Raving Ranting Reviewer

Hmmph...Hello tumblr. I am known as the animated Ben Yahtzee Croshow, or as many other people call me, that man that hates mainstream games the same way as a Christian hates it when some idiots bone each other inside a church during a Baptism. As you can tell from that sentence, I am a very vulgar man who makes up more analogies than the entirety of a ELA book meeting, so I advise you that if you want to ask me something, make is quick and not stupid or a bullet the size of a dick after seeing a lesbian porno will be going through you...wait, we aren't doing that? WELL FU- ((I think you guys know Ben Yahtzee Croshow, and I think you are thinking I am doing a RP blog of the ACTUAL Yahtzee. Well I'm not, I am doing one of his animated ego which is of the size of Jupitar on steroids. Blog is NSFW. It's Yahtzee guys, come on. Get ready to be reviewed by him by tagging him with "endless-vulgar-mouth". M!A status: None.))

[nintendostwonerds]

Carnival of Muses

I the man of a million faces…. I saw a thousand and one different places…. Prioritizing fun and…

((I have officially moved blogs to here! This is now my newest and most current blog!))

[nintendostwonerds]

The Game of Life... *A Closed RP with myself to move a story along...*

[carnivalofmuses-blog]

My second life I did everything I wanted to as one…

Oh boy. This was trouble. The second Scout turned his back, there literally WAS a second Scout! Than a third, than fourth, than so on…

"Ok, everyone agrees I’m the main Scout, RIGHT?!?" he shouted in question, above the others.

"YEAH! No question there!" A hatless one shouted at him. Ok, this is good. They know their place, but why are they at HIS place?!?

"Ok, good start, now secondly, tell me…"

"Why da’ hell are ya’ all ‘ere?!?" he asked.

"Question? Mabe Merasmus?" proposed one of them near the fridge.

"Na. This is something he would probably do on Solly or somethin’." another one at the TV proposed, while a Demoman on the couch watched them.

"HOO BOY! I outdid myself again! Time for round 592!" Shouted the cyclops as he drowned himself in yet another bottle.

Suddenly, a knock was heard on the door, which a Scout already there answered.

"Uh…" 9-volt started, looking at 18-volt. "This is a bad time, isn’t i-" than the main Scout came through the crowd, falling down at the kids feet.

"Depends. Why are ya’ ‘ere, kiddo?" he asked, as 9-volt showed him the paper.

"Hmm, some kind of gatherin’? Well, whatever gets me a answer to this madness…" Scout spoke.

"Yeah, ya’ ain’t kidding me…" 9-volt spoke, as they walk off.

[ravingrantingreviewer]

My third life I'm a pessimistic man...

"Ok...WHY ARE ALL THE NPC'S OUT OF THEIR UNREALISTICALLY SMALL HUMAN CAGES MEANT FOR EITHER STRIPPERS OR A OSTRICH IN THE EGG COOK OFFS?!?" Yahtzee shouted, leering at the imps, who just shrugged it off.

"Well, one of ya' guys have to get a answer to me soon, or else I will let all hell loose like a-" suddenly, he stopped...

not thinking of a painful metaphor.

"BOLLOCKS THIS IS WORSE THAN I THOUGHT!" Suddenly, a knock was on the door.

"OF COURSE! WHY NOT?!? VISITORS AT A TIME RIGHT THIS! WHY NOT COME IN?!?" he shouted at the door, as the crew came in.

"Uh...hi. We are looking for a-" but he was cut off by something in the air.

"BANZAIIII!" The man above shouted, as bullets reflected off the kids helmet and back at the Yahtzee clone, causing him to fall into his own white blood.

"YO! This is crazy! Let's get Yahtzee and bam-boozle!" 18-volt declared, as he spotted the real one hiding under his desk, and ran over to pick him up and run off.

"HE-HEY YA DK KNOCKOFF! LET ME GO!" he boomed at him, trying to get his limbless self off, while the imps were too busy with the other NPCS and Yahtzees to notice...

[ravingrantingreviewer]

Knock knock. You awake?

Ironically, I was about to close down shop for the night. I will be back in full swing tomorrow!

[arcadechampion]

A sun-shiny day has summoned the original ace of games out for a nice jaunt in the open. As he goes on about a merry stroll, Pac-Man comes to a stop. Seems someone’s coming his way!

"Oh?"

"Well, hey there, friend!" The arcade entity gives his signature smile and thumbs-up. "Can I help you?"

[ravingrantingreviewer]

Time to get in shape! If he was going to be the owner, he needed to be shape, physically AND mentally! He was also currently out for a job, until he saw a odd sight...

Sliding to a stop, he than looked at the yellow orb with shock. He obviously knew who he was, he was PAC-MAN, for crying out loud! However, he wasn't the new one. He looked...classical.

Finally! A face that even Yahtzee can't hate!

"Hello! I don't need help, just exercising myself, mentally and physically, except meeting a face that I can't even hate even if you set my house on fire with a ice cube somehow and blamed my fedora for it!" he greeted, surprisingly cheerfully, despite the analogy he made.

[ravingrantingreviewer]

Yahtzee, I'm afraid I am closing shop to this bl-

BOLLOCKS TO THAT! IF YOU LAZY ASS WON'T RUN THIS BLOG, THAN I WILL!

I'm, failing to see the logi-

THERE'S NO LOGIC! ONLY ME!

O...k. From now on, this blog will apparently be Zero Punctuation dominated and he will be the runner of it!

[jawbone-the-tenth]

More of my favorite Zero Punctuation screen caps taken out of context. I really love the STOWY one.

[ravingrantingreviewer]

Try and guess what any of these are supposed to be in context and win a cookie.

[rpg2692-deactivated20150617]

"Isn’t being an adult great? You can go on all the fairground rides, drink yourself to death, and put your dick in all kinds of magical things."

- Benjamin Yahtzee Godzilla Croshaw (via rpg2692)

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((Like Salads.)) FUCK YOU!

[franzsandz]

Part 3 of 3: Zero Punctuation: Yahtzee’s Top 5 Games of 2013: *Top 5 Best 5. Earning the Respect of a Competent Middle Manager = Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance 4. Shaking Hands with Kofi Annan = Assassins Creed IV: Black Flag 3. It Wasn’t Kofi Annan at All, it Was Nelson Mandela = Saints Row IV 2. Drifting Away to Sleep While Being Surrounded by Kittens and Money = Papers Please 1. Finding A Winning Lottery Ticket Stuck to the Sole of a Shoe Being Worn by Your Long-Lost Father = BioShock Infinite

*Top Bottom 5 5. Earning the Respect of a Large Horny Dog = Star Trek 4. Realizing Your Flies Were Unzipped the Whole Time You Were Shaking Hands with Kofi Annan = SimCity 3. Hang On, Nelson Mandela’s Dead and You’ve Just Committed a Massive Faux Pas at an Open Casket Funeral = Aliens: Colonial Marines 2. Rolling Onto a Kitten as You Sleep and Getting the Money All Dirty = Beyond: Two Souls 1. Finding An Eviction Notice Stuck to the Sole of the Shoe Being Worn by an Axe Murderer = Call of Duty: Ghosts

*Other Games Mentioned (In General) Tomb Raider 2013 The Last of Us Grand Theft Auto V

*Zero Punctuation Lifetime Achievement Award for Total Abhorrence = Ride to Hell: Retribution

[ravingrantingreviewer]

This is how I roll. The best way!

[shityahtzeesays]

But then, most people don’t understand why I like putting lettuce around my cock and hiding it in other peoples salad.

Benjamin “Yahtzee” Croshaw (via shityahtzeesays)

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It was for science...

I swear...

And I am serious that I don't do it too often...

((Thankfully I don't eat salad.))

[officialjiggly]

goodbye 2013 this has truly been the year of luigi

[dlubes]

we can all sleep well tonight

[ravingrantingreviewer]

Nintendo, PLEASE make Luigi your new mascot and I'll lets play Luigi's Mansion 1 AND 2 in one sitting!

[superxmario]

Making the status thing correct! M!A, Small until next Wednesday

-KERPOOF-

…

Welp.

[ravingrantingreviewer]

WHA...

AGAIN?!? I honestly am going to rub soap all over my mouth like it was a angry zit after this next statement...

but Mario games are more creative then these ano-

*Mouth catches fire*

OHSOTHAT'SWHYINEVERCOMPLIMENTEDNINTENDOGAMESLIKETHATBECAUSEITDISTURBSTHENATURALFRICKINGORDERAHFUCKMEITISLIKETHESEVENTHLEVELOFHELLWHEREISANYTHINGWATERRELATED?!?

[ravingrantingreviewer]

The new weapon. Open RP.

Deep inside Yahtzee's office, there was a secret bunker that he and the imps are in right now, working on their next latest weapon...

"Orange Box." "Just Cause 2."

"Portal. BOTH OF THEM!"

He was ordering games to be loaded up onto a giant CPU all at once. Once they were all on there, the imps would have limited time to add the necessary resources onto it in order for it to than become a giant WEAPONS dispenser, because, who DOESN'T want a portal gun, grappling hook, or a TF2 medic gun. "Dolphin Shaggers."

At this point the imps stopped to look at Yahtzee.

"...What?" he asked. "Is there someone behind me like a classically bad horror movie mutated with the Exorcist?" And thankfully for Yahtzee, there was.

"Ah, goody, there is....wait, WHAT?!?"

[carnivalofmuses-blog]

((Hiatus? till unknown date.))

((Well, my cpu finally gave out. Meaning I have too wait till the family gets a new tower for the CPU, or till I get a laptop of my own. In the meanwhile, I will be trying to use my kindle fire to rp…Wish me luck, I’ll need it.))

[ravingrantingreviewer]

"Ha, wish I could say the same for mine. Real life catches up with everyone."

"Yeah, the mun is trying to do that without being distracted like a OCD person playing Tetris wanting too see every possible outcome period." Yahtzee thought, before thinking that he should get some imps on that. That would be very profitable to whoever does that first...

[nerdstreak]

"HA! Glad to see I am not the only handsome righteous and ingenious gamer who is under a control of a no-good American!" Yahtzee declared, laughing in joy.

"Uhm, what the hell are you talking about, man?" Arin questioned.

[ravingrantingreviewer]

"WHAT?!? I’M TALKING ABOUT GAP SO LARGE YOU COULD DRIVE THE PLOT HOLE OF ‘REMEMBER ME’ RIGHT THR-" and there was no hole.

A moment of silence came above Yahtzee’s usual talking…

Before returning in full swing.

"I SWEAR! THERE IS SOMETHING MORE NOTICEABLE THAN A TRIPLE BREASTED HOOKER THERE!" he declared. Pay no attention to him.

[nerdstreak]

The animator sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Okay, I’m only gonna say this once: speak ENGLISH. You’re making no fucking sense, dude.”

[ravingrantingreviewer]

"WAIT A FUCKING TICK! Are you accusing my more clever than a puzzle made by 2 riddlers with divine inspiration from a third idiom talking as a different language! I'll have you know that I went to 5 schools of the language arts and I mastered each class and had enough time to bang the school's hottest teache-" POOF! Yahtzee's cartoon-ish hat has been raised up to reveal hot air coming from Yahtzee's head.

"Oh yeah, I'm still the toon version of Yahtzee..." he thought to himself, thinking about how he could fix that.

[ravingrantingreviewer]

"Hey, I saw you were following me before- sorry I didn't really get around to greeting you!"

'Heh,thanks! I'm actually the lucky one, seeing that my mun actually went onto his other accounts instead of just grinding his usual one for followers like he did with pokemon back in the day!" Yahtzee rambled.

[ravingrantingreviewer]

(I hope this works)

It did! And it is worth it seeing how I triumph over all the other z words in the internet web history on your CPU!