The greatest school paper ever written, by me, Spring 2013, Welcome to fandom hell
As Dante and Virgil exit hell, they come upon a new land where there are teen boys and girls and some adults, sitting around a blank television screen “Virgil, where are we?” Virgil looks around smirks and replies “Welcome to Fandom Hell, we are currently in the waiting area, where none other than the fans of BBC’s Sherlock reside.” I look around and suddenly recall some faces like that of Mark Gatiss (He wrote the series after note: I wrote this before I watched and I said Matt Gatiss… ) Moriarty (Sherlock’s mortal enemy) and Benedict Cumberbatch (Sherlock himself) I looked to my guide “Virgil, what is their punishment?” Virgil looks around sorrowfully and replies after a short pause “Why, their punishment is the new season never comes.” I gasp with sorrow for the boys and girls surrounding me. “What about reruns?” Virgil laughed replying “They aren’t allowed, they have to be eternally punished.”
We descend the stairs to find a bunch of boys and girls crying around a television, wearing robes, and glasses and carrying a stick that they seem to have fashioned into a wand of sorts, my guide does not need to wait for me to ask “This, is the first ring of fandom hell, welcome to the land of the Harry Potter fans” I look around and recognize Team Starkid (A theater troupe of over 20 kids who made parodies of the Harry Potter series) Collin Creevy (Closest thing to a fan girl in this series) and Sarah Van Orden. Virgil continues on “Their punishment is to watch Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2, to remind them that the series is over forever.” I feel greatly sorrowful for the weeping boys and girls.
We descend into the second layer to find another group of weeping people “Virgil, why are all these people weeping?” He looks at me “Now we have descended into the second layer of Fandom Hell, the Supernatural fans who are to watch all the main characters die, because it happened often in the television series, and it hurts everytime, they wipe their memories to make them forget they died.” I recognize Iron Man? No its Robert Downey Jr!!! (Iron man, from interviews, I can see him being a fan) and Raphael (One of the four archangels). We don’t spend much time.
We descend into the third layer and hears a ballad version of Poker Face “WHAT IS THAT TERRIBLE MUSIC?!” I covered my ears, Virgil laughed. “This is Glee hell, the third layer, they have to listen to every terrible glee cover on repeat, to remind them that the show wasn’t perfect” I look around and recognized Darren Criss (He plays a gay guy on the show) Brad the piano guy (Self-explanatory) and Ryan Murphy (The writer of the show who I’m pretty sure is the devil himself)
Then we go down to the fourth layer, Virgil explains almost immediately “This is Whovian Hell, they get to watch the companions die, that leaves a hole in your heart that only chocolate can fill, and they are not allowed any chocolate” I recognize David Tennant (The best doctor in my opinion after note: Wrote this before watching, Eccleston is my favorite) Rose (David’s companion) and Zoe (For obvious reasons, my friend who introduced me to the series).
Then we go into the fifth layers, Virgil again immediately explains “Demigod hell, this is where fans of the Percy Jackson series are chased by the mythical creatures they may have laughed at” I recognize Annabeth Chase (One of the main characters) Rick Riodan (author of the books) and Hades (I think it’s obvious again)
The sixth layer seems happy, cheerful almost until you get to an area where there is a stampede, and people’s bones being crushed. “Virgil, what is this??” Virgil says “Disnerd hell, this is where fans of Disney go, they get Mufasa’s death repeatedly I recognize Darren Criss (Sung covers of Disney songs before Glee) Timon and Pumba (Self-explanatory)
The seventh layer scares me… I hear the shrieks of young children and footsteps “Welcome to tribute Hell, this is where fans of the Hunger Games go, they get to partake in an eternal hunger games, to truly understand Katniss” I recognize Josh Hutcherson (plays Peeta and is a fanboy of them) Rue (Young girl who dies in the arena) and Jennifer Lawerence (Plays Katniss). I leave the second Rue gets a spear thrown in her.
The eighth layer is as equally as violent… “Welcome to Twilight hell, where Twitards” he clears his throat “Sorry… Twihards come, they get beat over the head by Remus Lupin, and Sirius Black, then eaten by Fenrir Greyback” Characters from Harry Potter? What?? “Why?” “The fans have said that J.K Rowling copied Twilight, even though she was published first. I don’t want to look at the faces, but residing there is Kristin Stewart, The entire cast except for Rob Pattinson(he has said he would mindlessly hate the series if he was not in the movies) and Stephanie Meyer
We get to the bottom of hell to hear lashes, and I see 40 year old women tied to beds, I immediately look away “This is the layer for fans of 50 shades of grey, they get eternally beaten, to see that rape and abuse is not sexy, it’s scary” “Who is here?” “Anyone who read the series and seen the movies”
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