Queer Sith Happens

Various queer yelling, politics chatter and opinions, and community enquiries, at irregular intervals.

[queersithhappens]

Hey I wanted to say thank you for pointing out the OP of that EU net neutrality post is very problematic & not a reliable source. I've been seeing so many people reblogging that post without checking & I am very alarmed by it.

Same anon but I also wanted to say thank you for providing more information in the EU NN post! While I was very suspicious of the OP I also wasn't aware of what was going on in the EU regarding net neutrality because I'm from the states. I understand the situation better now because of the sources you provided, so again, thank you!

I’m glad I could help, but I just want to point out that the issue in the EU at the moment isn’t net neutrality related at all?

Net neutrality refers to how data going to and from different places is handled by internet service providers - that is, when net neutrality is in effect, all data is treated equally, and there aren’t online ‘fast lanes’ or limitations on access to certain data because of where it’s coming or going from.

The Article 13 that right-wingers seem to be pushing as a panic point thing refers to managing of copyrighted content. Now, while the handling of said content suggested by the most recent version of Article 13 I’ve read isn’t perhaps an ideal solution (and this is something that is being weighed in on within the EU, since much earlier than this sudden attack of excitement), it’s still not a net neutrality issue.

In light of that, I suspect that the callbacks to the US net neutrality debacle are an outrage-stoking tactic, relying on the anger that spurred people to pay attention to the net neutrality case to make those people more sympathetic to the right-wing media’s calls for action over Article 13.

I’ve yet to discern whether Article 13 is even close to being passed, whether it’s in rewrite stages, or even what’s happening with the proposal as a whole, but it’s clearly being used by right-wingers as something to rally around, which means that I definitely don’t want to be calling for action on the matter before I know a great deal more than I do about what’s going on.

[queersithhappens]

Hey, thanks so much for debunking that post, it terrified me!

I’m glad I could help!

Scaring people is generally what people who do that kind of thing want, and they tend to have practice, so don’t feel bad about it. It’s a matter of training yourself to look for the cause for alarm, and not just the headline.

I’ll be honest, I often don’t look at posts like that in great depth, just because politics exhausts me, but two things tipped me over the edge with that post: the fact that I only ever saw that one post and reblogs thereof about the issue, and the fact that the GDPR rules have just come into force here in the EU. It added up to a very suspicious picture, one that my Googling then indicated was very suspicious.

So: rest assured there is no cause to be worried about the EU breaking the internet as of yet.

[think-critically]

IMPORTANT! The EU is About to Destroy The Internet #DeleteArt13

Sources: http://ow.ly/HsGP10168R5

Sign the Petition: https://saveyourinternet.eu/

EDRI Article: http://ow.ly/VEpH101689Z Techdirt article: http://ow.ly/gs9b101689X

[zjedzgoffra]

Hope this will spread as much as save net neutrality posts

it’s way worse than that law actually, in US they “just” wanted your money, here the EU goverment wants to take our freedom without even giving a choice

[roskii]

SPREAD THIS

[ar-ameth]

I’m just speechless. Dudes, this is wayyyy worse then The Net Neutrality bullshit in the US. Spread this like a wildfire! I don’t wanna lose everything I have thanks to this law!

[queersithhappens]

Based on both OP’s recent reblog history and about page, I’d be reluctant of considering this blog a reliable source - Islamophobia, a centrist-to-conservative political bent and various opinions I strongly disagree with on queer issues disincline me to give them much credence.

Further: this post was made a day ago (as of today, it is 31 May 2018); searching for ‘eu new internet law may 2018′ gives GDPR talk and NOTHING else. Searching for the specific name #deleteart13 dredges up multiple very recent posts with essentially the same text and the links to the same sources, in and of itself suspicious, and there’s also this interesting forum thread (with an actual link to a legal document! Which I’ll also add separately here) which gives a concise overview of why this appears to be overblown.

To quote what I think is the most useful section of the above forum thread in clarifying here:

[another forum user] is right. The outrage seems heavily overblown – first off, the European Parliament will have to vote on the proposal and amend it. Secondly, the document itself is from 2016.

And most importantly, what those media sources are writing about it does not match the actual text that Superjumpman posted. It's just not there. Both of the linked sites are anti-GDPR, and most likely found and twisted the proposal to take away from the success for user internet privacy that it is. The Youtuber in question clearly carters to the alt-lite US viewers, with amazing videos like "Progressives are ruining Ireland" (because there is no longer a 100% ban on abortions and gay marriage), "NBC’s Disgraceful Hit Piece on Jordan Peterson" and so on.

As a matter of fact, it's very hard to navigate to find the document in question on https://saveyourinternet.eu/ – it is somewhat hidden behind 3 clicks, without being properly labeled as the controversial document itself, buried in a mass of other links, videos similar to the ones OP linked, and a "dissection" commentary on the document that all precede the link to the law itself.

In other words, what I smell here is a facilitated outrage, a US-centric and EU-sceptical knee-jerk reaction to GDPR, which has a somewhat global effect due to the extended effects of the free market (hard/impossible to distinguish EU internet users, sites therefore alter services globally to comply to EU standards)

This post should not be considered a call to panic stations.

[queersithhappens]

I’ve been introduced to the terms omniaromantic and omniasexual sometime a few months back (maybe even half a year, most of this one so far has been a Depression Blur), and they do cover a nuance of my aroace identity that I’ve often had trouble expressing within a-spec spaces, which is neat.

But I do have... certain qualms about them which make the words, for me at least, more of a temporary patch solution to the problem I had than a long-term fix.

One of them is, to be fair, the potential for confusion with omni-romantic/sexual. Which is... annoying, but also a rather natural consequence of the way our orientation words are constructed? And when neither set of words is that common, I don’t really know how serious an issue that is.

The fact that omniaromantic and omniasexual are still distinguished from each other is what really doesn’t work that well for me. Another of my problems existing in a-spec spaces is that I just cannot separate my aromanticism and my asexuality functionally. I’ve had to learn to phrase things in a way that separates my aro and my ace, just to like. get to say anything and not get yelled at for Conflating Experiences (and I do get where the aro community at least is coming from on that score, but. still difficult to exist there when that’s a bearing tone of conversation), but that’s a false distinction that isn’t true to the way I experience either thing and is often detrimental to me trying to voice my experiences at all.

On the flipside, I can also understand why people don’t want to pick either asexuality or aromanticism and make that be the Omni-A(identity) at the expense of the other.

(There’s an additional note about the sidelining of other forms of attraction that may be equally important to other a-spec people, but I’m rambling enough as it is here.)

Ideally, I’d be able to just roll my identity into one word and leave it there and just. sidestep the issue of dancing around split attraction that isn’t that split at all. But that, quite frankly, requires a step away from the established vocabulary of orientation, and one that I don’t really know how to make.

(It’s not like I really want to have to do More Explaining of what a word I use to describe myself means, after all. It’s just that if I don’t do that explaining, I get stuck using words that just don’t capture certain nuances of my experience that I would much prefer to be able to express.)

Internally, I’m at an impasse here. I don’t... really have any strong feelings about words I could reasonably use as an identifier, but the vocabulary gap is very much still there. So for the time being, I’m sort of using omni-aroace as a patch measure, but I’m not... entirely satisfied with that. Except I don’t know what to do in order to make it satisfactory. Blah.

[qesurvey-archived]

2018 Inquiry into Gender and Sexuality Experiences

Before proceeding with this survey, please read the following guidelines.

The 2018 survey is now public and live.

You’ll notice some fairly dramatic changes from the initial 2017 survey, including a more traditional agree/disagree scale, randomized question order within each section, a greater number of shorter sections, and a more thorough explanation of how data is being used after collection.

Another significant change: all demographics questions are now optional. The only mandatory questions are those regarding how you want your data handled.

Demographics are also considerably more detailed than last year. In particular, the highly requested autistic and disabled trends will now be easier to identify. 

Again, all demographics questions are optional.

We highly encourage you to crosspost this survey to any platforms you like.

This includes forums, reddit, chat groups, twitter, social media, youtube, so on and so forth. You are welcome to spread this link far and wide. We will be doing our best to crosspost everywhere we can, but we’re only 6 people. There’s only so far we can reach.

As with last year, data will be compiled and released at 100, 250, 500, and 1000 respondents, then every additional 1000 respondents. 

This survey will be closed at either 15,000 respondents or 31 December 2018, whichever comes first. Until the survey is closed, you are welcome to edit or delete your responses at any time.

As of this posting, the 2017 survey has been closed.

Patreon

Ko-fi

2018 Survey

2017 Results

[queersithhappens]

Half-verbalised thought incoming, but there’s a level of theory I see tossed around a lot when it comes to NB and a-spec issues every so often that seems to fail to take into account the difference between ‘understanding a queer identity’ and ‘having information about the concept’.

The phrasing needs work, but essentially the principle goes thusly: the majority of cisstraight people in Western society do not know what ‘nonbinary’ or ‘asexual’ or ‘aromantic’ mean as identities. If someone comes out as one of those things, there are likely to be many questions along the lines of ‘what does that mean?’, ‘but is that even a thing?’, and other ground-level questions that get very tiring to answer after a while.

This then gets extrapolated to mean that there is no information about the concepts conveyed by those identities - an existence outside ‘man’ and ‘woman’, not experiencing various types of attraction. And so we get statements like ‘the vast majority of people don’t actually hate a-specs, they just don’t know we exist or what to do about us’, ‘all NB people are treated as being the same as either men or women because the cisstraight folk all think that NB people don’t exist’, and other variations on a general theme of ‘we don’t exist to the privileged group which somehow turns all aggression directed at us into miscommunication and misdirected something’.

And this is where my take on the matter veers into speculation, but I don’t think that’s really accurate to the society we live in.

Western society comes with a set of norms that demands all people experiences sexual (and romantic, although the two are folded together and subsumed under the ‘sexual’ aspect often as not) attraction. The above framework focuses on this fact and uses that to say that there is no concept of asexuality or aromanticism in that society.

But it could be argued that by inference, the norms that demand all people experience that attraction also imply that ‘not-people’ do not experience attraction. So even if a lot of cisstraight people, by virtue of not being acquainted with any a-spec people, aren’t in the habit of having to apply their understanding of ‘does not experience attraction’ to other human people that exist, they have a concept of ‘does not experience attraction’.

That concept has damn little to do with the actual lives and experiences of a-spec people, often as not. There’s the whole dehumanisation thing, there’s the conflation of sexual orientation with sexual activity and the wrong assertions that get made from there, there’s our old ‘aro frat boy’ and ‘prudish woman’ stereotypes that serve to control how these traits are allowed to express themselves under heteronormativity, all of which are examples of how society at large conceptualises a lack of attraction in a way that clashes with the actual experiences of a-spec people.

And the fact that these examples are things that many different a-spec people can speak to with a degree of consistency would indicate that they are a systematic, and hence a societal, issue.

One thing that should be noted here is that a-spec people will often have others attempt to force an orientation on them, and it’s unlikely that most of the people who say things like ‘you’re just [x] and weird about sex’ or ‘you’re just gay and in denial’ aren’t thinking ‘oh dear, this person is expressing a sexual orientation that doesn’t fit into the acceptable list of orientations, better bludgeon them into expressing a different one’. Individual people may well not think that a-spec orientations exist. And they’re going to get even more attached to that ‘this doesn’t exist!’ line when an a-spec person says ‘not experiencing attraction isn’t the experience you think it is’, because that’s then a violation of the concept of not experiencing attraction that the cisstraight person has built up.

Maybe that’s a decent summary of what I’ve been floundering after here, actually. It’s not that society doesn’t think we exist, but it doesn’t think we exist like this.

[herefortheace]

Anti-ace/aro shit on this site, an actual problem

Somehow people keep claiming there is no problem with anyone hating aces and aros on this site and particularly in what they call “ace discourse” (but what could often be more accurately renamed to “plain shitting on aces and aros”). So I’ve made another list of some of the shit that’s gone down, except this time with links because apparently that’s the only way to not get dismissed out of hand.

I’ve talked a lot about racism in this mess but I’ve stuck to mostly other stuff this time, because I don’t have the energy to drag up certain shit again (or in other cases don’t want to bring in posts ppl apologized for, or dig through my blog for a long time, or or. Maybe I will add some more shit later. [Though looking over it one more time, there’s actually some considerable stuff here already.])

So, crap the anti-ace/aro crowd on this site has pulled includes but sadly is not at all limited to:

Comparing aces and aros to Trump  (and pretending this is funny)

Comparing aces to Pence 

Comparing aces to Ronald Reagan (and pretending this is funny)

Comparing aces to a literal slave owner

Making fun of aces not being accepted by their parents and of aces finding this upsetting (making it into a crytyping “joke”)

Making aces feel shitty/shaming them for telling their parents they’re ace because it’s supposedly “unnecessary”

Saying if we tell family about being ace, it’s no wonder if they send us to therapy

Doing their best to sexualize the orientations of aces, in so many cases. The link before these two is also connected to that. They treat our orientations like (graphic) details about “our sex lives”, frequently acting like if we want to talk about them ever we’re gross/creepy

This one is also “nice” re sexualizing aces (one of many examples of ppl also engaging in sex-shaming while they’re at it, saying only one’s partner should know anything about one’s “relationships with sex”. Except this person goes kinda even further)

More sexualization, when I say this freaks me out as a WoC, I’m told this white person gives no fucks and wants me to be miserable

Another person who says the identities of aces but also of aros need to stay between them and their Partners because they’re “TMI” and inherently sex-shaming somehow

Oh yeah did I mention, much the same with sexualizing aros and ppl frequently link our identities to misogyny and to using people while they’re at it

Making light and fun of ace WoC asking to not be sexualized because don’t we know aces have done Bad things and so we deserve it/don’t get to complain

One of many examples of white people who hate aces+aros talking over PoC and trying to erase us from our communities (+usually when we call that shit out they don’t care. This is actually one of the more cordial responses I’ve come across despite the lack of apology lol. [Eta: my wording here was misleading before, they weren’t talking to me - I’d also called them on this but they ignored me. Sorry for the confusion!] Also, I have a tag somewhere with several non-black/white ppl who made Rachel Dolezal comparisons to shit on aces/aros). Another example of talking over us here complete with condescendingly lecturing a PoC about racism

People like this saying outright they hate aces

Saying sex ed shouldn’t teach about asexuality

Outright stating they think being ace/aro gives people privilege (because supposedly aces+aros both benefit from conservatives pushing for abstinence)

Outright invalidating the identities of aces (who don’t have the attitude towards sex they think they should have)

Calling asexuals demons

Outright calling aces and aros a “plague” and saying aces/aros regardless of other identities all need to be kicked out of the LGBT+ community.

Erasing the identities of people who speak out against anti-ace/aro shit to declare them “straight” or “cishet” …or saying that treatment is what they get for being “traitors to their own community”

Ignoring the boundaries of aces/aros who have them blocked and don’t want to be vagued to make fun of them …

…or even to continue sexualizing them after they have made it very clear that shit freaks them out (cheerfully doing this to a WoC)

Someone saying asexuality does not exist and “encourages slut shaming”

Spamming the ace positivity tag with vile hate (ppl have talked a lot about how this harms and endangers especially mentally ill ppl)

“aces are embarassing“ in the positivity tag

Posting nsfw content in the ace positivity tag and being completely unapologetic, apparently using the reasoning that our identities are inherently nsfw anyway (see the “TMI discourse” aka people sexualizing our identities)

Calling aces and aros a “sexuality fandom” while pretending we’re a group full of people with every privilege imaginable, bored of being accepted by everyone and of having no Actual Problems in our lives. This kind of nasty erasure constantly goes on and is a big tactic in this mess tbh

Wanting aces to be “exterminated”. For good measure putting this in the ace positivity tag

This disgusting vile shit that I don’t even know how to sum up but it includes wishing death on someone

Talking about wanting aces/aros dead after somehow misunderstanding(?) a post that was very clearly not about asexuality or aromanticism

Graphically telling aces to die

Specifically telling ace kids to kill themselves

Did I mention that many people in this mess have wished death on aces and aros and that they often put it in positivity tags. Some of the most messed up shit I’ve seen is missing because I didn’t reblog/respond to it at the time or can’t find it right now

And I know anons don’t count as hard “proof” for anything but have the less graphic one of the death/rape threats I got  in my inbox for speaking out against anti-ace/aro shit (still kinda eerily detailed though. Not linking the other one because it is extremely graphic)

And the really sad thing is that these are all just examples that I could find relatively quickly. I also left out posts for various reasons, and tried to focus on just really blatant shit and not anything where you need a ton of context, or something “just” on the level of the many people who’ve invalidated asexuality/aromanticism as orientations (declaring them to only ever “modifiers”)

But yeah, a lot of people here? Hate aces and aros a lot and what’s going on is incredibly harmful and toxic and it needs to stop. This is serious shit

[herefortheace]

I had some time and got upset, so here’s more. Mostly just recent stuff, but also a few things I mentioned in passing above but didn’t add links for:

Comparing aces to a literal white supremacist (in the positivity tag)

Again someone invalidating the identities of aces who don’t have the attitude towards sex they think they should have

Sexualizing aros again, not caring about how it affects particularly aro PoC. And here two other ppl sexualizing and demonizing aros, like in posts further above claiming (non-ace) aros just use people for sex (said on positivity post).

Someone sexualizing aces again and engaging in sex-shaming at the same time, as usual with the claim that literally no one but a partner “needs” to know our orientations

Those Rachel Dolezal comparisons I mentioned made by non-black/white people who want to use antiblackness for what they call “ace discourse”? Yeah here is one white person doing it and here is another, even worse example where a white person goes “this is like if I pulled a Rachel D. and put on blackface and used the n-word…” (paraphrasing here). Here is the latter person utterly dismissing me being upset by their antiblackness (because black ppl’s pain only matters when it’s useful)

[For ppl who don’t know: Rachel Dolezal is a white woman who pretended to be black and built her career on it. White people sure as hell do not get to compare this shit to anything that is not antiblackness and use black people’s pain for their own purposes.]

A white person using antiblackness as a weapon against aces and aros in general (aka “ace tumblr”), acting smug regarding how supposedly we’re all so racist and “get triggered” by black people existing. (I am so tired of white ppl using racism as a cheap “gotcha” against aces and aros - groups which include PoC. And who then ignore or belittle PoC who call them out)

White person randomly informing WoC aces/aros can have white privilege

Again someone claiming ace privilege exists and here another person doing it adding to the post further above, claiming aces/aros have privilege for being ace/aro and that this is the case bc people who don’t have sex are privileged (wrong definition of asexuality… also of aromanticism??… and also no. No.)

What I mentioned about ppl telling us asexuality/aromanticism are not orientations but only ever modifiers? It’s happened a lot but here’s one example. And here’s someone outright saying aro aces don’t have an orientation but only modifiers.

Here’s the same person who said aro aces don’t have an orientation later turning around saying the orientation of aro aces is determined by how they behave and who they have sex with.

Another person putting nsfw shit in the ace positivity tag (link is to nsfw text)

And people try really hard to justify despising aces and aros by pointing to shitty people who share our identities/orientations. Honesty is secondary in this. Here you have someone taking a shitty post from an obvious nasty troll blog to say this is why ppl hate aces, and later when having the troll thing pointed out to them saying they already know. The post got over 3k notes.

“asexual shouldn’t even be a way people identify themselves”, with a second person in the thread agreeing

If you’re interested, some way back I also made a link-less post that is important to me talking about how nasty and harmful the racism and erasure of ace and aro PoC in all this has been

People who hate aces and aros and treat us like dirt are not good people, and they’re doing a lot of damage often while claiming none of the above ever happened or defending it. Again, this is serious shit

[herefortheace]

I wish we were done, but have part 3:

Someone saying they hope all aces “get checked out by a doctor” first (holy shit)

Saying asexuality is not a sexuality aka more invalidation like in posts further above

Someone calling aces a “turbo virgin club”, then declaring if an ace gets upset about it this shows their immense privilege

I’m 96% sure this is a troll and/or worse but here’s someone using absolute bullshit reasoning to claim asexuality is an inherently racist/antiblack identity (…on a black person’s post)

Speaking of racism, someone claiming vile crap and utter bullshit about aces including that we are all white

Once again a white person trying to use (extremely vile) antiblackness for so called “ace discourse”

Another incident of a blatant troll post getting nearly 3k notes because people wanted to use it to demonstrate how horrible aces/aros are, since we supposedly made up the fake slur “arobot”. Explanation in link, but basically no, “we” didn’t, it was an ancient pretty blatant troll post.

Again someone linking aromanticism to misogyny and to using people for sex

Someone in our positivity tags basically claiming aces and aros in relationships are selfish leeches who demand things but don’t give anything back. Talking as if we don’t deserve “time, effort, attention and love” and as though people in relationships with us are to be pitied

People spamming the ace positivity tag with nasty negativity and hate (once again)

Someone repeatedly wishing rape and like so often death on aces and aros (among other things) in our positivity tags. This person also put nsfw content there and spammed the tags

Again someone specifically wanting ace kids dead, talking in the positivity tag about hoping they get hit by a bus

After someone in this thread talks about the worry of being sexually assaulted for being ace, a person responds with the vilest victim-blaming, claiming shit like “it is easy to learn how to defend yourself“ and worse that I don’t want to put here. If you want details check the link

A number of screenshots of extremely vile posts, out of which two older ones weren’t listed here before: one is about wanting aces/aros to have “full blown panic attacks” and “cry themselves to sleep” over being marginalized/erased by society;

the other utterly disgustingly talks about wanting aces/aros to face torture and medical experimentation and death (the person brings in concentration camps)

This anon was also among the screenshots just now: extremely graphic torture and death threat I got from someone because they hate all us “ ~uwu~pure~smol~aceys~”. There’s wanting to peel the skin off my body as well as gun violence and sentiments that echo the post above

Since we’re already talking anons, somewhat graphic rape/death threat I got in my inbox, this time using the “dare I say meme” that is frequently employed to shit on aces and aros (still leaving out the most disgustingly graphic threat I’ve received bc I don’t want to link it)

So to reiterate: the anti-ace/aro bullshit on this site is toxic and frequently becomes outright horrifying and it needs to stop. Please take it seriously. Please don’t tolerate it.

[herefortheace]

“I would actually fucking slaughter aces if I could“

Listen this crap is terrifying and at this point I’m just tired. I could add the same sort of shit to this list over and over. Yet there’s still a huge crowd here denying any of this is happening, who’ll come to posts about ppl hating aces and aros to declare that no one does and we’re all just making it up or too clueless to understand what’s Really Being Said, because that’s how they like to paint aces and aros and anyone who supports us. It’s unbelievable and so so horrible and draining.

It needs to stop. I hate putting this negative crap on ppl’s dash but what’s going on is just so harmful and there’s not much else to do about it I can think of. Aside from people condescendingly explaining to us all the time none of this is happening (or outright calling us liars the moment we don’t put the links directly on a post and claiming we’re making this all up to make other aces/aros feel unsafe holy shit), I’ve also had ppl come to this very post saying it’s just “mean words on the Internet” so I shouldn’t talk about -isms here and ppl literally wishing us dead.

Please help get word around that this is happening and a serious issue if you can? (But also if you can’t please don’t feel bad about that)

[herefortheace]

Because shit got too vile and I got too angry, have a proper next part of this post:

Someone saying ppl only get to headcanon extremely privileged characters as ace/aro

Someone spouting the incredible, unironic line: “isn’t that the point of being ace?? to desexualize yourself??“ 

Telling aces to date non-aces otherwise they’re automatically abusive for “taking sex away” from their partners (holy shit)

As I mentioned, if we speak about the anti-ace/aro shit on this site, ppl love to try and shut us up by coming to our posts acting like we don’t know what we’re talking about or are deliberately lying for example because they’ve not personally seen what we’re talking about, and they can get really utterly horrible about it

Someone making up an insult (”stiff”) for aces to mean “a prude who cant keep their trap shut abt it “ (the person also posted a screenshot of a dictionary entry of the word in the positivity tag where “a dead body” is listed as one of the definitions)

Same person saying aromantic means “a boring person nobody will ever love”

Yet another person sexualizing aces, making fun of how supposedly we constantly talk about wanting to “fuck”… and about wanting to be led around on a leash in public

Two people defending hating all aces and comparing this to statements about privileged groups like white people, because ace/aro privilege I guess

A white person mocking me having experienced racism in “ace discourse” while heavily implying I must be lying (while demanding proof and no I’m not saying asking me for links is the problem)

Another person outright defending hating aces, except it’s okay and not bigotry according to them because it’s… not our existence that’s the problem but us existing as aces?? 

I’m tired this is all incredibly nasty and vile can it just stop please and can people at long last stop denying it’s happening to silence us and paint us as a group made up of completely ignorant people and liars?? Aces and aros are actual human beings who deserve to be treated as such and this should not need to be said - let alone so many times holy shit

[herefortheace]

Saying ace/aro identities belong in the DSM

And also a post I really want to talk about that made me add to this post again:

Saying asexual/aromantic people are “weird” and “ugly as fuck” and we id as ace/aro because “no one wants us” (I got an extremely vile anon once that made a similar “argument” and this line of thought is neither new nor harmless)

The thing about this post that makes it especially horrible and made me put it here almost right away? The notes. There are tons of people who responded to that post with approval and if you check, you’ll see them acting like aces/aros being treated like this and getting upset about it is just one big joke. There are many people going “lol that’s mean but true” and “lmao careful they’ll use this as proof they’re oppressed haha” (paraphrased)  and otherwise talking nasty shit about aces and aros. This is fucking vile and the kind of shit you’d expect from anti-sjws, but nope, “ace discourse” everyone

Someone saying ace awareness week should not be a thing because they’re already “painfully” aware we exist

Did I mention when we talk about any of this people immediately in big numbers rush to silence us, dismissing and mocking us out of hand and painting us as hysterical liars who “just wanna be oppressed“ because who gives a shit about aces/aros saying they’re being harmed

As a bonus, let’s return to the anons for a moment, which I’ve not talked about much before:

Someone telling me to die after I made more posts calling this sort of anti-ace/aro shit out

Someone telling me they want to ally with conservatives and shoot me and also other aces, calling aces a “plague”

Someone telling me sending the above to a black person has nothing to do with racism, and also that asexuality is a symptom of mental illness/trauma that needs to be corrected, not a sexuality. They tell me to “get fucked” so I’ll be fixed

Right after these asks I also got a nazi in my inbox (”88″ is nazi code). Make of that what you will

Another person coming to my inbox calling aces a plague and wanting us all dead

“Tumblr aces are deserving of every drop of loathing they get”

And now back once more to the posts people actually put their blog names on (aka most posts by far on this list, so no one skimming better try to claim this is primarily about anons just because I put a few in)…

Reacting to hateful vile anons by claiming we must have sent them to ourselves (why? because they say so), such as graphic anon rape/death threats. Nasty on so many levels and encourages people who hate us further to send shit like that

Again: people are dehumanizing us on a level that after all this time is still disheartening and frankly horrifying, even trying to use us speaking out against it as more “proof” that we don’t deserve to be talked to and about like people. When we’re not getting creepy and terrifying comments and threats, we’re being treated like pests and jokes and people who can be justifiably hurt for entertainment, or who can not even be signigicantly hurt in the first place

Treating aces and aros like real human beings is not fucking optional

[herefortheace]

People thinking it’s appropriate to tell a black ace woman (me lol) she has an “oppression fetish” just based on her minority orientation, in response to her asking ppl to not do EXACTLY that

Someone comparing asexuality to a kink to mock the idea of and paint as gross aces talking to family or anyone not involved in “their sex life” about their orientation

Same person in a wild post calling all aces “demons” (as ppl keep doing)

Someone not only as so often comparing aces to Trump with a moodboard, but also including the word “fascism” in ace colors in it (this is an older post)

Someone coming up with the wild conspiracy theory that people upset by aphobia (along with inclusionists) are actually largely the alt-right trying to disrupt activist communities wtf I can not make this shit up  (the person being ace themselves does not make this better or any less anti-ace/aro. This is fucking vile)

Someone mocking all aces by calling us “aceys” and talking about wanting to fight us, and another person approving of this and calling aces speaking out against it “dumb” and my legitimate anger “cute”. Also apparently being upset by this at all means I’ve “deluded” myself into thinking I’m oppressed

Same person who said the above claiming aro aces are somehow straight

Mocking aro terminology and aros for calling their partners (who they may or may not be married to) anything but “friends”

People (once again) painting aros as monsters who by virtue of being aro treat their partners without basic respect and decency. Also making aro identities all about wanting to “fuck” people without loving them, or caring about them in any shape or form. This shit is both sexualizing our identities (as usual) and nasty as hell in general

Another person outright saying they hate aces and trying to justify this by comparing it to venting about a privileged group, as if ace privilege exists rather than asexuality being a minority orientation

Someone (as too many ppl have done) comparing aces to “incels”, dangerous misogynists who are frequently rape apologists/rapists

Silencing tactics still include viciously mocking aces/aros speaking out against any of this shit and painting us as irrational, Senselessly Angry, and evil like in this bullshit “parody” post of what I (and two others?) have supposedly been saying. Apparently when I make posts like this one, that is what the OP gets from that… somehow. People keep doing shit like this to me, and painting black women as hysterical and angry for no reason when we’re legitimately upset is not a new move?

While we’re on the topic of antiblackness and misogynoir, remember how ppl love to send me graphic anon threats? Yeah this person purosely invoked the image of lynchings while doing so, aware themselves it’s racist and admitting they don’t care, as long as they can tell a black person they’d like to “hang me from a tree” and then also all other ace ppl, because “ace discourse” has proven to them we’re evil apparently

It’s 2018 can this shit fucking stop already. Also can ppl actually take this seriously and not keep supporting or shrugging off people who spew anti-ace/aro crap please, I’m really really tired of a lot of ppl on this site acting like our existence is a fucking joke

[herefortheace]

People keep acting as if being absolutely horrible to aces and aros, frequently combined with misogyny/racism/ableism and other extremely vile shit, is cute and somehow progressive, so here we go again. I’m tired.

Saying there’s somethong “wrong” with aces and aros and that we need to get professional help, and that our orientations are “unnatural”. There’s way too much pathologization among these links

Comparing aces to Ayn Rand, a racist rape apologist among other things. Apparently it makes for a fun moodboard about how we’re evil (and hate poor people?? wtf)

Once again someone comparing aces to incels (for some reason people love associating aces with misogynists, rape apologists and rapists, hmm)

Someone sexually harassing a user for simply saying to ignore/block aphobes, putting extremely explicit sexual content into the post’s notes, very possibly trying to deliberately trigger the OP. This is disgusting af

Someone saying asexuality isn’t a real sexuality (again)

As usual someone putting negativity in the ace positivity tag like we don’t deserve to have positivity - this time about how we’re “idiot aces” and all “cishet”

Talking about how this masterpost that, you know, has literal death threats on it and not few of them is hilarious

Here we have someone after being linked to this masterpost defending the Ronald Reagan and Trump moodboards (while completely ignoring all the other shit on this list)

Someone spewing the old bullshit notion that conservatives love aces for our supposed “celibacy”, with the typical implication of ace privilege or at least the idea that being ace makes those of us belonging to various oppressed groups less oppressed (or that we don’t exist at all lol)

Here’s an older post where someone cruelly made fun of an anon on an ace blog non wanting to get a pap test, presuming it’s due to internalized oppression and treating that as funny and inherently mock-worthy (the post got lots of approving notes at the time), because haha aces “valuing their virginity more than their health”, even though 1) the anon said nothing of the sort and 2) even if they had, people not wanting to get health care due to messed up ideas surrounding “virginity” is not funny either. (And this sort of ridicule is nowhere near comparable to correcting actual misinformation)

Making Kylo Ren ace/aro moodboards because aside from real life fascists it’s fun to compare us to fictional ones

Since we’re on the topic, another, older post that has a lot of people comparing aces to various fictional abusers, mass murderers, fascists, etc., “joking” about how these are the characters we can have as “ace representation”. And then ppl going “lol it’s just a joke haha silly aces not getting the concept of humor” in typical bigot fashion, something the anti-ace/aro crowd does A LOT

Meanwhile once when I in response to someone comparing aros to Voldemort (based on him being incapable of love) made an aro-spec Hermione positivity post using the same meme the Voldemort post had used, emphasizing her good qualities/sense of justice, a whole wild mess happened that included people making jokes about (house elf) slavery on my aka a black woman’s positivity post and calling one of the most commonly hc-ed as black characters demonic and equating her to Taylor Swift… for among other things the evil trait of having an issue with, you know, slavery.

(Later a white person tried to in a separate post paint me as hysterical/irrational for getting upset about this, completely [and deliberately] erasing the fact that it was about race at all in that retelling of things. Not that it’s not bullshit and extremely telling to gleefully heap negativity on a positivity post like this in general, but damn.)

But back to comparing us to real life fascists, someone literally said “cishet asexuals act almost identical to white supremacists and nazis” because saying this about a minority orientation which includes aces TARGETED by white supremacists isn’t fucked up at all I’m done

For the xth time someone outright saying they hate aces

Here we get tons of misogynoir again from someone making a sort of Nicki Minaj ace moodboard that compares ace inclusionism to her breasts/”silicone implants“, and someone else approving of how hilarious that supposedly is. It’s pretty fucking gross tbh, the OP even put it in the Nicki Minaj tag 

Fitting in with the above nicely: someone suggesting that subsets of aces and aros be called “breeders” (this is an older post)

Calling asexuality and aromanticism “cults” and comparing them to scientology among a ton of other vile shit including once again pathologization

Calling (non-ace) aros “objectifying assholes”

More demonization of aros, claiming as so often that being aro is the same as fetishizing and using people

Once again someone calling aces (or well just ace girls this time because misogyny is fun) ugly and claiming we’re all white (because racism is also fun)

I’d thought by now it might be unnecessary to add to this, but people are STILL denying this is happening and STILL get really really angry about anyone bringing attention to it because a core part of their narrative is that aces and aros just love whining about nothing

Aces and aros are not an inherently privileged group, and we’re sure as hell not a group based on some sort of evil ideology (or “a cult” wtf).

We’re people sharing a minority orienation, in many cases belonging to various oppressed groups, and it’s still not optional to treat us like fucking human beings.

[queersithhappens]

A great deal of the mediocre attempts at solidarity and support both here and in other quarters could be improved a great deal if people would consistently remember the ‘show, don’t tell’ principle.

I realise not everyone is a writer, but it might be a useful idea to apply.

‘X group of people is valid!’ is ‘telling’. It does nothing to actually make a space welcoming for that group. A great many people will express this type of validation while continuing to support theories and ideology that are directly harmful to X group.

Since it’s the thirteenth of February today, I’ll use a specific example: ‘aro-spec people are valid!’ is a nice message, but it rings a little hollow when the people saying it continue to hold up romantic relationships as the centre of the human experience, go on about ‘soulmates’ (please do not) and offer V Day ‘consolation positivity’ where ‘you’ll find the perfect partner for you!’ is a substantial portion of the content.

(No, I’m definitely not bitter, what makes you say that? /s)

Actually addressing those amatonormative (in this example) actions and adjusting to make the space more welcoming? That’s showing solidarity. It’s far more effective, and if you do it in good faith and with some commitment, it’s rather unlikely to leave your aro-spec acquaintances feeling neglected, bitter and/or distrustful of your support.

[queersithhappens]

Validation is an important tool in supporting marginalised communities and people. In a situation where our experiences are denied, minimised or excused on a large scale, being able to reassure each other that our experiences are as we say they are and that we have a real understanding of ourselves is crucial.

This does not make validation a substitute for actually addressing the denial, minimisation and excusing of harm done to us.

Affirming that how we are misread and misgendered by others does not invalidate our gender identity does not mean that the person misgendering us due to misreading our presentation is not performing a transantagonistic act. Validation, in this context, is an affirmation that we are the authority on our own experience (of gender, in this case), and that the person misgendering us is in fact wrong to do so.

To suggest that misgendering of this nature is acceptable because ‘however you present, your gender or lack thereof is valid’ overlooks the cause of the distress experienced in favour of focusing only on the symptom, the feeling of invalidation and disrespect.

In a situation where one is dealing with being misgendered due to presentation on a regular basis, validation of this kind may be useful in helping one to retain a sense of confidence in one’s identity.

But it does not do anything to address the underlying problem, in this example the problem being the fact that it is commonly deemed acceptable to gender people based on their presentation.

As such, validation cannot be allowed to take the place of critical discussion of oppressive norms in society. It is not useful to insert commentary about how one’s gender identity is not invalidated by other people’s misgendering in a conversation about how a given situation involving misgendering is transantagonistic.

TL;DR: Talking about how and why certain acts are antagonistic is how we make plans to change things for the better. Validation is how we survive in the meantime. They have two very different purposes and should not be confused.

[miseriathome]

Bear with me, I’m on a lot of coffee and it’s making it really hard to dampen my nd feels. But I really hate the idea that seeing connections is ridiculous and fantastical.

Somebody was talking about how an author was comparing historical movements against women reading novels with ones against their masturbation, but their attitude seemed to strongly imply that they thought it was a really far reach. Which?????? Those things are literally conceptually-bound! The policing of women’s right to privacy is so integral to so many social structures, including capitalism!! This is the very opposite of a reach, because it’s such an obvious connection to make once you’ve really come to understand how the social sciences think!

Like? People get so angry about comparisons because they think they’re delegitimizing and lose sight of the ~real~ individuality of each issue. Which reads to me like some individualist society crap, like every single thing ever has to be unique and totally separated from all else. But there’s some awesome politics to be had in recognizing similarities! That’s liberationism, is the understanding that things are conceptually bound as a result of originating from the same oppressive social structures!! That’s literally sympathy!! Understanding that some things resemble other things, even if they’re not the same!

People are so scared to make claims in this political climate–especially those who are conscious of social justice issues. If you make the wrong claim, you commit a terrible sin against entire groups of people/cultures/ideologies. So every single thing has to be taken at face value… scope narrows and narrows and narrows and we’re left with nothing that can possibly bridge the gap between our differences. And everyone is isolated and nobody wants to have new ideas. But I want to have new ideas? And make mistakes??? Like!! Let’s make the broadest, most fantastical claims we can think of! We can use our imaginations and play with our conceptualizations of the world! And then when we have a better understanding of our own biases and assumptions, we can talk about all kinds of really cool, nuanced, different shit!

[aphobephobe]

A-spec unity is important. We are related communities, and we have a lot in common. We should be allies to each other. Our communities need to support and lift up the others - aromisia and acemisia in either community is not good.*

To be completely honest, the acespec community as a whole is larger and more recognized. The arospec community has been left behind in a lot of those efforts, which can easily make a lot of us bitter. We don’t get representation or recognition from a lot of groups that accept acespec people. It’s enough to make any of us frustrated with the lack of a-spec solidarity.

However.

People need to stop blaming aroaces (or grayaroaces, demiaroaces, etc.) for this divide. And people need to stop telling us that it’s our responsibility to sacrifice the things we need to support allo aros or allo aces. 

It is not our job to sacrifice representation to appease one group or the other.

It is not our job to remind everyone that being aroace is not the default.

It is not our job to accept being othered in our own damn communities because “we already have support from the other community”. (Hint: we don’t.)

It is not our job to ensure that our two communities stand in solidarity and support the other like they should. 

It is not our job to call out aromisia or acemisia in ace or aro communities respectively unless we wish to.

We are not privileged over allo aro/allo ace people. 

Don’t throw aroace people under the bus in an attempt to end intracommunity problems or dismantle stereotypes. We aren’t a mythical being or a fictional trope that you can assail and no one gets hurt.

We are real people who deserve respect and love from both of our communities. 

* Sidenote: aromisia/acemisia are alternatives for arophobia/acephobia.

[queersithhappens]

Hmm. Maybe the problem that arises with argument from identity (ie. ‘I am a member of x identity group so I know what I’m talking about and if you question me in any way you are disregarding the fact that I am from x identity group even if you yourself are also part of x identity group’) lies in the fact that it gets conflated with argument from experience.

In discussing experiences of oppression, talking about the experiences we have is quite important. It’s our primary data set, after all. So when someone says ‘I am part of x identity group and I have these experiences related to my being part of x identity group’, that is something we should listen to and consider when we discuss the theory of how that kind of oppression manifests and how we should attempt to counteract that oppression.

Identity does not, irritatingly, have a 1:1 correlation with experiences. Within any given identity, the diversity of people will be broad enough that the other qualities they possess will impact their interaction with the common denominator, and the response to the common denominator identity will vary from place to place and social group to social group.

This complicates theory conversations a great deal, because discussions about social groups often rely on generalisations that do not always hold true and can prove harmful in those instances.

Argument from identity as described above gains a veneer of credibility due to the fact that argument from experience tends to also include the ‘I have experienced this due to being part of x identity group’ statement, but argument from identity in and of itself does not constitute a description of experience that is useful in a conversation.

The ‘even if you yourself are also part of x identity group’ part in my description of argument from identity is often not stated outright, but argument from identity when used against someone else who shares that identity tends to carry that implication. Sometimes people who share an identity will have differing opinions and different experiences. This is to be expected. A difference in opinion does not by itself mean that anyone is disregarding the other individual’s identity.

(In discussing oppression under a kyriarchal society, one also ends up contending with internalised oppressive ideas, which are not magically eradicated because one happens to be part of x identity group, further complicating the task of discerning whether a particular argument presented by a member of x identity group is useful in the conversation happening.)

I would speculate that argument from identity often constitutes an incomplete example of argument from experience, where the intended implication may be ‘I am part of x group and have experiences relevant to this’. It makes sense not to always detail every aspect of one’s experiences as a member of x group, since that lengthens conversations unnecessarily in situations where the relevant information is already understood.

(This may often be the case in a situation where a member of x identity group is speaking to someone who is not part of x group, where it can be understood that person in x identity group has experience with that identity that the other person does not. This still runs into a problem of leaving person from x identity group as a representative of a non-homogeneous group, which is not ideal, but that’s a broader problem and one that deserves separate analysis.)

But in intracommunity discussion we have to acknowledge that having x identity does not make us the most qualified person in the conversation, and other people can have other opinions while still having an equally valid claim to x identity.

Summary:

Identity is not a good basis for an argument; experience is

Identity may be substituted for experience in certain contexts in order to speed up communication

This gets inappropriately applied in intracommunity discussions in a way that devalues other parties’ identities

A differing opinion or different experiences are not in and of themselves an invalidation of the speaker’s identity

[grungegoths]

Literally 75% of the aphobic posts here can be attributed to : “im a non ace person who has a vague idea about what asexuality is from the textposts of non ace popular tumblr funnymen™ dragging cringey asexual blogs, the same 5 screenshots of some ace bloggers being homophobic(even tho like 2 of them were proved to be trolls pretending to be asexual to make ace ppl look bad) and some badly sourced and multiple times debunked masterposts about why asexuality isnt real and asexuals dont belong in lgbt community and Im gonna blindly believe what some non ace lgbt elders™ say about asexuality without taking into account the actual experiences of actual older ace people and gonna repeat the same debunked arguments about how ace people hav internalized homophobia ,asexuality is a creation of MOGAI tumblr which is leading teenagers astray and the LGBT community has always been about battling homophobia n transphobia while ignoring the BASIC knowledge that  1.Gay/bi/lesbian asexuals exist. 2.There are aces around the world who have identified as ace without being on tumblr and without knowing about MOGAI tumblr and 3.The LGBT community throughout history has been divided and brought together multiple times from gay and lesbian community being different,trans people being excluded and bi people not considered “fully lgbt” because of being “straight passing” and only in the recent years the LGBT community has become about battling homophobia and transphobia.”  And its quite ridiculous tbh

[balioc]

When you’re writing your posts about the anomie of modern individualistic atomized existence, and talking about how we need to find some more-communitarian more-interconnected more-tribal-level mode of life…please remember what tribes are actually like.

Tribes are, basically, big families.  You know how families work, probably.  You were probably raised in one.

And – don’t get me wrong – there are many great things about families.  It is cool that, due to the power of collective identity, resources can be distributed in a literally final-stage-communist fashion with very little friction.  It is cool that you can get to know everyone super well, and keep an accurate map of all the relationships.  It is cool that people care about you, no fooling, they really care about you, they are not going to drop you just because you’ve become inconvenient or whatever. 

Nonetheless.  Somehow, I’m betting that most of you fled from the bosom of your families in order to go live out in the big cold atomized impersonal individualistic world, and you’re not exactly champing at the bit to go back. 

Because there are costs, and they are crushing.  Families do not understand, cannot understand, personal boundaries.  The counterbalance to “your family will always care about you” is “your family will feel free to use and remake every part of your existence.”  Families are places where every point of incompatibility or tension will be rubbed raw until it bleeds and festers, because people can’t just agree to leave each other alone.  Families subordinate your dreams to their own collective ambitions and values.  Families run Every. Single. Thing. through a system of manipulative personal politics. 

Different people have different levels of tolerance for such things, and so the individualism / tribalism tradeoff plays out differently in every case.  But if you’re reading this, I am prepared to bet money that you really really really benefit from the advantages of social individualism, no matter how much loneliness and anomie you might be feeling. 

Squaring this circle is super hard.  It is one of my major long-term intellectual projects.  Finding a system that combines “people really care about each other in a reliable fashion” and “resources get shared in a non-stupid way” with “people will respect your individual preferences/ambitions” and “people have the space not to impinge upon each other intolerably” is…well, it may be impossible, and if it’s possible I’m pretty sure no one’s figured it out yet.  But I’m betting that, at such time as we do figure it out, it’s not going to look anything like segmentary communitarianism. 

[balioc]

OK, I’m rereading this, and I should add an addendum, because this is important and I feel bad about eliding it earlier.

For those of you who are, e.g., raising children or planning to do so: my point is definitely not that all (nuclear) family environments are psychologically horrible.  It is not even that it is impossible to have a (nuclear) family that shows respect for its members’ individual autonomy, etc.  You can definitely do those things.  I have seen people who do.  Those people are heroes.

But it is so costly!  It is so difficult!  God, it is one of the hardest and most expensive projects ever undertaken by man.  It basically entails saying “we are going to pour all our resources into one or two or three children, we are going to give them claims on every part of us, and we are going to ask nothing in return.  We are going to strip our souls and our bank accounts bare for people whom we fully expect may up and leave us because they will want to live their own lives and pursue their own dreams.”

Most families are not capable of this.  Most families aren’t trying for this.  Most families expect payment in devotion for their care, according to the ancient tribal logic.  And the bigger and more extended your family is, the stronger the pull of that tribal logic will be.

[shabbytigers]

(referring to the original post but keeping the addendum) I know it’s a Tumblr cliche, but: someone finally said it.

Also, local communities will inevitably be crushing to some in the same way as nuclear families are, even though both are net good things. Any system in which you have to rely on the personal favor of the people immediately around you for basic resources is going to be capable of thoroughly screwing anyone who deviates from the local norm. I have a very strong leave-me-alone-and-get-out-of-my-business drive and for most people with that temperament libertarianism has obvious appeal, and I get that, but ultimately this isexactly why I favor centralized distribution of essential survival needs on a universal entitlement basis. Large-scale centralized systems need to be impersonal, they need to apply to everyone, and that means that in the worst-case scenario, where you drew a bad card in the birth lotto and your family or the local elders are terrible and toxic and abusive and hate you for your nature etc, you as a member of the greater society still have recourse. I’m as suspicious of left-anarchist models that rely solely on mutual aid and solidarity as I am of these tribal utopias [sic as hell] you see proposed by ethnotraditionalists.

[grimnirs-child]

Also, families and tight-knit communities have a tendency to circle the wagons to protect each other - which can lead to admirable acts of taking care of their people who are suffering. But the same impulse/principle leads to the hushing up of abuse and the ostracising of whistleblowers. When your life and identity is all tied up in a community [be it a family, a friendship group, an organisation …] the desire to protect that community and its in-group can be incredibly strong, certainly stronger than giving a fair hearing to someone from outside or someone who seems to be just trying to fuck things up for everyone.

Communities almost always punish non-conformity also. Even terribly right-on “radical” spaces full of people who think they are non-conformist. There are always unwritten rules of acceptable behaviour and opinion that if you break, will get you static or ostracised. Some of these are going to be reasonable, some might not be, but ultimately even people who do seriously antisocial or harmful things need to be able to access resources and have recourse to the functions of greater society, eg get law enforcement to stop people stalking them.

Having communities is a good thing, but organising your society around them or making that the most important thing in your society is … a flawed approach.

[terror-billie]

“Large-scale centralized systems need to be impersonal, they need to apply to everyone, and that means that in the worst-case scenario, where you drew a bad card in the birth lotto and your family or the local elders are terrible and toxic and abusive and hate you for your nature etc, you as a member of the greater society still have recourse.”

THIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS this this this

[queersithhappens]

I think there’s a distinction that warrants making, in talking about ‘ace dis/course’ and other exclusionist movements, between ‘remaining neutral’ and ‘not engaging’.

Some people try to defend a decision to remain neutral with ‘I shouldn’t have to be dragged into it’, and that is a reasonable enough statement by itself. I don’t let myself get dragged into it beyond the occasional post that includes a modicum of grumping about it, because I know that will not be good for my health.

But I am not neutral on the issue. I have very strong convictions about the issue. If someone has to come ask my main blog what the local policy on ace dis/course is, I am going to tell them that exclusionism is BS and I operate on a policy of no-platforming exclusionists. Even if I do not make a point of engaging with the bad arguments that exclusionists put out, I still have a position, I am not neutral.

And not engaging is an understandable decision. As noted, it’s one I have to make for the sake of my mental health.

But remaining neutral, in the face of the hatred and vileness that comes of exclusionist movements, is not so innocuous. To proclaim neutrality is essentially to say that what the exclusionist movement inflicts on its targets is not bad enough to take a stand against. Not exactly a morally upstanding statement to make.

So maybe think about whether ‘I don’t want to engage’ is a defence of your position or an evasion of responsibility for your neutrality.

[sarahsyna]

I always wonder what the fuck benefit anti-MOGAI fucks think they’re bringing to the LGBTQ+ community. Whose minds do they think they’re changing by saying “it’s okay to mock, belittle, and abuse people if you think they’re weird and don’t understand their genders or orientations!”

Like, are they expecting some homophobic or transphobic bigot to be like “oh, well, I hated you because you’re a lesbian or whatever, but because you called that poor silly confused woman a special snowflake MOGAI faker, my eyes are opened”?

Exclusionists of any kind may try to pretend like they’re “the good ones” of the LGBTQ+ community, the “logical” “coherent” identities that are somehow supporting it by decimating it, but as long as they support and revel in mocking and hurting anyone that’s seen as ‘weird’, they’re giving all cisstraights ~*~LGBT~*~ endorsed permission to treat every LGBTQ+ person like shit.

It doesn’t matter how much of a pick-me you are towards the cisstraights you’re trying so hard to assimilate with, to them you’re always just to be just as much a freak as the rest of us thanks to your own damn actions.

[transgenderadvicegroup-deactiva]

Names for Trans People

Lately we have been getting a lot of asks about how to pick your name as a trans person. 

Since naming yourself is a very personal choice, we won’t be able to tell you exactly what your name should be. This is something you should think through. There’s no rush. Find some names you like (whether from a book, a movie, a video game, real life, or based on your birth name), and figure out which you like the best! You can practice using them online or with a close friend. 

Below we’ll include some links for resources for people looking for a new name!

Feminine Names

Old fashioned girl names

Baby Girl Names

More Baby Girl Names

Even More Baby Girl Names

Nature Names

Masculine Names

Old fashioned

Hyper-masculine

Nature-Names

Classic Boy Names

Neutral Names

Old Fashioned

Lots of Neutral Names

More Unisex Names and Their Meanings

Everybody

LGBT+ Icon Names

More LGBT Icons

Names popular in 2017

Popular Names in the year you were born

Popular names the year you were born (kind of an annoying link)

Blogs for Name Help

@name-association

@name-ramblings

@trans-names-help

@trans-names

@transnameswap

@transnameadvice

@transnamesuggestions

@find-your-new-name