merc with a mouth

[a small smirk starts growing on her face as she pulls out her phone and beings to click through to twitter] Just give me a second. [spends the next few moments casually hacking into Kelly Rowland’s twitter account and sending out a tweet] Take a look [smirks and holds out her phone to him]

#headcanon #/this is so wade it hurts jfc

[plucks her phone from her hand, reading over the tweet a few times before looking back to her with a grin] Now you have to remember who gave you the brilliant idea to do this, Katherine. I don't want all this power to go to your head because it's already big enough and I can only do so much to keep your head from blowing up and carrying you off– like how Harry blew up Aunt Marge in Prisoner of Azkaban.

#c: kitty

bagellie

benefits of being friends with me

shitty jokes whenever you ask for them

shitty jokes whenever you don’t ask for them

Damn, I've missed New York.

[grins] Yeah, I know. [perks up] You’re going out for Mexican soon? A burrito sounds amazing, actually.

I'm always going out for Mexican soon. The place around the corner gives me a discount because I go in at least two times a day – I've even broken their 'how many tacos can you eat in ten minutes' record, so they've got my picture tacked up on the wall. It was definitely my proudest moment. But how many burritos do you want? Two or six? Four just never seems like enough to me, you know? Because once you've eaten four you're past the point of 'I'm stuffed' and you're into 'eating until I reach a coma.'

#c: maria

Damn, I've missed New York.

[chuckles] Probably not but if Fury ever sends me to Canada, I’ll try to bring you back some maple syrup.

#c: maria #it really is sO good like wth #canada ur holding out on the rest of us

[sighs in relief, grinning] You're amazing, you know that? Next time I go out for Mexican, which... [trails off, glancing at his watch-less wrist before looking back to her] Should be pretty soon now that I think about it, I'll bring you back something. What do you want? Tacos, burritos, or chimichangas? Or a few of each? I don't judge.

[matches his dramatic sigh] I’d be happy with anything, even a tiny acknowledgement that they’ve seen it would be fine with me. Forced, from a publicist, I don’t care I just need something.

Well, couldn't you just press a few buttons and fuck with the entire world, and make it seem like one of them commented on it? Because that would be pretty damn awesome.

#c: kitty

Damn, I've missed New York.

Years of hard work and dedication, Wade. That shit gets you everywhere.

[groans] Fuck, I'm never going to get a day off then.

#c: maria

[stares at him for a moment before a small smile begins to form on her face] I’ve been checking ever social media website the two of them are on all week, waiting for some kind of response.

[sighs dramatically before shaking his head] This is ridiculous. I mean, I expected at least some type of congratulations – even though it obviously would've been forced. Or posted by a publicist.

#c: kitty

Damn, I've missed New York.

It’s good to be back.

I just need to know how you were able to get the pirate to give you time off. I need to visit the motherland and he won't let me – maple syrup just isn't the same here.

#c: maria

If no one understood why Beyonce was my queen before… well, they should now.

#c: kitty #wade wilson: hardcore 2000's music fan

Yeah, she did a good job but are we really going to ignore the fact that we haven't gotten reactions from Kelly and Michelle. I mean, that's what I've been waiting for all week.

Wade Wilson — moodboard

Visit Original Link

‘Deadpool' test footage with Ryan Reynolds

#deadpool #/wHO'S EXCITED?? I KNOW I AM

logan-howlett-wolverine

"Little Punk" and "Bad Grandpa" || Wade & Logan

logan-howlett-wolverine

Going on a walk with Wade was like listening to an iPod. Constant noise in your ear, sometimes you sing along, other times, you stay quiet, being entertained by what you’re hearing. Shrugging, Logan slid a response into the paragraphs being said by Wade. “Adamantium-coated skeleton, though, I figure whether or not you’ve dreamt of me is your business.” At his friend’s suggestion of him being a virgin, the older man scoffed, “While I draw the line at prostitutes with herpes, realize, I draw the line at prostitutes with herpes. You start makin’ more comments like that, I’ll literally slice off your ass. Sure, you’ll regrow it eventually, but I doubt that the time in-between will be fun. Don’t test me kid, I’m one hundred and-” Blinking a couple times, the mutant was once more reminded of his lack of memory, knowledge of his life before Weapon X. Shaking his head, he finished, “-I’m old, alright. Your wiseass shouldn’t fuck with old.”

They were nearing the building, or were at least in the neighborhood. Paint on the houses were chipping, relatively expensive cars were parked in every open space, and different volumes of voices echoed through the street. Logan never listened very intently to the other man’s tirades, though, when he brought up a mercenary career, he was attention was gained. “It may have been because I didn’t have a say, but I didn’t like the business- might’ve liked it more if I was paid, though, what can you do.” Deciding to patronize the other man, Logan switched to a thickly sarcastic tone when continuing. “Gambling, because you can get money for being good, but then you can get more when the thugs are dead and it’s just lying on the table- also, I’m very glad to know that if I need to off a bunch of people, but still want to feel like my morals are almost intact, I know where the xbox is.”

As conversation carried on, they rounded a few more corners, and it was clear by the growing number of unfriendly-looking people gathered on sidewalks and smoking on porches that they were nearly there. Giving his comrade a brief nod, he assured him, “Yeah, that was the right move. They usually don’t let anyone aside from the big guys into these events with any kind of weapon- it almost get’s funny when shit gets really serious and they’ve got metal detectors. Went to a game once, I had to strip -nearly to socks and underwear- before they believed the cover story of having a metal plate in my heart. And soon enough, they discovered those sons of bitches were right not to trust me.” Chuckling, a smirk spread across Logan’s face. Finally, within sight was a building with a banner over the entrance reading, “Maglioi’s”. Slightly elbowing Wade, he indicated with a nod that they’d reached their destination.

#p: logan #little punk and bad grandpa #please forgive me for taking forever to reply!!#i love this para so much tho like omg

Even though a lot of people wouldn't believe him, Wade really was glad to be back hanging out with Logan. Sure, the last time they'd hung out they were both enlisted and it wasn't nearly as fun as tonight was bound to be, but still. It was pretty damn cool to have one of your few friends back by your side, and ready to seriously fuck shit up. "You know, I don't appreciate your tone, Logan," he easily countered, his own tone taking on that of an annoyed mother. "You keep that up and I will turn us around and we will march that happy little ass of yours back home."

Wade continued to ignore the fact that they were getting farther and farther into an interesting part of town, though he did at least drop his voice so that all the colorful characters around them wouldn't look at them too suspiciously. "I would've actually paid money to see that. Wait, now that you bring up all that metal in you again, how the hell do you get through airport lines? I mean, I know you like to fight people, but those TSA people are the opposite of funalicious. I'd know, I always use my best material on them and the most I've ever gotten is half a smile. It's pathetic and if I wasn't me then my ego would've been hurt by all the rejection. Thank god the part of me that cared what people think was beat out of me before I left the army, amirite?" He then grinned over at Logan, though his gaze soon moved to scan the area around them.

For the number of words he could get out within the span of one minute, people always assumed that was the most dangerous thing about Wade. It was comical, in a way, with just how easy it was for people to forget about the fact that he was a trained, and seasoned, assassin – one that was essentially the best assassin money could buy considering he whole part of him that got so vengeful that his body just refused to die – but he knew much more about covering one's own ass than most. It was pathetically easy for him to spot four guys who must work for the person running this who shindig they were on their way to. "Hey, when we're out of this remind me to tell you about when I taunted a mad scientist and he cut out the majority of my heart in revenge, but the joke ended up being on him because I didn't die. Obviously. Considering we're doing this right now." But Wade shut up when Logan elbowed him, and he quickly zeroed in on what but be their destination for the night. "Oh I am so ready for this." He then slipped his hands into his pockets, one of his fists closing around his wallet as he slipped into the persona of a clueless idiot – something that really wasn't hard for him to do. Once they were close enough for the guys standing guard to begin to size them up, Wade took a few long strides forward and brought the majority of attention to himself. "I am so ready to have a nice relaxing night of hustling people," he told them with a grin before throwing his head back and laughing. "Kidding. I know that hustling people is bad – my mom taught me better."

betty-rouge

Terrible Puns || Wade & Betty

betty-rouge

In any other situation, Betty wouldn’t have felt any concern towards a friendly stranger coming up to her and striking up a conversation. But there was something different about this stranger. For one, he was most likely well trained in the field of combat, whether it be hand to hand or weaponry or martial arts or anything else in that ballpark. Another heavily weighing factor in his difference was the fact that he now held a weapon in his hands.

Taking a minute to let him get his words out, Betty carefully deciding how she would approach the situation. He wasn’t exactly being rude to her, so she couldn’t just outwardly say something less than kind. He was just forward, in such a way that Betty found slightly offputting but she couldn’t blame him for his personality. Instead, she smiled, keeping her eyes on whatever that thing in his hands was called. Really, she had no idea what it would be used for, and frankly she didn’t care to know, as long as it didn’t affect her.

"I don’t really know what qualifies as ‘looking new’ but yes, I am relatively new. Although I find it strange that you assume I’m new just because you don’t know me. I won’t judge though, you might be extremely popular with the agents and I would have no way of knowing. And I mean that in the best possible way." What he did next was a little strange, but entertaining nonetheless. Clearly he had no intention of harming her, and even if he did she would just transform into a more or less indestructible beast and most likely rip him apart, not that she was planning on doing so.

Betty raised her eyebrows as Wade finished the last of his words, making a low whistle noise at the sheer amount of words he’d just uttered. “Well, tour guide Wade, I would appreciate a tour, but I’m going to have to ask that you keep all potentially harmful objects away from me at all times.” She said, mimicking his airplane stewardess voice and gesturing towards the weapon.

#p: betty #terrible puns #please forgive me for taking a few days to get this reply to you!

A frown formed on Wade's features as he quickly realized this girl, whoever she was, simply wasn't meeting his gaze. Do I have something on my face again? I mean, I know eating five burritos before I came in here wasn't my greatest idea, but I've definitely had worse, and I'm pretty sure I wiped all the salsa off my face. Well not pretty sure. About 67% sure. More than half. That's all that matters. He wasn't pulled out of his thoughts until he finally heard her speak, though his confusion from moments before was still present on his features.

"Ah, I just noticed that you were looking around the room like a person who's never been in here before. I mean, I'm sorry if I'm wrong. If you have been in here before you're doing an awesome job at seeming like you have no idea what's really going on in here. So major props to you. But, just so you don't get the wrong idea of me, I'm not all that popular. Sure I like to talk a lot, and I talk to a lot of people – well wait. That might make me popular. But, then again, what really does make a person popular?" Wade then forced himself to take a deep breath, realizing he'd gone off on a tangent again, and also realizing just how philosophical his last comment could've been taken. "I'm actually asking what makes a person popular, though. I was an Army brat and then I dropped out of high school, so I was never properly socialized."

A broad grin then spread over his features at her low whistle, looking over his shoulder to her and frowning just a bit at her next comment. His gaze moved to the modified-alien weapon in his hand and he nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I understand why you'd want me to put this thing down. I was trying to figure out how to work it when you came in, and while I don't really care if I am the cause of shooting myself, I get that not everyone shares my sentiments." Wade then moved to put the weapon back where he found it, doing his best to put it back the way it had been and just shoving it into place when he realized he wasn't going to be able to put it back the way it should be. He then turned back to her, grinning once again. "Alright, newbie – wait, what is your name? Because I'm good with calling you newbie but that's only if you're good with that too. I may be a smart ass but I'm not inconsiderate – what do you want a tour of first? The weapons vault is pretty cool, I'm not gonna lie; I'm a big fan, though that's because I can work most the stuff in there. And then there's the shooting range and the simulated combat rooms and the rooms where you can get a sparring partner to train with. You here to be a field agent? Or are you one of the lab ones? I've got friends who work in the labs – well, one friend. My other friend sort of does what I do, but he's not nearly as entertaining as I am."

I Need Your Help | Wade & Kitty

All Kitty could do was roll her eyes when she looked at Wade, trying not to let out the laugh that was threatening to escape her “Oh, do you not trust my skills? I’ve been doing this to myself for almost ten years now, thanks. The chance that you will get stuck in the wall is very slim. I just didn’t want you to be surprised if you actually did get stuck and tried to hold it over my head that I didn’t warn you ahead of time”. Putting her hand on the wall again she concentrated for a moment, wiggling her fingers so they would only slightly went through the wall but not all the way. Turning again, she looked over at Wade with a small smirk. “Okay now stand beside me” She said, waiting for him to take the few steps between the two of them. “One… two…” She began, putting her hands on his shoulder and pushing him through before she could count to three. Kitty grinned victoriously to herself but was interrupted by a rather loud noise on the other side of the wall. She looked down only to see Wade’s foot wiggling, still on her side of the wall. Quickly, she dropped to her knees and grabbed his foot before pulling it through to other other side of the wall. “Hah, yeah sorry about that. We should probably stop for the day so you don’t almost lose another limb”.