* 𓅪 ─── 𝓛. 𝐺. 𝐵. “of course you don't.” seems like he never will, which didn't help matters. wondered how he thought that would help her lack of trust for him. “you're wrong, that wouldn't be convenient for me.” that would hurt harder, that's why she's in a place of convincing herself he doesn't so it won't come crashing down on her because of how much she does care what his heart feels. “you was the only one doing the throwing away.” eyes glance off in irritation, funny... she was giving him what he wants now last night & he took it for granted.
frustration welled up because little did she know, she was thinking the same thing. wishing they could keep kissing, but he's made it where she feels like she can't. what if everything he was saying not was to just get her on board with that wedding. “pure?” brows lift before creasing, didn't expect him to say something like that, guess he really is full of surprises. it was odd, right before he tossed her to the side last night, she told him to just say he loves her and he couldn't. she wants to say it again, but finds herself scared to be kicked out of the train even if it won't stop her but she'll wait a second.
“purer than lust, huh. and purer than just needin' somethin' to say you won? answer that.” brunette pressed, holding his face with both hands so he can't stray too far before hearing his answer & lucy gray's left trying to find words for a moment. unable to stop herself from feeling sorrow the second she learns, even in how sad his big blues appeared. but it did give her answers, some clues at least. can only imagine how that left an impact on him long into adulthood, started to sound obvious through the shift in his voice. she attempts to persuade him to reel back from that bitterness, “well, not me. i would've.” what if she had? would he still grown up to be so damaged if he had a friend? coriolanus back then would've been an entirely different thing now, she definitely would've wanted to been around him and his cousin. “didn't have many toys neither... so we made a lot of ours. i would've made you both one.” saying sweetly because she genuinely was able to be soft towards a younger coriolanus & in case he was still living inside of there, she wanted him to know that.
"why wouldn't it?" he asks, not believing her answer will be anything revelatory. he feels like he knows how she feels about him. she loves him, but she would rather not. and she'd run away from him again as soon as she got the chance. snow was already used to living life watching his back, now he had to watch hers too and make sure she didn't scurry away while he wasn't looking. he hadn't figured out quite how to do that yet. would he need someone guarding her at all times? at least in the beginning? this had all happened so quickly. she's reminding him of last night, and he's to deep in whatever this is that he can't find any pleasure in it.
she's holding him so he can't pull away. he's stronger than her, but it's like she knows he won't if she just keeps her hands on him. "there's no winning with you, lucy gray." coriolanus slowly shakes his head as his eyes are staring into hers with a slight sadness in them. he's wondering how much he should share, she hasn't been honest with him, why he should he start being honest with her now? "even if i do marry you? how am i winning when i know you'd rather be anywhere else but by my side. i could have any woman i want in the capitol and still i choose the one who will strive to make my life more difficult… all because of that feeling i can't stop." he tells her, tone of voice more laced with bitterness now, but it's not aimed at her. it's aimed at himself.
he feels the breath escape him as lucy gray tries to comfort him "don't." he warns her in a whispered voice as his hand raises in front of them, holding up a shaky finger to her face. "don't say that if you don't mean it." his voice is shaky now too, as if he's on the edge of something. something he hasn't let himself feel since sejanus died. the tears are forming in his eyes and he can't let lucy gray see them, he pulls his face away from her hands and he immediately regrets it as the comforting feel of her touch disappears. he knows he only has a few seconds if he doesn't want her to pull away completely and so he looks down tries to hide his face as he leans back into her, placing his face in the crook of her neck.