[setulose]

Trace amounts of Monica in my life

[setulose]

A statistically insignificant level of Monica in my life

[setulose]

My life manufactured in a facility that also processes Monica

[brucespringsteencomments]

[caffeinewitchcraft]

A 75 yo man proudly came into the cafe wearing an Ultra Maga hat. I excused my barista from the register to handle the transaction.

"The hat is customizable," he said, struggling with the velcro patch on the front. "If I need it, I have an ICE one too. I pick based off the business i walk into."

"Customizable is an important hat descriptor," I said. "what can I get you?"

"You wouldn't believe how offended people get these days," he said. "And I'm supposed to do something about it if you're offended? You chose to be offended!"

"We all have hundreds of thousands of decisions everyday," I said. I thickened my accent. "That's what my stepdad always said. But I can make one easier - we have a delicious Ethiopian roast available."

"Like if I told you you have a bull ring," he said, "because bulls have rings in their noses. Is that offensive?"

I laughed. "I've heard that before."

"It's a joke, but people get offended. Maybe you're offended."

I looked at him. I smiled. "You aren't trying to offend me though, right?"

Of course he was. I was being friendly and the friendlier I was, the faster he switched topics. He was saying anything inflammatory he could think of to see if I'd take the bait. After about 20 minutes of my redirecting and deescalating, he settled into a more normal interaction. He took up too much of my time showing me a product I'd feigned mild interest in to get him to stop talking about getting accused of inappropriate behavior at work. When we finally disengaged, he spent 10 minutes trying to catch my eye again. When he failed, he left.

There's this new breed of customer who insists on trying to incite political conversation through their clothing and, when that doesnt work, their snide little comments. If I owned my own business, maybe I would have given the guy the fight he wanted. But I work for a corporation and I love paying my bills so I deescalated.

Anyone wearing that type of shit and preying on workers for their own spank bank material is a brainless fucking sheep.

[headedoutleft]

something i want to mention because i’ve seen it growing as a trend online is that not only do people do this just for their own gratification, but watch for glasses. smart glasses are a growing segment of the consumer market, and creeps like this are harassing people in public in order to gather content without the victims being aware they’re being filmed

good job on how you handled it, op!

[ismenes]

you know those studies showing that cursing helps with pain tolerance or whatever. that’s how i feel about making my weird little noises to get through my basic daily activities. sometimes you just have to go hggblaaaah for a minute so you can find the strength within yourself to get up or wash the dishes or send an email. mmmnneh. urgh. the torments are unending but you can always make some little sounds about it.

[captain-price-returns]

whoopsie

[markovchaingang]

americans are a saudi oil baron's idea of classy. brits are an american's idea of classy. the french are a brit's idea of classy. unfortunately the chain ends here since the french's idea of classy is also the french

[catsi]

in grade 12 we were reading romeo and juliet and we were at the romantic-ass balcony scene and this hot girl in the class volunteered to read juliet’s parts and i put up my hand to volunteer for another part and the teacher goes ‘oh do you want to be the nurse, amanda?’ and i was like ‘no i wanna be romeo’ and the hot girl swiveled around in her seat to give me a Look™

she and i later ended up making out at a bunch of parties in university lmfao

[catsi]

in retrospect this moment was absolutely pivotal to my butch awakening but it was also just a lesbian power move

[eyeballs-2-entrails]

I too got a girlfriend over this play. In grade 10, I was reading the balcony scene to study with two other people (one guy and one beautiful girl) and I insisted point blank I had to read as romeo, because he had the most lines and I’m a dramatic little shit.

So the other two in my group are used to my antics by now. We’re all friends, so the pair of them decide that the one guy in our group gets to be the nurse. Now, my Juliet and I have been friends for a couple months by this point, so I decide to be a little more dramatic.

We put Juliet on a spinny chair, and pump it up as tall as it goes, and my baby, closeted lesbian ass crouches on the floor, ready to be as melodramatic as possible. Like, I’m about to do a rendition that makes William himself walk into the class and tell me to take it back a notch or twelve.

And then I look up.

And holy shit.

There she is, Juliet, haloed in the worst fluorescent light known to mortals across the globe. Light just streaming down around her, that weird off-green colour that it always is. And she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. My little gay soul is barely holding on as the words barely leave my lips, breathlessly. “But soft… what light from yonder window breaks?”

And Juliet was the sun. Romeo was not exaggerating that line at all.

Juliet and I have also been together for more than 4 years now. She’s every bit as spectacular as she was when I was a lovestruck teenage Romeo, kneeling on the yellowed linoleum floor of second block english.

[rebakitt3n]

[girlblocker]

me if meowing was a sin tbh

[girlblocker]

& heres me if meowing was illegal

[mysonglady-deactivated20230606]

But it’s not so enjoy

[girlblocker]

so true, here i am happy and free because nobody can morally or legally stop me from meowing

[athenasdragon]

Ain’t baby yoda that Russian witch who lives in the house with chicken feet

[liketherazor]

So not knowing the reference, i googled “Russian witch house” and I’ll be damned. Turns out that’s a whole genre of music.

[fullmoonguidance]

let the bodies hit the floor is such a scary song. usually bodies hitting the floor isn’t a good thing but this guy wants it to happen anyway.

[fullmoonguidance]

and yet he insists there’s nothing wrong with him. haunting

[b0nkcreat]

eyes emoji was the perfect invention for nosy people. like 👀 whats going on over here 👀👀 i just wanna know #LetMeKnow 👀👀👀

[theweirdwideweb]

[correctopinionhaver]

[cheaphalloweencostume]

yesterday my grandma found a penny on the floor and said to my grandpa “there’s that penny again, pa!” and i absolutely lost my mind because i couldn’t shelve the thought of a single panel Far Side comic of two old people on the front porch in the middle of nowhere and a giant penny angrily and inexplicably rolling through the wastes

“there’s that penny again, pa!”

[secreteggplantbaby]

[cheaphalloweencostume]

this is hands down my single favorite post ive ever made that got notes

[morgannalefey]

I sincerely hope that the OP realizes that gramma was very likely quoting that cartoon.

[cheaphalloweencostume]

the cartoon that was drawn and posted based on my post? probably not, but i guess we can never know

[crimsonclad]

I saw a bumper sticker and thought “is that seductive Daffy Duck” and then when I looked closer I realized it was actually a fishing bumper sticker but also. also it is still very much seductive Daffy Duck???? somehow????????

[mothsprout]

Had a dream that I saw this ad in a paper

[delestre]

please stop this looks like a real tumblr ad

[undeadentropy]

I literally didn't question it until I read the post. I was just about to be happy the tumblr shitpost ad ecosystem was beginning to heal.

[thisuneasymist]

Tumblr i miss ads like these. I need ads like these back and not the ai fried egg titties or the ai chat bot "no really our bot will totally fuck you unlike other ai bots" ads. I miss the purity of how truly weird the ads were.

[evergreen-femme]

on twitter they're saying if you like strap you're not a real lesbian

what the fuck is happening why is everyone getting 200% more conservative and insane in real time

[closet-keys]