Nikki

/⁠ᐠ⁠｡⁠ꞈ⁠｡⁠ᐟ⁠\ 22...female...bi depressed af

[procrastinater-reader22]

maybe it's best

to stay forgotten

leave my words here

where no one

who knows me will find them

all the pain in them

maybe i should just forget

and let everyone forget me

🌑

[procrastinater-reader22]

If you could say just 3 words to your younger self, what would they be?

just 3 damn that's hard...

leave them alone

🌑

( it will never be i love you)

[procrastinater-reader22]

not allowed to panic

not allowed to cry

not allowed to be anxious

for that is a crime

not allowed to be loud

not allowed to be quiet

if I'm breaking

will someone pick up the pieces?

will someone hear me?

will someone see me?

🌑

[procrastinater-reader22]

a wooden house

once full of life

is now barely standing

i poured the gasoline and lit the match

but they made me drop it

and everything went up in flames

they ran out

while i kept standing

hoping they won't forget me so easily

they do

and when i come out if the house

i say im sorry

please forgive me

all is forgiven for a while

then they poured the gasoline

they lit the match

and dropped it

they locked the doors to

burning me with it

i say house instead of bridge

because they were my home

and just as easily as they moved in

they burned it down.

🌑

[procrastinater-reader22]

i want to write about them

something that can explain everything

they left

and im not crying

just trying to remember how i used to be

before everyone

i know im the villian in their story

i made it so

i don't want to blamed for nothing

so i made myself the villian

it helps a little

because i know i deserve it

i want to mourn my loss

but is it a loss ?

🌑

[procrastinater-reader22]

I long to meet the person

who says "Mine"

and mean it

want it to be the truth

not some pretty lie

why'd you let go

when i got too much

i long to meet

the person who will stay

the person who will say "mine",

where i reply "yours"

knowing it's not just a pretty lie

🌑

[procrastinater-reader22]

for the plot of my story

i hope it it's quiet

and peaceful

the start of my story

is full of twists and turns

betrayal and tears

mostly cuz i make it my mission

to fuck stuff up

now I'm getting to the last of my youth

i need an end to the beginning

a plot twist so big

that after 30 pages

my end of the story

will be full of love

🌑

[procrastinater-reader22]

marriage, kids, and all the wife stuff

im only 22

talking to people in their 20s

who wants to settle down

so the big question is

do i settle

or

do i die alone

[procrastinater-reader22]

Piter patter rain

Silver spoon eater

Choke or spit

But die before getting hit

Blood stained fist

Money on a gold platter

Here lies love

Rest in pieces not long after

Tear stained faced

Sobs that annoy

Run fast and away

Eat or be eaten

🌑

[procrastinater-reader22]

Feeling your absence in my life rn

It seems familiar

Hurting me when i least expected it

Betraying me for nothing

Hiding behind other people

It feels familiar

It shouldn't feel this normal

[procrastinater-reader22]

Imagine getting dumped cuz you don't believe in a religion..

Well fuck

Now that's kinda painful

[procrastinater-reader22]

Having a crush on someone who you know will never even think of you that way

And

A guy who bullshits you into falling in love with him then going super cold on you..

Is a different kind of pain

Maybe I'm a emotional masochist

Honestly

I give ...have mercy...

[procrastinater-reader22]

I'm telling you

That I'm going away

In words

Screams

Cries

Posts

Why isn't listening to me

They don't believe me

But what if I'm waiting

Making sure you won't be able to stop me

What happens when you see

I'm gone

Our last conversation was normal

But the one weeks before

I said I'm leaving

Will you remember that

Do i have the strength? The guts?

I geuss we'll have to wait and see

So when the day comes

Where you never see me again

I did tell you

You just didn't listen

You didn't believe

Who's fault is that in the end

🌑

[procrastinater-reader22]

Is it normal for a heart to break over and over again in just 2 minutes?

Maybe not break ...

Squeeze and fall

Along with my expectations

[procrastinater-reader22]

Shhhh you hear that?

It's me

Crying, screaming

Shhhh can you see that?

It's a poker face

You can't see the pain

Can somebody please just listen

Maybe see behind the poker face

I'm barely dealing

Slowly dying

Shhhh listen to my laugh

You can hear joy

Till it stops

It's too late

Shhh see the light in my eyes

So blue and pretty

Sparkling

But it faded

Hear the words

See the writer

She is barely dealing

I'm slowly dying

🌑

[procrastinater-reader22]

Is it that hard to get obsessed with me😤

Honestly just cave!

[procrastinater-reader22]

My road runner

Laughing meep meep

Running like the wind

To fast to stop

To smart to trap

My road runner

Laughing

I'm crying

I just keep getting hurt

But you keep running laughing

So my road runner

When should I give up

I need you

You're my purpose

But I'm hurt and bruised

Crying while planning

Laughing yes this trap will work

But i keep forgetting

You run too fast to catch

Too smart to trap

So i end up hurt again

My road runner

Laughing meep meep

I'm broken

Running out of ideas

Genius only works on

The slow and dumb

🌑