Ms. Audrey Horne

CEO and owner of The Great Northern Hotel and Horne Department store in Twin Peaks, Washington Independent Audrey Horne from Twin Peaks

[poorlittlerichhorne]

Discipline

[poorlittlerichhorne]

specialagentsockgarters: 

“You’re right. But what you’re forgetting, my dear, is that I’ll be back.” Gordon wasn’t much for big, romantic gestures—the depth of his feeling was in his words, the way he spoke. He was all about simple, sweet gestures of intimacy coupled with the kind of language you’d find in an epic 100+ stanza love poem.

And he was always so patient with Shelly. He didn’t push it much, but he saw the way Bobby came yelling into the diner. The kid was eighteen and a little hotheaded, but he saw the way Shelly was used to be used, talked to. And he’d only heard of Leo. So when she started talking like this, like the way her past partners probably had her thinking, he never rushed to shut her up or reinforce the feelings. It was better, he thought, for him to just make good on his word and be a damn decent person.

“And if I take too long to come back, I hereby give you, Michelle R. Johnson, permission to come and get me.”

Shelly grinned, her lips pulling over her white teeth.  A large grin.  A truly happy grin.  “You better watch out Agent Gordon.  I might just surprise you and come early!”  She squeezed his hand before letting go, looking up at the equipment placed on the property, already prepping for who ever bought the plot.  “Well, I think this area is just too rustic, like I said.  Let me write down the current owner’s name and we’ll be off.”

She bent, squinting at the sign stuck in the ground.  “Mrs....Elizabeth Boleyn?  I thought the name was--”

Above her one of the been squealed in protest, shaking dangerously.  A large wire snapped, and suddenly a bag of bricks slid from the beam, falling down down down...

Shelly looked up, seeing the large parcel coming straight for her head, eyes wide, shocked into paralysis--and then she fell back, scrambling in the dust as the bricks slammed into the ground, cracking the dry dirt.  Some of the blocks sprung free, jumping out of the back, and sacking into her legs.  And then the dust settled.  There was silence.

And, then the world for Shelly all went black.

---

“We should have a family dinner on Sunday.”  Audrey was sitting on the couch, poking at the fire.  They had finished planning for the living room of Dead Dog Farm, and she had finished some of her work before calling it quits for the night.  She had suggested in the office that they have an intimate evening with each other and a certain book.  

The return of Clarice and her husband was a bright spot on that Sunday.  It meant, perhaps, an alleviation of their house arrest.  Putting the poker away she turned, waiting for Cooper to finish mixing his drink and for his answer.  She had already dressed for the part in her flouncy skirt; she wanted to explore his dominant side again, and see where her own limits were  “Maybe Clarice and the doctor, Dana, Harry, Hawk and that Albert.”

[poorlittlerichhorne]

Discipline

[poorlittlerichhorne]

specialagentsockgarters: 

Gordon was a man who spoke without hesitation. Loud and clear, with his whole conviction behind what he was saying. But when Shelly asked him that, he was quick to want to say, ‘yes’ until he realized he’d never seen his most special special agent in a relationship with anybody. There was Caroline, and he loved her, but they only had three days together before Windom struck. That’s hardly enough time to consider marriage. That’s hardly enough time to even talk it over that acting on feelings while Caroline was still married to Dale’s treasured, unstable mentor. And Dale never talked much about his past relationships, but from what Gordon knew, they were either brief or never consummated. He was a man of unrequited love and affairs cut short by death.

So he doesn’t give a yes or no answer. He does, though, hold Shelly’s hand a little tighter.

“Coop’s stuck in town for reasons other than romance, but I’m sure he’s not going back East again, not for a while.”

“But you have to,” she said looking up at him.  “You have to go back.  Your job, you’re the head of the department.”  She swallowed.  Suddenly, going back to Twin Peaks, working at Horne Industries, though important seemed...empty.  Another day, another dollar.  More problems more solutions and a cold bed.  A lonely dinner in her room

But she didn’t want to be where she wasn’t welcome.

[poorlittlerichhorne]

Discipline

[poorlittlerichhorne]

Audrey looked up from her accounts, to their joined hands.  Her eyes narrowed to glittering slits as she grinned widely at his sweet gesture.  Her fingers squeezed his.  “All well?”

[specialagentsockgarters]

Not wanting to fully snap out of his reverie, Cooper simply nodded. He was two dreamy glazey eyed smiles away from absolutely hopeless. Albert would say you idiot, you know what happens when you do this. But the little forensic voice of reason was silenced with the thought of how nice it’d be to wake up tomorrow morning with Audrey, stretched out on clean linen sheets and not a care in the world besides ‘whose turn is it to almost burn breakfast’. He didn’t even notice that there might be a very faint smell of gasoline emanating from that tiny place where fear meets courage. – Crescent City was a beaut! Eureka was a beaut! Fort Bragg was a beaut! Bodega Bay was a beaut! San Francisco was a beaut! Santa Cruz was a beaut! Monterey was a beaut! Santa Barbara was a beaut! Los Angeles was a–

Gordon Cole had nice things to say about every damn city and town on the coast of California. Shelly Gordon was given the task by Audrey to scout out new places to expand down the Pacific Coast, and once she’d made it into Oregon, Gordon would join her on her way through Bend. He had some business in the field offices in California and it wasn’t like she’d be taking her sweet time. They both had business to do down south so why not do it together? It was a vacation without really being a vacation. It was a road trip without really being a road trip. But more importantly, it was a citizen of Twin Peaks, a dweller of the Ghostwood Forest, leaving town with an armed guard, more or less. If anything happened, Gordon would be there in an instant. Neither one of them really figured it’d be necessary, but with the disturbing trend of formerly Twin Peaks locals getting gutted or beaten, you couldn’t be too careful. 

Gordon had his suit jacket slung over one shoulder as he walked hand in hand with Shelly, admiring the bright vivid colors of the town. Everywhere they went there were bright green gardens planted in front of bright pastel homes standing tall in the cloudless bright blue sky. Smog was a problem in the city, but out by the beach, it was sublime. The empty lot of property was on their left and a row of houses, bus stops, shiny parked cars flanked them on every other side. Without his suit jacket, Gordon looked more like the stage manager of a theater troupe than a federal agent– his wild hair barely short of regulation, slim shoulders, and squinty, friendly face gave him an air of strange openness. When standing next to Shelly, the small town girl with a face and heart of gold, the two made quite a pair against the glossy, superficial California backdrop. 

“Shelly, my dear,” he barked with all the gusto of a '40’s radio announcer, “I don’t think I’ve seen a part of this state as quiet as this here neighborhood! You don’t think Audrey will want her store somewhere more commercial?”

[poorlittlerichhorne]

"Oh yes much," Shelly said using her free hand to push her fly away dirty blonde hair from her face. In stead of up or in a tight professional pony tail, she had it loose around her shoulders; atching the wind like her locks were as care free as she, walking down main street holding the hand of her federal agent love like he was her highschool sweetheart. "This looks more like a honey moon spot."

She grinned at Gordon. It had been amazing, really, being with a man thay put her first. He didn't worship her, she didn't allow it. But he treated her like a queen, even though her bar for a good man was pretty low. He exceeded even a girl's highest expectations. Asked in every new hotel if she'd prefer two rooms even when he knew the answer, helped her in and out of cars, gave her his jacket when she was cold, understood when she had to work and delighted when she didn't.

So when Shelly grinned now, she grinned with her whole self. "Maybe she and Agent Cooper will honeymoon here." She turned to him again. "Do you think he'd stay? Marry her? I think it's soon."

[poorlittlerichhorne]

Discipline

[specialagentsockgarters]

Fashion was– not his strong suit. But by golly, meditation and mood regulation sure were. Cooper was sold on that no doubt about it, but there was a part of him that knew Audrey was working her charm and he loved it. 

Having settled on this stellar new decision, he looked up from the print catalog with a triumphant smile, not the least bit tarnished by their domestic week in, and did something he’d never thought he’d ever, ever do:

He reached across the table and very gently took one of Audrey’s hands in his own. 

[poorlittlerichhorne]

Audrey looked up from her accounts, to their joined hands.  Her eyes narrowed to glittering slits as she grinned widely at his sweet gesture.  Her fingers squeezed his.  “All well?”

[withoutchemicals]

Twin Peaks Script Study

[poorlittlerichhorne]

Discipline

[specialagentsockgarters]

Cooper was sitting at the desk, hands folded in front of him. His eyes moved from one open catalogue to the other. Back and forth, comparing swatches of fabric with the kind of scrutiny he usually reserved for coffee. Of course, to Cooper, all coffees were the best coffees and all fabrics were the best fabrics– it was just a matter of when and where he found them. His face was pensive, thoughtful, and not at all bored or restless like he expected to be. 

Audrey had a particular way of getting him to behave that included lots of mental (and physical) stimulation. The trick to keeping Dale Cooper from running off to do battle with his former mentor was to keep him busy and to keep him satisfied with the fact that everything wasn’t burning down without him there.

When he turned his head in the slightest to get a closer look at each swatch, the stark white shiny rings stood out from his black cap of gelled hair like ribbons of pure light. “Audrey,” came a concerned voice from behind stacks of glossy catalogues. “Are smaller squares or larger squares less distracting to the eye? For a plaid pattern,” he quickly clarified. “I’ve decided on plaid. Plaid everything.”

[poorlittlerichhorne]

Thankfully, Audrey had a few years of bluffing to ask her horror.  “Not if you want me to come into that house you aren’t,” she said sweetly, glancing up for her numbers to smile at him.   “Cooper my love, my darling light of my life, glittering tail of my comment: Plaid is for shirts, not curtains or rungs or anything that goes on a house.  Maybe for some rugs though.  Why don’t you try pleasant solid colors.  I think that’s coming back into fashion!”

Seeing his hesitating and suspicion she said,” You know they said solid colors work great for moods and meditation.  Less distraction means more concentration.”

[poorlittlerichhorne]

Discipline

[poorlittlerichhorne]

She lay her cheek on his shoulder.  ”Well typical husbands and wives talk about their day while dinner is cooked, eat, go to bed and have bland sex before sleeping.  The situation is typical but we don’t have to bel.”  Her grin was that familiar Cheshire grin.  Her two front teeth were a little bigger than normal, a childhood trait she hadn’t gotten fixed.

“Now, if you were my husband, and I were a house wife—” she almost laughed.  Yeah she coudl cook enough to feed people and not poison them and she knew how to clean, but God she never had the time between tax reports and invoices and contracts and lawyers.  "—If I were your house wife, I would greet you home with a big—"  She gently tugged his tie and planted a kiss on his lips.

“Then I suppose you’d want to rest after working so hard and have dinner, if I made it.  And if I didn’t…well….”

[specialagentsockgarters]

Cooper was like putty in her hands as she dreamed up this domestic paradise. It was absolutely ridiculous that either of them would be so turned on by something so simple and vanilla but his heart was racing at the thought of settling down and living a normal, safe, life with no interruptions or literal demons stalking him. 

A tiny sigh escaped his lips as his hands found her thighs and, like any good carefree ‘husband’, proceed to list all the wonderful things they’d do together– including but certainly not limited to very sweet, very loving sex.

[poorlittlerichhorne]

The beauty of it was that since he was house bound, they could play this game as long as they wanted. Of course the roles were slightly reversed as Audrey could still work and be house bound.

Luckily for Cooper she found him a job. Setting him up a nice desk across from hers she plunked down about twenty catalogues. Furniture wood, tile wallpaper, everything a new house, or Dead Dog, could need

[poorlittlerichhorne]

Discipline

[specialagentsockgarters]

His watch and coat came off with little effort— and what a drastic change they made. Without the coat, the fact that Cooper was without a badge and gun was in plain sight. If she didn’t know any better, she’d think he was any other working stiff that neglected to shave before heading out to his desk job. 

He was completely unaware of just how average he looked until she walked in and curled up beside him. It was something new they were trying, but god damn if it wasn’t the idyllic vanilla fantasy he’d always wanted. A job that required nothing more than a dress shirt, tie, and slacks, a beautiful woman he had genuine affection for— all in all no worries while leading a nice simple life. 

"Typical, hmm? And what exactly do typical husbands and wives do?" The question he posed was half serious, half genuine. 

The measuring stick he had for married couples was Clarice and Hannibal. 

[poorlittlerichhorne]

She lay her cheek on his shoulder.  "Well typical husbands and wives talk about their day while dinner is cooked, eat, go to bed and have bland sex before sleeping.  The situation is typical but we don't have to bel."  Her grin was that familiar Cheshire grin.  Her two front teeth were a little bigger than normal, a childhood trait she hadn't gotten fixed.

"Now, if you were my husband, and I were a house wife--" she almost laughed.  Yeah she coudl cook enough to feed people and not poison them and she knew how to clean, but God she never had the time between tax reports and invoices and contracts and lawyers.  "--If I were your house wife, I would greet you home with a big--"  She gently tugged his tie and planted a kiss on his lips.

"Then I suppose you'd want to rest after working so hard and have dinner, if I made it.  And if I didn't...well...."

[poorlittlerichhorne]

Discipline

[specialagentsockgarters]

At each of her suggestions, Cooper breathed a noncommittal huff of air through his nose. This was how the ‘no’ was turned into a ‘maybe’ to a ‘yes’, to an emphatic ‘yes please!’. He turned his face to hide in her neck, nuzzling her bare skin with the grainy stubble as the pouty cloud still hung over him. 

"I would like to see the dress," he said, speaking his first full sentence since walking in the door. "And I’d like to hear your personal favorite passage from the book," he added, migrating her the cup of her ear as his preferred body part to mumble into. 

[poorlittlerichhorne]

Audrey grinned, her lower lip sliding between her teeth as he kissed her neck.  The skin there was sensitive, and she pressed her legs together.  It was almost instant, her desire for him.  "Wait here," she murmured before catching him in a kiss.  And take off your watch and coat, relax."

She went off, returning in a bright blue sundress perfect or the changing weather.  She slid next to him again, curling her feet under her.  She no longer had shoes or stockings and it felt nice.  "I highlighted it.  It's about scene play.  My favorite was the husband and the housewife.  It's a typical one but I thought it was sexy."  Maybe it was her upbringing, tying soething of her new sexuality to her old virginal self, surrounded by husbands and housewives and nothing in between.

[poorlittlerichhorne]

Discipline

[specialagentsockgarters]

Cooper dealt with negative feelings in distinct stages. First, it was outright denial that anything upsetting happened at all. Then it was a brief period of acceptance that sometimes people do things that hurt each other followed by the much longer and usually detrimental stage of putting his health and wellness on the back burner and throwing himself into stopping whatever it was before anyone else was put at risk. 

When this process was interrupted, depending on which stage he was in, he reacted very strongly. Most of the time, he accepted the fault of his inability to solve the case. Some of the time, he begged to stay until his superior took a chance on him because he had the ‘right stuff’ and Cooper followed through with remarkable success but at a great cost to his health. 

A tiny fraction of the time, all the meditation and Zen in the world could not stop the stubborn force that was Dale Cooper from turning his steadfast determination and inability to accept his failure in on himself and becoming a pouting, closed off human statue. 

This, not to Audrey’s surprise, was one of those times. 

When she asked about sex, a layer of his stubborn shell broke off and his whole body leaned a few degrees her way until his heavy head came to rest on her shoulder. “No,” he offered weakly. She was getting somewhere. 

[poorlittlerichhorne]

She almost laughed, but controlled herself.  For all his manly attributes, his control and intellect, Cooper really as like a child.  They were inverse of each other.  She wore her childishness on her sleeve, while his had to be poked before it came out to pout and sniffle.

She reached up and stroked his cheek.  It was going a bit rough, as he neglected his six o clock shave.  "Are you sure?  Because I could read or you...Or, I bought a new dress today.  And a new path and hair brush.  We could play out  little scene..."  She sing songed it as if she were offering ice cream and not a very kinky few hours.  "C'mon, it'll be fu-un.  Channel all that bad energy into sex--isn't that what all your meditation is about?  Channeling?"

[poorlittlerichhorne]

Discipline

[specialagentsockgarters]

"Trigger happy! Oh, she doesn’t know trigger happy, just wait until she gets back to town! I’ll be so damn trigger happy, I’ll—” 

It was Albert’s turn to cut in before Cooper got himself all worked up and stormed out. “Coop. Don’t worry. We’ll take care of it, and call you if we need anything.” 

When Albert was blunt without dropping an insult, Cooper paid careful attention. 

This time, however, he had all the attention of a toddler sent to the time out corner. 

"If you don’t get on back to Audrey, Clarice and Hannibal will take you there themselves. Hell, I’ll do it if you push me.” 

Harry was a protective mother bear, but mother bears could also be especially ferocious if their cubs were being unruly. Cooper rode back to the Great Northern in the middle seat of Harry’s police cruiser, Harry in the driver’s seat and Albert in the passenger. It was a silent ride, interrupted only by Cooper’s weak attempts at delaying the inevitable followed by a curt ‘no’ from Albert or a ‘Sorry, Coop’ from Albert. There were only so many requests he could make on the way back— a pie at the Double R, coffee, and doughnuts. 

In about an hour, he was left in the hands of one Audrey Horne, seven days into her unofficial house arrest put in place by one Dale Cooper, who was now her ‘cell mate’ of sorts. 

[poorlittlerichhorne]

Audrey sat on the couch with Cooper, watching him.  She'd never seen him like this before.  He was pouting.  Honest to God pouting.  She shifted and asked if he wanted tea--which was received a short "No!".  Tea, cereal, chocolate, TV, books, anything she offered.

She blew air through her lips and glanced over at him, all crossed arms and slumped.  "...I could read more form the sex book.  Out loud.  We could have sex?"

[poorlittlerichhorne]

Discipline

[specialagentsockgarters]

Before he could make any sort of vocal complaint, Harry quickly switched the speaker off and held up a hand. The support in the room for Clarice’s request was tangible, Albert wanted Cooper out of this godforsaken town from the moment he set foot in it, and Scully had a more objective, conflict of interest viewpoint on him getting involved in tracking down his former partner, but it was all the same. 

Cooper was fighting a 5 to 1 battle, 6 if they were counting Audrey. 

"Harry, please.” 

God help the person who had to say no to that earnest, puppy face. 

Harry released the switch and cleared his throat. “All right, Clarice. I’ll send him home now.” 

[poorlittlerichhorne]

"Good.  Tell him to go home, read those books with her and calm down.  We don't need a hysterical trigger happy Agent.  The best way to proceed is to live as normal.  We're on our way home now."

The line went dead.

[poorlittlerichhorne]

Discipline

[specialagentsockgarters]

Albert was unimpressed but curious, Cooper was a little shocked she’d personally call on Harry, and Scully didn’t have the emotional investment in either of them to care much either way. 

Harry leaned forward, a little anxious as to what her favor could possibly be. “What is it, Clarice?”

[poorlittlerichhorne]

"I need you to take Cooper off the case.  Send him home to Audrey."

[poorlittlerichhorne]

Discipline

[specialagentsockgarters]

Albert, with his sharp jaw, sharp nose, and sharp lines in his face, gave one of his ‘polite’ smiles that looked more like a scowl than anything else. “Half siblings. This is a joke, right? You’re kidding me. Is all anyone does in this town fuck and kill each other? You do know there’s more to life than sex and death—”

”Albert."  Cooper shook his head. Harry wasn’t as offended as he might have been four years ago, but damned if Albert wasn’t right. There was an evil in Twin Peaks that they thought was in the forest, but it was looking more and more like it was in every man, woman, and child to live in this town. 

"It would mean that Johnny’s at risk, and so are her friends," finished Harry. 

[poorlittlerichhorne]

"Perhaps."

"Harry?"  This was Clarice.  "I need you to do me a favor."

[poorlittlerichhorne]

Discipline

[specialagentsockgarters]

Cooper did just about everything short of officially declaring Audrey to be on house arrest. For a few days, it was endearing. After a week, it was infuriating. He’d leave to the sheriff’s station for hours at a time, crawling into bed during the middle of the night. He was tense, on edge, and frustrated with the dead ends and paralysis in this case. It wasn’t like this, but not every target was his former mentor. 

He couldn’t stand at the rim of the volcano and do his dance with this one. Windom would be there waiting and push him in, and Cooper really couldn’t afford losing it again, not when things were… nice, honestly and truly, nice. 

Cooper was at the sheriff’s station standing in front of a desk of files pertaining to Donna’s attack. Maybe it was Windom, maybe it was totally unrelated. Maybe he’d keep looking until he saw something. 

The phone rang and Lucy’s voice was on the other end, eventually explaining that Cooper had a call from Mr. Agent Gordon Cole, all the way from California. Long distance, she said, and loud. 

”COOP. JUST GOT WORD ABOUT THE HAYWARD GIRL. REALLY WEIRD STUFF GOING ON UP NORTH. WE’LL BE BACK A.S.A.P.— AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. ALBERT TELEPHONED TO SAY HE SHOULD BE IN TWIN PEAKS—”

"—around 3:00 your time." Albert walked in, checking his watch as he finished the sentence he heard when he’d entered the building. "This is what you’ve got going on, here Coop? One desk full of evidence and no bodies to show for it? We’ve got a lotta work to do, then." 

With Albert’s forensic help and zero patience, he was a perfect complement (perhaps supplement) for Dana Scully. A harsher, more abrasive, and more lovey than Scully, he would be a vital asset to this spiraling case of close calls and trail of unconnected deaths. 

[poorlittlerichhorne]

"Cooper," Harry said, poking his head in as the three agents looked up.  It was almost frightening how in sync they were.  "It's...um, 'me' on the line."

"You.  I'm sorry Harry I didn't knwo your trundling little backward town had a cloning device."

"It's--there was a mix up," Dana said giving Cooper the eye.  They did not know how Albert woudl react to aiding a criminal.  Better that Hannibal be here and able to control the situation.  She pressed the button on the phone.

"Cooper," Hannibal's voie came through.  "Cooper We're on our way back.  But I had a thought.  Anne Boylen, before she was killed, her brother was beheaded and her friends detained.  Miss Hayward todl me that she and Audrey are half siblings.  I Windom is going through with the motif--"

[poorlittlerichhorne]

Discipline

[specialagentsockgarters]

Harry bit back a smile, a frown, anything that might suggest he felt a little something at Clarice going off with a ‘version’ of himself. “Don’t mention it. Just be safe out there.” 

Back at the station, Cooper, Scully, and Lucy were handling the information relay between Ohio, Washington, over the border, and the sheriff’s truck. Harry and Andy were briefing the Haywards on what happened, preferring to do so in their own home so as to keep things as calm and familiar as they could. They radioed the station when they’d be back, and if they’d heard from Hawk or Audrey yet. 

[poorlittlerichhorne]

Clarice and Hannibal were gone for a week.  Audrey was unhappily sequestered to the Great Northern, but at least she was safe. There was nothing they could do.  Hannibal and Clarice reported back that Donna was stable, and someone had tried to decapitate her.  The elevator doors in her dorm had opened, and when she looked into the shaft the elevator has started to come down.

[poorlittlerichhorne]

Discipline

[specialagentsockgarters]

After a rushed and productive few hours, Clarice and Hannibal got tickets for the next flight out for a Mr. Harry S. Tuman and a Special Agent Dana Scully, M.D. One set of Harry’s khaki workshirts and pants went with them, along with one wide brimmed hat, one belt, one sheriff’s badge, and Harry’s oldest, warmest tweed jacket. They were only to be used for the sake of getting in to Donna’s hospital room and Hannibal would probably be out of them in seconds after returning to their hotel room, but still.

The sophisticated, cultured doctor was like a fish out of water in the small town sensible clothing. 

"We’ll keep you updated, I’ve got Lucy in communication with the local law enforcement and hospital. Keep in touch and Doctor Lecter, if you talk to Donna, try not to scare her. She’ll think it’s me and… Agent Starling, you oughta to go in and explain beforehand. She’s a sensitive kid, you know?" 

[poorlittlerichhorne]

"Don't worry, Sheriff.  Hannibal specialized in truamatized young adults in Baltimore.  I trust him with victims more than anyone."  As long as they weren't his own, of course, but she didn't say that.  "Thank you again, Harry.  And...I'm sorry."