Dissociative Day Dreamer @qtessence - Tumblr Blog

Plea from a Survivor: Don't Abuse This Vital Term

Gaslighting

The term gaslighting is catching on lately, and it bothers me how readily the term is thrown around.

I'm afraid that it's getting watered down for one (which really sucks for us survivors to be perfectly frank), but also it's really difficult to fix that label on someone you don't know really well or have a lot of context for (like on the internet or when someone is describing one example of behavior from a person you've never met).

If there is enough context to call it out, great! Calling it by it's name can be really freeing and helpful for the victims who have been trying to make sense of their world. Be careful that you don't use it too readily - essentially over diagnosing it from your armchair.

Gaslighting takes a time to do damage, but it can destroy a person completely from the inside out. It's serious, and thus the subject should be handled seriously. The term is powerful when wielded well, but useless when worn out.

I worry about this, because I watched it happen with the term depression already. Now, when I try to talk about my depression, I feel likeb people dismiss it or take it lightly. They have heard the word too much and used it casually themselves so often that even when they are trying to hear me, they can't really get the weight of it. Between that and the stereotypes, it's basically impossible for me to get across what's happening, so honestly I don't even try anymore.

Surviving the gaslighting and other forms of abuse at the hands of not one but two different Narcissists left a huge mark (it's part of what made "me" into "we" for one thing), and having the power of the term gaslighting was such an amazingly healing thing. I don't want to see other survivors deprived of that essential step towards escaping the web of pain and confusion, and I don't want to lose another meaningful word. It'll be so much harder to share my story without it.

Please, don't take this away from us survivors.

That's a long way of saying: think before you hit send I guess, but be careful with the term gaslighting and when you bust it out please. Keep it potent.

#gaslighting #gaslit #dissociative identity disorder #cptsdawareness #living with cptsd #dissociation #did #survival #survivor #grammar #psychology #overdiagnosis #overused #words have meanings #words have power #words have consequences #say what you mean

Every one of us is an alter. Yes, even the host.

Everyone of us arises out of our brain the same way. We are all ego states. We are none of us more real than another. We are all alters.

Accepting this helped me validate and value the others instead of trying to control or hide them, and it has helped all of us live more happily and with a better balance.

Put another way:

"Many petals to make one beautiful flower. Many important layers to make an artichoke or an onion.

We all have one brain with 2 hemispheres. Each hemisphere has many puzzle pieces that integrate over a child’s first five years of life.

The only difference between those on the DID spectrum, and those who are not, is the degree of awareness, and communication between those parts of self.

Distressing and overwhelming life events label as trauma, generational trauma, embryo or birth trauma, surgical trauma, or physical/emotional neglect can all be barriers to these parts integrating.

Trauma gets frozen in time. That’s why some parts of self are different ages.

Healing allows parts/alters choice. Choice if and when to heal and release trauma. Choice if they want to stay little or if they want to grow up.

The work done to heal helps little overwhelmed parts to hand off big adult jobs to the actual adults of the system, so littles can play and just be kids.

But littles rarely trust adults. They have been betrayed and hurt by adults. It takes time to build awareness, communication, and trust, even within our own system.

It’s a beautiful journey that is unique to each system, & each part."

-HAG

#dissociative identity disorder #multiple #alters

poemswords

remanence-of-love

basementtreasure

been thinking about appearances and stuff

qtessence

Time Warp - Symptoms of Dissociation & Multiplicity

I’ve seen a fair bit about time loss as a symptom of dissociation (mainly DID), but that’s not the most common time issue we face. There’s a subtle form of time loss that runs through our timeline. I suppose you’d call it time distortion or a sort of warp.

Keeping track of what day it is has always been a little difficult. The date is hard enough, but sometimes even the day of the week is a little slippery. Even being co-consciouse or sharing memories through switching doesn’t avoid this hiccup. Sometimes it feels like yesterday, even though I remember someone else was out living yesterday in my place. Sometimes it feels like tomorrow or that it’s been a week since I was last out when really it’s been a night.

My memories seem to float. Moments are like little islands in the sea of time. Their edges don’t touch, so it’s hard to know how they relate to over another on the calendar. Usually, I can loosely track what happened before or after what, but there’s space in between that I can’t calculate it account for.

The scary thing is that time seems to be harder to track than it used to be. I can’t tell if that’s just from my realizing that I’m loosing little pieces (and it’s secretly always been like this) or if I’m actually getting worse.

When I’m tired or stressed, the day blurs in front of me. Depersonalization or Derealization make it hard to be present in time or place. Hours turn into minutes or vice versa. Events don’t fully register as real. Dreams begin to feel as valid and tangible as waking moments. So of course I don’t really know what day it is, and naturally I won’t remember clearly when this happened - I might not remember it at all in fact.

I’ve always used the stand in phrase “the other day” to gloss over the details of when something happened. I apply it to events from ten years ago as librally as I do the events of last week or last night. I’ve always excused myself as being as bad at dates as I am at names. I’ve always warned people that I’m “not on this planet really” on the days I’m out of it. But only now do I recognize these as just more little signs of a multiple life rather than a quirk. I wish these were at least mentioned as symptoms or signs of something dissociative. It’s not just lost memories; it’s that time itself is a little warped.

attainablerecovery

"Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. Their bodies are constantly bombarded by visceral warning signs, and, in an attempt to control these processes, they often become expert at ignoring their gut feelings and in numbing awareness of what is played out inside. They learn to hide from their selves."

“The Body Keeps The Score” by Bessel van der Kolk

yuyuuyuyuu-deactivated20230726

“ur so chill” thanks i am completely disconnected from reality right now

1dietcokeinacan

“3 Defining Features of ADHD That Everyone Overlooks”

opinatus-papaver

FINALLY, SOME GOOD QUALITY EXPLANATION OF WHY “I DONT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ADHD” BECAUSE ITS NOT REALLY CANT SIT STILL FOCUS NONE DISORDER ITS SOMETHING A WHOLE LOT MORE COMPLEX

depressedgirl83

That side of depression

Why do people never talk about the part of depression when you just don’t want anything anymore? Everybody talks about when it hurts like hell, when you cry, when you cut, when you take drugs, when you break down. But no one ever talks about when you just lay down in your room, with a hole inside of you that you don’t know how to fill, and you don’t want to do anything even the things you usually like. So you just spend your day kinda waiting for it to end. And it’s horrible because you feel empty and guilty for that at the same time.

https://youtu.be/Y2wL6jPqW1Q