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@private-online-journal
Oh, man. Graveyard dirt in movies is always so nice. Like it looks so crumbly and soft and smooth... Kinda dry and loose and just... Shoveling it is so easy. Looks like chocolate cake mix. I just wanna grab it and squeeze it in my fuckin’ hands.
Dear Journal,
I do think Mr. Tumnus is a fucking sweetheart.
I feel like I've been editing the way I walk and the way my voice sounds since childhood because I was self-conscious and felt like it wasn't good enough to be seen and heard by other human beings. I watched how other people walked and listened to how they sounded and changed my own self to try to match them... and I wonder what I'm actually like naturally? Can I re-train myself to speak and walk how my human body would on its own or am I just doomed because I was too much of a society-pleasing robot for too long?
God damn, I was uncomfortable being my own self when I was younger. How the fuck do you let society fuck you up so much that you don’t even know if your own voice is real anymore? Why’d I let the world fuck me so hard?
Dear Journal,
My co-worker’s husband keeps sexually harassing me and I like my co-worker but I don’t like her husband and I don’t know for sure what to do. I’ve just been avoiding him when he comes in when I can and otherwise just trying to keep the interaction short... I mean... I don’t want to make it into a thing and then my co-worker won’t like me anymore...
Man, I fucking love science experiments. I wish I could just take science classes forever just to do science experiments for no real reason. But really, I can just do more science on my own without a class. Why the fuck not? Time to order some motherfuckin’ chemicals.
Remember when that drunk creep wanted to smell my breath and he just kept asking and I was like “......???” That was weird. I didn’t like it.
Why wasn’t President’s Day canceled this year though... considering, you know...
Um... So did I misinterpret rejecting the idea that I needed to be sexually attracted to men to be normal as me being asexual? Or what? Because these days I’m awfully in love with women and I guess I was as a kid too but wasn’t sure if I wanted to be like them or be with them... Am I gay or not? I’m in my late fucking twenties and can’t figure it out. Society really ruined my mind to the point where I don’t even know how I feel.
Am I gonna figure this out ever or is it just gonna remain a mystery until I die?
Some male actor with 13-thousand followers just started following my instagram. He’s following 6,000 people,so he’s clearly fishing for exposure/more followers. Like, dude... Does it look like I’m into male actors? Put a shirt on.
I am definitely gonna freak the fuck out soon. I hope everybody’s ready for it.
I know I’m a professional adult and I have to get up at 7am to go to work everyday... but I don’t see that as any reason to not stay up until 3am writing fanfiction.
My idea of dressing professionally for work, you know, like on days when the important people are gonna be there, involves three things:
1. Wearing a dress with my leggings instead of just a shirt with my leggings. 2. Not taking off my shoes in the middle of the day. 3. Maybe brushing my hair.
Dear Journal,
God. I wish I owned more types of boots.
I don’t get mad when the chill air makes my nips pop up... I really don’t care about it. But other people always seem to want to point it out like they’re warning me to get ‘em back in check. “Bitch, your nips are poppin.” Honey, I know. They’ve been down there my whole life and they get cold. Leave ‘em alone. Let them do their thing.
If you don't fold your laundry before putting it in your dresser, you are ignorant and incompatible with life. At least that's what my mom says.
Disney song lyrics describing my life; edited for accuracy:
“Never had a friend like me.”
Me: I have no motivation to do anything. I’m literally incapable of producing a thought. I just wanna sleep. I can’t stand the idea of putting effort into anything. Might not be worth the effort to change out of my pajamas today, even if I do end up going somewhere. I don’t know if I have the mental energy to take a shower or brush my hair...
Also me: *Watches a movie. Looks through fanfiction for a very specific plot I’d like to read about. Doesn’t find it. Cranks out 50,000 word fanfiction story in two days.*