🐱💅🏼

Hello:3 My name is Racheal and I live in Texas. I am currently a senior in college and I am obsessed with cats and makeup.

[pasdecoeur]

[2000ish]

[alwaysabeautifullife]

So I’ve been ruining my kids lives by saying “weird flex but ok” to everything and when I do it they scream no and tell me they’re running away and I made this lovely photo lemme get it

[alwaysabeautifullife]

[alwaysabeautifullife]

Ok so I need some help coming up with the absolute worst “to flex on” live memes ever to pretend I’m an even more really lame parent. they don’t have to make sense but they need to be absolutely awful yet believable enough that it isn’t obvious I’m intentionally trying to be more lame

Here’s the ones I came up with so far

“You ever just eat a well balanced diet and exercise daily to flex on heart disease?”

“You ever just boil chilies to flex on your eyes?”

“You ever just be cool to flex on your kids?”

“You ever just use sanitizer to flex on 99.9% of all bacteria and viruses?”

“You ever just turn all the lights and up the heater to flex on Dad?”

Catholic edition:

“You ever just like receive the sacraments frequently to flex on Satan?”

“You ever just like love your Mom to flex on Protestants?”

[alwaysabeautifullife]

So I executed the first one in the kitchen then I dabbed and my son didn’t say anything he just set down his pomegranate and walked out the front door with no shoes on and now he’s walking down the street

[alwaysabeautifullife]

Ok so I walked down the block and I found him

[alwaysabeautifullife]

Update

[squirtle-daddy-deactivated20250]

Your son is named Egg.

[hamburgeroisie]

Every part of this is hilarious

[adeles]

[confusedpolarities-blog]

[babygvl]

someone probably getting their titties sucked rn and i’m here just…chillin

[ontarom]

Does anybody remember this “go nuts, show nuts, whatever” gem? Oh how the mighty have fallen.

[mudaship39]

You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become a villain 

[whitepeopletwitter]

That sounded expensive

[sunder-the-gold]

What are your elected officials doing with all of your tax money?

[asswatthama]

Embezzling

[stumupm]

Dr Seuss: ‘Maybe Christmas,’ he thought, ‘doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas … perhaps … means a little bit more!’

Illumination:

[twitterlols]

[priincealiababwa]

[cursedcatimages]

[veterinaryshitposting]

[haiikyuus-remade]

tumblr flagged a post of a girl eating berries so fruit is for whores now reblog if youre a fruit eating whore

[criteria-deactivated20190528]

[trapcard]

IM SCREAMAIAUAAHABA

[tetrahydrofuran]

she’s not playing at ALL

[wigshewrote]

[jollibeaaa]

There comes a day When you’re gonna look around And realize happiness is Where you are