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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@quoigenderbuckybarnes
i hate the first day “let’s all say a cool fact about ourselves” bc the minute that shit starts up i am no longer even on the same astral plane. i’m panicking. sure i’m smiling at the other people talking but i have tuned everything out while my brain scrambles around screaming, trying to find something remotely interesting about me so i can mumble something that isn’t “my name is raquel and if i got hit by a car i honestly wouldn’t complain”
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A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?” The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man says, “All right, all right. I’m *dying* to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?” The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.” The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.” The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.” The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.” The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “Real funny. May I have the key?” The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst. Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.” The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound. But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk
Originally posted by disneyasastrology
BWAHAHAHAHAH.
the way i learned this, it was always told through spoken word. And you’d do the door thing for ages. AGES. literally just making up any old material. ‘behind the foam door is a door made of spinach’ that kind of shit. Go on until whoever is listening has already begged you to stop and has now gone on to pleading, clutching your shirt on their knees pleading. And when you finally said the last line? People went fucking nuts Like there was a good chance of just getting the teeth knocked out of you after telling that joke.
A friend of mine did that shit for 30 minutes on a camp once. The entire fucking bus just exploded in anger when she finished. It was a fucking massacre.
honestly this is so much nicer than red
this is coca-cola i can feel calm drinking. no bright screaming red. no anger. no hatred. just a nice sky blue. this is a soda i can feel relaxed with.
Get this Team Mystic propaganda bullshit out of my face.
Pinocchio doesn’t have shit on this puppet that’s basically human already.
Reblogging because holy shit that is a really good puppet/puppeteer…
“you can’t ship her with another girl! she’s been with loads of guys !!”
also la lot of lesbians have dated men in the past so :^^^^^^)
u are absolutely right
Don’t forget polysexual girls!
Gotcha!
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honestly at this point, what HASN’T The Simpsons predicted for the future???
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
What’s your group chat called
if you need a good laugh just go through the tags
@anime-mom-didnt-die-for-this
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Commander Vimes didn’t like the phrase ‘The innocent have nothing to fear’, believing the innocent had everything to fear, mostly from the guilty but in the longer term even more from those who say things like ‘The innocent have nothing to fear’.
Terry Pratchett (via beornwulf)
I can’t stop laughing
okay but corgis are the wildest baseline doggo, u breed a corgi with any other pure bred and the dog will look like a short corgilicious version of the non-corgi breed
husky:
german shepherd:
dalmatian:
they’re all so beautiful thank you for your time
Oh, honey …
“____ made a post containing *something I blacklisted*”
Me: *opens it anyway bc im dumb*
Me: *sees exactly what i didnt wanna see*
Me:
Today prisoners in at least 24 states are set to participate in a nationally coordinated strike that comes on the 45th anniversary of the prison uprising at Attica. Much like the prisoners who took over New York’s infamous correctional facility in 1971, today’s prisoners are protesting long-term isolation, inadequate healthcare, overcrowding, violent attacks and slave labor. We feature an excerpt from our interview in May with one of the organizers, Kinetik Justice, who joined us by phone from solitary confinement in Holman Correctional Facility. He is co-founder of the Free Alabama Movement. He was serving his 28th month in solitary for organizing a similar protest in 2014.
