2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
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@ramblingsofaspiritualbeing
God is good.
God is true.
God is just.
God is love.
God is our Father.
God protects.
God cares.
God redirects.
God is merciful.
God is powerful.
God changes us.
God can humble us.
God has a plan for each of us.
God never falters.
God never leaves us.
God is all-knowing.
God is ever-present.
God is my God.
I love my God.
Amen.
I overheard a woman at my job say "Your whole personality revolves around what you hate instead of what you love and thats an awful way to live." to the resident vocal Maga in the breakroom.
He was stunned into silence for at least 60 seconds so that was nice.
i think my heart was made for slow things. tea that takes time. stories that don’t rush. people who don’t ask "why are you so quiet?" as if quiet is a flaw.
embarrassment has good bones
When everything is embarrassing, that’s a sign that your passion is waking up, and it wants more. Your desire is a tender sprout that wants more water, more sunshine. It wants you to give up on SEEMING happy and in control and to start FEELING joy instead, even when it feels a little too big, even when it makes you cry, even when it forces you to question where you are and why.
Passion and desire and shame and sadness don’t signal that you have to change everything immediately, though. These are sensations that don’t require solutions. Your primary job, in the face of renewed lust for life, is to tolerate the shame of joy.
Because embarrassment is sometimes just a sign that you’ve never lived out in the open before, you’ve never cared more about a feeling than you care about how you’re coming across, you’ve never prioritized happiness over control.
This is why it’s good to take risks that might embarrass you regularly. Because every time you dare to embarrass yourself for the sake of who you are, you’re teaching your body to prioritize joy. You’re teaching yourself to let go of seeming better than the things you love. You’re showing yourself how to feel where you are — to soak in the cool fall air, to breathe in the moon, to love every lopsided moment of your glorious, flawed life.
Shame is a Side Effect of Desire, Heather Havrilesky
I Worried, Mary Oliver
Some women are conditioned to be fragile and weak, and to believe that it's a sin to outperform a man. Her feminism would involve allowing women to be strong.
Some women are expected to be strong at times when they can't. Her feminism would involve reassuring her that it's okay to not be strong.
Some neurodivergent people are raised to believe that they're too stupid to ever amount to anything. Their disability activism would involve reassuring them that they're capable.
Some neurodivergent people are raised to believe that they're smart and gifted, and are expected to live up to impossible standards. Their disability activism would involve allowing them to fail, make mistakes, be stupid, etc.
Some children are constantly reminded "you're the child, I'm the adult" in order to deny their autonomy. Their youth rights activism would involve treating them like an adult at times when they feel ready for it.
Some children are treated like adults in order to justify increased expectations or to downplay abuse against them. Their youth rights activism would involve allowing them to be a child.
There is no one-size-fits-all solution to oppression. Each individual person's experience is different. Whatever trauma is caused by their oppression, the activism should focus on undoing it.
"male loneliness epidemic" is misleading because it implies that men are suffering because they can't get girls when I feel like the actual problem is that pretty much any online content that's aimed specifically at men conceptualizes the masculine ideal as what I call the Buff Scammer. there are only two things in this world that matter, says the Buff Scammer: being jacked and making money. how you get to either of those things doesn't matter, you just need to be as rich and as buff as possible or you have failed as a man. Get into drop shipping. Eat nothing but raw meat. Rugpull a memecoin. Remove seasonings from your diet. Sell an online course. Go to the gym daily. Starve yourself so your body will achieve ketosis and start burning fat. Attend a seminar on real estate investing. Work 80 hours a week. Take steroids but don't let anyone know about that part. Flip a YouTube channel after 10xing the subs. Sell AI art on Etsy and AI audiobooks on Amazon. What's that? You're trying to do this to get girls? Why would you care about women? Women are all stupid whores who don't help you get richer or buffer. The only people you should be paying attention to are other rich, buff men. If you do hang out with women you should be pimping them out on Chaturbate so you can at least get an ROI off your time spent not thinking about men. Male friends? You don't have time for friends. You should be hustling and grinding 24/7 365. And if you absolutely do need to spend time around other men you should only be spending time with other buff scammers so you can collaborate on entrepreneurial ventures. Like Jesus Christ even writing this is exhausting I feel like trying to be this dude would be fucking miserable like not only did you turn yourself into a friendless, materialist, misogynistic asshole who can only conceptualize the world in terms of value extracted but you're NOT EVEN HAVING FUN DOING IT!!!!!!
At some point in my transition, the "hate yourself, get an eating disorder, buy product" messaging I get switched from woman flavor to man flavor, and omfg. What the hell is this shit!
The "woman" version would often disguise itself as self care. There's this facade of softness and gentleness. ("indulge yourself: buy skincare! do what's right for YOU: starve yourself and smile emptily at zucchini noodles! this is empowering. your body is a temple, divine feminine chakra mother!!!") In the man version, no such thing. Self compassion is not allowed. You've got to brutally grind yourself into the shape of a Real Man or die trying, but you don't get to *enjoy* being the Real Man because comfort is for girrrrrrlllssss.
My dangerous trans gender ideology is that being a man should be enjoyable. If there's nothing fun about it, change your approach or stop being a man.
this is a comic about living with hyperfixations and how they tie into those happy feelings that are just gone after they end, that is until the cycle starts again, however far away in the future that might be, like something u can borrow but you can never really make it stay
I settled on having it look like a relationship bc the similarities kinda haunt me, this has been on my mind a lot since I've had no fixations for 6 months and I'm now trying to adjust to living without, so I wanted to put it in art form :')
Masterclass in darning
This is quantum physics in theory (incomprehensible unless you're a hardore math simp) but in practice it is Black Magic (you have to sell your soul and sabity in order to perform it).
btw @ everyone who can't wrap their heads around this, here's a longer video going into more detail about prepping the damaged area and mending/darning technique with actual explanations!
rb with this more detailed method which will make a more lasting mend.
Favorite Drawings of 2024. What animals should I draw in 2025?
hey so protip if you have abusive parents and need to get around the house as quietly as possible, stay close to furniture and other heavy stuff because the floor is settled there and it’s less likely to creak
socks are quieter than bare feet on tile/wood and for the love of god don’t wear slippers/shoes if you can help it
climbing ON the furniture will disrupt the pattern of your footsteps and make it harder to hear where you are in the house
crawling will do the same and if you get caught crawling you can pretend you fell
the floor near the wall can be really loud if the floorboards/carpet is old and not completely flush to the wall
do NOT attempt to use a rolling chair to travel without footsteps. they are extremely loud and hard to steer
Also. Breath with your mouth and not your nose. Your nose will whistle. Trust me. If you need to get into your fridge, jab your finger into the rubber part that seals the door closed and create a tiny airway. This will prevent the suction noise when you open the door. When drinking liquids (juice mostly), pour out your glass (or chug from the jug) and replace what you drank with water. If it was full enough in the beginning, no one will notice. DO NOT STEAL ALCOHOL. THEY WILL NOTICE IF IT’S WATERED DOWN. Bring a pillowcase for dried foods like cereal and granola. It helps to muffle the sound it makes when it pours.
If your house has snack packs (like gummy bears or crackers or chips), count them every day until you know the rhythm that they get consumed. (This took me a week and a half with my twin brother and sister). Then join the rhythm when you make your nightly visits. It will be that much harder to figure out it was you.
KEEP A TRASH BAG UNDER YOUR BED FOR WRAPPERS AND STUFF BUT DONT FORGET TO THROW IT OUT WHENEVER YOU CAN. BUGS YKNOW. Hope this helped.
I might have some useful info to add.
-a jar of peanut butter is long lasting and easy to hide under a bed or in a dresser drawer. I lived off of jars of peanut butter and boxes of saltine crackers I would buy on grocery trips with my mom.
-two words: Slipper Socks. These are the socks that have rubber designs on the bottom for grip. They make no noise, and also keep you steady on slicker surfaces like tile and wood. You can find them cheap at Walmart. They also keep your feet more protected if you’re outside.
-if you’re secure enough in your room to have a small food stash, make sure you’re not too obvious about it (duh) but also move its location every few days. I kept mine in a shoebox under my bed, then switched it to a backpack in my closet, then wedged between my bookshelf and wall, and I would cycle locations until i moved it permanently to a false-bottomed drawer I installed in my dresser when my father was gone for a weekend. I would NEVER put food directly into my stash after taking it. I would keep it in pockets of my clothes and between books until everyone went to sleep, then I’d stock and stow my stash for the next few days.
-get a water bottle with a filter in it. I used to be able to reach my bathroom from my bedroom door down the hall using a huge step or minor jump/leap. If I was afraid of being caught at night, I’d fill up the humidifier tank we kept under our sink while I took a short shower, and would refill my water that way. It might not be the best option, but I kept a small stockade of water under my bed for emergencies.
-if you can, smuggle your garbage out in your backpack or purse. Dispose of it at work/school. I got caught twice by carelessly throwing away packaging.
-if someone knows the situation you’re going through (close friend/partner/etc) see if there’s a way for them to get food or other supplies to you at school or work or what private time you may get. A hidden first aid kit literally saved parts of my body before and I owe it to a close friend.
-try learning the building’s natural rhythm. The house I grew up in would creak and settle heavily every night for 3-5 minutes. That was my shot, and I had to be QUICK. I still got caught a few times, but learning the patterns in our floors and walls, when they creaked, WHERE they creaked, kept me going. Eventually I was sprinting in slipper socks to the kitchen and back in less than 90 seconds.
-if you have stairs, or live upstairs. Sit as you go down them one at a time, or climb up them like an animal. It keeps you low/out of lots of motion sight, and also can reduce noise and creaking by distributing weight over more than 1-2 steps.
-You can use common hand sanitizer to remove the stains certain snack foods leave behind (coughs cheeto fingers) and a dry toothbrush can help scrub the color off your tongue. If you can get powdered toothpaste or toothpaste tabs to keep on hand, it makes a huge difference in sneakiness.
-I don’t recommend going for dried foods like granola or cereal unless you can sneak it to a secure place to get it. It’s too loud, it’s a gamble every time for something with less caloric intake than it’s worth if you get caught. Of course, there are times when that’s the only option!!
-if you’re taking milk, add water, but be SURE to shake/agitate the bottle to distribute the dairy fat with the water. I got into the habit of shaking milk jugs when I started sneaking it, and explained the habit as something I read in an old comic strip my father showed me. (Back when whole milk had a lot more cream fats and they’d separate, so shaking it would redistribute the cream.) I still shake milk jugs to this day.
-if your windows open or don’t have screens, eat leaning out an open window. Any food mess will be lost in the dirt. I was lucky I had bushes and birds outside that would catch my granola bar crumbs before anyone could notice.
-canned goods are tempting, but not worth it. It requires too many tools (can opener/strained sometimes/utensils/some need heat) stick to thinks like various nut butters (sunflower/peanut/almond), crackers, dried fruit, and easy to conceal food bars (nature valley/nutrigrain/etc.) dried ramen packets are good uncooked if you can stand the texture. Apple sauce and pudding cups are also easier to sneak and stash than one might think, and can be eaten with your fingers. The only canned foods I recommend are condensed soups and precooked pasta (spaghetti-o’s). You can easily mix them with a little bit of hot water from the tap and get something more sustaining than a handful of captain Crunch. The cans are cheap, sometimes recyclable, and drinking soup takes way less time than chewing solid food.
-if you menstruate, attempt to stash pads/tampons in a safe location. Sometimes shit happens. Pads can work as bandages in emergency situations. Sometimes shark week comes unexpectedly. If you can sneak a roll of toilet paper or paper towels, these are also life savers.
-plastic utensils from takeout containers can be hidden inside socks and will be worth their weight in gold when you least expect it. I bought myself a tiny plastic bowl from the dollar store and kept cheap trinkets in it on my desk so it didn’t seem like a bowl I was eating out of. You could try this with something like a mason jar, which is also useful for drinking out of or storing water.
-if you’re eating a crunchy or solid food, try soaking it in water. Mushy food can be repulsive in texture, but I could clock the sound of someone eating a nature valley oat bar from like 6 miles away. Dunking it in water (or using a secret bowl+water) can reduce noise, and also eating time since you don’t have to chew as much.
-keep a laundry bar or tide pen on you. Laundry bars are super useful, a little hard to find though. I washed a lot of stains out of my clothes with laundry bars in my bathroom sink as a kid. Not proud if it, but it kept me flying under the radar at school.
-clear rubber bands, plain twine or string, paper clips, and thumb tacks. Indescribably useful. I once rigged a system to open tricky cabinets and get objects from inside using two paper clips and a foot of plain string like a mock lasso system.
-if you’re pulling objects from tall cabinets, use your chest or stomach to cushion them. Let them fall into your torso and then into your hands cradled underneath. Not as loud, not as much grabbing, if someone sees it they can mistake it for it falling on you by the body language.
-get a bandana. Or four. Napkins, bandages, tool, and accessory all in one.
-get a tiny sewing kit. I’m talking 3 needles and a spool of thread tiny. Scissors if you can sneak it. See things into your clothes. Make hidden pockets or compartments. Threadbanger on YouTube did a video a few years ago about sneaking things into music festivals using tiny clothing mods, but they may be useful in sneaking money or medicine.
-on the topic of sneaking money. don’t take bills, take change. If your abusers don’t meticulously count their nickels and pennies, they’re an easy(ish) way to build up a tiny savings pool. I found nickels the least noticed coin I took, even more than pennies, and taking two every few nights from where they’d be tossed on our countertop soon built up to a semi-reliable fund I passed off to someone to get me food for my stash without having to sneak it from the kitchen. As soon as I became “independent” in my food storage, I was subjected to much less scrutiny. I managed to build up a solid 1-2 week ration supply after hoarding change.
-you can tape SD cards to the inside of book dust covers(the part that folds inside the actual cover of the book), if you have a sewing kit or zipper on it inside the stuffing of your pillow (trim a corner, stuff it inside, stitch it closed) or (this is final resort) VERY CAREFULLY remove the covering from your outlet and tape it to the wall stud before replacing the casing. I kept mine inside part of my wooden bed frame that I hollowed out using, you guessed it, take out silverware knives and 4 nights without sleep.
-THE FLOOR IS LAVA WAS KEY TRAINING FOR ME AS A CHILD. I learned to take pillows with me, climb on furniture to disrupt my flow of movement, toss a pillow down, and use that to cushion any rattle our living room could give off as I crept to the kitchen from the side entrance so my mom’s dog wouldn’t bark or alert anyone. I highly suggest crawling around on all fours like some sort of beast to stay out of sight.
-can you run your house blindfolded?? If you can’t. Maybe you should try to learn. I suffered some heavy eye traumas growing up and had a collective 3-4 months just IN THE DARK. Eyes bandaged, left alone. It was terrible, but damn if I couldn’t navigate the whole place silently, without any visual cues. This helps a lot with the whole moving around in the dark thing, too. Listening is obviously key.
-if your parents start getting suspicious, or you’re suspicious they’re getting suspicious, watch out for traps. String on the ground that gets shifted when you walk on it. Baby powder or flour left to track footprints or doors opening/closing. My dad was partial to wrapping a bungee cord around my doorknob and attaching it to the closet across the hallway. I wouldn’t be able to open my door enough to get out, or if I did, I risked ruining the structural integrity of the wrappings he did, and he would notice.
-learn to tie some knots. Strong ones. They’ll come in handy at one point or another.
-remember that you’re not totally alone. There’s people out there for you. Wanting to make everything better. You don’t deserve what’s happening, it isn’t normal, and you will eventually find help. But staying safe is important, and you are important.
It upsets me that people might need to know these but I know it could really help someone by reblogging
ALWAYS REBLOG
Enneagram Explained 😇 The Virtues & Vices 🙏 (Golden Shadow) 🥹 Learn the Enneagram
Written by Larissa
The video has more off-the-cuff elaborations than is written below if you also prefer or like watching/listening.
we’re doing our type wrong
We’re trying to achieve our type’s “virtue” backwards - by doing our “sin” via the behaviour of our “fixation.” Our “virtue” feels *dangerous* to us (personality trap).
You might say: “What do you mean I can just be __(virtue)__?”
Our personality/ego creates a tangled web, hoops to jump through, beliefs, blocks, imaginary threats. And that obstacle course is our “fixation.” This is how we do our sin (in order to achieve our “virtue”). Confused yet?
Our ego/type tells us that if we do our “fixation” we will achieve the “virtue.” But it doesn’t work that way. You have to let go of the fixation in order to achieve the virtue.
This is what is known as the Personality Trap. It’s the LIE that keeps the pattern running. It’s the belief that we have to be a certain way to exist. It’s the carrot on the end of the stick that we can never reach. (See more on Personality Traps here).
Obviously it doesn’t work! And the more we try and achieve that “Virtue” (the wrong way) the more we dig into our Personality Trap/Fixation and act out our Vice/Sin.
It’s an elaborate illusion that prevents us from JUST BEING.
TYPE ONE
Type 1 is trying to achieve “serenity” via “anger” - being overly critical, judgmental, perfectionistic, hunting out what’s bad, wrong, inefficient, unacceptable. By perfecting, judging and correcting they will finally be able to be “serene.”
They seek serenity and release from their ego’s death grip by *fixing* things, others, themselves.
But 1's can *just be*: perfect, free of judgment, good, right, acceptable, efficient, whole by just allowing what is without taking a red pen to it.
This need to achieve serenity is expressed outwardly as anger.
TYPE TWO
Type 2 is trying to achieve “humility” via “pride” - being overly nurturing, flattering, giving, self-sacrificing, other-oriented and even intrusive in the pursuit of being indispensable and necessary.
They seek humility and release from their ego’s death grip by fixating on others’ needs and neglecting their own, and becoming needed by others. Because then it “justifies” them finally getting their needs met. (But it actually makes them appear covertly narcissistic, because they often make what other people are doing all about them.)
2's can just give themselves what they want. They don’t need to ingratiate themselves to justify getting their needs and desires met. They need to own their needs instead of getting that justification indirectly.
TYPE THREE
Type 3 is trying to achieve “truthfulness” via “deceit” - by fixating on accomplishments, achievements, their “image”, their value, how they measure up, then they will finally be able to be authentic.
They seek authenticity and release from their ego’s death grip by fixating on what will get them positive attention or will allow them to feel valued, appreciated, loved and/or admired.
But 3's can just be authentic and derive their worth and value from being true to themselves, loving themselves, and inspiring others to do the same. If they let go of the need for external validation, they become free to just be who they are and that is enough.
TYPE FOUR
Type 4 is trying to achieve “equanimity”(even-temperedness) via “envy” - by fixating on authenticity, separation, beauty, horror/darkness, “the truth” (truth of human condition/depth/beauty), then they will finally be able to be even-tempered, calm, without ill-will or frustration.
They seek equanimity and release from their ego’s death grip by fixating on how different, unique, cursed, deep, romantic, dark, creatively separate they are. Which of course, only serves to do the opposite as they often present as melodramatic, pretentious, moody and cringe-ily “dark.”
But 4's can just be equanimous and derive that sense of “separation”, “depth” and “uniqueness” just by fully embracing that they’re part of the human miasma and their relatability will actually deepen both their experience and their expression. And dare I say, embodying abundance.
TYPE FIVE
Type 5 is trying to achieve “non-attachment” (openness, letting go) via avarice, withholding, hoarding, “objectivity”, logic, competency and specialization. Once they have that on lock, they will finally be able to withstand the intrusive, invasive nature of reality.
They seek non-attachment through means of actualizing some kind of competency concern, a specialization, insight that creates a rejection wall between themselves and the masses. By rejecting entanglements and emotional messiness, it allows them to fend off attacks, invasions, intrusions and having to be part of the proletariat.
But 5's can just be non-attached, open and let go of the fear by normalizing being present in the human experience that they reject.
TYPE SIX
Type 6 is trying to achieve “courage” (self-trust) via overdoing security. they do this by outsourcing their thinking to others (experts, institutions, leaders, academia, books, someone they admire, etc) and seeking agreement or support from those around them. Then finally, when they know enough and have garnered enough stability, they can “leave the nest” and confidently trust themselves.
When 6's trust themselves over others, and turn inwards first versus outwards they can build up their courage and become brave warriors and leaders. Security must be found from within, or the feeling of security in the “insecure.” Learning to pull up trust and let go of outcomes, even the worst of circumstances will enable them to become more self-assured.
TYPE SEVEN
Type 7 is trying to achieve “sobriety” (presence, focus, calm, gratitude) via “gluttony” - pursuing many interests, shiny objects, experiences, people. They’re driven by frustration like Goldilocks. They want to find the juiciest peach that will always satiate them. Then finally, they can settle down and be present.
The problem is that there is no juicy, eternal delicious peach. The 7 can only truly experience presence, appreciation, gratitude and freedom by allowing those sensations into the present moment. Appreciating the boring instead of planning the next adventure or pursuit. Staying with what is, instead of what could be. Ingratitude only attracts more frustration and disappointment. So finding the ‘green pastures’ with what they already have is key to 7's actually getting what they want, deep down.
TYPE EIGHT
Type 8 is trying to achieve “innocence” (vulnerability, openness) via “lust”. They overdo power, expansion, acquisition, and domination. Once they finally feel safe in their rejection castle, then they finally allow themselves to let the wounded, vulnerable, innocent child inside out.
It can seem like life or death to let their guard down, but 8's can only truly achieve true leader and protector status by becoming more benevolent and tapping into their innocence, tenderness, care, softness and vulnerability. They have to allow themselves to be attacked, betrayed, and exploited. They’ll find they’re pleasantly surprised by the relationships they can build when they’re not trying to control everyone and everything that might be in their field of view.
TYPE NINE
Type 9 is trying to achieve “action” (aligned and self-propelled) via “sloth”. They overdo inaction, procrastination, dissociating from what they really want, following other people’s agendas in the hopes that they will finally find the sustained motivation to do what they deeply desire and be who they truly want to be.
By putting “inner peace” and “harmony” above their own desires it creates a dissonance in themselves and resentment builds up. It’s important for 9's to locate what they desire, or take actions toward locating it by trying different things that appeal to them (regardless of if it causes short term conflict, rubs someone the wrong way, or causes them discomfort). The more they practice this, the more aligned they become to their true heart’s desires and the more aligned their actions become.
If you want to further explore the Hell of yourself join the membership. Want to get typed or coached by me? Book here.
The Horror of Heart Types 👹🫀 Enneagram Types 2, 3 & 4 (How to Type People)
by Larissa
I get asked a lot what Enneagram material I recommend, and my go-to is Riso & Hudson. I’ll be expressing previously understood and uncovered concepts as well as my own interpretations. My understanding pathway is informed by what I find profoundly irritating about the types via personal experience, so this won’t be a flattering, soft-focus Baby Blue production. More like a handheld camera with cubicle office lighting that makes everyone look like they’re decaying and septic.
We’re all doing our own Ego’s version of being terrible. Don’t worry, none will be left unscathed. If you’re a pain piggie, please enjoy torturing yourself in the name of enlightenment and self-growth.
MISINTERPRETING THE SELF-IMAGE 👀
Image Types or Heart Types (Enneagram 2, 3, 4) are “shame” types - or another way to look at it is a type that’s trying to avoid shame. Their unconscious goal is to circumvent feeling humiliation through their self-image, identity and sense of self. All attempts to drag their self-concept through mud, “misrepresent” it or distort it must be fended off (even if it’s true).
Image Types are trying to outrun the hounds of shame by fixating and doubling-down on their self-concept. Their existence hinges on being able to deflect shame hot potatoes and keep their fantastical self-symbol alive and protected. Hiding in the closet from the barking dogs that howl, “You’re not the way you think you are! Here’s how you actually are!”
If you inadvertently trigger this wound, this fight or flight response, and unknowingly pass them a shame hot potato, you might find it spiked back into your face. Triggering this response can come about by doing or saying something that reveals to them they’re not in alignment with how they think they are.
For a 2, that upset could be caused by you pointing out where their “help” had negative consequences; you don’t need their help with something they’re trying to insert themselves in, suggesting they have a self-motivated agenda, or by not appreciating the 50 cookies they brought to the party. Reductive, but also true. You made them feel unnecessary or seen as uncaring.
For a 3, that can be treating their value (usually dictated by the instinct) as trivial or unimportant. 3’s can even be triggered by encountering someone who is “better” at whatever their ego resides in (being attractive, competent, skilled, talented, popular or prolific - something that’s instinctually “valuable” to them and usually others).
For a 4, that could be something as simple as treating them as if they’re not a rarity, not catering to their preciousness, or forgetting to walk on eggshells in their presence. Or if you compare them to someone or their creations to something else. You might get a cutting look or a “How dare you?” if you request them to engage in lowly trash pursuits (4w3) or something that’s showy and fake (4w5). 4’s are the only ones allowed to have a rider of special exceptions everywhere they go (it’s implied, not necessarily dictated). To expect them to participate like a regular person is insulting.
And it doesn’t matter if the 2 isn’t actually helpful or needed, the 3 isn’t actually valuable or impressive, or the 4 isn’t actually rare or deep. This is the lie they must believe about themselves in order to survive. 2’s, 3’s, and 4’s will do anything to keep the shame hot potato from staying in their lap. They must spike it away from themselves; eject it from their consciousness lest it wrap its roots around their heart and devour their most prized organ (and sense of identity).
SHAME & “THAT’S NOT ME” 😳
All image types auto-reflexively “no” at “misinterpretations” of their self-image (how they see themselves). It’s a dagger straight into their sense of worth. It can inflict agony upon them to be confronted with information contrary to the fantasy they paint of themselves. How this “no” can manifest is quite literally (“No, (insert image correction)...”), doubling down on what they said, repeating the same thing in a different way, a hostile over-reaction, or getting irritated and ending the interaction. Everyone has a heart center, so we all do our heart center to a degree, but you’ll notice this kind of thing more with core Heart/Image Types.
This process is not about you, it’s about the Image Type and how they perceive themselves. And this mirage is created to avoid the pain of shame on the identity level. Shame can make you feel violated, disgusting, degraded and left in tatters on the floor. As if someone has pissed in your face. Which is why “hostility” is associated with the image center (although other types can be hostile), because this is the hill they’ll die on. It’s where their self-worth resides.
A 2 “no’s” at you “misunderstanding” their loving, positive and helpful good intentions - how could it be anything but that? I am but an angel of spiritual nutrition and delicious tiddy to all who are worthy. They’ll double-down on how charitable and big-hearted they are. To be seen as uncaring or self-serving would cause them tremendous shame. Therefore, they have no malintent, nothing they do ever has negative consequences, and you (dependent, family, lover, close friend) absolutely need them. And if they feel you don’t need them and they cannot create a situation in which you do need them, the relationship may experience a rough patch. Because not being needed or having their caring received as caring, is so painful to them on the identity level. They may continuously try to become necessary in your life, often like a broken record, offering you what they think you “need” via their dominant instinct (social, sexual or self-preservation aka money/food/useless shit).
A 3 “no’s” at you “misunderstanding” their valuable, attractive and skilled - whether it’s actual skills (sp), popularity (so) or sex appeal/magnetism (sx) - self-image. This will be flavored by their wings. Maybe you misunderstood (or interrupted) their 3w2 story about a special connection they had with someone else (which insinuates their value), or how people threw them a party (which insinuates how desirable they are to others). Or, perhaps, you interrupted or misunderstood their existential 3w4 story about how the grind is wearing them down (which insinuates they suffer for their success) or how other people are getting in the way of their success (it’s never a 3’s fault - they’re perfect), or how all of these people find them so attractive that they’re constantly being hit on (insinuating their sexual market value). You’ll understand, they are more or better than others in some area their ego likes to hangout. Because to feel “less than” or a “loser” in this category stirs up a great deal of shame and horror. It makes them feel worthless, which causes them to go into the 3’s coping strategy of Image PR Mode - and if that means destroying you in the process, so be it. If you wound a 3’s self-image by not recognizing or appreciating their worth - or worse, you inadvertently outdo them, call out their competitive BS, or point out the holes in the mounting deceptions they’re weaving - they will set out to ruin your image and reputation behind the scenes to pass the Shame Hot Potato onto you. (Personal experience, verified.) They do this to regain their sense of self and fend off the hounds of shame at the door.
A 4 “no’s” at you “misunderstanding” their tragic, unfixable and precious separateness - you can’t and won’t be able to understand it or relate to it (by design). A 4 is the only one not wearing a mask (this is their Ego talking), and existing in a plane of personal and creative significance and meaning that is unknowable to others. They will auto-reflexively have a disgust response if you (a phony) attempt to insert, compare or attach your shallow experience to the melodramatic romance and artistic suffering of their experience. Or worse, you try to inflict your hideous “vision” or “aesthetic” onto them. Because you’re being fake and they aren’t. You can’t possibly relate to their experience, because that would mean they have something in common with an empty low-life like you. Not possible - their ego will not allow that narrative to invade the 4’s consciousness. And so it is you who are in the wrong for attempting such an act of profanity. They may even try to unconsciously “one-up” your sob story/special melodrama with the kind of shit that many people keep hidden or would view as a weakness or defect. There’s not room for more than one special exception, just so we’re clear.
More on 4 (because why not?)...
For most people, relating is how they feel “safe” and connect with others. Relating and connecting puts the 4’s entire self-concept in danger. It’s ruining their fantasy (which is everything). If they “relate” to you, give you special attention, or invite you into their experience, they are making a sacrifice or they’ve taken a shine to you. This is a grand act of generosity, from their perspective. This is not autopilot. They do not feel obligated to do this. This is a conscious choice and it is your honor. They’ve carved out a little cushion for you, treasured guest. And because the “special exception” type has made a special exception for you, it can leave them feeling utterly violated and degraded if they made the wrong call (and the other person may have no idea what they even said or did to insult the 4 because their list of qualms are so specific to them).
A 4 wishes to connect under the mask, into the depths and truth of someone (which is often disturbing to others, negative, horrible or tragic). If they’re making the great sacrifice of connecting with you, it’s because they deem you worthy of their highly limited and precious “other-oriented” resources. There’s something they find special about you (often conditionally) but it’s an act of charity on their part. When a 4 is being “kind” to someone, it’s because it’s reflecting back to them something meaningful about themselves or because they find something significant in their connection with that person. Maybe that person speaks to their heart, seems sincere enough to engage with, or is so fascinating, beautiful, or conversely strikingly hideous to the point of intrigue, that they capture the 4’s sense of romance or imagination. Or maybe they can just sense a creative pearl forming beneath the surface that a reactive-heart interrogation would bring to the surface.
Having said that, good luck if you’re actually suffering and expect the 4 to hold space for more than an hour while you out-suffer their suffering. An unconscious horror will wash upon them as they become less and less the tragic star of their own film, and may have to quickly end communication, “one-up” you with their own tale of woe or some other tragic affair or spin a narrative of how you somehow cursed them or interrupted their creative process, or some such.
IMAGE ATTACK & IDENTITY NUDITY 🩸🗡️
When an Image Type’s image is “attacked” (whether it actually is or not), they feel naked and disgusting. As if the lights have all been turned on inside the house and they didn’t have time to get dressed and make themselves look good. And every wall is now a magnified reflective surface - a house of distorted mirrors, a carnival freakshow. You’ve seen something they don’t want you to see, because it’s something that even they cannot look at themselves. And now they’re staring at it and cannot look away. It’s something that makes them feel so profoundly inadequate that they had to create this heart-shaped fantasy in order to cope with it. For someone else, that “thing” may be totally “whatever” but this is the thing the Heart Type’s soul has chosen as its cross to bear.
The 2 fears they’re unlovable and unworthy if they’re not loving and nurturing. They will be lost in the sea of others, with no one who cares about them and no connections to their own heart (because their heart’s survival requires the blood of others). They control the narrative of their heart by self-sacrificing, giving and loving. They turn themselves into a nest that holds you and cares for you and you cannot survive without.
The 3 fears they’re unlovable and unworthy if they’re not valuable, desirable, and impressive. They will be lost in the sea of others, and overlooked and forgotten. They control the narrative of their heart by comparing, competing and achieving. They turn themselves into a desirable “star”, a recognizable and impressive trophy. They often surround themselves with other trophies that make them look good by proxy (reflecting back their worth), or make them appear more impressive when sitting next to them on a shelf (because they’re a smaller/less impressive trophy but still acceptable to their image to associate with or gain a supply of validation from).
The 4 fears they’re unlovable and unworthy if they’re common, shallow and relatable. They’ll be lost in the sea of the faceless masses, with no creative significance or true meaning. They control the narrative of their heart by withdrawing, distancing and separating themselves. They turn themselves into a rare, precious, cryptic and one-of-a-kind symbol. This isn’t dissociating or ghosting to the 9’s who relate to this, this is melodramatic and active pain used to self-generate ink and paint. Their absence is noticed. That’s the point.
This pain of abasement is so profound and bone-rattling, that the Image Type will do anything to avoid it - both consciously and unconsciously.
IMAGE TYPES & THEIR RELATIONSHIP TO THE “MIRROR” 🪩
Image types are “mirror” types insofar as it’s all about how they see themselves and how that is reflected back to them. I personally think all Image Types view other people as an appendage or reflection of themselves. 2’s to feel needed and loved, 3’s to feel valued and worthy, and 4’s to feel separate and creatively significant.
The Image Center is using you to bolster their self-concept.
2’s use you to feel loved, needed, and give themselves permission to have and do something they feel too ashamed to have/do directly. You’re needed for their Superego to justify the love they show themselves. They gave you their old sweaters - an act of self-sacrifice - and now they have permission to buy themself a new one. They put you first (their child, or loved one) and sacrificed their big dream, and so now they get to (shamelessly) live through your dream, knowing without them your dream would not have been possible.
3’s use you to elevate their self-image and sense of worth and value through comparison, competition, imitation and emulation. 3’s need you (whether you’re someone they admire, aspire to be like, someone they view as a rival or a rung on a ladder, or perhaps you’re someone they wish to acquire - like a trophy wife, or possess something they want) in order to feel self-worth. Once they have your validation or praise, they feel worthy. Once they have achieved something you could not achieve, they feel worthy. Once they’re seen as the exemplar, then they finally feel good enough. They need you, because without you they have no metric of their worth.
4’s use you to deepen their experience and understanding of themselves through whatever roiling emotions and tragic narratives they’re projecting onto you - disgust, unhinged passion, love of their life, despair, inutterable hatred, etc. Or perhaps you serve some utility in their self-excavation (a cameraman documenting the story of their life). Or perhaps being in your presence reinforces the narrative that they’re separate and “deep” because compared to you, shallow vulture, they can’t help but be. The juice you provide is specific to the narrative that the 4 has created about themselves that highlights how distanced they are from others. And when you fail to deliver on this highly implausible fantasy or you fail to see and adequately appreciate how special they are - OR heaven forbid, your needs become too front and center - they will paint you fuckin’ OUT of frame in the most melodramatic or insulting way possible (insofar as it feeds into their tragic narrative of suffering and separation). 4’s aren’t negatively identified with “separation” the way 9’s and 6’s are, they like it that way.
I want to reiterate that it’s not about you. It’s about them.
2 is pointing the mirror at you and seeing themself in the reflection. Your wins are their wins. Your achievements are thanks to their help. Your problems are their problems. According to the picture they paint, they even suffer more than you do when you’re in pain. They find self-worth and keep the hounds of shame at bay through how much you need them and are grateful for them.
3 is having sex with you in a wall-sized (or ceiling, depending on your preference) mirror. They’re watching themselves fuck you, dominate you, seduce you, manipulate you, outdo you, destroy you, even BECOME YOU - believing you’ll never have better and they should charge you for the experience. And after they’re done, they may even rob your ass or steal your spouse just because they can. Of course, how a 3 seduces, fucks and destroys you will be largely dependent on other factors of their personality (an SP/SO 3 with a 9 gut will be much more subtle about the entire affair because they’re more prone to gaslighting themselves about their own intentions, whereas an SP/SX 3-8 won’t be as bothered to hide their bloodlust). They find self-worth in this pursuit, and keep the hounds of shame at bay through comparison and value.
4 is looking at themselves in the mirror, and that is absolutely fascinating enough as it is. If they allow you into the picture with them, it’s because you’re changing the way the light hits them in a way that deepens their understanding of themselves or whatever they’re fixated on (which is also a reflection of themselves). Or you’re adding to the tragic, symbol-laden narrative they’re writing about themselves on the mirror. And if you take up too much space in the mirror, try and block their view of themselves and their writings, try and impose your agenda or influence on this experience, or bring in some kind of element that is repulsive to the 4, they will unceremoniously push you away from the mirror, and seal up whatever sewer pipe you crawled out of, you hideous reptile. It’s ok though, because now you’ve become fuel for a self-indulgent song or romantically grotesque painting. *wilted rose emoji*
This is reductive, but it’s necessary to understand what the type is doing by default:
For 2’s it’s all about your needs (to meet their needs).
For 3’s it’s all about their needs being met by temporarily adjusting themselves to your needs (and once their needs are met or they realize it’s a waste of time and energy, they will discontinue adapting).
For 4’s it’s all about their needs to meet their needs. They may get into codependent dynamics that support their effete lifestyle or creative opulence, but others are merely a life support system for them to actualize their artistic significance.
Can a 2 be openly selfish and stingy? Yes. Can a 3 authentically care about another person without an agenda? Yes. Can a 4 be kind and generous? Yes.
It’s just not the default program, nor where their sense of self feels “safe.”
Every single Enneagram type is a user and abuser. And they’re doing it in service of the horrifying cosmic epoxy that is holding our Ego in place (which we need to survive). Think of these tactics as survival mechanisms. Even ones that you interpret as malicious, are being largely unconsciously enacted by the person with the sole purpose of survival and their continued existence.
Because our Personality Type is the lie our Ego tells us to stay alive.
BEING THE “STAR” OF THE FILM & PUSHING OTHERS OUT OF FRAME 🎥🤩
When I started paying attention to how image types made me feel a few years ago, I noticed the unmistakable sensation of someone attempting to push me out of the frame of my own life’s film. Elbowing me out of the way (THE NERVE!) of MY personally created psychedelic New Beverly’s Worst Hits marathon, and insert themselves in it. Even if I didn’t invite them to the show.
“Look at me!” the desperate, wannabe screen stars scream as they try and edit over top of your film with theirs (2’s by intruding and “helping”, 3’s by outdoing and competing, and 4’s by being “difficult”). They desire to be the main character in all situations. You’re merely a bit player in their movie, an extension of themselves, or an object of frustration, affection or rivalry.
A 2 pushes you out of the frame to be your needed, adored figure (or to talk about how they’re the lead in someone else’s film who needs them), and draw attention to how loving and needed they are. While this means 2’s can be the one who will nurse you back to health, make sure you’re well-fed and cared for it can also manifest in them essentially “owning” you and having a level of control over your life. Whether it’s because you actually do need them (ie: financially, or they’re a go-between for something you desire) or because they find a way to constantly meddle and intrude - they’re indispensable. They become the star through “self-sacrifice”, martyrdom, manipulation and even hoe behavior if they have SX (like pampering someone else’s husband or being overtly sexual and gooey). You will know the 2 has invaded your frame when you feel a dozen wet tentacles wrap themselves around your independence, privacy, relationships and agency.
A 3 often enters your film by impressing you with something (which can involve bringing someone else’s ‘movie’ with them to indirectly highlight how valuable they are, whether it’s because the relationship makes them look good or they look good by comparison) or telling you something you want to hear. And if they find your movie more desirable than their current one, and it seems doable to them, once they’ve gained your trust and are squarely positioned in your film, they’ll begin the process of trying to straight up push you out of your own movie and replace you as the leading lady. And if you won’t allow them to edit themselves into your film and become the star, they’ll splice elements of your movie (the aesthetic, film score, dialogue, costumes and other characters) into their movie. And maybe even key your screen or try and steal your audience on the way out.
A 4 is in their own film. They aren’t trying to push you out of frame to accomplish anything other than keeping you out of theirs. They didn’t enter your film, you entered theirs. You taint it. Poison it. Make it ugly. They’re largely uninterested in whatever is playing in the other theater’s rooms (unless it speaks to them in a meaningful way). Perhaps you’re playing a catastrophically loud action film next door and their attention is unavoidably drawn to it. If they have to pause their film, they’ll be seeking to push your vulgar trash out of their screening room so they can resume filming. (This metaphor is getting messy, I know.) And they do this with brooding expressions of disgust, refusing to “participate,” dramatic or slyly cutting insults, or intentionally getting under your skin to invoke a negative reaction so they can see behind whatever false persona they think you’re presenting - real or imagined. They’re hoping by doing this it cuts the power to your projection room so you just go away, or as grounds to get a restraining order so you can never invade their sacred screening room again. And, if the 4 does invite you into their screening room to bear witness to their film, or even come in as a guest star or romantic interest, it comes with conditions and is revocable at any time. It will be on their terms, not yours.
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ENVY & HEART TYPES 🧿😡🥀
So envy, just like jealousy, is just an average human emotion that anyone could feel throughout their life and that doesn’t necessarily indicate type. I know quite a few envious hater 6’s and low-key envious 9’s. The most classically envious type (in my opinion) is 3. However, I believe Envy goes hand in hand with Shame, therefore Image Types are all “Envy” types (despite it only being associated with Type 4).
The definition, according to dictionary.com: “To envy is to feel resentful and unhappy because someone else possesses, or has achieved, what one wishes oneself to possess, or to have achieved.”
All Image Types are Envy types because they’re all about their self-image, and if information to the contrary comes in that someone is like or more of that self-concept than themselves it might trigger the fuck out of them. If they see that person as threatening to their self-concept then envy can arise. Because Image Types want to avoid the shame of not being how they desire to see themselves at all costs, envy can be highly activating to them.
If you’ve ever been in a room with a pair of 2’s, you know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s a nurturing and self-sacrificing competition. Who is the most caring and generous? It’s totally hilarious and revolting. The muffins flying, the offers of this favour and that favour, while also smiling and flattering each other. 2’s won’t identify with the emotion of “envy” (as a Superego Type), so they’ll seek to erase it through care and flattery because it goes strongly against their self-concept.
3’s envy and covet what you have, what you are, who you know, how you look, who you’re with, your success, etc, when it triggers their self-concept. What they envy are the things they think have “worth” or “value” where the Ego lives. If you have that in an area they do (or perceive as lack in themselves), then they will envy that. 3’s envy is in the conventional sense of the word. Higher health 3’s are more playful and light about this competitive aspect of themselves, but lower health 3’s can become quite calculated, sinister and underhanded when their “envy” is awoken. 3’s seek to do something about their envy as Assertive types. I think of low health 3’s as the Single White Female type, because once they get into envy mode they’re not just content to outdo you, they also want to replace and annihilate you.
4 envy is kind of pitiable, on some level. They envy people being able to just function and have some kind of normal life that feels unreachable to them because they’re simply so despairing and separate. Of course, they don’t actually want a regular life or to be functional like a regular person. As Withdrawn Types, they’re not going to do anything about this envy (except maybe just trashing the other person), because to do something about it would go against their self-concept. Their envy is like “Look at those mindless, plastic phonies going to their meaningless jobs.” They could easily do that too, but they don’t want to. Type 4’s envy is tainted by dysfunction, repulsion and hate.
A 3 will seek to destroy their rival or best them, but a 4 will look at that person as a way to make excuses for why they can never truly exist in congruency with this world (which feeds their self-image) or further unconscious fuel for separation. “If only I had a director dad, then I’d get my movie made… Of course they have an album, they’re a sell-out pod person… Oh, if only I was a cum-guzzling fraud, then I too could get an art show.” The irony is - like I already said - they don’t even really want whatever it is they’re enviously whining about, because if they got it they’d find a way to ruin it themselves.
3’s want success and will seek to maintain it. 4’s may entertain delusions of grandeur - being able to support themselves with their creations is ok (for a while), but “success” isn’t on the table. It may give them a temporary high before it quickly leaves them feeling disgusting. They’ll set fire to their entire life to just purge it from their psyche. It’s only by the grace of The Simulation that a bunch of notorious famous 4’s have maintained careers for as long as they have, despite being insufferable. And so, this envy is just a projection of self-hatred about their own self-indulgent uselessness more than anything else. Bitching and moaning is a recreational pleasure.
THE HEART CENTER COMES WITH STRINGS ATTACHED 🎻
2 is emotionally expanding outwards (service, care, you). 2 is emotionally self-indulgent outwards (masturbatorily overdoing their connections to others with intrusion, meddling, “helping”).
4 is emotionally expanding inwards (creation, reflection, me). 4 is emotionally self-indulgent inwards (masturbatorily overdoing their connection to self and their creations).
3 is emotionally triangulating between themselves and others. 3 is emotionally self-indulgent with others' gaze directed at them (masturbatorily getting hits of validation from others to feed the self).
TYPE 2: STICKY, SWEET STRINGS THAT LURE YOU IN BUT ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO WASH OFF
2’s heart strings are active tentacles. 2’s identity is pulled inside. Their self-worth is other-generated and it travels past the outer barrier. Tentacles that reach outward to feed and nourish itself.
Their focus is radiating out, pulling you inside of them, like Hansel & Gretel into the witch’s candy house, or a Kraken pulling you into its caring mouth. They want to fatten you up with love so you can’t leave. The more you depend on them, the more impossible it becomes to escape (sucks to be a 9 or 4 fixer). And when it’s time to collect, you’re going into the Ego’s oven to be baked to perfection and devoured. Your success will be because of them. Your new family home will be the one they move into or invite themselves to all the time.
2’s imprint on you, they leave their stink on you, they meddle and insert themselves. They are a drug you need (and probably didn’t ask for) in order to survive. Like a drug dealer: “The first one is free.” The 2 also has an agenda, and with that agenda comes entitlement. How this entitlement fucks them over is that it literally drives people away, running, screaming, erecting hostile boundaries full of booby traps to keep the milky teets and caring, prying fingers from being thrust into their faces and orifices.
2's put focus on you, so they don’t have to experience shame. By turning you into an appendage, or tasty baked morsel, your offering to the Shame Kraken keeps the fantasy of their kindness alive and keeps the roiling embarrassments at bay.
TYPE 3: THE HEART’S STRINGS ARE A GLISTENING RAZORSHARP TRAP
3’s heart strings create an invisible, glittering fishnet (that can become razor sharp with the flick of a wrist) and moves outwards and inwards. Their unconscious intention is to harvest trophies. While they're telling you what your own desperate little heart wants to hear, they're pulling everything they deem valuable of yours into their own image to enhance their self-worth. This might be your ideas, partner, friends, connections, energy/time/efforts, talents, knowledge or attention.
As long as you allow this transaction to occur seamlessly, continue to feed the image beast with praise or whatever their Assertive heart desires, while never doing anything to make their position or self-image feel threatened, you’re safe. But this false image they created just for you is also a trap. The moment you renege on this dynamic, it's like that scene in CUBE where the net comes down and slices you into tiny pieces. The fishing net you didn’t notice closing around you, that was shoplifting all of your treasures, pulls taut and cuts through every muscle and bone. And you’re severed in pieces on the ocean floor, wondering what the fuck just happened. Left watching as the 3 floats away with bags of your shiniest “trophies” to applause from the other people they have tangled in their image net of horrors.
As controllers of this net and the flowing waters around it, 3’s control the gaze towards their positive attributes, valuable assets, skills and accomplishments. They became what is desirable, and therefore they feel entitled to acknowledgement, appreciation and rewards - even if those “rewards” are your personal effects. They turned their heart into a 24/7 marketing team and they require compensation for the hard work. They might tell themselves they’re just competing with themselves, but they also want admiration and validation. Without it they wither.
This is how 3’s lose themselves to the entitlement of their Attachment Heart. That quest for ultimate validation turns them into someone who is not even them, tangled up in their own razor-sharp fishing net full of trophies that are now sinking them, weighing them down. A phantom of a xerox of a replica spinning around in a pile of silt. And all of the praise, awards, and riches mean nothing.
TYPE 4: THE HEART’S STRINGS ARE RUSTY STEEL THAT CUT YOUR FINGERS WHEN YOU TRY AND PLAY A SONG ON THEM
4’s heart strings are pointed inwards, the entrance is hidden, and the strings are taut and rusty like an old guitar’s. They’re soldered directly into the 4’s ribcage with viscera of past heartbreaks and slights interwoven. Their focus is on their own heart and find it difficult to put endless focus on others regardless of what they get in return - because nothing is more rewarding to a 4 than themselves and their private cave of reflective surfaces and tortured ghosts.
A 4 may have a lover they’re consumed with, but it’s feeding their fantasies with a narrative of some kind of otherworldly romance, that only serves to intensify their active, self-focused melodrama. And this can create tangles in the strings the more another person is involved. If you receive an invitation to the outer cavity of the rose-shaped dungeon ribcage, you’ll never be truly comfortable or alone with your beloved. The rusty steel strings will be cutting into your skin. You’ll be walking around on eggshells and waking up alone in bed to late-night howls in the corridors. And when you investigate what‘s going on at such an ungodly hour, you’ll find your 4 naked and sweaty with a muse (an apparition from the past or future, a freakish fascination, or another person who they “need” for creative fuel). And they’ll throw a jar of paint water at your head for interrupting the love-making process.
The deeper Type 4 goes into themselves (which is a life-long project), the more burrowed into their own prison they become until it collapses on them like a tomb. There is no exit. Visitors are invaders. 4’s heart is not just deep in the ribcage of self, it’s inside a vault with levels of passwords and symbols and booby traps. And if you try and put your hand in, the acid will get you. Do not confuse this with The Mask of 3 or 9. The 4 isn’t losing themselves to the hustle or connection, they’re not adapting to your face and secretly hiding another personality. They’ve simply crawled so deep inside their own ass that all they can smell is shit. You’ll smell it, too.
Unlike a 3 or a 9, 4’s are not really taking you into themselves. You may have an extended visitor pass, but it is just that - a visitor’s pass. And it’s entirely conditional upon your behavior enabling their MORE PRECIOUS THAN LYFE persona and self-centered activities. This isn’t to be confused with a 3 wanting to feel like the Star or VIP MVP Blah Blah Blah. If you take a broke and unknown 4, their life will probably be quite small and creating some kind of tortured artist existence in a leaky basement in some vacuous city they love to criticize, they drink to excess and eat their paint when they’re depressed, and make their girlfriend (or parents) pay for everything so they can finish some shitty life-altering, deep painting that once they’ve finished it they fucking hate - and they hate you too, dear loved one and supporter - to infinity and beyond. If you take a famous 4, their life may also be insular but they’re likely able to indulge many of the grand fantasies they have of their specialness, and will be able to bank roll ridiculous shit (like Prince and Paisley Park).
A 4 keeps their strings tight so they can snatch their heart back at any moment. No one truly holds it but the 4. Not to be confused with a 3’s “heartlessness.” 4’s simply can’t allow their heart to stray too far from their own rib cage for too long, before it starts to hiss and ash like a vampire in the sun. And they return to their faithful muse who never abandons them - themselves.
IMAGE CRAFTING - WHO IS ACTUALLY DOING IT? 👁️👄👁️ IS IT FAKE NEWS?
While “Image Types” essentially put forth an “image,” the concept of “image crafting” is (in my opinion) primarily the realm of 3. I’m not sure who came up with this concept, but it seems ancient and deeply embedded in Enneagram discussions spanning many groups. Perhaps this is semantics, but I think this aspect of “image” causes confusion for people who are actually a 3, 6 or 9.
2’s and 4’s don’t curate or “craft” how you see them, they are just aggressively doing their type. And you may misinterpret this “image,” but they’re not going to adjust their image to get the desired effect. They are just going to double-down on what they’re already doing, like a wind-up toy with feet that can only point in one direction. 3’s will adjust to get the desired effect (which is having their value appreciated and worth validated) which involves crafting, curating, adjusting, recreating, reassembling.
Masking, shifting, curating and crafting is the realm of Attachment/Adaptation (3, 6, 9).
All Attachment Types - because they are Adapting - are “crafting” an “image” to a degree. The projected Self is influenced by its surroundings and somewhat (if not wholly) malleable. Even 6’s, who are reactive types and therefore all about “realness” and authenticity do this, too. Because 6’s are adapting in the head center and wanting to find common ground with their chosen group, be liked, accepted or counterphobically backed up by a posse or outlier group - which necessitates a level of self-abandonment.
3’s are the ones actually “crafting an image” that they are “selling” you. They will fake it ‘til they make it (and this is something that has to be constantly maintained, updated, tweaked, renovated, split-tested and checked for outdated, out-of-fashion or undesirable aspects). 3’s craft their image to get their desired outcome, therefore their image is fluid and malleable (so long as it’s flattering to their Ego).
2’s and 4’s do their own type to their own detriment. There isn’t crafting involved. Just the same unsightly flea market atrocity, year after year.
2’s embody the nurturer archetype and they cannot veer from their programming, even if it would be to their benefit. A 2w3 may be a social climber (like a 3w2) but they’ll be doing it by ingratiating themselves and making themselves necessary to someone they deem important. A 3w2 can paint themselves as “necessary” to get their foot in the door, but it’s a crafted image to get a desired effect and they will craft a new charming one, moment-to-moment where necessary to get what they want. Because ultimately the 3 wants to be the shiniest and most valuable (not the one doling out cupcakes and kisses).
4’s are their image. They are the (self-inflicted) suffering artist, the embodiment of creativity and depth (in their mind) and even when they’re “with” you, it’s still all about deepening their own experience of self. Not about convincing you they are a certain way or upholding some kind of “image.” The concept of image is actually fucking disgusting to 4’s, because it implies there is something false about them. They may “correct” you if you paint them with the brush of a vapid commoner, but they’re unlikely to elaborate either because you’re not worth the pearls, swine. They may bring their ratty sketchbook with them everywhere they go, but it's in service of them reinforcing their self-image to themselves. You don’t need to witness it (unless they want you to).
Follow if reading these unflattering depictions of the types interests you.
💐👹
ᴄʜɪʟᴅʜᴏᴏᴅ ᴏꜰ ᴇɴɴᴇᴀɢʀᴀᴍ ᴛʏᴘᴇꜱ⛧
🥇ᴇɴɴᴇᴀɢʀᴀᴍ 3 : ᴛʜᴇ ᴀᴄʜɪᴇᴠᴇʀ
adults didn't celebrate or acknowledge who they were as a kid, the adults only celebrated , acknowledged the child's success, achievements or a really good performance. As a consequence the child started to build their sense of worth solely around how good they could perform & their achievements because these were the only ways they could earn validation from the adults. But the adults were never fully satisfied with the kid & the kid could never earn complete validation because adults were validating only how well the child performed and not for who they actually were & only seem to want more out of the kid. Like E1 kids, E3 kids are also likely to be the Golden child or The Hero of the family. The kid understands very early in life that whatever they do in life they have to do it very well and succeed.
It's likely that E3 kids have a deep emotional bond with the "nurturing figure" ( often mother ) who they strive to be validated by during childhood, they want to be praised, valued by that person and subconsciously adjust themselves for to earn that. The expectations of the "nurturer" may or may not be directly expressed, nevertheless the child will internalize those expectations & act accordingly without even noticing e.g. E3 child of a mother who is a doctor but wanted to become an artist may be inclined to do art & have the desire to excel in it ( regardless of how much the kid actually likes art).
E3 kids may develop extreme anger, resentment, hostility overtime if the "nurturing figure" is unhealthy because the child grows up feeling "nothing I ever do is enough for them" . As an adult they will face issues related to their unmet needs of being seen, heard, valued, appreciated for who really they were when they were a child. They may become an adult who disassociated from themselves and had to suppress their true desires in order to survive
Enneagram system
A rewrite/more in depth post of the Enneagram system compared to my last post on it. Not an expert. May change later.
If you like kpop and typology, check out my blog. I do type analysis on idols and typology notes.
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What is Enneagram?
I mainly took notes from Riso Hudson theory.
A typology system that categorizes personalities into 9 different types. Each type is numbered from 1 - 9.
Each type has a desire and fear that motivates their actions in life.
Core and Wings
Core: Our main type. It is the foundation of our personality and does not change.
Wing: Acts as a complement to our core. Wing can be one of the two types that sit beside core type. E.g a core 2 can have a 1 wing (2w1) or 3 wing (2w3). But is not necessary to use since wings can change and/or can be balanced.
Levels of Development
Summary of healthy - unhealthy levels of personality
- Healthy levels -
Level 1: Liberation
Let go of self image so we are free to express ourselves however we want. Self acceptance of all traits.
Level 2: Pyschological Capacity
Begin to identify with positive qualities in our personalities and learn to improve ourselves with them.
Level 3: Social Value
Still strongly identify with our set self image and make effort to maintain image. Want to share our good talents and abilities to make a positive effect on self and others.
- Average levels -
Level 4: Imbalance/Social roles
Idealization of self image; have a major focus on either good or bad qualities, no in between. Fear is an obstacle here.
Level 5: Interpersonal Control
Insist on self image being accepted by others, which can cause conflict. Can lead to controlling and manipulation.
Level 6: Overcompensation
Overcompensate due to underlying negative feelings. Desperate for others' acceptance.
- Unhealthy levels -
Level 7: Violation
Desperation for acceptance leads to violation of one's self and others. Serious conflict can occur. May victimize themselves to excuse offensive actions.
Level 8: Obsession and Compulsion
May be overly obsessed with an image of who they want to be. Deceives others
Level 9: Pathological Destructiveness
Most unhealthy state, display very toxic traits and behaviours, may have mental breakdown
Disintegration vs Integration
Or basically Stress vs Growth
Disintegration: When under heavy amounts of stress, a type will go into their disintegration type. They will pick up the negative traits of that type and act like the unhealthy version of it.
Integration: When maturing/developing positively, a type will go their integration type. They will pick up the positive traits of that type and improve their character.
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* I will only give short descriptions for the triads. I will explain more in depth in individual posts.*
Centers of Intelligence
There are 3 centers of intelligence. Each center shows how and why we solve issues in life.
Gut/Instinct/Anger (types 1, 8, 9)
Gut center focuses on reacting and taking action immediately. This triad has an issue with control and anger.
1: Often perfectionists who repress their anger in order to remain morally good. They see their anger in a negative light.
8: The most open and comfortable with their anger. Uses it to assert boundaries, especially since this type fears vulnerability.
9: Often a passive type that dismisses or downplays their anger. They fear conflict and may worry being more assertive will cause a negative effect on themselves and others.
Heart/Image/Shame (types 2, 3, 4)
Heart center focuses on self identity and connections. This triad wants love and recognition and do what they believe is best to get that. They struggle with self worth.
2: They want to be needed and helpful to others. Pride themselves on being of service. Wants to receive love and to give love.
3: The most image oriented type. They always try to show their best selves and best efforts in order to seem admirable. Fears being worthless.
4: Wants to create a unique image for themselves, believes being boring will make them unloveable.
Head/Thinking/Fear (types 5, 6, 7)
Head center focuses on ideas, making rational decisions, and gathering info. This triad deals with fear and uncertainty.
5: The most internalized head type. 5's want to gather as much knowledge and resources as possible in order to stay secure and independent.
6: Quite an anxious type who seeks security through relations with others.
7: This type fears pain and suffering and seek out experiences in order to avoid negativity.
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Other triads
- Harmonic Triads -
How types handle conflict, coping mechanism
Reactive (4, 6, 8)
Reactive types are not afraid to show and speak about their true feelings. They may seem "dramatic" in a way.
4: Melodramatic and self absorbed in negative feelings, drowns in intensity
6: Will argue, stick up for the right thing, moody, anxious
8: Big and loud reactions, can be very fiery
Positive (2, 7, 9)
Positive types dislike negativity and conflict and have their own ways of avoiding such tension. Optimistic during hard times.
2: Actively tries to be a good and kind person, only tries to focus on the good aspects of people
7: Seeks out fun opportunities to make their life exciting (basically distraction)
9: Values harmony and peace, will not risk any type of action that will disturb these values
Competency (1, 3, 5)
Competent types are often perfectionists who want to show their best selves. Objective and rational.
1: Strives to be correct and right, wants to be precise in what they do
3: Represses softer emotions to keep up a certain image, thrives with work/passions so they can be the best at what they do
5: Detached from feelings to remain logical and objective, knowledge seeking
- Hornevian Triads -
Relationships with others, how they get what they want
Assertive (3, 7, 8)
Assertive types go against people to get what they want. Do not back down easily, can seem aggressive and forceful.
3: Pushes through obstacles for achievements, goal oriented
7: Asserts their right to have fun, refuse to be restricted
8: Asserts power and strength, places boundaries
Withdrawn (4, 5, 9)
Withdrawn types are very internalized and do not show their needs openly. Deals with things alone.
4: Feels something is wrong with them internally, feels misunderstood
5: Detached from others as to not drain their own energy, will figure it out themselves
9: Introspective, lets life happen
Compliant (1, 2, 6)
Compliant work with people to get what they want. Builds relationships for security, wants to be helpful to others.
1: Doing the right thing instead of one's own wants
2: Focus on other's needs more instead of self
6: Tries to build a safe and secure environment by getting ppl to work together
- Object Relations -
How we are affected by others, our own affect on others, how we react to personal wounds
Attachment (3, 6, 9)
Seek out bonds and companionships for particular reasons. Individuality vs adaptation.
3: Changes their image to suit whoever they are with in order to meet expectations
6: Creates support systems to help with their self doubt and indecisiveness
9: Adapts to the energy of the environment to keep harmony
Frustration (1, 4, 7)
Triad gets frustrated when their needs aren't met.
1: Has a need to improve every little imperfection they find
4: Dislikes shallowness, longs for depth and complexity
7: Not enjoying experiences, not feeling fulfilled
Rejection (2, 5, 8)
Their own needs feel unimportant to others, so they reject their own needs as well.
2: Rejects the need to receive love and guidance, instead focuses on connecting with others and helping them.
5: Ignores and minimizes all their needs, offers knowledge and expertise in some hope of being acknowledged for their intelligence.
8: Rejects by being never putting their guard down, wanting to appear strong and as the protector of others.
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Subtypes
Claudio Naranjo theory
There are three subtypes/instinctual variants that show our drive in life. There are 27 different subtypes in total.
Self Preservation (Sp)
Focuses on physical safety and security. Our physical health, financial security, obligations, and comforts.
Sexual/One - on - one (Sx)
Wants intensity and deep connections, one on one relationships are preferred.
Social (So)
Prefers to be in a community, wants to create good connections and bonds with others. Socially aware, focus on group goals and contributions.
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Tritype
Katherine Fauvre theory
A minor but still interesting piece of Enneagram. Tritype is formed of your 3 dominant types from each center. The first number will always be your core, followed by your other 2 dominant types.
E.g 369. 3 = core, heart. 6 = head. 9 = gut.
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Enneagram notes
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Side blog:
Kpop astrology @rainy-astrology
Kpop fanarts @rainy-artworks
The Enneagram Explained ⚔️ Defence Mechanisms & Self-Sabotaging Behaviors 💣🔪
By Larissa
(This is an excerpt from a workshop I taught in 2023) If you want the accompanying "Unf*ck Yourself" mini workshop + pdf workbook join the membership and get it instantly. I apologize for how dry and cringe the names/descriptions are.
To watch/listen instead:
One of the main ways you can stop operating out of autopilot, quit the shit patterns and actually get what you want is by:
Being with the discomfort of not operating out of your personality trap + shadow (being conscious, making different choices, regulating your nervous system in the moment with breath, tapping, affirmations).
Integrating the opposite of your personality's "belief" (the shadow).
This sounds simple but it actually requires a considerable amount of bravery and determination. Which is why most people who learn the Enneagram don’t actually use it for self-growth. Because it’s more fun to chit chat about and study than to actually apply to our own lives.
The personality’s belief structure creates behaviors and defense mechanisms. These beliefs and behaviors create the shadow.
The defense mechanisms come from Freud's psychoanalytic theories and have been correlated to Enneagram theory by multiple sources and evolved over time with other people's ideas (Fritz Perls, Oscar Ichazo, Helen Palmer, Naranjo, etc). I won’t be getting into any of that, I’m just going to apply them in how I see them as useful. I’ve also added behaviors that I notice in each of the types.
I’m not sharing these to shame anyone or be judgmental, because we’re ALL doing at least one, if not three or more of these patterns. I’m using the Enneagram as a framework to show you how to spot patterns, unuseful beliefs and shadow at a much quicker pace than if you’re just doing it from just generic journaling prompts or waiting for something to “happen” before you address it. This way you have a pathway to start looking at the problems before your life goes to total shit.
Each type’s flawed belief (“If I am not ___ I don’t exist /I am not me/I am not safe”) manifests itself through behaviors and actions.
This process is unconscious. Even if you were aware that you were doing some of this stuff, it’s not your fault. It’s what we were programmed to do. But by integrating our shadow and coming into acceptance and wholeness we get to make better choices, think supportive thoughts, feel better, more useful and aligned feelings. And you can also catch yourself in the act and check yourself before you wreck yourself.
ENNEAGRAM TYPE 1 - “DADDY”
1’s prefer to see themselves as being conscientious and above the degenerate riff raff. They’re proper, correct and in integrity, therefore they cannot see themselves as lazy, foolish, wrong, messy or "bad.” Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow.
1’s avoid outwardly expressing anger to remain “objective” and in control. Because expressing “anger” is “bad.” To be imperfect, incompetent, wrong or out-of-control is death to the 1. This mechanism reinforces the 1's ego because it assures them that they are right, proper, perfect, and correct. Therefore, their survival and identity continues. However, because the 1 is an anger/gut type, they’re constantly churning irritation factories.
If the 1 catches themselves in the act, or someone else does (gasp), it may increase the dissonance between the Shadow and Unintegrated Self if they don’t understand that it’s just their personality bs. Because the 1 utilizes “anger” they are unlikely to allow themselves to see themselves as incorrect, in the wrong, imperfect.
How this manifests:
Reaction Formation: 1’s can express the opposite of their actual feelings and desires. They do this to reinforce their ego as “not being angry” (being perfect, right, correct, proper, good). Expressing anger is “bad” or what people who have no self-control do.
Channeling unexpressed anger into physical activities - going hog wild on cleaning, obsessively exercising, restricting food/hedonistic delights, perfectionism fixations, taking a red pen to their life.
Criticality + judgmental concerns projected onto people around them, for their “own good.” To the 1 they’re being responsible, doing the right thing.
Splitting: Seeing things in black and white under stress (this is good, this is evil). In super low health this can lead to extreme behaviors, like witch-hunting, finger-pointing, being the ‘voice of God’ / judge, jury and executioner.
Rationalization: 1's can rationalize to justify their self-righteousness. “This is the most correct, right, or efficient way to do the thing, therefore I am right and you are wrong.” If you don’t do what I say, it will be to your own detriment.
Hypocrisy: Projecting their own denied desires, feelings and even private behaviors by condemning the same desires, feelings and behaviors in others. They know the right way to be, and you are not being it. They can become preachy about whatever they take issue with, in order to unconsciously overcompensate for their secret bad behavior or naughty thoughts. This ties directly to Shadow Work, because 1's and 1-fixers can have a pungent Shadow full of all kinds of misdeeds and “dark” desires, but be totally blind to them while criticizing others for the same things.
Example: The anti-gay politician who is having an affair with a man, or the barbiturate-poppin' mom who wages a neighborhood campaign against drugs.
OCD: Obsessively creating more order and rightness in their physical environment, relationships, or self. They can go into “perfecting” mode in order to feel in control of something they cannot control, where they exert order onto their surroundings and right wrongs (like becoming obsessed with cleanliness in their home or laying out ‘rules’ that others must follow).
ENNEAGRAM TYPE 2 - “MOMMY”
2’s prefer to see themselves as being loving, nurturing, selfless, self-sacrificing, caring towards others, concerned and kind-hearted. Therefore they cannot see themselves as selfish, self-centered, giving to get, cold, heartless or "bad”. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow.
2’s avoid feeling selfish or needy, by refusing to directly ask to get their needs met or receive what they truly wish from others. 2's unconsciously repress these needs and desires to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are self-sacrificing, needed, good and loving. Therefore their survival continues.
If the 2 catches themselves in the act, or someone else does (gasp), it may increase the dissonance between the Shadow and Unintegrated Self if they don’t understand that it’s just their personality bs. Because the 2 utilizes “pride” they are unlikely to allow themselves to wallow or even acknowledge any wrongdoing or selfishness on their part. It’s the other person’s fault, the 2 is blameless.
How this manifests:
Repression: 2’s hide their needs and "selfish" desires from themselves in order to maintain their caring and indispensable self-image. They use Repression to AVOID feeling needy, unnecessary or rejected. Because of their type structure, they can't see how they are in need of anyone else's help or how they are anything other than self-sacrificing. They cover up these feelings with flattery, offers of help, being intrusive and overly nice.
2’s prioritize others’ needs in the hopes someone will prioritize theirs. But then when that happens, the 2 goes into rejection mode and wants to get back into position as ‘the helper’ as that’s where their identity is invested.
The 2 projects their needs onto those around them by being overly helpful or intrusive. If they feel like they're not being appreciated or getting their needs met, they can move into covertly "punishing" behaviors to the person they keep giving to or subconsciously create situations in which the person might be forced to give back to them.
Example: The 2 wants help cleaning from their spouse, so over-cleans to the point where they become ill so that their partner is forced to pick up the slack or show them care for all of their self-sacrificing. This can also manifest in ways like them offering to do something and then making the other person wait to receive if they are feeling secretly resentful or not shown adequate appreciation or having their self-image adequately validated.
In low health, 2’s can use “Identification” to take on the needs and worries of those around them as if it’s theirs. They become fretful over other people’s problems. Anything that hurts their loved one hurts them. And it becomes covertly narcissistic, wherein they can make someone else’s suffering about themselves, but also their wins. “If it wasn’t for my help, they wouldn’t have accomplished that.” They can secretly (or not secretly) want undue credit for “help” they’ve provided (whether solicited or not).
2’s use “Reframing” in collaboration with “Repression.” They can reframe their intentions (to maintain a pride in their pure and loving intentions) and reframe others intentions too, lest it burst the sugar-coated bubble they’re desiring to live in or reflect back to them that they’re unwanted.
ENNEAGRAM TYPE 3 - “SHAPESHIFTER”
3’s like to see themselves as impressive, competent, successful and admired or valued for what they do or are. Therefore they cannot see themselves as losers, failures, or less than others. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow.
3’s avoid feeling like a failure or worthless by adapting to external ideals, competing, and striving. 3's unconsciously use “Identification” to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are valuable, worthy, admired and successful. Therefore their survival continues.
If the 3 catches themselves in the act, or someone else does (gasp), it may increase the dissonance between the Shadow and Unintegrated Self if they don’t understand that it’s just their personality bs. Because the 3 utilizes “deceit” they are unlikely to allow themselves to own their failings or true feelings if it interferes with the image they’re projecting.
How this manifests:
3's use "Identification" as a defense mechanism, by unconsciously assimilating with the "other." They use this to avoid feeling like a failure. How this shows up is that they take on the traits, characteristics, attributes, aesthetics, preferences, values and mannerisms of important people in their life, groups, people they see as valuable and those they admire or envy. They do this to create an image of success (to themselves and/or others).
Denial/Projection: 3’s can blame others for their failures or what isn’t working for them, offloading image fails onto others to distance themselves from shame. Just like they can take on others traits/behaviors/stories, they can offload those same things onto others as well.
Deception: This collection of traits is their "self image" and where their ego and self-worth resides, and because their external sources and what is valued may change, it can give 3's a shapeshifter quality depending on who or what they're surrounded by, what they value, what they do. Underneath this layer of shiny baubles is still a 'shame type' and so without this sometimes fragile self-image being upheld they are but a raw, shameful nerve. Because of this, they can lose contact with their own internal compass, needs, desires and their authentic self. They prioritize what gets them those positive hits and bolsters their ego/self-image. They can be totally asleep to this inner incongruence, and be deceiving themselves, especially in lower levels of health.
Numbing/Workaholism: 3’s can use numbing so they don’t get stuck in the emotional swamp and become unproductive. They can power down the “I’m a failure, I’m upset, I’m emotional” aspect and power up the drive to override emotional slop that might get in their way. They might override this with going hard into working around the clock, substances, shopping/spending a lot or doing something flashy to bolster their self-image.
Competition: 3’s can get caught up in competition, using others as a stepping stone or a way to boost their own image by comparison (“see how much better of a job I’m doing than Ted.”) They might do this to the point where they end up chasing someone else’s dreams and totally shooting themselves in the foot.
ENNEAGRAM TYPE 4 - “DISDAINFUL DEPRESSIVE”
4’s like to see themselves as separate, uniquely flawed, deep, and the special exception. Therefore they cannot see themselves as mundane, relatable, ordinary, adaptable, or even for many 4’s functional. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow.
4’s avoid feeling mundane, ordinary, relatable, shallow, functional or happy. 4's unconsciously self-sabotage and focus on the negative and what’s frustrating, to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are deep, different, uniquely flawed and unlike anyone else. Therefore their survival continues.
If the 4 catches themselves in the act, or someone else does (gasp), it may increase the dissonance between the Shadow and Unintegrated Self if they don’t understand that it’s just their personality bs. Because the 4 utilizes envy (what is missing) they are unlikely to allow themselves to see where they are functional, relatable, understandable or even happy. They subconsciously craft a self-image that rejects any "positive" information about themselves that comes into conflict with this existing "negative" image.
How this manifests:
Introjection: Introjection is presented as absorbing another person's identity or feelings (like a parent) and transferring it to themselves. However, it's more nuanced and specific than that for 4’s. 4's aren't just taking in any old information, they're unconsciously taking in evidence that they are broken, estranged, alien, fucked up and damaged - and this is great news to them. While the external world may be giving the 4 fuel, their experience has almost nothing to do with the outside world. The outside world is just serving to fuel the 4's internal narrative. The 4 weaves these evidentiary mementos into a story. They identify with specific negative traits that reinforce that they are separate, rare, deeply flawed so as to never quite be understood or capable of being happy and functional.
They do this unconsciously as a way to cope with the pain of feeling broken, unwanted, dysfunctional and different. They weave the negative narratives into their identity and shape it into a way that makes them feel in control of it, to project depth and meaning onto it vs someone or something outside of themselves creating their story and making it shallow. The more they associate into this negative state, the more dysfunctional they can become and the more it supports their type's ego structure. Without these narratives they feel naked and non-existant. Because their self-image is inherently negative, they are “positively” associated with being in a negative, frustrated, unsatisfied state.
Idealization: Idealizing people or situations as a way to generate feelings to pull the 4 away from the mundane reality/experience. This idealization is a frustration pattern designed to keep them in a loop of disappointment and longing because nothing will ever live up to what they hope, something will always be missing and the 4 can never truly actualize or be happy as a result. And if it is everything they’ve ever wanted, the 4 is likely to find something wrong anyway or create a problem where there is none.
As a result, the 4 might self-sabotage opportunities that would actually aid them in being functional, capable, happy, or get them what they claim they want. They may discard things, people, ideas, pursuits if they feel too easy, cheap, relatable, mundane. Or keep churning up issues and provocations that will lead to them being able to say, “see, I never get to have what I want.” Or “I knew no one would understand.”
Splitting: 4’s reject what’s “not me” and often find what’s not to their tastes or “not me” disgusting. Everything that’s not in the frustrated realm that the 4 approves of is superficial, shallow, ugly, vapid, horrible, etc. For the faceless masses, not the 4. Being at odds with reality helps reinforce their self-identity. I’m not like that, therefore I’m deep.
Because 4’s are usually creative or self-identify with the idea of being an artist/writer/creative, their tragically romantic, broken and disdainful views can be expressed through their art. They may overdo it in making it unpalatable or abstract. Or if they become popular they may self-sabotage their own success or self-image by being provocative, turning on their fans/the public, becoming moody, self-destructive or unpredictable. They’ll likely move away from what is expected or desired by their fanbase, even if they secretly desire an audience. Or maybe they’ll over-specify how they present themselves and shroud themselves in mystery in a way that others cannot easily relate to, they can only *bear witness.*
ENNEAGRAM TYPE 5 - “BRUNDLEFLY”
5’s like to see themselves as insightful, competent, self-sufficient, independent and objective. Therefore they cannot see themselves as emotional, human, helpless or dependent on others. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow.
5’s avoid feeling dependent on others, helpless, depleted, or engulfed in the messy world. 5's unconsciously retreat inwards and withhold energy and information, detach, and compartmentalize to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are competent, objective, smarter than everyone else and above the mortal coil.
Because the 5 utilizes avarice (hoarding inner resources) they are unlikely to allow themselves to allow themselves to be put in a position where they are “needed” for anything outside of the scope of their specific interest/competency focus, or entangle themselves with hot messes (people or situations). Of all the types, this is maybe the one that is least likely to give a shit if they have a shadow, tbh.
How this manifests:
Isolation: 5’s retreat and protect their inner sanctum from being invaded or picked clean by the outside world. They use isolation to avoid dependence on others or having to be interlaced with their chaotic whims and needs which may disrupt what the 5 would rather be doing with their time (some kind of mind pursuit). They may design their entire lives to protect themselves against intrusion.
Detachment: 5’s use detachment as a means to cope when they feel overwhelmed. They disconnect from and retreat from their own and others’ unstable feelings. In order to feel competent and safe and conserve their mental resources, they can cut all contact or need for the outside world.
They use ‘rejection’ methods of cutting off and compartmentalizing to ensure they’re not swallowed up in the messy ass human bullshit of this humdrum existence. This may show up as minimizing their needs (physical, relational, financial, emotional). They’re the most likely to live in some secret, off-grid tiny home. Not the one with all the gardens and crops and goats, but the one that has the bare minimum to survive where they can focus on their studies or whatever their mental obsession is, far away from other people.
They can have totally hidden worlds within worlds that others know nothing about. Each world dangerously close to being lopped off at a moment’s notice if the 5 sees no use for it anymore. They dump all of their energy into their main pursuit because it’s where they feel “safe” and valuable, and so the outside world interfering with that feels like an attack on their very existence. By overdoing this one area of “competency” they can actually make themselves unable to actually be independent or functional. So to them they may seem overly competent, but to the outside world they may seem bizarre and dysfunctional.
5’s use compartmentalization of emotions, energy, and relationships. Separating their thoughts from feelings, and putting people into boxes to be dealt with or utilized instead of truly connected to. This can have a dehumanizing effect on the people around them who don’t want to only interact with the 5 when they have the inner resources or only interact with them on narrow and specific terms. By doing this, the 5 effectively shuts out having to deal with whatever they don’t want to but also hacks off pieces of their own heart, spirit, and humanity which is the only true place to create and mine for the insights and independence they seek.
ENNEAGRAM TYPE 6 - “CITIZEN EMO”
6’s like to see themselves as loyal, hardworking, just a regular person, authentic, responsible, fair and connected to the family/community/tribe, etc. Therefore they cannot see themselves as bad, traitorous, pompous or “too good.” Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow.
6’s avoid feeling unsafe, uncertain or abandoned in their attachments and support systems (physical, group, partner). 6's unconsciously seek security/safety (and dangers), truth (and lies) and support systems they can trust and rely on to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are accepted, part of the tribe, safe, secure, supported and prepared. Therefore their survival continues.
If the 6 catches themselves in the act, or someone else does (gasp), it may increase the dissonance between the Shadow and Unintegrated Self if they don’t understand that it’s just their personality bs. Because the 6 utilizes “fear” (and anxiety) they are unlikely to allow themselves to relax, ease up, stop hunting for discrepancies or what could go wrong.
How this manifests:
Projection: 6’s project their worst fears and worst case intentions onto other people. They’re always sniffing out danger in the world and in their connections. Who’s being disloyal? Who’s up to no good? They can engage in investigative, gossipy behaviors, seeking out clues of their worst fears. Sometimes they project their own behaviors, feelings and thoughts onto others and then fear being blamed or accused (which leads to projecting).
On the flipside, they can project idolization fantasies onto “experts”, simping people who they can put all their trust and outsource their thinking to. They do this to create certainty within themselves.
Worst Case Scenario: Projections can also show up as “predictions” where the 6 may anticipate the worst and then by overfocusing on this negative outcome, they manifest it into reality. Their worst case scenario becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. (“See! I knew the basement was going to flood!” Or “See! I knew you’d cheat on me!”) This churning distrust has them always on the hunt, and never feeling safe.
Splitting: Like other types they can see things in “black and white”, good or bad, you’re with me or against me. 6’s can be tribal and overly-identified to their “side” - whether that’s ideologically, politically, religiously or just in their general friend groups.
Outsourcing anxiety: They can overdose on anxiety in order to reach equilibrium. They project their internal anxieties into the outside world in the hopes that someone else will solve the problem for them. Like constantly bringing people’s attention to the negative or what could go wrong. They cannot rest until someone else validates and matches their concern. They want help to deal with the problem (real or imagined) and for someone else to assuage their fears.
Redirect overwhelming fears from one source onto another source that they feel is easier to manage (like a loved one, peer, boss).
Rebellion: 6’s can get anti-authoritarian when their trust is broken, they’re disappointed, or they engage in “splitting.” They can be mega social justice warriors and fight for what is “right”, but in doing so they can totally lose perspective and go so hard in fighting for justice that they actually become the bad guy.
6’s can also be hypochondriacs with their anxiety. Excessive worrying, creating symptoms and scenarios out of the ether. They can circle the drain, fixating on problem after potential problem. They can literally bring forth a potential health catastrophe into reality with constant focus on it. This paranoia can manifest in many ways, but sometimes they’re right!
Self-deprecation: They also may use self-deprecation or humor, or presenting as an “underdog” as a way to deflect being targeted or being seen as too big for their britches. They can project this onto other with a ‘tall poppies’ or ‘crabs in the bucket’ mentality.
ENNEAGRAM TYPE 7 - “MAD HATTER HEDONIST”
7’s like to see themselves as interesting, exciting, innovative, individualistic, creative and fun. Therefore they cannot see themselves as boring, normal, part of the grind or a downer. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow.
7’s avoid feeling trapped, limited, stifled, cut off and bored. 7's unconsciously seek new, interesting people/things/situations/interests to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are fascinating, buoyant, original and compelling creatures. Therefore their survival continues.
Because the 7 utilizes “gluttony” they are unlikely to allow themselves to stagnate for too long, moving onto the next thing and the next thing and the next thing.
How this manifests:
Rationalization: Which means the 7 can subconsciously (or consciously) rationalize away shitty behaviors and dodge responsibility. They are usually averse to their specific flavours of what is “painful” and will reframe reframe reframe themselves up up up and away from whatever that source of “pain” is. Whether it’s the guilt of doing something awful, or the fall-out of saying something flippantly, or the consequences of a thoughtless action. They’re especially prone to rationalizing if making the pain conscious means they’re not able to do, be or have something they desire.
Distraction: They go into distraction seeking mode via hedonism, intellectual stimulation, adventures, extreme sports, partying, being totally manic and creating for 3 days straight, shopping, etc when they want to avoid discomfort, pain, boredom.
Repression: They use repression to bury negative emotions (in whatever flavour they despise) and push away anything that makes them feel like they’ve been victimized. 7’s can be emotional and melodramatic but it’s in the flavour they find the most interesting. They’re not here to be a boring victim or cry themselves to sleep every night over a loser.
Anticipation/Planning: They can over idealize an outcome to the point where they are more about getting the dopamine hits off anticipation than actually doing the thing or seeing whatever their harebrained scheme is through to completion.
Entitlement: 7’s can be massive brats about getting what they want. As frustration types they’re often focused on what they don’t have and what they want, but because they’re assertive they’re more likely to chase after it, expect it to be given to them, or push people out of the way to get it.
Pleasure-seeking/Hedonism: 7’s reject that which is not pleasurable because there’s nothing in it for them. When 7’s get into this “thank you, next” pattern it can become impossible for them to actualize or stick to something long enough for them to enjoy the fruits of all their initial excitement. The sparkle fades and there’s nothing tasty for the 7 to stick around and lick, so they’re likely to start looking for something else.
Rebellion: Like 6’s, 7’s can also be rebellious, but their reasons for rebelling are likely centered around freedom (literally or freedom of expression), anti-censorship, pro-individuality/individual choice. They can also just rebel for the hell of it if they’re bored, or if there are hot people associated with a cause.
ENNEAGRAM TYPE 8 - “FINAL BOSS”
8’s like to see themselves as powerful, invulnerable, independent, intimidating IDGAF leaders. Therefore they cannot see themselves as weak, under someone else’s heel, being controlled, powerless or soft. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow.
8’s avoid feeling weak, vulnerable, powerless, small or allowing anything to threaten them. 8's unconsciously deny vulnerabilities and weaknesses to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are indeed powerful and no one can or will fuck with them. Therefore their survival continues.
Because the 8 utilizes “lust” they are unlikely to allow themselves to put themselves in a position where they could be steamrolled, deprived, slowed down or made small or powerless.
How this manifests:
Denial: 8’s use “Denial” by rejecting their own vulnerabilities or weaknesses. This can show up as denying emotions, fears, thoughts that don’t serve the 8’s ego identification of being powerful. They can also completely deny the existence of any perceived weak points that an “enemy” could use against them. If possible, they will lop off anyone or anything that causes them agitation (people, situations) or seems like a threat to their inner or outer sanctuary that they’ve created.
Rejection/Coldness: They can view softness and receptivity as death. If they weaken for a moment, they’ll get screwed over or tricked.
Reaction Formation: 8’s can express the opposite of how they feel. So they can feel really hurt but act like they’re emotionally impervious. You have no effect on the 8. You don’t matter. If you’ve wounded their steel heart, you’ll pay the price. Like the 7 they can deny victimhood, but they might personally feel quite slighted and seek revenge to get the ball back in their court, the power back in their hands, for how the person made them feel.
Aggression/assertiveness: 8’s can take up space and project an air of confidence in order to pre-defend against would-be attacks. Showing up with big bear or chaos demon energy ensures no one will fuck with them and that they’ll get what they want. Therefore they can be domineering, bossy, straight-shooters. My way or the highway.
Control/conquering: 8’s can be hyper controlling and even paranoid, depending on their position and the situation. They can take on the role of puppetmaster or dictator, to ensure things happen according to their plan and they’re not at the whims of someone else or underneath someone else’s thumb.
Justification: 8’s can be impulsive with their anger and feeling absolutely justified. The desired effect can be to crush whatever is pissing them off with their brutality and force.
ENNEAGRAM TYPE 9 - “SOOTHING SQUISH”
9’s like to see themselves as chill, empathetic, caring, supportive and deep. Therefore they cannot see themselves as provocative, disruptive, thoughtless, aggressive or selfish. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow.
9’s avoid feeling in conflict and stressed out. 9's unconsciously seek to be in harmony and flow with those around them and their environment to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are chill, harmonious and connected.
If the 9 catches themselves in the act, or someone else does (gasp), it may increase the dissonance between the Shadow and Unintegrated Self if they don’t understand that it’s just their personality bs. Because the 9 utilizes “sloth” they are unlikely to allow themselves to just get after it, make demands, make bold moves.
How this manifests:
Narcotization/Dissociation: 9’s use narcotization which means to numb, to ease discomfort. This can manifest in multiple ways, falling asleep at the wheel of life - outsourcing decisions, independence, physical needs, to others. It can also show up as losing yourself in mindless side-tasks instead of just dealing with problems. They can dissociate from problems by numbing their heart and mind to what’s in front of them, or to just hope it resolves itself without any involvement or disruption to the 9’s existence.
9’s repress their anger in favor of keeping peace. They can be really annoyed and not able to verbalize it until it reaches a crisis point for the 9. The other person may be totally shocked when it happens, especially if the 9 kept telling them that everything was fine.
Passive Aggression: 9’s express how they feel indirectly and hoping the person picks up on their subtle cues without them having to generate conflict. This can also just slip out subconsciously through offhand comments, looks, tone or behaviors. And when confronted with it, they’ll likely recede into a mist and say nothing’s wrong.
9’s can also use “positive reframing”, not unlike 7, but theirs is more used as a numbing agent, smoothing out a dire situation or other people’s malintent, rudeness, or shitty behavior so it doesn’t result in conflict or upset.
Outsourcing: 9’s often give their power away, instead of asking for what they want or expressing themselves without being prompted. They can become disappointed when others fail to mind-read or intuit their needs without them having to assert themselves or vocalize it.
Self-Forgetting: Because 9’s can dance around their location in order to keep the peace and not lose connection, they can forget what they want or how they really feel about something.
Merging: Like 3’s, 9’s merge with the people around them, often taking on their interests, aesthetics, values and even mannerisms. However the 9 isn’t doing it to become an ideal and compete for validation, they do it because they over-identify with the idealized other to create harmony and melt into them.
7’s and 9’s can both procrastinate and get lost in multiple fantasies of possibilities, but the difference is that the 7 is likely taking an active, assertive approach and throwing spaghetti at the wall, whereas the 9’s dreams can fade away if they don’t have another person holding them accountable or a job to show up for or something external.
Ghosting: Instead of just saying “no,” often 9’s will be vague or give a “maybe” or “sure” if they don’t know their location in the moment or don’t want to rock the boat. And then they’ll disappear when followed up with.
also while i’m ranting about gender i always see debate about whether girls are rewarded for being tomboys or not and it’s like. actually girls are rewarded for mirroring whatever the situation demands of them. girls can’t be too prissy and refuse to play in the creek, but girls also can’t show up to girly events covered in mud. girls can’t have makeup art as a hobby or else they’re superficial, but if they never wear makeup they’re a slob and dumpy, etc. it’s not that girls are universally rewarded or punished for being tomboys, they’re rewarded for bending over backwards to always be exactly right for any given situation and punished for breaking those boundaries. so yes a classically pretty girl who cleans up nice is rewarded when she can ALSO be a tomboy. but a girl who is a tomboy all the time is definitely punished for never being able to achieve that prerequisite feminine side. this debate is over now thanks
this is spot on. A woman's masculinity is rewarded as long as it doesn't conflict with being heteronormatively attractive and as long as the masculinity plays harmonising second fiddle to the masculinity of the men around her.
