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"Writing Advice": by Charles Palahniuk- In six seconds, youâll hate me.
But in six months, youâll be a better writer.
From this point forward â at least for the next half year â you may not use âthoughtâ verbs. These include: Thinks, Knows, Understands, Realizes, Believes, Wants, Remembers, Imagines, Desires, and a hundred others you love to use.
The list should also include: Loves and Hates.
And it should include: Is and Has, but weâll get to those, later.
Until some time around Christmas, you canât write: Kenny wondered if Monica didnât like him going out at nightâŠâ
Thinking is abstract. Knowing and believing are intangible. Your story will always be stronger if you just show the physical actions and details of your characters and allow your reader to do the thinking and knowing. And loving and hating.
Instead, youâll have to Un-pack that to something like: âThe mornings after Kenny had stayed out, beyond the last bus, until heâd had to bum a ride or pay for a cab and got home to find Monica faking sleep, faking because she never slept that quiet, those mornings, sheâd only put her own cup of coffee in the microwave. Never his.â
Instead of characters knowing anything, you must now present the details that allow the reader to know them. Instead of a character wanting something, you must now describe the thing so that the reader wants it.
Instead of saying: âAdam knew Gwen liked him.â
Youâll have to say: âBetween classes, Gwen was always leaned on his locker when heâd go to open it. Sheâd roll her eyes and shove off with one foot, leaving a black-heel mark on the painted metal, but she also left the smell of her perfume. The combination lock would still be warm from her ass. And the next break, Gwen would be leaned there, again.â
In short, no more short-cuts. Only specific sensory detail: action, smell, taste, sound, and feeling.
Typically, writers use these âthoughtâ verbs at the beginning of a paragraph (In this form, you can call them âThesis Statementsâ and Iâll rail against those, later) In a way, they state the intention of the paragraph. And what follows, illustrates them.
âBrenda knew sheâd never make the deadline. Traffic was backed up from the bridge, past the first eight or nine exits. Her cell phone battery was dead. At home, the dogs would need to go out, or there would be a mess to clean up. Plus, sheâd promised to water the plants for her neighborâŠâ
Do you see how the opening âthesis statementâ steals the thunder of what follows? Donât do it.
If nothing else, cut the opening sentence and place it after all the others. Better yet, transplant it and change it to: Brenda would never make the deadline.
Thinking is abstract. Knowing and believing are intangible. Your story will always be stronger if you just show the physical actions and details of your characters and allow your reader to do the thinking and knowing. And loving and hating.
Donât tell your reader: âLisa hated Tom.â
Instead, make your case like a lawyer in court, detail by detail. Present each piece of evidence. For example:
âDuring role call, in the breath after the teacher said Tomâs name, in that moment before he could answer, right then, Lisa would whisper-shout: âButt Wipe,â just as Tom was saying, âHereâ.â
One of the most-common mistakes that beginning writers make is leaving their characters alone. Writing, you may be alone. Reading, your audience may be alone. But your character should spend very, very little time alone. Because a solitary character starts thinking or worrying or wondering.
For example: Waiting for the bus, Mark started to worry about how long the trip would take..â
A better break-down might be: âThe schedule said the bus would come by at noon, but Markâs watch said it was already 11:57. You could see all the way down the road, as far as the Mall, and not see a bus. No doubt, the driver was parked at the turn-around, the far end of the line, taking a nap. The driver was kicked back, asleep, and Mark was going to be late. Or worse, the driver was drinking, and heâd pull up drunk and charge Mark seventy-five cents for death in a fiery traffic accidentâŠâ
A character alone must lapse into fantasy or memory, but even then you canât use âthoughtâ verbs or any of their abstract relatives.
Oh, and you can just forget about using the verbs forget and remember.
No more transitions such as: âWanda remember how Nelson used to brush her hair.â
Instead: âBack in their sophomore year, Nelson used to brush her hair with smooth, long strokes of his hand.â
Again, Un-pack. Donât take short-cuts.
Better yet, get your character with another character, fast. Get them together and get the action started. Let their actions and words show their thoughts. You -- stay out of their heads.
And while youâre avoiding âthoughtâ verbs, be very wary about using the bland verbs âisâ and âhave.â
One of the most-common mistakes that beginning writers make is leaving their characters alone.
âAnnâs eyes are blue.â
âAnn coughed and waved one hand past her face, clearing the cigarette smoke from her eyes, blue eyes, before she smiledâŠâ
Instead of bland âisâ and âhasâ statements, try burying your details of what a character has or is, in actions or gestures. At its most basic, this is showing your story instead of telling it.
And forever after, once youâve learned to Un-pack your characters, youâll hate the lazy writer who settles for: âJim sat beside the telephone, wondering why Amanda didnât call.â
Please. For now, hate me all you want, but donât use âthoughtâ verbs. After Christmas, go crazy, but Iâd bet money you wonât. End ID]
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