I'M ALIVE
trying on a metaphor
i don't do bad sauce passes
we're not kids anymore.
dirt enthusiast

Discoholic 🪩
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Claire Keane
DEAR READER

Origami Around

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❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
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Kaledo Art
tumblr dot com
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸

JVL

Andulka
cherry valley forever
Xuebing Du
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@priboltao
I'M ALIVE
Guess what time it is kids?
that’s right, time to log off to go to darker corners of this godforsaken website!
i just had the weirdest moment, i was feeling my front teeth with my tongue because they’re the tiniest bit crooked, and then i had the thought “i’ll check if they’re also crooked in my other mouth” and then i realized to my shock and confusion that i have only one mouth, leading me to believe that in a past life i was a terrible monster with two mouths
A few months ago, I thought to myself “Mmm I’m so tired… how much longer in this one again?” and I knew instinctively what I meant by ‘this one’ was this body and this life. I then spend a few wide-eyed moments having an identity/existential crisis like how many times have I been on this earth to have such an instinctive response to being bone-weary to my soul? No one can really answer, especially not me.
In July 2017, one night I woke up around 2 a.m and blurted out in a quasi professorial voice “the Equinox Bird has infinite beaks, all in the wrong direction, and infinite eyes” and I don’t know what the fuck I was dreaming about but it still haunts me. It seemed like a very important information for a few seconds.
i really appreciate the last commenter giving us an exact date and time like that information needs to be preserved
One time I passed out on the couch after going a few days without sleep, and when I woke up mom said I had been speaking in German in my sleep, and it sounded like I was ordering people to build something
When I was like 5 my mom took me to the grave of her friend that died of cancer and I asked what happened and my mom explained that she died and i fucking said “I died once” and my mom asked me to explain and I went into pretty detailed explanation about how I died in a war because “I got stabbed by a gun with a knife at the end” (my exact words) and I met god and she (she’s a woman obvs) asked if I wanted to stay or go back to earth and I said I wanted to go back so I chose my mom cause she was struggling to have a baby (she had me through IVF) and lemme tell you that changed her like nothing will make you second guess your religious beliefs like a five year old explaining heaven and god to you
this post is a fucking ride and it reminded me of something i forgot
one time i was playing on my wii (like 5-ish years ago) and i thought to myself “i haven’t checked on rowan in a week, has he died from the plague? :(“ and i didn’t think anything of it for a bit until later when i had a “what the fuck” moment
I love this kind of shit because it happens to me all the goddamn time. Like:
-The other night I rolled over in the middle of the night to shake my partner awake, proceeded to tell him how I was glad that ‘this time round we would truly have the freedom to love each other properly’ and how his hands belonged to his last self, but his eyes had never changed in all the lives I’d known him. And he just laid there in the dark like wtf because I was asleep. Like I’d woken him to tell him that all in my sleep and then left him to have a crisis.
- Watching the history channel with my Pop on the couch, tender age of 7, and they’re talking about crucifixion. And my pop, ever the funny man, is like “that looks like it aughta hurt”. And I just turn to look at him and without hesitation reply “only at first”. And he’s like “what do you mean” and tiny me just shrugged and said “well there’s a place beyond the hurt where everything just stops” and he turned the telly off and left the room.
- night before Christmas 2012, dreamt I’d been stabbed in the lungs by an angel with the face of a falcon. He looked at me and told me he had to do it, so that ‘my next breath would come as a rebirth’. When he started to glow so brightly that it burned my eyes, I woke up to all the lights in my house on and a dark bruise beneath my rib cage. Will admit, that one freaked me out.
- walked past a graveyard with a friend back in middle school on the way to her house, and mid conversation I stopped talking and stood stock still, looked over at the walls,and quietly said “I have a friend in there”. Then picked up the conversation and continued strolling like nothing had happened. To be fair, I didn’t realise what I’d said. She still tells me I’m the reason she can’t walk past that graveyard anymore.
- a couple of years ago when I was in Wales I walked past an old stone house just outside of Aberystwyth, and just started to weep. I had the overwhelming thought that I needed to be in there to get dinner ready for the children, but in a different life so long ago and so impossible to reach, that thefeeling of loss was instant and overwhelming.
- was about to use a pedestrian crossing, when my whole body just sort of went hey don’t do that, and so I stopped and put my arm out to stop the woman who was crossing behind me, and 2 seconds later a car came skidding around the corner and crashed into the tree on the other side of the crossing, and I just whispered “ha, not this time” and didn’t really think about it until later when I realised I’d nearly died again. (Btw i waited for th ambulance to show up and the dude driving the car was fine, just hit his head and was drunk af at 10:30am on a Thursday).
- another dream I had just this week, I was sitting in an otherwise empty cinema with a tall, thin man. I can’t really recall what he looked like, except he was well dressed, impossibly pale, and he kind of blurred when you looked directly at him, so I mainly watched him out the corner of my eye and looked ahead at the blank movie screen. He was holding my hand, and he asked me if i enjoyed my life. I said yes and explained why. He then said, almost verbatim, “And how does this one weigh against the last? Can it tip the scales, or is it, at last, to be found lacking?” And I replied, almost verbatim “I weigh my lives against my joy, and each life I find there is more joy to be discovered.” He replied with a laugh, lifted my hand to a kiss and said “till next time then” and disappeared. I woke up in the dark with both my cats sitting on me, alert, and staring out my bedroom door.
So many more, but these are the first that come to mind.
When I was little, my mother, my sister and I would dream in unison so often that one time when my mother was having a rather dull dream about golf my tiny 3 year old self shook her awake and told her to stop because it was boring. She dreaded having nightmares because both of us would wake up shrieking.
My sister and I have also been known to argue in our sleep. Witnesses assure us that whatever made the shouting start, we both knew what it was and were mad about it. We don’t need to be in the same room for this.
We also stayed in a haunted house for a while. An old lady had fallen in the chilly hallway just outside the warm kitchen, broken her hip, and couldn’t reach high enough to open the door, so she died of hypothermia a foot away from a telephone and warmth. Without fail, every person who stood in that spot and tried to open that door - the single most used door in the house, being between the kitchen and the bathroom and front door - felt cold and found themselves scrabbling frantically at the door handle, which was always strangely hard to open from that side. You got used to it to an extent, but it always hit strangers hard.
Shit dude yall are cursed
I love this thread
I understand why people dislike leather and animal products. But leather is such a good resource? Like… My mom bought a sturdy leather coat in 1989. I’m in my 20’s and I now wear that coat. That’s a 30 year old coat? 30 years, two generations, one coat. Versus, like… A plastic one, that rips and gets thrown out, or releases bits into the ecosystem every time it’s washed, takes a billion years to decompose, lasts maybe a decade if you’re super duper careful, and uses oil products in it’s construction. Like, yeah leather is expensive and comes from a living animal, and I’m not saying that you should go out and buy fifty fur and leather products for the he’ll of it, but like… Maybe the compromise is worth it? One animal product, valued and respected and worn down for generations, versus like… Six plastic products that will never ever go away?
idk, I could be wrong.
This is one of my more irritating posts because every couple days I’ll get an update on it and it’s either “Yeah I wear my dad’s old jacket, it’s 50 years old this May” or “ACTUALLY leather wax has mashed up baby kittens in it, educate yourself, sucks you hate poor people and farmers though” as if I did not spend 15 years of my life as a poor farmer before getting my degree in fashion design
vegans will be self-identifying as progressive and then shit all over native and indigenous peoples cultural practices. Leather isn’t evil, it’s how our ancestors survived for generations in harsh weather.
I think my biggest problem with veganism is that there is a line between, idk, “exploiting animals is wrong” and “If you touch anything with animal products you’re immoral”
Like yeah, the meat industry destroys the environment and hurts way more animals than it should for profit
But people start fighting THAT and suddenly they start acting like it’s cheaper to be vegan and also greener and like??? it’s not???
idk i wish we like... took a moment to just be sad about how a book series a lot of us really really loved turned out to have been written by an awful person?
like yes it has problematic themes but i wish we would stop pretending it always sucked and everyone who liked it was a dumb idiot. yes it’s not Literature (TM), it’s a children series, ok nu. but it was a really good children’s series and there were reasons everyone loved it.
a lot of us have lost an important part of our childhood because it’s tainted now and like. maybe we could or should just be sad about that and recognize we lost something.
also if people could stop yelling about how we’re stupid idiots with no taste because we liked children’s books when we were eight years old that would, like, be cool too
like if you were a kid who was abused or different or lonely the idea of being whisked away to a magical world was immensely compelling. the idea of having friends and finding out you were special and there was a reason you were being mistreated was immensely compelling.
on top of that the worldbuilding is genuinely immersive. it really felt to me like there was a world beyond the main characters and that’s something i rarely find in other books.
and yeah as an adult i can look at the goblins and rita skeeter and see how it’s all problematic but as a kid it all truly flew over my head. the goblins didn’t give me internalized antisemitism cause i did not realize they were pulling from jewish stereotypes. rita skeeter did not make me transphobic cause i straight up did not notice the parts about her physical body being “manly” until people pointed that out two years ago.
yeah as an adult i can read it and see a whole boatload of problematic stuff but it wasn’t actually always obvious and like. it could have gone differently. if jkr was a different person she could have apologized for all of this. or explained she hadn’t known better but now she does and that she’s sorry to the communities she hurt. there was a moment when i thought that was possible. now it’s obvious that it’s not, and i think i’m allowed to mourn that.
and i’m allowed to mourn that something that was incredibly important to me as a child and that i really loved is now irrevocably tainted. we all are. we don’t have to pretend it retroactively sucked and that we were all idiots for being nine-year-olds who wanted to escape our lives and found a means to do it vicariously. fuck, it’s sad enough that nine-year-olds wanted to escape their lives. but anyways we weren’t idiots, the books were good for their time and what they were. we genuinely lost something of value and it’s okay to mourn that.
Also, I get very tired of hearing "read any other book" - many potter fans were, and are, voracious readers. We have read and enjoyed other books; many of the books we read as children were marketed as "if you like Harry Potter..." at the time. Feeling grief over the betrayal of one author does not mean that you don't enjoy, or care deeply about, other books.
if you're invested enough in a book series that you feel the need to mourn when you find out the author's a bigot, your life went wrong somewhere.
you mean the part where i was literal six-year-old? no you’re right i should have just skipped right to adulthood
I mean, as noted in the posts above, for a lot of people who escaped into Harry Potter and other books so hard as children, their lives DID go very wrong somewhere. When the books were coming out, I knew more than one person who were suicidal teenagers who didn’t kill themselves because “but then I won’t find out how the books end”. So, you know, maybe don’t be a shithead about people having feelings about something that was important to them.
This is really getting out of hand. 🤣
the way people talk about type 2 diabetes, and specifically the way people talk about people who have type 2 diabetes...is pretty fucked
having diabetes is not a moral failure
Hey op you're so right gd you're so right like tw: ed but I have diabetes on both sides of my family (literally both of my parents are diabetic) making me more prone to blood sugar spikes and stuff and I was at the doctor last year and they found out I was insulin resistant and pre diabetic and told me I desperately needed to lose weight. That was the end of their advice: lose weight or you will become diabetic and die.
Anyway I lost fifty pounds in a year from relapsing in my ED and my blood sugar never stopped spiking and my insulin resistance never got better and I went to residential treatment and was like "no no I need to lose weight I need to lose weight or I'll die" n they were like "why?" And I was like "I'm prediabetic and insulin resistant" and they told me
All I had to do was make sure I balanced sugary foods with protein.
I got out of treatment in april and have been having a handful of nuts with sweets and I had my A1C taken today and I'm no longer pre diabetic
The way doctors see type 2 diabetes and high weights as moral failings for which weight loss is the redemption is fucking insane. I wrote on my intake work I had a history of ED and she still didn't hesitate to tell me to lose weight instead of telling me how to balance my macronutrients so that my blood sugar no longer spiked.
*comes home from a long day at work* boy i sure could use a snack *eats a fucking table + bird cage with a basilisk on it*
I work with the “you get one strike” system
If someone says something stupid, I go to the comment section and check - more often than not, someone already explained the issue very nicely. If the next statement is “oh sorry guys I’m unlearning stuff I’ll do better next time”, great!
If the next statement is “whoa I’m sorry you guys are sensitive but now I’m being attacked for my opinions and here’s an article from a transphobe on how you are all wrong”, then you don’t get to cry ~but cancel culture!!!~ cause I won’t be hearing anything else you have to say cause you DECIDED to stay a moron
*missing the charging port on my phone* don’t think about it don’t think about it don’t think about it
my two favourite things about this
everyone knows what this is
the scene was an adaptation of a scene from the original novel where instead of a charging port on a phone, it’s a winding key in a pocketwatch. I like to imagine people having this exact same kind of thought when they missed the watch keyhole 100 years ago
*person from the 1800's missing the pocket watch keyhole* don't think about it don't think about it don't think about it
I had to google what was happening on this post bc I had no idea. I have no memory of this show whatsoever. It’s like BBC’s Sherlock was completely erased from my mind. Amazing.
R.I.P. The 2976 American people that lost their lives on 9/11 and R.I.P. the 48,644 Afghan and 1,690,903 Iraqi and 35000 Pakistani people that paid the ultimate price for a crime they did not commit
loki has had to deal with thor doing this since the beginning
Never Forget the Reign of Terror waged against Muslims (and by extension, Sikhs profiled as being Muslim) in the nearly two decades following 9/11.
9/11 never forget
The bombing of La Moneda (seat of the president in Chile) on 11 September 1973 by the Chilean Armed Forces.
On September 11, 1973, the US government helped orchestrate a coup that desposed of democratically elected socialist president Salvador Allende. The coup lead to dictator Augusto Pinochet's military officers seizing power. The military established a junta that suspended all political activity in Chile and repressed left-wing movements, dissolving congress and outlawing enemy parties. The military government also took control of all media, including the radio broadcasting that Allende attempted to use to give his final speech to the nation. Allende's death occurred in the presidential palace after he gave a final speech. One of the first measures of the dictatorship was to set up a 'national youth office' as a way of mobilizing support for it. Pinochet rose to supreme power within a year of the coup and was formally declared President of Chile in late 1974, leading the Nixon administration to recognize the junta government and support it in consolidating power. In the first months after the coup the military killed thousands of real and 'suspected' Chilean leftists or forced their "disappearance" in which they were tortured or killed. The number of dead and disappeared citizens soon reached thousands. Torture and detention centers were established.
Pictures of people missing after the coup.
The CIA helped justify the coup in propaganda to Chilean citizens, pushing a conspiracy theory that they were in fact anticipating a self-coup (Plan Zeta/Plan Z) that Allende's government or its associates were preparing. The theory was later discredited and officially recognized as political propaganda.
Decades before the coup, the US intervened in Chilean politics pushing anti-communist ideology, which influenced the Chilean Army.