What is a Favorite Person in the BPD community?
So I’ve tried looking up a definition for what a Favorite Person is, specifically in the BPD community, but I can’t find anything that’s a straight out explanation hardly. I see lots of examples of people talking about their FP, but hardly any explanations to what it is, especially in words suited to those new to BPD/without BPD.
So here is my take on defining what a Favorite Person in terms of BPD. I’m very new on the subject of BPD though, so please add to this if you have more experience and think I missed something! Or send me an ask~
So what is a Favorite Person?
For those with BPD, it’s like a common thing to have Favorite Person(s). It doesn’t mean they like or care about other people less (though that can be true for some, it’s case by case), it just means they have this one person (or sometimes persons) who they seek validation from the most and want to spend time with the most; it’s naturally very important to them. Often the Favorite Person is someone a person with BPD is dating or it’s one of their best friends. Sometimes even a parent. It’s not bizarre for someone they just met to become their FP either I think, depending. Some people even hate their Favorite Person. It’s likely thanks to splitting, which is a common thing in BPD as well. (wiki info on splitting here)
What is Splitting? And why can’t non-BPD folks use the term Favorite Person?
Idealizing and devaluing basically; which can come out like “I know this person has flaws, but like even their flaws aren’t that big a deal <3 it’s just part of them” (idealizing) to “wow their flaws are such a big deal, i can’t deal with this right now, i’ve made a mistake” (devaluing).
Splitting is likely the cause of having a Favorite Person to begin with, and that’s why many folks with BPD are greatly uncomfortable with non-BPD folks using the term Favorite Person to describe best friends or lovers. A Favorite Person is not the same as just someone you really like, no matter how intensely. (and no the term doesn’t always have to be capitalized, I’m just doing that for emphasis)
To those with BPD, a Favorite Person is someone who they feel a need to be with, an urge they may not even understand or be aware of. I’ve had plenty of FPs myself and only recently realized that’s what they were. It’s different from simply having a person you care about deeply, because this is a very intense and innate urge for BPD folks whether they feel any romantic or sexual feelings about the person. It’s very similar to wanting to share things with people you like, it’s just a hell of a lot more intense if they’re your Favorite Person, and only those with BPD or similar mental illnesses feel that intensity with it.
Like I said, you don’t even have to like someone for them to be your FP. The thing is you have this innate urge to seek them out for attention and validation or comfort above all others. It often gives those of us with BPD a sense of peace and “all is right in the world” when we get the attention we desire from our Favorite Person.
So yeah, I think that covers the basics. If this helped any, please reblog to share!
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