Thank you so much for the heads up @elsa-fogen , also I need to reblog this because this is a serious matter and it needs some serious discussion.
First of all, here's a wild idea for this fella: if your partner realises they're sex repulsed, or even just not attracted to you anymore, but you genuinely NEED sex in a relationship to be fulfilled... Just ✨move on✨. You're incompatible, it's not the end of the world. There's almost nine billion humans on this planet, I'm sure you can find someone out there who matches your needs and expectations, no need to hyperfixate on someone who doesn't want you like that. You would just be doomed to suffer, and make the other person miserable as well, as Elsa's comic is trying to show you.
As an aroace, I feel my pulse rising and my anxiety levels skyrocket when guys hit on me, and it's because of people like you and like Elsa's Vox in Incompatible Frequencies. Because I never know how the other person is going to react, sometimes they just drop it (and I guarantee you they all find someone else to date, eventually), but sometimes they will. Just. Keep. Insisting. One even tried to blackmail me into having sex with him. Do you seriously not realise how fucked up that is and how it's not even comparable to "being lead on"?
Also, and I can't stress this enough, it doesn't matter if consent was given INITIALLY. Consent is something that needs to be constantly updated and re-established, especially in a relationship with someone on the aroace spectrum. Many aroace people, in particular those who have never tried to interact sexually before, simply don't KNOW to what extent they are repulsed yet. Sometimes we think we might do it for someone we care about, that love/affection will turn it into a pleasant experience, and while some of us may eventually find it tolerable or even enjoyable, others find out that kisses disgust them, penetration just hurts, hugs feel constricting, caresses make our skin crawl, etc.
And I know that it sucks when the person you want doesn't match your fantasies and desires. I know it can be a blow to the ego, and that some people may even spiral into thinking they're fundamentally unlovable, or that the other person is just "playing games" and "saying nonsense", but I need you to understand this, so listen carefully: this is YOUR problem. And forcing someone into a sexual relationship isn't going to fix it.
What's going to fix it? Here's some very general advice. Stop being delusional and believe people when they say they don't want you. Respect people's autonomy. Don't hyperfixate on someone and don't look for the manic pixie girl/boy who's going to save you from you loneliness (they only exist in fantasy). Start developing deep and meaningful connections that aren't romantic: love comes in many forms and maybe those other types are the ones you're actually lacking, and it's not a void that can entirely be filled by a romantic partner. And finally, for the love of all that is sacred, stop believing in the "one true love". It's just a fantasy, an idealisation. Do you seriously think that, out of billions of people, only ONE is destined for you? Just ONE? Don't you hear how ridiculous it sounds? That's why you don't need to fixate on one person who doesn't want you: find those who do! And if you have a hard time doing that, maybe there's something about yourself you need to change, develop or improve, don't you think?
You're entitled to desire a physically intimate relationship. You're entitled to want or need some love. Feelings, desires and needs are perfectly valid. What you're not entitled to is fulfilling them through extortion, violence and coercion. No person is under any obligation to give romantic and sexual love to you, including if, at some point, they thought they could. If romantic/sexual love is what you want, find people who are willing to give it and put on the work to deserve it. Learn how to communicate, how to listen, how to build a supportive community, how to express your emotions in a safe way, how to share the workload and responsibilities of a relationship. The fact alone that you defined sex repulsion "garbage" and that you're using this comic as jerking off material (why else would you want to see genitals?), instead of a cathartic or instructive reading tells me you're possibly lacking in a few of those departments.
One more thing: what Elsa's Vox did, fulfilling absurd, painful and humiliating requests just to have sex with Alastor, is not romantic. Nor dignified. It's pitiful, creepy and dangerous. Nobody should debase themselves, hurt themselves, or destroy their own future just for "a little bit of love". If a partner asks you to do any of those things, I'm sorry but they never loved you, they literally want you gone. And Alastor DID fulfill his part of the deal in the comic, but he found out it wasn't worth it. He didn't want the relationship anymore, once he had a clearer picture, and he was honest about it with Vox. It was Vox who insisted. Alastor was open about his feelings and regrets, he withdrew his consent (which again, totally fine at any point), and he tried to give Vox MULTIPLE chances to respect his new boundaries and call off the deal after their first intercourse. He even offered to help Vox restore what he lost to make amends, but no. The guy would rather rape him once a year. None of that is love. It's obsessions, disfuncional attachment, sexual attraction, emotional disconnection, not love.
If you've read the post down to this point, congratulation. Now close the internet and think about it. Do not interact, don't send me messages, don't post any comments, just leave a like or reblog it as it is, if you want, but don't try to argue with me. I'll block you without even reading. There's a time for discussion and a time for shutting up and just learning. This is a time to shut up and think. I won't allow any debates about this on my blogs.
amandla
turnnoffyourmind
titsay
pixelskylines
tangentwithtanner
dailybridgerton
