Ivy

"I must insist on being a pessimist, I'm a loner in a catastrophic mind" - Green Day, Armatage Shanks. I take requests! They may not get done very quickly but I do take them!

[poisonivysparks]

mmm. cats.

[poisonivysparks]

remembering the time I thought I was locked inside my local chipotle. I didn't realize that you had to push the doors open the whole time. I stayed inside for 20 minutes, freaking out because I thought I was locked inside chipotle.

[satanfemme]

ok enough is enough. whichever one of you virgins invented instagram starbucks recipes, die 1000 deaths. I had a customer come in today holding out their phone (full brightness) and looking all shy and Im immediately like 🙄 fine ok, what does the instagram user want me to make for them this time. well this time it's a cringe harry potter themed frappucino. excuse me??? "can you make this for me?" I said excuse me??? -- I mean *customer service voice* "yeah it looks like I have all the ingredients, haha sure!"

ok cringe instagram harry potter frappucino drinker. ok. die. "Ive never had this drink before" yeah I can tell due to the fact that it didnt exist until someone posted a #aesthetic photo of it to instagram 14 hours ago ok. ok,

but whatever, Im paid to put up with this shit. so I add the ingredients all up on my computer and congrats! ur harry potter cringe social media drink has $10 worth of syrup in it. are you happy??? is this what you wanted??? a $10 frappucino??? $10. for a drink. you doubled the price of this drink for ur off-brand "harry potter and the legend of the overpriced starbucks drink" drink. you doubled the price!!! is this how u imagined spending ur day? is this what u wanted to do when u woke up this morning? $10 for a 24oz drink?

and u know, you KNOW the influencer making this recipe doesn't even work at a starbucks cause when it was all said and done the drink looked like shit. my blender was straining against the weight of your sins (and syrups) and Im sweating, Im an animal, Im losing my mind and my blender is getting watered down frappucino syrups everywhere -- u put so much shit liquid in this blender it doesnt even fit in the cup btw. it's making a huge mess. but is it instagramable? no, its fucking ugly. #trending #foryoupage #cringe $10 harold potter drink for adult children,

so are you happy? is ur social media influencer bestie happy? I made ur stupid $10 drink for u. does it taste good? no? well I hope instagram shuts down tomorrow. I hope you read a different book. I hope I never get sober. there is no sign of land. I hope you die. I hope we both die.

[poisonivysparks]

reblogging solely because of the mountain goats lyrics at the end

[galacthicc]

Reblog to support your local lesbian farmers

[awakandangoddess]

This

gotta be the equivalent to this

[misomimii]

Same energy

Lmao

[lpbear]

[cevansdilf]

[twistedcharismaaa]

This post is gold. Absolutely gold. ✨

[teathattast]

[ghostiestart]

I read somewhere that keanu was ambidextrous

[chaoticdean]

THEY GAVE JACK A BLACK TRENCH COAT THEY GAVE JACK A BLACK TRENCH COAT THEY GAVE JACK A BLACK TRENCH COAT THEY GAVE JACK A BLACK TRENCH COAT THEY GAVE JACK A BLACK TRENCH COAT

[poisonivysparks]

I sincerely thought that this said that they gave jack black a trench coat. I have been searching for jack black for the last 5 minutes.

[poisonivysparks]

It ain't much, but it's honest work.

[jparkerk]

eugene porter in every episode - US

[thedreammweaver]

I love that Eugene canonically says for reals and hella

[wadey-wilson]

me: i wanna write, i feel like writing

*opens a doc*

me: ok brain now let’s write

my brain:

[such-a-common-girl]

This has been me the million times I’ve sat down and started to write this past year

[nickelodeonhistory]

1998 nickelodeon trade ad

[charbarthe2nd-deactivated202005]

It’s amazing how they could make an ad from 1998 that looks like a shitpost made a week ago.

[doktorgirlfriend]

“Adults kissing each other and getting mad”

[whitepeopletwitter]

[callmedaddy-42]

[artissijamm]

HERE’S THE DUCKS.

[poisonivysparks]

Rescued {Eugene Porter X Reader} Part Three

Part Two

Part Four

~~~

We put the fire out and went back inside of the truck to sleep. Abraham was on first shift, then Rosita, and then me. I was completely cool with that. Eugene didn’t have a set job, he was the cargo, we were the protectors of said cargo. 

The truck was mostly silent, only a tiny bit of chittering between Rosita and Abraham. Eugene and I were both close in the truck, supplies on one side of our backseat, me in the middle, and then Eugene on the other side. He and I only had a few inches of separation between us. The tension was a bit thick in the air.

Sure, he seemed alright and we did have some shared interests. Talking to him was nice, at least from what I could see. The world before, our lives before, were all about making connections, this seemed to be one of the only things that seemed to transfer over. Except instead of living by making connections, you survived on it or even died. It all depended on who you made them with. These people seemed good. Maybe if we all survived to get Eugene to Washington, and everything was intact, we’d be okay. We’d be able to thrive because we got him there.

With that thought swirling in my mind, I rested my head against the back of my seat, drifting off, feeling safer than I have in a while.

I was woken up by a finger tapping on my sleeping shoulder. When I came to, I was leaning once again, against Eugene. My head wasn’t on his shoulder but was resting on his chest. I sat up awkwardly, a tiny blush on my face. I was sure that this would be easy since we most likely wouldn’t run into any real bad ones that’d notice us if we kept quiet. That seemed to be easy since Rosita seemed to drift off quite quickly. 

That’s when Eugene seemed to stir. The lack of my presence and warmth seemed to rouse him. “Is it high time for your watch?” He asked quietly, though still in the same tone of voice as always, and the accent. That accent, no matter which way I thought of it, just made me melt.

I nodded at him. “Yeah, it is. I know there’s not that much to watch for, are you up and shinin’ for the world to see now?” I asked Eugene, though still being quiet. I didn’t want to wake either Abraham or Rosita up. 

He nodded, though seeming a bit stiff. I couldn’t blame him, a new person, a girl of all people. We seemed to have a bit of chemistry, but that was hard to tell, especially in this world. “I figured that you could use some company. I could see how this could be a bit dull.” Eugene seemed to care, which was, well, cute. It was pretty cute, I couldn’t lie to myself. 

I nodded “Yeah, it definitely could be. You can go back to sleep though if you want, I can handle this.” I explained quietly, kissing his cheek on a whim. It was still a bit dark, so I couldn’t see what his reaction was. I couldn’t tell if he was blushing or what, all I knew was that he immediately faced away from me. Maybe that was a bad idea. I felt pretty bad. I mean, I had no idea if that was right. Maybe he had somebody already, or maybe he recently lost somebody. 

We were quite quiet for a bit, just looking for rotters that came close to us, or maybe even people. There were only a couple of rotters, and none of them seemed to notice us. Neither of us slept, we just kind of sat there in awkward silence. 

Once the sun rose, we all woke up, ate a little bit of breakfast outside, though not much. Everything was pretty quiet, Abraham seemed to side-eye both me and Eugene. He seemed to have had enough of our awkward silences. “Eugene, c’mere,” Abraham called to his friend. Eugene glanced at me before going over there to Abraham. Rosita and I started cleaning up and getting our things in the truck. 

She looked over at me. “So you like him right? I mean, I could see it. I know that he likes you. He stared at me a lot, but now he’s staring just at you. I’ve seen you two talk, he’s never had somebody who actually knows what the hell he’s talking about, at least not like that.” She said, smiling a bit, while I just blushed. “C’mon, you should do something before it’s too late. You never know when things could go wrong, and sometimes, it’s better not to wait and take chances.” Rosita advised me.

I nodded at her suggestion “Perhaps, yeah, I’m not exactly sure if I should.” I sighed a bit. “But thank you, either way. In this world, things probably shouldn’t be rushed, but other times, it’s hard because we don’t know how long we have left. For all we know, a big hoard could come and take us out tomorrow, or even in an hour.” I said, thinking about it. “Either way, thank you,” I said, giving her a tiny smile and then putting our stuff in the truck. I could hear Abraham’s voice, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. It seemed like it was just Abraham who was talking.

Rosita chuckled and said “Come on! Finish the pep talk and we’ll get moving!” She called, getting in the passenger’s side. 

I stayed outside, waiting until Abraham and Eugene emerged, Eugene looked as red as a firetruck. I wondered what the hell they talked about that would make Eugene react like that.

We all went inside the truck, going along in silence. It wasn’t exactly the same as earlier. The tension was higher. I wanted to make a move, but at the same time, I really didn’t. What the hell had Abraham said to Eugene? Nobody had any idea but those two.

I looked at Eugene and asked, “Are you okay?” I was being quiet, not wanting to attract attention from the two in the front of the truck.  

He seemed to get stiff immediately after I started talking. He took a second to respond. “Yes, just thinking.” He said, keeping his answers short.

I was pretty curious at that point “What are you thinking about?” We were pretty close in proximity to each other, so we could talk pretty much just in whispers.

He wasn’t sure what to say, that much I could tell. “Well, I’m mostly assessing my feelings, at least at this moment.” He explained, though whispering, his tone, and accent still shined through.

I nodded “I can understand that I happen to be doing the same thing.” I explained to him, brushing my hair back and pinning it behind my ears. I tried to always keep bobby pins in my pockets. They were pretty good for a few things, whether it be lockpicking or just putting hair back.

Eugene still seemed to be as awkward as ever, just staring at his hands. He was an awkward man, but it was attractive in a weird way. We didn’t really say anything. We were still extremely awkward, and you could just feel it in the air. Abraham seemed to look back at us much more than he did the previous day. It honestly made the awkwardness a bit worse.

We stopped on a clear part of the road, where it was more of a field than a forest. We didn’t build a fire this time. The night was clear and warm. We could see everything, and everything could see us. It gave us a feeling of peace, but also made us anxious. The world is quiet here.

[kiraliana]

⚠️Just so we’re clear⚠️

[poisonivysparks]

Rescued {Eugene Porter X Reader} Part Two

Link to Part One

Link to Part Three

I still stumbled along when I walked from being knocked out. I was in no way steady on my feet. “So why’re you guys heading to DC?” I asked curiously, cocking my head to the side. Abraham seemed like the leader in this whole debacle. 

He was the one to answer “Well, Eugene here thinks he knows what started things. He’s been talkin’ to some people back in Washington on his satellite phone, and he needs to get there as soon as he can. He’s precious cargo.” Abraham said it proudly, clapping Eugene on the back. He seemed a bit embarrassed, and I couldn’t blame him. I would be too if I was in the same position. 

He put my bag in the truck, in the second row of seats as I drank a bit of the water. I went over to Eugene, smiling a tiny bit “So you, uh, you must be some hot stuff, huh?” I asked, albeit a bit awkwardly. I couldn’t help it. He seemed important, but that wasn’t it. He just seemed interesting in a way that nobody else was. Everybody usually just had the same stories, or at least a bit of the same.

He gave a tiny nod “I suppose you could say that, though not figuratively. I do not believe I am of the warmer variety, though increased body fat does increase your body heat.” He explained. It seemed like he was trying oh-so-hard to not trip over his words. It was, in a word, cute.

I nodded “I’m pretty sure you’re right with that.” I chuckled awkwardly, looking at their big truck. It was weird. What in the hell was I doing? I didn’t exactly know, but I figured that this could be a good thing. 

“I am certain that I am, Miss Y/n.” He said, and I wasn’t sure why he called me Miss, those things didn’t exactly happen at that point in time, especially during the apocalypse. 

I shook my head a little bit “You don’t have to call me Miss, just Y/n will do.” I corrected him, though I tried not to do it in a mean way. “You must be important if you have two bodyguards like Abraham and Rosita over there.”

He nodded, though it seemed a bit nervous. “Yeah, the information is classified. I cannot indulge it to just anybody, but I believe that I can save the world.” His voice had a proud tinge to it.

“We better get the hell outta here before another herd rolls in,” Abraham said, going into the driver’s seat of the truck. Rosita followed and went into the passenger seat. That left me and Eugene to sit in the backseat. I didn’t mind that much at all. 

“That’s a damn good idea if I’ve ever heard one,” I said and got in, though I was still quite weak at this point. Eugene came in after me, not sitting the closest to me, but that was fine. He seemed a bit awkward anyway. 

We all started driving, going to Washington. It was exciting, but during the ride, I quickly fell asleep. I was extremely tired, lack of sleep and food made me crave sleep even more. It was an easy, seamless transition from conscious to unconscious. No dreams occurred, just straight sleep.

I woke up to a bump in the road, completely unaware of my surroundings. I jumped suddenly, sitting up from the spot where I laid my head down hours before. Where that spot was, was on Eugene’s shoulder. I immediately felt bad. That must have been extremely awkward for the guy. I groaned a bit, brushing my hair back. “Sorry, Eugene,” I said quietly.

Abraham chuckled “Sleeping beauty awakes. I thought you found your Prince Charmin’, lyin’ there on his shoulder as if your life depended on it.” A blush immediately rose on my cheeks. I only glanced at Eugene, but his cheeks looked red as a firetruck. “Come on, it was just a joke,” he said, brushing it off. I was sure that this was gonna be fine, our situations seemed to all work together, at least from what I could see so far.

I looked at him, thinking of a comeback. I was not good at these things at all. “Whatever.” I rolled my eyes. “You’re lucky I didn’t go all teacher on your ass and sent you to the principal’s office.” I crossed my arms, pulling my knees to my chest.

He looked at me in the rearview mirror. “Well, sucks for you because I am the principal,” he said proudly.

“Well, the job of principal doesn’t take that much to get. Teachers are different, they have to live with the little shits every waking day of the school year.” I said and sighed remembering my old job, my old life. “Before you ask, yes, that’s what I did before all this. I was an elementary school teacher.” I said, looking at them. Some of the memories pained me, of my old group, what happened. They were so young and just didn’t deserve that.

“Damn, we got a kid wrangler here now, huh?” Abraham asked as I just shook my head

Eugene was staring, I could feel it. I could feel his gaze resting on me, staring. I looked over to him, and I could see the curiosity in his eyes. I couldn’t blame him, not in the slightest. “You could say that.” I shrugged.

Eugene looked like he was about to say something, so I stayed silent. I didn’t want to interrupt him. “Where did you teach?” He asked. 

I thought for a second. Things from before the shit hit the fan tended to get blurry. We didn’t have time or the mental energy to think about that. “South Carolina, pretty much on the border of it too. I taught second grade, though it doesn’t matter too much anyway, at least now.” I smiled a little bit.  

“Skills that are associated with the qualities of teachers are most needed to survive,” Eugene said. “I am sure that with your looks, you could certainly persuade people.” He said, which seemed to be his weird way of complimenting. I took it as such.

He and I talked for hours, though not too much, we talked about lighter things, such as our interests before this. It turned out, we were into some of the same things. Both of us liked videogames and comics. I loved comics quite a bit before this. The X-Men were my favorite. We had some soft debate about which character was the best. My personal opinion was Nightcrawler, while his was Beast. Both were fine characters, though I could see how Eugene could like Beast. 

Once it started to get dark, Abraham couldn’t see that well on the roads. We pulled off to the side of it, where everything seemed to be clear, at least from rotters. We created a small fire and ate food from cans. It was delicious and made me feel so much better. I sat next to Eugene, and on the other side of me was rosita. Abraham and I were pretty much facing each other. 

“Thank you though, for everything, like you guys saved my ass, and then you gave me water, fed me. You guys did a lot, and now I’m like here with you guys. Thank you.” I told them

Rosita nodded “You’re welcome. We needed some more manpower.” She said, being quick with her words.

Abraham shook his head “Nah, we’re just keeping you around so that we can have somebody as nerdy as Eugene who can kill one of these stupid things.” He said. I kinda looked at Eugene. We had gotten along quite well in the car ride. It looked, at least to me, that he hadn’t had somebody to talk to, at least somebody like me who seemed to understand enough of what he liked to have a proper good conversation with him.

I smiled. “You guys still saved my life either way, and I am forever grateful for that. I was honestly, uh, ready to die at that point. I thought I would.” I admitted.

Eugene looked over at me. “We were unsure if you would survive after the dead were, well, deceased.” He stated, eating his canned goods. 

“Well, I’m glad I was, and I’m glad you three were here to help me. I never really wanted to die.” I chuckled a tiny bit, brushing my hair back out of my face. “Now I get to live with, yknow, people. Being alone isn’t exactly the best situation ever. You barely get any sleep, sure, food might not be a problem, but the madness slowly takes over.” I explained, “Okay, that got dark, excuse me.” I blushed a tiny bit, looking down at the fire. it was just at embers, trying to keep all of the rotters away, but it was enough to keep us somewhat warm. That was the last of us talking for the night. 

[poisonivysparks]

Rescued {Eugene Porter X Reader} Part One

Link to Part Two ~~~

It was so hot. I felt like I was dying. 10 rotters surrounded me, and I was just about out of breath. It was really hard to fight. There were too many around me. I was bashing them with the butt of my gun at that point. I was out of bullets, water, food, and most importantly, luck. The rotters gnashed their teeth at me and grabbed. 

I was out of breath, sweating profusely. I killed one of them, and then at least tried to maim another so I could deal with it later. I grunted as the rotter stumbled back, but it didn’t stumble back far enough. The heat was exhausting me. I didn’t feel good at all. The stench of the rotters was so bad, but that was the scent of the world now. The stench alone made you want to puke but mixed with the heat, it was even worse. 

The most that I could hear was the groaning of the rotters. It attracted more. I was terrified, I knew that this would be the end of my rope. I was going to be eaten, I would feel their teeth tear into my flesh. A tear that I never thought would escape rolled down my cheek. I was done for. 

That was when the truck rolled in. I barely even heard it until there were gunshots. A rotter that was behind me hit the ground with a thump. Another one went down in front of me. I felt I could relax a little bit. My vision then blurred. Everything slowed down and became slurred. I felt my limbs become heavy, my eyelids too, and then... I hit the ground.

I was still sweating horribly, and everything just felt bad. I was incredibly dehydrated. I felt like I couldn’t even lift my eyelids, so I didn’t. I just stayed there and listened. I seemed to be on pavement, which was good since my rotter encounter was on the edge of one. 

The pavement was cool in temperature and felt nice against my flushed skin. That was when I heard a gruff voice say “Eugene, stop starin’, you’re gonna give yourself balls bluer than Babe the Blue Ox’s.” He warned, laughing a little bit afterward. It made me wanna get up, but my limbs just didn’t exactly agree with me. I was just so tired.

“Both of you should stop staring.” A girl’s voice said, her footsteps came closer to me unless somebody else was wearing heeled boots. She seemed to kneel next to me, I couldn’t feel the sun on my face, probably burning my skin. Sunburns were normal at this point. “I think she’s awake anyway.” The woman’s voice was very close to me. 

I tried to say something. “I’m here!” came out more just as incoherent mumbles. My muscles didn’t want to work the way I wanted them to. I was exhausted and wanted to go to sleep, but I just couldn’t. I didn’t know where I was exactly, or who these people were. Were they friends or foes? You honestly couldn’t be sure at this point at all. 

“I think you’re right, Rosita, what the hell was she sayin’?” The voice from before said. I knew that there was at least one more person besides the girl, who was given a name now, and the gruff sounding guy. They could have other people around. I wasn’t sure what the hell to do. My brain was still fuzzy from passing out anyways. I couldn’t fight even if I wanted to. 

I opened my eyes, the sun almost blinding me. I was greeted with a face that wasn’t exactly the friendliest. It was the girl’s, whose name was apparently Rosita. She had a bit of a concerned look on her face. “Have you drank any water in the last 3 days?” She asked immediately. 

It took me a second to remember, or at least to try to. I shook my head softly, my eyes scanning the area. I had run out of water three days ago, and it was definitely hitting me. “No.” I croaked out. I was so thirsty. I was surprised that I hadn’t died.

“Abraham, get some water for me.” She demanded, and the ginger guy moved. There was another guy, specifically one with a mullet, who didn’t stop staring. He didn’t do anything, just stood there, hands limply placed at his sides. That must have been Eugene, the one with blue balls, apparently.

The ginger guy, Abraham, came back, handing Rosita a water bottle. “Here,” he said in the same gruff voice I had heard earlier. I was now beginning to connect faces to names. Though I couldn’t be sure if Eugene connected with the mullet guy. Rosita instructed me to sit up. It was hard at first, but I did it. My body was so weak at that point. I hadn’t slept much in weeks, barely eaten or drank anything. I took a sip of water. It tasted so good. I had to stop myself from drinking the whole thing. “Are you alone, girly?” The ginger asked me. I looked down and shook my head. I had one at one point, but not anymore.

“I had one a couple of months ago, been on my own since then,” I said, though shakily. “Thank you for the water,” I said and looked at them. I was starving, but there was no way that I’d tell them that. “And for saving my ass.” I looked at all of them, trying to smile, but it just wasn’t coming. Smiles weren’t found or produced very easily nowadays. “I’m, uh, I’m Y/n,” I explained, standing up, but almost immediately stumbling. My body felt super weak.

Rosita stood up with me, and watched, making sure I kept my balance. “I’m Abraham, this is Rosita and Eugene. We’re on a mission to get Eugene to Washington.” He explained shortly. It seemed pretty cool, at least in my opinion. If they were on a true mission, then Mullet boy must have something special to him.

I looked at them, not sure what I wanted to do. All I knew was that, as much as I hated people, I hated being alone even more. I knew they shouldn’t trust me. I wasn’t sure I trusted them either. “That sounds pretty cool, at least you guys have an objective besides, yknow, surviving.” I chuckled a bit, looking around. My bag lay on the side of the road, quite a few dead rotter bodies around it. “Thank you guys for the help.” I heaved my bag upon my shoulder.

“Hey there, sweetheart. You seem to be good on your own, but we know that that ain’t gonna getcha too far around here. I know Eugene can’t seem to get enough of seein’ ya.” he chuckled, seeming to tease his friend. I was a bit surprised because honestly, I wasn’t much to look at, especially in the middle of this whole thing. I was dirty, covered in blood that was either my own or a rotter’s. The stench was also horrible.

I crossed my arms. “Is that so?” I asked, looking at Eugene. “Perhaps we could be of use to each other. Maybe you could need some more help, some more manpower, and I could survive.” I offered. “With your big fancy truck, I’m sure there’d be some room for another.”

See, before the apocalypse happened, I never would have done that. I was never one to invite myself to places. I just wasn’t that, but here I was. I figured that maybe we could all help each other. They seemed interesting enough. I knew that we could help each other out.

Abraham nodded and then smirked, looking at Eugene. “Why don’t you go grab the lady’s bag?” He asked Eugene, who nodded and then hesitantly went over to me, taking my bag from me. 

I nodded at him and gave a little smile “Thank you, Eugene.” I said quietly, following him a bit. 

He nodded, looking down at the ground. “You are most very welcome, Y/n.” I didn’t expect his southern accent to be so strong. He just didn’t exactly have a southern man’s demeanor. Perhaps that was a good thing. Pasts didn’t usually matter that much unless they were really important. Stuff like a businessman or librarian or movie editor didn’t matter. It didn’t matter whatsoever. Things that mattered were military, policeman, surgeons, the really important people. Other than that, you didn’t matter at all.