The Pursuit Of Dick

hi! my name is andrew. i’m 28, queer, and a capricorn. professional sweetheart.

[yu-gi-oh-slavia]

they always talk about penis envy but what about the other six penis sins

[achillesinhighheels]

janicemascarenhass via IG

[one-hell-of-a-sheep]

why does oscar wilde take 150 pages to write something he could literally say in a paragraph

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

gay

[yurious-george]

compelling argument

[mossadspydolphin]

what does this say about victor hugo

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

no he was just french

[jam-the-hologram]

R.R Tolkien?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

autistic infodumping

[elden-12]

Put this together and I dread to think how long a novel by an autistic gay Frenchman would be. :p

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

[barstoolblues]

mozzarella and parmesan is kind of like the age gap yuri of cheese

[diehellasrache]

I think I'm going to remember this phrase every time I cook for the next five years

[kerryweaverlesbian]

What if the Truman show did a queerbait arc

[kerryweaverlesbian]

What if the Truman show did a queerbait arc but then they found out Truman was gay for real and had to recalibrate and their tv network would have to take a definitive stance on homosexuality, yay or nay in the late 90s and it's not like they can recast Truman. They would have to either plot him into an it's okay to be gay fake happy relationship like they did with his tv wife or try and scare him off homosexuality by doing homophobic gay misery storylines at him to try and keep him firmly in the closet.

[i-want-a-bagel]

adding my favorite tags by @clarafordahwin

[fireleaptfromhousetohouse]

[magicratfingers]

bass pro shops needs a esports department i want to try weird mice i want to choose a desk pad i want to browse decorative rgb lighting

[magicratfingers]

im really not

this is a best buy — a chest high labyrinth of brand displays and loss leaders stalked by unreliable salesteens

and this is a bass pro shop

best buy puts sets out a tiny selection of product by brands that can pay for the privilege and says heehee money for our spreadsheets

bass pro shops shows you 15 versions of everything imagineable and their own versions and says whoooo look how big our dick is

so imagine the fundamentally bad ass experience if your gaming shit was sold by people who deadass put a whole lake in a store

[confoundedcontraption]

Alas, you are describing the late, lamented Fry's Electronics.

Photos: Fry’s Electronics closes, along with their distinctive themed stores

Fry’s Electronics, the one-stop-shop for consumer electronics, has ceased operations permanently. Many of the Fry’s stores featured a distin

[magicratfingers]

i had no idea

[woman-becomer]

just found out I'm going to be reincarnated into a single sprig of grain. barley apparently. Not cool man. I didn't even know plants was an option on the table. this is bullshit

[woman-becomer]

these tags make me so mad because you're right

[desireddracula]

Reblog to make prev 10% hotter and more evil

[sweaterkittensahoy]

shout out to everyone who has any sort of maintenance job whether it's a custodian or a mechanic or a furnace repair person or a pool cleaner or a housekeeper or anything where someone shows up or I go to you, and my shit is taken care of.

big appreciation for the maintenance people

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Huge fan of when I have a problem that I have no idea how to handle (or no time/tools/physical strength to handle) and I call A Guy who knows how to handle it and they come and handle it for me.

[d-adpool]

not putting my whole pussy into it today lads. you're getting my left labia at best

[stood-onthecliffside]

[emesissy]

i'm such yayybait. i'm such yippee!bait. i love to become ensnared in delight

[ggghoulish]

posting this here cause I’m still not over it. people who write instructions I love you you’re so funny

[bigenderweed]

everyone make sure to set out cheese & crackers for neil tonight <3

[anistarrose]

[ID: a photo of Neil, a rat, sitting in front of a toy xylophone. It's captioned "Neil banging out the tunes, April 13, 2006." End ID.]

[giragirameganedan]

dreamt that itch.io released their own special adaptable accessible super thin flexible silicon game controller called the Butterfly you could also fuck (they packaged each one with lube and toy cleaner) but there was no specific obvious way you were supposed to fuck it they encouraged everyone to find their own special unique way to fuck it. and they ran these ads for it that were different people from all walks of life saying what they do with it . sunburned rural dad who folds it hotdog style and jacks off into it. biracial masc lesbian with undercut who tribs with the joystick. young amputee in wheelchair who lets it vibrate on his lap while he works on his novel. etc. beautiful supermodel woman whos like "and me? i just game. hard." it ended with them all triumphantly saying into the camera "and thats how *I* fuck #MyButterfly"