I'm going through it lol Maybe it's because I keep getting triggered, but I keep questioning my worth and thinking about the futility of all of my efforts. I am a more whole person than I was before. I know who I am, what I want, and I'm mindful of the pitfalls my mental illness can ruin things for me through, but the core causes of pain still remain. Worst of all, I don't fear death at all. It's something I've long come to associate with comfort. Idk… I just want to rest… I try my best to not think about how I have to live the rest of my life walking on eggshells with an insane person on my neck all of the time, but it's so hard to do so when I'm tense every day knowing they're there trying to get a hold of me… I wish they'd just leave me alone… I can't say anything remotely negative to them without risking something bad happening, so I have to play nice... worst of all, I sometimes go talk to them about stuff when I'm desperate enough for human contact... I know they don't care and will use anything I tell them to hurt me at a later point, but what other options do I have, really...? Silence. You have to learn to live with it. Scraps are never enough and only make the hunger pains worse, but you can get them elsewhere, so you have to be satisfied with them. Don't serve yourself on a silver platter. You've gone through enough...
