so because people in the comments of this post just DO NOT SEEM TO GET IT, I’m going to add two significant pieces of information here.
1. I am literally a medievalist who studies rape and marriage in the Middle Ages. There is nothing you can say to me about the topic that I do not already know, unless you also study rape in the Middle Ages at the university level. All of the comments on this post that say “it be like that in the Middle Ages” are wrong. Here’s some more specific information:
It was NOT NORMAL for women to be married at the age of 13. Most women from the later middle ages (Asoiaf is pretty much later medieval/early modern if we go off of war of the roses…which he cribbed from) were married in their 20s. If a noble woman was married at a young age, it was assumed that her spouse would wait to consummate the marriage until she was considered old enough. Dany, at 13, would have barely been considered old enough (the age of consent for girls to marry is 12 in the eyes of the church but this isn’t the norm). There’s literally a case where a woman murders her husband and part of her reasoning is that he did not wait to consummate when she was young.
It wasn’t considered *normal* for 12 and 13 year olds to be having sex. I’ve read cases where rapists are dragged through the streets for raping children that age! 12 and 13 year olds are rarely termed women, they are generally, in my sources, still girls. Children this age would not have been expected to marry yet, and as such, they weren’t expected to have sex.
It is unlikely, though, that Drogo would have seen any ramifications for consummating marriage with Dany at that age. She’s 13 which by the Church’s standards meant she could consent to marriage. And marriage meant consummation. BUT was it NORMAL and EXPECTED for girls her age to get married and have sex? No, it was not.
Furthermore, in the Middle Ages, theres all this drama going on between the Church and noble families. Basically, the Church wants children to get married later, as teenagers, when they can consent of their own free will the to the marriage. Noble families want to marry their young kids off as they please, without asking the kids for their consent and without waiting until they are of age. So Dany, as someone SOLD into marriage, as someone who is forced to marry against her will, and as the last daughter of the greatest noble house in the world….welllllll, lets just say that the entire Dany and Drogo marriage would have been BEEF that the Catholic Church would have been VERY CONCERNED ABOUT. And if you don’t consent to the marriage, well…have you really consented to the sexual acts that take place after? No, not in the Church’s eyes I don’t think anyways. There are also numerous cases that Martin could have based the Dany and Drogo saga off of, which detail what actually happened when noble girls were married at a young age/kidnapped/sold into marriage/stolen from their husbands etc. But instead he chooses to make it…really gross and not interesting.
So, Dany by no means represents the norm in the Middle Ages, and she in fact represents something far more interesting that’s going on in medieval Europe (Church vs noble families vs what young girls actually want) than what Martin makes it out to be, which is eroticized sexual violence against a child. Even if we think Martin knows everything I and other medievalists know (does he read medieval latin…), he’s still only representing a very small part of the medieval population, and he isn’t even representing it very accurately.
People all over this fucking post love to say BUT IT WAS THE MIDDLES AGES. Except…..,,,none of you know what you’re talking about and all of your information comes from a fictional series that is purportedly “historically accurate” and “gritty” in its “realism.” Like, you all think marriage at 13 was normal and that rape was normalized or that no one cared about it because….you all use Martin and his ilk as history rather than understanding that it’s fiction. And someone, me, dares to critique this fiction and your defense is that it’s historically accurate??? What the actual fuck, is your reading comprehension that low? Are you completely incapable of understanding that authors make things up? And that critiquing the things that author’s make up is a very important part of literary studies??
A Song of Ice and Fire is not medieval history. Stop coming onto this post and telling me, a medievalist, that it is.
2. (this is quoted from an ask I answer previously). Let’s take a look at what the ~text~ actually says shall we?:
“Afterward she could not say how far or how long they had ridden, but it was full dark when they stopped at a grassy place beside a small stream. Drogo swung off his horse and lifted her down from hers. She felt as fragile as glass in his hands, her limbs as weak as water. She stood there helpless and trembling in her wedding silks while he secured the horses, and when he turned to look at her, she began to cry.Khal Drogo stared at her tears, his face strangely empty of expression.
“No,” he said. He lifted his hand and rubbed away the tears roughly with a callused thumb.
“You speak the Common Tongue,” Dany said in wonder.
Perhaps he had only that word, she thought, but it was one word more than she had known he had, and somehow it made her feel a little better. Drogo touched her hair lightly, sliding the silver-blond strands between his fingers and murmuring softly in Dothraki. Dany did not understand the words, yet there was warmth in the tone, a tenderness she had never expected from this man.He put his finger under her chin and lifted her head, so she was looking up into his eyes. Drogo towered over her as he towered over everyone. Taking her lightly under the arms, he lifted her and seated her on a rounded rock beside the stream. Then he sat on the ground facing her, legs crossed beneath him, their faces finally at a height.
“Is that the only word you know?” she asked him. Drogo did not reply. His long heavy braid was coiled in the dirt beside him. He pulled it over his right shoulder and began to remove the bells from his hair, one by one. After a moment Dany leaned forward to help. When they were done, Drogo gestured. She understood. Slowly, carefully, she began to undo his braid.It took a long time. All the while he sat there silently, watching her. When she was done, he shook his head, and his hair spread out behind him like a river of darkness, oiled and gleaming. She had never seen hair so long, so black, so thick. Then it was his turn. He began to undress her.His fingers were deft and strangely tender. He removed her silks one by one, carefully, while Dany sat unmoving, silent, looking at his eyes. When he bared her small breasts, she could not help herself. She averted her eyes and covered herself with her hands.
“No,” Drogo said. He pulled her hands away from her breasts, gently but firmly, then lifted her face again to make her look at him.
“No,” he repeated.“No,” she echoed back at him.
He stood her up then and pulled her close to remove the last of her silks. The night air was chilly on her bare skin. She shivered, and gooseflesh covered her arms and legs. She was afraid of what would come next, but for a while nothing happened. Khal Drogo sat with his legs crossed, looking at her, drinking in her body with his eyes.After a while he began to touch her. Lightly at first, then harder. She could sense the fierce strength in his hands, but he never hurt her. He held her hand in his own and brushed her fingers, one by one. He ran a hand gently down her leg. He stroked her face, tracing the curve of her ears, running a finger gently around her mouth. He put both hands in her hair and combed it with his fingers. He turned her around, massaged her shoulders, slid a knuckle down the path of her spine.
It seemed as if hours passed before his hands finally went to her breasts. He stroked the soft skin underneath until it tingled. He circled her nipples with his thumbs, pinched them between thumb and forefinger, then began to pull at her, very lightly at first, then more insistently, until her nipples stiffened and began to ache.He stopped then, and drew her down onto his lap. Dany was flushed and breathless, her heart fluttering in her chest. He cupped her face in his huge hands and looked into his eyes.
“No?” he said, and she knew it was a question.She took his hand and moved it down to the wetness between her thighs.
“Yes,” she whispered as she put his finger inside her.”
Points at which the text is erotic and/or normalizes rape, and makes it out to be sexy sex, not because I am gross and read it that way, but because it’s there in the text:
-Drogo doesn’t just attack Dany, he is portrayed as gentle and loving, moving the reader away from the traditional rape script in which the rapist is a violent stranger: “He began to undress her. His fingers were deft and strangely tender. He removed her silks one by one, carefully, while Dany sat unmoving, silent, looking at his eyes.” and “Drogo touched her hair lightly, sliding the silver-blond strands between his fingers and murmuring softly in Dothraki. Dany did not understand the words, yet there was warmth in the tone, a tenderness she had never expected from this man.” Drogo is tender. He’s careful. He is explicitly and canonically portrayed in this manner, effectively moving the reader away from associating the sexual act with rape. AND THAT’S NOT BECAUSE ALL RAPE IS VIOLENT BECAUSE IT’S NOT, but *breathes deeply* it’s because most people only believe that a rape has occurred when it is violent and with a stranger. That’s literally the most common script people associate with rape—a stranger man attacking a woman outside. But most rapes actually happen between a woman and someone she knows and trust.LIKE HER HUSBAND. But that’s not what Martin is attempting to do here, he’s not attempting to portray spousal abuse. He’s fully 100% depicting this as consensual sex, and the hesitation on Dany’s part? It’s 100% supposed to be titillating. Let’s continue. -Drogo is said to “never hurt her” and spends a lot of time with foreplay, running his hand over her body etc. He’s portrayed as being caring, loving, as being the ideal man for this 13 year old girl to have her first sexual encounter with (i’m vomiting in my mouth a little as i type this). He caresses her slowly, taking his time, essentially teaching her about sex.
-He stimulates her nipples and breasts until they “ache.” How do we read this part as anything other than erotic? What other purpose does this serve aside from demonstrating that Dany is enjoying it and that Drogo is trying to make this good for her?-She’s flushed and breathless. She’s also “wet.” I mean…that is….so explicitly meant to be erotic, she is explicitly portrayed as enjoying this sexual encounter, I don’t really know how else to say it.
-finally, Dany’s hesitance is portrayed as something Drogo simply has to overcome. And yes he does that with foreplay and tenderness. But her resistance is still portrayed as a speed bump. This is how she feels at the beginning of the scene: “She felt as fragile as glass in his hands, her limbs as weak as water. She stood there helpless and trembling in her wedding silks while he secured the horses, and when he turned to look at her, she began to cry.” But by the end of the scene, we have her moving his hand between her legs, explicitly consenting to sexual acts—even though she can’t consent because she’s a child, but the point is that Martin depicts her as being able to consent, and that’s the most fucked up thing about this scene.
And I’d like to add that Martin also co-opts the r/pe victims “no” in this scene. I mean, Dany and Drogo repeat this word to one another, littering a scene that ends in the female-party’s enjoyment with the word no, spoken over and over again. I MEAN, That is such an EXPLICIT EROTICIZATION OF RAPE. It’s, I would argue, a very conscious choice on Martin’s part to meld r/pe and the erotica together here. How could it not be? We have a 13 year old child portrayed as initially resisting, and then she’s like, seduced into somehow enjoying the sex and “consenting” to it, and yet that same page is full of the word no, over and over again? The message, loud and clear, is that a woman’s inexperience or resistance is not only something that can be overcome if one tries hard enough, but also something that in itself can be titillating. Dany’s tacit resistance, the repetition of the word no (even though Drogo says it most of the time, it’s mere presence here adds to the melding of r/pe and the erotic that Martin is doing here), and her initial fears all mark this as a r/pe scene.
Except! Except. She’s wet by the end and chooses to put Drogo’s hand between her legs. If at first Dany is depicted as traumatized, by the end of the scene she is enjoying the encounter. She does not end the scene traumatized, nor spend the rest of the book upset about it. Martin didn’t write us a brilliant survivor’s story or anything. No only does Martin depict a 13 year old’s tears and resistance as something to be smooth over and placated with foreplay, but I would argue, her tears and trauma are PART OF WHY THIS SCENE IS MEANT TO BE SEXY. Dany’s nervousness at first is quickly subsumed by her desire for this random dude she just met, “helpless and trembling” become, by the end of the scene, “breathless” and “wetness.”
It is, without a doubt, a confirmation of the ultimate male fantasy: the seduction of a young virgin, who at first is scared but then comes around because well, how could she resist you forever, you stud muffin? Dany’s sexual awakening takes place at Drogo’s hands, by his guidance, and only because of his presence. Rape is alright because eventually she’s gonna enjoy it! Even if she’s just a kid! I mean, that’s literally the message here.And the thing is, this isn’t even unique to Martin! If we put this against a backdrop of hundreds of years of literature that frames rape as merely foreplay, that makes kidnapping and rape into mere ravishment, that makes female sexuality dependent on male violence, ie, only when subjected to rape will a woman’s sexuality awaken—not only is this scene explicitly meant to be erotic, but it’s exactly the type of eroticism and sexual pleasure that readers are used to! This is not an outlier in literature, and not in life, if we consider how much porn depicts violent sex as good sex, and depicts women as secretly wanting to be raped.
Furthermore, the rest of the book does not depict Dany and struggling with the trauma. HER AND DROGO FALL IN LOVE. I mean, jfc. There’s actually another scene in which, while they are copulating, Martin has her convince Drogo to let her fuck him on top because she’s tired of the way that the Dothraki will only have sex doggie style and wants more loving sex. (i mean i won’t even try to unpack the not so subtle racial undertones there)
Martin has her acting as if she’s a fully grown adult woman who wants to work her way through the entire kama sutra with her new hubby
SHE’S THIRTEEN. WHAT THIRTEEN YEAR OLD ACTS LIKE THIS
let me tell you, none of them do, but maybe it’s artifacts of rape culture like Dany’s r/pe in asoiaf that help perpetuate the idea that teenage girls can be “asking for it” and are “sluts” who “wanted it.”
You can enjoy these books if you want to. Hell, I watch the show because Sansa Stark. I am not here to tell anyone not to like ASOIAF. But if you can’t be critical of something that you enjoy, then….well, take some time to reexamine your enjoyment. Because the constant pushback I get on this post just demonstrates that people are incapable of confronting the fact that they enjoy a series that is imperfect and at times disgusting. So instead, they try to say that it’s historically accurate, or they try to tell me that Martin “doesn’t normalize rape,” or they tell me I’m gross, or that I just “don’t like sex scenes.” No. Me and my analysis here are not the problem. And I’m not sorry for pointing out something wrong in a series that y’all love so much. You’re still allowed to love it. What you’re not allowed to do is excuse the rape of a 13 year old girl.
vaporwave
stormborns
romaincrisis
turnnoffyourmind
