Untitled

[tinylilhollander]

Ilya's insomnia gets really bad and he's stressed because it's affecting his hockey. And okay Shane would be lying if he said that that part didn't worry him too – he wants that cup so fucking badly – but it's mostly because he knows Ilya gets worse if his hockey suffers because of his mental health stuff. It's a vicious cycle. So he needs to get Ilya to sleep.

He's really desperate one night. It's like 1am and Ilya hasn't been able to settle down. He suddenly remembers how his mom said the only thing that would get him to sleep as a baby was taking him for a drive so he tells Ilya to put on a hoodie and some shoes, they're going for a drive.

And Ilya is swooning because this is so romantic and spontaneous for Shane. A midnight drive – he's feeling so romanced. Shane puts on some soft music, not what either of them usually listen to, but nice, and they drive through the streets of Ottawa, Shane pointing out places from his childhood that he's already shown Ilya but that Ilya always loves hearing about.

It takes about half an hour, but before long Ilya is completely conked out, snoring softly in the passenger's seat. Shane drives them home, lifts Ilya out of the car, and carries him to bed, taking off his shoes and tucking him in.

Ilya is very confused when he wakes up what feels like minutes later (but is actually after 6 hours of sleep) for their morning workout. Shane is already awake, brushing curls out of his eyes.

"Morning, baby. Did you sleep okay?"

"Really good," he says. "Sorry, I think I fell asleep in the car. Did you carry me to bed?"

"Yeah." Shane shrugs like it was nothing, but Ilya can tell he's so pleased with himself.

"Hot," he says, pressing a kiss to Shane's chest. "So fucking hot."

Shane gets that look then. That one that Ilya means that they might be late to practice.

"If we go fix our morning breath quick, I've got a few ideas for our workout."

And even though Shane's ideas are very very good, so good Ilya doesn't really want to leave their bed, they even make it to practice on time.

[hollanovscuckchair]

and what if i said that shane hollander doesn't want a threesome with anyone but two ilya rozanovs. what if i said ilya is very horny about this fact and makes a cast of his dick. what if i said that he makes shane suck the silicone mould of his penis whilst he fucks shane with shane on his hands and knees with the dildo gripped between shane's big hands as shane sobs that the silicone doesn't taste right so then they switch and ilya fucks his mouth whilst dildo!ilya fucks his hole (still controlled by actual ilya, he is bent over shane and fucking his hips forward into shane's mouth as he jacks the dildo in and out). and what if i said then shane starts sobbing with ilya's cock in his mouth bc dildo!ilya doesn't feel right in his ass either and he wants ilya to come in his hole. and what if i said ilya just coos meanly at him the whole time, calling him a silly little slut, stroking his hair in mock sympathy then bullying him for being so cock hungry. and what if i said ilya goes back to fucking shane's hole and makes shane lie with his face smooshed into the mattress, sucking on the silicone dildo like a pacifier, just drooling all over himself, still whining that it isn't right and ilya just laughs at him. what if i said all that?

[mutinsfromthemoon]

“hollzy not coming?” wyatt asks when ilya finally approaches and ilya answers “oh, no. you know how my shane is when it’s practice day he sometimes overworks himself, my little hockey obsessed boy” he explained and the guys nodded in agreement and one of the rookies says “aw man i wanted to talk to hollander”. shane is actually passed out in bed after being edged for hours by his husband cus shane checked ilya a little too hard in the practice and they exchanged stares and ilya mouthed “you’re paying for that later”

[gaynehollander]

I do think Cliff was very proud of Ilya for pulling Shane motherfucking Hollander when he found out. I do also think we was very confused about Ilya suddenly having gone gay. He didn't have a problem with it, he just didn't see it coming, and he's not really sure how to act around him the first time they hang out together, just the two of them, after the leak.

He wants to show Ilya that he's good with him - that he can be his gay self around him - so the first time they meet up, Cliff suggests they go shopping. Ilya's a little confused. He and Cliff have never gone shopping together and, though it could be fun, he's not really feeling up for a full outing. Cliff then suggests brunch and, when Ilya shoots that down too, he asks if Ottawa has any gay bars they could go to. Although the idea of watching Cliff get hit on by guys all night is vaguely tempting, Ilya suggests they just meet at home and play some video games.

Cliff feels a little disappointed Ilya isn't ready to share his gay side with him but he gets it. He knows how the hockey culture is and maybe he just needs to show Ilya he's a proper ally and then he'll let himself be his gayest self.

Throughout their hang, he keeps trying to subtly show Ilya that he's safe around him. He talks about the latest season of Drag Race, he asks him who's his favourite Will and Grace character and says he likes Jack the most, he asks who his favourite pop diva is and tells him he thinks Beyoncé is rad. Ilya doesn't seem to take the hint though. Apparently he isn't watching the latest Drag Race season, he doesn't know who his favourite Will and Grace character is and he tells Cliff he already knows Ilya's more of a rap guy but Beyoncé's cool. He prefers Megan Thee Stallion, though.

When Ilya brings out a couple of beers for them, Cliff carefully tells Ilya that if he wants a White Claw or something instead, then that's okay. Apparently, that's Ilya's breaking point and he goes off like, "Cliff, I'm the same fucking person I was, okay? I still like the same stuff. The only thing I didn't share is that I also like fucking men. I drink beer. I drink vodka. Shane and I play video games, we watch hockey, we watch rugby, we work out together." Cliff is a little confused, "and then you fuck?" "Yes, Marley, and then we fuck. Do you have a problem with that?" And all Cliff can say is, "that sounds pretty awesome." And it really does. If what Ilya's saying is true, it sounds like being gay is just like having a best bro who also makes you cum. That sounds like a fucking dream, to be honest.

[mutinsfromthemoon]

“i’m leaving” ilya says as he gets up and bood asks “already?” and ilya’s like “yes, shane asked me to leave early” and troy says “you know no one here believe that right?” and ilya goes “but is true, he asked me” and bood’s like “man, we all know you’re the clingy one, just say you want to go home to your husband no one will judge you” and ilya goes again “im telling the truth, shane asked me” and troy says “we all know shane, man, you asked to come and he probably just said “okay” with that little smile he does” and ilya again “i’m telling the truth why no one believes me?”. then cuts to an oblivious shane dancing with anya in the kitchen.

[cottagehillsunset]

David and Ilya are out on a grocery run together to pick up some last minute stuff for the Christmas dinner at David and Yuna's later that day. And they're in the produce section getting carrots when they run into one of David's work colleagues, Alexander.

Alexander who greets David with a handshake and a pat on the shoulder, obviously close enough to stop and chat with David outside of work. And David puts a hand on Ilya's shoulder and goes "This is Ilya", and Alexander's eyes light up. But before Ilya can say anything, Alexander goes "Oh yeah, I recognize you from the pictures!", he smiles and shakes Ilya's hand. "That must have been a fun bareque, David talks about it often."

And Ilya's mind has shut off and is racing a thousend miles at the same time because yeah they did have Yuna and David over at Shane's Cottage this summer for a barbeque, as they have done often, but surely that - why would David have a picture of that on his desk?

He must manage a Thank you or something because Alex still smiles warmly as he tells thr two of them "Well, it was nice to run into you guys, I won't hold you up any longer. Enjoy your family Christmas" and Ilya, through the rushing in his ears, hears David say "Thank you, Alexander. Have a good Christmas as well, give my best to Elaine".

It's not until they're back in the car, groceries in the trunk on the way back to the house, when Ilya turns to David. There are a million things he wants to say, but he ends up blurting out

"You have pictures of me at your office?"

And he doesn't know what he expects David to say. No, this was all a prank orchestrated by my work colleague and me? Yes i do but only because Shane made me? Yuna told me to keep the Hollander-Rozanov brand strong I get five dollars everytime someone mentions your name?

The rational part of his brain knows these are all absurd. He's still not quite ready to be hit with David's completely sincere "Oh, yeah. With you boys on the road so often I like to keep pictures on my desk, you know? Yuna as well, of course. It makes me feel as if I have a part of my family with me even at work."

David kindly does not say anything about how Ilya's eyes get a bit glassy at that. Just smiles at him in the rearview mirror and pats him on the knee as they make their way back home.

[mutinsfromthemoon]

the cens communications team made a funny video with ilya where he kisses his teammates on the cheek to see their reactions. the first one was bood who just laughed and hugged him. the second was wyatt who kissed him back. the third was troy who dodged every attempt like “get off me man”. the fourth were the rookies (not rookies anymore) luca, lapointe, young, and holmberg who all took it lightly and beamed, except luca who got beet red. ilya went and did that with every cens player, most of them just accepted it, others joked back, some kissed him back, one or two dodged, but overall they took the ilya’s attempts well. the last one was shane, ilya kissed all over his face and shane just melted into his husband’s kiss and kissed him back. obviously that was one of the most watched videos on the cens official account.

[iressails]

Computa what is the word for when he flips you over without pulling out and keeps fucking you

[whatthebodygraspsnot]

out and married hollanov having drinks at a non-hockey friend's house. maybe shane's old stylist who he really got along with and then her friend group absorbed him, which in turn meant they absorbed ilya.

anyway they're all sitting around a fire pit having cunty little cocktails or smth and just enough has been consumed that the convo turns scandalous. someone (we'll say his stylist) is waxing poetic about her gorgeous new fwb and their equally gorgeous friend and says "that's a sandwich i'd love to be the jelly in."

and shane - tipsy but ever present - his ears sort of perk up puppy style across the fire like, "sandwich...?"

which inspires this whole conversation about handsy threesomes. and shane's gonna be honest, in theory that sounds hot. he's had his fair share of late-night jerk offs around the idea, don't get him wrong. but he's got ilya locked down - he's not sniffing around for a third. the concept, however...the physical sensation of being caught between two hot sweaty dudes? yeah that's juuuust enough to get him zoning out into the fire, tipsy mind having a field day filled with sweaty muscles and tight, delicious pressure crowding him in on all sides.

ilya recognizes this look in an instant, of course. he's sitting right next to him after all. "making your imaginary sandwich in front of your husband..." he tsks, but it's all in good fun. he's obviously very interested, just like everyone else who has tuned into the convo because shane's kinda-

"panini..."

"what?"

"meat in a panini," he drowsily explains, in what he thinks is a perfect and impressively cohesive explanation of the image in his head right now. "absolutely fuckin' crushed..."

ilya can't even pretend to be surprised because he knows his man. and his needs. and his frequent desires to be smashed into oblivion under ilya's full weight. not even fucking him, most times. just squeezing him. pressure for pressure's sake. "ah... of course." this makes perfect sense. even if the rest of the group doesn't seem to be following. "and who is bread for your meat, my panini?"

that gets a couple giggles, but shane is fucking locked in, brother. like he's making plans already. "well you, obviously."

"obviously." okay thank god. "and who else?" he's reaching out to run his fingers through the back of his husband's hair while he speaks. "who will help me keep you still? maybe bood would if we-"

"marleau."

ilya pauses. blinks. "what?"

"cliff marleau," shane says. as if ilya is seeking clarification on which marleau is being discussed and like-...

ilya tilts his head and it's a little judgy. he knows. like the careful tone he carries with what he says next but like...hello? "sweetheart, cliff marleau fractured your collarbone and put you in hospital..."

and shane, god love him, he's just sitting there with this dreamy, almost blissed out haze over his eyes as his mind wanders. "exaaactly..."

[cottagehillsunset]

Ilya who, whenever Jurrasic Park or any sort of dinosaur movie is on, takes a picture of the TV and sends it to Scott Hunter with a "good game" or "did not kow you were playing tonight".

Scott just lets out a long sigh everytime and counts to ten in his head.

He ends up on the same flight to New York as Shane after an away game in Ottawa, with Scott going back home and Shane travelling for the launch of a new Rebook store in New York.

And Scott can't help but laugh when he sees what the in flight movie options are. At Shane's curious look he waves at the small tv screen and explains the bit Ilya has going on. And Shane, just for a second, gets this weird glint in his eyes before offering Scott one of his earbuds with a smile.

"Want to rewatch the game with me instead?", he asks, holding up his IPad. And, why the hell not, Scott thinks, there are worse things than reviewing their game with Shane (even though he doubts Shane will share any of his strategical thoughts with him).

So, Scott takes the earbud and settles into his seat. Only to be hit with the opening notes of Jurrasic Park five seconds in.

[finny-red]

Snowy evening ❄️🌃

[shilyas]

mlep

[mutinsfromthemoon]

“what do you guys do in your free time?” bood asks shane and ilya. they’re at monk’s, at least most of the team, after a home game and sitting together in a booth. and ilya opens his mouth to answer but shane cuts him off saying “please give a normal answer” and ilya looks at him fake annoyed and says to bood “when we’re here we just go on hikes, play some football or video games. at least for an hour when we’re not doing anything” he chuckles and bood asks “you guys only have an hour to yourselves?” and ilya’s like “oh no is cus we spend doing others activities” and bood asks “what are those?” and ilya smirks mischievously and bood looks at shane and says “i walked right into that didn’t i?” and shane shrugs taking a sip of his beer

[mutinsfromthemoon]

“and then he rode me so good that when i came i almost blacked out” ilya tells to a rose landry who is grinning hard fully invested in hearing about shane and ilya’s latest sexcapades then she asks “can i watch one time?” and ilya gasps offended and says “i’m not letting someone who’s already fucked my husband watch my husband having sex with me” and rose already cackling at how easy he is to wind up says “well i’m running low on shane content to get off to lately” and ilya absolutely flabbergasted goes “you are not getting off to my husband, you can’t even look at him anymore. delete every single photo of him from your phone, especially the shirtless ones” and rose smirks and goes “can’t do, i’m actually scheduled to do a peloton campaign with him next month. he’ll be all sweaty and shirtless, it’s gonna be amazing” she teases him and ilya picks out his phone already dialing and goes “no you’re not, i’m not going to let that happen” and when the person picks up he goes “mama yuna, cancel shane’s peloton campaign right now” and rose is there full on belly laughing and ilya pauses and ask “what, there’s no campaign? no, don’t schedule one then. thanks yuna, i’ll explain later” and he hangs up and turns to rose who is practically crying with laughter and he just glares and goes “you fucking little minx”

[hudconuinely]

you can literally see him already making plans omg

[shanesholender]

how hard do you think ilya gets the first time he’s antagonising another player and a ref looks at shane and says “put your dog on a leash”

[actuallysara]

the Ottawa Centaurs slowly forming