Public Toilet Log

reviews of public toilets in Sydney and beyond

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When I was a kid I would order a strawberry milkshake and eat a hamburger with the lot. The toilet doors at the Henson makes me want to lick the walls this evening

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I went to the Opera House to see some opera (no really, I got free tickets) and I couldn't help but wonder: who changes the lightbulb a for the illuminated toilet roll holders. Who?

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Three wise monkeys: the hobbit toilet

Tonight I came to the Three Wise Monkeys for the first time in ten years. I needed to toilet so I opted for the one with the slanted roof. It reminded me of a space a hobbit would frequent. It was cosy inside and it felt homely. The type of toilet you'd take home to mother. I'm sure a lot of people would agree with me. 8/10

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The disabled toilet

Today my usual public work toilets were shut for maintenance and I was left with the option of using the very close-by disabled toilets or walking up to the floor above and use the main cubicles. I walked the extra distance and used the main toilets one flight of stairs away and here's why: One time (or a few times too many that I'd like to admit), I used the disabled toilets on level 1 at Broadway shopping centre and when I was finishing up and went outside I got yelled at by one of the cleaners who had seen my able bodied self walk into the bathroom. Fair enough and since then I've avoided using the disabled public toilets if there are other options. But hear me out, WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE PUBLIC TOILETS AT BROADWAY SHOPPING CENTRE? As I only visit broadway to go Kmart, Harvey Norman (at Xmas time) and the pharmacy all these shops are on level 1. Sometimes I will go to the ground floor for some groceries and occasionally I would go to the lower ground floor to go to Harris Farm. But never on my journeys have I seen a public toilet that isn't the disabled one I know too well, located opposite the home ware store under the escalator on level 1. Is it a ploy for me to climb to other levels I have not yet discovered in order to sell me more things? What if I have no use for Wittner shoes and FCUK tees? Huh? If someone can help me with this, I'd really appreciate it.

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Black Midnight

I was lucky enough to be invited to the media launch of the Newtown Social Club (formerly the Sandringham Hotel or the Sando as irritatingly proud Newtown-ites call it).

As there was an open bar I was too drunk to take a photo (read: I forgot).

The bathroom layout is exactly the same as the old toilets from the Sando. The main difference is that everything is painted black, midnight, noir, goth etc.

The once white tiles are now jet black and the stalls are a sticky deep tar that makes the doors stick together like the paint has barely dried. In fact, at the end of the night I had trouble working out whether toilets were in use or not because the doors wouldn't open properly due to the paint being still sticky.

One new feature is that they have installed a low sink like a trough. Not sure why, but it gave the sink area a sense that it was a trendy feature.

Also kudos to the hand dryer which is very fast and dried my wet hands and high speed.

All in all I can say the Newtown Social Club toilets, much like the pub, are proving to be a huge step in the right place and I’m very glad that this place exists.

One last note, I’m hoping that this pub might be open during the day because on a Saturday in desperate times, I would frequent the Sando toilets and I think it would be a great continuity for my life, at least if these toilets are open to the public during the day for a midday slash and I would maybe even stay and buy a drink which I never would’ve done.

Ambience: Black (more shiny black than goth) Doors: sticky Hand dryer: 9/10 not a Dyson but still good People from Newtown: 3/10

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Only uni students can treat a toilet with such disrespect

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The other night I visited my old favourite public toilet at The Townie!

The Townie toilets are my main inspiration for starting this blog. Years and years ago, I noticed that if you’re shopping around king st during the day and you need to go, The Townie toilets are really worth a go!

They’re usually freshly cleaned (fc) which means that all of last night’s vices have been washed away while you’re relieving yourself from last night’s vice. What more could you want?

Also I’m referring to the upstairs bathrooms, the downstairs ones that are in that corner are a little too rapey for my liking.

I also only realised the other night that the decor in the bathroom was a matching duck egg blue. A nice feature for a place that serves as both a late-night psychotherapy session and vomitarium at the same time!

Ambiance: 9/10 (drunk) 3/10 (sober) Vomitabilitiy Factor: aim/drunkenness Cleanliness: 9.5/10 (day) 1/10 (12am-close)

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Dear Bambi,

I know you were orphaned at a young age but you’re really proving yourself to be disrespectful in your adolescence/early 20s.

The Courthouse is a lovely pub in Newtown which I’ll write a longer review about soon, but right now I’m naming and shaming you.

The bathrooms were only re-painted a few weeks ago cos I remember getting dizzy of the fumes. But tagging on the front glass is a major sign of disrespect. Sorry to get all serious.

Bambi: 0/10

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Space is the place

Yesterday I visited a toilet I’d never been to on the grounds of Macquarie Uni. All the buildings at Macquarie or Club Mac or CM or even MQ, are weirdly named not after past successful graduates, but rather, by where the building is orientated (east E or West W). Off these symbols, the further West you go, you’ll find buildings with a Y or X or even an F or C.

Confused?

So beginning my journey to find a new and exciting toilet to review, I had to stop and consult a map once in the building called W6B. Unlike it’s adjacent war bunker modeled cousin, W5A, W6B is an oppressive concrete block that opens into a lovely courtyard and as if snatching this delight from you almost instantly, closes itself into a narrow hallway leading to the Ladies bathroom.

The cubicle is clean with half a roll of toilet paper left (it’s only 12.30pm). Again as I’ve noticed throughout this Uni, there is a distinct lack of political commentary written on the bathroom walls = no reading material. I also wish the toilet doors were a little taller because I’m tall and was paranoid people could see the top of my head taking photos of this cubicle.

One feature that I thoroughly enjoyed about this cubicle was a shelf built into the back of the toilet. This feature is so that you can not only hang your bag on the door hook, but also place additional bags/rubbish behind on this shelf while you’re going at it, saving you germs from the floor.

In fact, this bathroom has no shortage of space! Behind the main washbasins is a baby change table AND you guessed it,

 MORE SHELVES TO HOLD YOUR STUFF!

I studied architecture for 1.5 years and being a first year architecture student means you walk around campus carrying a stupid looking t-square, various shapes and sizes of rulers and ruling equipment as well as pads and pads of A3 paper.

So the storage in this bathroom is a first year architecture student’s wet dream, that is, if Macquarie offered architecture at their University. Oh well.

Space: echo echo echo/10

Cleanliness: 8/10

Reading Material: baby change table instructions only in the main washroom

Paper towels vs. Hand dryers: Hand dryers with bins underneath

Ambiance: A first year architecture student couldn’t have designed more shelves

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The gender debate gets a little heated today in the girl’s toilets at Macquarie Uni.

Reading material: ad for cheerleading squad and some social commentary

Tone: ad - encouraging, elitist, informative Commentary - bitchy and socially aware

Ad: 6/10 Commentary: 8/10

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Blue Moon

They say you shouldn't go grocery shopping on an empty stomach, but what about a full bladder? That was the conundrum I was faced with this afternoon when visiting my local Surry Hills Shopping Village (corner Baptist and Cleveland st).

There is nothing like being greeted by a sunny urine yellow door on your way to the pisser to make you need to go more...

The facilities here are basic, simple and generally clean. No problems with flushes, toilet paper is handy and spare rolls are tucked nicely in vertical cylindrically shaped dispensers.

The ambiance of this public toilet is nicely accented by a blue fluorescent light giving off the air of a junkie's blue light disco.

I have always been able to see my veins under a blue light because they are so pronounced. I even got complimented at school once by a depressive 'cutter' that I had "very slit-able wrists" - shout out to Leonard Cohen and his wrist slit-able songs!

But enough about that... The atmosphere in the washroom was basic, mirrors, hand dryers, ample soap and a disturbing sign reading "This area is monitored by video security at all times" which made me chicken out of photographing the sign, but, made me feel slightly less like I was going to get raped.

Ambiance: 5/10

Cubicle: blue/10

Paper towels vs. Hand dryer: Hand dryer

Cleanliness: the type of 'clean' feeling you get after someone has cleaned a murder scene 3.4/10

When you would use these toilets: for a toilet break between shopping at Baker's Delight and Coles; when the toilets at the Norfolk and surrounding pubs are full; pit stop during shopping for wankery on nearby Crown and Cleveland st.

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Let's Start At The Very Beginning

So I thought I'd start the Public Toilet Log with a picture of my very own toilet.

Let me get this straight, this IS NOT a blog about my bowel movements, nor will I go into a lot of detail about things found in the bowl. This will just be recommendations and musings of public toilets around Sydney and beyond.

I live in a split terrace house in Surry Hills and rumour has it, the top floor, where I live, used to be an illegal gambling den. My toilet has a black seat and cover which makes it feel like it is a public toilet and it has a laundry tub for a sink.

Sometimes when you flush the water continually runs. The toilet is in a cave of tiles so you feel real private and my cat enjoys jumping in the laundry tub to drink water from it. I always provide a choice of liquid and bar soap and a clean hand towel. There is not a lot of space for more than one person giving it a real authentic "cubicle" vibe.

Cleanliness (see photo): 3/10 (when we have guests 9/10)

Abundance of toilet paper: 10/10

Paper towels vs. hand dryer: N/A

General ambiance: 8/10

Flush: 2/10

Reading material: mix of magazines and Dr. Karl books

Overall Rating: 7/10