LUCK OF THE IRISH

Sgt. Quinn McCarthy, 2ic to Shadow Company's Alpha fireteam. Yes, I've heard all the Leprechaun jokes before. NSFW COD RP Blog

[quinnoftheshadow-blog]

@irishlass continued from here [x]

Originally posted by tahmohrocksmyworld

I waited for you. The words cut through him like a knife. He’d always known that she would somehow, but the thought of his baby sister waiting and crying over him had always been to painful to dwell on, so he’d pushed it back just like everything else. Now all that regret and emotion was coming back to the forefront of his mind, flooding his senses all at once. How could he even begin to explain? Did a part of Pru even want to listen to him? None of these questions threatened to have any answers for him any time soon. 

“I knew you would.” His mouth was dry when he finally spoke the words, his tongue moving to attempt to moisten his lips. “For what’s its worth I almost came back… so many feckin’ times. But I just…” His voice trailed off, his hands gesticulating hopelessly. He still had no idea where to even start. 

“Is twenty years too late for a cup of tea?” He shrugged, nodding his head behind her in an attempt to ask her to let him in. It was a weak attempt at a joke, but in truth the kind of talk they needed to have didn’t belong on the street, not like this. “I can answer your questions… explain myself, if that’s what you want. But just don’t ask me to turn my back on you again.”

[irishlass-blog1]

She’d intended for her words, her truth, to hurt him, but seeing the blows fall… it wasn’t satisfying. The vindictive part of her that usually got a kick out seeing the ones who’d caused her grief lay dormant as Quinn stumbled over his words, trying to explain himself. Despite her knowing why he’d left, and him knowing why he’d left - it wasn’t something that could easily be justified in a few short sentences.

And that begged the question - was she willing to let him try and explain it in more than that?

Pru let the time stretch out between them as she took her time deciding, though deep down she already knew what her decision would be. She hadn’t revealed herself to her big brother just to slam the door in his face, and seeing him now… with that desperate look in his eye? Pru knew that turning him away wasn’t an option.

“I never asked you to turn your back on me the first time, Quinn,” she finally said, grateful that the emotional strain in her voice didn’t cause it to crack. Slowly shifting to give him some space, she swiped the wetness from her face. “But I guess it’s not too late, to hear you out at least. You’ll have to do with water, though. Damn power company cut my electricity. Something about not paying the bill…”

[quinnoftheshadow-blog]

That statement hurt, a fresh stab right in the gut. She hadn’t said it out of malice, or at least he hadn’t got that impression, but the truth of it was painful enough. That same pain had been the reason he never even said goodbye to her first time around, because he’d been so incapable of watching her crumble right before his eyes. 

Not that Pru was about to do that now. She was strong, sturdy, not falling to pieces like him. Maybe she was more prepared for this than he was or maybe she simpler was stronger, Quinn didn’t know. He could hear the emotion in her voice, could also hear how she controlled it so well. In that instant he was equally both proud and heartbroken. Even with tears softly falling down her face, Pru was still in control, still the one calling the shots. It was evidence that the innocent, naive little sister he’d left behind was well and truly gone. 

“Water is fine.” He ducked inside gratefully, slipping past her into the hallway so that she could close the door behind him, thankful at least to be out of the rain. He clumsily began to shrug off his own, drenched jacket, but his large frame in the narrow corridor made it awkward. “And I’m not trying to buy your forgiveness... but if you need your bills taking care of, I can help with that.” His voice was sheepish and unsure. He knew deep down that it wasn’t his place to offer, but at the same time the thought of her living without water or electricity was something he hated even more than the thought of offending her. “Living on an army base has it’s advantages, I guess.”

[quinnoftheshadow-blog]

What's so great about Sam?

“I’m guessin’ this isn’t a question about her best attributes as squad leader, right? 

Look... Sam is, she’s feckin’ exceptional, y’know? Not just as a soldier. She’s my other half, in every sense of the word. We’re two sides of the same coin, from different worlds and different mindsets but that’s just what keeps us strong. 

Sam’s my best friend and she was that years before we ever became anything more. She can be harsh sometimes, clinical even, but when it comes to the people she loves, she isn’t shy about showing it. Her friends are her life and that’s something we’ve got in common. She’s no good about talking about her feelings or anything like that, but its then when you realise that she can only ever be genuine with you when she finally does show you how much she cares. 

I feckin’ love her, OK? It’d take me forever to explain all the ways why.”

[quinnoftheshadow-blog]

@irishlass continued from here [x]

I waited for you. The words cut through him like a knife. He’d always known that she would somehow, but the thought of his baby sister waiting and crying over him had always been to painful to dwell on, so he’d pushed it back just like everything else. Now all that regret and emotion was coming back to the forefront of his mind, flooding his senses all at once. How could he even begin to explain? Did a part of Pru even want to listen to him? None of these questions threatened to have any answers for him any time soon. 

“I knew you would.” His mouth was dry when he finally spoke the words, his tongue moving to attempt to moisten his lips. “For what’s its worth I almost came back... so many feckin’ times. But I just...” His voice trailed off, his hands gesticulating hopelessly. He still had no idea where to even start. 

“Is twenty years too late for a cup of tea?” He shrugged, nodding his head behind her in an attempt to ask her to let him in. It was a weak attempt at a joke, but in truth the kind of talk they needed to have didn’t belong on the street, not like this. “I can answer your questions... explain myself, if that’s what you want. But just don’t ask me to turn my back on you again.”

[quinnoftheshadow-blog]

@irishlass continued from here [x]

Quinn had genuinely believed that it was possible to outrun your past and all it’s daemons. He’d been doing it for twenty years after all, pretending that his family no longer had any power or weight in his life. He didn’t speak about them with anyone but Sam, didn’t even do that often because looking back... it was just too painful. Looking back meant facing the damage he’d caused, thinking of the little girl he’d left behind when he’d been little more than a kid himself. It hurt too much to look back, to think about what had become of her, to even begin to imagine how much she’d hated him. 

What life could he have given her, really? How could a fifteen year old boy, on the run from everything he knew have offered someone so small? There would have been so many questions, so many whispers, Hell, they might have found themselves lost in the system and split apart anyway. So he’d left her, left her with a family who he hated, who he knew she would likely grow up to hate herself. She’d already started to question them, even back then when she was so young. She always had been so sharp for her age after all. 

He loved her still, in a way that only a big brother could. When he allowed himself quiet moments, he’d think about her, write to her, sending letter after letter and never once receiving a reply. He’d talk idly like he was still there, would write of his deployments and training in the army. Sometimes he’d just tell her over and over how he loved her, how he was sorry. And sometimes he’d tell her to stay strong, to keep being the person she wanted to be, no matter who that was. Those letters were the hardest to write. 

He knew she hated him and in truth, how could she not? But he kept writing the letters, didn’t care that she might never read them, that they might be tore up or burnt without ever being opened. Because he owed this to her, this small thing. She didn’t deserve for him to give up on her again. 

The locket was tight in his fist now, the metal pressing an imprint into his palm. It was raining, fine drizzle that clung to his leather jacket. The street in front of him opened up in an orange glow, a haze of low lying mist hanging in the air. Everything felt surreal, wrong in a way, like he was walking through a dream he didn’t quite understand. The locket had merely said a time and a place, but as soon as Chris had handed it to him he’d understood that it was her, that it could only be her. Inside alongside the note was an old photo of their grandmother, an heirloom in their family. His mother had promised it to Pru and in their family, promises were not something that were broken lightly. 

When she came to answer the door there was no doubt in Quinn’s mind. It was Pru, a grown woman yet still with those distinct eyes that he’d missed for so long. She was beautiful, her face difficult to read as she looked at him. His entire body froze, his fists clenching at his sides. He wanted to reach out and hold her, but he knew that he couldn’t. 

“Pru?” The question in his voice was totally pointless, but he still found himself speaking the words, his voice shaking. Words flashed through his mind at light speed and he found himself struggling to string even the simplest of sentences together. Only one phrase remained, three little words that are too small to make a difference, but too powerful to ignore. 

“I’m so sorry...”

[quinnoftheshadow-blog]

[PSA that I’m away for the weekend, chilling with my friend from America (the awesome UrgentOrange for anyone who knows her in the COD fanfiction.net fandom) and so I’m at the mercy of hotel wifi until Sunday evening. Still available on Skype and such. Love you all

[quinnoftheshadow-blog]

paxoftheshadow continued from here [x]

Quinn listened carefully, looking at Pax even though the younger man refused to look at him. The vulnerability he was talking about was something that Quinn knew well, an emotion that was never an easy thing to bear. For Pax though, it had to be worse. Everything about Pax and the feelings he held for his Captain were a mystery, they had to be. Rose could not afford to parade their relationship around and neither could Pax. Even worse, Rose often operated alone, or on operations that very few people had any information about. When she was gone she was gone and no one in Shadow knew where she was or when she would be back. To deal with that kind of separation and uncertainty, Quinn was at a loss for what advice to give. If it was Sam he would have already gone insane and yet for all intents and purposes, somehow Pax managed to hold himself together. Aside from nights like this one, nights where he needed his friends. Nights when he needed Quinn. 

“It’s only a weakness if you let it be one.” He said finally, resting a hand on Pax’s shoulder and squeezing gently. “This woman means the world to you, right? It’s not pathetic to be fearful of losing that... it’s human. And just like with every human emotion we’ve got you can’t... let it be all you are. You have to keep fighting, fight like hell so that you’re still in one piece for when she comes back. And she will come back, Pax. People like Rose... they’re the people who make it when everything has done to shit. And besides...” He paused, licking his lips, hesistant as to whether he had a right to say this. “... If she feels a fraction of what you feel for her, then she has something to fight for too, right?”

[quinnoftheshadow-blog]

whatthehellkindofnameissoap:

quinnoftheshadow liked for a starter

2“You Company lot planning on paying rent anytime soon?”

“You mean Shepherd isn’t compensating you already?” He grins. “In that case, sir, I’d advocate taking the matter up with Cpt.Dawkins although at the same time I understand why you wouldn’t want to.”

[hissingthroughmyteeth-blog]

revives my canon boys

sandman l nikolai l shepherd l soap l kamarov (still needs a theme overhaul)

[unfortunatexsoul]

put @ plus a url in my ask and my muse will tell your muse how they truly feel about them.

since i can’t locate the original meme, have this.

[quinnoftheshadow-blog]

A Word About Shadow Company

[I’ve been meaning to pull together some of my general headcanons about Shadow Company into a post for ages, but like with everything it’s been a half formed idea in the back of my head. Even so, now I officially have three shadow company muses (Artemis, Ares and Quinn) I thought that was as good as an excuse as any to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard but you get my drift :P). As a disclaimer, these are my headcanons based on an incredibly vague portrayal in a video game, I’m not pretending they have to be canon for anyone else, they just so happen to be canon in my head. 

I know a lot of people think of SC as being a PMC, but for me I prefer to think of them as a second task force under the command of General Shepherd, more focused on black ops as a whole rather than the counter terrorism the 141 focuses on. Because of this, I imagine that they are a team that are maybe a little newer than the 141 and are possibly more mysterious and secretive in their operations. They have a reputation as being ridiculously efficient to those in the know, but for the most part most SC operations go unheard of thanks to strict operation security. Careless talk costs lives is definitely still a big part of being a part of SC.

In my mind, SC aren’t ‘evil’ or ‘bad guys’ but rather a well respected if poorly understood military outfit. That being said, I think there are some major differences between SC and the 141. The 141 is filled with soldiers who have been decorated in battle, worked their way up through elite military outfits such as the SAS or Delta Force and have earned themselves a formidable reputation. In my head, that makes the 141 Shepherd’s ‘Golden boys and girls’ in that they only recruit the best of the very best. 

So where does that leave SC? For me, SC is a platform for Shepherd to recruit elite soldiers through other channels, the kind of soldiers that other elite task forces would shy away from. For Shepherd to have risen to a three star general in the American military, he has to be a shrewd and calculating man, never mind an excellent leader and strategist. He ultimately turns out to be a massive villain true, but he didn’t get there by twiddling his moustache and trying to feed James Bond to the piranhas. For me, Shepherd played the long game perfectly in his development of both the 141 and SC. He must be an excellent judge of character and motive and I headcanon that he and Rose worked tirelessly to build SC from the ground up, recruiting men and women everyone else overlooked. Soldiers like Ares who didn’t come from the right kind of background or soldiers like Pax who showed promise but struggled to get the training they needed to advance further. Soldiers with great potential but with something holding them back, something SC could open up for them. How better to create a incredibly loyal group of men and women than to make them owe everything they have to your belief and encouragement in them? It’s manipulative true, but its gotta be effective too. 

Sure, there’s loose cannons in SC too, those who are ruthless and dangerous, but the majority of the people are elite soldiers who take enormous pride in their work. People who love, care and make friends, hell maybe even friends in the 141. Men and women who are told that the 141 have gone rogue by a man that the whole world trusts at this point. They follow their orders like good soldiers despite their misgivings and the next minute Shepherd is calling an airstrike on their base. With the exception of Rose, I don’t think any of my SC muses would see Shepherd’s betrayal of the 141 or SC coming. 

Playing SC muses recently has fascinated me because I love exploring that idea, that SC is made up of people doing jobs they’re proud of, jobs where they ultimately think they’re doing some good. Jobs that ultimately are going to lead these people to doing something that they’ll regret for the rest of their life and be forced to live with. I dunno man... I’m just sucker for headcanoning way way too much.]

[quinnoftheshadow-blog]

hissingthroughmyteeth:

quinnoftheshadow liked for a starter

“So… Dinner out. This is… fun. …You’re Shadow Company, aren’t you?”

“I’m a member of Shadow Company, if that’s what you’re asking, but don’t hold it against me too much. I’m just here for the free wine and stimulating company.”

[quinnoftheshadow-blog]

Scared?

MAKE ‘EM CONFESS! [QUESTIONS MEME]

Scared?: What's an irrational fear or phobia of yours? 

“I really don’t like ventriloquist dummies.”

[quinnoftheshadow-blog]

Broken

MAKE 'EM CONFESS! [QUESTIONS MEME]

Broken: What's been your lowest point?

“Leaving home at 15. Feeling like I was a disappointment, a failure. Caught between thinking that my family were fuckin’... evil and believing that there was something wrong with me. Why was I so different? Why couldn’t I fall in line like my brothers and grow into the man they wanted me to be?

You don’t get more alone than that, feeling like no one wants you, like you don’t bloody fit anywhere in the world. I used to play truant and skip out on school so that I could work whatever jobs people would give me, mowing lawns, construction, fucking paper rounds, anything that’d keep a shit roof over my head and food in my hand. People didn’t ask questions too much, I was a tall kid, managed to convince most people that I was older than I was. 

Wasn’t really living, back then. Kind of guy I am... I need people around me or else I feel worthless. I’m a pack animal, not built to be on my own. I spent nearly two years keeping everybody at a distance, trying to find where I fit, where I could be of some use. I never want to go back to feeling like that again.”

[aresoftheshadow-blog]

[quinnoftheshadow-blog]

aresoftheshadow:

White Blank Page - Mumford & Sons

“Can you lie next to her And give her your heart, your heart As well as your body And can you lie next to her And confess your love, your love As well as your folly And can you kneel before the king And say I’m clean, I’m clean

Tell me now, where was my fault In loving you with my whole heart”

[quinnoftheshadow-blog]

“Oh, dear mother, I love you I'm sorry, I wasn't good enough Dear father, forgive me 'Cause in your eyes, I just never added up In my heart I know I failed you, but you left me here alone If I could hold back the rain, would you numb the pain? 'Cause I remember everything. If I could help you forget, would you take my regrets? 'Cause I remember everything. Oh, dear brother, just don't hate me For never standing by you or being by your side Dear sister, please don't blame me I only did what I thought was truly right It's a long and lonely road, when you know you walk alone I feel like running away I'm still so far from home You say that I'll never change But what the fuck do you know? I'll burn it all to the ground before I let you in Please forgive me, I can't forgive you now. I remember everything. It all went by so fast I still can't change the past I always will remember everything If we could start again, Would that have changed the end? We remember everything, everything.”

[quinnoftheshadow-blog]

paxoftheshadow continued from here [x]

“And where else would I sleep, huh?” Quinn smiled softly, Pax’s concern for Sam something he always liked to hear. It helped him, knowing that if the worst happened to him, Sam had someone to look out for her. It meant a lot more to Quinn that he’d ever really be able to voice. “Everyone knows that having my own quarters is just a pointless way for us to try and keep up appearances for the top brass. Even then I doubt anyone is actually convinced.” He shrugged, laughing awkwardly. 

Quinn made it his business to be able to read people. He found them fascinating, liked being able to know and understand someone on a deep level rather than a purely superficial one. With Pax, that had been no easy feat, but now that they’d reached that kind of understanding it felt good to see Pax like this, just vulnerable enough to look to Quinn for help. It was a position of completely privilege for Quinn, one that he certainly didn’t underestimate. 

“Then consider it done.” He nodded gently, giving Pax a lopsided grin. He already knew the kind of favours he’d need to pull with Sam to get her to talk to him about this and it was not going to be pretty. “As for you, kid, I might be the wet blanket, but I’ve seen you with your team. I’m proud of the man that command has made you be, whether you want to admit that or not.”

[quinnoftheshadow-blog]

paxoftheshadow:

Pax felt his lip curl derisively, felt his expression become a little more stony, despite the fact that he hated himself for it. Quinn had always had a knack for seeing right through him, like he was a fucking window pane, and tonight was no different. There was nowhere to hide from his friend, nothing he could say that would stop his brother from knowing the truth, knowing how damaged and emotionally fucked Pax was right now. Worse, still, there was nothing he could do to make Quinn go away, the man’s saviour complex about as reliable as the Irishman himself. “… You say that like I don’t know when to fucking stop,” Pax said, voice rough as moved to drink again. The mouthpiece touched his bottom lip before he aborted the action, face screwing up in anger. Guilt was prickling in his gut, mixing in with the slew of other emotions he couldn’t quite control. Bloody Quinn, with his fucking concern and inability to walk away from a lot cause… “Fuck… why do you always have to be so bloody nosy? I came here to be alone…”   He looked up, then, scowling darkly as Quinn moved closer, the laugh uncharacteristic enough that his guilt ratcheted up a notch. Pax had wanted the bastard to leave before he got hurt, but it seemed like Pax was hurting him already… “You know I’m not going to fucking hit you, you bitch. But I don’t fucking want company, so it’d be easier if you just pissed off…” Like that was going to happen. Pax hissed a defeated sigh, shifting his gaze to glare at nothing in particular. “Which isn’t going to bloody happen, is it? So you might as well sit your arse down, but don’t expect me to spill my fucking guts. I’m not in the mood for your touchy feely bullshit…”

“Sometimes I worry that you don’t.” Quinn admitted solemnly, a weak smile flitting across his features. He watched Pax lift the bottle as if he was about to drink and then stop himself and the smile became a little bit larger. With Pax, everything was about baby steps, small gestures that chipped away at his defenses without leaving him stripped bare and vulnerable. The fact that Pax was thinking twice meant that he was at least listening and right then and there that was a start. 

“You sure that’s true?” Quinn raised an eyebrow, moving to stand beside Pax. He didn’t sit beside him but rather remained standing, leaning against the table Pax was sitting at with his arms folded. “Maybe you don’t want me around, I can understand that. But that doesn’t mean you want to be alone.” He paused, licking his lips and wondering whether he should just come out with it and hope for the best. Sometimes that really was the better thing to do. “She’s on an Op, isn’t she?”