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. Active feb2022 In my weight-loss journey ‘till I’m ✨perfect✨

[pondsdown300]

I regret going to recovery SO FCKN MUCH!!! 🅰️

[pondsdown300]

Hello everyone! I’m back

I decided to continue blogging here, as many of you may know I was starting recovery some months ago but now I’m not, I quit and I am back with behaviors, tha best is that my family is also dieting so it’s easier to hide it. I also started a insta page!!! It’s @daily_foodying , I’ll leave the link here: https://www.instagram.com/invites/contact/?i=fnm8imrdwo51&utm_content=n7sc9h4

I’ll be more consistent here with my day to day activities, the insta is a food diary most of all, I will post daily there too!! 🤍

Instagram

Create an account or log in to Instagram - A simple, fun & creative way to capture, edit & share photos, videos & messages with friends & fa

[pondsdown300]

Hi...

I just wanted to thank the people who dm’d me trying to support me and make me feel better... that made me feel a little better, i didn’t know i was at my very lowest until i started feeling a little better.

I still feel bad about myself, more than usual, but not as much as before.

Mu doctor said i had lost 3kg in a week, i don’t know how much i weight exactly but I’m proud of it. The bad side of this is that if i continue to lose weight i will be in-patient in the psychiatric... it doesn’t really scare me...

[pondsdown300]

Hi everyone , i’ve been avoiding water lately bc it makes me feel bloated. So that made me dehydrate rapidly and very dizzy. Today my mother made me drink strawberry water and that felt like an energy homb bc I felt no dizziness...

I feel laxatives don’t have the same effect on me as before, so i increased the dose from 2 pills to 3 every two days. I feel i should be drinking more but im afraid my parents will find out. (Im 17 so :(... )

I talked about my diagnosis before but i didn’t explain it correctly; i got diagnosed with anorexia binge purge subtype, and amenorrhea. Still cannot believe i am diagnosed with that, i still think im fat and that treatment is very unnecessary.

Also, I’ve been having suicidal thoughts lately, and self harm tendencies too... i feel like I shouldn’t be here anymore. I didn’t need to born in the first place. I feel so unnecessary... and everything seem so unnecessary to me, like food, water... breathing...

[pondsdown300]

Hello everyone, as you can see i did some updates in the blog, as i don’t know what my curre weight is...

Today I’ve been feeling very bad bc my blood sugar levels got very low; and i was forced to eat a peach.

It’s a sunny day but i am feeling very cold all the time, i carry blankets, jackets and sweaters on me all the time and still the cold doesn’t go away...

It’s imposible to think about something else aside from all of this. I cant even concentrate on school any more

[pondsdown300]

Update

Today i went out to EAT with a girl i met at recovery...she really wants to recover and i understand, but i don’t. She wanted to challenge herself to eat a brownie; and also made me challenge myself and i had to eat almost 30 grams of it. I couldn’t do more. I didn’t want to eat more.

I felt so gross... so i bought so many laxatives, strong ones, and drank a few. Also I’ll be fasting a lot this week but still drinking my medication. I hate it bc some pills and supplements have a lot of calories...

Luckily I’ve been able to burn almost 500kcals just by walking today, but I’ll exercise tonight anyways

Wish me luck pls... i hate everyone and everything right now, and myself too...

[pondsdown300]

Hello everyone, today it’s my birthday... and i feel terrible

I have three doctor appointment today

I am doing online school so I’ll be sitting all day

I’ll be alone as always...

Also, i want to stop going to so many doctors. They make me grow fatter and make eat non-stop.

[pondsdown300]

It’s frightening to see myself in any reflextive surface i see... you have no idea how much i hate myself for not being good enough to hide this secret for long enough...and being perfect

[pondsdown300]

Hi everyone, sorry for not being active these days...

I was going to be put in an in-patient program bc the nutricionist said i had lost more body fat tissue, muscle tissue, and that i needed to be 100% under vigilance.

But luckily my parents had a disagreement with the treatment center and i won’t be in any program there.

Instead, I’ll be going to many doctors separately, that will be soooo time consuming. And very bad for school bc I’m a senior, and i hope to get the best grades...

Hoping treatment ends soon... so i can reach my goal✨🤍

[pondsdown300]

Hi...

I’ve been absent for a while, treatment has been very very stressful. I’m being forced to eat and gain weight, also i exercise secretly a lot now; it’s horrible. Can’t wait to get out of it and get back in track with weight loss... i am afraid to eat and make them think I’m ok, bc then I’ll gain weight and I’ll have ti start all over again...

I’ll try my best to get out of there without them thinking I’m still losing weight...

[pondsdown300]

So today it’s been better...

Didn’t eat breakfast so i fasted like 15hrs, just ate at lunch (some chicken with tomatoe and carrots), and I’m fasting now... it seems like my parents are starting to care less about following treatment diet; and that’s good.

Also, i just noticed that the dietitian in tratment WANTS to make me gain weight, bc she makes me eat a looot of carbs, meat, and dairy while limiting my water intake, that is a cause for water retention, so I’m definitely going to drink more water, coffee and tea. I’m so mad, she said she wouldn’t make me gain any weight but that was obviously untrue...

Pls help me get out of treatment!!!

[pondsdown300]

I hate everything...

I hate myself

I want to die without anyone noticing

I want to keep on losing weight... but I can’t find the way

I started to drink laxatives, but i feel fatter and fatter every day

Everyone is making me eat

I hate them

They want me to be fat again

FATTER

Fatter

SO FAT

Fatter than before...

I need to find the way out of this fucking treatment without gaining any weight

It takes a lot of effort

I won’t throw all my hard work to the trash

[335to160]

10 Reasons I Want to Lose Weight pt3

Not have to suck in all the time

Get a whole new wardrobe because my current clothes will be too big

Be able to be picked up effortlessly

Look good in dresses and fishnets

People will find me attractive

Not feel disgusting when I'm naked

Look graceful and smooth when I walk rather than a waddling blob

Be able to borrow other peoples clothes and have them fit

Have more stamina for exercise

No longer be in the morbidly obese range for BMI

[leafsea]

more than anything, i think

the past me, the her of forever ago,

imagined i’d be braver, imagined i’d be facing larger monsters than

my own mind

yet here we are yet here we are

[ro-1ne]

That moment when your phone didn’t count the steps

[iwishiwaspretty]

This is my favorite workout to do after eating to burn those calories. Please be safe!

120 Calorie Burn:

100 jumping jacks

120 crunches

50 squats

50 lunges 

1 minute plank

[veganthinspos]

To do list:

1. Eat less

2. Walk more