Rambles

Writing, weird dreams, thoughts and the like. Mainly so I don't clog up my art blog too much. Main @cyandocs

[pragnificent]

This is Money Snake. She only appears every 312 years. 

If you reblog her picture within the next twenty-five seconds you will have good luck and fortune for the rest of your life. 

[thingsamylikes]

I reblogged her late last year and my 2024 has been very satisfying work-wise and (secure enough to not stress out) money-wise so far. Money Snake is wise and good.

[rambleonaud]

I find it weird that Love Language revolves more around how you like to receive affection over giving it. I guess it would make sense that someone might try to act a certain way to gain reciprocity but... I feel like there are ways I like to give affection that also just mean I like someone. I could take or leave receiving gifts but I tend to be a pebbler. I made you this. I thought of you. And if I KNOW this is the case with another person, that it's personal and not some attempt to buy me, it is nice, but overall I think I'd prefer quality time or acts of service. Which I do also do to express myself.

But I just feel like it should be equal in terms of the giver and receiver, like, yes, you should be aware of how your partner likes to receive affection. But also how they give it, right? Language should go both ways like that. There's something empty to doing something that says "I love you" and someone thinking you're just doing it because. When we talk about how we like to receive love, I feel like talking about how we like to give it also avoids some heartbreak.

[rambleonaud]

Had a weird dream last night that I went to this family's yearly dinner for something- the atmosphere was incredibly tense and the food was meh- for some reason my cats were there and I had to wrangle them out of these people's backyard after they were accidentally let out, and I just sort of left awkwardly. Wound up near this place where I somehow knew like the most boring job in the world existed, but I was also immediately hired and had to climb through a window to sit down on a raised chair to do onboarding. I got like halfway through this welcoming video before I was viscerally like "I do NOT want to do this" and had to clamor up the seat I was on to a ladder that lead back out the same window. As I was leaving I wound up in a chat room with my now-former coworkers and one of them drew my icon so I felt a little bad, but I was ultimately like. No. This isn't good for me. It's not personal. I guess at least in my dreams I am starting to not feel obligated to do stuff

[rambleonaud]

I had a slew of the WEIRDEST dreams last night I barely remember but you can tell by one where my mind has been lol

I was watching/experiencing some story that was Dunmeshi but like an AU Farcille fic I guess??

The Toudens were royals from the start and there was this forbidden practice that was also mostly accidental: When people were about to die they could be taken over by a demon that would prolong their life. In a less developed form the demons were like moving Cordyceps and turned into monsters that would erupt from their host in times of danger.

Marcille was arrested either for having a demon or Ancient magic shit, and Laios often chose to add these types to his court over killing them, so she was taken in and then sort of dragged around by Fallin who had this huge dragon themed room

She admitted at one point that Laios actually had a demon of his own (I think she did too)

Someone described demons as better than the gods- in that moment you're praying for protection and the gods don't help but demons do, they're just another form of faith

There was some attack then and things got wonky dream-wise but it was a fascinating concept, probably far enough removed to be it's own thing, but in my dream it was Dungeon Meshi and I think that's funny and also pretty suiting

[rambleonaud]

Yeah I can use this account for fandom ramble nonsense, why not

I am reading the Dunmeshi Manga, so, spoilers n all that.

I had seen people talking about Kabru's confession/outburst of really just wanting to... Be friends with Laios, and how it could read as basically a love confession- although overall just so funny bc he essentially had the opposite of an ulterior motive (saying he wanted to make sure the Toudens weren't dangerous, what they wanted, essentially his regular social espionage but really just being SO pressed Laios, who fascinated him, had ZERO interest)

"I want you to be interested in humans (me, interested in ME) too!"

I never saw it pointed out that literally just before that, he was tripping over his words in the face of Laios' earnestness and determination.

Regardless of how you read it, all this man has is his words and he was tongue tied. To the degree where all he had left was the bumbling truth.

[rambleonaud]

My older brother is, I feel, the type I would call "easily tilted irl". I don't know if he gets overwhelmed or what but he regularly reacts harshly to things that are... Ultimately not a big deal? I've met a few people that fit the description and make every inconvenience feel like a personal attack and... Man that feels like a lot of energy.

[rambleonaud]

I spent some time the other day lifting weights with my brothers- I feel like this should've been a "duh" thing, but I really didn't realize how different resistance training is from like, calisthenics. Instead of a burn or shake as you reach the limit, it just kind of feels like your muscles decided to give up. They refuse to move that way with that amount of weight.

I have never been so sore after such a short session.

[rambleonaud]

Tf is up with labia actually. Coming from someone who owns them

Like I know they serve a very distinctive purpose but why do they look Like That??

I feel like I was ill-prepared by diagrams.

[bigandlong]

If you see this on your dashboard, reblog this, NO MATTER WHAT and all your dreams and wishes will come true.

[jae-felidae]

Oh hey! Haven’t seen this in forever! Didn’t reblog it when it came across me before, not gonna skip it this time, I need some good vibes.

[rambleonaud]

Had a dream last night where this universe was suddenly in contact with another one. Just like. In a chill way. My mom became friends with a woman in the other universe who sent her things by literally just placing them outside and they'd show up at our doorstep. You could physically visit the other universe, but you needed to eat this weird plant whole, which would basically make you hallucinate for a second before waking up in the other universe. I think there were dating apps that would set up two people from either respective universe, too.

I briefly considered the ramifications of more universes possibly becoming a part of this, and how that would impact daily life, but I was kind of distracted by all the things happening.

Also there was a game the other universe loved that I knew nothing about, it involved some weird yellow man drawn with red lines. I think it was like Jenga???

[rambleonaud]

Having Thoughts and given it's 4am this may be a delete later situation but this account is void screaming hours anyway.

I go by she/they because I have this feeling that the relationship I have with gender is very catered. And I know gnc exists, which is definitely part of it, right? And I'm probably somewhere close to butch/futch/soft butch or nerdy butch tomboy whatever. But there was always this nature to anything feminine being very performative, because, as a youngin', and even now, being mistaken for a guy makes me jump out of my own skin a little. When I was a kid riding bikes with my friend, a group of other kids saw me, undeveloped, fat, in my dad's old polo and a grown out bob that had become that awkward androgynous page cut. So like, I GET them mistaking me for a boy. But then they INSISTED, even after my friend and I told them multiple times I was not. I don't think I NEEDED to be misgendered this way to understand trans people, but that experience definitely underlined my sympathetic understanding later on.

I felt decidedly un-pretty in that moment. And I hadn't really worried about it before, mainly prioritizing comfort, but that became one in a long line of insecurities that formed my tween years.

I feel less and less concerned about being considered masculine, but being referred to by masc pronouns still makes me feel icky. Checked in there, did not like, moved on. But I had this overall feeling of "I'm just... Me." Which I know is likely also the vibe of someone secure in their own gender. But I also find myself just. Not quite girl. And I don't mind feeling a bit like I have a "boyish" charm.

No real conclusion, here, just sharing the thoughts that kind of lead to the gender vibes.

[enigmaticpink]

I think some people forget that some literature and some media is meant to be deeply uncomfortable and unsettling. It's meant to make you have a very visceral reaction to it. If you genuinely can't handle these stories then you are under no obligation to consume them but acting as if they have no purpose or as if people don't have a right to tell these stories, stories that often relate to the darkest or most disturbing parts of life, then you should do some introspection.

[vsaintsin]

I’ve read some things that deal in sad/dark/actually depressing and disturbing subject matter. I’ve loved them and the points they make without endorsing the events portrayed.

It’s always disappointing to get online and see that the conversation is “X thing shouldn’t exist” on the grounds that it made somebody feel badly. It was meant to make you feel that way and it’s normal that it did - it’s okay that you stop reading it or don’t finish it but I am BEGGING you to consider why it made you uncomfortable and why the author felt the need (if the answer isn’t immediately obvious, as it can be). There isn’t shame in something putting you off so badly that you shelve it.

The sterilization of reality is a detriment to all who exist within it. To censor stories with painful themes is to erase the reality that such stories are based in some horrific truth and works to erase the reality that many people have endured.

This trend or whatever we want to call it has gotten so bad that I listened to an entire lecture from somebody about how awful a book was and how it shouldn’t exist at all, how the author was a terrible person for concocting it and how it hurt people. When I asked what the book was, this person not only could barely recall the name but HAD NEVER READ IT. I bought the book. I read the book. It accomplished its task beautifully and I found it to be a cathartic experience. I also understood how it could make people so uncomfortable and would never judge anybody for setting it down.

It’s okay not to like something and distance yourself from it. Remember that those rules apply only to you, though, because they speak only to your own psyche.

[tlbodine]

Periodic reminder that one of the many roles of fiction is microdosing on big scary feelings so you build resilience, empathy, understanding, and defense against the real thing.

[rambleonaud]

Thing my brain will not shut up about tonight:

There was this list post thing that went around the social medias a good while ago that was some gameplan by a person trying to figure out how they would be a better Evil Eternal Ruler and then basically proceeded to name all these systemic goods they would employ to prevent the uprising of some plucky orphan destined to overthrow them. And like. That's not the point. Like I get the bit of subverting tropes and stereotypes and all that, but you basically said "I'm gonna be the successful Great Evil by being Benevolent, Actually, but with a dark aesthetic."

The whole nature of the Evil Ruler is that they usually implement horrific institutions within their society that eventually breeds discontent and rebellion. Y'know. Like real life. And even if you treat everyone WITHIN your country wonderfully you probably then have enemies on the outside. Or if your end goal is like world-endingly evil, someone will obviously disagree from a moral standpoint. You could avoid One Very Specific fate, but who's to say that's the ONLY one, or that something wouldn't fall through the cracks in your labors to build this veritable evil utopia?

It's like saying "Pfft. I would obviously know better than those tragedy characters, because I would never fall for That Specific self-fulfilling prophecy." And like. A. Doubt it. Especially if you were LIVING the story. But B. The nature of the prophecy is built AROUND the characters reactions. If they are egotistical their folly will be them denying any possibility of it, or trying to cleverly subvert it. If they believe it and are paranoid, their paranoia and trying to avoid it becomes their downfall.

And that post was probably a joke, anyway, so this is way too overanalyzing, but welcome to my brain when I'm trying to sleep.

[rambleonaud]

I'm surprised there isn't a location-based social app based more around fandom or hobbies.

Like dating/friend apps are all well and good I guess but they're not specific enough. If you don't know where to connect locally with your fandom, or you're just too nervous to do it directly, you could seek out conversation with another person with your interests.

I think part of the answer to why not is that the existing apps are vague on purpose to keep people on them longer.

[rambleonaud]

I guess one bit of gratitude with having a period is if you had any sort of constipation nearing the end of your cycle, period says "no you don't"

[simplykaren]

Found this because of @sanddoc06 . No clue where it originally came from, but I had to share it.

[creature-wizard]

[Image description: Reddit post from user _Haliax_. It reads: Had a rotation with a pediatrician where we ended up in the classic encounter with an anti-vaccination parent.

This lady was a conspiracy theory magnet. She casually mentioned everything from 9/11 to chemtrails. Of course she loved the idea of the vaccine conspiracy as well, opting to not protect her one year old to stick it to big pharma.

I relayed all of this to my attending after my exam (I would see the patient first, gather history and do my exam to present to my attending physician). He got this sort of lazy smirk on his face that screamed “watch this”.

We go back into the exam room and we cover all of the important bits of a well-child encounter. Growth charts, behavioral milestones, nutrition, sleep…

And then we get to vaccines. She lists approximately 15 reasons why vaccines are more dangerous than the disease they protect against (lol) in addition to the various evils of the pharmaceutical industry.

My attending listens quietly until she’s done with her soapbox (about one eternity later), and then interjects with:

"Have you considered the possibility that anti-vaccine propaganda could be an attempt by the Russians or the Chinese to weaken the health of the United States population?"

In a moment of catastrophic cognitive dissonance, I swear I heard a strange popping noise as her brain misfired. It actually broke her. The allure of the increasingly ridiculous conspiracy theory was just too strong.

She ended up agreeing to a modified vaccine schedule. I was flabbergasted. My attending just grinned at me in response. To this day I'm not sure the medical ethics of the situation are totally palatable, but goddamn the result was amazing." End description.]

[elierlick]

The brain does not magically mature at 25. Actual neuroscientists note some 8-year-olds even have a greater "maturation index" than 25-year-olds. The myth misunderstands basic neuroscience but is still used for anti-trans policymaking like the Cass Report. https://slate.com/technology/2022/11/brain-development-25-year-old-mature-myth.html

[kendrixtermina]

I would really recommend that ppl read "The Mismeasure of Man" for a history of how shaky pseudoscience was often used to confirm social prejudices.

The 25 thing will be remembered alongside the "ape-like features of non-europeans", "criminal stigmata", the "missing ounces of the female brain" and the "average american's mental age of 12" (that time IQ tests were misrepresented as a measure of general intelligence to prove it was impossible to educate the working class.. a patently silly claim now that many countries have near-universal literacy.)

It's no coincidence that all this stuff is suddenly appearing at a time when younger ppl are kept from meeting typical milestones by a mix of helicopter parenting & a shitty economy

Neuroimaging is in its infancy. Just look at all those reports of "gender differences" that magically disappear with larger sample sizes.