Do you feel alone?

Work, games, anime, music, memes, sleep, repeat.

[protipkillyourself]

Just got a call I really wish I hadn’t gotten. I haven’t wished I were dead this seriously since I was 23. I wish I weren’t so deeply afraid of the void and the unknown. Life is still precious, and it is a privilege to even be able to feel this sort of pain. You have to keep moving forward Langdon.

[protipkillyourself]

This shit actually go hard.

[protipkillyourself]

Ugh, I hate myself.

Just broke down and ugly cried for the first time in a while. The same type of cry I did sitting in the parking lot with all of my belongings packed. Right before I said my last goodbye to you and started the 14 hour drive to my new life without you in it.  

Logging onto my computer after a long day to try and wind down and seeing you logged into voice chat with all of our old friends broke me down tonight. Knowing you were right there. That I could join the channel and say hi if I really wanted to and hear your voice again. The emotions and cost that would come with that however would immediately destroy me. Instead I cried it out alone, and began writing this avoiding you and my friends all together.

I tell myself I am managing fine here. That I am moving on. I have a new job and a new life that is hundreds of miles away from my old one. I have friends and family nearby. I stay busy mentally and physically. Yet I still can’t start a new anime (or finish old ones) without having an anxiety attack and turning it off because that was our thing. You’re the one who really got me into it. There’s bands I can’t listen to, food I can’t eat without being invaded by painful memories. Is this par for the course? Is this the same heartbreak everyone goes through? Was it this bad after my first breakup? The second? The truth is I know that life and time goes on. I know that one day we will be just distant memories to each other. That one day neither of us will exist at all, so who cares right? You were my best friend of four years though. I enjoyed our small window of time together immensely. The wound is only a couple of months old, and I can’t help but miss you.

[protipkillyourself]

There’s a lot I wish I had the energy to type, but I don’t. 

[nevver]

Word on the street, Weird Side Projects

[demigodxtonio]

[demigodxtonio]

[protipkillyourself]

But to be honest, I’m not sure if I can take the solitude.

[protipkillyourself]

[akaashiisbae]

[protipkillyourself]

When you’d love to finish this show, but it hurts too much to finish it alone.

[protipkillyourself]

[protipkillyourself]

This is the only place I feel I can comfortably write about how I truly feel, as most of the people in my life have no idea this page exists. For good reason too, because I hardly use it.

With that said, I just need to get this off my chest. I am miserable right now. I feel so alone. I’ve lost my best friend and partner of four years and just have no idea how to cope. I’ve moved 13 hours away to start over, and even though I have the support of family which I am grateful for, it just feels like nothing will make this better. Nothing can reduce the weight of this loss in my life, nothing but time. 

Here’s to waiting.

[protipkillyourself]

Holy shit did I die?

No, but I don’t use this site or social media in general much these days.

[protipkillyourself]

[protipkillyourself]

I just want to feel wanted.

[protipkillyourself]

Man, I never use this site anymore. I hardly ever use social media at all if I'm being honest. 10:11am and I haven't slept. Been thinking about life. Where I've been, where I'm going. Past, future, present. I would post an update if I thought anyone on here cared enough to read it. Life sure is something.

[protipkillyourself]

Hey everyone!

I have been looking forward to Overwatch for months, but unfortunately never got invited. Now that it's in pre-order beta money was tight and I couldn't get it yet :( I would absolutely love a key and you can add me/we'll play together. I will probably be a Mercy main! Prettyboy#1269