darling, dearest, dead. @selfeffacing-jokes - Tumblr Blog

Every week a new episode of HBO’s meat and potatoes medical drama The Pitt airs and after watching you think “that was a great hour of television” and then you log online to discover that it was the first episode of TV for adults anyone has ever watched. This will repeat next week and the week after that and so on.

indigosfindings

ads with fake close buttons where if you try to click close you just click the ad are vile. people who make them should be locked in a room with only fake doors & windows

parakeet

Give a man a leaf and he will eat it. Teach a man to leaf and he will go away

marzipanandminutiae

posts that could have also been in a newspaper in 1910 on a slow day

raylangivins

bubblegum-gf

from the term “disc jockey,” more commonly known as a dj, we can conclude that music is descended from horses

plant-folk

The full rotation of the Moon as seen by NASA’s Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter.

wilwheaton

It’s so beautiful and amazing that we live at a moment in time when we can see the entire moon, and not just the side that’s tidally-locked toward the Earth.

mythmagicetc

men love calling each other hollywood when they want to say beautiful

kosmogrl

happy international women’s day my divas

kosmogrl

kill anyone that pisses you off today as a little treat

darkcomedies

evoking bertholt brecht’s “the way people cast a play!” quote as a spell against prescriptive, stereotypical, fatalistic typecasting

darkcomedies

idk what to tell you except go look at the fishwives

borzoibabe

did you know?

- the menu at a restaurant is not an ingredient list you can use to create new dishes we could hypothetically make for you instead of the choices on the menu

- we do not have omelets on the menu because we do not make or serve omelets

- yes, i know we have eggs on the menu, but we still do not have omelets.

- yes, i realize omelets are eggs, but not all eggs are omelets, and the eggs we serve are not omelets.

- you cannot out-logic me so that i cave in and ring in an omelet for you. i am better at arguing than you are.

- there are no omelets here. there have not been, and will not be, omelets here. if you want an omelet you will need to go somewhere else.

- i can also promise that you do not want an omelet cooked by line cooks who have not been trained how to make omelets. because we don't sell omelets.

- no, i am not going to single-handedly put service on pause for the next twenty minutes while three cooks google how to make an omelet and then proceed to fuck up multiple omelets that our kitchen is not set up to prepare, so you can have an omelet.

-and we both know you'd bitch if it takes longer than six minutes to come out anyway.

- no, you may not just go back into the kitchen and make yourself an omelet. the line cooks do not take kindly to trespassing. also, what the hell.

- i hear that you want an omelet. that does not change the fact that we do not offer omelets. if you want to eat an omelet, you will need to go to another restaurant that does have omelets on the menu. this is not negotiable.

- i am the manager.

- yeah, alright, go fuck yourself too, bob.

borzoibabe

literally today a woman came in to the restaurant i work at, looked at the menu, looked around at all the tables eating, watched us take orders, watched us run food out to table. and then she approached me and asked "is this a restaurant?"

i thought for sure i misheard her, but no. she was asking "is this a restaurant?", almost as if maybe she had heard of the concept of restaurants but had never experienced one for herself, and she needed to get confirmation from somebody else.

i could not control my face. i had to walk away and another coworker had to step in to kindly explain that yes, the restaurant is a restaurant.

i would never lie to you.