it happened. i fell in love.
it felt like a betrayal to my self appointed aromanticism. as if i couldn't call myself that anymore.
sometimes i read the lgbtq wikia page to comfort my uncertainty. to tell myself: this experience is such a big spectrum, that not even a library could encompass it.
i dont want to use very specific labels, im scared of putting myself in boxes, but in my head even i have this rigid view of myself, this destroyed me.
i was in love - am in love? - im not sure. the screaming in my head was really intense for the mentioned 3 days and now its 'just' a longing.
something i experienced before, but just once.
i could call myself greyromantic, demiromantic, or whatever, whatever, but i think that would miss the point.
im still aro, im still ace because i feel closer to those terms than i do to alloness.
even so, my "falling in love" is nothing i would compare to what allo people tell me they feel. well maybe a bit. theres similarities, but with a degree i cannot explain it feels like my own very personal, very aromantic version of being hopelessly romantic.
its not something i want to confess, not something i want to appoint bureaucracy to, perform infront of an audience, its something i want to enjoy, and experience.
i am in love and i am aromantic and theres no contradiction.
i fell in love anew and i fell in love again - and i have been left stranded, again.
all my love ever succumbs to is longing.