Winter is such a hard time of year. Even without seasonal depressy feels.
The holidays are too stressful. There is too much pressure, too much guilt, too much stress. Being poly does NOT make that any easier.
My parents know that Iām poly. My mom accepts it but doesnāt really get it. My dad told me it is disgusting and not to bring it around his family. So explaining that my partner will likely only be joining me for one or the other of my familiesā Christmases feels difficult. I know they donāt understand. And Iām so afraid that they are going to judge my partner for that. Or feel like my relationship is lesser and that Iām not valued enough by my partner. Iām afraid that they are going to judge him for always having another partner when Iāve only had one and not for that long.
Iām going to lie. Iām going to say heās stuck working because I canāt deal with my parents potentially thinking less of my partner for it. I hate it. I hate it so much. It feels so dishonest to MYSELF. And I am having such a hard time reasoning with that. On TOP of wishing that he would be there for both.
I hate that Iām so uncomfortable with just the possibility of judgement. I hate that Iām going to lie to them and I hate that I even feelthe need to lie. I try to tell myself that it doesnt matter what others think.... but this is someone I am going to be spending my life with... iām afraid more of what my family will think of him, and I fucking hate that so much.
Now that I have ranted and ranted, I donāt even know how to conclude this.
So Iāll just leave it at this...
For any poly folks who have a tough time on the holidays, you are NOT alone <3
