I was going through my camera roll with my boyfriend and we came across this picture. He asked me why I had a picture of a tiny yogurt bowl. I told him nonchalantly that “oh that was my daily meal when I was balls deep in my ED. I remember how excited I was that day to eat because I’d been planning it all week and it was so good!”
He grabbed my hand and looked me dead in the eyes and said, “that’s really sad dear. Like you know that that’s upsetting to hear right? I’m so happy you’re getting better. I love you.”
Anorexia is a sickness that warped my perspective so terribly that I thought THIS was an indulgence. I thought I was treating myself with this. I thought that I was in control, that I had this amazing superhuman discipline and that it somehow made me better and stronger than others. But in reality, I was loosing myself. I was dying slowly and I was overjoyed about it.
But like any sickness, there is a cure. Time and love and care and taking every day step by step no matter how difficult it is. There are still days when I look at myself in the mirror and struggle to accept what I see. But I am better and I keep getting better every single day. I now have a body that sleeps through the night and doesn’t pass out if I wash my hair in the shower. My nails aren’t so brittle that they break at the slightest touch. My hair is thicker than ever. My skin is bouncy and there’s color in my cheeks. My eyes don’t get lost, sunken into my face like pits of sorrow. I have the energy to play with my dog and the brain power to work to my full potential. I have better relationships with the people around me, I don’t self isolate to avoid going out to eat with my family.
If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, please please please seek help. Therapy or friendship are both great ways to help you realize your worth.
jacobvanloon
vaporwave
turnnoffyourmind
andulkaphoto
izzy806
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