Beary Cool Blog 4 Bearly Cool Folks

hello there! I'm Priya, and I'm not 22.

[priyawashere]

Hi tumblr!!

It's been [over] FIVE LONG YEARS!!! how's everyone doing? does anyone use this anymore? no? should I start using it again? lol

idk why I stopped going on tumblr. maybe I was getting too busy with work, or maybe I drowned in those feelings that hurt so bad at the time.

I know that no one really read what I put up here anyway, it was always just for me. It felt like I was yelling at the people in my life because it was public and it felt really good. I feel like I still need that sometimes. I love that I can look back and read about it all and that I've grown as a person in so many ways....though I've also reverted to the less social, more awkward, and more conflict-avoidant person I was in the past, I think? Maybe it's just who I am and I'm supposed to be this way? I'm trying less to change myself into "how I think an adult should be" and trying more to work with who I am.

Anyway, THANKS FOR READING if you see this! I looked through to see the accounts I was following and most of the people I follow haven't used tumblr in YEARS but maybe there's some reason I cam back on here again and that reason will call on the others I used to relate to on here and they'll see this and if you do please say HI and let me know how you're doing!!

As for me, I'm still Priya, I'm going to be 32(!!!) next month, and I'm still unmarried and childless except for my dog-ter Georgia. I work in biotech and hate my job :) I learned how to play the ukulele and right now I'm learning how to play the guitar. I've gained like 25 pounds since I last used tumblr. I have fluctuating thyroid issues so I gain/lose weight and cycle from being insanely hot and freezing but I'm still always tired! I'll save the rest for another time~ message me if you wanna talk! okay bye!!

[priyawashere]

01/21/2020

I thought about typing a post on tumblr, so I checked when I typed my last post and it was exactly (!!!!) a year ago! So I think it’s a sign that I probably should type something...about maybe how I’ve been the past year compared to last?

I still sleep really late, but I get so much more sleep now. I can’t even function without like at least 6 hours but I’ve been getting 8-9 hours :D

I’m still really sad and stressed out by my childhood friends, but I’m comforted by the idea of just leaving them all and putting this behind me.

I feel like there isn’t anything to look forward to in life but I’m trying to exercise and work hard and hoping that I find motivation at some point.

I get very overwhelmed still and I haven’t been doing things I know I like, like playing music or seeing people or baking desserts...

I don’t really text or message people back because it takes a lot of energy, but at least I don’t feel like I need to be around people all the time to feel happy.

I’m really proud of the person I’m becoming. I’m proud of myself for making it through school, for working, for loving and supporting my family...I’m proud of myself for being stronger emotionally: for speaking up for myself when people weren’t treating me well and cutting people out of my life that didn’t deserve me. I’m proud of myself for being less judgemental of people and for continuing to be as kind as I can.

I don’t know what else to say so I’ll leave it at that!

[whitepeopletwitter]

[memescomedy]

[thespoonmissioner]

[gayhaircut]

My advice to everyone is to develop a thick skin but not to lose ur softness. Like moisturise spiritually

[priyawashere]

Messed up

I haven’t posted here in a while and not really anywhere else either. Everything feels like a chore and it’s hard to get anything done. I used to get really excited and happy to feel connected to people and talk to people but it feels overwhelming and stressful now. I feel like you really messed me up. I thought you were my closest friend and one of the people that loved me the most but you showed me that not even someone so close cared about me as much as I thought they did. I doubt others and question their intentions with me now; do they really like me? Do they really feel close to me and want to be friends or am I just a way for them to pass time until they find something better? Is it even worth it being cheerful and trying to be positive and loving when friendships aren’t certain? It’s been about 13 months since the last time I spoke to you and I know that I deserved better and that you are probably one of the worst people that I have ever known, but the effects of how you made me feel continue. Everyday I’m digging deeper into a hole of loneliness that I don’t know how to climb out of because of how worthless you made me feel. I will find my way out somehow though and I’ll do it without you.

[thecowgirlwitch]

Why is it?? That I can go through the whole day feeling fine and dandy but the second I lay down for bed impending doom settles on me?

[baylone]

[existentialterror]

🤔 a compelling model

[djupt-image]

[jugandbettsdetectiveagency]

guys… I don’t know if you know this but… if you wake up early… there’s so many more hours in the day

[anextrapart]

[priyawashere]

I’m not sure if I’m actually over everything that happened with my “friends” or if I’m just too drugged out to care anymore but my vivid dreams are still dealing with everything

[vvorldwideweb]

delete the people that make you feel bad about yourself from your life, unfollow them, delete their numbers, erase their texts, find happier people, pet a dog, watch a silly movie, forget about them, you’re better off

[sensitivityandbrutality]

WHAT IM SAYIN

[cobaaaingel]

Kurt Cobain

[m--ood-deactivated20181217]

dont say nothin just reblog if she looks like who you know we all think she looks like

[lagonegirl]

[will-x-vi]

Lol. She did storm in there like Arthur on a wonderful kinda day

[dapenguinninja]

Iconic

[thesassycat]

You can only reblog this today.

[priyawashere]

I don’t know why it’s gotten so hard for me to talk to people lately. Even people I consider myself really close to, I feel weird approaching them or asking to hang out. Sometimes I’m afraid of the rejection I might get...but I think most of the time I just feel like people don’t want to be around me. I don’t know if they actually feel like that or if I can’t read people at all anymore. Maybe I have just changed so much in the past year that people really don’t like being around me. I don’t know. But sometimes I’ll be with some people from school and I start to feel really warm and loved and I remember that there are always people that care about me even when I feel like no one does.