Why is Tony Stark the best mentor for Peter? Because he’s Peter’s hero, duh.
Tony Stark is Peter Parker’s hero.
Children love to be acknowledged and validated by their heroes. And, damn, if Tony doesn’t acknowledge and validate Peter every chance he gets. Even since the beginning of their story.
In Iron Man 2, Tony comes across a young Peter in an Iron Man mask, holding a fake repulsor at one of Vanko’s drones. Tony saves Peter’s life, blasting the drone away, but what makes this scene so important? It isn’t just that it establishes Peter, even at a young age, looked up to Tony – but Tony made it look like Peter defended himself.
He made it so that Peter believed he had the power to save not only himself – but his hero Iron Man.
What’s ironic about that scene is that Tony emphasizes that he doesn’t want Peter to be an Iron Man clone. If there could even be one singular moment that encapsulates Tony’s mentorship of Peter, it’s this one:
“I just wanted to be like you.” “And I wanted you to be better.”
Tony wants Peter to learn to be his own man. In the case of Spider-Man: Homecoming, this took the shape of learning to be a hero without the suit, which, ironically, was a lesson Tony learned from a kid. In Iron Man 3, Tony starts to have a crippling anxiety attack over the fact he will be without his suit. The kid he’s made fast friends with, Harley Keener, gently calms him down over the phone, saying, “You’re a mechanic, right? […] Why don’t you just build something?” It’s this moment that snaps Tony out of his downward spiral and back into hero-mode. Tony realizes that, yes, he may not have his suit, but he does have his mind and his hands – the tools that literally made Iron Man.
Tony takes away the suit to impart a hard lesson – and, while Peter suffered through a trial by fire (literally), Peter learned who he is: Spider-Man. The tough love act worked. He doesn’t feel so dependent on Stark’s technology anymore. That is why he turns down the Avengers gig at the end of Spider-Man: Homecoming. What’s even better is Tony respects Peter’s decision, telling Happy it was a mature, even when it’s not what he expected (or wanted). It’s all over Tony’s face: he’s shocked, but proud.
Not only that, but for a kid who often feels ignored? The fact Peter’s hero listens to him means the world. Yes, Tony does listen to Peter. While Tony can come across as aloof and uncaring because he’s busy, there’s nods to Tony taking his time to absorb and catalog even the most mundane details of Peter’s day: he recalls the “lady with the churros” Peter told him about; he listens to all of Happy’s reports, “Happy told me you quit band six weeks ago”; when Peter runs into Tony in Infinity War, Tony asks, “Where did you come from?” and Peter says, “The field trip,” which indicates they actively talk to each other about their day.
All of this is why Tony programmed the “Karen” A.I. the way he did. Bringing up some stuff @the-insomniac-writes posted: Tony’s A.I.s usually have a snarky wit and aren’t afraid to talk back. But Karen? Karen is patient, sweet, and doesn’t have a snarky bone in her 1s and 0s. She’s encouraging, comforting, and provides advice. She’s there to keep Peter motivated when he’s alone. She’s what Peter needs, because Tony knows Peter. He knows him well-enough to see Peter needs a friend who will be there for him.
When Peter disobeys Tony and stays aboard the spaceship, Tony is upset and rightly admonishes him, but then he quickly validates Peter’s choice by listening to him and following his lead.
But even when Tony treats Peter as an equal and a potential brother-in-arms, in his heart of hearts, Tony still sees him as a kid who needs to be comforted and protected. He lies to Peter when he’s dying, and, for the first time? He holds Peter in his arms.
Tony seeing Peter as a child loops back to Tony’s instinctual need to protect. Weeks before the events of Civil War, Tony had been keeping an eye on Peter through YouTube videos. He began constructing a suit with all the bells and whistles to keep Peter safe – ones he included from his own harrowing experiences. He didn’t want Peter to suffer the same pains he felt when running before he could walk. And that’s before he’d even met the kid. He wanted to protect him the best way he could.
Having said all this, no one ever said Tony was perfect. It goes without saying Tony that imperfection extends to his mentorship skills. Tony made a moral misstep when he dragged Peter to Germany. Hell, he blackmailed him to do it. To Tony’s credit, he didn’t believe the situation would escalate (since Captain America was the man he was confronting), but the possibility was always there it could.
Even RDJ said during the Spider-Man: Homecoming press that Tony knew taking Peter to Germany was the wrong thing to do, and his mentorship of Peter in Spider-Man: Homecoming is him trying to make amends. I think there’s other subtle clues Tony felt guilty about it – namely? Peter’s room vastly improved from Civil War to SM:H.
Of course there’s no canonical proof Tony is the one giving Peter money, but the difference in just a year, since Tony took him under his wing, is remarkable. Tony tends to throw money at his guilt because it’s probably what his father did to him. Not the healthiest way to deal with regret, but, hey, new stuff.
While there is no real defending Tony pulling Peter into the fray, a lot of people strip away Tony’s terrible decision from the very human circumstances that led to it. Tony was convinced he needed an ally with Peter’s abilities to save Steve, Sam, and Bucky’s lives. That’s the panic-level Tony was operating at: “If I don’t stop them, Ross is going to have them killed.” That’s why Tony didn’t tell Peter the whole story. In Tony’s eyes, this was a delicate situation where another conflict could lead to people getting killed. Of course that spirals into a “do the ends justify the means” argument, but my point is Tony didn’t do it for shits and giggles (and to say it was a decision taken lightly is to ignore everything that happened leading up to that point).
All in all, Tony tries his best to protect Peter while guiding him on the path towards becoming his own hero. Tony makes mistakes, but, ultimately? None of that really matters. Because at the end of the day?
We choose our own heroes – and Peter’s is Iron Man. Even though Tony has made his mistakes with Peter, Tony validates Peter’s feelings and life choices, respecting his autonomy, while protecting Peter to the best of his ability. And that’s what makes Tony the best mentor for Peter.
stormborns
blakekathryn
gummygunk
pixelskylines
romaincrisis
yousharknotpass
prguitarman
