I avoided porn as a teen. But I frequented a womenâs bookstore that had a big poster, on the wall, with an erotic line drawing of two women lying together.
I guarantee you that if my peers had taught me that I had to run any porn by my parents first, I wouldâve taken this literally and thought that I had to show them the poster. (And what? See if they approved? Ask them if it was okay that I thought it was hot?)
And I can tell you, my dad, who sexually abused me, would have reacted the same way he did when I foolishly asked if he and my mom still had sex.
He wouldâve been WAY too eager to overshare about sexual stuff with me. He probably wouldâve started gushing about how sexy he, too, thought the poster was, and then tried to talk to me some more about what my turn-ons were or something. UGGHHGHHGH
That would fuck anybody up. But if itâs coming from someone who sexually abused you, itâs literally traumatizing.
And thatâs a pretty mild example. If Iâd actually been into porn, being shamed into sharing it with my abuser, to get it vetted and approved?!, might have literally killed me.
This idea is completely against everything that psychology knows about developing a healthy relationship with sexuality. The absolute LAST thing a teen should be doing is bringing their parents into their exploration of sex.
Go to them with questions if theyâre safe to ask.
But telling them that what they should be asking is, âplease can you watch this porn and tell me if I can get off to itâ⌠thatâs covert sexual abuse from a distance.
I had been gonna say that not only is it against everything we know about healthy sexual boundaries between parents and teens, but also, itâs YET ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF ANTIS PUTTING SEXUAL ABUSE SURVIVORS IN HARMâS WAY WHILE CLAIMING THEYâRE PROTECTING PEOPLEâŚ..
But thatâs redundant. Because even for teens who havenât been sexually abused, this is downright abusive. Telling them they shouldnât have sexual boundaries with authority figures is a BAD IDEA.
This clearly comes from the anti idea that their sense of âewwwwww this is gross and badâ isnât just being creeped out, itâs some kind of⌠goddamn psychic power that lets them know what is and isnât healthy for all other people. And that they need to patrol all communities, using their superpower to protect everyone.
It never occurs to them that there might be information theyâre missing. Because all the information out there contradicts their gut sense that something is gross, and their belief that that means something bigger than âI think thatâs gross.â
So they end up demanding that teens not even develop, or respect, their own sense of what to talk to a trusted adult about, around sex, or what feels safe or unsafe to them, or whether they even have a trusted adult⌠theyâre just like, âdonât have your own boundaries. Have the boundaries we tell you you can have, around sex.â
Yeah thatâs DEFINITELY not abusive. And teaching them that thatâs how to live DEFINITELY isnât teaching them to get into abusive adult relationships. AWESOME.
