I've been tackling this very reflective question in the past few sessions of my own therapy. My therapist's been very keen on reminding me that I, too, need help from time to time.
For this entry, I don't want to write like an "expert" or "professional." I want to write like how my non-nerdy voice would sound to process things...
And as I write this, I'm at a very critical and harsh time in my life. There's just so much negativity, especially inside our family. Inside of me too, it seems. I've been combating a lot of depressiveness over my life situation, and it wakens my inner demons. I've also done things that I regret -- and wholeheartedly vow to never do again. But, I'm also at a point that every bone in my body screams for healing.
That's the sticky part. Healing. When you're very much worn down to the ground, is there anything left to make of you? For me, I can be the pessimist and say that even the scraps of me cannot be salvaged. But I'm also the optimist in saying that, as these scarps decay into the earth, it is given the opportunity to transform into something else. But the painstaking part of this process requires confronting my truth not just about who I am -- but what I'm living in.
The universe may have dealt me a losing hand, but that does not mean I cannot play it well.
But at the end of it all, the process of healing can sometimes feel lonely. While others can touch to soothe the aching pieces of me, no one can really remedy the emotional burden of building a life I believe is worth living. In truth, I support me. Me. Alone. And for now, it's enough... but admittedly, not for long.
This is why I really cherish my loved ones all the time -- even in my mind. I may not be rich enough to treat them to leisure and niceties. But, I can damn well be there for them when the roles reverse. I just want them to know that they matter to me, as much as I know that I matter to them. I'm just not effective in communicating it for now.
So who supports me? Me, and not just me. Them, and not just them. Who else?
