Boundaries and the differences between ‘friend’ and ‘fan’ in the cosplay community
Okay, time to get serious, folks.
In the last year I’ve suddenly found myself friends with some pretty damn popular cosplayers. I don’t say this to be a braggart, I have a point to make, promise. In my conversations with these excellent human beings there’s a topic that comes up quite a bit and that topic is the unsettling reactions they sometimes receive from their fans when they meet them at events.
Now whilst the majority are, I’m sure, genuinely positive experiences for all parties involved, there are a few situations where lines have been crossed.
Having experienced similar things myself and having been a part of the cosplay community for seven years this year (and having seen this sort of thing a lot in that time), it seems fair to say that this is pretty common among cosplayers, their fans and casual con goers.
There appears to be this perception that popular cosplayers are celebrities, just much more accessible ones. And that apparently makes it okay to treat them in a way you would not treat, say, Scarlett Johansson. And more importantly, in a way you would not and should not treat a perfect stranger.
The international cosplay community has been excellent at tackling the notorious ‘con creeper’. We’re all familiar with the phrase ‘cosplay is not consent’, but a much less widely discussed topic is this newer culture of idolising popular cosplayers to the point of objectification.
To me it seems that there are two obvious forms that it takes, the first being the illusion of friendship. The second being the illusion of something more than that, or, at the very least, that romantic or sexual advances are desired and will be appreciated.
In the first of its forms it seems to be most prevalent among young female fans (aged 13-16 ish). This sounds relatively harmless but I can promise you that being followed around all day at conventions by fifteen year olds that you barely know, or stalked -for want of a better word- on all your online accounts (even private ones), is hardly harmless. Outside of the cosplay community and the internet these things would be considered social taboos, so why are they okay here?
Something that I really think needs stressing is that just because you follow someone’s cosplay Facebook or Instagram does not make you their friend. It is totally one sided. You may feel like you know each other because you see everything they post but chances are they only really know your name and that you like their cosplays. With that in mind, being approached at a convention with the exaggerated familiarity usually displayed is pretty unnerving.
The second form of this illusion of familiarity does fall under the 'cosplay is not consent’ umbrella. The same as above applies here also, you do not know the people you follow and they do not know you.
To that end, you cannot and should not hug them, touch them or their costume/props without their permission, ask them out, make lewd comments or take their picture without asking. These things are harassment and just because we as cosplayers put ourselves out there, regardless of the size of our following, it does not mean we waive the right to personal space and boundaries.
If any cosplayers with personal experiences of this sort of thing want to add to this post, please feel free to do so. It’s a topic that I believe needs to have some light shed on it as it can have quite serious and negative ramifications for the cosplayers involved.
tl;dr: just because you follow someone, that doesn’t mean you are friends with them. Treat popular cosplayers and cosplayers you meet at cons with the respect you would afford a stranger and by all means be excited and enthusiastic but try not to breach their personal space or make them uncomfortable. Please and thank you.
