rosalind.

[thisusedtoberum-deactivated2017]

Me texting: why cant people just be straight up when they text, I hate these games man :/

Also me texting: 

[gerwoman-deactivated20160523]

rapper in a song: you know who this is!!

me: 

[theofficialpresidentoftheusa]

In this house, dumb bitch hours are 24 fucking 7

[aromantic-spinda]

My friend: can I ask you for relationship advice?

Me: *prepares a wheel of fortune where the only two options are "communicate" and "break up"* yeah sure go ahead

[anxietyproblem]

[notspecialjustcrazy]

[105ttt]

Sir that’s my emotional support unrealistic romantic daydream

[pukicho]

Do you have any regrets?

Absolutely! Thanks for the ask

[henryclervals]

me: gets up from my nap and goes outside

the roman soldier guarding my tomb:

[iasoup-deactivated20190921]

i don’t think there has been one single moment since i was 13 where i haven’t been clenching my jaw

[shitispuffinup-deactivated20190]

Me when I get in bed: ooooh I’m a warm little bich!!!

[ulibeanzz]

*hits rock bottom once a week* 

[tockthewatchdog-deactivated2020]

me: hey can you make dopamine and serotonin

my brain:

[girl-debord]

Corporations: we’d like to wish you a happy Earth Day!

Me:

[cheaphalloweencostume]

Protip for men: if marriage is a horrifying concept for you and you think it is an evil trap, do not buy a ring and ask a woman to marry you

[valtsv]

catholics be like. guilt… but make it horny

[passionpeachy-deactivated202312]

straight men’s only personality traits are saying “I have a really dark sense of humor” and showing you racist memes on their phone