HOLA PAPI

Hope y'all are having a horrible day. HMU

[potato-asian]

Ash: woah what is this Pokemon

Mew: mew mew mew mew mew mew mew mew mew mew mew mew mew mew mew

Ash: god damn I better use my pokedex

[clayjokes]

The police pull my lifeless body from a lake but I’m wearing the funniest hat they’ve ever seen and they can’t stop laughing and keep dropping me back into the water

[dutchstore]

[eltigrechico]

Is this what Chaotic good is?

[pon-raul]

sold out his fellow employee in a second damn

[fluffy-moose]

Chaotic Good - Customer

Lawful Good - Chef

Chaotic Evil - Cashier

[loafed-beans-deactivated2020082]

NASA explain yourselves

[suppermariobroth]

Mario disrupts Sonic’s interview in one of the promotional videos for Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games.

[swingsetindecember]

where a superhero has to deal with a supervillain who thinks they’re their best friend

“we’re enemies - last week you tried to rob a bank”

“i got us a groupon for that new thai restaurant”

“you stole it!”

“it’s really the savings that are the crime”

[sophielostandfound]

‘here’s a handmade friendship bracelet for you!’

‘you didn’t make that, the girl scout you stole that from is crying right over there!’

‘i also got you thin mints!’

[swingsetindecember]

“this box is half empty…”

“half the calories!”

[sophielostandfound]

‘and here’s a latte to wash the cookies down!’ ‘this to-go cup doesn’t have either of our names on it.’ ‘no one seemed to respond in the first 5 seconds after the barista called the name out, so i took it to make sure it wouldn’t go to waste!’

[swingsetindecember]

“why are you doing this while robbing a bank? who brings a latte to a heist?”

“well i thought you’d be thirsty from trying to stop criminals.”

“you’re the one doing the crime!”

“hey, i’m an artist. this isn’t even the only bank being robbed by me right now.”

[sophielostandfound]

‘speaking of art, i’ve already returned the original wharhol’s you stole back to the museum.’ ‘but those were your birthday present!’ ‘they were stolen and i don’t even like pop art!’ ‘so what you’re saying is something art nouveau for Hanukkah then?’

[swingsetindecember]

“we aren’t FRIENDS. you’re EVIL! you’re breaking the law right now!”

“is this because i didn’t come to your slam poetry night? i was in jail”

“i am aware. i put you there. AND YOU WEREN’T INVITED!”

[sophielostandfound]

‘i know, i just friended you on facebook so that you can invite me next time!’ ’…did you already friend my MOM?’ ‘she’s a lovely woman, we’re going antiquing next sunday!

[swingsetindecember]

“YOU CAN’T MAKE HER AN ACCESSORY TO CRIME”

“please, she’d never get caught with me”

“you get caught all the time!”

“well, yeah, by you”

[sophielostandfound]

‘and look, i even made a scrapbook of all the times you’ve caught me!’ ‘this is…incredibly comprehensive and oddly touching.’ ‘aww, i’m so glad you like it!’ ‘i’d like it a lot better if you didn’t have the back quarter of the book marked out for future crimes.’

[swingsetindecember]

“i’m just keeping the option open. you’d be awesome at it. it’s all i’m saying”

“i really hope this isn’t going to be used as evidence in your next trial”

“oh my god, remember that last public defender? hilarious. they used one of my old crime collages. i was touched you kept it”

[terriamon]

you were named after two of the bravest men i ever knew

Naruto Naruto

[carybear]

but what about sasuke?

[terriamon]

[thebootydiaries]

so ur just gonna sit in my house under my roof and tell me headskin is called “”“scalp”“”…..………ok.

[thebootydiaries]

so ur really gonna come in my home look me in the eyes in front of my bare children and tell me hand noodles are called “”“fingers”“” …..ok.

[thebootydiaries]

told my mom i wanna drop out of uni and marry rich and she said “what rich guy would wanna marry u” she right

[justjames]

IPHONE 8 LEAK it will come with no screen to make the phone thinner than every other phone suck on that Samsung 

[tastefullyoffensive]

[caleforpresident]

Give him space He can do it

[goodluckrob-deactivated20221110]

[seeklight-deactivated20210703]

This is the easiest way to piss a conservative off though… Like ask for a specific source and they FLIP

[crownsforusall]

That boy short-circuited

[dreamgrl1998-deactivated2022072]

u guys ever wonder if someone’s using ur pictures to catfish

[square2017]

no some of us are ugly

[parakeet]

[dj-bsnow-deactivated20130913]

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple “Thank You” will suffice. None of this “How did you get in my house” business. So rude

[scenicroutes]

[walks around with an entire big mac in my mouth but never actually biting down] It’s a metaphor, see: you put the killing thing right between your teeth, but you don’t give it the power to do its killing.

[sweetstardrop]

you took this from a fault in our stars augustus does the same thing only with a cigarette ok ok

[scenicroutes]

i don’t know what you’re talking about this is an excerpt from my upcoming 100% original novel “the fart in our stalls”

[lilttlekingtrashmouth]

Myself @ me: you need to wake up earlier so you don’t waste the day Me @ myself: sorry I was sleeping and just saw this lol wyd