My thoughts :)

[raniakp-blog]

Jamming

I loved having her close to me

Feeling her breath, her warmth

Until there was no space between us, we became one.

____________________________________________

Have you ever felt so

Romantic

That you mistook life for a dream

____________________________________________

Never can I forget those days

When I could have her all to myself,

Those happy memories forever stays,

For it was the best time in our love itself

Cycling through those muddy trails,

Exchanging smiles then and there,

I knew that our bond never fails,

For I knew that, we both did care.

In between all those silly fights,

I made sure that I didn't make her cry

Tried to make up for it during those lovely nights

Waking up to new memories that made us high.

[raniakp-blog]

Broken

He knew that he was a mess

Out of everything, he made a fuss.

For the ones who actually loved, he cared less

And he kept repeating his mistakes.

He was seeking for answers

Through his journey of life

And despite late realizations

He strived to never give up.

Deep inside, he was a fragile soul

But he reflected a bold self

He knew that he wasn't happy

And he kept it all to himself.

He was tired of pretending

He was tired of the company.

He just couldn't yield in

He was broken.

He understood that without her, he is alone

He regretted his existence

He couldn't open up to anyone

Because he was tired of his cursed existence

Suicide was also not an option

'Cause he was too scared for that

And he knew that it wasn't going to solve any of his problems.

[raniakp-blog]

Misunderstood

"I understand you more than anyone else", he said.

Little did she know that it was a lie.

Because one fine day she realised

That nobody really understood her.

Despite genuine reasoning and love

He always managed to read beyond her thoughts.

He started to judge every thought of hers

And continued to blame her, judging her.

And then it came to a point,

When she realised that she cannot open up to him,

All for the fear of that one person who had claimed to 'understand' her.

[raniakp-blog]

Too much of anything is not good

This saying is so true when it comes to about anything, be it, food, friends, love, concern and so on. When in a relationship, you naturally tend to seek love and care and if you seem to be getting more than what you really need, that is exactly when you feel suffocated. There is a major difference between clingy and attentive partners. The former tries to get you to agree to whatever they say and the very idea of spending some time alone or with your social circle is something that bothers them so much. This behavioural attitude can however lead to serious trouble if you let them continue to be over-attached. Every individual has their own personal space and it is very important for all to respect that. It should also be kept in mind that whatever is given shall be taken, which implies that if you deserve something like love, respect and freedom, you are bound to give back the same. Relationships can be very complicated at times and if faced with the right attitude, life can definitely prove to be better.

[raniakp-blog]

Complicated

When people that actually matter to you start accusing you for stuff that you have no idea about and start misjudging your opinions, that is exactly when you feel so low about yourself. There are good times when we feel like we are in cloud 9 when it comes to the love and care we get (definitely more than what we deserve) and suddenly when the same humanitarian providers blame you for every deed of yours , you can't but feel so bad about yourself. You are forced to pretend like you do not care and you are not bothered by what they say but in reality, whatever they say and think about you plays over and over in your minds. Words have such strong impact on us that we slowly tend to lose ourselves in the picture that others have about you. For instance, if you know that deep inside you haven't lied but you are constantly blamed for being a 'liar', you tend to start believing that you are a liar just because you got accused.  

[raniakp-blog]

Hidden Sorrow

During certain times, however hard we try to smile and however happy we seem to be, we may be dying inside. Those unexpressed emotions just tend to clog up into this painful sensation which just makes us long for freedom from all the aspects of life. Life is a game where you are constantly knocked down and made to realize that there is no meaning to it. You are always prone to negativity from people who act like they care which makes you go through hell on earth. Our strength ultimately lies in the way we deal with it and how we treat our personal space.

[raniakp-blog]

The dialog deep inside

Sometimes, we choose our words so carefully fearing what impact it may have on the listener. We brood over what to say exactly because we are so scared how it will turn out. I have always had this kind of attraction towards friends who open up and blurt out their emotions just the way it is deep inside. One great example is my sister with whom I have shared a lot of memories together. This very character is what makes me comfortable with my best friend as well. However, how much ever I try, I have always failed at expressing myself. I end up bottling up my emotions and once I write about it, I feel so relieved that I share this bond with words where I won't be judged at all.

[raniakp-blog]

My view

So many people walk into our lives while only the autistic, showoffs and physically attractive capture our eyes. It's funny that only a handful of them actually stay in our minds, maybe for a day, a week or longer. It's only the really special ones that are capable of capturing our hearts too. Life is all about meeting all such kinds of people. They just keep entering snd exiting. No meaning at all..

Some try to stay while we push them away while others push us away when we try to cling. Temporary existence, temporary experiences, temporary people. But then, ultimately, life has to go on.

[raniakp-blog]

Unforgettable memories

And here my eternal substance resides,

Gave myself away.

Took you for granted,

And now I feel trapped.

And here my eternal substance resides,

No more animate,

Internal mementos,

Are the only things that last.

And here my eternal substance resides,

Lost I am in whirling thoughts

Of you, me and yes,

Those memories in fact!

[raniakp-blog]

The diamond

While I was busy collecting pebbles, I noticed something shiny

It looked at me and smiled

And urged me to pick it up.

I picked it up right away and kept it close to my heart.

It shined brighter day by day

In the keeping, I noticed slow changes

Changes that others felt in me and changes that I felt within

Like coins, I too developed heads and tails.

Slowly one day, the diamond started to lose its gloss

I don't know if it was just a thought

But this kept me lost for days.

To make sure, I looked at it every day.

And with each day, it started to wear off.

It seemed like it wanted to be back in that spot from where I had picked it

I was afraid and didn't place it back.

I decided to keep it instead.

I started polishing it to regain its lustre

But all my efforts were in vain.

But I won't give up and I'm still polishing it with the hope that it will shine again

Because, whatever's lost is meant to be found some day.

[raniakp-blog]

The good teacher

Most of us feel inspired

Out of nowhere, when someone speaks..

To raise our spirits within,

Intending to impart a spark

Varying in its intensity

And leaving a strong message.

To stop and think

Is what we should do.

Of all the seeds you collect,

Nurture the ones that let you grow.

[raniakp-blog]

Cut off

Cut off from all the aspects of life,

Not wanted by any.

Totally recluse and ignored by all.

Problems in all the dimensions shaping me.

Wishing to disappear for some time.

To some far-off unexplored path

Nobody to bother, nothing to worry

I wish not to live like this

I wish to be alone.

For everyone surrounding me seem to be evil

Devils wishing to suck my blood

And longing to leave me worthless.

[raniakp-blog]

Reality

We were brought to this world

As innocent beings, unaware of anything

Slowly, we got infested

By the influence of selfish and "social" souls

We lost our true self in this journey.

We were expected to yield to others' preferences

We were ignored

We were taken for granted

We were praised temporarily

But yet, we aimed at pleasing others

And lost everything we actually posessed.

[raniakp-blog]

Falling in love

The spark that you get when you start getting attracted to someone cannot be expressed by mere words. Romantic movies and successful couples do have an influence on us, that sometimes, we just start acting as if we're in a dream, often leading to regrets later. There is no easy way out to determine if that person is "the one". You just have to give them time because time can prove anything. Nothing comes easy and nothing should be left unexpressed. It takes a lot of guts to open up your feelings to someone and it also requires you to be ready for their response, whether it's a "yes" or a "no". Life never happens the way you want it to happen, it has always been very unpredictable. To love a person, we need to know what is it that attracts you to that person and if the answer points to their inner beauty, you should just go ahead. You can't let others decide for you because ultimately, it is you who has to live your life. Life is not a joke, it is a test, a test that gives you results that you never expected in the first place!

[raniakp-blog]

Momentary

I really can't explain how I'm feeling right now. It feels weird. I feel like just shutting off my entire world and running away to some place else. I feel like I don't belong here. I just don't fit in. I feel so lost and alone. I prefer being alone. My mind is playing stupid games. The very idea of hope seems so alien.

What is it that's going on with me? One part of me feels like everyone hates me, I'm just never sure of myself. I feel like a ball that's been kicked around by stupid players. I feel so left out. I feel so depressed. I want to fly away. Life has never been a burden for me until now. I'm tired of being prey. I wonder if I'll ever succeed in my so called life. Why am I this insecure?

[raniakp-blog]

Quest

In this immortal quest for action,

Oh life! Please quench my thirst with drops of joy

Let me scrutinise my inner self,

Let me not be under the influence of temporary souls

Let me be what I want to be

And let me have complete possession over what's mine

Let me not depend on materialistic values.

Let me be free, for I am a bird san wings

Let me act upon my desires

And let me discover what's right and what's wrong.

[raniakp-blog]

Self

Waking up to scanty memories of the nightmares you witnessed last night,

Remembering with every footstep you take where you actually stand.

Blinded by the illusion of all that's sweet in this life,

Hiding your emotions behind that plastic smile

And constantly conversing with your mind regarding your horrible self.

Questioning every deed

Misinterpreting people's intentions

And once again, regretting this existence.

After all, your life is all about deadly deeds and memories.