“Well, that’s handy…”
The Satan Pit - season 02 - 2006
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@quorumvictory
“Well, that’s handy…”
The Satan Pit - season 02 - 2006
headcanon that harry’s headaches in HBP weren’t due to the presence of voldemort in his head but were because he has had the same glasses for 10ish years and needed a new prescription
honestly, this poor boy couldn’t read
What’s up, I’m Harry, I’m 17, and I never learned how to read
Those fuck ass Dursleys never got him new fucking glasses; of course the poor boy had trouble reading. Hell, that’s probably a lot of his trouble with potions: the instructions/notes/class lectures were written on a board HE COULDN’T READ. Also, it would probably be really fucking hard to tell the difference between similar looking powders if your sight is that fucking bad.
Also, answers the age old question of “why did Harry not recognize Snape’s handwriting in his textbook if he’d been reading it on a blackboard every day for years?”
Because it was blurry as hell, next question.
The Fab Five travel through time, space, and genre to help Professor Flitwick get his groove back
The end is near
We assembled the founding Avengers to share stories about Stan Lee, their beloved characters, and how to keep a lid on the most secretive movie they’ve ever made. 📷: Marco Grob/© Marvel Studios 2019
the harry potter books rated by Harry's Sass™
the sorcerer's stone: dudley asking harry if he wants to practice sticking his head down the toilet and harry replying "no thanks, the poor toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it - it might be sick" like ooo!!! sick burn!!! good for an 11 year old but overall still in the developmental stage. 6/10
the chamber of secrets: dudley (once again lmao get rekt) telling harry "i know what day it is" and harry replying "well done, so you've finally learned the days of the week." lockhart trying to be all Amazing Teacher™ and shit and telling harry "just do what i did, harry!" and harry saying "what, drop my wand?" overall good but not with as much of an Oomph™ factor as the sorcerer's stone. 5/10
the prisoner of azkaban: ah yes!!! Harry's Sass™ in its adolescent years!!!! no longer a toddler, now solidly about 11 years old. draco making fun of harry for fainting at the quidditch game bc of the dementors and saying "shame [the broom] doesn't come with a parachute - in case you get too near a dementor." and harry replying "pity you can't attach an extra arm to yours, malfoy. then it could catch the snitch for you." 8/10 purely because he fucking MURDERED whiny bitch ass baby malfoy ha ha take that
the goblet of fire: a good amount of sass!! a healthy amount of sass! perhaps a bit held back though (come on harry get it together). rita skeeter annoying harry and asking for a word and jk rowling LITERALLY writing "'yeah, you can have a word,' said harry savagely. 'good-bye'" like FUCK he is canon savage in this book!!!! DAMN!!!!! and then he reks malfoy AGAIN "you know that expression [your mother's got], like she's got dung under her nose? has she always looked like that, or was it just because you were with her?" MOTHERFUCK GO OFF 9/10
the order of the phoenix: HOLY GRAIL OF HARRY'S SASS™. THE MOTHERLOAD. GOD DAMN. when vernon asks him why he's listening to the news again and harry replies w/ "well, it changes every day, you see." when hermione's warning him about picking fights w/ malfoy bc malfoy will make life hard for him and harry's like "wow, i wonder what it'd be like to have a difficult life" like fuck harry!!! tell us how u really feel!!!! literally ANY TIME he talks to an adult he doesn't like. sassing dudley left & right, putting him in his place w/ "this is night, diddykins. that's what we call it when it goes all dark like this" like fuck harry brought out the big guns w/ "diddykins". overall wonderful, truly. a good healthy teenage dose of sass. 100/10
the half blood prince: SHIT DO I EVEN NEED TO SAY ANYTHING EXCEPT "THERE'S NO NEED TO CALL ME SIR, PROFESSOR" LIKE FUCK. BEST PART OF THE WHOLE BOOK. OF THE WHOLE SERIES. FUCKING OWNED SNAPE HE'S FUCKIN REKT LYING ON THE FLOOR CRYING DRINKING SOME CHEAP ASS DISGUSTING ASS FIREWHISKEY. BREAKS THE GOD DAMN MOTHERFUCKING SCALE SO FAR OFF THE SCALE IT'S ON MARS. INFINITY/10. FUCK.
the deathly hallows: "it's time you learned some respect!" "it's time you earned it" sassing the minister of magic hooooooo boy. not much else bc harry's too busy like saving the world and shit. so extra points for multitasking and being an overall well rounded sass-er. 8/10
sqwirl is a noise. squirrel is a word.
The Lion King (1994) dir. Roger Allers & Rob Minkoff
the article mag: Rehersal
Tan France plays Shocking Answers with LADbible
just the girly things
forcing an earing through a closed piercing
taking off tight clothes and rubbing the indents they left on your skin
human sacrifice
homemade face masks
So like. Parents can come to Hogwarts to see their kids play Quiddich, right? (shut up if it’s not and just roll with me here.)
So what happens when Muggle parents get invited?
Could you imagine tho?
Like, after the initial “holy shit look at this magic stuff” they’d be like INTO IT.
THEY’D GET THE MAGICAL PARENTS INTO IT TOO.
THEY’D MAKE SHIRTS.
AGGRESSIVELY WEARING YELLOW EVERYWHERE THEY GO.
BEGGING THEIR CHILD FOR INFORMATION SO THEY CAN UNDERSTAND THE GAME BETTER.
SCREAMING AT THE REFS
LIKE
ALSO MAGICAL PARENTS BECOMING FRIENDS WITH MUGGLE PARENTS AND BOTH COUPLES GETTING TOGETHER FOR COUPLE DATES
THEY INTRODUCE EACH OTHER TO EACH OTHER’S WORLDS
THEIR KIDS ARE LIKE
oh my god our parents are friends with each other omg
AND THEY MEET AT QUIDDICH GAMES AND JUST
“JULIE!!! OVER HERE!!! I SAVED YOU AND PATRICK SEATS!”
“OMG THANK YOU SEAN! HOW IS YOUR LAWYERING FIRM GOING?”
“IT’S A LAW FIRM AND IT’S GOING GREAT! HOW GOES THAT NEW RECIPE FOR THAT POTION THAT GETS RID OF STAINS?”
“IT’S A DISASTER, THE WHOLE HOUSE SMELLS LIKE ONIONS! AT LEAST IT’S BETTER THAN SMELLING PHIL’S SHOES.”
“I’M SITTING RIGHT HERE SEAN.”
“I KNOW. YOUR SHOES SMELL, DEAR.”
wait what
MUGGLE PARENTS INTRODUCING THE CONCEPT OF FANTASY QUIDDITCH
MUGGLE PARENTS INTRODUCING MAGICAL PARENTS TO OTHER MUGGLE SPORTS AND INVITING THEM OVER FOR THE OLYMPICS
MUGGLE PARENTS BEING REALLY FREAKING INSANE FANS AT QUIDDITCH GAMES OMG
this is cute but why does everything have to be in caps I feel like I’m being screamed at
because we’re really excited BY WIZARD MUGGLE RELATIONS
THIS IS THE APPROPRIATE LEVEL OF EXCITEMENT FOR QUIDDITCH AT ALL TIMES
I HATE MOST SPORTS BUT I WOULD BE THE MOST INSANE QUIDDITCH FAN
I FUKCIN LOVE QUIDDITCH I SWEAR TO EVERYTHING
The Art of Subtlety by Ianto Jones
#tired dad