Hi. I just wrote a story for a reddit prompt. Just trying something new. Any critiques on my writing are welcome.
Prompt: You’ve met a lot of mages in your time. This is the first one to seemingly use music as their Focus. Not an instrument, but Sound itself.
The past few days have been rough on my senses. As if someone had tampered with them. I see blinding lights flicker and flash sometimes. I hear explosions that others do not. I smell stuff that others do not. Heck, sometimes I even feel cold when the sun is burning the planet.
I remember who I am. I know where I am. But I don’t remember what happened. If I think about it, all that comes to my mind is some old magician in front of me, screaming “Neeiiinn!” I’ve seen the best doctors and the best healers. Nothing.
Anyway, woke up, had breakfast and since I hit the feels for some reason, decided to go see my childhood home. Funny how even though it’s nearby, I haven’t gone there in years. So, I took my bike. Left, Right, Straight… God, what a labyrinth of streets this area is…. Ah there it is!
“Oh wow. The road is small… and empty” mumbling to myself, I continued riding and reached my childhood home. All the buildings were renovated, unfortunately, so none of the original marks remain. Neither does the Delta. Delta… huh? What Delta?
“Hey! Who are you looking for?”
A girl standing on the balcony from a nearby flat shouted at me just as I was reminiscing about good times. Suddenly aware of the situation (a man leering at an apartment in an empty road), I hasten to leave. “Sorry. Was just feeling dizzy.”
“Dumm blödmann Shrinte!” I scold myself and ride forward. Left, Right, Straights.
All I saw was another bike in the rear-view mirror behind me. Nothing forward. Probably some idiot modified their bike to make more noise.
BOOOOOMMMM….. VRRRRRR… PEKEPEKEPEK…..
I looked around. Nothing happening. No explosions. No loud trucks. No chatter. So, what the heck’s going on?
“Excuse me sir. Did you say Shrinte?” I turned back to see the motorcyclist approaching me. “Yeah. But why?” Is this one of my hallucinations? I asked myself. “Ah good. You must be the one. We need to talk.” came the reply. “Yeah no. I’m not going to have a chat with strangers.” I start again and then.
Huh what? Everything’s functioning alright, so where’s the sound from? “Hey, check your bike” I say to the other guy. “It’s not the bike. It’s me.” “It’s a me, Mario!” “So, Mario is your name?” “What –”
BOOOOOOOMM….. WHIZZZZZZ……
“Right now, you are hearing explosions and arrows flying past your ear. But neither things exploded nearby, nor arrows flew past you. Like I said, it’s me. I have been manipulating these sounds. I know what’s happened to you and how you can get back your senses to sanity.” “Fiiine! Let’s talk.”
“That wasn’t me by the way.”
We got a table in a nook at a nearby restaurant so that almost nobody could hear us. No effect from AC or schnelleluft though.
“So, how much do you remember about Mount Spear?”
“Not that. How much do you remember about your last mission there?”
“Ok, I know you won’t believe me, but you were working in a team in Mount Spear when a bunch of Red Oil exploded and everyone died …. except you, who has lost all memories of the incident.”
“What? That doesn’t make sense.”
“What –” A silhouette of a wizard in blue and gold robes flash into my mind.
Another silhouette, this time of a lady.
A huge guy with very well-defined chest pops up.
“Ok ok, I believe that you may know something about me. But who are you and what do you want from me?”
“Well, I am a mage specializing in sounds. I can make any sound heard to anyone –” I hear a song even though the restaurant contains no radio or speakers “– even when the conditions for the sound does not exist. I can reduce the decibels –” All the nearby chatter seem to die down “– for anyone, even though the surrounding is full of noise. In simpler terms, I can create and delete sounds by magic. You can call me Hvek. As for what I want from you, I have been sent by <<<>>> to restore your hearing sense. Listen you have been suffering from the effects of the explosions, and your mind is damaged.”
“Sorry, who sent you again?”
“It’s <<<>>>… OH wait, you can’t hear their name, can you?”
“I guess your hearing has been magically tampered with …. even worse than I thought …. We may have to ….”
“Don’t care. We’ll go into your Mind.”
At this point, I got even more confused. And angry. “Mind…? Huh…? What the f* do you mean? Is this some sort of joke? Just talking in terms only you stupid magicians will understand. Can’t you guys ever try to talk in words that others understand? Of course, there is resentment going towards magic in the country when you guys are this obtuse –”
I saw a hand touching my temple and the world ended.
Black… Dark…. I woke up surrounded by darkness and pitch-black space. Nothing visible, as if someone had blindfolded me. My hands and legs are not tied, and I can see them in front.
“Hey, release me” I managed to shout.
“Release you where? You are inside your mind. Find your way out. Only you can.”
Then it appeared: a faint orange glow in the distance. It seemed to twinkle. I realized I was feeling something about it, but what, I didn’t know. The space filled with faint orange light. I was able to see the ground – and immediately wished I hadn’t. Thousands of small snake-like things slithered around, all of various colours, intertwined with the black space.
“See for yourself a sight rarely seen by non-magicians. Weirdly this is your second visit. We can celebrate that after you become better.”
“Of course you don’t remember what this is. This is your mind. Specifically, the portion of the mind that listens. Horeveindem. Every strand in this scenario represents a sound. Things we hear. Words said by us. By others. Music. Noise. Guitars. Drums. Static. Words. Praises. Insults. Truths. Lies. And everything in between.”
I step over one. Hey! Who are you looking for?
“Ah, you’ve just heard one of the strands. And a very recent one it seems. Notice how everything’s flooded everywhere. We hear a lot of things every day. Some good that improve our lives. Some so bad that if we act according to it, it’ll destroy us. Mostly it’s filler though. But we hear all of them. And all of them want to become a part of us.
“You have to find your Soul. It’s an orange strand connected to the light. You’ll have more chances if you go near it. Be warned. You’ll hear a lot of things you may not want to hear. But if you persist, your hearing will go back to normal. No more booming noises. I’ll be helping you as much as possible, but you must find your soul. I can’t”
“This is searching for a needle in a haystack. You –”
“Harder than that. I don’t think a haystack has infinite dried grass.”
I sat there for a minute, calming myself down. Obviously I don’t trust Hvek. But I didn’t see any other way out than this 1% chance run. Fine, I’ll find my Soul, I thought, and started walking toward the light.
Hvek was right about one thing though: I ended up hearing a lot of things that I didn’t want to hear again.
Min, you are so naive that even babies have more common sense. I hear one of my old teachers say.
I hope you never go into wizardry, considering how incompetent you are at hand gesturing. Another one of my old teachers.
There can be 2 orchestras happening between your ears, with perfect acoustics. My uncles.
Who cares about you? Nobody. Classmates.
Oh look, the loner has finally decided to join a group.
You don’t know the value of time. A massive time-waster.
It raged like a storm inside.
Every sound I hear weighs me down and I wonder if I should even go ahead. Wouldn’t it be better if I lost myself here?
“Hang in there, Min. Uberklar. Move forward you can do it.” I hear Hvek in the distance.
Idiot non-sense! Myself. That’s right. Myself. I already know all of this. And yet I move on everyday.
What for though? Why should I move on? What can I get from living? Was I ever truly happy? No. So why should I live further? Let me end here. Free of all responsibilities. All expectations. Nothing beside remains. Even if I live that’s what will happen. So why? Everything will turn to dust. So why go on further? I don’t think anyone will even miss me. They’ll be happy that a waste of oxygen has left this world.
No more hardships. No more work. No more embarrassments. No more mistakes.
I lay down in the space, unable to move forward and decided this would be it.
You’ve been an amazing mentor to us. Two of my friends. So that’s what I’m good for.
You are a great brother to me.” My sister. Still doesn’t matter for all the hurt I’m having, but it’s good to know that I’m influencing at least 2 or 3 people positively.
You can leave this group, and the plan will succeed then. Aberanth, sitting near a campfire, in front of the group.
“Hey, that’s fake. Aberanth never said that. Heck, he wanted you to lead the group so that the plan will succeed” I hear Hvek.
“Dude. I don’t know what’s your issue, but every life has a meaning man. It’s there, just like your Soul. Find it. Live on Hope.”
“Hope is a fragile thing. It breaks easily.”
“But it can easily be re-formed. Uberklar.”
I feel something inside. Maybe my life also has some meaning that I haven’t found yet. I got up and started moving towards the orange light. Maybe it’s Hope. Maybe just Luck. But I noticed an orange strand within a few minutes. “There.” I go and touch it.
Idiot non-sense. Naïve. Time-waster. Incompetent. Empty Head. Loner. I hear it all. Yes, I am all of them. But I am a lot more than that. And then the snakes vanish.
Bright lights of the restaurant shone across my eyes. “Oh good. You’re back!” Hvek exclaimed. “How do you feel?”
“Lightheaded. But I have got some memories back though. Aberanth. Wincolo. Mica. Wrex. I remember them all. I still don’t remember why we went to Mount Spear, though.”
“That’s because you guys wanted to create a new weapon. It backfired quite spectacularly. On hearing the after-effects Master Slevok was worried. Oh wait. You can hear his name now. It was Master Slevok. He ordered me to help you.”
“The Mystical Mage himself? I’m honored.”
“What the – I thought these were gone?”
“Just a prank. Don’t worry. Your hearing is fine now.”
“Hey, don’t you start. You need to meet two more mages to get your vision and smell fixed. I’ve wrote their names and where you can find them on this napkin. Go seek them. I’m leaving. Pay my bill too.”
“Hey quick question, couldn’t mages and magicians deal in only the four elementals: air, water, earth and fire? How come you say you are specializing in sound?”
“What is sound but air vibrations? By controlling them, I control the sound. Goodbye.”
Well, he had his free lunch. What can I say? Though lunch is a small price for clearing my hearing sense.
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