I SCREWED UP. @rcstingbitchface-blog - Tumblr Blog

( @ccrruptmind | from here )

❝ no, that's not what i'm doing, bucky ! you mean too much to me to just forget about and you know that, alright ? i just -- i need to try and set things straight with oliver, i need to try and apologize to him in some way, e-even if we don't stay together because i -- well i honestly don't think that's what i want, but he deserves an explanation and i need to give him that, i -- i don't mean to push you away, i really don't, i'm s-sorry, okay ? i'm sorry. you're definitely not NOTHING to me, you're ------ ❞

( you're EVERYTHING ) that was what he wanted to say, it was what he was GOING to say before he stopped himself and his breath hitched at the back of his throat. it was like everything he felt towards bucky was coming to him all at once, it was like his heart was finally longing for him, making a move to get him again, making it OBVIOUS that the younger felt an attachment and possible LOVE for him. lump started to rise at the back of his throat, trying to regain his composure and yet, he knew if he spoke, he would more than likely completely crumble infront of the opposing male. he'd fall apart and prove that he wasn't okay, that he wasn't handling this at all -- and he had to try and stay strong considering this entire thing was his own fault, it was oliver and bucky who had the right to be UPSET.

#ccrruptmind #( whiiiiiiiiiines B( )

ccrruptmind :

❪ ℬ ❫ –––––––––––––––––––––– └ NOTHING, THERE WAS nothing to say —- boyfriend, it was obvious; why would someone like connor be unattached, free to do as he pleased ( a potential love for bucky to call his own ) ?? life was a cruel being, & sentiment was even more of a tragic monster that latched itself against the soldier’s heart, able to feel the organ pumping up a frenzy within his chest breaking, torn to shreds from the confession spilling from the younger. falling from the lips of the man he had come to adore. another good thing that bucky didn’t deserve now justifiably ripped from his grasp, he figured. ❛ not me ya gotta say sorry too, con —- i should go. ❜ thinking ahead, despite the heavy weight that now nestled itself against broad shoulders, threatening to break bucky down into emotional states of upset that he needed to keep suppressed. not when connor clearly didn’t feel the way he did —- not when he was nothing more than the disgusting SIDE PIECE. frame lifted itself from the comforts of satin sheets within quaint sniffles ( & he tried to be fast, he really did, tough when his being felt as if it would topple over within an instance ) optics that were daring to blur in moisture trying to locate his clothing strewn upon the floor.

❛ y’should —- try & —- stall him. ❜ ( oh, how bucky was pleading with himself not to fucking cry )

❝ i-i'm sorry, i really am, i -- i should've told you ! i'm so sorry, bucky ! i-i can explai ----❞

he could barely even finish his sentence before he heard the front door opening and oliver's voice suddenly filled the apartment -- shit, he had gotten in already and bucky was still here. his heart was racing knowing that he was entirely screwed either way, that even if oliver didn't catch bucky here, bucky still now KNEW that connor had a boyfriend ; and for some reason, that hurt him more than it did knowing that oliver could end up finding out that he had CHEATED. perhaps it was idiotic and slightly selfish of him to be more concerned over the man he had essentially had as a side-piece as opposed to the man he was supposed to be in a committed relationship with, but he couldn't help it, he couldn't help the way his heart LONGED for bucky. he heard oliver calling out his name as he dumped his stuff upon the couch in the living room and had now started walking towards the bedroom with concern, wondering where connor was as he simply sat upon the bed, gazing up at bucky with a look of pure heartbreak and genuinely apologetic -- he felt like he frozen, like he couldn't even move.

#ccrruptmind

ccrruptmind :

❪ ℬ ❫ –––––––––––––––––––––– └ FINE WHERE BENT knees balanced perfectly upon the rubble-laced edging of the rooftop, fine remaining where he was despite the plea within the atmosphere, the lack of apparent CARE that made itself known towards oliver. bucky cared. after all —- the poor boyfriend belonging to connor held no malice within his veins, no acts of unkindness that deserved this act of betrayal. perhaps the former soldier had done nothing wrong, not his fault when he was unaware of the younger male’s relationship status —- but guilt still flourished none-the-less ( it always did ) ❛ i care. he’s probably wondering where ya are. ❜ solemn the toning that spilled, the way dulled optics could only glance towards the quiet sidewalk illuminated in dim streetlamps below, knowing, knowing that one glance towards connor could potentially BREAK him more than he already was. recovering essence torn about in the name of —- ( love ?? )

❛ —- please just go, con. ain’t like there’s anything to even say. ❜ ┘

❝ he's not really talking to me right now so i doubt he's worried, i know i deserve that, but i -- i just wanna try to explain myself...please. ❞

his voice was shaken, knowing that both oliver and bucky weren't prepared to talk to him in the slightest was enough to break his heart. it wasn't that he didn't CARE about oliver, because of course he did, even after everything with bucky, he was still his boyfriend and he did still hold a lot of love and care towards him -- but bucky was reaching levels of much higher importance to connor, knowing that he was FALLING for him ( if he hadn't already fallen ) and yet now, everything was more or less completely crumbling and shattering into a thousand pieces. his heart raced, wishing that the opposing male would just move away from the egde, not caring if jumping done nothing to him or if he wouldn't feel any pain upon colliding with the bottom, he just didn't want him to even THINK about jumping.

❝ i-i know i shouldn't have kept that from you, i know i shouldn't have...well, lead either of you on like that, but i -- i do have feelings for you, bucky, i do. that wasn't a lie, none of what happened was a LIE, i promise you that. ❞

#ccrruptmind

ccrruptmind :

❪ ℬ ❫ –––––––––––––––––––––– └ GOOSEBUMPS WERE LEFT tingling upon corrupted flesh, rare that bucky felt this way regarding anyone, puzzling perhaps that sexual urges were heightened to the point of past normalcy simply being around connor, being within an aura that he undoubtedly CRAVED. odd & yet exciting all at once, as if the ailments of negativity & sorrow that plagued the soldier’s mind faded into contentment, into something he wanted to grasp with hands phantom-laced in crimson. grasping onto the younger male, never wanting to LET GO. groan of wanting need, prickles of desirable energy ghosting through his veins, all from the latching of supple flesh against the sensitive pulse of neck; weak-spot seemingly that bucky was only able to remember now. heightening, heightening the places that mattered —– before it was over, contact void as the other male pushed himself away entirely. never had the former asset moaned in protest within his seven decades of torture, nor the twenty years previous where confidence & cockiness billowed flush. yet right here, he was needy, whines of puppy-natures seeping through pouting lips as hand was held, being dragged towards the bedroom with ultimatums tainting the already pheromone-dusted atmosphere..

❛ YA DON’T JUST get to do that & stop, con —— p l e a s e. ❜ ┘

❝ well, since you asked so nicely... ❞

smirk was evident against connor's features as he pulled bucky close to him by the grasp upon his hand, no more space between theme as his hand raised to palm against the others bare chest, turning them slightly so that he would be able to push the opposing male down upon comforts of the mattress, enjoying the sight now before him more than any other he had ever seen in his life. it was as if the fact that he had a boyfriend didn't even exist, it was like bucky was the one and only person in his life and in all honesty ? he WISHED that were the case. heart raced rapidly within confines of his chest as he allowed his frame to fall on top of bucky's own, hand raising to grasp onto the olders own, fingers lacing together as he attempted to pin his hand above bucky's head, not wanting him to move or get up from where he was upon the bed. head bowed so that he could press kisses against his neck, teeth nipping slightly as a smirk was still evident against fuzzed features, small groans of pure wanting NEED spilling out into the surroundings since there was no denying how damn needy bucky made him, how being so close to him made his heart race, caused shivers to tingle down his spine and left a tingling sensation against his lips -- he was perfect and connor knew it, he never, ever wanted him to leave, he never wanted him to be away from him.

#ccrruptmind

ultimatetrcsh :

❪ ☹ ❫ –––––––––––––––––––––– └ ❛ ’KAY. SO WHAT am i then ?? ❜

assumptions that connor wouldn’t even be able to answer flourished like forest fires within jagger, not even fueled with inevitable upset if the opposed stayed in silence, not when he knew ( god, how he knew ) that he was nothing but the bottom of the garbage truck. a piece of rotten undesirable that nobody wanted; not his folks, not his so-called college friends, not even the drug-dealer he would get sexual for to receive goods. none of them gave a DAMN & jagger hardly expected such to come from connor, no matter what. ❛ dad left ‘cos he took one look at me & got disgusted. mom was a violent bitch ( rest in peace ) that took her anger out on me. & i’m like —- bottom of the fucking barrel & i don’t even care. some dickheads are just destined to be trash. ❜ ┘

❝ so you think you're a piece of shit because your parents were assholes ? that's not fair on yourself, you deserve more credit than that. you're human, like we all are, we all fuck up and we all do some messed up shit, but that doesn't make us all garbage ---- and you're not that either, no matter what you do or what people have done to you. ❞

not even he was sure where this sudden advice or niceness was all coming from, connor more used to being somewhat sarcastic and playfully poking fun at other people, yet there was something about jagger that made him feel almost protective, almost like he had to take care of him, look after him, stop him from feeling so down about his own self. he hated to hear that people who were supposed to love and care for him, had been the reason that he even felt this way in the first place -- it made him feel like there was a heavy ache upon his heart, even if he didn't know jagger all THAT well to essentially feel that way over him.

#ultimatetrcsh

( @ultimatetrcsh | from here )

❝ you shouldn't think that about yourself, should give yourself a little more credit than just naming yourself off as nothing but trash. ❞ heavy sigh escaped connors lips, brows furrowing towards the opposing male since he truly hated to hear him speak of himself in such a degrading manner. even if he shot up and took every kind of drug there was out there, even if he drank and drank until he passed out on the daily, none of that mattered and none of it was a reason for him to call himself nothing but a piece of shit in connors eyes. he had done some pretty messed up things too, things that could completely ruin his entire life if it were to ever be known to anyone ; but he tried not to punish himself for that forever, he didn't want jagger to do the same thing.

❝ ain't a pity party, i'm just saying. shouldn't call yourself that. ❞

#ultimatetrcsh

ccrruptmind :

❪ ℬ ❫ –––––––––––––––––––––– └ SOFT GRUNT OF acknowledgement formed as nothing but vibrations within the back of bucky’s throat, optics fluttering closed into intimacy seemingly natural when it came to the younger male. apparently able to bring out another side towards the former asset once thought DESTROYED by the decades of submission & cruel talons upon previously mechanical essence. arising from slumber poised no irritation, not when the company that had awoken him in the first place was welcomed to the nines, the warming body that opposed his own currently wrapped within a singular arm. tightened grip none-the-less upon connor as tongue swiped against the sensitive pulse, dragging slowly upon slightly fuzzed flesh before lips resumed their kissing fashions —- soft, tender, emotional upon the physique he had come to adore. bucky only stopping for a few moments of bated breath, of vocals streaming hoarse upon bronze skin, whilst warming hand dragged chewed nails gently over his boyfriend’s stomach.

❛ —- baby boy should be back in bed. ❜ stated with a harsh nibble, tug, pull, & REPEAT against fleshly earlobe. ┘

that single name alone was enough to make connor groan with a need to be back within comforting sheets alongside bucky, goosebumps rising upon his skin just from hearing the opposing male utter those words, smirk evident against fuzzed features and never once faltering, not even slightly. craning his profile to the side slightly, the younger male allowed the other as much access to his sensitive pulse as possible, relishing in the moment of perfection for a brief moment before he eventually pushed himself away slightly, forcing himself to turn around in bucky's grasp so that their profiles could now be mere inches apart. it truly didn't matter how many times brown orbs fell upon the opposing male, he never once failed to leave his breath hitching at the back of his throat, inching closer before his lips eventually came into contact with the corner of bucky's lips in a teasing manner, trailing kisses down his jaw line and eventually against his neck, groan escaping his own lips since the actions meant to tease the other were causing him to become even needier. forcing himself to completely move away, he grabbed onto bucky's hand to pull him away from the bathroom and back to the bedroom, gazing towards him the entire time with raised brows ------ he didn't want them to stand around much longer.

❝ come with me then and maybe i'll get back into bed, only if you ask nicely though. ❞

#( whines over these two forever tBH )#ccrruptmind

colinjfarrellss-deactivated2017

the two very important things about Lance Tucker lbr

#( connor is about to pass out bUCKY WTF #he's just #not okay #nope )#bucky tag pending

jimmysea

#▌ █ ― ❝ youre not really my type ❞ ( connor walsh )

( @ccrruptmind | from here )

he had woke up a little earlier than expected and as a result of not being able to get back to sleep, decided to just get up and not even try to get anymore rest -- of course, he didn't wish to disturb bucky however, trying to be as quiet as possible as he made his way to the bathroom in order to brush his teeth. the sudden presence behind him had caught him off guard, yet the kisses against his neck instantly made him crane his head to the side with a soft groan, goosebumps littering across every inch of his skin, shivers tingling down his spine as the slight smirk now became evident against his lips.

❝ i didn't mean to wake you, but now i'm kinda glad i did. ❞ his voice was slightly hoarse from having woke up not too long ago, yet another slight hum of satisfaction escaping parted lips as he allowed bucky as much access to his neck as possible, the arm around his waist causing him to nuzzle his frame back against the others mans own, not wanting there to be any sort of space between them anymore.

#ccrruptmind #( w OUNDED #SO #WOUNDED )

ccrruptmind :

❪ ℬ ❫ –––––––––––––––––––––– └ SINGULAR PRESS OF luscious flesh upon his own caused whimpers, melodies of submission that connor had created without prompting, without even a HINT of such being something bucky craved ( despite decades of routine sinking down to his willing knees ) the slight toxin of gray goose & nicotine bound against opposing lips that the former asset RELISHED within, having done so for three nights prior to this moment, yet —- all good things must come to an end, right ?? knocking, sudden & eager sounding against wooden oak, the calling of the younger man’s name, the asking as to why the front door was locked. as if —- as if the unknown already possessed a KEY ?? surely not … surely connor wouldn’t have made bucky the side-piece, right ??

❛ y’got a brother ya ain’t told me about ?? ❜ how naive, the nervous chuckles that flourished from tingling, needy twin-flesh, vulnerability held within a gaze that BEGGED such response to be so. ┘

a brother. oh how he WISHED that were just the case ; but no, of course it wasn't, of course connor had massively fucked up and it was infact his boyfriend on the other side of the door. his heart raced as he heard oliver fumbling around on the other side, knowing that he was probably looking for his key to get into their apartment ---- fuck, how was he going to get out of this ? he'd have to tell bucky, wouldn't he ? he couldn't keep this from him, not when his boyfriend was about to walk through the door ANY SECOND. he panicked, pushing himself away from bucky for a moment as his hand raised to run through already slightly messy darkened tresses, shaken stream of breath becoming audible as he gazed towards the other with an apologetic stare, HATING that things had come to this, especially when his heart longed to stay with bucky, not wanting their time together to end already.

❝ uh, i -- n-no, not a brother, it's um ---- it's m-my...boyfriend. i-i'm so sorry, i didn't mean for -- i mean, i don't know why -- !! ❞ he was BEYOND panicked and flustered, not wanting to tell bucky to leave, but he also didn't want oliver to walk in and see this either.

#( cause he's a moRON #CONNOR PLS )#ccrruptmind

ccrruptmind :

❪ ℬ ❫ –––––––––––––––––––––– └ ❛ I AIN’T GONNA do anything. ❜ what was the point when the potential fall wouldn’t even cause a singular scratch upon corrupted flesh ?? merely shrug of his shoulders lifting instead, frame remaining crouched upon the graveled hanging upon the roof-top, optics glaring towards the quietened streets of twilight below. ( if only bucky could; the temptation to allow gravity victory would have been STRONG ) vocals that streamed from the man he had undoubtedly lost were still a confusion, fuzzed brows sinking against roughened features in wonderment; it wasn’t as if connor knew he had been up here, right ?? unless ———–

❛ so —- what y’even doing here anyway ?? don’t want ya getting in trouble with . . . ❜ ( him. actual concern, genuine tone flourishing as opposed to SARCASM ) ┘

❝ i came to see you, i -- i feel like i have a lot of uh, explaining to do. ❞ hand raised to rub against the back of his neck with nerves, shaken stream of breath escaping his lips since he KNEW he had more than just a little explaining to do -- he had to try and explain the situation that had occurred not too long ago between the two. in which connor's BOYFRIEND had showed up when he had been with bucky ; even though in complete and all honesty, oliver hadn't even crossed his mind, not when he was with the other man ; someone he could be HIMSELF with, someone he didn't have to lie to ---- not that he didn't care for his current partner, because he did ; perhaps that was what made this all so difficult.

❝ ---- i don't care about him right now, i just -- needed to see you. but can you PLEASE just come away from that edge, bucky...please ? ❞

#ccrruptmind

( @ccrruptmind | from here )

he couldn't help but SMILE, evident crimson staining against his cheeks as bucky's nose nuzzled up against his own, lips barely touching as he was merely inches away from a kiss that he craved and desired more than anything else in this moment. ❝ you're so right... ❞ and it was almost as if his words had suddenly become reality as upon leaning in to press his lips against bucky's own, the sudden knocking against the door caught him off guard with a gasp, a voice now coming from the opposing end that belonged to someone he, in all honesty, had forgotten about ---- his boyfriend.

#ccrruptmind #( u H OHHHHHH )

( @ccrruptmind | from here )

❝ stop talking like that, just ---- STOP. ❞ he shook his head, hand raising to rub against the back of his neck and he slowly approached the other man. his heart was racing and breaking apart at the same time, hating that things had gotten to a point where bucky was now standing atop a rooftop, contemplating taking a dive off the edge ; no matter how much he wanted to say it wouldn't affect him, the mere thought of it all was enough to make connor feel nauseous.

❝ come here...please, just don't you do this ---- d-don't. i don't care if you don't feel a damn thing at the bottom, i don't care if you wanna tell me that it won't affect you, you're still not doing this, bucky !! ❞

#( we LP )#ccrruptmind