regulus black, who grew up in a household where romantic love wasn’t a thing.
his parents had been cold to each other, never displaying any affection for him to grasp the concepts of what it may mean to love another person.
yet he couldn’t deny that there was a small panging in his chest when he came back to hogwarts after the holidays, to be surrounded by people in love.
don’t get him wrong, he was happy for them all, having long suffered evan and barty’s antics before they stopped dancing around each other and got together, chuckling softly between kisses and climbing into each other’s bed’s before cheekily tugging the curtains closed around them.
regulus only watched them quietly, knees drawn up to his chest on his own bed, as the longing in his heart to find its other hand grew stronger.
he’d found out sometime in 4th year that he liked boys, if his less-than-innocent thoughts about his own best mates had anything to say about it, yet he knew that it was a fruitless pursuit.
the house of black wanted heirs, not lovers.
regulus swallows and lays back, staring up at the ceiling, and lets himself imagine again.
imagine if- if- there was a chance, if he was allowed-
regulus inhales sharply at the lump that has suddenly formed in his throat.
he pictures being held gently, like he was made of glass.
he imagines soft hands cupping his face with a tenderness he’d never experienced before. they’d brush over the planes of his face, gently stroking his eye bags, like they were trying to memorise every dip and crevice of him.
regulus closes his eyes, a soft tear running down his temple.
soft lips would follow, pressing promises of love and protection into pale skin that has been long nourished by tears, whilst hands may travel down to the delicate curve of his jaw.
the thumb would now rest against the tender spot of his neck, where his pulse lies, thumping gently.
mirroring his heart, which beats excitedly, knowing its other half is close by.
regulus quietly muses how he knows all this so well, despite having experienced none of it himself, but he reminds himself again of the love that surrounds him here at hogwarts.
his friends, hell, even his own brother, sirius.
the brightest star, the heir,
even sirius found his missing piece, regulus recalls, having spied him murmuring quietly to that lupin boy, foreheads pressed together in a tender embrace as the shared a cigarette between them.
regulus sits up and reaches for his own pack of cigarettes, one he had stolen from barty, not that the latter ever suspected him.
he leaves his bed, finding himself wandering the halls of hogwarts until he found himself up in the astronomy tower.
above him, his namesake shone dimly, as if taunting him, reminding him of his place.
the spare, a well behaved child, the other one.
and again, he was reminded of his choices, or rather, lack of.
sullenly looking back down and pointing his wand at the end of his cigarette, the unmistakable voice of a one, james potter startles him from his somber thoughts.
“black? I didn’t know you smoked,” he said, coming up beside regulus, an amused expression on his face. Regulus felt a faint feeling in his chest, that longing- that yearning stirringup again, as he fought to keep his composure.
“mind if I bum one off you?”
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