God Bless the USA

23. California. Republican. BLUE family.

[cowboybootsandunderwear]

Wild Sunflowers 💛🌻💛

[awed-frog]

You didn’t need your heart today, right? Good.

[4am-phonecalls]

Making someone horny when theyre in a really inappropriate place to be horny is my favourite hobby

[sheretic]

I just wanted to eat breakfast ;(

[reaill]

welp now we know the distinction between the two

[toxeh]

Have….have people…not eaten shredded wheat before? The regular sized ones? You put it in a bowl and pour milk on it (with sugar + cinnamon if you’re not some lunatic fiber satan who just wants to eat wheat strings) and let it soak a bit before breaking it up and eating bite sized portions with your spoon. DO PEOPLE NOT KNOW THIS?!

[pansysky]

NONE OF US KNEW THAT

[brainstatic]

WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO EAT A FUCKING MOIST BALE OF HAY.

[otherbully1]

We’re used to mini wheats…

[whatever-thefck-deactivated2018]

I AM CRYING LAUGHING RIGHT NOW

[alternateuniversenightmare]

@dreddzeppelin

[bob-artist]

Plain shredded wheat is my life.  I just finished a box and got a new box today.  Please don’t hurt me like this. ;_;

Also, I thought everyone knew shredded wheat came in 4 sizes:

[rudolphsb9]

I’m still laughing my ass off at “lunatic fiber satan”

[glassbonespaperskin]

Don’t say maybe if you want to say no

Paulo Coelho (via glassbonespaperskin)

[science]

[bellygangstaboo]

crackoons

[just-shower-thoughts]

My mom asked me how to screenshot on her iPhone. I laughed and then remembered she taught me how to use a spoon and a toilet.

[meechimakaveli]

….. This legit just humbled me

[saffronheliotrope]

yep, keeping this one forever

[madisynmahagoni]

way to put things in perspective

[puppiestotherescue]

[itsagifnotagif]

I actually have so much love for dogs

[patrickthomson]

this is your periodic reminder that old-timey medicines did not fuck around

[mhalachai]

Yeah that’d probably handle a cough.

[she-who-shall-not-be-laid]

“skillfully combined with a number of other ingredients” what else did they fucking put in there

[dogmomdeluxe-deactivated2022062]

This picture is the definition of “just fuck me up”

[smeliot-deactivated20220528]

You can’t cough if you’re in a coma

[smis-happens]

You can’t cough if you’re in a coma

[ofallthehappy-deactivated202004]

View this post on Instagram

[barbie-cock]

this is a very very good video

[dumdolly]

omfg this video made me the happiest i have been in a while

[arealarchaeopteryx]

The louder you are in the ER waiting room, the more the staff is convinced that you are not having an emergency.

I mean it. You’re getting the attention you think you want, all eyes on you. Except ours. “Isn’t there anything you can do?” Your fellow waiters ask us, concerned. Behind the triage window, you can’t hear our teeth grinding. You’re in pain, i understand that. This might even be the worst pain you’ve ever felt. But you’re probably not dying.

Dying isn’t loud. A patient having a heart attack does not scream and thrash and gasp for air. It’s a whisper, a tightness, with slow flexing fingers. A stroke happens in a fraction of an instant, and never makes any sound. More whispers, halves of sentences and muscles that don’t quite match up anymore, a puppet with a few of the strings cut. Alarmed and wandering eyes, maybe, but never yelling. Or the more common killers, infections that shut down organs or the pipes of blood that sever. Cardiac or respiratory failure. If a person can talk they are, in fact, breathing just fine.

Remember this, the next time you come to an emergency department. Remember this when you’re sitting in the waiting room, while a sleepy-looking person in a wheelchair is whisked away without a word.

[grace--upon--grace]

Forest Bound

[proud-merican]

Basically how my house has looked since September ❄️

[about-epic]

[thequotejournals]

Sometimes even stuff you expect to happen can still hurt.

Jennifer Brown, Hate List (via thequotejournals)

[those-things-i-couldnt-say]

I will never understand guys that say “I don’t want a relationship right now” or “I’m not looking to date” and then they’re in one 2 weeks later. Bro, just be honest. Just tell her you’re not into her.