you forgot to tell the little daycare employees that i'll only use toilets with automatic flushers if someone holds my hand bc i'm scared it might flush real loud before i get off of it, and i was too shy to ask them to hold my hand or take me to the training potties (those are IN FRONT of EVERYONE!) so i just keep asking for the potty and then going in there and standing in front of it all nervous but being scared to use it.
the fourth time i ask, which is the second time in the span of a half hour (i'm getting really desperate, shifting from foot to foot and fiddling with my hair incessantly and chewing on one of my sleeves and i've already leaked but it's not visible through my pants) the daycare employees say it's my last time for two hours because clearly i'm only going in there to play in the sink (which, well, i might have done, but, it's a cool sink with the soap dispensers BUILT IN so you can make it like a little bubble bath in there)
so i really, really try to use the big potty ... but it's too SCARY! i manage to get as far as pulling my pants down and sitting on it and letting out a little nervous tinkle but the sound of my peepee hitting the water reminds me of the water and the water reminds me it's gonna FLUSH and then i wiggle and that sets the automatic flusher off which makes me jump off the potty and run out of the stall in a panic.
i dribble peepee all over my pants and undies before i'm able to calm down and stop, but i still really really need to go. i barely got any out! but i pull up my pants and wash my hands and come out anyway because i'm NOT trying on the scary potty again.
the daycare worker looks a bit exasperated but sympathetic when i come out with little wet spots on my pants. "buddy, did you not make it all the way?" i nod, and i want to explain that i didn't get to potty at all, i couldn't go, but the words just don't come. i put my thumb in my mouth as tears start to form. i need to go potty... i want to go home so i can go potty like a good boy. but i can't hold it until then, that's like a whole hour away.
i let the daycare worker lead me to the nurse's office. he helps me find some clean undies and pants in the spare drawer she has. the undies are the regular kind, not the kind with a little extra padding just in case that mommy normally gets me.
my bladder is so full that i can barely stay still as the daycare worker has me stand with my legs a bit apart so he can pull down my lightly-dribbled pants and undies. i'm able to keep from making anymore dribbles as he pulls the new undies on, but ... they're really tight around my waist, and they're pressing on my bladder, and a small spurt comes out, making a wet spot on the undies that the daycare worker doesn't notice. i try to say something, but i'm too overwhelmed and just too little.
i put my thumb back in my mouth again and squeeze my eyes shut as he starts to pull the clean pants up my legs. i just have to hold it, i just have to hold it, i just have to-
there's another spurt, longer this time, and it goes right through the undies and into the new pants as the worker has them partway up. i just barely manage to stop it, but the peepee wants to come out really bad. my bladder is so full. the daycare worker stops, startled. "wait, kiddo-" he starts. but i can't hold back the rest anymore. it just pours out of me in a heavy stream, soaking the new undies almost instantly and pooling in and dripping through the pants that are still around my knees.
i start crying for real then, as i fully empty my poor, overfull bladder of all the liquid built up over the day. it gets to a point where i probably could stop peeing, but i don't. my bladder just feels so full and painful that i can't bear to stop.
when i'm empty, but still crying, the daycare worker sighs. "buddy, we just got you new pants. you couldn't have done that while we had your pants off?"
that makes me cry even harder, and he apologizes and rubs my shoulders soothingly. "it's okay, little guy. i'm sorry, i didn't mean to make you feel bad. come on, let's go to the changing room and get you all cleaned up."
he has me lie down on the changing table so he can wipe my potty parts and my legs off real clean with baby wipes so i don't get a rash. then, he puts a pull-up on me, despite my wordless whining protests. "you really need one of these, bud." he says.
i don't get new pants, either. he just has me go back out into the playroom, blushing in just my shirt and pull-up.
and that's how you find me when you come to pick me up from the daycare, in a t-shirt and pull-up with a note that says you need to call in and discuss my potty training level with the head daycare worker.