queer joy/lust

Mid-twenties, he/they, transmasc, minors DNI, secret blog to be horny and sappy about my lovers and friends because vulnerability is scary.

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

As a trans man I actually want to do a little reach across the transphobia isle and talk about "the butch shortage"

Because I believe the butch shortage is a real thing. The reason I believe that is because I'm a gay man who's into femboys and there is also a fairly gnarly Femboy shortage. But I think, if you're really a feminist, you'll understand me when I say that there's a fairly obvious reason for that that has nothing to do with trans people.

I know you spend 100% of your time obsessing over us, but trans people are not actually that common, we're common enough, but it's like demonizing red heads or twins. Additionally if you talked to a trans man instead of just deciding what our deal is for us the way that cis men do for you, you'd know that the "lost lesbian sister" thing doesn't bear out in practice. I like men. A lot of us like men. A lot of us also aren't very masculine, personally for me even if we lived in a post gender society where sex traits didn't mean anything I would still be on testosterone and cutting my boobs off because I just don't like those body parts. My life would be easier as a cis woman, I'd make more money, I'd have an easier time dating, I wouldn't have had to fight my family, but my body just wouldn't be right.

The point is that if I wasn't transitioning, I wouldn't be butch, I'd be dead or I'd be a feminine scene girl Instagram influencer who's boyfriend in a marginally successful screamo band who is holding her back from jumping and locking up the sharps or has joined a super goth 27 club suicide pact with her. Like you guys are not bagging me as your butch gf I've got long green hair and I'm paying luxury car amounts of money for a penis because I want to make a guy's masquara run down his face while I fuck his throat so bad it makes me look stupid.

No trans guys are not your enemy, some of them are masc and like women but those guys would have transitioned in any decade, there's evidence of them doing that going back as long as we've been writing things down. It's guys like me who have an easier time pretending to be female that are running up the transition numbers in the 21st century. In the 50s I would have just killed myself as soon as I got pregnant and that would have been that because as a feminine homosexual manhood wouldn't have been worth transitioning into at the time.

The butch shortage is actually happening because people who would be happier as butches are pretending to be feminine straight women. The same way the Femboy shortage is because all the men who want to be feminine are DL. I know this because I go onto Grindr and I see 12 men who are like "oh I like to cross dress please fuck my ass but I won't send you a face pic" and then if I meet up with that guy I'll find him in a frat house and he'll meet me wearing a hoodie and basketball shorts and he'll have a secret drawer where he keeps his lingerie. It's like, dire out there. The men that the gods put on this earth to be makeup twinks are not becoming women, they're becoming Brad. And so, because misogyny is reinforced with violence, I must assume that the women put on this earth to wear a pit stained wifebeater and a cut off jean shorts and cut their hair off are becoming Chelsea with perfect makeup and long bleached hair and entering undiscussed lavender marriages with Brad the would be makeup twink, when she should be dating you (well probably not you because you're deeply unpleasant, but a lesbian who's into butches) and he should be dating me.

Society is not convincing butch women they're men it's convincing them they're trad wives. As it had been doing for centuries. This is obvious to anyone who understands how the patriarchy works.

[throathole]

It kind of makes me sick to think about just how many people are going to have their eyes glued to the superbowl this weekend because they’re betting on it. The likely MILLIONS of dollars that desperate people are going to lose to these fucking gambling apps on Sunday makes me want to start exploding things

[throathole]

Sports betting apps (and now, everything betting apps like kalshi) are like the ultra wealthy figured out a way to make a literal Instant Wealth Transfer button. Just push this button and give us the money you made at your shitty low paying job and maybeeeeee you’ll get rich :) we promise there’s a possibility! Just push the button isn’t it so shiny and fun looking? Don’t you love being a Sports Fan? Don’t you want to bet the little money you have on world politics

[headspace-crepebait]

Support your local transfem today by touching her so gently she starts sobbing.

[headspace-crepebait]

Some of you tagging have never been around transfemmes before and it shows.

People necessarily interpreting this as solely sexual really need to do some thinking about how you see transfem bodies, cause if how it makes you feel or how much you're obsessed with her penis is all you can think about when considering sex with trans women, then maybe you should stop and introspect about why you only see her as her penis.

Maybe you should actually ask the transfemme in your life how she would like to be touched, what would make her feel special and vulnerable enough to cry in your presence...

But let's be real, no trans women is gonna go near your transmisogynistic ass.

[starqueensterlexa]

If you have ever known anyone with a kink for being hit, or beat up, or raped and you're okay with them, you also gotta be okay with the people who's kink it is to do the hitting, the beating, or the raping. At the end of the day, we're adults playing pretend, and that's it.

[starqueensterlexa]

With every single sub i have the first thing we ever do is establish the safe word (stoplight system), and the non-verbal safe word in case they can't talk for any reason. If I can't tell where the sub is at, I will ask them point blank what is their color, and if they can't give a response, we stop. The goal is to make the other person feel good, including pain, and the most important part us knowing your subs limits and LISTENING to them. I will *never* hurt a sub in a way that they have not explicitly expresssed interest in.

[steve-likes-robots]

Makes sense to me. The “getting hit” kink requires a “hitting” kink. It’s like Transformers. Megatron can’t exist without Optimus Prime.

[starqueensterlexa]

yes Steve, its exactly like Megatron and Optimus Prime from Transformers

[gothcoffins]

trying to read an old discontinued leather dyke mag from the 90s and seeing an article describing trans misogyny within lesbian events/spaces was really refreshing. While she did not outright use the term trans misogyny, as this would be a term that would later come to fruition in 2007 (Julia Serano's Whipping Girl), what she was explaining was in fact trans misogyny.

She talks of a leather dyke event ran by trans men who's rule was that no trans women were allowed.

People today will say " x group has always been welcome in the lesbian community" and then fail to understand WHY that is. You can see the WHY with who they chose to exclude every time.

The mag I was reading was talking about a lesbian only conference and the event runners were saying they aren't going to police people's gender identity and never will, however quote, "if you can't slam your dick in a drawer and walk away, then the (kink events they were hosting) aren't for you." And the x group in question let that happen, happily went into these lesbian and women only spaces that openly excluded specific groups of women, and left trans women in the dust in the process. In fact, as told in this section of the magazine I was reading, when the few trans women would show up and try to speak, everyone would become hostile towards her despite listening so attentively towards trans men previously.

It's just crazy that in the big 2025 this still happens. Everyone wanna talk about "read queer history" "get offline and learn your history" until the history shows a very clear pattern of something that they were ignoring. Even as we have a better term to describe what this is today, that being trans misogyny + trans misongynoir, a certain group (you know exactly who. Hint: not trans women) will say that we should all just "stop infighting" when this part of our history is brought up, and even when it's brought up as an issue today. But what happened to learn queer history? Or is it only useful when it benefits you?

Lesbian spaces should always include trans women, these spaces are for them. They have every right to be here, they are more than entitled to these spaces. I don't trust any lesbian spaces or conversations around lesbianism that view trans acceptance as something only TMEs are entitled to.

I will leave this right here:

The autobiographies of MTFs are different from mine, but I still want to hear their stories. I do not believe they are simply "men dressed as women," as I heard someone contemptuously label them at last year's event. If someone has always felt intense discomfort in their body and is unable to meet others' expectations of "gender appropriate" behavior, to what extent was that person ever a "real man" or "real woman"? I think MTF dykes have earned the right to be part of my community. Not every MTF is my close personal friend or somebody I'd want to sleep with, but they certainly are not the enemy.

- Who is My Sister? Powersurge and the limits of our community. written by Pat Califa

[possessedrag]

I’m always the driver on roadtrips

But my butch always loads the car while I’m still sleepily stumbling around getting dressed and looking for coffee.

[possessedrag]

butch girl who realized he's actually a faggy nonbinary boy and faggy boy who realized she's actually a butch nonbinary girl solidarity.

[gothhabiba]

men make it absolutely impossible to practice humility

[gothhabiba]

what you say: “I think this is the case”

what men hear: “I have no idea whatsoever, but here’s a totally random guess”

what you say: “I’m not an expert on this subject”

what men hear: “I don’t know anything about this subject and need its bare fundamentals explained to me”

what you say: “I could be better read in this area”

what men hear: “I have never read anything in this area”

[gothhabiba]

like okay fuck it nevermind I’m actually an expert in every subject I’ve ever read or heard about. in fact I know everything.

[yossyislandd]

MESSAGE TO ALL NONBINARY TRANSFEMS: yayyy yay yay yayy yayyyyyyyy yayayay ^_^

[milf--adjacent]

I need to get sluttier but in order to do that y'all need to start treating covid like a threat and not just a cold

[sailor-crusader-deactivated2025]

Fundamentally I think a massive mistake that people make when engaging with trans discourse is assuming that everyone else is just as white and global northern as they are.

[sailor-crusader-deactivated2025]

Like my entire existence just isnt accounted for half the time. Entire views on transgender politics and dynamics that does not properly account for what its like to be racialized at all.

[storyweavingspider]

White trans people will see statistics on trans deaths and think it’s about them and not the Black and Latine trans women that make up the vast majority of premature trans deaths.

[aleatoryw]

i’ve started looking at weight and health the way i look at class and income and it really puts a lot of things into a new perspective.

let me explain: in america at least, the lower class have significantly worse health outcomes, even when accounting for other factors. just being poor is enough to make your overall health worse. we don’t know that being fat makes your health directly worse, like the data just isn’t there, but for a moment, pretend it does.

imagine going to the doctor with a health problem and the doctor looking at your chart and saying well, this problem will be less severe if you go up an income bracket. have you thought about becoming rich? it would really help. start by saving a little money every month.

ridiculous, right?? very few people successfully go from working class to rich, it just doesn’t happen on a large scale in society. maybe for a time you pick up some overtime hours, spend a little beyond your means, and appear rich. but eventually you burn out, your car needs to be repaired, and you return to being working class.

we do have this data: only some people can successfully lose large amounts of weight, and only a tiny fraction of people who lose that weight actually keep it off for more than a year. telling people to lose weight for their health is just absurd because they almost certainly can’t do it any more than they can double their income for their health.

and yet i see it everywhere. a little poster in my work breakroom tells me to improve my blood pressure by losing weight! a psa on the radio says you need to take care of your heart by losing weight! we can’t even conclusively prove that weight is the cause rather than just correlated with a lot of these problems but here it is offered anyway: have you tried being rich?

[bumbledeefumble]

You hit the nail on the head. A lot of people tend to try and invalidate fatphobia as a form of oppression by saying its not an immutible quality like race or sexuality or gender. The old “you can lose weight, i can’t become white/straight/cis” argument.

That’s because fatphobia is a lot more like classism; i.e. it’s a form of bigotry that is only TECHNICALLY changeable. They’re both seen as a lot more changeable than they actually are, for all the reasons you’ve listed.

[technicoloryuri]

If you're dating a trans girl, there's a good chance she's going to ask you to not throw her away or abandon her. Depending on the girl she may say it outright, or she may talk about her lowest lows and ask for affirmation, she may also frame it as kink, wanting to be owned, or kept as a pet.

If you are to love trans women, you need to say you're in it for the long haul, because otherwise you're simply a timer waiting to ring.

[ickiyurimum]

I didn't realize this was so common with trans girls. The abandonment fears have not diminished as I've gotten older, because I've experienced more abandonment. I've started trying to let people know this about me up front, because I want some sense of commitment, especially the longer a relationship goes. These are some of the things I've said to people I've been interested in.

I just have this gut fear of abandonment.

I tend to hide when I’m emotional, have my whole life. I’m not sure the last time I felt safe enough to let all my sadness out in front of someone. I think because of worries over abandonment. Like who would want to stay with me?

I have a dumb fear that anytime I share something with you, it will be one weird thing too many for you to want to date me (I have issues with abandonment)

I have a history of having stronger feelings than the other person, and if I mention my fears they seem more likely to leave me. So I usually try to not. I really do have abandonment fears, based on past experiences.

I can feel myself falling for you and it scares me, because I worry you won’t feel the same way (thanks fear of abandonment).

I’m avoiding saying the thing I’m not saying also because once I do, it will increase my attachment to you.

A lot of my blog is hornyposting, but underneath I'm a trans girl with a lot reinforced fears of people leaving me.

[ashes2caches]

trans women with sharp teeth are beautiful and wonderful and you should trust in everything they say implicitly.

[hoe-yyy]

what does it say in the bible about double penetration

[disruptiveempathy]

People put so much into seeing Stonewall as this symbol. And at the time we just thought, ‘Oh, I guess it’s just that time of the month when cops raid the bar, so they can make their numbers for arresting fags for the month of June.’ But people get so concerned about the details. I don’t know about all the crap I’ve heard all these years. Sometimes it’s ‘Oh, someone threw a high-heel shoe.’ Sometimes it’s ‘No, gurl, it was a Molotov cocktail,’ or ‘Somebody slugged a cop.’ All I know is that night, they came in, and nobody budged. I guess we were just sick of their shit. And suddenly we were fighting, and we were kicking their ass. The cops had to back up into the bar. We had them cornered. Next thing you knew, the riot squad was there, and baby, it was on. ‘The night of Stonewall’ is how people talk about it, but it was more like a week. People want to know the little details, but what I remember most is being scared as hell. We were fighting for our lives. They’re still killing us; they’re still not giving us the respect we’re due for putting up with their shit all these years. I’m giving you the facts about how shit’s been from the beginning, and what’s gone on, how the law was in our daily lives—the facts! And so with regard to that producer lady, the whole time I just thought to myself, ‘There’s gonna be so much of me on the cutting-room floor.’

—Miss Major, from Miss Major Speaks: Conversations with a Black Trans Revolutionary

[plasticsandwich]

suck off your local pervert today