Fan Fiction reblogs because I'm not canny enough to write stuff myself. The rest is because I like pretty pictures. She/her. Zelly, est.1981 side blog. I follow as @bitchwitch1981
Summary: You and your boyfriend get the rest youâve been longing for in a secluded cabin.
Warnings: after-intimacy bliss and comfort, established relationship, fluff, rainstorm but in that comforting way
Words: 1031
Notes: Itâs raining in my town and it got into my head. So hereâs some comfy, short one shot. I apologize for any mistakes, English isnât my first language. Please, do not copy my work. Thanks!
Dividers by: @strangergraphics thank you!
| my masterlist |
A hurried tapping of the raindrops against the roof is matching the rhythm of your beating heart. The air is sultry, it makes the blanket beneath stick to your bare skin. And the gentle, worried rustle of the leaves makes you sleepy. The nature looks so green and pure with rain washing off the heat of the summer.
Youâre on a terrace of the house you rented. Lying on the mattress your boyfriend dragged outside, because it seemed like the best idea. It was.
Resting on your back, you observe the folkloric cutouts and ornaments dangling from the ceiling. Theyâre so colorful. Red flowers, some animals, and other pieces of culture you donât know about. The owner of the house is Polish, if you remember correctly. She is a kind, older woman. She smiled so brightly at you and your boyfriend once you arrived.
You needed a getaway from your horrible corporate work as well as he craved a break after intense months of closing some millions-worth deal. Your lives are busy and lately you pulled away from each other. Thatâs why you came up with the idea to go somewhere completely secluded. Just you and him. You found this exact Airbnb and fell in love. Right by the lake, surrounded by your favourite willows and birches. A wooden cabin with twinkling lights and cozy blankets.
And now after the intimate moments you shared, you glance at Harry.
Heâs lying on his back, forearm beneath his head, his eyes closed. He seems finally relaxed. Enjoying the sounds of nature around you and focusing on just his breathing. No phone calls, no board meetings. Just him and you in the middle of nowhere, few hours away from bustling New York City.
âI can feel your eyes on me, baby.â You hear him murmur and you scoot closer with an affectionate smile. Your hand rests on his bare chest, right where the heart is.
âWhat can I say? Itâs a rare view â you being so relaxed and at ease.â
Harry sighs quietly as the wind picks up speed, making the leaves rustle in a sudden dance. You love how nature around is busy with the rainstorm, but your are safe watching it from your roofed terrace.
âI know⊠And Iâm glad you dragged me here. Even if we have no electricity.â He opens his eyes, saying these words with a quiet submission. Like he appreciates the fact you actually done something to help him out of his workaholic hollow. âNo electricity is good. Weâre closer to each other.â You respond pressing a kiss to his chest. Harryâs hand pulls you closer by the waist, so now youâre basically lying on him. That gentle smile still lingers on your lips, because youâre just so happy to be here with him.
âYeah⊠thatâs not so bad.â He smirks.
Without another word, you lean in and kiss him properly. His other hand tangles in your hair, delicately massaging your scalp just as you like. He swallows the hum that escapes your mouth, pulling closer. You let your hands wander, too. They sneak up to his broad shoulders, keeping him pressed against your body.
Neither of you care about how sticky you both are, how the heat of the day clings to your skin. The air is heavy with moisture, but in that freeing way, when you know you have nothing to do except for actually living.
That is what you and your boyfriend do.
Take in all the benefits that Mother Nature has to offer. It includes you, the rain, the tranquility of this place.
âI love you so much.â Harry whispers, brushing away some hair from your forehead.
âI love you, too. Youâll never know how much I love you.â
He smiles and you want to high five yourself whenever he does. You are one of little reasons this man is not locked up in his office, stressing out from the amount of work. You push him to seek balance in his life. Youâre his anchor. And for that? Harry will appreciate your presence till his last breath.
He watches you as you lift your head, enough to admire the nature around you. The rain is still pouring. It bounces off the wooden planks where the roof doesnât reach. It soothes you. The sound and the view. Something you donât get in the city.
Making love to Harry right here on that terrace was something you never knew you needed. And now, in the sweet aftermath as you just rest together surrounded by the green of the trees⊠You feel completely at ease. Your mind doesnât wander to numbers, or emails. It stays right here. Grounded. Brought back to life.
âThe wind is picking up, darling. Itâs so nice being here, but maybe letâs hide inside.â Harryâs deep voice pulls you out of your thoughts. You look at him with a nod, but before he can sit up, you lay one more kiss on his lips. He grins into your face.
You get up and first you gather the blanket and two pillows, carrying them to the cabin. Then, together, you drag the mattress inside. A laugh leaves your mouth, when Harry almost trips in the narrow doorway.
Once everything is settled back in the place, he grabs your cardigan and wraps your naked form in it. âCome here. You got cold.â
Itâs true, as the weather finally got blessed with the rain, the temperature dropped a little. Thank God.
âWhat now?â You raise an eyebrow, smirking.
âHow about I light the fireplace and you prepare marshmallows?â
âWeâre gonna roast them over the fire?â Your eyes sparkle up at the thought. Itâs been a while since you and your boyfriend done something so simple.
âExactly.â He kisses the tip of your nose.
Soon, you sit on a couch with long sticks aimed to the fireplace. The rain is still pouring outside, but in here thereâs just pure joy and love. You rest your head on his shoulder as you laugh together. No stress, just the promise of a sweet treat and a good time.
rating: explicit, employer/employee relationship, age gap (~10 years)
a/n: thank you so much for waiting for this one - happy feral frankie friday!
chapter one I chapter two I chapter three I chapter four
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CHAPTER FIVE: FRIDAY
WEEK THIRTY EIGHT
âDad?â, Lucia asks, her legs swinging under the kitchen chair, her small body rocking with the movement as she eats her cereal.
âYea, babyâ, Frankie replies distractedly, stirring the eggs with a spatula.
âWhen can we get a dog?â
The question is met with a tired slump of Frankieâs shoulders, a heavy sigh as he finishes the eggs.
âYouâre killing meâ, he grumbles under his breath, turning the dial off on the burner. He moves them off the heat, knowing you donât like it when they have that brown, overcooked crust on them. âWeâve talked about this so many times. Just finish your cereal, please.â
She says nothing, taking another bite and he scoops the eggs onto your plate, popping some bread into the toaster.
âDad?â, she asks again, still swinging her legs and Frankie hums in reply, pouring you a cup of coffee.
âBut when we get a dog, can we get a yellow colored one?â
âLuciaâ, he answers, his voice an octave lower. âWe arenât getting a dog.â
âOkay, but dad?â, she asks, looking over at him, watching him butter the fresh toast. âDad?â
âYeaâ, he sighs.
âWhen we get one, can we get like, a yellow one? Like a small, yellow one?â
He stops buttering the toast, giving her a stern look and she raises her eyebrows, waiting for him to answer.
âNo. Because we arenât getting one.â
She pouts, the frown appearing between her brows identical to the one her father is wearing right now and they stare at each other for a moment, waiting the other out.
rating: explicit, employer/employee relationship, age gap (~10 years)
a/n: sorry for the wait on this â I hope you like it! â€ïž also, apologies for the lack of taglist â Iâm posting from mobile these days and it wonât let me tag more than 50 people in a post, so I canât do it. Iâll reblog as soon as I can with the taglist, but if you see this and you werenât tagged right away, thatâs why. thank you!
chapter one I chapter two I chapter three
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CHAPTER FOUR: THURSDAY
WEEK TWENTY
Dinner dishes rinsed in the sink (spaghetti, Luciaâs favorite), Trouble board still on the table with a scatter of colorful pieces (you won), Barbieâs on the living room floor with their various outfits strewn over the carpet (Frankie stretched out next to Lucia, his thick fingers fumbling with the tiny Velcro clasps), evidence of the evening was everywhere and the two of you should be cleaning it up with Lucia tucked in for the night, but itâs nothing but heavy panting and soft, low sounds of pleasure coming from the couch where Frankie is settled on top of you right now.
rating: explicit (finally, amirite), employer/employee relationship, age gap (~10 years), bad but enthusiastic singing
chapter one I chapter twoÂ
a/n: this chapter is dedicated to @filthybookworm who inspires me in all things, who helped me flesh out this story and also made an incredible playlist for this series because sheâs a literal queenÂ
â
CHAPTER THREE: WEDNESDAY
the next dayÂ
The sun bright even through your sunglasses, you squint up at Frankie just to see his expression when you hear Lucia ask him for a dog â again.
âPlease, dadâ, she begs, kneeling on her towel, sand dusted all over her limbs, her hair, her sandwich; now half eaten and limp in her hand. âWhy not?â
âYea, Frankieâ, you tease with a smile, âWhy not?â
He groans, the roll of his eyes just visible under his own dark shades. âAlways picking at the scab, huh?â
You feel his eyes drift over your body, your own gaze lingering of the soft ends of his curls as they flutter in the breeze. Youâve all already been in the water â your mouth going slack for a moment when he walked out of the waves, his golden skin glistening and wet, his swim trunks molded to his body â but right now you canât stop looking at his tanned chest; his shirt gaped at the collar, the four top buttons undone.
rating: extreme yearning for one (1) man, eventual employer/employee relationship, age gap (~10 years)Â
Read Chapter One here!
A/N: Sorry about the wait on this - Happy Valentineâs Day!
â
CHAPTER TWOÂ
WEEK TWELVE
âHelp me!â, Lucia shrieks, her high-pitched laughter ringing through the house as you let yourself in the front door and a small smile tugs at your lips, bubbling into a laugh when you walk into the living room.
âNo â help meâ, Frankie pleads, his smile bright when he looks up at you from above Luciaâs wiggling body; his fingers digging into her side, her neck, her legs. Leaving the two of them wrestling on the carpet, you walk over to the couch and drop down onto it, shaking your head at both of their pleas.
âI think this is between you twoâ, you reply, tucking your legs underneath you. âI donât wanna get dragged into whateverâ â a wave of your hand in their general area â âis happening down there.â
His eyes narrow at you, a mischievous smile spreading across his cheeks when he stops tickling her, leaning down to whisper in her ear and you can guess from her breathless giggles that he is telling her that they should gang up on you. The thought of him tickling you both excites and makes you nervous but you try to keep your face neutral; an ache warming in your belly at the thought of his hands skating on your skin, at him pining you beneath his weight.
Summary:Â In search of a weekly babysitter for his daughter, Frankie Morales asks the daycare if they would recommend someone. Directing him to a college nanny website, he searches through the bios one night, coming across yours: the credentials and qualifications just what he is looking for, he decides to hire you. The photo on the website grainy and outdated, he isnât quite prepared when you show up at his door the first night - beginning a professional relationship that slowly slides into a personal one.
Rating: whatâs a rating thatâs not explicit (donât even get me started on how I donât even know because all I write is filth, lol)Â
Warnings: age gap (~10 years), eventual employer/employee relationship, pining?, fem!reader, eventual smut (Iâll raise the rating when we get there)
a/n: First chapters are hard :/ and this one was no exception - thank you so much to @filthybookworm who has helped me flesh this idea out through screaming texts and who read through it and to @pedros-mustacheâ who also read through it and was the most encouraging friend. You both are the LITERAL BEST :)
CHAPTER ONE: MONDAY
Arms full at pickup; one with his kid, the other with her bag, he had asked one of her teachers for a recommendation on where to find a sitter.
âJust like a once-a-week thingâ, he explained, shifting to balance the weight of his daughter as she fit her face into the fold of his neck. Pressing a kiss to her forehead, the chaos of the classroom rushed around his legs as he listened to the woman tell him about a website â some kind of college nanny thing - and he mentally took note with a nod, thanking her before leaving.
summary: five years later and life with harry has been everything you ever dreamed of.
pairing: harry castillo x fem!reader
content warning(s): EXPLICIT CONTENT (18+ MDNI), established relationship/family, slight age gap, (harry now in early 50s, reader now in mid-30s), time jump, talks about the difficulty of getting pregnant, harry insecurities, smut - missionary, unprotected piv, light dirty talk, harry pins your hands down and covers your mouth, creampie, oral (m receiving), no use of y/n.
word count: 8.8k
a/n: surprise - update comin' early this week! did y'all miss this story as much as i did? just as an fyi - this takes place 5 years after then came you, so they have 3 kids (stevie - 11, frankie - 6, youngest (you'll find out their name in this chapter) - 5). hope y'all enjoy! this is gonna be a different vibe than vol. 1⊠it's the calm before the storm <3
part 2. || series masterlist. || read on ao3.
Five years later and your life with Harry looked the same, yet different altogether. You both moved into a bigger home, away from the city, but closer to his parents and yours. And two children became three, with hopes for another child.Â
You ended up closing your chapter with the diner when Sammyâthe youngestâwas born five years ago. It had been a decision you didnât take lightly either. The diner and the people there had become your family, long before Harry and long before Stevie. They saw you grow up, so when you decided to leave, it was an emotional goodbye.Â
But it made sense. You wanted to be part of your childrenâs lives without worrying about missing special moments, and there were times that you wondered if Stevie ever resented you for it.Â
Her siblings managed to get all of your attentionâsomething she didnât quite have the luxury of when she was younger.Â
Yet, she never complained. Stevie was still the same sassy little girl that Harry met all those years ago, except now, she was just a couple of years away of being a teenager and it showed too. She wanted to spend more time with her friends, asked relentlessly for a phone so she can be like everyone else (Harry caved, like always), but she was still the same girl who had the biggest heart.
Because sheâd help you around the house.Â
She slipped into the role of being the big sister so easily too.Â
Frankie admired herâwanted to do everything her big sister did.Â
And Sammyâshort for Samuel after the singer, Sam Cookeâwas a sensitive little boy who was the spitting image of Harry, who just wanted to be part of whatever his older sisters were doing.
And Harry, he started working more, especially since his parents retired from the company and named him and his brother as co-CEOs.Â
But he still made time for you, for the family you both created. Harry still looked at you like the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, would come home every night and hold you.Â
Five years later, and everything just felt right.Â
âDad,â Stevie sighed, leaning against Harry at the kitchen counter. She yawned and rubbed her eyes, blinking up at him afterwards. âCan I try a sip of your coffee?âÂ
Harry looked down at her and smiled. âNo chance, Stevie girl.âÂ
âBut Iâm tired,â she said.Â
âThen maybe you shouldâve gone to bed on time,â he said, gently tapping the tip of her nose.
Stevie huffed and then yawned dramatically.Â
Harry narrowed his eyes.Â
She blinked up at him. Pleading.Â
He sighed. Harry could never say to no to her.Â
âFine. One sip.âÂ
Her eyes widened with excitement and she nodded, leaning up on her toes to give him a kiss on the cheek. âYes, yes, of course. Just one sip. Thatâs all I need.âÂ
Harry narrowed his eyes and then set the mug down in front of her. He knew Stevie wouldnât like his taste in coffeeâblack, no sugar or milk.Â
âDonât tell mom?â Stevie asked, reaching for the mug.Â
âYou kidding me? Of course not. I donât want to get in trouble either,â he grinned.Â
Stevie smiled and then brought the mug closer to her lips. She kept her eyes on Harry before she leaned forward to take a sip. Quickly, the dark and hot liquid hit her senses and she made a face. It was bitter.Â
âGross,â she said, turning around and spitting what she had sipped into the sink. âWhy didnât you tell me it wasnât good?âÂ
Harry laughed, shaking his head as he looked at her. âWould you have believed me if I did?â
Stevie narrowed her eyes and shook her head. âWell, noâŠâÂ
âExactly,â he smiled, gently reaching for her hand and kissing the crown of her head. âHad to let you figure it out for yourself, Stevie girl.âÂ
Stevie leaned against him. âDo all coffee drinks taste like that?âÂ
Harry wrapped an arm around her and shook his head. âNo, just mine.âÂ
âSo⊠Iâm hearing that I might like momâs coffee?âÂ
He chuckled. âOh, Iâm positive you will. She likes her coffee with lots of sugar.âÂ
Stevieâs eyes widened. She smiled. âThen, Iâll give coffee another try.âÂ
âMaybe when youâre older.âÂ
âIâm eleven, dad.âÂ
âYeah, older,â he repeated.Â
She huffed and then tried to reach for his mug, but he clicked his tongue and took the mug before she could get to it.Â
âFine,â she said.Â
âI said one sip.âÂ
Stevie giggled. âI know. Figured Iâd try my luck.âÂ
Harry smiled. âNice try. I can say no to you.âÂ
âYeah, sure⊠but you rarely do.â Stevie smiled, pulling away from him. âBy the way, mom said it was okay that I stay after school today. Taylorâs mom will be bringing me home.âÂ
Harry narrowed his eyes. âTaylor?âÂ
âYes.âÂ
âHave we met this Taylor?âÂ
âDad,â she sighed. âHeâs cool! We both like the same things and weâre volunteering to help clean up at the school. Itâs fine.âÂ
âHe?â Harry asked. âTaylor is a boy?âÂ
âDadââ
âIâll pick you up,â he interjected. âWhat time will you be finished?âÂ
She sighed. âAround four.âÂ
âGreat. Iâll be there. To pick you up.â
âYouâre overreacting.â
âOh, Stevie girl⊠if I was overreacting, youâd know it. Now, go get ready for school.âÂ
She sighed loudly and then walked away from him, disappearing around the corner and down the hallway.Â
âI love you!â He yelled out to her. Harry sighed, hearing the door shut as a response as he looked down at his coffee. Seeing Stevie grow upâseeing his other two children grow up tooâhave been such an amazing thing to witness, but he did feel sad about it as well.
There would come a day where they wouldnât need him anymore and Harry was just trying to hold on as long as he could before that day came.Â
Harry stepped in the bedroom and noticed you come out of the closet with a towel wrapped around your head and a robe covering your body. He bit his lower lip and walked over to you, wrapping his arms around you from behind.Â
âHey,â he whispered.Â
You smiled and turned in his arms, looking up at him. Your hand moved to his cheek, gently brushing his facial hair. He had gone a bit more grey as the years passed, crows feet more prominent at the corners of his eyes. He aged, just like you did, but he still looked so damn good. If not better.Â
âMorning, baby.âÂ
âIâm picking Stevie up from school later. After her⊠event or something.âÂ
âOh, Taylorâs mom canât take her home?âÂ
He sighed. âDid you know Taylorâs a boy?âÂ
âYes,â you answered. âHarry, theyâre just kids.âÂ
He shook his head. âI donât feel comfortable with it.âÂ
âOkay,â you said quietly, nodding. âThatâs okay.Â
âAm I overreacting?â Harry asked, his lower lip jutting out unintentionally.Â
You cupped his cheek and leaned forward to peck his lips. âNo,â you answered. âYouâre just a protective daddy.âÂ
Harry sighed and nodded, hands moving to your hips. âSheâs not gonna need me anymore, will she?âÂ
âYou know thatâs not true.âÂ
âFeels like it.âÂ
You shook your head and walked away from him to shut the bedroom door, locking it behind you. With three kids in the house, you both started locking the door, especially when adult activities were happening.Â
âBaby?â
You walked over to him and gently pressed your hands on his shoulders, pushing him to sit at the edge of the bed. He huffed quietly and unbuttoned his suit jacket, looking up at you as you straddled his waist and undid your robe to reveal your bare front to him.Â
Harry cleared his throat.Â
âYou know thatâs not true,â you repeated. âThat little girl looks at you like you hung the moon, baby. Sheâs growing up, but sheâs always going to need you.âÂ
âWhat if she doesnât?âÂ
âShe will.âÂ
âYouâre trying to distract me,â Harry pointed out. âTrying to get me to not think about my little girl having a possible crush on a boy who wonât ever be good for her.âÂ
âSheâs eleven.â
âYou telling me you never had a crush at that age?âÂ
âWell, noâŠâ
âExactly,â Harry said, eyes dipping lower.Â
âWhat will you do when she gets married?âÂ
His eyes narrowed. Harry wrapped his arms around your waist and slowly stood up only to lay you on your back with him above you. âShe wonât.âÂ
You smiled and leaned up to cup his cheek. âI love you.â
âThis isnât amusing.â
âI know.â
âYouâre looking at me like this is funny.âÂ
âHarry,â you sighed quietly, grabbing one hand and bringing to to rest against your chest. âShe will always love you, okay?âÂ
âI know,â he sighed. âI know. I justâsheâs my Stevie girl.âÂ
âI know, baby.âÂ
Harry bit his lower lip. âI should trust her, huh?âÂ
You nodded. âAnd trust me too.â
He nodded, moving his hand from your chest to your breast, covering it with his hand. Harry watched you gasp quietly, looking up at him with lips parted. âYouâre good,â he whispered. âYou know how to get me out of my head.âÂ
You smiled, grabbing his other hand and bringing it to your lips. You wrapped your mouth around the tip of his thumb, swirling your tongue around it as you felt him suddenly push into you.Â
âBaby,â Harry groaned. âWeâre gonna be late.âÂ
âI know,â you giggled, pulling his thumb from your mouth as his hand continued to massage your breast into his palm. âMmm, donât see you trying to pull away.âÂ
âGod, how can I? Look at you.â Harry cleared his throat as he pulled away from you, standing upright between your legs as you remained on your back. âHow much time do we have?âÂ
âAbout half an hour.âÂ
He grunted. âCan you stay quiet?âÂ
You grinned. âYou know Iâll try.âÂ
Harry smirked, reaching down to undo his belt, followed by unbuttoning his slacks and lowering his zipper. He pushed his pants and boxers down to his ankles as he spit into his palm before wrapping a hand around himself. âOh, I know what you want me to do.âÂ
âYeah?â You asked, biting your lower lip as you parted your legs for him even further.Â
âYeah, baby,â Harry said, eyes taking in every inch of your bare frame. He leaned forward, rubbing the tip of his manhood along you, applying pressure to your clit. âYou always did like it when I covered your mouth.âÂ
A strained whimper escaped your lips. You felt him slide the length of his hardened member along your lips, gathering your arousal with each movement. He was hot, throbbing against you lower half and you impatiently reached down to grab a hold of him.Â
âAnd you always liked to take your time,â you whispered, guiding him to your entrance. âPlease, HarryâŠâÂ
âGod, I love it when you beg,â he smirked, sliding into you in one full thrust. Harryâs eyes flutteredâlike it always did whenever he slid into you. Your walls were tight and wet, wrapping around him and sucking him in with each movement.Â
When you felt him fill you to the hilt, you let out a relieved moan. It always felt like your first time with himâeven five years later, you still looked at each other like you both just realized you were both in love.Â
âHmm, Iâll beg anytime,â you whimpered, sitting up just so you could remove the robe and the towel from your head. Now completely exposed for him, Harry delivered a rough thrust, causing your body to jerk upwards.Â
âYou promise?â He asked, hands moving to grip your hips. Harry was still in his jacket, dress shirt and tie, but he was completely bare from his lower half. He watched himself slide into you with ease, his length glistening with your own arousal. Harry tried to keep it slow, tried to force himself not to just hammer into you, but it was hard. He never could control himself around you.Â
âHâHarry,â you moaned, hands moving to grip the end of his tie as you slowly pulled him down.Â
He grinned and leaned down, brushing his lips along your own. Harry rolled his hips into you, savoring the feel of himself sliding along your walls. âFeel so good, baby.âÂ
âFuck,â you moaned. The grip around his tie tightened, but he grabbed your hands only to pin them above your head.Â
âCanât have you ruining my suit,â he grinned. âBecause if you do, Iâll have to change and Iââ Harry groaned, one sharp thrust into you. âI actually like this one.âÂ
âOh fuck,â you said loudly, his free hand coming up to cover your mouth. It was still early, and he certainly didnât want any of his children barging in either.Â
âLook at you⊠at my fucking mercy,â he said, his hips speeding up but being very careful in ensuring he didnât make too much noise either.Â
Your moans muffled against his palm, legs loosely wrapped around his hips as you arched your back. He wasnât going as fast as youâd like him to, but he was still hitting that spongy part deep inside of you with each hard thrust.Â
âHow am I supposed to go to work now?â He asked, growling lowly under his breath. âWhen all Iâll be thinking about is how good you fucking feel around me, baby.âÂ
You moaned again.Â
He pressed his hand over your mouth more firmly.Â
âGonna let go of your hands now, okay? Be a good girl and grip the sheets if you need to,â Harry smiled, releasing your wrists only to bring the same hand between your legs.Â
Your hands needed to hold onto something, especially when you felt him begin to apply pressure to your clit and rub it in circles. Instantly, your hands flew to the sheets, gripping them tightly as Harry continued his movements.Â
He wouldnât ever get tired of this, of you. You were an absolute dream. The way you looked as you were nearing the peak of your climaxâheâd commit it to memory every chance he could get and still, it felt like it wasnât enough.Â
âHarry,â you mumbled into his palm, tightening your legs around his hips to pull him closer.Â
He grinned. Harry was close too. He sped up his thrusts, but still remaining careful to not make it sound like skin slapping against one another.Â
You were moaning against his hand, gripping the sheets even tighter, as you felt the pressure build and build until it finally spilled over. Your legs pulled him in, body trembling against the bed, as Harry smirked down at you.Â
âFuck,â he groaned, pulling out to his tip only to slide back into you with ease. He could feel how fucking wet you were, how tight your walls were sucking him back in. He moved both hands now to your hips, hearing you gasp loudly as he gripped you tightly.Â
You bit your lower lipâhard. You couldnât moan or make any noise as you normally would, but you knew that Harry was close too. You could feel it in the way he gripped your hips, could see it in his face too.Â
His hips stuttered, eyes shut tight once he felt himself get closer and closer to the edge. Harryâs hands on your hips tightened even further, fingertips digging into your flesh.Â
Then suddenly, after a few more rough thrusts, Harry slammed into you and came. Hard. He dragged his fingertips down your hips to the side of your legs and back up, growling under his breath as he filled you with his come.Â
You smiled up at him and sat up, careful not to wrinkle his shirt or his jacket as you tugged on the edge of his tie to pull him down. He groaned quietly, rolling his hips slowly before pulling out, biting his lower lip as he looked down between your legs.Â
âFuck,â he muttered.Â
âMorning, baby,â you teased, leaning up and pecking his lips. âGonna feel you all day now.âÂ
Harryâs eyes narrowed down at you. âI love you.âÂ
You chuckled quietly. âI love you too. Help me clean up?âÂ
âAlways,â he said softly, licking his lip as he looked down to see his come trickle out of you. âGod, youâre fucking beautiful.âÂ
Then, he stepped away and pulled up his boxers and pants, walking to the bathroom afterwards to grab a small towel to clean you up.Â
âYou ready for the day?â You asked, teasingly.Â
Harry chuckled and nodded, stepping back between your legs and carefully cleaning up the mess that seeped out of you. âI am now, yeah.âÂ
âGood.âÂ
âBut Iâm still picking Stevie up,â he said.Â
You smiled. âI know, baby.âÂ
Then, the both of you heard quiet sounds of footsteps down the hallway. You both looked at each other and smiled.Â
âGuess the other two are now awake,â you said.Â
Harry smiled. âCome on, baby. Letâs get the cavalry ready for school.âÂ
Later that morning once all three kids were dressed and ready for school, the three of them sat at the kitchen table each with a plate of pancakes. Harry smiled to himself at the sight of the three of them, keeping an arm around your waist.Â
âMama,â Frankie said, looking up at both you and Harry. âWeâre going to the park after school today, right?âÂ
âHow about we go after we pick up Stevie? That way, itâs all of us.â You replied, walking over to her and kissing the crown of her head.
âAnd we get pizza?â Sammy, your youngest, asked. You looked across the table at him and grinnedâdeep brown eyes and dark curls that matched Harryâs. Â
âOh, of course,â Harry chimed in. âItâs pizza night.âÂ
Stevie couldnât help but smile. âI guess⊠itâs okay that you pick me up then, dad.âÂ
Harry sighed in relief. âOh good,â he said, walking towards her and kissing her cheek. âIâm glad I have your approval, Stevie girl.âÂ
Frankie giggled and looked over at her older sister. While Stevie had always cared about dressing up and doing her hair now that she was older, Frankie was the complete opposite. She was messyâlike Stevie had been at the same ageâbut she didnât like dresses or putting her hair in bows. She liked sports, always managed to get dirty and giggle about it too.Â
Sammy had finished his pancakes first, sliding off his chair and walking towards the kitchen to put his plate away. Harry looked over at him and smiled, following him and picking him up into his arms. âYouâve got syrup all over your face, Sammy.âÂ
The younger boy giggled and then stuck his tongue out to try and clean his mouth. âMmm, still good!âÂ
Harry chuckled and shook his head. âLetâs wash our hands and face, buddy.â Then, he held Sammy at sink level for the younger boy to reach. While Stevie and Frankie had the same attitude and features as you, Sammy had reminded Harry of himself when he was younger. A sensitive boy who felt so many emotions, but still had the biggest heart like his two older sisters.Â
âI think Iâm clean now, daddy,â he smiled, turning the sink off and reaching for a towel to dry off his hands and face.Â
âGood job, buddy. You ready for school?â Harry asked.Â
Sammy nodded. âMy teacher said Iâll be able to write my name soon.âÂ
âOh yeah?â Harry smiled. âYou excited?âÂ
The young boy grinned. Dimples appeared at his cheeks. âYes, then I can start writing you and mama letters too.âÂ
âYouâre so sweet, buddy,â Harry chuckled, kissing the tip of his nose. His attention was pulled briefly when he heard laughter coming from the kitchen table, glancing over to see you, Frankie and Stevie giggling amongst one another.
And he stared at you for a few seconds longer.Â
Still, you were as beautiful as the day he met you.Â
You and Harry stood in front of the school as you dropped your children off. It was Stevieâs last year at this school before moving onto middle school next year, but still, it was convenient that all three of them were under the same school for now.Â
âFrankie,â Harry said, kneeling down in front of her. âIs it basketball or soccer today?âÂ
Frankie grinned. âBasketball,â she answered. âI think Iâll beat the boys this time.âÂ
He smiled and leaned in to kiss her forehead. âGive them hell, babygirl.âÂ
âHarry,â you chuckled, moving a hand to his shoulder.Â
Frankie giggled and then wrapped her arms around Harry, turning her head to kiss his cheek. âLove you daddy! Love you, mama!âÂ
âHave a good day at school, baby,â you said, leaning down to kiss the crown of her head before she turned on her heel to go into the school.Â
Sammy bit his lower lip. This was his first year in school and he was still trying to find his footing, trying to make friends.Â
âMama?â He called out.Â
You knelt down in front of him. âYouâre okay, baby.âÂ
Sammy nodded. âYouâll be here when school is done?âÂ
âYup, me and daddy will be here.âÂ
âOkay,â he said softly. âIâll see you soon?âÂ
You smiled and gently cupped his cheek. âIâll see you soon, baby.âÂ
âLove you,â he mumbled, wrapping his arms around you before moving onto Harry to do the same.Â
âLove you, Sammy,â Harry said, kissing the crown of his head.Â
Once Sammy walked into the school, Stevie was already about to turn on her heel before Harry gently tugged on her backpack.Â
âUm, hello?â He said.Â
You smiled and watched Stevie turn around.Â
âDadâŠâÂ
âGive us a hug and tell us you love us,â he said.Â
She rolled her eyes playfully. âBut my friendsââ
âWill see how much you love us,â Harry finished for her. âIsnât that a great thing?âÂ
You let out a quiet laugh and then gently pulled Stevie into your arms. âHave a good day at school, Stevie.âÂ
She let herself relax in your arms for a second. It felt like she was that same five year old all those years ago. Then, almost like she remembered where she was, Stevie pulled away.Â
âOkay, my turn,â Harry smiled, tugging Stevie into his arms. âBe good, Stevie girl.âÂ
âI always am,â she smiled.Â
âSee you later, okay?âÂ
Stevie nodded and pulled away to look between the both of you.Â
âYou really will pick me up?â Stevie asked.Â
Harry answered without pause. âYes, Stevie girl.âÂ
She nodded and then heard her name being called. She bit her lower lip and then noticed the both of you nod once.Â
âI love you guys,â she said.Â
Harry grinned.Â
You smiled.Â
âWe love you too,â you said, leaning against Harry.Â
âI love you, Stevie girl.â He repeated.Â
Stevie smiled and then turned on her heel, jogging to catch up with her friends as she walked into the school with them.Â
Harry sighed and looked down at you. âWhy does drop off feel so sad now?âÂ
You looked up at him. âBecause our babies are growing up,â you answered, turning around with him to begin walking back towards the car.Â
Harry nodded in agreement, keeping one arm draped over your shoulder. âGrowing up too fast,â he added.Â
Now that all three kids were in school, you had plenty of time to yourself when Harry was at work too. You had been so used to working that it took a very long time to get used to this. Even Harry had to constantly remind you that it was okay, that he wanted you to stay home. It was his way of taking care of you.Â
And everyday, youâd show up to his work with lunch. It was ironic, how you were now the one to make sure he was eating during his lunch break when he used to do it for you.Â
As you walked toward his office with the food you cooked, you heard Peter from behind you. Turning, you looked over to see the other man who was grinning at you.Â
âMy brotherâs lucky,â Peter said, now walking alongside you. âI should convince Charlotte to visit me during my lunch.âÂ
You laughed quietly and shook your head. âCharlotteâs seven months pregnant. Youâd be cruel to have her come here,â you teased.Â
âYouâre right,â Peter chuckled. âI should be going home to her to make sure sheâs resting.âÂ
âSecond pregnancy tough on her?â You asked.Â
He nodded. âYeah,â he sighed. âThat and it took a while for us to get pregnant a second time.âÂ
You nodded in understanding. Both you and Harry were experiencing your own troubles with getting pregnant again. âWell, just make sure youâre there. Iâm sure she appreciates it.âÂ
âWhat about you and Harry? Trying for a fourth?âÂ
You smiled. âTrying, yeah. No luck.âÂ
Peter gave you a look of understanding. Then, he reached to rest a hand over your shoulder comfortingly. âWell, you guys will figure it out. You always do.âÂ
You nodded and then glanced over at Harryâs office door. âIs he overworking himself?â You asked honestly.Â
Peter shrugged. âWeâre co-CEOs, but I feel like since Charlotte got pregnant, heâs been taking more of the responsibility.âÂ
âSo⊠thatâs a yes. Heâs overworking himself.â You bit your lower lip.Â
âI tried to tell him I can handle it,â he whispered. âButââ
âHe doesnât want to burden you,â you finished for him. Then, it was your turn to reach out to rest a hand on his forearm. âJust look out for him when you are here, okay?âÂ
âAlways will,â Peter smiled. He reached out and knocked lightly on Harryâs door.Â
Within seconds, Harry opened the door and you noticed the look on his face before he turned to look at you. You could tell he was stressedânoticed it in his features and his posture too.Â
âYouâre here,â he said, a hint of relief in his voice.Â
âDid you forget?â You asked.Â
Harry shook his head. He glanced over your shoulder at Peter and nodded. âLost track of time.âÂ
âTake a long lunch,â Peter said. âIâll get to the next meeting.âÂ
âYou should be going home,â Harry replied. âCharlotte isââ
âI can handle one meeting, Harry,â Peter interjected. âIâll go home after that one, that okay with you?âÂ
He sighed. Harry glanced at you and felt the tension in his shoulders loosen just at the sight of you. He finally nodded at Peter and gently reached for the bag of food you were carrying. âOkay, sure. Yeah, thanks,â Harry said. âBut if you need to goââ
âIâm fine,â he interrupted. Peter gave you a hug before leaving both of you at Harryâs office.Â
âIâm sorry, baby, come in, come in,â he said, opening the door further for you to step inside. Once you were, Harry shut the door and locked it, bringing the food to the coffee table where the couch was at.Â
âHow many cups of coffee have you had?â You asked, biting your lower lip.Â
âThree.â
âHarry.â
âItâs fine, Iâm fine.â Harry removed his blazer and set it against the back of his office chair before he walked back over to you, wrapped his arms around your waist. âMissed you, though.âÂ
âYou need a break,â you sighed. âYouâre⊠overworking yourself, baby.â
Harry shook his head and leaned in to kiss your cheek. âJust making sure this company doesnât go under. My parents trusted meââ
âTrusted both you and your brother,â you corrected.Â
âHeâs got a baby on the way,â Harry sighed.Â
âAnd you have a family too,â you replied. âYou know, if your mom ever found out how much youâre working, sheâdââ
âShe wouldnât let me hear the end of it,â Harry interrupted quietly. âYeah, I know.âÂ
âCan you justâtry to take it easy?â You asked.Â
He bit his lower lip. âOkay,â he answered. âIâll try.âÂ
âPromise?âÂ
Harry nodded and moved a hand to your cheek. âYeah, baby. I promise.âÂ
âGood, now, letâs eat?âÂ
He smiled and leaned in to peck your lips. This time, he lingered though. âWhat if⊠what if I want to do something else before we eat?âÂ
You hummed against his lips and moved your hands to his shoulders. âIs that why you locked your door?âÂ
He chuckled and nodded, moving his lips to your jawline now. âYouâre my stress relief,â he whispered. âWhenever youâre around, I donât feel the weight of this company on my shoulders. Feel like I can breathe.âÂ
âMaybe I should be here more often then,â you teased.Â
Harry pulled back to look down at you. âReally?âÂ
âWhat would I even do here?â You asked.Â
He shrugged. âJust⊠stay in my office? I donât know.âÂ
âHow about⊠when you feel like the walls are closing in on you, you send me a text and Iâll make my way over here?â You suggested. âOr⊠you can pencil me in everyday and we can take a walk in the park every morning.âÂ
Harry nodded. âHow about both?â
âYeah?âÂ
He leaned in and rested his forehead against yours. âI just⊠feel better whenever youâre around.âÂ
âOkay,â you said softly. âWeâll take a walk every morningâdoes ten sound good?âÂ
Harry kissed your cheek before releasing his hold on you to go back to his desk where his computer sat. He pulled up his calendar and nodded, setting a daily meeting every morning at ten. Now, his assistant would know to never schedule a meeting at that time.Â
âTen in the morning. Everyday. You and me,â Harry said.Â
You smiled and then reached for his hand once he made his way back over to you. âGood. For now, you need to eat.âÂ
He nodded and sat on the couch, tugging you onto his lap and holding you there for a few seconds longer. âI love you, baby.âÂ
You smiled and draped an arm around his shoulders, leaning in to kiss his temple. âI love you too, Harry.âÂ
He stared at you and let the corner of his lips. He rested his head against your shoulder as you reached for the Tupperware, opening the lid and handing it to him.Â
He knew he had been working a lot lately. More so than usual. But since his parents had retired and named him and Peter as co-CEOs, he had taken his role seriously. Harry had lots of ideas to expand the company, to make even more money than his parents could ever dream of, but he didnât want it to be at the cost of his relationship with you or his family. He was still trying to balance work and his home life.Â
Stevie was the last one to be picked up after her after school clean up with other kids, especially Taylor. Harry watched his little girl come out of the school building with a young boy standing next to her and he could have sworn he had never seen her this smitten before. The boy was inching closer to her and Stevie bit her lip from smiling. It wasnât until she looked up that she saw Harry with his arms crossed over his chest and his brows pulled together.Â
âIâll see you tomorrow, Taylor,â Stevie smiled.Â
âOh,â the boy said. âOkay. Thanks for volunteering with me.âÂ
She nodded. âIâm always happy to help.âÂ
The boy stopped walking and looked at her with nervous eyes. âDo you thinkâdo you think I could sit with you tomorrow at lunch or something?âÂ
Stevieâs eyes widened. Her smile grew. âYeah, I think thatâd be cool.âÂ
Taylor grinned. âCool, yeah, thatâs⊠thatâs awesome.â Then, he leaned in and gave her a one armed hug before he pulled away abruptly, turning on his heel and jogging to where his mother was parked.Â
Stevie could feel the warmth in her cheeks as she walked over to Harry, noticing that you were seated in the passenger seat of the car behind him.Â
âDadâŠâ
âHe hugged you,â Harry said. âWas that okay with you?âÂ
âYes,â she answered. âCan you⊠not make a scene? In case heâs looking,â Stevie whispered, turning to look over her shoulder in time for Taylor to wave at her. She waved back and then turned her gaze back on Harry. âPlease?âÂ
Harry sighed. He had been stressed at work. He didnât want to be stressed about this too. So, he gently reached out and took Stevieâs backpack from her. âOkay, I can be⊠cool.âÂ
âAre you sure? It looks like you want to say something.âÂ
âI justâitâs nothing.âÂ
âDad.âÂ
Harry sighed and gently took her hand, pulling her to his side as he let out a breath of relief when Stevie leaned into him. âYouâre just getting bigger,â he said. âOne minute youâre that same five year old girl who wanted to be around me all the time and now youâre⊠youâre a preteen with a crush.âÂ
âI do not have a crush!âÂ
Harry chuckled. âStevie girl, touch your cheeks. Theyâre warm, arenât they?âÂ
âSo?âÂ
âSo⊠youâre blushing.âÂ
She sighed. âFor the record,â Stevie said, opening the door to the car once they were close enough. âI still want to be around you all the time. Youâre just⊠busy with work.âÂ
Then, she climbed in and Harry felt his heart drop. He heard the muffled sounds of greeting as the door shut, biting his lower lip. Stevie had noticed it too. And if she noticed his stress, he was sure Frankie and Sammy did too.Â
Harry set her backpack in the trunk before rounding the car to the drivers side. He pulled his phone out and texted his mom. Simple, two words that meant so much more. Meant that he was struggling, meant that he was lost.Â
HARRY: Need advice.Â
His mother didnât waste a second to reply. He looked down at his phone at her response. Harry let out a breath. She replied and said that sheâd come by the office tomorrow.Â
After the five of you walked Central Park, Harry kept a tight hold on your hand as your three kids walked ahead of you to go to the same pizza shop that you had been going to with Stevie when it was just the two of you. Marco was like family now, watching your family grow over the years.Â
âStevie noticed that Iâve been busy at work,â Harry said with a sigh. âDo I make it that obvious?âÂ
You looked over at him, tightening your hold on his hand. âYou just⊠wear your heart on your sleeve and your expressions say everything.âÂ
âI expect you to notice that, but Stevie?âÂ
âHarry, sheâs always been aware of your emotions. Mine too. Even at a young age,â you answered.Â
He sighed. You were right. Stevie was such an empathâalways noticing and feeling other peopleâs emotions. âI should get better at hiding it.âÂ
You shook your head. âHiding it doesnât fix it.âÂ
He bit his lower lip. âRight.âÂ
âWill you at least reach out to your mom?â You asked.Â
Harry squeezed your hand. âAlready did, actually. Sheâs coming by the office tomorrow.âÂ
âGood,â you said, leaning up to kiss him cheek. âShe did this before too, you know. Both your parents.âÂ
âI know.âÂ
âYou donât have to be perfect,â you whispered. âNot for the company. Not for us.âÂ
Harryâs eyes softened down at you. âItâs hard,â he answered honestly. âI just want the best for you guys and for the company.â
âWeâve got it already,â you answered. âWeâve got you, baby.âÂ
The corner of his lips lifted. âYou know all the right things to say.âÂ
You smiled proudly. âI learn from the best. Not too long ago, you were the one saying all the right things.âÂ
Harry looked down at you. He noticed the age in your features now, the subtle strands of grey streaked in your hair. You were still younger than he was, but having three kids did tend to age you a bit.Â
And yet, you still looked like the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.Â
âI love you,â he said quietly. âThinking when we get back home, after the kids are asleep, we can have more alone time?âÂ
You smiled. âI think Iâd like that.âÂ
Harry smiled and kissed your temple. âGood.â
As the five of you approached Marcoâs, Sammy was the first one to speak.Â
âCannoli?â Sammy asked, looking over his shoulder at both you and Harry.Â
You smiled and nodded. âAfter dinner though, baby.âÂ
Harry pulled you closer, releasing your hand only to wrap an arm around your shoulders. âJust like Stevie,â he mumbled with a quiet chuckle.Â
âI think Frankieâs the only one who isnât too big on sweets like the other two,â you smiled. âOur little athlete.âÂ
The three of them jogged inside with excitement in their eyes. Harry chuckled and kissed your temple, nodding over to the same table. âIâll grab the food.âÂ
âYou sure?âÂ
âYeah, baby,â Harry said, hand moving from your lower back to give a gentle pat to your ass. âNow, go. Sit down.âÂ
âNaughty, Mr. Castillo.âÂ
He grinned. âYou like it, Mrs. Castillo,â Harry winked. He walked into the pizza shop as you moved to sit at the table, smiling to yourself as you watched the four of them with loving eyes. You couldnât believe that five years ago, you and Harry shared a pizza on the very first day you met.Â
And now, here you both were, five years later. Married. With three kids.Â
Sammy ran outside and climbed into your lap, snuggling closer to you as the two other girls remained inside with Harry.Â
âHi, baby,â you said, cradling Sammy in your arms. âHow was school?âÂ
âGood,â he answered. âI made a friend.â
You grinned. âYou did? Thatâs amazing, baby.âÂ
Sammy smiled to himself. âYeah, heâs nice. Heâs new to the school.âÂ
âOh, yeah?âÂ
Sammy nodded. âI volunteered to help him in class.âÂ
You looked down at him and cupped his cheek. âYouâre so sweet, Sammy. I bet it was nice of him to not feel alone on his first day.âÂ
âHe said he was sad,â he said. âBecause all his friends were back home where he used to live.âÂ
âAnd now heâs got one friend here,â you said, gently tapping the tip of his nose.Â
Sammy grinned and nodded to himself, nuzzling his cheek further into the crook of your neck now. You held him closer to your chest and shut your eyes, reveling in the sounds of the city.Â
âAlright, Frankie, Stevie, what are we getting?â Harry asked, keeping a hold on Frankieâs hand as she slid her own into his.Â
âPepperoni,â Frankie answered, looking up at Harry with a grin.Â
Stevie nodded in agreement. âAnd cannolis.âÂ
âAnd breadsticks!â Frankie added.Â
Stevie giggled. âYes, breadsticks.âÂ
Harry smiled. âOkay, so the works. Got it.â He glanced at Stevie for a moment and noticed her pull out her phone that he had gotten for her a few months ago before she left the pizza shop to go sit outside with you and Sammy. He sighed and then scooped Frankie into his arms.Â
âHow was school, babygirl?âÂ
Frankie leaned against him. âGood. Our team won the basketball game during recess.âÂ
âOoh,â Harry smiled. She was so different than Stevie and it had been great seeing the different personalities each child had. âSo, mama and I were thinking⊠do you wanna join a sports team or something? You know, outside of school.âÂ
Her eyes lit up. âReally?âÂ
âYeah, Frankie. Youâll get to go to practice, play games on the weekend. That sound like something you wanna do?âÂ
She nodded quickly. âYes!âÂ
He smiled to himself. He didnât know where Frankie got her athleticism from, but it excited himâgetting to go to soccer or basketball games every weekend to cheer her on.Â
âBut first, pizza?â She asked.Â
Harry chuckled and nodded, kissing her temple. âYeah, babygirl. First, pizza.âÂ
Frankie smiled and then rested her cheek on his shoulder, holding onto him tightly. Just like Stevie, Frankie was a daddyâs girl. Wherever he went, she wanted to join.Â
Dinner lasted for about an hour and a half before all three kids yawned, signaling that they were ready to go home and get ready for bed. Harry looked across the table at you, still cradling Sammy in your arms as Frankie leaned against your side, blinking slowly.Â
Harry glanced at Stevie, seated to his left who had her eyes glued to her phone.Â
âI think your screen time is done for the day, Stevie girl,â he whispered.Â
Stevie looked up at him and nodded. âOkay, dad.âÂ
âBeen glued to that thing ever since I got you it,â he said.Â
She shrugged. âJust texting my friends.âÂ
âFriends?â
Her eyes narrowed. âYes, friends.âÂ
Harry arched a brow. âTaylor being one of these friends youâre texting?âÂ
Stevie rolled her eyes playfully and put her phone away, shaking her head. âHe doesnât have a phone.âÂ
âOh? So, what Iâm hearing is that kids your age can live without a phone.âÂ
âWhat? NoâŠâÂ
He chuckled quietly and wrapped an arm around her. âUh huh,â he teased.Â
Stevie leaned against him then looked across the table at you. âMom?âÂ
âYeah, baby?â You said, looking over at her.Â
âCan you⊠can you curl my hair tomorrow?â Stevie asked.Â
Harry arched a brow. He looked at you and noticed your gaze shift to him. You gave him a look, one that said not to say anything. He sighed quietly and looked back down at Stevie.Â
âYeah, of course, baby. You gonna wake up early enough for me to do your hair though?âÂ
Stevie nodded. âIâll be up and ready, I promise⊠but if Iâm tired, can I get a sip of your coffee?âÂ
Harry looked over at you.Â
âCoffee?â You asked.Â
Stevie glanced at Harry. âYeah, coffee.âÂ
Your eyes narrowed suspiciously between the both of them. âStevie, I donât think youâd like coffee, baby.âÂ
âOnly one way to find out, right?âÂ
You shook your head.Â
Harry cleared his throat. âAlright, should we get going?â He interrupted.Â
You arched a brow at him. âYouâre acting⊠suspiciously weird, Harry.âÂ
âWhat?âÂ
Stevie gently elbowed his side. He looked down at the younger girl. She gave him the same look youâd give himâdonât say anything. He let the corner of his lips lift before he shook his head. âIâm fine, baby. Those two are ready to pass out and this one needs to sleep early so sheâs not sleepy when she wakes up tomorrow.âÂ
Stevie giggled.Â
Sammy stirred in your arms.Â
Frankie rubbed her eyes.Â
âOkay then,â you said, looking between Harry and Stevie again. âAre you two hiding something?âÂ
âNope!â They both said simultaneously.Â
Harry smiled and then stood up, gently reaching for Frankie and pulling her into his arms. âReady to go, baby?âÂ
You nodded slowly, standing from the seat as you reached for Stevieâs hand with your free one. âWhat are you guys hiding?âÂ
âNothing,â Stevie giggled, leaning against your side.Â
Sammy buried his face against your neck and yawned, his eyes now falling shut.Â
Harry walked ahead of you, whispering into Frankieâs ear as she giggled quietly. Her tiny arms tightened even further around his neck as her cheek rested against his shoulder.Â
âSo, curled hair tomorrow, huh?â You said, looking down at Stevie.Â
She nodded. âIâuh, Iâm having lunch with Taylor tomorrow, so I donât know. I just want to look nice.âÂ
You smiled and adjusted Sammy against your hip before your released Stevieâs hand only to wrap your arm around her shoulders. âOh, baby, you always look nice.âÂ
She sighed. âOkay, I want to look nicer.âÂ
You nodded and leaned down to kiss the crown of her head. âMy babyâs got a crush.âÂ
She rolled her eyes. âHeâs just⊠heâs nice.âÂ
âYeah?âÂ
Stevie bit her lower lip. âAnd heâs friendly⊠and kind to everyone.âÂ
You smiled and held her closer. âGood, baby. Thatâs really good.âÂ
âAnd you know his mom, soâŠâÂ
âYeah, sheâs kind too,â you said softly. âSometimes, I forget that youâre eleven. To me, youâre still that same little girl who would get syrup or ice cream all over her face. For a long time, it was just you and me, you know?âÂ
Stevie looked up at you and nodded. You reached up and gently stroked her hair back and away from her face. âI love you, mom. Our family⊠I love it. Itâs what I always dreamed of.âÂ
âAnd daddy? You know youâve got him wrapped around your finger from day one,â you smiled. âBut that doesnât mean you get to take advantage of that now that youâre older, okay?âÂ
âI know,â Stevie said.Â
âSo, whatâs this about coffee? Hm?âÂ
Her eyes widened. âNothing.â
âUh huh.âÂ
She giggled. âI asked for a one sip,â she admitted. âI didnât like it, but dad said that I might like yours⊠because you have sugar in yours.âÂ
You laughed quietly and shook your head. âYou know, I donât like daddyâs coffee either.âÂ
Stevie smiled.Â
Then, you continued. âAlso⊠heâs going to be overprotective, okay? Youâre his little girl. To him, no oneâs good enough.âÂ
Stevie nodded slowly, glancing over at Harry who kept Frankie close to his chest. âI know,â she whispered.Â
âYou know, heâd give you the world if he could,â you said, smiling to yourself as you crossed the street to walk towards the car. âSo⊠if heâs overreacting, itâs coming from a place of love⊠and fear.âÂ
âFear?â
You nodded, tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear. âYeah, baby. Us parents⊠when our kids get older, we think that they wonât need us anymore.â
âIâll always need you, mom. And Iâll always need him too,â Stevie said quietly.Â
Stevie gave you a quick hug before jogging towards the car after you all crossed the street. Harry buckled Frankie into her car seat before he felt Stevie collide against him, her arms snaking around his waist as she held onto him tightly.Â
âHeyâŠâ he said quietly, his arms coming to wrap around her too. âEverything okay?âÂ
Stevie looked up at him and nodded. âI love you,â she said.Â
Harryâs eyes softened. âAw, Stevie girl. I love you too.âÂ
She buried her face against him and tightened her hold. âDaddy?âÂ
He felt his heart rate pick up. Stevie had stopped calling him daddy for a while now and started calling him dadâjust another sign of her getting older.Â
âYeah, Stevie girl?âÂ
âNo matter how old I get, Iâm always going to need you.âÂ
His eyes watered. âYeah? Even when youâre adult and you have a family of your own?âÂ
Stevie nodded. âYes, even then. Especially then.â
Harry smiled and wrapped his arms around her even tighter. He kissed the crown of her head and sighed quietly, looking up to see you set Sammy in his own car seat. He knew this was your doing, so he mouthed thank you before you shut the door.Â
Later that night, after the kids were asleep, you climbed into bed where Harry was seated against the headboard. Before you could even move to lay on your side of the bed, he reached out for you and tugged you onto his lap instead.Â
âHey,â he whispered.Â
âHi, baby,â you said softly. âDinner was great tonight.âÂ
Harry nodded and rested his hands on your hips, leaning forward to peck your lips lightly. âYou talked to Stevie.âÂ
âI just⊠reminded her, thatâs all.â
âYou didnât need to,â he said quietly.Â
âI know,â you answered. âI wanted to. Sheâs going to get to that age where sheâll want nothing to do with you or me⊠but I just wanted to make sure she knew that weâre still her parents.âÂ
Harry nodded. âShe called me daddy tonight. I donât think Iâve heard her say that in a long time.âÂ
âSheâs always gonna be our little girl, Harry.âÂ
âI know that,â he whispered. âJust wish time would just freeze, you know? Keep them little forever.âÂ
âI know, me too,â you sighed. âBut hey, weâre doing this together.âÂ
He smiled at that. His hands moved from your hips to your ribcage, sliding his hands under your shirt. âHave I told you today how lucky I am?âÂ
You shook your head. âAh, I knew you were forgetting something.âÂ
Harry chuckled quietly. âIâm gonna do better, okay? I donât⊠want to miss anymore moments.âÂ
âOkay,â you whispered, leaning forward to pepper kisses along his jawline. âMaybe I should just show up at the office unannounced to distract you.âÂ
Harry felt his manhood stir beneath you. He tilted his head back against the headboard and shut his eyes, moving his hands further up your body until they covered your breasts. He brushed his thumbs of your nipples as you rolled your hips into his, lips moving down the side of his neck.Â
âHmm, that could work,â he mumbled, letting out a quiet groan.Â
You felt his hardening length against your core, grounding your hips further into his. âI love you, you know that?â You asked, pulling back to look down at him.
He looked up at you and smiled. âI know, baby. I love you too.âÂ
âSo⊠will you let me take care of you?âÂ
His brow arched. âWhat?âÂ
You pecked his lips and then slowly climbed off his lap only to settle himself between your legs. You palmed the center of his boxers, his hardened manhood against your palm now. âJust sit back⊠let me do all the work.âÂ
Harry groaned and nodded. He looked down at you and bit his lower lip. He couldnât believe that this was his life. Today was a wake up call for himâhe hadnât been present in his kidsâ lives and he certainly hadnât been present for you either.Â
âYou spoil me,â he mumbled.Â
âGood. Iâm trying to return the favor,â you grinned, moving your lips now to brush against his clothed manhood.Â
Harryâs hand darted out immediately to hold your hair back, biting his lower lip in anticipation. âMaybe⊠maybe you should do this every night,â he suggested.Â
You smiled up at him and pulled down his boxers, watching his manhood twitch against his lower half. âYeah? I wouldnât mind that,â you grinned.Â
âGod,â he groaned, watching your lips wrap around the tip of his manhood. Harry cleared his throat, your eyes still locked with his. âFuck, baby.âÂ
You pulled back and ran your tongue around his leaking tip. A smile still lined your lips. âHarry?âÂ
âYeah, baby?âÂ
âI fall in love with you every day,â you said.Â
Harry grinned. He reached out with his free hand to cup your cheek. âOh, baby⊠I fell in love with you five years ago and I havenât stopped falling since.âÂ
Before he could continue though, you wrapped your mouth back around him and began bobbing your head slowly. Harry tipped his head back and reveled in the way your lips felt around him, your tongue swirling around the base of him.Â
âFuck, babyâŠâ Harryâs hand around your hair tightened as he slowly lifted his hips off the bed. âWanna try for another baby, hm?âÂ
You nodded, but with his length in your mouth, caused you to just bob around him. He growled before he pulled out of your mouth, his free hand moving from your cheek to grab hold of his base.Â
âTake off your panties,â he said, licking his lower lip. âAnd then sit on it. Take what you need, baby.âÂ
You nodded quickly. You were already throbbing and wet between your legs, sliding your panties off like he said before you straddled his hips yet again.Â
Slowly, you lowered yourself onto him, feeling his tip breach your opening first followed by the rest of his girth, stretching you slowly.Â
Both of you moaned.Â
You stared into his eyes.
Harry stared back.Â
âGonna fill you up,â he whispered. âSo much that Iâll be dripping out of you in your sleep.âÂ
You gasped, lifting your hips before sliding back down. âGet me pregnant, Harry,â you added. âPlease.âÂ
Harry smiled. Both of you had been wanting to expand your family, but this time, it wasnât easy. At least not as easy as it had been with Frankie and Sammy.Â
He gripped your hips and pulled you firmly down onto him. As you sat firmly on his lap, his entire length filling you to the hilt, you both stared at each other and let out a breathy sigh.Â
âI love you,â he whispered.Â
âI love you too,â you replied, leaning forward to press your forehead against his.Â
It had been a while since you and Harry had sex twice in one day. You both just hoped that it was a sign that youâd end up pregnant this time around.Â
series masterlist âprevious chapterânext chapter
Lesson 19
Summary: A family emergency turns out to be Eloise with a plan, your hormones have officially entered their dramatic era, and Harry decides to do something dangerously romantic about it. Unfortunately, the past has plans too.
authors note: My loves, this chapter kept growing while I was writing it, and I can't believe it almost passed 20k. I almost split it into two parts⊠but changed my mind. It's officially the longest chapter I've ever written, and I hope you have as much fun reading it as I had writing it. Enjoy! â€ïž
âą The Songs: Stand By Me â Florence + The Machine
You are the Reason â Olivia Penalva
What Belongs to You Will Find Its Way Back
April 13th...
Rhinebeck, New York
Three black cars swept up the long drive to Rhinebeck as though bad news had learned to travel in formation.
From the back seat of the first, you watched the estate emerge through the treesâgray stone, climbing ivy, and tall windows catching the last pale light of the afternoon.
It had always looked peaceful from a distance.
Today, it looked like the kind of place where families gathered to hear something they would never forget.
Harry hadn't let go of your hand since Ron received the call. His fingers remained tightly threaded through yours, his thumb brushing slowly over your engagement ring and across your knuckles in a steady rhythm that was probably meant to calm you.
It wasn't working.
Not when his jaw had been locked for the past forty minutes.
Harry had walked out of a meeting without his coat, picked you up before you'd even had time to change, and ordered the driver toward Rhinebeck without waiting for another explanation.
Across from you, Ron sat unusually still, his phone dark in his hand. He'd already called the house twice.
Both times, Eloise's nurse had given him the same answer.
Mrs. Castillo had suffered a difficult morning. She wanted the family in Rhinebeck immediately.
Nothing more.
"Did she sound frightened?" you asked again.
Ron looked up. "The nurse?"
"Yes."
"She sounded controlled."
"That wasn't my question."
Ron hesitated a fraction too long. Harry's grip tightened around your hand. You turned toward him. "Maybe we should've gone straight to the hospital."
"If she needed a hospital, her nurse would've sent her to one," Harry said evenly. "She knows what she's doing." His voice was calm. Deliberately calm.
It might've convinced anyone else.
Not you.
Harry was terrified. He was simply doing everything he could to keep that fear from reaching you. "Eloise is probably fine," he continued, his thumb brushing over your hand again. "It could be exhaustion. A medication adjustment. Anything."
"You don't believe that."
His gaze met yours. "I believe worrying before we know anything won't help you or the babies."
"I'm all right." You leaned closer, covering his hand with yours. "Hey. She's the strongest woman I know. She's going to be okay."
Harry held your gaze for a long moment, as though he wanted to borrow your certainty but wasn't sure how. "She'd better be," he said quietly.
He lifted your hand to his lips, kissing your knuckles before lacing your fingers together once more.
Your free hand drifted instinctively to the gentle curve beneath your dress.
At five months, hiding the pregnancy was no longer possibleânot with twins, and certainly not from a man who'd spent the past several weeks monitoring every meal, every yawn, and nearly every step you took.
Harry noticed immediately. "What is it?"
"Nothing."
"Was that a cramp?"
You smiled. "One of the babies."
"Which one?"
You waited until another tiny flutter danced beneath your palm. "The mischievous one."
Ron blinked. "You can already tell them apart?"
"Of course I can."
"They're identical twins."
"That doesn't mean they have identical personalities."
Another tiny kick answered for you.
You laughed softly. "This one waits until I'm trying to sleep. The other prefers interrupting my calls with Gerard."
Harry considered that. "The second one sounds strategic."
"Definitely a Castillo," Ron said with a smirk.
Harry slowly turned his head. Ron calmly redirected his attention to the window.
Before Harry could answer, the iron gates opened, and the car began its final climb toward the house.
A second car followed close behind.
Through the rear window, you caught a glimpse of your mother and Vivienne sitting side by side, both unnaturally rigid.
Lately, the two women had been spending an astonishing amount of time together.
Ever since you stopped speaking properly to Scarlet... and Harry had grown just as distant from Vivienne.
That, however, was another story.
Probably several.
A third black car turned through the gates.
You frowned. "That's Mikey's car."
Harry glanced over his shoulder.
Ron followed his gaze. "Michael was called as well."
"Of course he was," Harry muttered.
Ron's expression hinted there was more to say. He wisely chose continued employment instead.
The first car rolled to a stop beneath the portico.
Harry was out before the driver had fully opened the door. He rounded the car and offered you his hand. As you stepped out, his other hand instinctively rose above your head, shielding you from the doorframe.
You smiled. "I'm not quite big enough to need help getting out of a car."
"You're carrying our babies." His voice softened. "The least I can do is take care of my queen."
You slipped your hand into his. "You're supervising every limb I own."
Once both your feet were on the gravel, he rested an arm around your waist instead of letting go. He leaned down, pressing a lingering kiss beneath your ear. "I'm very attached to them," he murmured.
You laughed. "All of them?"
"Every single one."
Behind you, Scarlet and Vivienne climbed out of the second car.
Scarlet looked as though she'd abandoned her reading glasses somewhere along the drive. Vivienne, meanwhile, had lost every trace of color.
Your mother's eyes found yours first. Hope flickered across her face, fragile enough to disappear almost immediately.
She took the smallest step forward. At the same moment, Vivienne looked toward Harry with nearly the same uncertainty.
You felt Harry's arm tighten around your waist. Your fingers quietly found his hand.
No words were exchanged. None were needed. Together, the two of you turned toward the house. Scarlet stopped. Vivienne did too. Ron watched the mothers...
...then their children.
He let out the quietest sigh.
The third car pulled beneath the portico. Sienna stepped out first. Mikey emerged from the opposite side. For one suspended moment...
Neither of them moved. Sienna's hair was slightly less polished than usual. Mikey's tie was missing. The top two buttons of his shirt hung open beneath his coat. He looked exactly like a man who hadn't expected to arrive at his grandmother's estate with Harry Castillo's younger sister.
Harry noticed. Slowly... His attention shifted from Sienna...
...to Mikey.
Mikey straightened immediately. Sienna lifted her chin. Even Scarlet and Vivienne forgot their panic long enough to look between them.
"We ran into each other," Mikey said.
"At lunch," Sienna added a little too quickly.
"She needed a ride."
Vivienne frowned. "Weren't you supposed to be at the gallery all afternoon?"
"I was."
"Then how exactly did you run into Michael at lunch?"
Sienna opened her mouth. Nothing came out.
Mikey rescued her. "Manhattan becomes a very small place when two people are hungry."
Scarlet's eyes drifted over his missing tie...
...his open collar...
...and finally the restaurant bag still hanging from his hand.
"Apparently."
Ron glanced toward the company sedan assigned exclusively to Mikey.
"A fortunate coincidence."
Harry remained silent. Which, somehow, was much worse. You felt the exact moment suspicion began arranging itself inside his head.
Questions were coming.
Before the first one could leave his mouth, you caught the front of his coat and gave it a gentle tug.
He looked down.
You held his eyes for a beat.
Not now.
His brows drew together. Somehow...He knew you knew something. He also knew this wasn't the place to ask.
You pulled your coat tighter. "Can we go inside? I'm freezing."
Mikey disappeared from Harry's mind instantly.
His arm settled around your shoulders. "Come on."
Together, you headed for the front entrance.
The interrogation disappeared.
For now.
The front doors were already open.
Two members of staff stood inside the foyer, their expressions solemn. The housekeeper held her hands clasped tightly at her waist, while a young footman stared fixedly at the marble floor.
Something about them felt wrong. Not grief.
Performance.
The realization flickered through you and vanished before you could fully grasp it. Perhaps they had simply been instructed not to say anything. Perhaps your fear was making everything seem strange.
âWhere is she?â Harry asked.
âUpstairs, sir,â the housekeeper replied softly. âHer nurse is waiting.â
Scarlet moved first.
Her heels struck sharply against the marble as she crossed the foyer, Vivienne close beside her. Sienna and Mikey followed without looking at each other.
Harry kept one hand at your back as you climbed the stairs.
Too slowly for everyone else. Too quickly for him.
His arm tightened every time you reached another step.
âHarry, â you warned beneath your breath.
âIâm not carrying you.â
âYou were thinking about it.â
A reluctant smile touched his mouth.
You would have answered, but Eloiseâs nurse appeared at the top of the staircase. Her face was composed. Almost suspiciously composed. âThank you for coming so quickly.â
Harry stopped in front of her. âWhat happened?â
Vivienne stepped beside him. âI was gone for two days. She was perfectly well when I left.â
âSheâs resting.â
âThat isnât an answer,â Harry said.
âShe asked me not to discuss anything until everyone was present.â
Vivienne looked around sharply. âWe are present.â
The nurseâs gaze passed over the group, pausing briefly on Mikey and Sienna before returning to Vivienne.
âYes,â she said. âYou certainly are.â
She turned and led all of you down the corridor. The house had gone unnaturally quiet. No distant clatter from the kitchen. No music from one of the sitting rooms.
Only footsteps and the steady ticking of the old clock near the staircase.
At Eloiseâs bedroom door, the nurse paused. âPlease try not to upset her.â
Vivienne pressed one hand to her chest. âOh, God.â
The nurse opened the door. The curtains had been drawn halfway, leaving the room washed in muted silver light. Eloise lay beneath a pale cashmere blanket, her head resting against a mountain of pillows.
Her eyes were closed.
For the first time since the call, Harry released your hand.
He crossed the room in three strides. âAbuela?â
Eloise did not respond.
Vivienne hurried to the other side of the bed. âMama?â
The rest of you gathered near the footboard. Scarlet reached blindly for your hand, and despite everything that had passed between you, you let her take it.
Sienna stood stiffly beside her. Mikeyâs usual restless energy had disappeared completely. Eloiseâs nurse closed the door behind all of you.
A long moment passed.
Then Eloise took a faint breath. âIs everyone here?â
Her voice was weak enough to make Harry bend closer. âYes,â he said immediately. âWeâre all here.â
âScarlet?â
âIâm here,â Scarlet whispered.
âVivienne?â
âHere, Mama.â
âSienna?â
âYes, Abuela.â
âMikey?â
Mikey blinked. âUh⊠yes, maâam.â
Eloiseâs eyes remained closed. âMi reina?â
You stepped closer, Harryâs hand finding yours again. âIâm here.â
From somewhere near the door, Ron cleared his throat. âFor the record, Iâm here as well.â
Eloise remained motionless. âAh, Ronald,â she breathed. âI remembered you.â
Ron gave a small nod.
Eloise released a long, tired sigh. Then her eyes opened.
Clear. Sharp. Entirely alert.
âBueno,â she said.
Before anyone could react, she pushed herself upright against the pillows with surprising ease, pulled the cashmere blanket neatly over her lap, and held out one hand.
Her nurse placed her reading glasses into it.
Eloise slipped them on and looked around the room, visibly pleased by the collection of pale, frightened faces before her. She clapped her hands together once, bright and decisive. âEveryone is here. Perfect. Then we will not waste Dr. Adlerâs time.â
Silence.
The door to the adjoining sitting room opened.
A woman in a navy suit stepped through, carrying a leather notebook and wearing the professionally neutral expression of someone who had already been warned about the family waiting for her.
âGood evening,â she said. âIâm Dr. Vanessa Adler.â
No one moved.
Harry stared at his grandmother. âAbuela.â
Eloise adjusted her glasses. âWhat?â
âDid you fake a medical emergency?â
Her mouth fell open in theatrical offense. âFake? Ay, por favor (please). I did no such thing.â
âYour nurse said youâd had a difficult morning.â
âI did. My eggs were cold, the coffee was weak, and none of you have answered a direct question in nearly a month. It was a terrible morning.â
Scarlet made an outraged sound. âWe thought you were dying!â
âYou frightened all of us,â you added. âWe came here expecting the worst.â
âI left an entire boardroom without saying a word,â Harry said.
Sienna folded her arms. âThat was cruel, Abuela.â
Mikey whined. âI abandoned my dessert.â Everyone looked at him. âWhat?â he said. âGrief affects people differently.â
Eloise waved one dismissive hand at all of you.
âDios mĂo, look at these faces. At my age, death is always somewhere nearby. I never said it had entered the house.â
Vivienne turned toward the nurse. âYou allowed us to believe something had happened to her.â
âI said Mrs. Castillo wished to see the family urgently,â the nurse replied calmly. âThat was accurate.â
âYou trapped us,â Sienna said.
Eloise looked at her over the rim of her glasses. âHad I said, âCome to Rhinebeck, niños, there is a therapist waiting to discuss your feelings,â would you have come?â Sienna opened her mouth. Nothing emerged. âExactly,â Eloise said. âDo not argue when you know I am right. It gives me a headache.â
Mikey looked between Eloise and Dr. Adler. âYou used mortality as a scheduling tool.â
âAnd you arrived on time for the first time since I met you.â
Mikey considered that. âThatâs incredibly manipulative.â Then a slow, appreciative grin appeared on his face. âI like it.â
You stepped closer to the bed. âEloise, Iâm five months pregnant with twins. You cannot summon me by implying that you may be dying. There are currently three heartbeats inside this body, and you frightened all of them.â
Eloise reached for your hand. âCome here, mi reina.â
You gave her a suspicious look but allowed her to take it.
She squeezed your fingers between both of hers, her expression softening. âI am sorry I frightened you, mi amor.â
âYou donât look very sorry.â
âNo, because I am not sorry that it worked.â
âEloise.â
âAy, let me finish.â She patted your hand. âI would not have done any of this if all of you had not become completely impossible.â
A chorus of protests began.
Eloise lifted one finger. âÂĄBasta! (enough!)â The room fell silent. âAt our last family dinner, Scarlet and mi reina spoke exclusively through the salt and pepper.â
You glanced toward your mother. Scarlet looked away with great dignity.
âHarry and Vivienne exchanged six words all evening,â Eloise continued. âFour of them concerned the rain.â
Vivienne folded her arms. Harry said nothing, which did very little to help his case.
âAnd now Vivienne is spending every free hour with Scarlet. Just like schoolgirls. Their son and daughter are sulking in separate corners, so naturally the mothers have abandoned them to whisper together.â
Scarletâs expression became carefully blank.
Vivienne lifted her chin. âWe are allowed to enjoy one anotherâs company.â
âSĂ, of course.â Eloise looked between them over the rim of her glasses. âAnd I am supposed to believe the two of you have no secrets while you disappear for lunches, lower your voices when I enter a room, and suddenly stop speaking whenever one of your children appears.â
Neither woman answered.
Eloise gave a satisfied nod.
âYou may fool your children. You may fool one another. But you will not fool this old woman. Whatever you are hiding, whatever ridiculous problem has driven you into one anotherâs arms, you will solve it.â
Scarletâs expression remained perfectly composed.
Which, in your experience, generally meant Eloise was right. Sienna lowered her head, hiding a smile. Then Eloise turned toward her.
âAnd you.â
Sienna blinked. âWhat about me?â
Eloise narrowed her eyes. âYou have been happy.â
Sienna stared at her. âIâm sorry?â
âToo happy,â Eloise said. âSmiling at your telephone. Disappearing for lunch. Wearing perfume in the afternoon.â
âThat doesnât mean anything.â
âSĂ, sĂ. And I am a foolish old woman who has never seen a girl hide a man.â
Mikey coughed. Eloiseâs head turned toward him immediately.
âAnd there he is.â
Mikey straightened. âWhy am I suddenly involved?â
Eloise looked from him to Sienna and back again.
âI may be eighty-six, cariño, but when it comes to romance, deception, and badly concealed attraction, my mind is still sharper than most of yours.â
Sienna abruptly found the carpet fascinating. Mikey looked toward the window. âCome on, Eloise,â he said with an unconvincing laugh. âThis is becoming wildly speculative.â
âMm-hm.â
Harryâs eyes narrowed. âWhat exactly does that mean?â
Eloise waved one hand dismissively. âNothing you need to worry about yet.â
âAbuela.â
âDo not âAbuelaâ me. If there is something to know, I will know it before you do.â
From near the door, Ron murmured, âAt least we now know where the Castillos inherited their observational skills.â
Eloise released your hand and settled back against her pillows, looking around at the family with the weary affection of a woman who had raised too many stubborn people and somehow acquired several more.
âSo I have decided that all of you need therapy.â
âWe do not all need therapy,â Vivienne said.
âSome people need boundaries,â you murmured.
Scarlet looked at you. âSome people need to communicate instead of freezing out their mothers.â
âSome people need to stop investigating other peopleâs private lives,â Vivienne added.
Harryâs jaw tightened. âSome people need better judgment regarding men.â
âAy, Dios mĂo.â Eloise struck the mattress lightly with her palm. âListen to yourselves. You sound like children arguing over one toy.â No one answered. âAs the eldest person in this family, I am asking for one afternoon without secrets, sulking, investigators, secret lunches, mysterious interviews, and whatever else you are all doing behind closed doors.â
She pointed toward Dr. Adler.
âYou will speak to this nice woman. You will tell her the truth. Not the elegant version, not the corporate version, and not the version where you are all innocent little angels. You will solve your problems, or at the very least, you will learn to argue more quietly. I would like to enjoy the rest of my life.â
Dr. Adler cleared her throat and stepped forward.
âMy plan is to begin with a few brief private conversations. Afterward, weâll meet together to discuss the patterns affecting the family as a whole.â She glanced around at the collection of reluctant faces.
âShall we begin?â
The private sitting room was smaller than Eloise's bedroom, warmer too, with tall windows overlooking the gardens and a low fire crackling beneath the marble mantel. A carafe of water sat on the table beside a box of tissues with the quiet menace of something fully expecting to be needed.
Dr. Adler was already seated in one of the armchairs, her notebook resting open across her lap. She gestured toward the sofa opposite. "Please. Make yourself comfortable."
You lowered yourself carefully onto the cushions, one hand supporting the underside of your stomach. "Comfortable stopped being an available position about three weeks ago."
A faint smile tugged at her lips. "Would another cushion help?"
"If you bring me another cushion, Harry will somehow sense it through the wall and order six more." That earned a soft laugh. You adjusted your skirt and glanced toward the closed door. "I still can't believe Eloise actually did that."
"I'm observing that her method was effective," Dr. Adler replied. "Everyone she asked to come arrived."
"Because we thought she was dying."
"Which says something rather lovely about how much she means to all of you."
You narrowed your eyes. "That sounds suspiciously like therapeutic manipulation."
"It sounds like an observation."
"You're going to fit into this family beautifully."
She smiled, letting the joke pass. Instead, her attention drifted brieflyânot intrusivelyâto the curve of your stomach. "Before we discuss your family⊠how are you feeling? Is everything going well with the pregnancy?"
You rested your palm over the place where one of the babies had been moving throughout the drive. "I'm about as well as anyone five months pregnant with twins can be."
"Tired?"
"Constantly."
"Any pain today?"
"No. Just pressure, backache, occasional insomnia⊠and two tiny people with very strong opinions about where my internal organs should be."
She nodded. "And emotionally?"
You looked at her. "That feels like a much more expensive question."
"It usually is."
A comfortable silence settled between you.
Then she asked, "Where would you like to begin?"
You gave her a knowing look. "You already know where Eloise wants us to begin."
"She gave me a broad outline."
"And?"
"I'd rather hear your version."
You sighed. "Of course she did." Another quiet pause. "If we're actually doing thisâŠ" You drew a slow breath. "Everything started after I moved into Harry's house."
At the time, you had been barely three months pregnant. The babies were still easy enough to hide beneath tailored coats and structured dresses. The nausea wasn't. Neither was the exhaustion. But Queen Financial had only just begun recovering, and the last thing you wanted was for anyone walking into a boardroom to mistake pregnancy for weakness. For weeks, you carried ginger tea in coffee cups and smiled through mornings when simply remaining upright felt like an act of corporate defiance.
"And your mother knew?"
"Everything."
"Was she supportive?"
You let out a quiet, humorless laugh. "I thought she was."
When you told Scarlet, she'd cried. She'd held your face, kissed your forehead, and told you that after everything you'd survived, you deserved something beautiful. Then, less than twenty-four hours laterâŠ
âŠthe conversation became strategy.
"Her first concern wasn't my health. It was the company."
Dr. Adler remained silent.
"Queen Financial was still fragile. Investors were watching everything I did. And she believed a public pregnancy would overshadow the recovery. She thought it would become the only thing people saw."
Scarlet's voice still echoed in your memory.
You cannot announce this yet, darling. Not until the company is stronger.
At first, you'd agreed. It seemed reasonable. Temporary. You'd wait until refinancing was complete. Then the board transition. Then quarterly earnings. There was always another milestone. Another reason to wait.
"How did that make you feel?"
You looked down at your hands. "Like I wasn't carrying two babies. Like I was carrying a liability."
Dr. Adler let the silence sit. "And the wedding?"
You leaned back carefully. "That was worse."
Scarlet had been thrilled when you and Harry found your way back to one another. She'd told you pride wasn't a substitute for love. That you'd regret letting fear choose your future. But once the ring was on your fingerâŠ
âŠand the pregnancy could no longer be hiddenâŠ
Everything came with conditions.
You cannot marry him while you're visibly pregnant.
"I honestly thought I'd misheard her."
"What was her reasoning?"
"That Manhattan would turn it into a circus."
Another memory surfaced.
They'll say Harry rescued you, rescued your company, got you pregnant, and rushed you down the aisle before anyone could ask questions.
"None of that was true."
"No," Dr. Adler said quietly. "It wasn't."
You gave a faint smile. "But she wasn't wrong about the headlines."
The smile faded. "She wanted us to wait until after the girls were born."
Twenty minutes later, Scarlet occupied the same sofa.
Her posture was immaculate, one elegant leg crossed over the other. Even now, she looked more like a woman preparing for a board meeting than a therapy session. Dr. Adler closed her notebook from the previous conversation and opened it to a fresh page.
"Tell me what changed from your perspective."
Scarlet folded her hands neatly in her lap. "She finally looked happy."
Dr. Adler waited.
"I had watched my daughter spend years carrying responsibilities that should never have belonged to her. Then she found her way back to Harry. She was expecting twins. She had a future." A faint smile touched Scarlet's lips. "I wanted to protect it."
"And what did protecting it look like to you?"
"Managing the circumstances around it."
"You mean the company."
"Among other things."
Scarlet glanced toward the window before continuing. "Queen Financial had only just survived the worst crisis in its history. Investors were watching everything. I believed one public pregnancy would eclipse everything she had accomplished."
"And the wedding?"
Scarlet didn't hesitate. "I wanted that to belong to them."
Dr. Adler tilted her head slightly. "Ms. Queen remembers it differently."
"I'm aware."
Scarlet let out a slow breath. "I told her she wasn't a spectacle. My concern wasn't the marriage. It was how the world would rewrite it. I wanted her achievements to remain her own."
Silence lingered for a moment. Then Dr. Adler asked quietly, "And what do you think Queen heard?"
Scarlet's brow furrowed.
"IâŠ"
She stopped.
Dr. Adler didn't rescue her. Instead, she simply waited. Scarlet's shoulders lowered almost imperceptibly. "âŠThat I cared more about appearances than about her."
Another pause. "Was she wrong?"
Scarlet didn't answer immediately. Finally⊠"No." She looked toward the floor. "Not entirely."
Dr. Adler turned back to you. âWhat happened after that conversation?â
"I stopped telling her things."
Scarlet's response came without hesitation.
"She punished me."
"I set a boundary."
"She excluded me from the pregnancy."
"She knew the babies were healthy."
"She wouldn't let me attend the next scan."
"She tried to relocate my obstetrician to Rhinebeck."
"I suggested an alternative arrangement."
"She had an examination room prepared in the house."
"It was discreet."
"It had a chandelier."
"The chandelier was already there."
Dr. Adler paused.
"And the flowers?"
Scarlet's eyes narrowed slightly. "Medical rooms are unnecessarily bleak."
Back in your session, you looked toward the ceiling. "Do you see what I'm dealing with?"
"I'm beginning to," Dr. Adler admitted.
"The second baby had already been identified as a girl," you continued. "The other refused to cooperate."
Despite yourself, a smile appeared.
"A few days ago⊠we finally found out."
Dr. Adler smiled back.
"And?"
"Another girl."
The words still warmed something inside you.
Two daughters.
Two tiny heartbeats.
Two entirely different futures already unfolding.
"And you haven't told your mother."
"No."
"Why?"
You looked down at your engagement ring before answering.
"Because I wanted one thing to belong to Harry and me before it became a theme, a luncheon, a guest list⊠and twelve thousand flowers."
That earned the smallest laugh.
Then Dr. Adler grew thoughtful.
"So withholding that information became a boundary."
"It did."
"And it remained one?"
"For a while."
"And after that?"
You hesitated.
"âŠMaybe it stopped being only a boundary."
"A little?"
You sighed.
"Moderately."
One corner of Dr. Adler's mouth lifted.
"Elegantly punitive."
Despite yourselfâŠ
You laughed.
"So Harry wasn't exaggerating."
"Oh?"
"He told me your sense of humor usually appears about twenty minutes after your honesty."
You smiled despite yourself.
"He's annoyingly perceptive."
"I've noticed."
Dr. Adler closed the notebook.
For a moment, neither of you spoke.
Finally, she said,
"I'd like to ask you one last question."
You nodded.
"When Scarlet said she was protecting youâŠ"
"âŠdid any part of you believe her?"
Silence. A long one. EventuallyâŠ
"Yes."
"And yet?"
"I didn't need protecting."
"You needed trusting."
Your voice had become barely more than a whisper. "I needed her to trust that I could live my own life."
Dr. Adler nodded once. "I think that's a very important distinction."
She stood, gathering her notebook. "I won't ask you to forgive her today." You looked up. "I don't think either of you is ready for that. But I do think you're both grieving the same relationship."
You frowned. "The same relationship?"
"The one each of you thought you had. And that's usually where healing begins."
By the time Harry took your place on the sofa, Dr. Adler had already filled several pages. She turned to a fresh one and poised her pen above it. âMr. Castillo. Tell me about your mother.â
Harry settled back, resting one ankle over his knee. âMy mother is seeing a man.â
Twenty minutes later, Vivienne answered the same question with visible irritation. âI had dinner with a perfectly respectable gentleman.â
âFour dinners,â Harry said in his own session.
âThree dinners and one lunch.â
âTwo lunches.â
Vivienne sighed and looked toward the ceiling. âMy son apparently keeps a ledger.â
âThere was also a weekend in Connecticut.â
âThere were twelve bedrooms in that house,â Vivienne protested.
âThat doesnât make the weekend less concerning.â
âIt makes it considerably less intimate.â
âHe sent her roses.â
âHe is French.â
Harry looked directly at Dr. Adler. âThat is not a defense.â
Dr. Adler rested the tip of her pen against the page. âMr. Castillo, your mother is an autonomous adult.â
âIâm aware.â
âYou had the man investigated.â
âAutonomy does not eliminate due diligence.â
"And did your mother ask for your protection?"
"No."
"Then why did you decide she needed it? What are you afraid will happen?"
âHe could take advantage of her.â
âFinancially?â
âFinancially, socially or emotionally. Those things often overlap.â
âAnd did your mother ask for your protection?â
âNo.â
âThen why did you decide she needed it?â
Harryâs fingers moved once against the arm of the sofa. âPeople rarely ask before something goes wrong.â
âThat sounds less like an answer about this man and more like an answer about someone else.â
His eyes lifted to hers. âMy father left.â
The words were flat and controlled. Dr. Adler did not immediately begin writing again.
âYour parents divorced?â
âNo.â
She paused. âYour mother is still legally married to him?â
âYes.â
âAnd yet he has not been part of her life for years.â
âNo.â
Harry looked toward the window. âMy mother never received an ending. He simply left her with the consequences.â
âNot anymore. We donât remind her. The last time her condition worsened, the doctors told us to avoid anything that could trigger another episode.â
Dr. Adler regarded him quietly. âSo your fatherâs absence is something the entire family is required to live around, but never fully discuss.â
âThat isnât why weâre here.â
âPerhaps not. But it may explain why another man entering your motherâs life feels less simple to you than it does to her.â
When Dr. Adler later asked Vivienne about Harryâs behavior after Eduardo left, her irritation softened. âHe became efficient.â
âThat sounds like an unusual response to grief.â
âIt was Harryâs response. He dealt with the lawyers, the accounts and every practical problem Eduardo left behind. Sienna was nineteen and furious. Harry called her constantly until she threatened to block him.â
âAnd you?â
âI was still married to a man who had chosen not to be my husband.â
Vivienne looked down at her hands.
âHarry decided that if Eduardo had abandoned his responsibilities, he would assume all of them.â
âDid you ask him to?â
âNo. Harry has never waited to be asked.â
Back in his own session, Dr. Adler said, âHas this new man given you any reason to believe he intends to hurt her?â
âNot yet.â
âSo youâre preparing for a betrayal that has not occurred.â
âIâm being cautious.â
Dr. Adler lowered her pen. âYour motherâs marriage never formally ended, your fatherâs absence cannot be openly discussed around your grandmother, and you have spent years managing the consequences. It makes sense that you want this new relationship verified before you allow yourself to trust it.â
âAllow myself?â
âYes. Because this is not only about whether your mother trusts him.â
Harry said nothing.
âItâs also about whether you can tolerate her beginning a new life when the old one was never properly closed.â
In Vivienneâs session, Dr. Adler asked, âDoes being legally married to Eduardo affect how you feel about seeing someone else?â
Vivienne was silent for a moment. âSometimes.â
âGuilt?â
âNot toward Eduardo.â Her answer came sharply. âHe surrendered any right to ask for loyalty when he left.â
âThen what?â
Vivienne exhaled. âThe strangeness of it. Beginning something new when part of my life is still sitting unfinished in a locked room.â
âAnd Harry knows that.â
âHarry knows everything.â A faint smile touched her mouth. âThat is both his best quality and his most exhausting one.â
Later, when Dr. Adler brought them into the room together, Harry sat at one end of the sofa and Vivienne chose the other.
âHarry,â Dr. Adler began, âyour mother understands that your actions come from love.â
âAnd arrogance,â Vivienne added.
âAnd arrogance,â Dr. Adler allowed. âBut she is not asking you to erase the risk. She is asking you to trust her to decide whether it is worth taking.â
Harry looked at his mother. âDoes he know youâre still legally married?â
âYes.â
âDoes he know why?â
âYes.â
âDoes he know about Abuela?â
âOnly what he needs to know.â
âHas he asked for money?â
âNo.â
âProfessional introductions?â
âNo.â
âAccess to the family?â
âNo.â
âHas heââ
âHarry.â
He stopped.
Vivienneâs voice softened. âIâm not replacing your father. Iâm trying to stop living as though the life he abandoned is the only one Iâm allowed to have.â
That silenced him.
After a moment, Harry nodded once. âIf something feels wrong, youâll tell me.â
âYes.â
âImmediately?â
âWithin a reasonable period.â
âDefine reasonable.â
Dr. Adler lifted one hand. âNo negotiations.â
Harry looked dissatisfied but relented. âFine.â
âAnd you will not investigate him further,â Vivienne said.
âI wonât authorize any new investigation.â
âThat isnât the same sentence.â
âItâs the sentence Iâm offering.â
âHarry.â
He sighed. âI will not investigate him further.â
âOr ask Ron.â
His silence lasted half a second too long.
Dr. Adler looked at him. âOr Ron,â he added.
Vivienneâs shoulders eased. She reached over and touched his cheek. âMy poor baby boy.â
Harry leaned away. âMama.â
âYouâve always been so devoted to me.â
âI am forty-six years old.â
âAnd still my baby.â Vivienne smiled. âWhen you stop treating me like a helpless abandoned wife, Iâll stop treating you like a worried little boy.â
Harry looked toward Dr. Adler. âIs this therapeutically appropriate?â
She made one final note. âIt appears to be working.â
Vivienne patted his cheek again. âMy baby boy.â
Harry closed his eyes. âThis was a mistake.â
Dr. Adler turned to a fresh page.
Across from her, Mikey settled into the armchair as though he had been waiting his entire life for an audience legally required to listen to him.
"Before we start," he said, leaning forward with a conspiratorial smile, "everything we say in here stays in here, right? I can tell you anything?"
"Within the boundaries I explained earlier, yes."
She regarded him over the top of her notebook.
"Although I was under the impression we would be discussing your problem."
"I don't have a problem."
"Are you certain? You and Miss Castillo appear to be concealing something from your families."
His smile faltered.
"Did Eloise tell you that?"
"She shared several suspicions."
"That woman missed her calling."
"What was her calling?"
"International espionage." He leaned back with a sigh. "Fine. It was a problem. Mostly."
Dr. Adler waited.
"I realized I liked Sienna." Another pause. "I then tried several strategies that failed spectacularly." She waited again. "And eventually everything worked because of my little sister."
That finally earned a smile. "You asked your sister for advice?"
"I did."
He leaned forward again, lowering his voice. "My little sister is the smartest woman I know. Smarter than my mother. If that sentence leaves this room, I'll deny it under oath."
The corner of Dr. Adlerâs mouth curved. âAnd you asked your sister for advice about Sienna?â
âI did. She told me to stop trying so hard and just be myself.â He leaned back, satisfied. âShe was right.â
Twenty minutes later, Sienna occupied the same chair. She looked considerably less pleased by Queen's advice. "I'd never thought of Mikey that way before," she admitted.
"He was funny. Different." A small smile appeared. "But whatever this is⊠it only started last week."
"What changed?"
"He came to an auction I'd curated." A pause. "Everything went downhill after that."
One Week Earlier
The Belcourt Auction House, Manhattan
The auction room was exactly what wealthy New Yorkers liked to imagine culture looked likeâpolished wood, quiet lighting, priceless objects behind glass, and enough restrained elegance to justify spending absurd amounts of money.
Mikey wandered through it wearing a burgundy velvet jacket, cropped black trousers, martini-print cashmere socks, tinted glasses, and the cream trilby Sienna would later describe as a personal attack against art.
A numbered paddle rested in one hand.
An open packet of gummy bears occupied the other.
He stopped in front of an abstract painting made up of three black lines.
A member of staff approached.
"A striking piece, isn't it, sir?"
Mikey tilted his head.
"Is it finished?"
"âŠYes, sir."
"Good for him."
Then he saw Sienna.
She stood near the front beside the auctioneer, dressed in a sharply tailored dark suit that somehow made everyone around her look underprepared.
His grin appeared before he could stop it.
He had come for her. Entirely for her. Mostly for her. He lifted the paddle and waved. Sienna noticed immediately.
Her expression passed through surpriseâŠ
âŠdisbeliefâŠ
âŠsuspicionâŠ
âŠand something softer that disappeared almost as quickly as it arrived.
She gave him the smallest wave in return. Unfortunately⊠So did the auctioneer.
Genevieve Crane smiled from behind the podium.
Mikey, meanwhile, looked at her with absolutely no recognition. An unfortunate situation⊠considering she remembered him perfectly.
"Two hundred and eighty thousand from bidder seventy-four."
Mikey blinked.
"What?"
The auctioneer rested one hand beside the gavel.
"Two hundred and ninety thousand on the telephone."
Mikey frowned.
"No, I was waving toâ"
"Three hundred thousand from bidder seventy-four."
A ripple spread through the room.
Across the aisle, Sienna's eyes widened.
She shook her head frantically.
Mikey pointed at her.
"No. Her. I was waving at her."
"Three hundred and twenty thousand."
"What? No."
The auctioneer's smile never wavered.
"Three hundred and forty?"
Mikey threw both hands into the air.
"Stop looking at my hands!"
"Three hundred and forty thousand from bidder seventy-four."
Sienna mouthed,
Put. The paddle. Down. You idiot.
Mikey stared at the paddle as though it had betrayed him personally.
He shoved it inside his jacket.
The auctioneer waited.
The room fell silent.
"Three hundred and forty thousand, once."
Mikey cautiously raised one finger.
"Can I ask a question?"
"Three hundred and sixty thousand."
"Oh, come on."
"Three hundred and sixty thousand, once."
Sienna covered her face.
"Twice."
Mikey looked at her helplessly.
The gavel struck.
"Sold."
Polite applause echoed through the room.
Mikey remained frozen. "What did I buy?"
The gentleman beside him closed his catalogue. "A seventeenth-century Venetian cristallo marriage goblet."
Mikey stared at the stage.
"Singular?"
"Yes."
"For three hundred and sixty thousand dollars?"
"Plus buyer's premium."
He closed his eyes.
"âŠI don't know what that means."
The moment the auction ended, Mikey headed straight for the auctioneer.
"Excuse me."
She looked up pleasantly.
"Yes?"
"There has been a terrible misunderstanding."
"Has there?"
"I was waving."
"You raised your paddle."
"To say hello."
"Several times."
"Because you kept selling me things."
"I sold you one thing."
"For the price of an apartment."
She smiled.
"You should probably familiarize yourself with auction procedure, Mr. Queen."
A beat.
"Although I suppose rules have never been your strength."
Mikey frowned.
"âŠDo we know each other?"
Sienna stopped walking. The auctioneer laughed once. "Typical Mikey."
Recognition finally dawned. "âŠGenevieve?"
Her smile vanished. "Oh. So you do remember."
"Fuck."
"Perhaps the rules of an auction slipped your mindâŠ
the same way the woman you left alone in a hotel suite apparently did."
Sienna quietly turned away and began speaking to another member of staff.
"Hey."
Mikey hurried after her.
"That was six years ago."
"I was a different person."
She didn't even look at him.
Behind themâŠ
Genevieve smiled.
Mikey slowly turned back toward her. "You vindictive witch."
"You just ruined everything."
Two attendants approached carrying the goblet on a velvet tray.
It was breathtaking. Centuries old. Delicate. Beautiful.
Mikey looked at it with absolutely no emotional attachment.
"Congratulations, Mr. Queen."
"Shall we process the purchase through the Queen Foundation account?"
Mikey closed his eyes. "âŠOf course it's the foundation account."
He looked at the goblet. "âŠWell. I bought it. So it's mine."
He reached into his coat⊠removed the packet of gummy bears⊠and tipped them directly into the three-hundred-year-old Venetian goblet.
Silence. Genevieve stared. "That object has survived three centuries."
"And now it has purpose."
The administrator held the tablet toward Mikey again. As he prepared to sign, Genevieve leaned closer.
âTry not to forget this one by morning, Mr. Queen. It cost considerably more than the women you leave behind.â
Mikeyâs hand stopped above the screen.
He looked at her for a moment, then lowered the stylus. âOne second.â
He took out his phone and started a video call. "You asked for it."
The screen rang twice before you appeared. You were seated somewhere bright in a silk blouse, one hand resting beneath the pronounced curve of your stomach. Yuliana stood beside you with a tray of tea.
âMikey.â
âHey, baby sister. You look beautiful. Radiant. Glowing.â
âWhat did you do?â
âThatâs hurtful. You donât even know why Iâm calling.â
âYou only call me âbaby sisterâ when money, police, or bodily injury are involved.â
âTechnically, none of those.â
Dr. Adler interrupted the story. âYou called Ms. Queenâyour sister?â
Mikey nodded. âShe was the only person who could get me out of it.â
âAnd she did?â
A proud grin spread across his face. âWithout even setting foot in the building.â
Mikey turned the phone toward Genevieve. "Someone would like a word."
Genevieve took one look at the screen. "âŠQueen." Her face fell. "Shit."
Mikey held the phone closer anyway.
The change in your face was almost imperceptible. Your posture remained relaxed and your voice gentle, but every trace of warmth disappeared.
âGenevieve, darling. Listen carefully, because I am five months pregnant with identical twins, I slept for approximately three hours, one of them has mistaken my ribs for a rehearsal studio, and the other appears to be conducting experiments on my bladder. What little patience I have left is reserved for members of my immediate family.â
Yuliana nodded solemnly behind the phone.
Genevieve raised her chin. âYour brother placed a valid bid. He should know the rules.â
âMy brother should know many thingsâauction procedure, womenâs names, and when to stop wearing that hat among them. His intellectual limitations are not the matter presently under review.â
Mikey looked offended.
You continued without acknowledging him. âThe auction was recorded. Your staff saw him attempting to correct the bid. Half the room watched you accelerate the increments while addressing a registered bidder with whom you have an undisclosed personal history.â
Genevieveâs expression faltered. âThat has nothing to do withââ
âIt has everything to do with professional conduct. Do not mistake my brotherâs stupidity for an opportunity.â
âHey, sister-â Mikey protested.
You ignored him.
âMichael may be an idiot, but he is our idiot. You used a charity auction to settle a six-year-old grievance with a man who did not even remember you well enough to understand that he was being punished.â
Genevieveâs face flushed.
You studied her for another second. âAlso, whatever youâve been earning by selling antiques to harmless fools appears to have been reinvested in self-tanner. That was an unfortunate decision. The shade is less Saint-Tropez and more decorative terracotta.â Yuliana tilted her head, considered Genevieve on the screen, and nodded again. âAnd is that Valentino from four seasons ago?â you continued. âGenevieve, honestly. If you intend to humiliate my family in public, at least donât do it dressed like an archived press sample.â
Siennaâs eyebrows rose.
Mikey beamed at the phone as though you had complimented him personally.
âThat is insulting,â Genevieve said.
âNo. It is embarrassing. There is a difference.â
Your hand moved over your stomach as one of the babies shifted. âHere is what happens next. You void the sale, apologize to Mr. Queen for the misunderstanding, and return the goblet to its case before he attempts to serve breakfast cereal in it.â
Mikey glanced at the gummy bears. âI wouldnât use milk.â You gave him a look. He closed his mouth.
Genevieve folded her arms. âAnd if Belcourt refuses?â
Your smile appearedâsmall, beautiful, and lethal. âThen the Queen Foundation will dispute the transaction, suspend its annual patronage, and request a formal ethics review into why a senior auctioneer accepted repeated accidental gestures as bids from a former sexual partner without disclosing the conflict.â Genevieveâs lips parted.
âI am currently carrying the future beneficiaries of both the Queen and Castillo families and, regrettably, I am one of the most discussed women in Manhattan. If I say this was personal retaliation disguised as a charitable transaction, by breakfast every board member, donor, and consignor attached to Belcourt will know exactly which phrase to repeat.â
Silence fell around the podium.
Mikey slowly selected another gummy bear.
You tilted your head. âHave I explained the available options clearly?â
Genevieve swallowed. âYes.â
âYes, what?â
âYes, Ms. Queen.â
âWonderful. I knew we would understand one another.â Your smile vanished as smoothly as it had appeared. âYuliana, end the call before she mistakes any more of my attention for social relevance.â
âI love you, baby sister,â Mikey called quickly. âTake care of my nieces.â
âTry taking care of your own reputation for the rest of the day.â
The screen went dark.
Genevieve turned toward the administrator. âVoid lot forty-seven.â
The attendants took the goblet from Mikey. Before surrendering it, he scooped the gummy bears out with one hand and dropped them into his mouth.
From across the room, Sienna laughed.
She finished her conversation and walked toward him, glancing once at Genevieve and the retreating attendants. âLet me guess. Queen fixed it?â
âYes.â Mikey removed his tinted glasses. âSienna, Iâm sorry. Iâm an idiot.â
âFor putting gummy bears in a three-hundred-year-old Venetian goblet?â
âNo. Well, partially.â He glanced down at the paddle still protruding from his jacket. âI came to an auction you curated because I wanted to support you, and somehow I made the entire thing about me.â
âThat does seem to happen around you.â
âI know.â His confidence disappeared for the first time that afternoon. âBut I came because of you. I care about you. More than a little, actually. And when Iâm around you, my hands apparently stop communicating with my brain, and then I forget what I meant to say, andââ
Sienna began to laugh again.
Mikey frowned. âThis feels like a vulnerable moment.â
âYou really are unlike anyone Iâve ever met, Mikey.â She shook her head. âI told you to put the paddle down, and instead you hid it inside your jacket and kept raising your fingers.â
âI panicked.â
âThat was obvious.â
âDoes the fact that youâre laughing mean you forgive me?â
âI donât think so.â
âWhat if I buy you dinner?â
Sienna looked at him for a moment. âOne dinner.â
By the time everyone returned to the sitting room, the April light beyond the tall windows had begun to fade, softening the edges of Rhinebeck into shades of blue and gold.
Without anyone consciously deciding it, everyone drifted back to the same places.
You settled beside Harry. His hand found yours immediately, his thumb brushing lightly across your knuckles. He didn't ask how your session had gone. Somehow, the gesture promised he wouldâlater, when the answer belonged only to the two of you.
Across from you, Scarlet sat with the same composed posture she always carried into difficult conversations. This time, however, when your eyes met, neither of you looked away.
Beside her, Vivienne crossed one elegant leg over the other. She still looked faintly offended by several events of the afternoon, but no longer refused to acknowledge Harry's existence.
Harry gave her the smallest nod.
It wasn't quite an apology. It wasn't forgiveness. But it was a beginning.
Sienna chose the armchair nearest the fireplace.
Mikey sat on its broad arm without asking.
She looked up at him and, for the first time all day, didn't tell him to move.
Dr. Adler closed her notebook.
"I've heard four very different stories today," she began. "But they've all led me to the same conclusion."
The room grew quiet. "When this family is frightened, none of you asks for control." She looked around the room. "You simply take it." Harry lowered his eyes. Scarlet folded her hands. Vivienne's expression softened almost imperceptibly. Mikey suddenly found the pattern in the rug fascinating. "You investigate." She looked at Harry. "You plan." Scarlet. "You withhold." Your turn. "And sometimesâŠ" her gaze shifted toward Mikey and Sienna, "âŠyou attempt to solve problems before anyone has admitted they're problems."
Mikey slowly raised a finger.
"I feel mildly targeted."
"You should."
A ripple of laughter moved through the room. Even Harry smiled.
Dr. Adler waited until the laughter faded.
"Every one of you described those choices as protection."
She paused. "The person on the receiving end experienced them as control."
Silence settled once more. "I'd like each of you to try something different."
No one spoke. "The next time you're frightened for someone you love⊠ask them what they need before deciding for them."
Nobody argued.
For this familyâŠ
âŠthat alone felt like remarkable progress.
The door opened.
Eloise stepped inside, carrying her cane less as a walking aid and more as a symbol of authority.
She surveyed the room carefully.
No one appeared to be crying.
No one appeared ready to disown anyone.
She gave a satisfied nod.
"Bueno." She tapped the floor once with her cane. "Enough emotional growth for one afternoon." A beat. "Dinner is ready."
"And if any of you start another family crisis before the soupâŠ"
"âŠI'll schedule a second therapist."
Mikey stood immediately. "What kind of soup?"
"The kind you'll eat."
"That still doesn't narrow it down."
Sienna quietly caught the back of his jacket before he could continue and steered him toward the hallway.
Scarlet and Vivienne followed together, their conversation noticeably quieter than it had been only an hour earlier.
Harry rose beside you, offering his hand.
Once you were standing securely, his palm settled against the small of your back.
"Ready?"
You nodded. "Starving."
"Good."
"I intend to steal at least half your dessert."
"You always do."
"I know."
Together, you followed the others into the corridor. Within moments the sitting room fell silent. Almost.
Dr. Adler slipped her notebook into her leather bag and reached for her coat. A discreet knock interrupted her. The door opened just enough for Ron to step inside before quietly closing it again.
He remained standing. "May I ask you something?"
Dr. Adler smiled faintly. "Is this about the family?"
"No."
"Good."
She gestured toward the empty sofa. "Then it's probably about you."
"I'd prefer not to turn this into a session. If a man has never had a serious relationship but his current girlfriend wishes to get married and he doesn't believe he's readyâŠ" He adjusted his cuff. "âŠthere also happens to be a childhood friend."
Dr. Adler considered him for a moment. "Does your girlfriend know you're emotionally preoccupied with someone else?"
"No."
"Then you shouldn't agree to marry her."
"And the childhood friend?"
"Do you want a future with her or is she simply a safe possibility that allows you to postpone making a difficult decision?"
Ron frowned. "How does one determine that?"
"By telling both women the truth."
He looked genuinely disappointed. "That sounds unnecessarily human."
From somewhere down the corridor came Eloise's unmistakable voice.
"ÂĄRonald! Harry is already answering emails at the dinner table!"
Ron reached for the doorknob. "This conversation never happened." "ÂĄRonald!"
"I'm coming, Mrs. Castillo."
The door closed behind him.
April 23rd
A week after Rhinebeck, Queen Financial had settled into a rhythm that was not quite normal, but no longer felt like an emergency.
Gerard called every morning with whatever developments he believed required your attention. Dana sent carefully filtered briefings twice a day, having apparently decided anything capable of raising your blood pressure required written authorization before reaching you.
Emily and Chloe phoned almost daily, supposedly to discuss work and inevitably ending with questions about the twins, your appetite, and whether Harry had yet attempted to place you under medically supervised house arrest.
He hadn't. Technically.
By Friday evening, your final call with Gerard had lasted twelve minutes longer than promised.
âThe revised projections are in your inbox,â he said through the speaker. âYou donât need to look at them tonight.â
âYou sent them to me tonight.â
âI sent them so you would know they exist.â
âAnd now that I know they exist, you expect me not to open them?â
âYes.â
âThatâs an unreasonable understanding of my personality.â
From the other end of the sofa, Harry calmly reached over and removed the phone from your hand. âWeâre done,â he said.
Gerard did not hesitate. âThank you, Harry.â
âYouâre both becoming intolerable,â you informed them.
âMonday morning,â Gerard replied. âGood night, Ms. Queen.â
The call ended before you could object. Harry placed your phone facedown on the coffee table, well beyond your immediate reach. You looked at him. He looked back. âThat was hostile.â
âThat was twelve minutes past your own deadline.â
âI was receiving information about my company.â
âYou were reorganizing the executive committee from the sofa.â
âThey needed reorganizing.â
âTheyâll still need it on Monday.â You narrowed your eyes. Harry had already picked up the television remote. âNo more work tonight.â
âWhat are we doing instead?â
âWatching a movie.â He moved closer and began scrolling. âNo.â
You glanced at the screen. âWhatâs wrong with that one?â
âHome invasion.â
âItâs listed as a romantic comedy.â
âI checked the parentsâ guide.â
âYou checked the parentsâ guide?â
âIâm being thorough.â
You laughed. âHarry.â
He ignored you and continued scrolling.
Finally he stopped. âThis one.â
You looked at him suspiciously.
âHave you already researched it?â
âIMDb. Two reviews. Parentsâ guide.â
ââŠOf course you did.â
The poster showed two people standing beneath strings of lights beside the sea. âA woman returns to the coastal town where she grew up,â Harry read. âShe meets a man renovating an old hotel.â You considered it. Harry nodded once. âNo violence. No blood. No psychological torment.â
âFinally.â
He pressed play. As the opening credits rolled, he stood.
âWhere are you going?â
âPopcorn.â
âWith actual salt?â
He gave you a look. âIâll be right back.â
You settled deeper into the cushions he had arranged behind your back. A minute later Harry returned carrying a large bowl of popcorn. He sat beside you, glanced at the curve of your stomach, and carefully balanced the bowl on top of it.
You looked down.
Then slowly back at him.
âIâm carrying your children.â
âIâm appreciating the engineering.â
âYouâre using me as furniture.â
âYouâre beautiful in every form, baby.â
Before you could answer, he leaned over and kissed you, slow and gentle. You reached for the popcorn.
Your face fell almost immediately. âThereâs a rumor of salt.â
âWeâre watching your sodium.â
You sighed dramatically. âThis family has become a dictatorship.â
The film began exactly as promised. It was gentle, romantic, and occasionally funny without trying too hard. The heroine inherited a weathered seaside hotel.
The hero knew how to repair everything except his own emotionally guarded heart. Harry disliked him immediately. âHe should tell her why he left.â
âItâs been twenty minutes.â
âHe has already created unnecessary confusion.â
You smiled. âThatâs how films work.â
By the middle of the film, your head had settled against Harryâs shoulder while his fingers moved absentmindedly along your arm.
Beneath the blanket, your stomach gave a sudden, unmistakable ripple.
Harry looked down immediately.
Another tiny movement answered beneath the fabric.
He smiled, leaned over, kissed your stomach, and rested his palm gently over it.
âEasy, girls,â he murmured. âWeâre trying to watch a movie with your mother.â
Another kick answered beneath his hand.
You considered it seriously.
âI think they want pistachios.â
âFive minutes ago they wanted popcorn.â
âThey changed their minds.â
âTheyâre growing.â
ââŠFair enough.â
He started to stand.
You caught his hand. âThe roasted ones.â
âThe roasted ones.â
âAnd bring the whole bag.â
Harry bent to kiss your forehead. âOne full bag of roasted pistachios coming right up.â
As he disappeared toward the kitchen, you settled deeper into the cushions, both hands curving around your stomach as though congratulating the girls on another successful negotiation.
On the screen, the film drifted quietly toward its conclusion.
The hotel had been restored.
Something tightened painfully behind your ribs. Before you understood why, your vision blurred. One tear escaped. Then another. Within seconds they were falling too quickly to hide.
Harry turned immediately. âHey.â
You wiped beneath your eyes, only making the tears worse.
âHey, heyâŠâ He set the popcorn aside at once, his hand instinctively finding your stomach. âWhat happened? Are you hurting?â
You shook your head.
âThe babies?â
âNo.â
âThen why are you crying, baby?â
You pointed helplessly toward the television. âThe movie.â
Harry looked at the screen, then back at you. âThe movie?â
âThey're justâŠâ Your voice cracked. âThey're just getting married.â He stayed quiet. âThey're just doing it.â Another tear slipped free. âThere isn't a wedding planner shouting into a headset. No ballroom booked two years in advance. No security outside checking guest lists.â
You swallowed hard.
âNo board wondering whether the timing is strategically responsible. No journalists deciding what the wedding means for my company. No headlines about my dress, my body, or whether marrying you affects the markets on Monday.â
Harry didn't interrupt.
On the screen, the couple exchanged vows while the ocean rolled gently behind them.
âThey're just getting married,â you whispered again.
âThey get to live it before the rest of the world starts talking about it.â
Harry reached up and gently brushed another tear from your cheek. âOh, baby.â
A shaky laugh escaped you.
âI know. I'm crying over a fictional beach wedding.â
âI don't think that's why you're crying.â
You looked back at the television. The bride had slipped off her shoes. Her guests were laughing. The waves reached the edge of the aisle.
âI don't think I want all of it anymore.â
âAll of what?â
âThe spectacle.â
The word hung quietly between you.
âFor years I thought that if I ever got married again, it had to be⊠perfect.â
You gave a tiny, humorless smile. âPerfect enough to justify everything that came before it.â Harry remained silent, listening. âBut watching thisâŠâ Your eyes drifted back to the screen. âIt just looks⊠peaceful.â
You leaned against him a little more. âI don't want our wedding to become public property before we've even lived it.â
His hand tightened gently around yours. âI don't want to spend the day wondering which photograph they'll print first⊠or what the markets will do on Monday.â
âYou won't.â
âWe can't control that.â
âNo,â Harry said softly.
âBut we can control what we choose to give them.â
You lifted your head to look at him. âI want one thing that's ours first.â A pause. âBefore anyone turns it into a headline.â
Harry studied you for several quiet seconds. âDo you want a beach?â
Despite the tears, you smiled. âMaybe.â
âBarefoot?â
You looked back at the television. âLet's not become primitive.â
A laugh escaped him. âFair.â
The newlyweds ran laughing toward the water while their friends chased after them.
You watched them for another moment before speaking again. âBesides⊠Scarlet and Vivienne already decided we should wait until after the girls are born.â
Harry listened. âThat's still months away.â
You looked down at your stomach. âAnd by then everyone will spend the entire wedding talking about the babies instead of us.â
He brushed a loose strand of hair behind your ear. âYou're the one who said you didn't want to be a bride with an enormous stomach.â
âI know.â
Your voice softened. âBut if it were something like thisâŠâ You glanced back toward the beach on the screen. âSmall. Quiet. Just family.â A tiny smile appeared. âI don't think I'd care.â You looked at him again. âEverything in my life has to happen in front of an audience simply because I'm a Queen.â
Your hand drifted toward the small bowl on the coffee table.
It was empty.
You stared into it for a long second.
âThe pistachios are gone.â
Your face crumpled all over again.
Harry looked from the empty bowl to you just as another sob escaped.
âOh, no.â He cupped your cheek immediately. âShh, baby. Don't cry.â
âI wanted more.â
âI'll order more.â
âTwo bags.â
âTwo bags.â
âAnd the lemon sorbet.â
He had already unlocked his phone.
âAnd those thin crackers Dana brought last week.â
His thumb moved across the screen.
âAdded.â
âAnd strawberries.â
He glanced up. âYou said pistachios.â
âThe situation has developed.â
A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. âClearly.â
âAnd chocolate-covered pretzels.â
âAnything else?â
You frowned thoughtfully, genuinely considering the question. ââŠThe little tangerines.â
Harry added them without another word before setting the phone aside. âEverything's coming. â He drew you gently back against his chest. âNow breathe for me.â
You nodded, still sniffling as you wiped beneath your eyes.
âIâm fine.â A pause. âItâs just the hormones.â
His lips brushed the top of your head. âOur wedding will be beautiful, baby.â You curled closer against him. âHowever we do it.â
âOkay,â you whispered.
The movie continued quietly in the background, but neither of you was really watching anymore.
Harry's fingers moved slowly through your hair until your breathing gradually steadied.
Only then did his eyes drift back toward the television.
The bride and groom were laughing barefoot beneath the driftwood arch. No ballroom. No photographers. No headlines. Just the people they loved. Harry watched in silence. His gaze lingered on the weathered wooden arch⊠the shoreline⊠the small gathering of family and friends. Then something almost imperceptible softened in his expression. A thought. Nothing more.
He said nothing.
He simply looked back down at you, asleep against his shoulder, one hand resting protectively over the gentle curve of your stomach.
A faint smile appeared.
The Following Morning
Chez Akiko
The restaurant had not yet opened for lunch, but the table nearest the kitchen was already occupied by six people who had been summoned with varying degrees of urgency and almost no useful explanation.
Emily sat at the head of the table with coffee in front of her. Chloe had arrived carrying two garment bags and the conviction that every crisis could be improved with appropriate tailoring. Dana was answering emails beneath the table, while Ron had placed a leather folder beside his plate and appeared to be the only person who had anticipated an agenda.
Mikey was eating something the kitchen had not officially served him.
Harry remained standing.
âWe need to plan a wedding.â
Everyone stopped.
Mikey lowered the croissant in his hand. âWhose?â
Harry looked at him.
Mikey considered the question. âRight. Context clues.â
Emily leaned back in her chair. âYou and Queen are already getting married. After the babies are born.â
âScarlet and Vivienne have interviewed three event planners,â Chloe added. âOne of them presented a forty-page proposal for the flowers alone.â
Dana finally looked up from her phone. âThe preliminary date is being held for late summer.â
âAnd an entire team of professionals is supposed to organize it,â Emily said. âSo why are we here?â
Harry placed both hands against the back of the empty chair in front of him.
âIâm not talking about that wedding.â
The table went quiet again.
Mikey slowly set down his croissant. âThere are two weddings now?â
âTechnically, yes,â Harry said.
Chloe narrowed her eyes. âWhat exactly are you planning?â
âSomething private. This weekend.â
Six faces turned toward him.
Even Ron blinked.
Emily slowly placed her coffee on the table. âHarry, itâs Thursday.â
âIâm aware.â
âYou want us to arrange a wedding in two days?â
âA small one.â
âRich people always say that,â Emily said, âbefore describing a small country.â
âNo ballroom, no hotel, no press. No guest list beyond the people in this room and immediate family.â
Emily studied him. âWhat changed?â
Harry looked down at the table. âWe watched a movie last night. There was a wedding on a beach.â He paused, remembering the way your voice had broken when you said the couple had simply been allowed to marry. âShe said she didnât want ours to become public property before weâd had the chance to live it.â
The room grew quieter.
âNo reporters,â he continued. âNo analysts deciding what our marriage means for the companies. No photographs released before she chooses them.
She wants something that belongs to us.â
âA private beach wedding,â Emily said softly.
âYes.â
âJust friends and family.â
âYes.â
âAnd Queen doesnât know.â
âNo.â
Mikey raised one finger. âAre you sure weâre talking about my sister? She used to plan her wedding while she was still in elementary school.â
âI can confirm that,â Chloe said. âThere were sketches.â
âSounds like her,â Emily agreed.
Ron glanced down at his folder. âMs. Queen being the only person unaware of her own wedding presents a significant degree of risk.â
âHer hormones have made her more emotional lately,â Harry said. âShe cried last night because the pistachios ran out.â
Emily sighed. "Aw."
âOh, poor thing,â Chloe murmured.
âMy sister cried during a comedy when she was pregnant with my niece,â Dana added. âNo one in the movie was even sad.â
âFine. Whatever she wants, we give her,â Emily said.
Harryâs expression remained serious. âThat doesnât mean we decide for her. Iâm not bringing her to a wedding and expecting her to perform because everyone is waiting. Iâll show her what I arranged and ask whether she wants to marry me that day. If she says no, the officiant leaves, we have dinner on the beach, and no one makes her feel guilty.â
Emily nodded once.
âIf she says yes,â Harry continued, âeverything needs to be ready.â
Mikey looked at Harry. âWhere exactly is this happening? And how are you telling our mothers? Because mine is not going to celebrate being excluded from wedding planning.â
âScarlet and my mother will be told last.â
Ron opened the leather folder. âA sound security decision.â
The planning moved quickly after that. Ron would secure a private beach, confidentiality agreements, transport and discreet security. Dana would clear your calendar without making the absence too obvious. Emily took charge of dinner, cake and a small reception, while Chloe handled the flowers and overall design.
Then Chloe tapped her pen against the table. âWe still have one significant problem.â
Everyone looked at her.
âThe dress.â
Harryâs attention sharpened. âWhat about it?â
âSheâs carrying twins. Her old measurements are useless, and her body is changing every week. I canât fit a gown correctly by guessing.â
Mikey added. âThe dress is important, man. Those hormones can turn into rage when she looks at the photographs ten years from now. Iâm warning you in advance.â
Chloe pointed her pen at him. âFor once, heâs right. We have very little time to make something beautiful and unforgettable.â
âHow quickly can you do it?â Emily asked.
âI can alter an existing gown if I have accurate measurements tonight. Soft structure, an empire waist, room around her stomachânothing restrictive.â Chloe turned to Harry. âI need her shoulders, shoulder to floor, bust, underbust and the fullest point around her stomach.â
Mikey sat back, delighted. âYouâre going to measure a sleeping pregnant woman without telling her why. That may be the most dangerous plan Iâve heard today.â
Harry stared at Chloe. âThereâs no other way?â
âYou could tell her.â
âNo.â
âYuliana could possibly do it,â Ron suggested.
Harry shook his head immediately. âNo. Iâll do it.â
Chloe tore a page from her notebook and slid it across the table. âThese measurements. In inches. Donât pull the tape tight.â
Harry studied the instructions as though they described an unfamiliar explosive device. âIâll handle it.â
Ron closed his folder. âI recommend waiting until sheâs asleep.â
âThank you, Ron."
That evening, Yuliana met Harry outside his study and lowered her voice as though reporting a delicate security matter.
âShe fell asleep upstairs.â
âIn bed?â
âShe said she was only going to rest for ten minutes.â A small smile touched Yulianaâs mouth. âShe was listening to classical music.â
Harry glanced toward the staircase, then at the flexible measuring tape concealed in his hand.
Perfect.
Or as close to perfect as this plan was likely to become.
He opened the bedroom door carefully and stepped inside. The curtains had been drawn against the evening light, leaving the room dim and quiet except for the faint piano music escaping from one of the wireless earbuds in your ears.
You were asleep on your side, one hand tucked beneath your cheek and the other curved protectively over your stomach. The second earbud had fallen onto the pillow beside you.
Shoulder to floor required an approximation from the side of the bed. Chloe had specifically written that an imperfect number was preferable to waking you, although Harry suspected she had not fully considered what would happen if you woke and found him standing over you with tailoring equipment.
The underbust measurement was next. Harry stared at the instruction. Then at you. Then back at the instruction. The circumference of your stomach seemed safer.
Harry lifted the edge of the blanket and passed the tape carefully around the fullest curve, reaching beneath your side to bring the ends together.
Your eyes opened.
Harry stopped breathing.
You blinked down at the measuring tape wrapped around your stomach, then slowly raised your gaze to him. âHarry.â Your voice was rough with sleep. âWhatâwhat are you doing?â
âNothing.â
You stared at him.
He was sitting beside you with a measuring tape in both hands.
âNothing?â
âI can explain.â
âAre you measuring my waist?â
Your voice rose sharply as you pushed yourself upright, shock and hurt chasing the last traces of sleep from your face.
âNoâno, baby. Not like that.â
You pulled the tape from his hands and looped it loosely around the back of his neck before he could react.
âHarry Castillo, I will strangle you with this.â
âBaby, wait.â
âYou measured me while I was asleep?â
âIt isnât what you think.â
âWhat do I think?â
âThat I wasââ
âChecking how much weight Iâve gained?â
Harryâs expression changed immediately. âNo. Absolutely not.â
âHow many inches was it?â Your eyes began to shine. âIâve gotten huge, havenât I?â
âNo.â
âYou hesitated.â
âI didnât hesitate.â
âYou looked terrified.â
âBecause you threatened to kill me.â
âWith a fabric tape. You wouldâve survived.â
The first tear slipped down your cheek. Another followed before you could wipe it away.
âI knew Iâd gained too much weight.â Your voice broke. âI look awful, donât I? Iâve become enormous and ugly.â
Harry gently removed the tape from around his neck and dropped it onto the carpet.
âThat is complete nonsense.â He moved closer and cupped your face between his hands. âYou are the most beautiful woman in the world.â
More tears spilled down your cheeks.
Harry wiped them away with his thumbs, his voice softening further. âYouâre carrying our daughters. Your body is changing because itâs making room for two people. There is nothing ugly about you. Not one thing.â
You sniffed and looked down at your stomach. âMy face is puffy.â
âYouâre beautiful.â
âMy ankles are swollen.â
âStill beautiful.â
âNone of my clothes fit.â
âIâll buy you new ones.â
âThat isnât the point.â You opened your mouth to continue, but a sudden yawn interrupted you. Your shoulders sagged as quickly as your anger had risen. âIâm so tired.â The abrupt change left Harry staring at you. âI just want to sleep.â
His expression softened with relief and guilt in equal measure. âOkay, baby. Sleep.â
You lay down again, then caught his wrist before he could move away. âStay.â
âIâm here.â
You pulled his arm against your chest and settled around it, resting your cheek near his shoulder. So many emotions had passed through you in the space of a few minutesâanger, humiliation, tears and exhaustionâthat Harry could not stop himself from feeling responsible for every one of them.
âWill you stroke my hair?â you asked sleepily.
âOf course.â
His fingers moved gently through your hair, smoothing it away from your face. Every few moments, he bent and pressed a quiet kiss to your temple.
Your breathing gradually slowed. âHarry?â
âIâm here, baby.â
âDonât measure me again.â
âI wonât.â
Harry looked down at you suspiciously, but a faint sleepy smile touched your mouth before disappearing.
Within moments, your breathing deepened.
Harry continued stroking your hair long after you had fallen asleep. At first, he intended to remain for only a minute.
Then five.
Your fingers stayed curled firmly around his wrist, and every attempt to move made you shift closer. Eventually, Harry lay down beside you fully dressed, one arm trapped beneath your head and the other resting over your stomach.
One of the babies moved beneath his palm.
A quiet smile crossed his face.
âEasy,â he whispered. âYour mother has already threatened me once tonight.â
Twenty minutes later, his trapped arm had gone completely numb.
He endured another ten.
Then a faint snore escaped you.
Harry looked down.
Your lips had parted slightly, your head angled back against his arm. The snoring had appeared with the pregnancy and grew louder whenever you were exhaustedâsomething you denied with absolute conviction every morning.
Another soft snore followed. Harry smiled. âYouâd call me a liar if I told you.â
He gently touched beneath your chin and turned your head slightly toward the pillow, just as he had on countless nights before. The sound stopped almost immediately.
You murmured something indistinct. Harry froze. âHarryâŠâ
He bent and kissed your hair. âIâm right here.â
Your fingers loosened around his wrist, and your breathing settled again.
Moving slowly, Harry reached down for the tape. He passed it around your stomach once more, careful not to pull it tight. When the ends met, he secured the exact point beneath one finger and eased the tape away without losing the measurement.
This time, you did not wake.
Harry carefully freed his arm, replacing it with the pillow before sitting up. He opened his phone, added the final number to his notes, and sent the measurements to Chloe.
Harry: This is everything I could get.
Her reply arrived almost immediately.
Chloe: Did she wake up?
Harry: Briefly.
Chloe: Are you alive?
His gaze returned to you. You were sleeping peacefully again, one hand spread across your stomach, your mouth beginning to fall open.
Harry: Barely.
He set the phone on the nightstand and watched you for another moment, smiling despite himself.
Saturday Morning
When you opened your eyes, Harryâs side of the bed was empty.
The sheets still held the faint warmth of him, but the room had gone quiet in the particular way it did only when he had been awake for some time. The curtains were partially open, allowing the soft April sunlight to spill across the carpet.
You reached blindly toward his pillow. Nothing.
âHarry?â
No answer came from the bathroom.
You pushed yourself higher against the pillows, one hand automatically settling over the curve of your stomach. âHarry?â
Still nothing.
That was when you noticed the folded card resting against the lamp on his nightstand, placed beside the snow globe.
You reached for it.
Good morning, baby.
I have something planned for you. Trust me for a few hours and let Yuliana help you.
Iâll see you soon.
I love you.
H.
You read it twice, then narrowed your eyes at the empty room.
âTrust you with what?â
A soft knock sounded against the bedroom door. Before you could answer, Yuliana stepped inside carrying a tray of tea. Her usually restrained expression had been replaced by a smile she was making very little effort to hide.
You held up the card. âWhat is happening?â
âI was instructed not to say, Ms. Queen.â
You accepted the tea and took a cautious sip while studying her over the rim of the cup. âYou understand that smiling like that only makes you look more suspicious.â
Yuliana glanced at her watch.
âYouâre timing me?â
âPerhaps.â
She waited patiently until you finished, then placed the cup aside and offered her hands.
âWe should get you up now, Ms. Queen.â
âWhy?â
âSeveral people are waiting for you.â
The way she said it made you immediately suspicious. âWhich people?â
Yuliana continued holding out her hands.
âYouâre enjoying this.â
âVery much.â
With a sigh, you let her help you sit up. One of the babies shifted as you moved, a slow rolling sensation beneath your ribs. You pressed your palm against it. âAt least one person in this room should tell me whatâs happening.â
âTrokhy terpinnya, Ms. Queen,â Yuliana said gently. âJust a little patience.â
She helped you into your robe, tied it securely around you, then waited while you slipped your feet into your house shoes.
The moment you stepped into the corridor, you heard several voices coming from the dressing room.
You stopped.
Emily appeared first. âLook whoâs finally awake.â
âOur Queen has arrived,â Chloe added from behind her.
Emily came directly toward you, placing one hand gently against your stomach. âHow are you feeling? And how are these two?â
âWeâre confused,â you said. âWhat are all of you doing in my house?â
âFirst, breakfast,â Emily said. âThereâs a full table waiting.â
âNo. First, someone tells me what is happening.â
Chloe exchanged a glance with Emily. âPerhaps it would be easier to show you.â
She opened the dressing-room door.
The room had been transformed.
A small hair and makeup team stood near the windows beside neatly arranged cases and brushes. Fresh white flowers had been placed on the vanity, restrained enough not to resemble one of Scarletâs productions. Dana stood near the wardrobe holding two phonesâyours and her ownâwhile appearing entirely untroubled by the fact that she had confiscated your professional life.
âGood morning, Ms. Queen,â the team greeted.
Your gaze moved from Emily to Dana, then Chloe.
Finally, it settled on the garment bag. âWhat is that?â
Danaâs smile became dangerously emotional. âMorning, Ms. Queen.â
âWhat is in the bag?â
The room fell silent.
Emily quietly moved a plate of toast closer to the nearest chair. Dana looked down at the phones.
Chloe reached for the zipper. âWhy donât you take a look?â
She opened the bag.
Soft ivory fabric appeared first, followed by delicate folds of silk, a gracefully structured bodice and a skirt designed to fall around the curve of your stomach without constricting it. There was no excessive beading, cathedral train or rigid corsetry. The fabric caught the morning light with a quiet sheen, elegant without demanding attention.
It looked effortless.
Which meant an extraordinary amount of work had gone into it.
Your breath caught. âOh, my God. That... looks likeââ
A wedding dress.
Not something inspired by one. A real wedding dress. Pinned carefully to the front was another folded card. Chloe removed it and held it toward you. Your fingers trembled slightly as you opened it.
Baby,
Chloe and her mother made this for you. I hope itâs close to what you wanted.
Thereâs a car waiting downstairs. At the end of the drive, youâll find a beach, the people closest to us, and me.
I made today possible. Whether we marry here or wait for the wedding theyâve been planning is your decision.
Iâll be waiting.
H.
You stared at the page until the words began to blur. Then your gaze dropped to the dress again, and understanding arrived all at once.
âOh, my God, Harry.â
A tear struck the card.
You looked toward Chloe. âThatâs why he was measuring me.â
Chloe pressed her lips together, already close to tears herself.
You laughed, covering your mouth as more tears followed. âOh, that man.â
Emily stood immediately. âHey.â
âI cannot believe him.â
She placed both hands gently on your arms. âIs that a good cannot believe him?â
You looked down at the note. âHe listened to me.â
The words emerged so softly that everyone in the room went still.
Emilyâs expression changed. âYes. He did.â
âAnd then he made it happen in two days,â Chloe added quietly.
You touched the skirt with your fingertips.
It was beautiful, but not because it was expensive or perfectly made. It was beautiful because nothing about it felt designed for other people to admire.
Harry had remembered the beach, the quiet, the absence of reporters and boards and questions. The moment in the movie when you had cried because two people had been allowed to simply marry each other.
Your face crumpled again.
Chloe hurried toward you. âOh. I think the crying spell has arrived.â
You nodded, tears already falling.
Emily handed you a tissue. âGet it all out before they start your makeup. This entire team is here to prepare you for today.â
âThen I should wash my face.â
âYeah.â Emily slipped an arm gently around your waist. âThen youâre eating breakfast, and after that, weâll get you ready.â
Chloe hesitated. âYou do want this, donât you? Because after five years apart and two babies on the way, I think you two have waited long enough.â
You looked at Chloe, then Dana, Yuliana, and the waiting hair and makeup team.
For one unsteady moment, the reality of it settled over you: a beach, no cameras, no audience, vows spoken before the rest of the world could claim them. Was this really what you wanted?
Then you pictured Harry waiting for you, and the question became almost embarrassingly simple.
Finally, your gaze returned to the dress.
âYes,â you said. âI want this.â
Bridgehampton
The limousine turned through the gates of the Bridgehampton estate just after four.
Beyond the windows, pale dunes gave way to flashes of blue water beneath the soft April sky. The ocean wind moved through the beach grass, bending it toward the private stretch of sand Harry had somehow secured in less than forty-eight hours.
Chloe looked mournfully at the view. âThe fact that I canât put any of this on my story is cruel.â
âPost one frame and every paparazzi in New York will be outside the gates before we reach the sand,â Emily warned, holding up the one phone Dana had authorized for photographs.
âNo one posts anything,â you added. âTurn off your location services too.â
âTheyâre already off,â Dana assured you.
âGood. Now move closer,â Emily said.
Despite her warning, she was already recording, the phone safely on airplane mode. You, Chloe and Dana leaned together while she turned the camera toward you. Yuliana sat opposite, watching with quiet amusement.
âSmile,â Emily instructed.
âI am smiling,â you said with a laugh as another small movement rolled beneath your hand. âTheyâre the ones refusing to hold still for the picture.â
You glanced at your reflection in the darkened window. âDo I look as nervous as I feel?â
âNo,â Emily said immediately. âYou look radiant.â
âAnnoyingly beautiful,â Chloe added.
Dana nodded. âExactly as you should.â
âBeautiful is insufficient,â Yuliana corrected, studying you with open admiration. âVy prekrasna (youâre beautiful) Ms. Queen. Prosto neymovirna. (Simply incredible.)â
And, inconveniently, they were right.
The ivory silk dress fell cleanly from beneath your bust, following the curve of your stomach without trying to conceal it.
Its deep V neckline was softened by delicate embroidery that gathered just above the swell of your belly, while the long skirt moved fluidly around your legs. There was no veil, no heavy train and nothing that required you to become someone else to wear it.
You smoothed both hands over your stomach. One of the girls moved beneath your palm. âApparently theyâre as excited as I am.â
âTheyâre half Queen and half Castillo,â Dana said. âOf course they assume the entire event is being held in their honor.â
The limousine slowed. Your heartbeat immediately quickened. Emily lowered the phone. âWeâre here.â
Down on the beach, Harry checked his watch for what Ron estimated was the ninth time.
âShe crossed the gate three minutes ago,â Ron said.
âSheâs here,â Harry replied, and the words came out softer than he intended.
He stood near the small flowered arch in a black tuxedo, his attention fixed on the wooden walkway leading down from the house. Mikey waited beside Ron, while Captain Mateo AlvarezâRichardâs oldest friend and, thanks to Ronâs exhaustive planning, a legally registered officiantâstood nearby with the ceremony papers secured inside his jacket.
Sienna adjusted one of the white flowers in her hands. âThe florist reinforced the arch. It wonât collapse unless the wind develops personal hostility toward us.â
Harry barely heard her.
Vivienne approached and straightened his boutonniere, her expression warm with emotion. âBreathe, sweetheart.â
âI am breathing.â
âYouâre waiting aggressively.â Her hand lingered briefly against his lapel. âYou get to marry her again. Try to enjoy this part too.â
A small smile finally broke through his nerves.
Before he could answer, the limousine appeared beyond the dunes.
Every conversation stopped.
Scarlet immediately moved toward the end of the walkway with Richard beside her. He relied on his cane for balance, his steps slower than they once had been. Scarlet slipped her arm through his without drawing attention to the support she provided.
The car came to a stop.
Harry went completely still, though from where he stood, the vehicle concealed most of the drive.
âTheyâre here,â Sienna said, already moving. âIâll go make sure she has everything.â
A member of the staff opened the door. Emily stepped out first, followed by Chloe and Dana. Then the attendant offered you his hand.
You took it.
Emily immediately gathered the skirt so it would not catch beneath your shoes as you carefully stepped onto the stone drive. The ocean breeze caught the silk, pressing it briefly against the curve of your stomach before letting it fall into its clean, graceful lines again.
For one suspended moment, no one spoke.
Scarletâs eyes filled before you had taken three steps. âOh, my baby,â she whispered. âYou are so beautiful.â
You approached her, and she caught both of your hands. âYou too,â you said, looking over her pale blue silk dress, structured hat and entirely unnecessary pearl gloves. âThough you appear to have dressed for a royal garden party.â
Scarlet lifted her chin. âI was given forty-eight hours and absolutely no authority. I had to express myself somehow.â
Richard sighed beside her. âTheyâre doing this the way they want, Scarlet.â
âI know,â she replied, never taking her eyes from you. âIâm adjusting with remarkable dignity.â
You turned toward Richard. âDad.â
His face softened completely.
âMy beautiful girl.â His gaze dropped affectionately to your stomach. âHow are all three of you?â
âNervous, happy and extremely pregnant.â
âThat sounds about right.â
You hugged him carefully, feeling one of his hands settle against your back.
When you pulled away, your gaze dropped briefly to his cane before returning to his face. âYou look very handsome.â
âI had an important place to be.â
Your throat tightened.
Before the tears could begin, Mikey appeared and opened his arms. âBaby sister.â
He attempted to hug you, only to discover that your stomach reached him first. He looked down between you.
âI think your stomach arrived before the rest of you.â
âCareful,â you warned. âYouâre insulting three Queen women at once.â
âI would never.â He bent and spoke toward your stomach. âYour mother has always been this threatening.â
You pushed lightly at his shoulder. âMove.â
Laughing, Mikey kissed your cheek and stepped aside.
Sienna approached carrying a bouquet of white ranunculus, sweet peas and small ivory roses. She placed it gently in your hands before glancing toward the beach.
Harry was visible at the other end of the walkway.
He had not moved.
Even from a distance, you could see the way he was looking at youâas though the rest of the beach had disappeared the moment you stepped from the car.
Sienna smiled softly. âWhenever youâre ready.â
You took a deep breath, then another, waving your hands to calm your emotions. âOh, no.â
Emily was instantly beside you. âWhat?â
âThe crying spell.â
She opened her bag and produced a tissue with the speed of a trained emergency responder.
Chloe pointed at you. âDo not rub your eyes. We used waterproof makeup, but I refuse to test its limits before the ceremony begins.â
âIâm trying not to cry.â
âYouâre failing beautifully,â Dana said.
A laugh escaped through your tears.
Emily carefully dabbed beneath one eye. âThere. Crisis contained.â
Richard moved beside you and offered his arm.
You looked at the wooden path stretching across the dunes, then toward Harry waiting at its end.
âAre you sure?â you asked softly.
Richard straightened, tightening his hand around the top of his cane. âI didnât spend two months learning to walk across rooms again just to sit down for this part.â
Your eyes filled all over again. âChloe,â you warned.
âUgh, honey breathe,â Chloe said firmly. âWe have reached the maximum permitted tears.â
Richard smiled and held out his arm once more. âReady?â
You slipped your hand through it, supporting him as subtly as he supported you.
Your gaze returned to Harry. This time, there was no hesitation.
âYes,â you said. âIâm ready."
The first notes of the music drifted across the dunes as you and Richard stepped onto the wooden walkway.
Everyone rose.
Warm applause followed, unrestrained and familiar. Mikey brought two fingers to his mouth and whistled loudly before stepping directly into the aisle with his phone raised.
âMikey,â Sienna hissed, catching the back of his jacket and pulling him out of the way.
âIâm documenting history.â
âYouâre blocking history.â
Laughter moved through the small gathering as he allowed himself to be dragged back beside her, though he continued filming over her shoulder.
There were no camera flashes, no reporters calling your name, no phones raised for an audience waiting somewhere beyond the beach. Emily and Chloe recorded from their places, but only so you and Harry could keep the moment. Near the second row, a single videographer followed your progress through a discreet lens, having been warned by Ron so thoroughly that he looked prepared to surrender the camera, memory card and all personal identification at the slightest provocation.
Nothing was being broadcast.
Nothing had to become public before it belonged to you.
The aisle was not lined with investors, board members or distant relatives invited out of obligation. There were only two short rows of chairs, and every person standing beside them was someone whose face you knew well enough to read without effort.
Scarlet was already crying behind the sunglasses she had apparently worn to prevent exactly that. Vivienne held one hand over her heart, her expression radiant. Ron remained beside Dana, who was wiping beneath one eye while pretending to inspect Emilyâs recording. Lara stood near Scarlet, openly crying without attempting to disguise it, while Yuliana watched you with quiet pride.
They were all family.
Some had witnessed the first marriage and the way it had broken. Some had arrived later, carrying you through the strange, tender work of finding your way back to one another. But every person standing there had seen enough to understand what this moment meant. They had seen the love, the damage, the silence, the repairâand they had stayed.
The realization settled warmly beneath your ribs.
Your free hand moved instinctively over your stomach. One of the girls shifted beneath your palm, followed by the faintest answering movement from her sister.
You smiled down at them.
Richard glanced toward you. âAll right?â
âMore than all right.â
The boards of the narrow aisle beneath your low ivory heels were dusted with sand carried over them by the wind.
Beyond the gathering, the Atlantic stretched endlessly blue beneath the afternoon sky, its waves folding softly against the shore and filling the spaces between the music.
Then you looked ahead.
Harry stood on a low wooden platform beneath the simple arch of white flowers.
For one dangerous second, you nearly missed a step.
He wore a perfectly cut black tuxedo, the ocean breeze moving lightly through his hair. A white ranunculus and a small sprig of olive rested against his lapel, chosen to match your bouquet without surrounding you with the heavily scented flowers that always made your eyes water.
But it was his expression that caught you.
The tension he had carried while waiting disappeared the moment he saw you. His entire face softened into a wide, unguarded smile reserved only for you.
Richard tightened his hold on your arm before your heel could slip from the edge of the board.
âCareful, darling.â
Your eyes locked with Harryâs.
Neither of you looked away.
Five years apart seemed to compress themselves into those final stepsâevery wrong decision, every unfinished conversation and every night you had convinced yourself that losing him had been necessary.
But the last six months had changed you both. There were no secrets left between you now, no assumptions allowed to grow in silence. You were not walking toward the marriage you had once lost. You were walking toward something you had rebuilt together, deliberately and without anyone else deciding what it should become.
In a few moments, you would be husband and wife again.
This time, you both understood exactly what choosing one another meant.
By the time you reached him, your eyes were wet again.
Richard stopped before the platform. Harry stepped down immediately, offering one hand to you before turning toward him.
For a moment, neither man spoke.
Richard placed your hand into Harryâs.
âI gave her hand to you once before,â he said, his voice low with emotion. âBut she was never mine to give away. She is my girl because she chose to let me love her like a father.â
Your throat tightened.
Richard looked from you to Harry. âSo this time, Iâm not giving her away. Iâm asking you to stand beside her properly. Hold on to her. Listen to her. And when life gets loud, donât let silence do the damage again.â
Harry closed his fingers carefully around yours. âI wonât.â
Richard studied him for another moment, then nodded. âGood.â
You leaned forward and kissed Richardâs cheek. âThank you, Dad.â
His eyes shone as he stepped away.
âGo on, sweetheart,â he said softly. âGo marry the man who finally learned how lucky he is.â
Harry helped you onto the platform, one hand steady at your waist until you were safely beside him. Captain Mateo waited a few feet away, but Harry appeared temporarily unaware that anyone else existed.
His gaze moved slowly over the dress, your hair and the curve of your stomach.
âI knew the dress would be beautiful,â he said softly. âI wasnât prepared for you in it.â
The words nearly started the tears again.
You looked over his tuxedo with exaggerated consideration. âYou look very handsome yourself, Mr. Castillo.â
His smile deepened. âMore handsome than the first time?â
âYouâve aged.â
One eyebrow lifted.
âLike an obscenely expensive wine,â you added.
Harryâs gaze softened. âThen I must be keeping suitable company.â
One of his hands settled gently over your stomach. A visible ripple moved beneath the ivory silk almost immediately.
Harry glanced down, smiling. âThey look as excited as we are.â
âNo. They heard their father arranged an excellent wedding cake.â
A quiet laugh escaped him.
His thumb moved lightly over the embroidered fabric before you looked around at the flowers, the two rows of chairs and the long table waiting farther up the shore.
âHarry,â you whispered. âWhat did you do?â
For the first time that afternoon, uncertainty flickered across his face. âToo much?â
âNo.â You tightened your fingers around his. âItâs more beautiful than anything I imagined.â
His expression softened.
âThank you,â you said. âFor listening. For all of it.â
Harry lifted your hand and pressed his lips to your knuckles. âI wish I had done more sooner.â
âWe had a great deal to survive first.â
âWe did.â
His eyes remained on yours. âThen we shouldnât give away any more time.â
Captain Alvarez cleared his throat with deliberate patience.
âI have married people on boats before,â he said, glancing toward the wooden platform that extended just over the water. âThis is apparently the compromise Ron could manage in three days.â
Soft laughter moved through the gathering.
Ron adjusted his cuff. âA legally valid compromise.â
âThe best kind,â Captain Alvarez said, smiling before he turned back to you and Harry. âWe are gathered here with the people who know and love Harry and Queen bestânot to begin their story, because that began many years ago, but to witness the choice they are making today.â
The ocean moved quietly behind him.
âThis ceremony is small by design. There are no strangers here, no audience beyond those invited and no expectation except honesty. Before we continue, I need to ask one simple question. â
His gaze moved first to Harry, then to you.
âHave you both come here freely, intending to marry one another today?â
Harry answered without hesitation. âYes.â
You looked at the man who had arranged an entire wedding only to ensure you could still refuse it.
âYes,â you said. âI have.â
Captain Alvarez nodded. âThen you may speak the promises youâve prepared.â
Harryâs eyebrows lifted slightly.
You stared at him. âYou prepared something?â
âNot a speech.â His fingers tightened around yours. âI donât need one to tell you the truth.â
The last trace of humor faded from his expression as he looked directly into your eyes.
âThe first time you chose me, I woke up the next morning and watched you sleep because I still couldnât believe you were my wife.â
His throat moved.
âThen I lost you. And for five years, I learned exactly how much of my life had been built around loving you.â
Your eyes filled. âHarry, donât make me cry.â
His thumb brushed beneath one of your eyes.
âThen you came back,â he said quietly. âAnd I felt like a prayer I had no right to make had been answered.â
A quiet laugh escaped you through the tears.
âYou gave me a second life with you. You gave me our daughters." He paused, as though even he could not quite believe it. âI promise you this: you will never have to guess where I stand again. No silence, no pride, no misunderstanding will ever come before the truth.â
His voice lowered.
âI will choose you in every version of our life. I love you more than I did the first time. And I will spend the rest of my life being grateful that you chose me twice.â
For several seconds, you could only look at him.
Around you, no one seemed to breathe properly. Scarlet pressed a tissue beneath her sunglasses. Vivienneâs mouth trembled. Dana looked down quickly, and even Ron appeared suspiciously interested in the horizon.
âI loved you when I left,â you said finally, your voice unsteady. âThat was the cruelest part. I loved you through every year I pretended I had moved on, and I love you now without fear, without secrets and without one foot near the door.â
Harryâs eyes shone.
âI choose you, Harry Castillo. I always have. And I always will.â You squeezed his hands. âThis time, I intend to stay.â
Neither of you moved.
The silence stretched until Mikey called from behind you, âYou can keep staring after youâre legally married.â
Laughter broke through the emotion.
Captain Alvarez gave him a patient look.
âIt appears we have people here even more impatient than the bride and groom.â His eyes narrowed faintly with affection. âMikey, you were always like this.â
Mikey grinned. âThanks, Captain.â
Then he leaned toward Sienna and whispered, âHe loves me.â
Sienna covered her mouth to hide her laugh.
Captain Alvarez turned back to Harry. âHarry Castillo, do you take this woman to be your wifeâto love her, honour her and continue choosing her for the rest of your life?â
Harry did not take his eyes from you. âI do.â
âAnd Ms. Queen, do you take this man to be your husbandâto love him, honour him and continue choosing him for the rest of your life?â
âI do.â
Ron stepped forward with the rings. Harry slid yours carefully onto your finger, his hand trembling just enough for you to notice. You placed his ring beside the one he had once worn before,
sealing a promise renewed rather than replaced.
Captain Alvarez smiled. âBy the authority vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife.â
Mikey was already on his feet. âKiss her!â
Others joined him, laughing and applauding.
âKiss!â
âKiss!â
âKiss!â
Harryâs arm curved carefully around your waist. He drew you as close as your stomach allowed, his other hand rising to cradle your face.
Then he kissed you.
Slowly at first, as though the two of you were alone. Then more deeply as the applause rose around you and the ocean wind carried Mikeyâs triumphant whistle across the beach.
When Harry finally pulled away, his forehead rested against yours.
âMrs. Castillo,â he whispered.
You smiled through your tears. âYou always did like calling me that.â
His thumb brushed your cheek. âI missed it.â
Later, after champagne had been poured and the official photographs had been taken, Chloe insisted that the bouquet had one final responsibility.
You turned your back to the small group gathered behind you and tossed it over your shoulder.
The wind caught the flowers, shifted their course and dropped them directly into Vivienneâs arms.
She stared down at the bouquet.
Then she looked toward Marc, standing several feet away.
Marc smiled.
Vivienneâs cheeks turned pink as everyone began laughing and applauding.
Beside you, Harryâs expression changed slowly.
You looked up at him. âDonât even start.â
âIâm not saying anything.â
âYour face is saying plenty.â
He gave a small shrug. âIâm only wondering whether we can return the bouquet and try again.â
You hit his shoulder lightly. âShut up and dance with me.â
The first notes of the music began.
Harry turned toward you and placed both hands at your waist. You slipped your arms around his neck, though the curve of your stomach prevented you from moving as close as either of you wanted.
Harry glanced down at the space between you. âI had imagined holding my wife a little closer.â
âYour daughters have other plans.â
âTheyâve been interfering all day.â
âTheyâre making sure you behave.â
Harry looked offended. âWith my own wife?â
âEspecially with your own wife.â
Harry laughed and lowered his forehead to yours, swaying with you as the music carried across the beach.
A few feet away, Scarlet and Vivienne watched with matching tears in their eyes.
âThey deserved this happiness, didnât they?â Vivienne whispered.
Scarlet nodded. âMore than anyone.â
Vivienne dabbed at her cheek. âMy eyes are leaking.â
âSo are mine.â
Mikey appeared behind them.
âShould I call 911, or is this a shared maternal event?â
Both women turned toward him.
Sienna burst out laughing, and even Richard failed to hide his smile.
You extended one hand toward the others. âCome on. Join us.â
Scarlet joined Richard first, moving carefully around his cane. Ron drew Dana into his arms, while Sienna allowed Mikey to spin her with considerably more enthusiasm than skill. Vivienne hesitated only briefly before accepting Marcâs hand.
Harry watched them, a trace of old protectiveness tightening his expression.
You touched his cheek. âShe looks happy.â
His gaze returned to you. After a moment, he nodded and relaxed beneath your hand.
âShe does.â
Near the edge of the dance floor, Emily, Chloe and Yuliana formed a loose circle, laughing as they danced together.
Lara clapped in time from her chair until Captain Alvarez offered his hand and persuaded her to join him for several careful steps.
There was no ballroom, no orchestra and no audience waiting to judge what the day meant.
Only the ocean, the music and every person you had chosen as family.
Harry watched them for a momentâthe people dancing barefoot or carefully around canes and hems, the laughter carried by the wind, the small, impossible life you had built out of everything that had nearly ended.
Then his gaze returned to you.
His arms tightened around your waist, and he rested his forehead against yours.
âA little late,â he murmured, âbut I think we made it.â
You cupped his face in both hands. âWe did. And we made it beautifully.â Your lips trembled. âOh, no. I think itâs coming back.â
Harryâs eyes softened with immediate alarm and amusement. âNo. No crying, we just survived the ceremony. You can give the makeup ten more minutes.â
You laughed, blinking quickly. âOkay. Iâm not crying.â
âGood.â
âIâm almost not crying.â
âThatâs progress.â
The wave passed slowly. You breathed in, steadied yourself, and looked up at him again.
Harryâs smile faded into something quieter, deeper. âI love you so much,â he said.
Your hands rested against his jaw as the music continued around you. âI love you too, Harry.â
And while everyone you loved danced around you beneath the open sky, you let the moment stay exactly what it was.
Yours.
Days turned into weeks.
For a while, you and Harry stayed married only in the places that mattered. At home, in the quiet, his ring never left his finger. But every morning before a public meeting, a board dinner or anything involving cameras, he removed it with an apology he never seemed to grow tired of giving. âI hate it. I want everyone to know youâre my wife.â
And every morning, you gave him the same answer. âThey will. Wait until our girls are born.â
The world still believed the real wedding was coming laterâthe grand one Scarlet and Vivienne were already designing with terrifying enthusiasm. When reporters asked how the preparations were going, you smiled, touched your stomach and said something harmless about family, timing and taking things slowly.
Somehow, the rumors still began.
Did Harry Castillo and Ms. Queen Marry in Secret?
Private Beach Ceremony Reportedly Held in Bridgehampton.
No Guests, No Press, No Confirmation: Inside Manhattanâs Most Talked-About Non-Wedding.
Some said Bridgehampton. Some said it had only been an engagement celebration. Some insisted there had been a wedding, but no one could produce a single photograph.
You and Harry answered none of it.
There were more important things to survive.
Your stomach grew heavier by the week, until getting out of bed without assistance became less an act of independence and more an unnecessarily ambitious athletic event. Doctorâs appointments became nearly the only reason you left the house. Everyone else came to you.
Emily arrived one afternoon claiming she had only stopped by to bring soup, then sat at the edge of your bed and confessed that she had started seeing the man her mother had hired as a waiter at the restaurant. He was Asian, apparently devastatingly handsome according to Emilyâs increasingly unprofessional description, and âtoo polite in a way that felt dangerous.â
Chloe gave her ex another chance and pretended she was being cautious about it, despite the fact that she blushed every time his name appeared on her phone. Scarlet and Richard came regularly under the excuse of checking on you, though Richard spent most of each visit asking the girls whether they intended to let their mother sleep. Lara moved in without ceremony, joining Yuliana in the practical, unspoken agreement that until the babies arrived, you were not to be left unattended for any length of time.
Mikey and Sienna came sometimes together, sometimes separately, each visit explained with suspiciously unnecessary detail. Mikey brought stories from the office,most of them delivered with the confidence of a man who had survived another day in corporate warfare and deserved applause for it.
Gerard still called when necessary, but even he had begun to respect the boundaries Dana enforced with frightening precision. For the last three weeks, he no longer patched you into meetings unless there was no alternative. Dana kept such careful notes that reading her briefings almost felt like being in the room.
Almost.
Queen Financial was not healed, not yet.
But it was rising.
The panic had passed. The structure was holding. The people who had expected you to disappear quietly were beginning to understand that you had only stepped back long enough to breathe.
Harry had done the same in his own way. He met with Ron over laptop screens more often than in boardrooms now, choosing home whenever he could. Some afternoons, you would wake from a nap to find him at the foot of the bed, muted on a call, one hand resting absently over your ankle while he listened to Ron speak.
By the time you entered your thirtieth week, your doctor stopped sounding politely cautious and began sounding direct.
âYou cannot be alone at home now,â she said. âNot for long periods. Not with this level of risk.â
Harryâs hand tightened around yours. She reviewed the warning signs, the possibility of early labor, the need to avoid stress, overexertion and anything that might trigger contractions.
âIâm also recommending pelvic rest from this point forward.â
You glanced at Harry.
He looked straight ahead.
The doctor continued, perfectly professional. âThat means no intercourse, no penetration, and no sexual activity that results in orgasm. Uterine contractions after orgasm are usually harmless in low-risk pregnancies, but in your case, with twins and your current risk factors, we are not encouraging anything that could increase uterine activity.â
Harryâs expression did not change, but his hand became very still around yours.
You bit the inside of your cheek.
He looked like a man receiving a sentence from a judge and refusing to appeal in public.
In the car afterward, Harry remained silent for almost three minutes.
âYouâre being very mature,â you said.
âIâm being tested.â
You laughed and leaned your head against his shoulder. âItâs only temporary.â
âI understand that.â
âYou look as if someone cancelled Christmas.â
âI said I understand it. I didnât say I enjoyed it.â
But he was careful. More careful than you were, sometimes. When you curled into him at night, he kissed your forehead, your hair, your shoulder, then gently put space where space needed to be.
Sleeping became more difficult. Turning from one side to the other required planning, patience and, on particularly humiliating nights, Harryâs assistance. He surrounded you with pillows until the bed looked less like a bed and more like a medical nest designed by a luxury hotel.
Still, the girls pressed against your ribs, your bladder, your lungs and every other part of you they apparently considered negotiable.
Harry spoke to them every night. âBe kind to your mother,â he whispered, one hand spread over your stomach. âYouâll meet us soon enough.â
A small kick answered him. âNot that soon,â he added sternly.
You smiled into the pillow.
Eight weeks, the doctor had said.
Only eight weeks until you would meet your daughters.
Dinner was over when the call came.
You were lowering yourself carefully onto the sofa, one hand braced against the armrest and the other resting over your stomach, when your phone began to ring on the coffee table.
Unknown number.
You frowned, reaching for it. âWho calls after dinner anymore?â
Harry glanced up from where he was folding the throw blanket at the other end of the room.
You answered before he could say anything.
âHello?â
A womanâs voice spoke on the other end. Careful. Professional.
âMs. Queen? My name is Claire Walsh. Iâm calling from a long-term care facilityââ
âA care facility?â you repeated, confused.
Harry was beside you before the woman finished her next sentence. He took the phone gently but firmly from your hand.
You stared at him. âHarry?â
He ended the call.
For a moment, neither of you spoke.
âWhat was that?â
âNothing important.â
Your eyes narrowed. âYou just took my phone from my hand. And hung up on a woman from a care facility.â
âShe shouldnât have called you directly.â
The sentence landed strangely. You pushed yourself higher against the cushions, studying him more closely. His face had gone pale, the controlled lines of it too still to be casual. âHarry,â you said slowly. âWhat is going on?â
He looked away.
That was enough.
You knew every version of his silence. The business silence. The angry silence. The silence he used when he was trying to keep a room from collapsing around someone he loved. This was the last one. âHow long have you been hiding calls from me?â
His jaw tightened.
Your breath caught. âThatâs what this is, isnât it? The last few daysâyour phone, Ron calling you outside the room, that womanââ
âBaby.â
âNo.â Your voice sharpened. âTell me. Please. What is going on?"
Harry stayed standing for another second. Then he exhaled, sat beside you and took both of your hands in his.
âLast Friday, a woman came to the building,â he said carefully. âSecurity didnât let her up. She said she needed to speak to you.â
âAbout what?â
âAt first, I didnât know.â
Your fingers tightened around his. âAnd then?â
âI saw her again the next day. Outside. I asked what she wanted.â
Harryâs thumb moved slowly over your knuckles, as though he was trying to keep you anchored before he had even said the words.
âShe works at a long-term care facility,â he said. âYour biological father is there.â
You swallowed. The room seemed to drop out from beneath you. For a second, you only stared at him. âMy⊠what?â
Harryâs face softened with worry. He reached up and brushed his fingers along your cheek. âBreathe for me."
You drew in a thin breath. One of the girls shifted beneath your ribs, and your hand moved instinctively to your stomach. âContinue,â you whispered.
Harry nodded once. âShe tried Scarlet first because he had been saying her name for weeks. Scarlet refused to speak to her. She tried to reach Mikey and couldnât. Then she saw your name attached to mine in enough society articles to find the building.â
Your mouth parted, but no sound came out. âWhy is he there?â you asked finally. âWhy is some woman calling me? Why now, after all these years?â
Harry looked down at your joined hands.
âThe woman he left your mother for is gone. She took what remained of his money and disappeared when his illness became inconvenient.â His voice stayed low, measured. âHe has Alzheimerâs. Advanced enough that some days he doesnât know where he is. Some days he asks for Scarlet.
Some days he asks about the little boy.â
âMikey,â you breathed.
Harry nodded. âAnd lately,â he said, softer now, âshe said he keeps asking whether the baby was born.â
The words moved through you like something cold.
The baby.
Harry did not answer immediately. Your eyes lifted to his. âMe?â
His expression broke just enough to hurt. A tear slipped down your cheek.
The daughter he had never met. The child he had left behind before she had even taken her first breath.
Harry wiped the tear away with his thumb. âBaby, talk to me.â
You stared past him, but all you could see was a man you had never known asking about a baby who had already grown up, married, divorced, survived him, and was now carrying two daughters of her own.
âI need to see him.â
Harryâs brow drew together, that familiar deep crease forming between his eyes as his whole face tightened in immediate refusal. âNo.â
âHarryââ
âNo. Absolutely not.â
âYou donât get to decide that.â
âIf we are talking about your health and our daughtersâ safety, then I do get a say.â
âA say, yes. Not the decision.â
âYouâre thirty weeks pregnant with twins. The doctor said no stress.â
âI know what the doctor said.â
âThen you know this is exactly the kind of thing she meant.â
You pulled your hands back, not harshly, but enough to make him feel the distance.
âI have to see him.â
âYou donât owe him that.â
âI know.â
âHe left you before you were born. He doesnât deserve the chance to hurt you now.â
âI know.â
âThen why?â
You pressed one hand to your stomach and swallowed hard.
âBecause if something happens and he dies, I will never know what was real.â Your voice broke. âI spent my whole life imagining him. When I was seven, I asked my mother about him, and after that I made up versions of him in my head. Younger. Better. Sorry.â You shook your head. âI donât know if I want to see him. But I need to.â
Harry looked at you for a long moment, the fight in his expression slowly giving way to something heavier. You reached for his hand again. âI donât owe him anything,â you whispered. âBut I think I owe something to the seven-year-old version of me who thought he might still come back if she was worth coming back to.â
That did it.
Harryâs face changed completely. The anger left him first, then the argument. What remained was something softer, almost wounded.
âOh, baby,â he murmured.
He reached for you at once, his hand sliding gently over your hair as he drew you closer.
His eyes had gone bright, though he tried to blink it away before you could see. âShe was always worth coming back to,â he said quietly. âHe was the one who didnât deserve to find his way back.â
Your breath broke against his chest.
Harry closed his eyes briefly and let out a slow breath. When he opened them again, his fear was still there. So was the decision.
âWe go together,â he said.
The facility smelled like lemon cleaner, old carpet and something medicinal underneath.
You hated that your first thought was how small everything seemed. The woman from the phone met you near the entrance and spoke softly to Harry while you stood with both hands curved over your stomach. He kept one hand at your lower back the entire time, steady and warm through the thin fabric of your dress.
When they brought you to the room, you stopped at the threshold.
The man sitting by the window was not the man you had imagined at seven.
He was not the famous director whose face you had cut from old entertainment magazines and hidden in the back of your drawer. Not the man smiling beside actresses at premieres, not the man whose interviews you had read in secret, searching for some trace of yourself in the shape of his mouth or the way his eyes held the camera.
That man had belonged to glossy paper and childhood invention.
This one was thinner than memory had any right to make him. Older than he should have been. His hair had gone almost completely white, his shoulders folded inward beneath a cardigan that looked too large for him. His hands rested in his lap, restless over the blanket.
For a moment, you could not breathe.
Harry leaned closer. âWe can leave.â
You shook your head.
The man turned at the sound. His eyes moved over Harry first, then found you.
He stared.
Your body went cold.
âScarlet?â he whispered.
Harryâs hand tightened at your back.
You tried to speak, but nothing came.
The manâs gaze drifted lower, to your stomach. Something in his face changed. Confusion. Wonder.
A grief too late to be useful.
âThe baby,â he said.
Your breath caught.
He looked up at you again, eyes wet and empty of recognition.
âOur girl?â
The room tilted.
âNo,â you whispered.
But he did not understand. Or perhaps some ruined part of him did, because his mouth trembled as he reached toward you with a hand that shook.
Harry stepped between you at once.
The movement broke something in you. You took a step back before you could stop yourself, one hand rising to your mouth as you looked at the helpless, fragile old man in front of you.
He did not look like the man who had destroyed your mother.
He did not look like the man who had left behind a pregnant wife and a one-year-old son.
He looked small.
Lost.
Almost pitiful.
And somehow, that hurt worse.
For years, you had imagined anger would be enough to hold you upright if this moment ever came. You had imagined questions.
Accusations. The clean satisfaction of finally saying what a child could not.
But there was no one here to answer you.
Only an old man who looked at you and saw your mother.
Only a mind trapped in the year he had left.
Only the baby he had never stayed to meet, standing in front of him with two babies of her own.
You turned away because you could not look at him anymore.
Behind you, he murmured something soft and broken.
âScarlet⊠donât go.â
Your eyes closed.
Harry understood before you spoke.
âThatâs enough,â he said gently.
The woman from the facility said something behind you, but you did not hear it. Harry guided you into the corridor, one arm firm around your waist.
You made it three steps before the sob broke loose.
Harry pulled you into him.
âI thought he would be different,â you choked out. âI know thatâs stupid. I know he was never good.
But when I was little, I imagined this so many times.â
âI know.â
âHe was supposed to be healthy. Arrogant. Shameless.â Your voice broke harder. âHe was supposed to be the man who betrayed my mother and left two children behind. I was supposed to be able to hate him. To ask him why. To make him look at me.â
Harry held you tighter.
âBut he canât even do that,â you sobbed. âHe canât answer me. He canât apologize. He canât even know me.â
âBreathe, baby,â Harry murmured. âPlease. For me.â
âHe was supposed to see me.â Your fingers twisted in his jacket. âHe doesnât even know me, Harry.â
âI know.â His voice was rough now. âIâm sorry.â
You clutched at him, crying too hard to stand without him.
âIâm right here,â he said, his hand moving slowly over your back. âYouâre not that baby anymore. You hear me? Youâre here. You have me. You have Richardâthe father who stayed. You have our girls. He doesnât get to take that from you.â
You tried to nod.
Harryâs hand moved to your stomach. âThink of them. Just breathe. In and out.â
It took several minutes before you could move again.
The woman from the facility followed you into the corridor, holding a worn black notebook against her chest.
âIâm sorry,â she said carefully. âThere is one more thing.â
Harryâs arm tightened around your waist. âNot now.â
But your gaze had already dropped to the notebook. âWhat is that?â
The woman hesitated. âThey found it among his things when he was moved here. He kept it for years.â Her eyes softened with something like pity. âHe knew about you, Ms. Queen. About both of you. Itâs only in the last year that the illness began taking names from him.â
The words landed too slowly.
He knew.
You should have said no.
Instead, you reached for it.
The cover was cracked at the corners, the pages swollen from age. When you opened it, the first thing you saw was Mikeyâs face, cut from a society magazine years ago and pasted crookedly onto yellowing paper.
MICHAEL QUEEN CAUSES SCENE AT CHARITY AUCTION
A laughless breath caught in your throat.
Mikey looked younger in the photograph, grinning at someone outside the frame as if he had absolutely no intention of learning from the incident.
The next page was Scarlet.
SCARLET QUEEN TO STAR OPPOSITE ROBERT DE NIRO
She was impossibly young, impossibly beautiful, her smile bright enough to belong to a woman who had not yet learned how much grief could cost.
Then another.
QUEEN AND CASTILLO FAMILIES UNITE IN HIGH-SOCIETY WEDDING
Your first wedding.
Your face beside Harryâs, both of you caught on the church steps, younger and shining with a kind of happiness you had not known enough to protect.
Your fingers trembled as you turned the page.
MS. QUEEN RETURNS TO NEW YORK
A photograph from one of your first major public appearances after joining Queen Financial.
Then another.
QUEEN FINANCIALâS HEIRESS STEPS INTO POWER
And another.
MS. QUEEN SHINES AT ANNUAL GALA
Page after page.
Your face, collected in silence.
Not loved properly. Not claimed. Not protected.
Just watched from a distance.
Harry looked over your shoulder and went very still.
Between the clippings, there were folded letters in shaky handwriting.
Scarlet, forgive me.
Scarlet, I made a mistake.
Scarlet, tell me about my kids.
The words blurred.
A sound left you before you could stop it.
âHeâŠâ you whispered. âAll those yearsâŠâ
Harry turned toward you at once. âBabyââ
âHe knew.â
Your hand moved to your stomach.
For one second, everything inside you went too quiet.
Then a hard tightening pulled low across your abdomen.
You gasped.
Harryâs face changed instantly. âBaby?â
Another wave came before you could answer. Not sharp enough to name, but deep and wrong enough to steal your breath.
The notebook slipped from your fingers and hit the floor.
âH-Harry.â
He caught you before your knees gave way.
âNo, no, no.â His voice dropped into panic before he forced it steady. âBaby, look at me.â
Your fingers clutched at his jacket.
âThe babiesââ
Harry lifted you into his arms before you could finish.
âIâve got you.â His voice was calm in the way it became only when he was terrified. âOpen the doors,â he called down the corridor. âNow.â
The woman from the facility moved quickly, shouting for help as Harry carried you toward the exit.
âLook at me,â he said, holding you carefully against his chest. âBreathe for me.â
Then he felt it.
The warmth soaking through the fabric beneath his arm.
For half a second, his mind went brutally blank.
Then everything the doctor had said came back at once: thirty weeks, twins, stress, warning signs, early labor, rupture, pressure, do not wait.
His hold tightened.
âNo,â he whispered, almost to himself. âNot yet.â
Another pressure rolled through you, harder this time.
A broken cry slipped from your mouth.
âHarry.â Your voice cracked with fear. âItâs too early. Itâs too early. I canâtâThey canât come now.â
âYes, you can.â He pressed his mouth briefly to your hair as he moved faster, his heart beating violently against you. âListen to me. You can. Iâm taking you to the hospital. You and the girls are going to be okay.â
âIâm scared.â
âI know.â His voice roughened.
âI know, baby. Iâve got you.â
The driver was already out of the car when Harry reached the entrance.
âMr. Castillo?â
âCall the doctor,â Harry ordered as the doors opened ahead of him. âNow.â
The driver grabbed his phone with shaking hands.
Harry lowered you into the back seat, one arm still braced behind you, the other pressed protectively over your stomach.
Another wave hit.
You clutched his shirt, tears breaking free.
âHarryâŠâ
He looked down at your face, all the color gone from his own.
âStay with me,â he said, his voice low and urgent. âPlease. Stay with me."
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The boyfriend act, part 33: "The one with Santi's wedding, part one"
Pairing: Frankie Morales x F!reader
SERIES MASTERLIST
Buy me a coffee - Ko-fi
Chapter summary: With Santi and Yovâs wedding just around the corner, returning to Austin feels thrilling given all the celebrations ahead, even if it means an imminent reunion with your ex, Frankie. But youâre ready for it. Or, at least, thatâs what you keep telling yourself. wc: 20.4k
A/N: warning, long chapter ahead as a little thank you for waiting as it took me so long to update! Thank you all for patiently waiting for another chapter of my long and boring fic, The Boyfriend Act (đ€). You guys really do have the patience of saints, huh?? We only have a few chapters left now, and I promise you won't have to wait as long for the next ones; there are truly very few left!! Anyway, enjoy this one and start bracing yourselves for the ending.Â
Your feedback means a lot to me so please let me know your opinions in the comments. Thank you đDon't forget to follow capuccinodollupdates for notifications!
Tuesday, October 8th
Starting a new journal by writing about returning to Austin feels ironic. Starting a blank book while backtracking definitely is. But as you look out the plane window at the completely clear blue sky, watching the sprawling city stretch out far below your feet, you get the distinct feeling that you are about to land in a different place entirely.
It is your home; the very same walls that said goodbye to you a few months ago will welcome you back within the hour. The same bed, the same spot on your couch, the same mirror that pushed your own reflection back at you. Yet, you donât feel like the same person who used to inhabit that space; or at least, that is the sensation that washes over you with every passing mile.
With your fresh journal in hand, you try not to overthink it.
Lucky for you, a wedding is exactly the kind of bustling event that can keep your mind occupied with other things.
You can't afford to get distracted by work, or by your latest manuscript, which has been giving you a massive headache these past few days. Nor can you dwell on what will become of you after all this is over. The choice between staying in Austin or moving back to New York has haunted you for the last week, and you were just about to sit down and make a pros and cons list.
But you canât think about that. You shouldn't, really.
Weddings are fun if you know how to make the most of them. Especially if you arenât the one getting married. The truth is, after spending weeks tagging along with Yov and Santi here and there, listening to all the wedding prep, you actually considered taking an anxiety pill.
Having a planner helps, it helps a lot. But some things just can't be allowed to slip through your fingers. At the end of the day, the bride and groom have the final say, which means things can get incredibly stressful, incredibly fast. But in the end, it will all be worth it.
Austin, October 8, 2026
I wonder if Mr. Darcy will recognize the smell of home right away. I wonder if Iâll realize just how much Iâve missed it these past few months.
I want to see everyone.
Everyone.
"Oh my gosh, youâre finally here!"
Emma crashed right into you, wrapping her arms around your neck before you could even flash a full smile. Her hair smelled like coconut.
"I'm here," you laughed, hugging her back. "I've missed you so much."
"Me too," she squeezed, tight enough to fuse her ribs with yours. Then, resting her hands on your shoulders, she stepped back just an inch. "You smell amazing!"
"I was literally just thinking the same thing about you!"
Emma laughed.
All around you, people streamed in and out of the airport, hauling heavy suitcases and overstuffed bags. It was a gorgeous day; the sky was clear and bright, the air surprisingly crisp. Nearby, a couple was reuniting with a warm embrace and a few perfectly public appropriate kisses. It was a sweet scene, but not enough to pull your eyes away from your friend's face.
The drive home was quick and fun. Inside Emmaâs car, it smelled clean and citrusy, and a Lana Del Rey song was going through the speakers. She had picked up two coffees, one for each of you, and you sipped yours while hearing her repeat you can be the boss, daddy, you can be the boss over and over again, wrinkling her nose every time her sunglasses slid down the bridge.
In the back seat, Mr. Darcy was sitting in his crate, remarkably quiet and relaxed. You could already tell heâd turned into a true New Yorker.
"Darcy is gonna be so happy to be home. Here he can climb up onto the kitchen window sill. I'm sure he misses watching people walk by on the street," you said, and the image of the cat pressed against the glass in the warm sunlight flashed through your mind.
"Mhm, thatâs true. In New York people probably looked like tiny little ants, didn't they?"
You smiled. "They did."
Emmaâs cheeks bunched up into a soft smile, and she glanced over at you for a second.
"Okay, and what did you miss?"
"Now that Iâm actually here? I feel like I missed everything. I didnât really notice it over there." You looked out the window, the rush of air brushing the strands of your hair against your neck. A deep sigh escaped your chest. "Have you heard anything about Francisco?"
You had managed to keep your simmering curiosity under wraps during your entire stay in New York. You hadnât asked about him when Emma came to visit a few weeks ago, nor had you brought him up to Santi (or anyone) over the phone.
You mastered that control for months, all through the flight to Austin, and during the first twenty minutes after Emma picked you up. But as the landscape grew closer and more familiar, you simply had to ask.
You turned to look at her almost immediately.
"Frankie?" she asked.
You offered a faint smile. "I doubt I know any other."
"Right, who else?" She rolled her eyes playfully. She paused for a few seconds as the traffic light ahead shifted to red, bringing the car to a smooth stop. "Heâs doing good. He's here in Austin, actually."
Your stomach did a complete flip. "Already? When did he get back?"
Emma pursed her lips to the side. "Like, a month ago?"
You raised a single eyebrow. "Really?"
She sighed. "He moved back to Austin last month."
"Emma."
"With Luna and Jamie."
You pressed your back against the seat, watching the scenery flash past the window as a hundred different thoughts raced through your mind. Yet, you didn't let yourself dwell on any of them for too long, only managing to say,
"Well, that makes sense."
"It does," Emma agreed.
"And where are they staying? With Helena?"
"At first, yeah, all three of them. I think Luna and Jamie are still there with her, but Frankie already moved out."
"Oh, he didn't go back to his place?"
She shook her head. "No. He actually put his house on the market and found a spot out in Circle Ranch. The guys helped him move in last week."
Okay. Recalculating.
RecalculatingâŠ
"Oh. I⊠That's⊠nice. Circle Ranch?"
"Yeah," Emma smiled, glancing over at you with raised eyebrows. "I never pinned Frankie as the type to go for the whole white-picket-fence and a dog kind of vibe."
"Does he have a dog now?"
"No," she laughed. "But itâs that kind of neighborhood, you know?"
You smiled and turned your gaze back to the window.
"Maybe he got used to the Boston suburbs and wanted something similar," you suggested.
"Maybe."
Whatever the reason behind Frankie's move, you felt good about it. You knew his old house was a bit crowded with painful heavy memories that he probably didn't care to relive. You knew he was completely sick of his next door neighbor too, Clint, who always parked right in front of his driveway and blasted his music way too loud. Or the dog from across the street that constantly wandered into his front yard to do its business on the freshly cut grass.
You were genuinely happy for him.
"C'mon, baby, c'mon out."
As you unlatched the little door to Darcyâs crate, you watched his curious eyes take in the surroundings. His tiny nose twitched upward, his eyes narrowing as he sniffed, instantly recognizing his home.
A second later, he stepped out with confidence, raising his tail high in a friendly greeting.
If you had a tail, youâd be doing the exact same thing, because oh, how incredibly happy you were to be back.
You hadnât realized just how much youâd missed this place until you walked through the front door. Your living room was completely bathed in sunlight, the half-drawn orange curtains cast a warm glow into every corner, and there was a wonderful scent in the air that you definitely had Emma to thank for; she had been looking after the place, keeping it perfectly neat and tidy.
You grabbed your suitcase and rolled it into your bedroom, where your bed was neatly made and the floors practically gleamed as the sunlight hit your feet.
Unzipping it, you began to gradually unpack your things. Emma walked in just a moment later, holding a mug of freshly brewed tea for you and one for herself in the other hand. She set yours down on the nightstand.
"So, what do you wanna do today?" she asked.
You looked up at her, gently biting your tongue without realizing it.
"Well, first things first, I need to go get my car."
"Want me to drive you?"
You scoffed playfully. "Obviously. Is Will home?"
"He gets back at one."
"Oh, okay. Wanna eat something?"
"Yeah," she said, plop down on the edge of the bed. "Iâll order something, and we can just crash on the couch and watch some TV like the good ol' days, baby."
You smiled, your eyes crinkling. "Yes, please. I have missed doing that with you so much."
Emma hummed. "My butt has missed sitting next to yours, too."
You laughed. "Friends? How does that sound?"
She pointed a finger at you. "Yes! And since we are officially in wedding mode, we have to watch season seven."
"Yes!" You raised your eyebrows. "We should watch Monica and Chandlerâs wedding and then Phoebe and Mike's!"
"Yeah," she grinned, her eyebrows knitting together playfully. "And let's get ice cream too. Will can wait!"
A wide smile spread across your face, and your chest swelled with warmth.
You were finally home.
Sometimes, getting involved with your brotherâs best friend can be the best decision you ever make in your life. You might end up living together in a beautiful house with two gorgeous babies, getting married in one of the highest rated television episodes of the era. You could be, as the kids say these days, couple goals. The total package. The sarcastic funny guy and the girl with a few control issues who (for somewhat obvious reasons) manage to blend and complement each other perfectly. It can be beautiful and lasting and solid.
And in other cases, it can be downright complicated. Because sometimes, getting involved with your brotherâs best friend can be a beautiful dream, right up until you find yourself sitting in front of the TV, watching Chandler and Monicaâs wedding, and all you want to do is cry.
But you swallow it down. You suppress it because next to you, Emma is shooting you subtle suspicious glances; she knows you far too well not to realize this might be stirring up things buried deep inside your chest. But more than that, you fight it back because you simply donât want to feel it. Not deeply. Because you know that very soon, at any given moment, you are going to see him again. You donât know when or where, but you know itâs going to happen. And so, inside your mind, there is a tiny stopwatch with blurred numbers rapidly counting down the time until your eyes meet his once more.
Even the best couples have weak moments.
"Honestly, Chandlerâs panic kind of ruins the whole thing," Emma said, lounging next to you with her head resting on your shoulder. "I hate that he doubts it. It ruins everything."
On the screen, Chandler is caught completely off guard by a phone call that refers to him and Monica as Mr. and Mrs. Bing. He makes a whole show of panicking, wanting to run away.
"No, no, it's just, I mean," you sat up a little straighter, "I get it, but throughout the entire show Chandler has always had insecurity and commitment issuesâ"
"But we watched all his progress, and it was a long clear arc."
"Yeah but itâs completely normal that even though he's progressed and everything, he still has weak moments from time to time. Especially when it comes to something as huge as a wedding," you laughed.
"Mmh. I dunno. I don't like it. Would you want Santi doubting marrying Yov right before they do it? Would you want your future husband doubting marrying you right before you walk down the aisle?"
"But Chandler didn't doubt marrying Monica; he just got scared, thatâs all. He didn't want to run away because he wasn't sure about her; he just panicked about taking such a huge step and didn't know what to do. He watched his parents' relationship fall apart, then went through the whole divorce and everything else. He has a history of commitment issues and the underlying fear that marriage might ruin the good thing he already has with Monica."
"But he literally talked to her just days before about how happy he was to spend the rest of his life with her. It makes no sense."
"It does make sense, Em," you said, looking at her. "You can't completely erase decades of trauma overnight. I mean, he thought their relationship was over after their very first argument until she had to assure him thatâs not how things work. The man had avoidant attachment!"
Emma sighed. "I'm still not buying it, sorry."
"I'm sorry, you're telling me you're not buying it? You? The exact same woman who panicked because her boyfriend wanted to spend more time with her and almost considered breaking up with him over it?"
"Will wanted us to move in together!"
"So? All you had to do was tell him no!"
"And I did tell him no," she said, looking at you with a grin. "And we talked it through. I didn't dump him! It's not the same thing."
"I know it's not the same thing, but still, commitment issues are commitment issues."
"Alright, sweetheart, alright."
"You were on the verge of buying a ticket to Yemen at any second."
Laughing, you gave her arm a playful nudge and turned your attention back to the TV.
Time ticked away, minute by minute, as the sunlight shifted across the floor and walls, brushing against every corner until, almost without realizing it, you rested your head against Emma's and closed your eyes.
"I always fall asleep when I'm with you," you teased, buckling your seatbelt in Emmaâs passenger seat. "I dunno what it is about you."
"But you needed it, didn't you?"
She started the car engine just as you flashed a smile.
"Maybe."
When you had finally woken up earlier, your mouth was wide open, drooling a little, while Emma was right beside you snoring deeply and completely fast asleep. In your lap, Mr. Darcy had been curled up like a little ball.
It was nearly two in the afternoon by the time you both decided it was time to go get your car. According to Emma, Will would be at his place, and when you told her to let him know the two of you were headed over, she simply said,
"No need, I know he'll be there."
Her relationship updates hadn't changed much since the last time you asked about them two weeks ago. They were still getting along well, really well, and now she had finally admitted to herself that she was in love.
That was an incredibly huge step for Emma, so neither of you was making a big deal out of it. You knew she was secretly ecstatic inside, and probably a little terrified, but she was handling it well. And Will, for his part, was a pretty laid back guy who gave her all the time and space she needed to feel completely comfortable about it.
It was funny and kind of unfair that, despite knowing them for so many years, it had never once crossed your mind that they would make a good match.
Granted, Emma used to be married, but what about before that? She wasn't even seeing her ex when Will entered the picture seven years ago. In fact, they had crossed paths a handful of times, but neither of them had ever shown the slightest interest in the other; or at least, you hadn't noticed.
How could you have missed it? They were absolutely perfect for each other. Emma was somewhat restless, impatient, driven, and occasionally loud, while Will was steady, relaxed, incredibly patient, and had no problem getting loud himself if the occasion called for it.
You were rooting for them.
"Does Santi know you already here?" Emma asked now, steering through a turn.
"Texted him as soon as I got home. We're having dinner tonight with Mom."
Emma smiled. "I saw her yesterday. She looks great, doesn't she?"
You let out a soft laugh. "So great. She's thriving."
"I guess that's what happens after having an european summer."
"A mediterranean one, mind you."
"Is she gonna be at Yovâs party?"
You pursed your lips. "I dunno. I don't think so. She says she doesnât feel right about it. Apparently she thinks sheâd be a mood killer. Yov wants her there anyway."
"A mood killer? It's not like there're gonna be strippers or anything like that, right?"
You laughed. "No."
"Then what's the issue?"
"I dunno. I think she still feels a little awkward participating in all of this."
"She has to be there! I need her to give us the full breakdown on everything that happened in Europe. I'm sure there were some interesting adventures," she said, raising her eyebrows. "I always knew Nora was a cool girl."
"I'm sure Yov will press her about it tonight," you said, turning toward the window. "And if not, I can always force her."
Emma laughed and nodded, completely on board with it.
It wasn't going to be a wild over-the-top party; it was going to be a small gathering at a gorgeous restaurant downtown, followed by drinks at a bar where Yov's friends had booked a private table in the VIP section. It was going to be fun and intimate, nothing crazy or chaotic. Yov didn't feel comfortable with shirtless guys giving lap dances, and she had specifically asked to just spend the night having a good time with her friends and close family.
To her, there was no such thing as a "farewell to freedom" anyway. What was she saying goodbye to? Being single? Well, obviously. But she didn't see much point in looking at it that way, since having Santi in her life didn't actually restrict her from anything. And after marrying him, it wouldn't restrict her either.
There was this archaic idea that once a person gets married, they abandon their freedom entirely; the freedom to hang out with friends whenever they want, to have total independence, and to be able to do this, that, or the other. But Santi and Yov were not that kind of couple. Marriage didn't demand limitations for them, and it was entirely obvious to you that their dynamic would keep right on going exactly the same way. Both were free to do their own thing, go out with friends, or dedicate time to personal matters. The party was symbolic, more than anything.
I mean, sure, they were saying goodbye to being single, but was that really significant? You were positive those two had said goodbye to that years ago.
For Yov, it would be a quiet fun evening tomorrow night. And for Santi, it would be a cookout in the backyard with the guys and a few other friends, followed by a trip to the bar to get drunk and play pool. It was a pre-wedding celebration, plain and simple.
Willâs house appeared ahead of you sooner than expected, and you suddenly realized the drive had gone by surprisingly faster than you'd even noticed.
Everything had been moving at hyper speed since you landed in Austin. The drive home from the airport, the morning spent with Emma on the couch, and now, the twenty minutes from your place to Willâs had felt like barely ten.
It was funny how time flew when you were desperately trying to hold it back. Not for any particular reason, either.
Emma flung the car door open before you could even unbuckle, and the second her feet hit the pavement, she said,
"I can hear music coming from the backyard. Go on ahead, I need to grab a few things from the car."
"Need a hand?"
In the background, the faint sound of an Alice in Chains song drifted over.
"Nah, Iâm good." She moved toward the trunk, waving you off.
"Alright."
You walked down the driveway toward the side of the house, where a wide pathway led to the big backyard, and spotted your car right away, tucked under its protective cover beneath the patio roof and parked behind two other cars.
On a table under a window, a portable stereo was blasting music. Layneâs raspy broken voice screamed out lyrics you couldn't quite catch; your attention was already drawn to the car right in front of you, where Will was lying on a mechanic's creeper, working underneath it.
He didn't hear you come in over the music, and his upper body was completely hidden under the chassis. His legs were slightly bent, and seizing the moment, you crept up and gave his foot a gentle kick.
Thump!
You grinned as his whole body jumped in a mini scare.
The creeper shifted; he grabbed the tire with one hand to pull himself forward, the tiny wheels spinning on the concrete.
And just like that, nine months and twelve days later, your eyes locked once again with Francisco Morales'.
You physically felt your smile drop, as if your cheeks had suddenly turned too heavy, and you took a step back while trying, and failing, to tear your eyes away from him.
Frankie scrambled to a sit on the creeper like a startled kid, and braced his palms on the ground behind him. A stray lock of hair fell across his forehead, the rest of it a bit messy, and a pair of thick black rimmed glasses sat on the bridge of his nose. They weren't enough to hide the scars on his face.
With a quick push, he stood up.
"I'm sorry," you blurted out, suddenly breathless. "I'm so sorry, I thought you were Will."
He gave a quick nod, wiping his hands on his pants, but didn't say a word.
As your heart threatened to burst right through your ribs and your throat went completely dry, you felt a desperate, intense, aching urge to just... hug him. And at the exact same time, to tell him: you have no idea how much I have to tell you.
Instead, you just stared.
Frankie looked exactly as you remembered, yet at the same time, entirely different. His hair was slightly shorter on the sides, with the top left long and a little unruly. He was wearing a white short-sleeve t-shirt, stained here and there, and black cargo pants.
Looking at him like that, he seemed pretty much the same as the last time you'd seen him. But you could spot the difference in everything else; he seemed taller for some reason, and though his shoulders and arms had always been strong, they looked more toned now. His beard was short, neat and soft, his mustache trimmed. The scars were visible, fully healed now but prominent, leaving a clear trace of his accident, and behind his glasses, his big brown eyes looked tired.
You could have sworn you stared at him for minutes, but it was only a few short seconds.
"I," you crossed your arms, "I just came to pick up my car. If that's okay. Isâis Will around?"
It took Frankie a second to process.
"Uh, Will?"
You offered a faint smile. "Yeah."
"Yeah, right. Yeah," he reached up, rubbing the back of his neck. "I mean, no. He stepped out a moment ago. But he should be right back."
"Oh. Okay."
Behind you, the familiar scuff of Emma's footsteps drew closer until she suddenly froze.
You turned around, trying to pack an entire conversation into a single look, hoping she would decode it.
Just as you expected, your friend was dead in her tracks, holding two boxes in her arms and staring at Frankie like sheâd just seen a ghost.
She glanced at you a second later, then right back at him.
"Frankie," she said, flashing a casual but not quite casual smile. "I didn't... I didn't know you were here."
Frankie huffed a soft laugh and gave a half smile. "Will'll be back in a minute."
Emma nodded. "Where'd he go?"
"No idea," he shrugged, turning back toward the car. "But he left a while ago, so he should be back any second."
"Oh, alright."
The second you glanced her way, Emmaâs eyebrows shot straight up as she mouthed: Iâm so sorry.
You gave a casual shrug that completely masked the panic clawing at your insides, letting out a soft sigh as your eyes drifted across the yard. Toward the back, for instance, where a disassembled bike sat abandoned mid-repair.
"I can move this car out of the way so you can get yours out, if you want?" Frankie asked. He was talking to you; it took you a beat to realize it.
You nodded. "Sure. Thanks."
He gave a quick nod and turned toward the car blocking yours. Willâs car. He reached inside the driverâs side to grab something, then slid into the seat, shut the door, and got the engine running on the second try.
"Here, let me help," you said, turning around and grabbing one of the boxes from Emma, desperate for any kind of distraction.
"Oh my God, I am so sorry," she whispered, pushing open the back door to the house. There was no real need to whisper since the roaring engine drowned out anything you two said, but she kept her voice down anyway until you were both safely inside. "I had no idea he'd be here. I mean, I know he hangs out here a lot, but I didn't know he'd be here today of all days."
"It's fine."
"No, Iâm so sorry," she insisted, setting her box down on the kitchen counter. "I should have called first."
"No, Em, really," you said, dropping your box next to her. "It's fine. It's totally fine. You know what?" You turned to look at her. "Maybe itâs better this way, right? Unplanned and unexpected." You made a swift ripping motion with your hand. "Like ripping off a band aid. Iâve seen him, heâs seen me, how awkward can it really get? It wasn't even that bad!"
She smiled. "It wasn't?"
"Nope."
"Okay, that's good." She pursed her lips. "So... how are you feeling?"
"Nope. Nope," you said, shaking your head. "Too soon, honey. Not there yet."
Emma let out a soft laugh and pulled you into a tight hug. You took the moment to close your eyes, letting the tension in your chest unravel just a bit.
And outside, after a brief moment, the rumbling engine cut out as a clear sign that your safe haven inside the four walls of Willâs kitchen was officially up. You had to go back out there.
Emma let go of you, clearing her throat before turning toward the door and taking the lead. You gave it a single second before following her out.
The moment you stepped into the yard, your eyes instantly searched for him. Frankie was carefully peeling the protective cover off your car, and your gaze lingered on the back of his neck; on the soft messy strands of hair there, on the soft skin briefly blushedâŠ
A sudden warmth bloomed in your chest.
"I'll get your keys," he called out, disappearing into the house so fast that this time, he was the one who seemed to be running away.
Letting out a sigh, you crossed your arms and walked over to the car Frankie had been working on when you arrived. It was old, you noticed, but not quite as old as yours. This one looked more like a nineties model; glossy black with a leather interior and smooth sleek lines. On the hood, the Mercedes Benz logo caught the light.
"You got yourself a real gem here."
Frankieâs voice made you snap upright. He was standing right behind you, dangling your keys from his fingers.
Emma was still keeping quiet.
"Thanks," you said, offering a small smile.
Frankie extended his hand toward you. Your keys were looped around his index finger; you slid them off, careful not to brush against him.
"I don't actually know much about cars," you added, mostly because the silence felt a little too heavy. "Will helped me with it."
"Yeah, he told me. He and I bought this one together, from the same seller," he said, gesturing toward the Mercedes.
"It's really nice."
"Yeah, though it still needs a bit of work. Weâre fixing it up to... you know, sell it or something."
"I like it," you said, nodding. "My dad used to drive something like this when I was little."
His eyebrows shot up, and he replied almost too fast, "He did?"
"Yeah."
"Yeahâuh. It's a great car."
You nervously fiddled with the keys in your hands, dropping your gaze down to his shoes; a pair of black high top Vans.
Beside you, Emma let out a quiet amused sigh.
"I think I should get going," you blurted out, looking over at her only to catch a strange look on her face.
Oh, she was absolutely loving this.
"Yeah, sure," Frankie nodded, stepping aside as if he felt he was blocking your way.
"Can you tell Will I'll drop by later?" Emma asked him.
"Sure."
"Alright."
"Em, you can stay if you want," you told her.
"No, no. I said I'd help you unpack and set things up at your place, didn't I? Let's go," she said, waving you toward the driveway.
Unpacking at your place was a total lie. You were already fully unpacked and the apartment was spotless; she just wanted to be there for you.
"See ya," Emma added, giving Frankie's shoulder a friendly pat before turning around and heading toward the front of the house.
Once she was out of sight, you turned back to him.
"Tell Will I say hi."
He smiled. "I will."
"Thanks," you said, starting to turn toward your car. But you froze and looked back at him one last time.
He stood completely, utterly still.
You had no idea what to say, or why youâd even turned back around in the first place. But the moment you looked at his face and caught that flicker of nervousness in his eyes, you knew he was feeling it too.
"I like your glasses."
Frankieâs lips parted slightly, and a very soft sweet smile crept onto his face.
"Thank you," he replied.
Smiling back and holding in a sigh, you didn't say another word. You turned around, got into your car, and drove away, feeling his eyes on you the entire time.
You wished it had been different. You wished your inevitable reunion with him had happened in a controlled environment, surrounded by crowds of people; like Friday's rehearsal dinner or some pre-weekend get together. But as life had already proven to you time and again, you rarely get what you want exactly how you want it.
Forget everything we said a moment ago. All that talk about how time had been moving at a frantic pace since you stepped off the plane, remember? The walk from the airport to your house, your nice nap with Em, the drive from your door to Willâs⊠Forget it all. Because suddenly, the world seems to have ground to a near halt.
It's moving, and It's moving fast.
Youâre driving, and the blocks around you pass at a crawl. No, how silly; youâre the one moving, not the blocks. You drift down the street while Emma sits beside you in silence, and you know itâs not an illusion because the cars passing you vanish ahead in seconds. And also because, after a few minutes, Emma rested her hand on your shoulder and asked,
"You okay?"
You nodded without a word. Well, maybe a soft "hmm" echoed somewhere in your chest.
"I'm sorry," she said, sounding far too guilty. "I know I already told you but I had no idea he was gonna be there."
You nodded again. "He looks so different."
"Yeah."
"Francisco," you glanced at her for a second, "he looks different, doesn't he? Or is it just because I haven't seen him in so long?"
Emma nodded. "No, I think he does look a bit different."
"I mean, I'm not saying he looks bad, he looksâŠ" You tightened your grip on the steering wheel a little with your thumbs. "Different, healthier. Which is so freaking ironic because his face is covered in scars."
"Right."
"Oh GodâŠ"
"Hey," Emma squeezed your shoulder, "it's okay."
"He looks so good," you groaned.
Emma laughed. "It's okay."
You turned to look at her, frowning. "Does he wear glasses now?"
"He does."
"It's like he's doing it on purpose just to mess with me!"
"Look what Grian got for me." When Will walked into the yard, he was holding a six pack of beer and a large sealed plastic bag. "Original seat covers, baby, pure leather," he said, stepping closer to drop them onto the table next to the player.
Frankie was sitting in a chair with his elbows on his knees, and his eyes were fixed on the grass just past the concrete, contemplating his entire existence.
"Hey," Will called out.
Frankie looked up at him.
"Covers and beer," Will said, holding up the six pack.
"That's great. How much for the covers?"
Will frowned, glancing around the yard. The music was off, the creeper wasn't under the Mercedes, and most importantly, your car was gone.
"What happened?" he asked.
"She came to get her car." Frankie pushed himself up from the chair in one quick motion, rubbing the back of his neck. "Her and Emma, who said sheâd be by later, by the way."
Willâs eyebrows shot up. "Oh, shit, man. You alright? How that go?"
"Nothing. She just⊠she just came and went."
"Y'all talk?"
"A little."
"And? What'd y'all talk about?"
"Nothing, really. Just⊠just her car, and this and that, and nothing else." He swallowed, looking over at the half-repaired Mercedes. "I'm such a fool. I couldn't even act normal."
Will laughed. "What are you talking about? What do you mean?"
"Oh, man," Frankie groaned as he sat back down again, burying his face in both hands and rubbing his eyes. "She looks so beautiful. I felt like I could barely breath."
"Alright," Will crossed his arms, "let it out."
"I mean, look at me," Frankie suddenly pulled his hands away from his face and gestured to his clothes. "I'm a total mess."
"Well, you know, they say girls like that. All covered in grease from work, that whole hot mechanic thing..."
Frankie frowned. "Oh God."
"And with the glasses on and everything, huh?" Will chuckled. "I bet she dug 'em."
Frankie felt his face burn with embarrassment, wishing the ground would just open up and swallow him whole right then and there. He felt like a self-conscious teenager, or at least, his body was reacting like one.
A long time. Heâd spent so much time thinking about the next time heâd see you. Late at night when everything was quiet, in the middle of work, while washing dishes or doing laundry. He used to wonder how dramatic it would be, if it would be incredibly awkward or not at all, or if youâd just avoid him altogether. And none of it had been the way he expected.
He knew you hadn't expected to see him either. He'd caught it on your face the second he saw youâas beautiful and sweet as he remembered, but completely caught off guard all the same.
Heâd been dying inside with every passing second. The moment you drove away, he felt this overwhelming urge to run right after you; to hold you tight in his arms and cover your face with kisses, to tell you how terribly heâd missed you and that loving you this much was unbearable.
But how completely out of line would that have been, right? When you looked so good, so refreshed, so perfectly fine. Frankie knew he no longer had a place in your life for that kind of confession.
Heâd have to be strong. Stronger than heâd ever thought. Because the wedding was drawing close and these weren't gonna be easy days. Between the final preparations, the bachelor parties, the rehearsal dinner, and the ceremony itself, heâd have to find a way to keep his feelings in check and not let a single bit show, since youâd be seeing each other practically around the clock.
He couldn't even let his eyes betray him, because he knew all it took was having you nearby for him to look at you like a fool. Guess that's just what longing does to you.
And Santi knew all about that. He and Yov had talked to Frankie a few days back when the three of them stopped to rest during a long Sunday bike ride. Theyâd asked how he was doing, how he was prepping for the wedding, and if he was truly alright with all of it; all of this out on the trail, while their calves throbbed and their chests heaved. But the way their voices sounded reminded him of those times the guys used to try and casually check up on his health years ago, trying not to sound too nosy or overly worried.
"You don't need to worry, everything's fine," heâd told them, a bit winded. His neck was flushed and he could feel a bead of sweat dripping down his temple. He wiped it away with the back of his hand and let out a chuckle. "What do you think is gonna happen?"
Santi scratched his chin, pulling a face. "I know, I know it'll be fine. Itâs just, y'know, it can get awkward and all, and we wouldn't want either of you having a rough time."
"We'll be fine," Frankie nodded. "Don't worry. We spent years getting along terribly and managing to co-exist or something like it, and nothing happenedâ"
"No, no," Yov interrupted, shaking his head and holding up a finger, "that wasn't co-existing."
Frankie rolled his eyes, hiding a bitter smile. "Everything's fine on my end. Iâll be respectful, polite, and anything that comes up can wait until after the wedding. You can count on that."
He didn't even know what he meant by that. "Anything that comes up" could mean absolutely anything; an argument, a casual conversation, anything requiring an ounce of extra attention that might pull the focus away from what really mattered.
Anyway, heâd promised himself to keep his distance and not let a single thing throw off the balance this week needed to haveâŠ
Until he saw you again, and a flood of emotions washed over him, soaking him to the bone. And right then, Frankie realized that for the past few months, heâd only allowed himself to feel about twenty percent of what he truly felt for you.
Heâd convinced himself that he was okay with all of this; that his feelings, while still strong and very much there, weren't so intense anymore that they'd steal his breath away.
What a fucking lie. He loved you just as intensely as before, maybe even more; or maybe it was just the effect of seeing you after all this time.
You were surprised to see him; heâd noticed that. You hadn't expected it at all, and it definitely wasn't what you wanted. But as he looked at you, pretending to be completely unfazed, he felt this overwhelming urge to share every single piece of his life with you.
He wanted to tell you about his new house, about the big windows and how beautifully the light flooded the living room. About the shelves heâd filled with his vinyl records, and the space that was still left to fill.
Oh, and Mr. Bingley was absolutely out of his mind, completely in love with the new yard. Frankie would let him out for a bit, keeping a close eye on him so the cat wouldn't wander off anywhere. Heâd discovered the little guy was actually a total scaredy-cat, which would make Frankie anxious enough to bring him right back inside. He wasn't quite sure how to handle it yet; the neighborhood was quiet and not dangerous at all, but letting the cat roam free in the yard still made him nervous. Who knew, maybe heâd hop the fence and end up in the street, or some dog might give him a scare. He wasn't about to take that chance.
Heâd wanted to tell you about his new job, too. Frankie was back to training pilots, but no longer at his old academy. His former boss had done him a big favor by recommending him to the owner of a different academy (one that trained specialized pilots) and Frankie was finding it a whole lot more engaging and enjoyable.
Now he wasn't training arrogant rich guys who had too much money and free time on their hands, treating flying like some "easy" hobby with zero responsibilities (not that it was always the case, but... most of the time). Instead, he was training people who genuinely saw flying as a calling.
They were all young, eager to learn, and had a real respect for the profession. Frankie truly enjoyed teaching and had a great time with them; plus, the pay was damn good. It was exactly what he needed right now after draining a huge chunk of his savings. His house was about to sell, heâd already sold his car, and you could say he was pretty close to having everything sorted out.
He was doing alright.
Heâd wanted to tell you all of that. For a brief minute, every single piece of news in his life flooded his mind and he wanted to share it with you, but a second later he reminded himself that it wasn't his place anymore.
It made no sense how completely his chest melted whenever he thought about you now.
"What are you gonna do now?" Will asked then, leaning his hip against the table and tilting his head.
Frankie sighed, pulling his hands away from his face.
"What else? Nothing. Act normal, I guess. Like an adult."
"Nothing?"
"Nothing," he got up from his chair and walked over to the Mercedes, opening the driver's side door. "I'm not gonna bother her."
"Ah, I see. The old go-crazy-and-suffer-all-by-your-lonesome routine."
Frankie laughed softly, shaking his head. "I deserve it."
Wednesday, October 9th
You really don't care about Francisco. He barely crosses your mind.
He wasn't on your mind when you woke up this morning, nor when you showered and got ready to open the bookstore. You weren't thinking of him when you brushed blush onto your cheeks, or when you coated your lips in raspberry gloss. And you certainly weren't thinking of him every single time the chimes above the door jingled and you glanced up, checking to see who walked in.
No, you aren't thinking about him at all.
Your morning flew by, peaceful and smooth. It had been a while since youâd spent time at the bookstore, and settling back behind the counter felt incredibly good.
It was a quiet, nice morning. A few people dropped in; many left with books, others just browsed for stretches of time, and some simply asked a question before heading out.
In the quiet lulls, you read through the notes Donovan had sent this morning. There were far more than you anticipated, all anchored to comments lining the margins of the document.
In one of them, you read:
His age isnât clear. He could be anywhere between forty and sixty years old. If I didn't know better, Iâd assume he is a man nearing sixty. Keep in mind that the reader doesnât know what you know, and you cannot gloss over that in the main descriptions. You can weave it into the dialogue or the internal monologue. Your choice. But don't make it obvious.
It wouldn't be so jarring if Donovan didnât highlight the paragraphs in an intense, vibrant red. Sometimes he used yellow, other times a soft, light blue. If there was an actual system to his color-coding, you had no idea what it was.
At ten o'clock sharp, the chimes above the door rang out once more. Instantly, your eyes snapped toward the entrance, your mind flashing for a fraction of a second with the thought that it might be⊠him.
But it was Bill who stepped through the door.
Tall and handsome as ever, he wore a crisp smile and his bright prominent green eyes were shining as usual.
The moment you saw him, your eyes widened with joy.
You slipped off your stool to greet him as he walked in, carrying two large brown paper bags and a warm grin.
"Coffee and a slice of cake for my favorite writer!"
Bill set the bags down on the counter and welcomed you with open arms; he smelled of fresh brew and cologne. Your cheek pressed against his warm chest as he held you close for a brief moment.
"You haven't even read anything of mine," you laughed.
His hand brushed up your back. "I don't have to to know it'll be incredible."
"You really have faith in me."
Bill pulled back slightly. "We all do. Julie was thrilled when she found out. She says now sheâll have someone interesting to interview for her school project."
You huffed a laugh and walked back around to the other side of the counter. A customer stepped through the door right at that moment. Good morning, he said. Good morning, you replied. He was an elderly man holding a cane, and he headed straight toward the Hispano-American literature section.
"What are your plans for today?" Bill asked, leaning against the counter. "If you're free, Julie and I would love to have you over for dinner."
"Iâd love to," you smiled, "but tonight is Yovâs bachelorette party. And Santiâs bachelorette party, too."
He grinned. "Oh yeah? What d'you have planned?"
"We're grabbing drinks at a bar nearby," you tilted your head. "Yovâs girlfriends made a reservation for dinner too, so, we'll see what happens."
"And Santi?"
"Oh, I dunno. I know they're going out for drinks too, but knowing them, theyâll probably do something else too."
A chuckle caught in his chest. "Will they have to go rescue him from a hotel rooftop in the morning like The Hangover?"
"Mmm," you narrowed your eyes playfully, "I think it'll be more like Into the Wild."
"Campfires and all that, huh."
"Exactly," you nodded. "Knowing them, they'll have a few drinks and then go have fun somewhere out there. Nothing too crazy. Plus, the rest of Yov's family arrives tomorrow so he gotta be fresh."
"Got it," Bill nodded. "And how... how has Austin treated you so far?"
"Austin?"
He tilted his head, a smirk forming on his lips that made you suspect his question had several layers.
"Austin is fine," you answered, lifting your chin. "I barely got here yesterday and my eye is already twitching, how about that?"
It was a joke. Your eyes were not twitching at all. Spiritually, maybe.
Bill laughed and reached out with his left hand, grabbing the side of the brown paper bag he had set down moments ago.
"Better not drink this coffee then. It has two shots."
You burst out laughing and snatched the bag from his hands. "Don't you dare!"
You needed that coffee, and you also needed the slice of cake he had so carefully tucked inside the plastic container. But above all, you needed him to stay right there with you and give you his opinion on a few things.
You pulled the coffee cup out and set it on the counter for a moment.
Bill laughed softly, his eyes dropping to your hand, and thatâs when you asked:
"You free this Saturday?"
Later
If New York had taught you anything, it was how to dress and do your makeup.
No. Not New York. Alex.
Alex, like so many other wealthy, fashion forward New Yorkers, was a woman who understood style deeply and knew exactly how to tailor it to different people. That was why she had spent a massive chunk of your stay dragging you from one boutique to another, letting you freely indulge in every single one of her perks at beauty salons across the Upper East Side.
She had been incredibly generous. And while you initially thought it was a favor to you, you soon realized it was actually a treat for her. Letting Alex guide and advise your style was exactly what she craved and thoroughly enjoyed, and even Emma had gotten a little taste of her styling expertise when she came to visit a few weeks back.
You werenât normally one to blow money on clothes and makeup. Truthfully, you liked the things you already owned, they lasted a long time, and you rarely found anything you loved enough to desperately want to buy. But in New York, your credit card began seeing action it had never seen before. And honestly? You liked it.
Now, your closet in Austin was packed with new dresses, skirts, blouses, and a few pairs of boots and shoes. You had flown back with two massive suitcases stuffed to the brim, packed right alongside the heavy uncertainty of whether you were even going to stay here. When in doubt, bring it all.
Right now, Emma stood in front of your bedroom mirror, half dressed. She was in her bra, a dress pulled up only from the waist down, fussing with her underwear beneath the fabric to make sure there were no visible lines.
Even though she was wearing seamless panties, she was convinced that the glare of the light caught the faint outline of the edges.
"Iâm telling you, it doesnât show," you said from the bed.
You had finished getting ready ages ago and were now lounging with Mr. Darcy resting on your stomach. You wore a form-fitting black skirt paired with a black blouse featuring soft, sheer bell sleeves. The neckline was high, grazing your collarbones, and the entire front was dusted with tiny sparkles that subtly caught the light whenever you moved. Your legs were covered in semi-opaque black tights, finished off with boots that hit just three fingers below the knee.
"You sure? What about like this?" Emma turned to the side, arching her back to check her reflection.
"Itâs a thong," you said, lifting a hand. "And itâs completely seamless. For heaven's sake, Em, nothing is showing."
"Alright, alright," she dismissed with a wave of her hand. "You better be right. What time is your mom picking us up?"
"Seven o'clock."
"And what time is it now?"
You picked up your phone from where it lay beside you on the bed and glanced at the screen.
"Quarter to seven."
She let out a sigh of relief, then finally pulled the dress up over her waist and shoulders, slipping her arms through the sleeves and tugging the zipper up along her ribs.
She looked at her reflection and pursed her lips. You smiled.
Emma looked radiant. Not just beautiful, not just happy; radiant. Everything about her carried a glow that reminded you of the old Emma, the one from before the divorce, before everything had gone down.
She had always been a strong woman, and she had always faced life's hurdles as one. Even as she went through the divorce, you had never once seen her hang her head or crumble the way so many others would have. But she had suffered through bad days and rough patches, and during those times, a very specific light inside her had gone dark.
Between the two of you, Emma had always been the one who had life figured out, or at least the one who always knew how to stay on track.
Since you were little, she knew exactly what she wanted to do and how to achieve it; she graduated early, started working immediately, and married Luca shortly after meeting him. Everything in her life had always been neat and effortless, unfolding exactly how youâd expect the life of a model adult to go.
After the divorce, she barely faltered. That was the thing about Emma; some things just never seemed to shake her. Good or bad, she didn't let much get under her skin. Her peace was sacred.
Until Will came along.
At first, you couldn't quite put your finger on it, this thing that made her nervous in a way you had never seen before. When you were in New York and she would call to give you updates, the anxious flutter in her voice was entirely new. You were absolutely certain she hadn't been that jittery even during the week leading up to her wedding.
There was something about all of this that, for the first time in her entire life, was throwing her off balance. And it only took you a moment to realize why: she was truly in love.
Not in love the way she had been with Luca, or with any other ex⊠no. Truly, deeply in love. The kind of love that makes you feel like a teenager all over again, the kind that keeps him in your thoughts day and night, making you ache for him while simultaneously filling you with absolute peace.
You knew the feeling all too well. Looking at her right now, you recognized it instantly, because not too long ago, you had been in the exact same place. Head over heels.
Emma was in love.
"You look beautiful."
Hearing your voice, Emma caught your eye in the mirror and smiled.
"Thank you. You look beautiful too," she replied, turning around to face you directly.
You offered a warm smile in return, spreading your fingers across Mr. Darcyâs back. You gave his fur a gentle squeeze, and he immediately began to purr.
"SoâŠ" Emma walked over to the bed and drifted down beside you, propping herself up on her elbow. A wave of her perfume reached you instantly. "How's everything?"
You smiled. "How's everything? Everything's good."
"AhâŠ" She reached out and stroked Darcy, who promptly closed his eyes.
"What about you? How's everything with you?"
"Good." Emma sighed. "You talked to him?"
Your hand went still on Darcyâs back. "With whom?"
"Y'know. Francisco. Frankie. Have you talked to him?"
Your lips parted for a split second, your brows knitting together.
"No. Why?"
"Just asking," she said, pursing her lips. "After what happened yesterday, I dunno, I just thought maybe you guys had talked."
"Oh, no. No⊠you know how it is. If weâd talked, I wouldâve told you by now, don't you think?"
Emma huffed a laugh. "True. You better."
"And what happened yesterday? Was he there when you went over to Willâs later?"
"Yeah, but only for a little bit," she said, her hand running over Darcyâs fur almost absentmindedly. "And he didn't say much."
"Hmm."
"It doesn'tâŠ" Emma locked her eyes onto yours. "It doesn't bother you that I hang out with him, right? Because if it does, I can totallyâ"
"Em, no," you interrupted, shaking your head.
"No, Iâm serious. I know it can be weird for your best friend to spend time with your ex."
"Itâs weird if you phrase it like that," you laughed. "But you aren't hanging out with Frankie. Itâs just that he happens to be your boyfriend's best friend. Itâs not your fault."
"It really doesn't bother you?"
You raised your eyebrows. "No, it really doesn't."
"I swear, the first few weeks I gave him the absolute cold shoulder."
You laughed. "Really?"
"Yes, I swear! And he barely even came near me because he knew what I was gonna say to him."
"What were you gonna say?"
"That heâs a fool and an idiot, what else?" She laughed. "Though I think he already knew it, because he always watched his step around me."
"Mhm. You two seem to get along well enough now, though, right?"
At your question, Emmaâs smile faltered.
You knew she spent time around Frankie now. Here and there, they would cross paths at gatherings or over at Willâs place. She didn't tell you much, but it was always implicit. Every time Emma mentioned she was at a certain place, you already knew Frankie would likely be there too.
"Not really," she replied.
You smiled. "Em."
"What? Iâm serious."
"You don't have to hide it from me. I know Francisco can be nice. And I wouldn't expect you to treat him badly just for my sake. That would make things uncomfortable for everyone."
"I don't treat him badly," she said, lifting a hand, "but we aren't friends either, okay? We just⊠we talk like normal people."
"Sure."
"Ugh," she groaned, tossing herself backward and covering her eyes with both hands. "Iâm a terrible friend."
"Thatâs not true!"
"Of course it is! I have fraternized with the enemy!"
"Alright, stop it," you said, propping yourself up on your elbow. "Can we please drop this?"
"No!"
"Weâre adults," you laughed, pulling Emmaâs hand away from her face. "And Francisco isn't the enemy, heâs just my ex boyfriend. I have to coexist with him tomorrow, Em, please. Can we just act like this is normal?"
Emma sighed, narrowing her eyes. "Fine. But letâs be clear: I am gonna act like this is totally normal, but on the inside, I'm gonna enjoy every single second of watching you with Bill thereâ"
"Oh no, thatâs notâ"
"And when Frankie sees you with Bill?"
You threw your head back. "Bill is just my friend!"
"Your 'friend' whom you invited to your brother's wedding, where your ex, who was always a little jealous of him, happens to be the best man!"
A loud laugh burst from your throat as your face flushed bright red. "Itâs not like that!"
"Yes it is! You smart bitch!"
Emmaâs hands dug playfully into your stomach, and the tickling shocked another loud laugh out of you. Poor Mr. Darcy; the little cat bolted off the bed at the sudden noisy outburst.
On the inside, you swore to yourself: it really wasn't like that.
Fortunately for you, five minutes later, the horn of your momâs rental car honked outside your apartment, and Emma immediately bounded off the bed to throw on her heels, utterly unable to tease you any longer.
Hours later, at night.
Sitting at the long table surrounded by Yovâs friends, you felt at ease.
The restaurant was located right in the heart of downtown, and thanks to Cinthia, the maid of honor, they had managed to book a private table out on the terrace.
Beside Yov sat Emma, who had become really close to her over the last few months. The bond between them had blossomed naturally, fueled by all the time they spent together because of the guys. Watching them laugh together, it was hard to believe they hadn't known each other a lifetime.
"And then," one of Yovâs college friends said, gesturing animatedly with her fork, "she completely forgot where she parked the car and we spent two hours walking to our apartment, drunk as hell. And as soon as we got home, guess what? Her car was parked right there!"
The table erupted into laughter, and Yov buried her face in her hands just as her cheeks flushed pink.
Emma leaned in, nudging her playfully.
"To be fair, that happened to us, too," Emma chimed in with a grin, throwing a knowing look your way. "Remember that? My dad was so mad."
"Oh, yeah," you raised your eyebrows, "but we walked all the way home having forgotten your car was parked right outside the club."
Your mom gasped; "What? When was that, and why am I just finding out now?"
You turned to look at her, sitting to your left.
"It was a lifetime ago!" you replied.
She smiled and shook her head. It made you happy to see her here, laughing, enjoying herself, and sharing this moment with all of you, because the truth was, it had been a very long time since that had happened.
Following your fatherâs death, your momâs retreat had been almost absolute. She had rarely returned to the city, and she had never stepped foot in the family home again; a house that didn't even belong to you anymore.
Your relationship with her had fractured deeply because of that, leaving Santi as the one who stayed closest to her. It meant years of brief interactions, arguments over the phone, and her constant attempts to reach out to you, which you always pushed away.
Back then, you were younger. You were grieving one of the people you loved most, and you needed her. But she wasn't there, and for the longest time, you resented her for it.
If you were a mother, you would never do that; leaving the city because you were heartbroken over the loss of the love of your life was understandable, but distancing yourself from your two children was not.
And it wasn't that she had completely vanished, either. No, she had always tried to stay in touch with daily calls, constant texts, and video chats every single night. Until you finally said no more, and began to freeze out any kind of contact.
That lasted for two years. Two years where you cut yourself off from her entirely, reducing your only connection to calls once every few weeks and updates passed down through Santi.
It hadn't been easy at first, but she was entirely honest with you. All of this was difficult for her, and it had been incredibly hard years ago as well. But living together in New York after her trip had been surprisingly fun, and something you had missed desperately.
The two of you spent your days walking, exploring, taking in the city, and spending your nights watching movies, shows, and reading together in the living room.
You reconnected, and it felt so good. You had missed your mom so much, and being with her now felt completely right.
Amid the chatter and jokes, two hours flew by as you finished dinner and dessert. Yov was ecstatic; her friends were all gathered in the same room for the first time in years, and on top of that, her mom and yours were having a wonderful time together.
The atmosphere was incredibly warm and the excitement for the wedding grew with every passing minute; you were starting to feel the rush of emotion building up inside you, too.
You couldn't believe it. This was actually happening. Santi was getting married, and not only that, but his future wife was someone you absolutely loved.
Watching her now, as she laughed with your mom and lifted her glass to her lips, you felt a wave of genuine happiness.
What a beautiful family you had. And what a beautiful family they would have in a couple of years. You could picture it perfectly; just like this, but a little different. With a couple of kids, maybe. Santi wanted two; Yov wanted at least two. And you couldn't wait to have nieces and nephews running around everywhere.
She was an incredible woman, and your brother was lucky to have her. And on the flip side, Santi was a wonderful man, too. You were certain he would make an amazing husband and father, and you couldn't wait to see him step into that new chapter of his life.
"What are you thinking about?"
Emmaâs soft voice pulled you from your thoughts. Turning toward her, you met her bright eyes framed by long curling lashes. She gently touched your elbow.
"Nothing," you answered, a gentle smile tracing your lips. "I can't believe they're actually getting married. Time moves so fast. Santi is fully a grown man now."
Emma smiled. "He has been for a while, huh."
He had been for a long time. But you had barely noticed the passage of time, preoccupied with growing up right alongside him.
Everything had just moved so quickly. Only a few years ago, the two of you were inseparable, going everywhere together; you glued to his side like velcro, and him completely fine with bringing you along. It had always been you and him, him and you.
Every time he hung out with his friends, he brought you with him. Everywhere you went with Emma, there he was, simply because he was too curious and liked your company.
Spending these past months in New York had been a completely new experience for you, as you had never gone that long without seeing Santi. It had felt strange not having him around or seeing him for such a stretch, and it made you realize just how accustomed you were to his presence.
You didn't know if all siblings were like that. Probably not. But you and Santi definitely were.
"Your mom is having a great time," Emma whispered, leaning close to your ear.
You smiled instantly. "I know. I wish Dad were here to see it."
Emma squeezed your arm with hers. "I'm sure he is."
"You think so?" you asked, looking at her sideways with a small smile.
"Of course I do. I bet heâs even having a glass of wine somewhere right now."
That made you laugh. You could picture it perfectly: your dad tilting his elbow back to finish his glass of wine, just like he always did whenever he was celebrating and happy.
Somewhere out there, he was watching over you all. You liked to believe that.
"Another round, my treat! Our boy's getting hitched!"
A microsecond after Benny finished speaking, the entire bar roared in celebration, raising their glasses and hands.
Fuckin' opportunistic bastards, Santi thought amused. Everyone here wasnât just happy for him; they were just thrilled to drink on someone else's dime. Julius, CJ, Baz, Carlos, and even Don had already crowded around, slapping him on the back in congratulation.
Santi laughed, ducking his head a bit, suddenly feeling a wave of self-consciousness from all the attention.
"C'mon Fish, live a little," Will said, stretching his arm across the table to thrust a beer bottle toward Frankie, who was sitting at the far corner.
Santi watched him shake his head.
"Ts, I dunno," Fish replied.
"Not even a single drop?" Ben asked, sounding genuinely offended. "C'mon, celebrate with us. The state of Texas allows a zero-point-zero-eight blood alcohol level, which is..." He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, doing the math. "... a drink, a beer!"
Frankie crossed his arms and leaned his head back. "Under what exact circumstances were you researching that?"
Ben scoffed. "You donât wanna know. But letâs get one thing straight," he added, planting his hand firmly on the table. "I am a responsible driver!"
"Fish," Santi called out, raising his own beer. "Weâll call an Uber. Now celebrate with your friend who's about to tie the knot."
Frankieâs smile turned lopsided, and in that brief moment, Santi noticed how the scar on his cheek stood out just a bit more.
"You guys are a terrible influence. Havenât you noticed Iâm a clean guy now?"
"Oh, c'mon," Will laughed, throwing his head back.
"No, no, it's true," Santi chimed in, nodding. "He really is."
Will raised his eyebrows. "I know he is. What is it, up to one or two cans of beer a day, max?"
"Only if I have to drink. Otherwise, nothin'," Fish said, squaring his shoulders with a hint of pride.
Santi smiled, feeling a pang of pride himself. "Iâm proud of you. We all are."
"To Fish!" Benny raised his beer.
Will smiled and imitated his brother. "To Fish."
Frankie scoffed, suddenly shy, and hid his eyes under his glasses.
A second later, Will took a long swig of his beer before slamming the bottle back down on the table.
"Alright, enough with the sappy stuff, you're gonna give me diabetes. If Fish is staying sober, it just means more booze for the rest of us. Call that round already!"
Frankie laughed and looked over at Santi, who held his gaze for a couple of seconds, his eyebrows rising bit by bit.
"Uh?" Santi smirked. "Just one? What do you say?"
A few feet away, Grian was pulling out beer bottles and lining them up on the bar.
Frankie leaned forward, resting his forearms on the table, a wide grin flash of teeth breaking across his face.
"It's my bachelorette night and my best man can't even clink glasses with me!"
"Alright, alright, alright," Frankie raised both hands in surrender. "Just one. But only 'cause itâs your night and a nice cold beer actually sounds real good right now."
Will slapped Fish on the back, giving him a rough but affectionate nudge, a grin splitting his face.
"And just so we're clear, we're still incredibly proud of you."
Santi smiled as he watched them, taking a sip of his beer. As he swallowed, a heavy sensation settled deep in his chest.
He couldn't quite explain this feeling. He was thrilled about his wedding, and even more so about what it meant for his life with Yov. Yet his smiles felt forced, slipping away the moment none of his friends were looking.
Will was ecstatic, Benny was right there with him (and a bit tipsy), and Fish had just tipped a bottle to his lips, taking a long swig as the corners of his mouth turned upward into a grin. And in that exact moment, the only thing Santi could think about was⊠someone else.
Terrified that someone might notice the sudden glossiness in his eyes, he pressed the beer to his mouth and finished it in one long gulp.
"Alright, whereâs that next round, huh?" he said, bringing the empty bottle down hard on the table. "Iâm getting thirsty."
Fish smirked slightly, his gaze drifting over Santiâs face. "You alright?"
Santi let out a huff. "As always."
People always say you shouldn't drink on an empty stomach.
Well, you all took that advice to heart.
Following a delicious dinner and a suggestively named dessert specially crafted for the bride and her guests, the group piled out onto the street, where a stretch limousine was already idling by the curb.
Yov burst out laughing. "Fio, what on earth is this?"
Fiona, one of her best friends, gestured grandly toward the massive car before pulling a white sash out of her bag that read Future Mrs. Garcia in bold lettering.
"What does it look like?" she laughed, stepping closer to loop the sash over Yovâs shoulder. "Nothing but the best for our beautiful bride; you only get married once!"
Emma chuckled. "According to whom?"
"I've been married twice," Cinthia chimed in, raising both hands.
"Well, they do say third timeâs a charm," Fiona shot back, clapping a hand over her mouth the exact second the words slipped out.
The sound of your momâs laughter made you snap your head to the right, and you watched her laugh with flushed cheeks as she walked over to Yov and gently took her by the arm; She was already a bit tipsy. She had finished two glasses of wine during dinner and you knew that was always enough to make your mom giggly, and you loved seeing it.
She was having a wonderful time, just like everyone else.
Fortunately, Fionaâs slip of the tongue was swept away by a wave of giggles as the limousine doors swung open, inviting you into leather seats and neon lighting.
One by one, each one of you piled inside, heels clicking against the pavement before sinking into the comfort of the interior. ABBA was already pulsing through the speakers and a chilled bottle of champagne was waiting in the ice bucket.
Your mom took a seat near Yov, still giggly, while Emma slid in right next to you; her eyes were sparkling as she smoothed down her dress and smiled at you. Cinthia, in front of you, immediately took charge of pouring the drinks, handing out flutes of bubbling champagne as the city lights outside melted into streaks against the tinted windows.
It was a short drive, but when the limousine finally pulled up to the curb, the venue took your breath away.
It wasn't a huge chaotic nightclub, but a really nice luxurious place. Nestled behind a discreet entrance, the lounge exuded⊠quiet. The lighting was low and calm, casting shadows over velvet booths, dark walnut accents, and a big glowing marble bar that stretched across the main room. Your first thought was oh, this is expensive.
But Cinthia took charge of that. Of everything, really. She had a wildly successful career in PR, and before you had even made it to the restaurant, she had casually mentioned how she always managed to get exactly what she wanted. It was a natural born talent. The restaurant, the limo, the lounge, and even the expensive bottles of champagne waiting for them were all the masterwork of her and Fiona.
A hostess in a tailored suit checked the name and guided your group past the main floor toward a raised, private tier.
"Right this way, ladies. Your table is ready in the VIP lounge," she murmured.
The private area overlooked the rest of the venue, enclosed by elegant brass railings and draped in heavy emerald green curtains. It was the perfect vantage point.
"You really outdid yourself," Yov breathed, taking in the crystal glasses and the dedicated server already waiting for them.
Cinthia just offered a knowing smirk, sinking into the velvet cushions. "Only the best for the bride. Now, what are we drinking?"
Emma squeezed your arm. "Oh my God, no! No! I'm gonna pee myself!"
"Oh no!" your mom shrieked.
You wanted to answer (you really, truly did) but the words wouldn't come because you couldn't even breathe. Your stomach ached from laughing so hard, and Emma wasn't helping; she was standing right in front of you with her legs tightly crossed, this ridiculous, hilarious wheeze escaping her chest.
"Emma, no, go, go!" Cinthia ordered, shooing her away with a wave of her hand. Beside her, Kat, another one of Yov's friends, looked intensely focused, squinting into near blindness as she tried to wipe her glasses with a cloth.
"C'mon, I'll take you," you managed to choke out between giggles, pushing yourself up from your seat and nudging Emma toward the hallway.
"You need me to come with you, sweetie?" your mom asked.
You turned back to look at her and your grin widened; she had a straw clamped between her lips, her eyebrows raised expectantly.
"Nah, we're good, we'll be right back."
Oh God, your stomach literally hurt from laughing. You couldn't even remember what the first joke was, or whatever it was that had triggered this chain reaction of non stop laughter, but it had been at least ten minutes of tossing one-liners back and forth.
Surprisingly, your mom wasn't helping the situation at all; she was on a roll tonight, spilling anecdotes about Santi; embarrassing stories that would have absolutely mortified him if he were here to listen.
And like any good younger sister, you found them hilarious and were laughing your head off.
"Ask him about the time he tried to impress a girl in middle school by doing a backflip off the diving board," she said minutes ago. "He ended up doing a full horizontal belly flop. The smack was so loud the lifeguard thought a firecracker went off! He had a bright red stomach for a week, my poor boy!"
Yov buried her face in her hands, her shoulders heaving as she let out a loud, snorting laugh.
"I am calling off the wedding," she wheezed, shaking her head.
"No!" your mom shot back, entirely unbothered, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "I have the photo album to prove it. I'll pass it under the table right before you say 'I do'."
"Oh yeah! I've seen those photos!"
Picture this. A fourteen year old Santi with slightly long curls and naturally flushed cheeks. And underneath his t-shirt, a bright red stomach bruised from a wipeout that made you laugh your head off back then, but also curse on his behalf. It wouldnât have been so embarrassing if it hadn't been summer, and if he hadn't done it right in front of every single kid at the pool. The poor guy wore a shirt for an entire week after that, even to get into the water.
It was a simple kind of silly anecdote, but the way your mom told it was hilarious, and it was followed by so many more that your brotherâs ears would definitely be burning somewhere right now.
Emma let go of your arm the second you entered the restroom and rushed straight into a stall.
"Your mom is so funny," her voice echoed. "I missed her. Poor Yov!"
Looking in the mirror, you ran your index finger under your eyelashes to fix the mascara that had smudged a bit.
"I know, but sheâs one of us now. She has been for a while."
"I love her, I love herâouch!"
"What's wrong?" you tilted your head to the side.
"Nothing, nothing, I just twisted my stu-pid foot!"
Laughing, you furrowed your brow. "What are you even doing in there?"
Emma let out a low chuckle. "Nothing. These toilets are too damn low."
"Alright. Just be careful in there." You looked down at your purse and opened it to grab your lip gloss, but the glowing screen of your phone caught your attention instead.
Ten missed calls and many⊠many messages. All from Will. And you would have heard them if you hadn't put your phone on vibrate mode just to enjoy the night better.
Plse answt, one of the messages read.
wwe can't fondsanti
Your heart started beating incredibly fast as you unlocked the phone, your hands turning freezing cold.
You heard the sound of Emmaâs toilet flushing just as you pressed call on Will.
"Oh God, much better," she said as she stepped out of the stall, but you couldn't do anything except listen in silence. Emma watched you bring the phone to your ear. "What happened?"
"I don't know," you shrugged both shoulders.
The phone rang once, twice, three timesâ
"Hey."
"Hey, Will, what happened? I just checked my phoneâ"
"Santiâs gone."
Oh God, he was slurring his words.
"What you mean he's gone? Gone from where? Isn't he with you?"
Emmaâs eyes widened. "Is that Will?"
You nodded and put it on speaker.
"âin the restroom, but Ben went to look for him and he wasn't there, and he's nowhere to be found andâ"
"Where are you right now?"
"Here."
"Here where?"
"Will, honey, can you hear me? Where are you guys?" Emma asked.
"In the restroomâat the bar, in the bar restroom."
Your heart jumped into your throat. "And where's Santi?"
"I-I I dunno, he left, or I dunno, he's not hereâ"
You closed your eyes in frustration. "Listen, is there anyone else there I can talk to?"
"Yeah wait."
On the other end, you could hear music, voices, and a thud that sounded like a door slamming shut. Will muttered a shit, and two seconds later:
"Yeah?"
Francisco.
"Hey, what happened?" you asked, rubbing your hand across your forehead. "Where's Santi?"
"Uh⊠we⊠we don't know where he is. We were just hanging out here and he said he had to go to the restroom." Okay, he wasn't slurring his words. "And then after a bit, we realized it had been a really long time, and when Ben went to check, he wasn't in the restroom, or in the bar. He's not here, he left."
"But how? How could he have left without you guys noticing?"
Emma watched you in silence, her eyes wide.
"I dunno, I'm sorry. He must've slipped out through the other side of the bar."
"Shit, Frankie, are you being serious?"
"I'm sorry, we're gonna go look for him right nowâ"
"Will is drunk, and I assume Benny is too, you aren't gonna get very far," you sighed. "How was Santi acting before he disappeared?"
"A bit wasted too. He started talking about trees and houses, and said Yov was gonna be mad at him."
Emma gasped in shock. Your heart completely skipped a beat.
"Alright, where exactly are you guys right now?" you asked.
"At The Crow. We were planning to head over to Met Park later."
"Okay. Listen to me, stay put, yeah? I'm coming right now. Please don't call anyone else. Have you talked to anyone else?"
You heard Frankie pull the phone away from his ear.
"Did you talk to anyone else? No? You Ben? AlrightâŠ" his voice sounded muffled before coming back clear. "No, they haven't talked to anyone else. Neither have I."
"Good. I'm not far, okay?"
"Okay."
Without answering, and before he could say anything else, you cut the call, your hands freezing cold.
"What are we gonna do?" Emma asked. "You don't think he got cold feet about the wedding, right?"
"No, no," you shook your head, though you weren't entirely sure. "No way. Santi would never do that."
Emma rubbed her cheek. "I'm calling an Uber right now. What are you gonna tell the girls?"
"Nothing. They don't need to know. I'll just text mom telling her we're heading home for some silly reason, and that's it."
Your fingers flew across the screen, typing out some absurd excuse. Hey, Em broke her shoe, we're running home real quick to change and we'll be right back, don't worry, we already called the Uber.
You hit send and prayed that your mom's maternal instinct wouldn't kick in tonight of all nights.
You were going to kill Santiago.
If you bit your nails any shorter, you were going to be left with none. And it felt like this damn Uber driver was practically crawling.
"There they are!" Emma said the second you pulled up to the block where the bar was.
Will, Ben, and Frankie were waiting outside on the sidewalk, the three of them looking like scared kids waiting for their moms to pick them up from kindergarten.
You mumbled a quick thank you to the driver and got out as fast as you could, while Emma scrambled out from the other side a bit more clumsily.
Will put both hands on his head as soon as he saw her. "Emmy!"
"Look at you! Grown men!" she snapped, a little tipsy herself. "How could you lose your friend?"
Shaking your head, you looked over at Benny, who was crouching down and looking like he was about to throw up, before shifting your gaze to Frankie; the only sober one, apparently.
He wasn't drunk, but he looked just as panicked. His hair was a bit messy, and he was looking at you with a strange expression.
"What happened?" you asked, crossing your arms as you stepped up to him. "Have you tried calling him?"
Frankieâs eyes flickered across your face. "He left his phone. I have it right here."
"Oh God."
"Don't worry, we're gonna find him," he nodded. "He couldn't have gone very far."
"How? Look at them," you gestured toward Will and Benny. "They're wasted!"
Frankie took another step closer to you. "But I'm not. I've only had a few sips. My car is right across the street."
"Francisco. You're the best man, you were supposed to look out for him," you frowned, a sudden wave of anger hitting you. "How on earth did you let him slip away?"
He frowned back. "How was I supposed to imagine heâd just take off like that? It's Santi we're talking about."
"Yeah, exactly!"
"Alright, alright," Emma stepped in, raising a hand. "Stop wasting time talking and do something, okay? He could be anywhere! Frankie, can you drive?"
He nodded. "Of course."
"Zero point zero eight!" Ben yelled.
"Okay. You go with him and search everywhere," she told you, gesturing with her chin, "and I'll take these two drunks back to Will's place."
No, you thought. And your stomach did such a massive flip you almost gasped. But on the outside, you just nodded.
"Alright," you said, catching sight of Frankie moving beside you out of the corner of your eye. "I'll keep texting you. Tell Grian to keep an eye out in case Santi comes back here, and to hold onto him."
"Will do."
You took a step backward and your back collided with somethingâNo, with him.
As you lost your balance, his hands instantly caught your shoulders. He was right behind you.
"Sorry."
"It's fine," he murmured over your shoulder, his hands releasing you immediately. "Let's go."
He started walking toward the curb, stopping right there to wait for you.
Before moving, you looked at Emma with your eyes wide open, only to catch the mischievous glint in her gaze as she pressed her lips together, trying not to smirk.
Bitch.
Well, this felt familiar.
As you crossed the street, you turned back for a moment and saw your best friend on the other side, while you awkwardly approached your brotherâs friendâs car. It was a familiar scene, wasn't it?
Unlike that first time in Dallas, Frankie held the door open for you. A gentlemanly gesture that caught you off guard. First, because you didn't recognize the car. It was a different one. Black or dark blue, you couldn't quite tell the color in the darkness of the night. It wasn't any of the cars you had seen at Willâs house, and this one was newer. And second, because it would have been easier for both of you to have just skipped the gesture entirely.
"Thanks." You settled into the leather seat, and he shut the door softly beside you.
During the brief seconds it took him to walk around to the driver's side and get in, you let out a deep sigh. Your eyes scanned the black dashboard and then moved up to the rearview mirror, where a small silver cat keychain and a green pine tree hung, filling the space with the scent of vanilla.
Frankie stepped inside like a gust of air and slammed the door shut.
Alright. Chill. This doesn't have to be weird.
"Where to?" he asked.
You pressed your knees tightly together. "Let's just drive around the block first."
Without a word, he started the engine and pulled the car out of its parking spot, maneuvering smoothly as he kept a cautious eye on the street, while you locked your eyes on him the exact same way.
"Uh," you cleared your throat and looked straight ahead, "he couldn't have gone very far."
"He must be around here somewhere."
"You think he called a cab or something?"
"I have his phone."
"Right," you pursed your lips. "Of course."
You clasped your hands in your lap and laced your fingers together, feeling your palms grow sweaty as you stared out the window, holding back a sigh.
It smelled way too much like him in here. Like his cologne, the fabric softener on his clothesâlike him, because he was sitting right next to you, and that made sense, didn't it?
Your heart was beating so fast.
"He seemed a little down today," he noted.
You turned to look at him. "What do you mean?"
"You know, earlier," he looked back at you, holding your gaze for a couple of seconds before turning his eyes back to the street. "I figured he was just nervous about the wedding, so I didn't want to press him with questions."
"You think that could be it? You think he got scared?"
He shook his head. "No, no way. Santi isn't like that."
"I know he's not. But I dunno, it could be possible."
Through the window, the sidewalks and streets passed by with no sign of him.
"What did he mean when he said Yov was gonna be mad?"
Frankie pursed his lips and turned the corner. "I don't know, he wasn't making much sense. He started talking about trees, about how long they live and how big they can grow, and how it had been a really long time since he last visited the park. I asked him about it, but he said nothing. Then he said Yov was gonna be mad if she found out about the house. When I asked him what he meant, he just said it was stupid."
"I can't think of anything," you sighed, rubbing your hand over your neck in frustration. "It doesn't make any sense. Did something happen with his house? What on earth was he talking about?"
"He's drunk, I don't think much of what he said was supposed to make sense."
"But Santi isn't like that, you know him," you looked at him. "When has he ever said something he didn't mean?"
He sighed. "Never, I guess. Maybe tonight he was just in the mood to talk about live oaks."
You froze, watching Frankieâs profile as he looked straight ahead and scanned the sidewalk on his side while driving at a relaxed pace.
"Live oaks?"
"Yeah," he affirmed, looking over at you. "I didn't know he was that into trees."
Oh.
OH.
Your hand shot out to grab his shoulder. "I think I know where he is."
"What?"
"Turn around right here," you pointed with your hand, "now. I know where he is!"
Frankie accelerated to the corner and made a sharp left. "Where? Tell me."
"I'm not completely certain, but I'm almost positive," you brushed a strand of hair out of your face.
He chuckled. "Are you gonna tell me where or not?"
"Osbourne Park."
"Why?"
"When we were kids, we had this eco-week in school and they sent us to plant trees. Santi and I planted a live oak with Dad. We went there a lot after he passed away, and I amâJesus, I'm almost positive he has to be there. Did he say anything about my dad tonight?"
"Yeah," he raised his eyebrows, "yeah, he did."
A relieved sigh escaped your throat and instantly, the car surged forward as he pressed on the gas.
"Take the next right. It'll get us to the ramp faster," you said, leaning forward in your seat, your fingers tightly gripping the edge of the dashboard.
Without a word, he shifted gears and veered right. The streetlights flashed across his face, throwing shadows over his jawline and making his messy hair look even wilder.
Not the time to be looking at him like this!
"He's gonna be fine," he said quietly, grounding anchor against the worry rising in your chest. "If heâs at the park, heâs just clearing his head. He wouldn't do anything stupid."
"I know, I just hope he's there. Otherwise, I don't know," you murmured, staring out at the blurred shapes of buildings. "I don't have any other idea."
Frankie glanced at you, his expression softening before he turned his focus back to the road. "Easy. He's gonna be okay. And if he's not there, we can keep looking around."
Your heart did another strange, complicated flutter that had nothing to do with Santi. You swallowed hard and kept your eyes glued to the windshield.
The car flew past the exit signs, Frankie maneuvering through the light night traffic. He kept his foot steady on the accelerator, making the drive feel much shorter than it actually was. And within short minutes, the neon signs of the downtown bars faded away, replaced by the dark, towering silhouettes of the trees surrounding Osbourne Park.
He took the final turn into the park's entrance; the headlights cut through the heavy darkness of the empty parking lot, sweeping over the grass.
You popped the door open and scrambled out of the car as the heavy darkness of the park was broken only by the scattered park lights cutting through the night, and hovered by the car for two seconds, waiting as Frankie got out from his side and shut his door with a thud.
The moment you saw he was ready, you started moving into the park, your eyes darting everywhere, scanning every shadow. Then, you locked your gaze just to the right, past the paved, illuminated path that led toward the thicker wooded area where the tallest trees stood, and among them, the live oak.
Your pace quickened. As you got closer, cutting through the deep shadows, you managed to make out a familiar shape.
"There he is," you said, drown in anger and relief.
You broke into a fast walk, nearly a jog, while your heart hammered against your ribs as you felt Frankieâs footsteps keeping close right behind you.
As you got closer, you could make him out better. Santi wasn't on the grass; he was sitting on a park bench right in front of the little green space where the tree stood tall and still young among others.
Your footsteps naturally lost their urgency, your pace tapering off as you approached him from behind. He was half hunched over, elbows resting on his knees with his head hanging down. His curls caught the bright glare of the overhead LED light, making them glint in the dark.
You stopped. "Santi?"
He jumped a little at the sound of your voice, straightened up at a relaxed pace, and turned his head just enough to look at you, his eyes unfocused.
"Bub? What are you doing here?"
His voice sounded completely congested and undeniably drunk.
"Frank," Santi smiled, "what are you two doing here?"
You let out a tired sigh and stepped closer to him. "I could ask you the same thing, couldn't I? What are you doing here?"
Up close, he looked like a little kid. You could see his glassy, tear filled eyes, the soft curls falling over his forehead, and the utterly defeated look that took over every single feature of his face as he stared at you in pain.
Santi hung his head again.
"I'm sorry. It's just..." He swallowed hard. "I need time."
His voice was so low you had to furrow your brow. "What?"
He shook his head.
Confused, you glanced over at Frankie, who was keeping a short distance back. He was absolutely quiet.
"Our house is for sale," Santi said. "Our house."
You shifted to his side and sat down right next to him. Tilting your head to see him better, your chest tightened.
"Our house?"
"Our house," he looked at you, and right then, it clicked.
Santi wasn't talking about his house. He was talking about your childhood home.
"I drove past it the other day. I always do. Itâs on my way to work, or⊠not really, I'm lying. I just like driving past it, I guess," he continued. "You remember the family that bought it? With those three little kids?"
"Yeah."
"They don't live there anymore. It's empty now, and there's this big sign outside with a realtor's face on it," he let out a humorless laugh.
You forced a smile even though your cheeks felt heavy, and you reached your hand out to his arm.
Instantly, Santi placed his hand over yours.
"I want it back, bub," his voice cracked. "Itâs our house. How could we just let it belong to someone else?"
"You know how things were back then. It wasn't easy for momâ"
"Dad lived there. We grew up there. And she⊠she just got rid of it because it hurt? What about us? What about you, what about me?" he spat out painfully, the words hitting you straight in the chest.
You swallowed hard. "I know."
Santiâs face contorted with agony, and a sob broke through his lips. And as if he were terrified of you seeing him like this, he covered his face, burying his head in his hands, trying to hide in the shadow of his own body.
"Santi," was all you could manage to say as you threw your arm around his back, resting your head against his shoulder while thick tears began to pool in your eyes.
He let out a ragged breath and abruptly straightened up, making you shift away from him.
"I made an offer," he said.
"For the house?"
He nodded, looking at you with pure fear in his eyes. "I did. And Yov doesn't know."
"How⊠how? With what moneyâI'm sorry, butâ"
"Our savings, and I'm planning to take out a loanâ"
"Santi, wait," you shook your head gently, "you have to talk to her before you do anything like this."
"I know."
"Why didn't you tell her?"
"I don't know," he shook his head, in pain. "She loves our current house. If she found out I wanted to sell itâI don't wanna disappoint her." A gasp broke through his words. "I'm gonna be a husband."
You smiled involuntarily at the realization. "Yeah, you will."
Santi sat completely still, barely moving, his eyes bloodshot as he stared down at his own hands, his body swaying in an almost imperceptible rhythm.
"I'm gonna be a husband," he repeated, barely a scared whisper. "And a dad, someday."
"I am absolutely certain you'll be a great husband and dad."
His head snapped toward you, his eyes instantly flooding with glassy tears.
"You will," you reaffirmed, squeezing his hand. "I know you will."
He nodded at a very quiet, subdued pace. "I need him, bub."
A beat.
You nodded. "I know. I need him too."
"How can I ever be like him? How can I ask him what to do or how to do it if he's not here? He should be here," his words took on an angry edge right at the end. "On my wedding day."
"I honestly don't know," you murmured, your voice catching as you squeezed his hand tighter. "I ask myself the exact same thing every single day. But I know I have you, and you have me. And you can always, absolutely always count on me, for whatever, whenever. And I'm sure he's so proud of you."
Santi offered a faint, fleeting smile, his eyes searching yours. "I'm gonna miss you when you leave again. Nothing is the same without you sticking your nose into all of my business."
You let out a soft laugh, blinking back a new wave of tears. "You're gonna be way too busy starting your own family. You'll barely even notice I'm gone."
His smile faltered, a deep, raw sadness washing over his features. "How could you say something like that? You're part of my family too. I've missed you so much these past few months, you know that? First Mom, and then you," he said, his voice cracking slightly as a weak smile returned to his face. "Why is everyone so obsessed with leaving this place, huh?"
He turned his head around, his gaze shifting toward Frankie, who was still standing a short distance behind you both, keeping his respectful space.
Frankie offered a quiet smile, his eyes on Santi. "Hey, I came back, didn't I?"
Santi let out a weak laugh. "Yeah, you did."
Then, he turned back around to face the dark park, letting out a long, exhausted sigh. He hung his head, dragging both of his hands over his face and up through his tangled curls, holding them there for a second.
When he finally lifted his eyes, he locked his gaze onto the live oak tree, staring at it in total silence for a long moment, as if soaking in the memory of your dad one last time tonight.
Finally, he spoke, his voice completely drained. "I wanna go to sleep."
You nodded silently, the lump in your throat making it impossible to speak.
"Alright, let's go," you whispered.
Carefully, you pushed yourself up from the bench and reached out, pulling on his arm to help him stand. His weight shifted unsteadily, but right at that moment, Frankie was there. He stepped in instantly, his strong grip catching Santi by the arm, anchoring him and helping him keep his balance on his shaky, alcohol heavy legs.
In complete silence, the three of you made your way back across the grass toward the car. The only sound was the rustle of the night breeze through the leaves and the quiet scuff of your shoes. And when you reached the vehicle, you quickly pulled the back door open as Frankie guided Santi inside, carefully maneuvering him so he could settle into the backseat.
The second his head hit the leather, it was over. In less than two seconds, Santiago was completely out, his eyes shut tight as his breathing immediately slowed into a deep sleep.
Frankie drove in silence down the side street by the park, careful with every bump and easing through the road so the carâs movement wouldn't wake Santi. In the backseat, he was completely twisted and bent out of shape, yet fast asleep.
Less than a minute passed after you left the park area behind before a sigh finally escaped your throat.
Your phone lay in your lap, its screen dark ever since you read Emmaâs last message a few moments ago. She was already at Willâs place with the guys, and apparently, Benny had crashed on the couch the second they walked through the door.
Frankie pulled up to a red light.
"You can take us to my place if you want, Iâll stay with him," you said, not looking at him.
He clicked his tongue. "Nah, it's fine. Iâve got him. Yovâs party is still going, you shouldn't miss it. Iâll take him to Willâs and crash with the guys. You and Emma can head out."
"You sure?"
"Yeah," he turned to look at you, "gotta fulfill my duties as bestman."
A helpless smile slowly formed on your lips as you looked at him, and his own lips mirrored the gesture a second later. His eyes held yours like a magnet, and your stupid heart skipped a beat again.
"So, uh, New York," he tossed out, breaking eye contact as he looked back at the road. "What did you think?"
You lowered your head, fixing your gaze on your hands in your lap.
"It's nice. It's a great city," you looked back at him, but his eyes were still fixed ahead. "And I⊠Iâve been writing a lot."
Frankie glanced at you again. "Yeah?"
You nodded, unable to stop yourself from smiling like an idiot.
"Yeah. A book, actually."
"That's amazing," he smiled, "what's it about?"
"Uh, well, it's kind of a love story. It's mostly about Miles, and his relationship with Alya. They meet one night at a restaurant and lose touch for a year until they cross paths again, but Miles is this guy with a huge amount of baggage and things to work through," you waved your hands, showing just how huge Miles's problems really were. "And it's⊠it's a complicated story."
Frankie gave a half-smile, nodding slowly. "Does it have a happy ending?"
You pursed your lips and tilted your head. "I'm not telling you."
"Why? C'mon."
The traffic light turned yellow, and two seconds later, green.
"It has a happy ending, doesn't it?" he pressed, his eyes drifting back to the road as the car started moving again.
You huffed. "You really want me to spoil it for you?"
"Depends. How long do I have to wait to read it?"
"I haven't even finished writing it yet, so probably a while."
Frankie let out a soft laugh. "Alright. I'll wait."
Or maybe you could show him a few pages, you thought. Just a few, just to get his opinion.
It was just a thought. You didn't even know why you were so desperate to show him all of it.
"Emma told me you moved to a new place?" you said, your fingers fidgeting in your lap.
He nodded. "Yeah. Over at Circle Ranch."
"Yeah? It's a nice area."
"It is, it really is," he glanced at you for a split second. "Bingley likes it."
You smiled. "Really?"
"Yeah. We have a big backyard now, lots of grass and a few trees. He loves it, but it freaks me out a little, y'know," he shook his head with a smile. "The other day he climbed up one of the trees and I spent half an hour trying to get him down."
"He probably would've come down on his own. Cats really like being up in high places."
"I know. But what if a dog gets him or something?"
You tilted your head. "Are there any dogs nearby? I mean, from your neighbors or...?"
He shook his head. "Not really."
"Then?"
Frankie laughed. "I don't know. I guess I just don't want anything happening to him."
"Mhm. Cats are really smart. Bingley is really smart," you assured him. "And if your yard is safe, you shouldn't worry too much as long as he stays inside it. Just make sure he doesn't escape."
"Yeah, I bought him a collar with a tracker."
You laughed softly. "That's cool. I should get Darcy one of those. You really are a protective cat dad, uh."
"Well, obviously," he smiled, keeping his eyes on the road. "Heâs my roommate. If he goes missing, I gotta do my own dishes."
"Fair point," you smiled, looking out the window for a moment. "I'm glad Bingley is enjoying his new backyard. Sounds like he has his own little kingdom now."
"He definitely thinks he owns the place," Frankie chuckled, slowing down as you approached a quiet intersection. The playful tone in his voice softened, turning into something softer as he glanced over at you. "What about you? Are you staying at your apartment?"
"Yeah. It feels good to be back home. Even Darcy is enjoying it."
Frankie nodded, keeping his hands steady on the wheel. He went quiet for a moment as the car moved down the dark street.
Then, his voice dropped. "So... Uh, are you, are you going back to New York?"
A sudden hollow feeling carved itself deep into your chest. You bit the inside of your cheek, looking away out the passenger window as the city lights blurred past. In your lap, you tightly laced your fingers together, squeezing your hands to ground yourself.
"I guess. I don't know yet."
You turned your head back to look at him just as the car approached another intersection. The traffic light flicked to a glowing red.
Frankie came to a stop and turned his head.
In the sudden stillness of the car, bathed in the soft crimson glow of the light, his eyes met yours. There was no teasing left in them, no easy deflection; just a brief searching intensity that seemed to pull the air right out of your lungs for a second.
He looked at you as if he were trying to read between the lines of your hesitation, his eyes dropping to your lips for a fraction of a second before locking back onto yours. "You like it there?"
Your heart squeezed.
Yes, you thought, but it doesn't feel like home.
Instead of saying it out loud, you looked away, answering softly, "I guess I do."
You turned your eyes back to him. Frankie was still looking at you, wearing a small encouraging smile. But you couldn't mirror it. There was something heavy sitting deep in your chest that anchored your lips in place.
Frankie noticed. "When Harry met Sally, uh?"
That pulled a small laugh from you. You shook your head.
Seeing your reaction, Frankie shook his head too, a chuckle escaping him as he quickly backpedaled. "No, no. They met in Chicago. Forget I said that."
You leaned your elbow against the car door, resting your face in your hand as you turned to look out the passenger window. The lingering smile stayed on your lips for a few seconds as the car moved forward, but it slowly began to fade, melting away into the quiet streets.
Beside you, Frankie just drove. He didn't push for more conversation or try to fill the space with words. He simply let the silence settle between you, steering through the night as the landscape outside started to blur into something increasingly familiar.
Willâs house wasn't far now. Just a few more blocks, a couple of turns, and this ride would be over.
And right then, a sudden ache hit you: you didn't want it to end.
The realization washed over you quietly, almost catching you off guard, of just how desperately you had missed this. Just being near him, sharing the same space, even wrapped in these sometime-uncomfortable silences.
You watched the streetlights sweep across the dashboard in waves, wishing the car would slow down, wishing the blocks would stretch out, just to keep the outside world away for a little longer.
But no matter how much you wished you could control time, sometimes wanting to speed it up, other times desperate to slow it down, the reality was that it just kept moving.
And while your heart hammered against your ribs like an untamed creature, craving more of him, Willâs house suddenly appeared ahead.
Frankie pulled the car into the driveway, bringing the ride to a final stop.
A beat later, he let out a quiet sigh and unbuckled his seatbelt, the click signaling the end of the line. The headlights caught the front window of Willâs house.
Your eyes drifted to him then. He glanced at Santi, still dead to the world in the back, before turning his face to yours.
"Frankie," you breathed, and the name felt forbidden on your tongue.
He didn't speak, but the slight tension in his brow gave him away. His hands remained clamped at the top of the steering wheel.
"I'm so sorry for everything that happened to you," you said, knowing this probably wasn't the right time or the right place, but utterly unable to hold it in any longer. "About Henry, and... and everything that came after."
The silence stretched.
Frankie swallowed, giving a single nod. "Thank you."
"And it makes me real happy that you're doing better now."
A ghost of a smile touched his lips, but his eyes stayed entirely dark. His gaze drifted down, anchoring somewhere between the two of you, as if measuring the distance that had grown since you left.
His hand twitched on the wheel, a microscopic movement toward you that he stopped just in time.
"Thank you."
You nodded.
Frankie seemed to hesitate. "And I... I'm so sorry," he murmured, his brown eyes lifting back to yours. "For hurting you and⊠and letting you down. You didn't deserve what I did to you."
You didn't offer an easy reassurance. You just let out a slow nod.
"And I'm really happy you're doing what you love," he added, his voice flattening out as he forced a smile. It was a tight, fragile thing. "I have no doubt everyone is gonna love your book."
You swallowed the lump in your throat. "Thank you."
Frankieâs smile faltered, dropping for a fraction of a second before he held it back up.
"And New York..." He trailed off, his gaze slipping from yours to look down at his own lap.
In that brief second of detachment, your eyes scanned his face with a desperate quiet hunger, memorizing him all over again. You traced the familiar slope of his nose, the soft curve of his mouth, the tiny lines around his eyes that hadnât been there a year ago, the new marks on his face. You searched every single feature, hunting for a crack in his armor, looking for a hidden twitch, a shadow of hesitation, anything that said stay.
But Frankie just gave a soft shake of his head, looking back up. His expression was clear and almost painfully serene.
"I'm sure New York loves you too," he said softly. "Itâs a big city, but it fits you. Youâre gonna do amazing things there."
A cold ache settled deep into your stomach.
Was this encouragement? Was this a gentle nudge out the door? Was he clearing the path for you, sweeping away the debris?
A sudden winter seemed to settle inside the small cabin of the car. You forced a nod, your eyes drifting back to the dashboard where the green light of the clock kept ticking forward.
"Yeah," you breathed. "Thank you, Frankie."
He unclasped his hands from the steering wheel, the leather letting out a soft stick and release sound that felt incredibly loud. And the space between your seats suddenly felt like an ocean.
You looked straight ahead and unbuckled your seatbelt, the snap breaking the trance. "We should probably get Santi inside."
Without waiting for a response, you pushed the car door open and stepped out, your lungs begging for air.
You took a deep grounding breath of the cool night wind as you walked toward the front porch. Pressing the doorbell, you could hear the heavy thud of Frankieâs door closing behind you.
Emma opened the door almost instantly.
"Hey," she whispered, stepping outside and crossing her arms against the chill. "Will and Benny are already passed out. What happened? How's Santi?"
"Nothing," you said, turning back toward the car where Frankie was gently shaking Santiâs shoulder. "Santi was just at the park. Everything's fine."
Emma nodded, watching as Frankie carefully hauled a groaning Santi out of the backseat. You stepped in, grabbing your brother's other arm to stabilize him.
"Careful," you murmured.
Santi blinked heavily, a goofy smile spreading across his face as he looked at you.
"I'm careful," he slurred.
The three of you shuffled toward the porch in an awkward synchronized stumble, Frankie carrying most of Santi's dead weight while you guided his steps. Emma stepped aside, holding the front door wide open to let the makeshift rescue team pass.
"Will and Ben are in the living room," Emma guided quietly, shutting the door behind you. "You can take him straight to the bedroom."
"Alright, keep your feet steady, man," Frankie muttered to Santi, adjusting his grip around his torso.
Santi let out a low grunt, his sneakers dragging lazily against the hardwood floor.
"Why didn't you tell her?" he mumbled into the space between them.
You frowned, staring at your brother. Just then, Santi rolled his head back to look at you, his eyes unfocused but teasing. "He didn't... he didn't."
Frankie didn't acknowledge it, his face a mask of focus as they reached the open bedroom door. He placed a firm hand on Santiâs back, guiding him over the threshold.
"C'mon. Bedtime."
Santi paused for a second in the middle of the room, clumsily tugging at the zipper of his jacket.
"It's too fucking hot in here," he muttered.
A soft chuckle escaped Frankieâs lips. You watched them from the doorway, leaning against the frame with your arms crossed, forcing a faint hollow smile that didn't reach your eyes.
"Hey."
Turning around, you found Emma standing a few feet away in the dimly lit hallway. You stepped out of the room, giving Frankie and Santi some space.
"What's the plan?" she asked softly.
"We're heading back to Yov's," you replied. "Frankie's staying with the guys."
Emma searched your face, her eyes lingering a bit too long. "You sure?"
"Yeah."
You slipped back into the bedroom. Santi was already sprawled out on the mattress, his jacket and shoes discarded on the floor, while Frankie pulled a thick blanket up to his chest.
"All good?" you asked quietly.
Frankie nodded, looking down at him. "Look at him. Like a baby."
You swallowed the tightness in your throat and walked out toward the living room. Emma was already on one of the armchairs. Across from her, Will and Benny were sound asleep on the couches, buried under a messy pile of blankets and breathing heavily.
"I'll call an Uber," you said, pulling out your phone.
Emma nodded. "Your mom texted me, by the way. Asked how long we were going to be. I told her we got held up because you had a stomach ache."
A small, tired smile tugged at your lips. "Right. Did she buy it?"
"Seems like it," Emma said, shrugging her shoulders.
You nodded, your fingers moving quickly across the screen to confirm the Uber ride, while the soft snores of the Millers drifted from the couches. Emma watched you in silence for a beat.
"Iâm completely sober now," Emma noted quietly.
You offered a tight smile. "Me too. The scare Santi gave me cleared the alcohol right outta my system."
On your screen, a driver accepted the ride, the map showing he was only two minutes away.
"Iâll text mom to let her know weâre on our way," you said, just as Frankie walked back into the living room.
"Santi's already snoring," he said, leaning his shoulder against the doorframe. "I don't think heâll wake up until noon tomorrow."
"Yeah, well, neither will these two," Emma whispered, gesturing with her chin toward Will and Ben. "How much did they even drink? Weren't you supposed to have other plans after the bar?"
Frankie shook his head. "I lost count. Benny got a little too excited ordering rounds."
"You gotta work tomorrow?" Emma asked.
Frankie shook his head slightly. "Yeah, but not until after ten."
In the heavy silence that followed, you listened to their casual back and forth, the ordinary words mapping out a life you were no longer part of. You bit the inside of your cheek, keeping your eyes glued to the glowing screen of your phone.
"Too much work tomorrow?" Emma asked, leaning back against the cushions.
Frankie shook his head, pulling his phone out of his pocket. "Nah, not really."
You let out a quiet sigh. Shifting your weight, you stepped away from the living room without a word, slipping back into the dim hallway toward the room where Santi was sleeping.
As you walked, you caught a movement from the corner of your eye. You glanced back and saw Frankie watching you from the living room, his dark eyes tracking your retreat. You met his gaze for barely a second before turning your head away, focusing entirely on your brother.
It's fine, you thought. What did you really expect?
You had known that coming back to Austin meant facing Frankie, and facing Frankie meant clearing up a few things. But you couldn't pretend that the world had been on pause all this time. You couldn't expect him to show more than he already had. Because no matter how many feelings you still harbored for him, or how many he kept for you, if he even had any left; time had kept moving. And maybe... maybe this was just it. The end of the line.
The phone vibrated in your hand. The Uber was outside: Eric, dark grey Toyota Camry.
Casting one last look at Santi, you stepped closer to the bed and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. He barely stirred, completely and deeply asleep.
By the time you reached the living room, Emma was already standing by the door, her bag slung over her shoulder. "Ready, babe?"
You nodded, tightly crossing your arms against your chest.
You couldn't bring yourself to look directly at Frankie, but you could feel his gaze burning into your profile; he was standing just to your left.
"Okay," Emma murmured, twisting the doorknob and pulling the front door open.
You stepped out first, your feet moving automatically as if you suddenly couldn't bear to be in his vicinity for a single second longer.
The night air hit your face like a splash of cold water, but it wasn't enough to clear the suffocating feeling in your chest.
"Tell Yov I say hi," Frankieâs voice drifted from inside.
Only when Emma stepped out onto the porch beside you did you finally turn your head to look at him. Frankieâs eyes locked onto yours, intense and searching, but you didn't say anything; you just offered a small fleeting smile, turning on your heel before it could fade.
Walking down the driveway toward the car waiting by the curb, you didn't look back. Not before getting into the car, not after the door clicked shut, and definitely not through the window as the engine revved and the house began to recede into the darkness.
The only thing you knew for certain was that you desperately needed a glass or two of that champagne. Or maybe something a lot stronger.
"Hey," Emmaâs voice broke through the quiet, her fingers touching your forearm. "Whatâs wrong? Did something happen?"
You shook your head, trying to swallow the lump in your throat, but your body betrayed you completely. Your eyes burned, blurring with hot tears, and your mouth trembled, puckering into a soft painful grimace.
"Hey," Emma repeated, her fingers tightening just a fraction.
"It's over," you whispered. You didn't sob. You didn't break down. But your mouth trembled as the hot tears finally spilled over, tracks of quiet fire burning down your cheeks.
Pairing: Jackson Joel Miller x Doctor Female Reader
Chapter Rating: Explicit. 18+ (Minors DNI)
Chapter Summary: You close your eyes, tip your face up towards the setting sun of the last day of your honeymoon. Itâs like youâre already imagining all of the quiet evenings youâll spend out here. Maybe youâll knit. Maybe youâll read. Or maybe youâll just sit and rock the night away, listening to the wind and community that you heal every day. Joel will be right there with you, his hand in yours, as the comfortable silence brings you peace. This might just be Joelâs favorite gift ever.
Chapter Warnings: two people madly in love and being domestic, boggle, ellie and joel getting their happily ever afters, idk just cozy all over, smut, p in v, joel eating pussy because your girl is stressed
Words: 4,500
A/N: One chapter left?! Hello?! My thanks to @schnarfer, @mothandpidgeon and @sin-djarin for reading and dealing with me. Also, icymi, please look at the gorgeous art @valevntine created of Doc and Joel living their peaceful, happy life in Jackson. Thank you, as always, for reading and being so patient as I take my time on these final chapters.
Healed Masterlist | Healed Playlist | Healed, The Video Edit | AO3
Masterlist
Previous Chapter
â-
The walls of Jackson come into view, worn wood and dulled iron, and Joel feels so different as he rides through the same gates heâs passed through hundreds of times, because itâs never been like this⊠never with you seated behind him, arms around his waist, your wedding ring pressing against his stomach through his shirt. Never with the sweet and sun-drenched memories of the honeymoon still fresh in his mind.
Jackson has never felt more like home.
The guard nods, calls out a welcome, and says something about newlyweds as you both ride through the gates. Jackson opens before him⊠the roads, the buildings, the side streets, the sound of children playingâa life heâd thought was gone for good.
The gate reminds him of another return, another homecoming. Walking down the mountain after Salt Lake, blood stiff on his shirt, Ellieâs soft âokayâ radiating through his head as the lie took root. Heâd carried that lie through these same gates, let it settle into the bones of his life here. That was the kind of homecoming where the ghost haunting you walks right beside you. But this is nothing like that, not when his second chance at life is sitting behind him with her arms wrapped around his waist.
Tommyâs waiting by the stables, leaning against the fence with that half-shit-eating grin that says heâs been planning something. He straightens when he sees you, waves a hand up, and shouts a âWelcome home!â
The sun is just beginning to set as you walk home through Jackson. People wave and nod, calling out congratulations as you go down the street. A woman from the mess hall shouts something about what a beautiful couple you make, and Joel nods, his hand on the small of your back. You reach back and squeeze his hand. Being seen with you, knowing others know about the love you share, will always be something heâs grateful for.
He still expects, sometimes, that this all canât be real, that this is all a mirage of happiness and love, and he had truly paid the price. But you are real and at his side.
Joelâs lips twitch in a slight smile when he sees his house for the first time in a week, and he takes in all the signs of his life rebuilt: the Mr. & Mrs. Miller banner still hung across the garage, Sarahâs garden blooming bright and violet, and the surprise he spots before you do.Â
Thereâs a second rocking chair on the porch. It sits beside his, a bit slimmer and taller than his, but the same dark, worn wood with the same gentle, comfortable curve to the armsâa perfect match in apocalypse terms.
âOh my god!â you gasp, stopping in your tracks.
âSurprise,â Tommy says.
You beam all delighted and gorgeous at Joel. He grins in return before you bound quickly up to the porch, dropping into the rocking chair, hands running along the smooth wooden arms, and when you look up at Joel, your smile is so wide itâs almost like you were always meant to wind up right here in this chair on this porch.
Tommy claps Joel on the shoulder. âMariaâs idea. Figured she needed an actual chair out here.â
Joel nods, once in answer, and Tommy nods back. Theyâve never needed more than that.
You close your eyes, tip your face up towards the setting sun of the last day of your honeymoon. Itâs like youâre already imagining all of the quiet evenings youâll spend out here. Maybe youâll knit. Maybe youâll read. Or maybe youâll just sit and rock the night away, listening to the wind and community that you heal every day. Joel will be right there with you, his hand in yours, as the comfortable silence brings you peace. This might just be Joelâs favorite gift ever.
âThank you,â Joel says, and Tommyâs smile says he understands everything those two words contain.
Tommy leaves you two with a last âwelcome home,â and Joel settles next to you in his own chair, the wood creaking in unison with yours.
He thinks of those first times you joined him on the porch, you wheeling him out into the cool night air. The scent of pine and your sweet vanilla smell filling his lungs, a second chance he could breathe in. Even then, he thinks, he had loved you.
Eventually, you turn to him. âI want to see Jefferson,â you say.
When Joel steps inside his home, he takes the cluttered coziness in. The jackets on the hooks, wedding gifts still sitting atop the dining room table, a knitted mouse on Jeffersonâs cat tree, the wooden animals heâs carved on the mantle, and the sage drying in the kitchen window. His house. Your house.
You donât even get to call out for Jefferson, a meow bursts down the hall, the black and white streak comes tearing around the corner from the kitchen. He circles your ankle with an accusing meow, and you scoop him up. The cat rattles in your arms, purring so loud that Joel can hear it all the way from the doorway.
You bury your face in his soft fur. âMissed you too, buddy.â
Joel crosses the room and rubs a thumb along Jeffersonâs chin. The cat leans in, green eyes half-closed in bliss.
You look up at him, Jefferson held in your arms, and your face bright with happiness and love. âWeâre home.â
Joel nods. âWeâre home.â
After all the losses, the narrow misses, the nights spent alone wondering if heâd ever feel anything but hollow again. And now this, a second rocking chair on the porch. A cat purring in your arms. Your eyes on his. Everything heâs ever wanted.
Itâs good to be home.
â-
The clinic door is heavier than you remember. Your first day back. Your first day as clinic head. The title feels too big, too important, but you reassure yourself that Dr. V and the rest of Jackson believe in you.Â
Patient after patient makes the morning go so quickly that you barely have a chance to feel overwhelmed. You check pulses, you listen to lungs, you make notes in your journal. Every person sends you congratulations, whether itâs for your new title or your new husband. By eleven, the rhythm is coming back. Your hands still know what to do even when it seems like your brain is still honeymooning.
When you take your lunch break, Joelâs already in your office, tote bag in hand, adjusting the small Jefferson carving he made, setting it just right under the lamp on the desk.
You walk into his arms, humming happily at the warmth of your husband. âMy doctor. Iâm so proud of you,â he whispers, low adoring voice meant just for you. âReally am, baby.â
You laugh a shaky sound. âIâm a little nervous,â you admit.
He pulls back just enough to look you in the eye. âDonât be,â he says. âYouâre amazing.â
You believe him, because he says it like itâs a fact everyone knows, like the sky is blue and water is wet, and you are amazing.
Joel pulls out two sandwiches, and you have your own private lunch date in your office. He tells you about all the construction updates from when you two were gone, and you tell him how the clinic fared without you.
When your short lunch time is over, he hugs you tight and kisses you so softly you almost forget that you have a whole afternoon left to get through. âSee you at home,â he whispers against your lips before he leaves.
The day speeds through after that. More patients, more congratulations, more notes scribbled. And when the clock ticks to five, and you slip off the white coat, youâve survived your first day as clinic head.
You walk home, messenger bag slung over your shoulder, and a wide smile on your lips that you donât even try to hide. Because here is the thing, the thing that still feels impossible: you are leaving your clinic, and you are going home to your husband in your house. Itâs something that used to be so ordinary, but now, itâs a miracle.
Your house is quiet when you open the door. No music, no guitar, no sound of Joel in the kitchen. Just the soft tick of the clock on the mantel.
âJoel?â you call, hanging your bag on the hook by the door.
âUp here!â he shouts from upstairs.
You follow his voice and find him standing in the doorway of what used to be your bedroom. He steps aside without a word and reveals that your old bed is gone and the room has completely changed. The desk has been moved to the middle of the room, with a chair pulled up to it. Thereâs a bookshelf in the corner, already filled with your few medical books and journals, their spines aligned by size that only Joel would have taken the time to organize. Under the window, thereâs a small table holding a few of your potted herbs with a few empty pots for more.
âWow,â you breathe and then repeat when you fully step into the room. Your own office.
Small tears begin to shed from your eyes when you turn and launch yourself at Joel. You hug him, pressing your face into his chest, and his arms band around you, squeezing you tight.
âLike it?â he asks.
You pull back, and the grin. âSo much.â
âWanted you to have a place to work,â he says. âKnow youâre gonna be busier.â
âThank you,â you choke.
He kisses your forehead. âYouâre welcome, baby.â
You stand in your new office with your husbandâs arms around you. This is what it means to be known. To be seen. To have someone look at everything in your life and build you your own space to help contain it.
Youâll spend hours at this desk. Youâll search your journals, write your notes, research, worry about patients, figure out treatments, and deal with the thousand small failures that come with trying to heal people in a world like this.
But for now, youâll just stand here, held by your husband, in the quiet golden light of the evening and let yourself be grateful for this moment, this room, this man, and everything heâs given you.
â-
Joel can hear the pen working against the paper when he stands outside your office, with a cup of tea in his hand. Youâve been in there since dinner, three hours at least.
He knocks softly at the doorjamb, two taps of his knuckles, and you look up. The tiny smile you gift him leaves him briefly unable to remember what he came here for. Youâre so beautiful.
Three books are lying open on the desk, pages marked with scraps of paper and your journal is a sprawl of handwriting. Youâve been busy.
âFigured youâd like a cup,â he says, setting the mug beside your elbow.
âThanks, baby,â you say.
He hears the frayed edge in your voice and asks, âHowâs it going?â
He moves behind your chair and places his hands on your shoulders, and as expected, youâre tight and tense. He rubs, working his fingers into your knots, and you answer his massage with a groan of relief.
Your pen taps against the journal. âIâve narrowed it down. Is it GERD? Peptic ulcers? God, what if itâs her gallbladder?â You sigh. âItâs just⊠some of the best treatments arenât available to us.â
Joel nods like he understands, though he has zero clue what youâre saying. But he understands the frustration in your voice, the way your shoulders are already tensing again under his hands. He works his thumbs deeper, feels a knot give way, and you moan a sound that makes that familiar heat pool low in his belly.
âI know youâre doinâ your best,â he says. âAnd everyone knows that.â
Your head bows, shoulders slumping, and drop your pen. âThe text is beginning to swim,â you say, rubbing your eyes.
He spins your chair around. His bad knee protests with a familiar ache as he crouches, bracing his hands on the arms of the chair to crowd into your space. âThen, let me take you to bed,â he says, âand you can get up early tomorrow if you want.â
âYou donât have to convince me.â Youâre up in a split second, clicking the lamp off. Joel takes your hand and pulls you down the hallway.
He lays you down on the bed gently. Heâd be lying if he said he hasnât been thinking about this since the moment you disappeared into your office tonight⊠especially when youâre only clad in a pair of flimsy pajama shorts and one of his old tees. Joel crawls across the mattress, propping himself over you. He could stare at you for hours, take in all of your beauty, and memorize every tiny, gorgeous detail of you. His wife, his future, his happiness, already melting for him, body rolling under his.
He hooks his fingers in the waistband of your shorts, tugging them down, palm dragging up the length of your leg. He pushes your shirt up, baring your tits, and he leaves open-mouth kisses down your chest, your stomach, running his tongue in hollows as he makes his way down your body. He cradles your foot, presses a kiss to your ankle before he moves to your other leg, kissing his way back up the inside of your calf and your knee. He kneads your thighs, massaging the tension out, working his way closer.
âYou work hard, baby, you deserve to relax,â he grits, lying down between your legs, face pressed in the cradle of your thighs. He breathes you in, all warm and musky and sweet, and he canât resist you any longer. His tongue runs along your cunt, parting you with his mouth, a groan leaves him, eyes fluttering shut because he just canât get over how good you taste, how perfect your body responds to his mouth. God, he loves you.
Your fingers twist in the curls of his hair, and he thinks to himself heâd like to skip the haircut heâs due for later this week, wanting you to always pull on the loose waves at the nape of his neck. He wills with every lap of his tongue against your clit for you to forget every patient, every worry, every page of the open books left on your desk.
Youâre definitely forgetting, because youâre so greedy for him tonight, hands braced on his head as your hips roll. He lets you ride his face, he goes on and on, happily drowning in the taste of you and the desperate sounds youâre keening out. Your thighs tense around his head, and you gasp that little high-pitched noise that tells him youâre close. He groans against your puffy, needy pussy, and you cum with a gasp of his name, and god what a sound.
It only makes him want more of you. He kisses his way up your belly, up the hollow of your throat until his lips meet yours. Youâre reaching, helping him slide his own pajama pants down, and he rests his cock right there in the crook between your legs, waiting, just looking down at you and your lovedrunk face, all soft with heavy eyelids and a little smile.
He runs his length along you, dipping in between your legs, covering himself with your desire before he slowly pushes into you. Christ, he loves the way you wrap your legs around him. His hand slides under your head, cradling you, tilting your mouth up to kiss him as he fucks you slow and deep, letting each thrust press out the last of your stress.
Your arms twine around his neck, nails digging into his back, and he lets you pull him closer, lets you bite his shoulder when he sinks his cock deeper into your heat. He buries his face in your throat, wanting to be as close to you as he can. Chanting your name, he tells you over and over how good you feel, how pretty you are, how heâd do anything for you, always.
Youâre already tensing, another orgasm building, and when you shatter again, he fucks you through it as you sob his name all drowning and needy, itâs the only thing he wants to hear for the rest of his life. You clench and pulse around him, pulling him right to the edge, as his hips stutter, breath catching.Â
Pelvis grinding against you, Joel cums, spilling inside you with a groan that rattles his whole body. He tightens then slacks, before he collapses against you, catching his weight on his forearms. He just breathes, face pressed into your neck, smelling the heady scent of sweat, sex, and you. Your heartbeat is hammering, and itâs a shared race.
âJoel,â you whisper.
He kisses your throat, your jaw, the corner of your mouth. âYeah, baby?â
You donât answer with words, just a smile and a curl of your fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck. Thatâs enough of an answer.Â
He shifts, rolling onto his side and pulls you against his chest. You tuck yourself against him, leg hooked over his hip. He strokes your back, kisses your forehead, feels the way your breathing slows. You look up at him, and he can see the relaxation in your face, the relief that wasnât there before, and it fills him with a pride heâs only known since loving you.
âBetter?â he asks, lips against your forehead.
You nod. âMuch,â you giggle.
He smiles, arms tightening around you as he relaxes in the peaceful haze of this beautiful life he shares with you.Â
â-
No huge disasters happen during your first few weeks at the clinic, just a lot of congratulations, patients, mysteries you can solve, and a steady build of confidence. By the end of the second week, you feel like youâve earned the title of Clinic Head, and it stops feeling like your imposter syndrome might just swallow you whole. People tell you youâre doing well, and you actually believe them.
The routine establishes itself without fanfare. You wake up every morning to a kiss on your forehead and a cup of tea or coffee in Joelâs hand. Heâs already been awake, adamant on making you breakfast. Most of the time, itâs eggs, sometimes potatoes, sometimes toast or bacon if theyâre available that week. He always sets the plate in front of you, with another kiss against your forehead, before he serves himself. You both eat, you a little slower than he, and when heâs done, he scoots his chair back, watching you with that exact softness in his eyes that still, even after all this time, makes you feel loved and adored.
He walks you to work, carrying your bag, his hand against the small of your back or in your hand as you walk together down the road toward the clinic. He leaves you with a kiss, no matter whoâs watching, and you watch him head to work, broad back moving through the crowd, standing out amongst your fellow Jacksonians. You donât open the clinic door until he turns at the corner and raises a hand and sends you a wink in farewell.
Work is work. Every patient, illness, and cure is vital because itâs part of the thousand small ailments of a community trying to survive. You suture cuts, you set bones, you mix tinctures. Thereâs a rhythm of healing⊠hurried or slowed, you respond to every beat.Â
Steven, Wendy, Linda, and Dr. Vâwhenever he pulls himself away from retirementâare a godsend. Youâve even taken on a couple of new apprentices, includingâto your surpriseâDina. She shadows you with an intense focus, proving herself a quick study and a natural healer.
Most days, around noon, Joel appears in your office, lunch in a tote bag, and a doting smile on his face. You eat together at your desk, and you tell each other about your mornings. Ordinary things⊠things you never thought would matter to anyone. But they do. They matter to him, and you.
Some evenings you donât leave the clinic until late, depending on the patient loads, but your home is always your salvation. Dinner cooked by one of you while the other sets the table. You wash dishes side by side, clean up the kitchen, and fold the laundry. Domestic bliss is in everything you do, especially when Joel is right by you.
The best parts of your day are once the sun hides behind the mountains, the curtains are shut, and the fire in the hearth is lit. The couch, a blanket pulled across both of your laps, Jefferson on your lap, purring as you pet him. Your shoulder is always home to Joelâs arm, hand resting against your skin, thumb tracing idle circles on your skin.
Sometimes thereâs a movie playing on the TV, maybe if youâre lucky, itâs a newly scavenged movie from the library. Sometimes itâs a book shared between you two, or a single one in each of your palms. Sometimes Joel carves, and you knit, the sounds of your progress soundtracked across the living room. Sometimes you just watch the fire, or let your eyes trace the lines of Joelâs profile in the flickering light. You relish these nights, the particular peace of having nowhere to be.
Itâs peaceful. Itâs wonderful. Something you once thought had been burned out of the world along with everything else. Itâs a simple, unremarkable happiness. A routine. An ordinary life built every day, in a house on a road in a town behind walls, with a man who makes you eggs in the morning and holds you on the couch at night, and transformed a bedroom into an office because he wanted you to have a place of your own.
This is enough. This is more than enough. This is everything.
â-
Boggle, Scrabble, Clue, Sorry. A stack of board games Joel has saved in the back of the closet for a rainy day⊠or a perfect housewarming gift for Ellie and Dina.
Their house sits only a short walk down two streets. Itâs a narrow, gray two-story with blue trim and window boxes that you mention youâll help Dina fill with herbs. It already looks lived in, with the glow of the lamplight and Sally looking out the screen door.
You knock on the doorframe. He stands at your shoulder, games under one arm, a wrapped stack of cookies in his other hand. He hears the scrape of a chair against the hardwood floor he just helped repair last month, and someone says something, then footsteps.
The screen door swings open, and Ellieâs face is wide and bright, clad in her trusty flannel shirt with the sleeves pushed up to her elbows. She looks happy, genuinely, ridiculously happy. Her eyes drop to the cloth-wrapped stack in his hands, and her eyes widen. Her mouth opens a little.
âAre thoseââ
âGingersnaps,â you say.
âOh my god. Get in here, come in, come in.â
Dina has set the table. Thereâs a cloth on it, candles lit in the middle, and thereâs a savory smell of roasted chicken and sweet corn coming from the kitchen. Joel sets the games on the side table near the door and follows you in, taking in how much Ellie and Dina have already accomplished. There are already framed drawings of Ellieâs on one wall, a selection of carved horses Joel made for her on the mantel, and the scarves youâve knitted for Ellie and Dina hanging from a coat hook by the door.
It looks like a home.
âSmells good,â he says when Dina comes out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a towel.
âChicken,â Dina says. âAnd corn, and potatoes. Nothing fancy.â
âNothing fancy is good,â you say, and Dina grins.
Joel settles into the chair at the table, you to his left. He watches Ellie move around her home with Dina, watches the way she leans against the kitchen counter while Dina dishes things out. Itâs so different for her now.
He thinks about the strange arithmetic of family. Ellie wasnât born his. She had a mother she never knew, she had Marlene, a whole history before she ever wound up in his and Tessâs hands. But somewhere between that and this table, something shifted. Sheâs now his daughter. Thereâs no other word for it.
He watches her argue with Dina about whether the corn is better on or off the cob, watches her take the last piece of chicken off the serving plate, and wipes her hands on her jeans.
His daughter.
His daughter, who, after dinner, has finished half the plate of cookies all by herself. Next to the half-eaten platter of cookies, Boggle sits on the table, and as Joel expected, heâs losing. Horribly.
He stares at the letters. They stare back at him. He writes down cat. He writes down act. He even tries tac. He stares some more.
He writes down tact. Thatâs probably three points. He looks over at you, and your pen is moving fast.
The timer runs out.
The reading off starts. You go first, a long list of words, and Ellie scoffs every time you read out a word sheâd also found. Dina has a solid list. Ellieâs is shorter than she wants it to be, he can see it in the line of her jaw.
He reads his list last. Four words.
âThatâs it?â Ellie asks.
âThatâs it,â he nods.
Dinaâs the first to laugh helplessly into her hand. Youâre biting your lip with a hidden smile. Ellieâs shoulders begin to rock up and down as she giggles her high-pitched squeak. He keeps his face straight for a second, until he also breaks, and the sound of laughter fills the little house on the street two over from his.
You win. Of course, you win. You announce it, with your hands pumping in the air, and Ellie points at you and says, âOf course the doctor wins!â, and you thank her.
Joel watches all of it. He never expected to have this. A table with people he loves around it. His daughter reaching for another cookie that his wife baked for her.
He reaches under the table and takes your hand. You squeeze back without looking up.
Ellie hugs him tight when the night is over, his arms wrap around her, and his chin rests atop her head. âThanks for coming over,â she says.Â
âOf course, Kiddo, wouldnât miss it for the world.âÂ
He watches you hug Ellie just as tight, and promise her youâll show her how to make the gingersnaps she loves so much.Â
This is everything. He doesnât know any better word for it. He doesnât need one.
Pairing: Jackson Joel Miller x Doctor Female Reader
Chapter Rating: Explicit. 18+ (Minors DNI)
Chapter Summary: Heâs never felt so strong, so wanted, as he does when youâre under him and he fucks you through an orgasm, and then another, until your sobs echo across the meadow over the rain. He laps at the side of your throat, sucking the rain from your skin, and when he cums, itâs with a growl, teeth scraping your collarbone as he spills inside you.
Chapter Warnings: only joel's pov, smut, unprotected p in v sex, unprotected anal sex, pussy licking, fingering, ass fingering, in the words of @mothandpidgeon "time for mallory's rain kink", sex in a meadow, restraints, soft dom joel, joel sings my favorite george harrison song because fuck you i can write what i want, come step into my delusions
Words: 5,850
A/N: I vowed to finish Healed and post it all, no matter what's going on inside/outside this site, and I will keep myself to that. Thank you to @mothandpidgeon for her eyes and love, even if I eat frozen foods that should be cooked. Two chapters left.
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Previous Chapter
â-
What is this freedom called? Joel hasnât worn anything more than his boxers in days, and this morning itâs not any different. And you, goodness, youâve been living in only your robe and tiny dresses, and itâs the best wedding gift he couldâve ever received.
He holds his second cup of coffee, a midafternoon treat, gifted by Ellie and Dina for the honeymoon, and when he glances out the window, he loses his breath. Heâs seen you naked hundreds of times, but nothing ever prepares him for it. Youâve gone ahead and shucked your dress, opting to sunbathe naked on the porch. It feels like the sunlight is going to blind himâthe way it shines off your bare skin, stretched out on an old towel.
Good god, he loves his honeymoon.
He reaches down, past the waistband, cups himself, cock already aching at just one look at you. Youâre not even moving, just basking in the sun, eyes closed, ankles crossed, chest rising slow. Your wedding ring glints as you lift your hand to scratch at your sternum, and the pink-gemmed stone glows against your skin.
He watches, ogles even. You must feel his eyes on you, because your hand moves, smoothing along your thigh, then between your legs, all casual as anything, as if youâre not the most beautiful thing heâs ever seen.
He toes open the sliding glass door and steps out onto the deck, coffee in hand, boxers tented with need. âJesus Christ, baby,â he growls.
You open one eye, lift your face to the sun with a lazy smile. âHi,â you say, and thenâfuck himâyou stretch your arms overhead, and his mouth waters.
He stares, quite rudely. Youâve got a bottle of oil in your hand⊠some sort of fragrant thing Wendy made you. You open it, pour a thin line straight down the center of your body, let it pool and run around your navel, then spread your palm wide and rub it slow, up one hip and down the other. Your hands trail up your sides, fingers running over your breasts, playing with your nipples.
He means for a chuckle, but it comes out as a whimper, and heâs already on the first step down when you lift your hand to stop him.
âNot yet, youâll block out my sun,â you tease, hands dragging down your thighs, legs parting wider, heels dug into the towel to gift him a good look at your pussy. You pick the oil up, let a stream run down your stomach to your mound, it pools across your skin, and you rub it in, letting your fingers slip and trace circles across your cunt. Youâre a slick mess for him, hips rolling as you begin to touch yourself.
He canât help but stroke his cock, throbbing when he presses some relief into it, but you know⊠eyes snapping open, a temptuous smile on your lips. âNo, baby. You can have your fun later. Just watch me.â
He wants to protest, but heâs never been so transfixed in his life. The restraint it takes to drop his hand is superhuman. You keep your legs spread, one hand circling your clit, the other splaying oil along your ribs and up to your throat, as if you were anointed. The pink wedding band beckons, bright against your finger as it moves over your pussy.
Coffeeâs getting cold, but he holds onto the cup as if without it, heâll float away from you. Heâs sweating, feels like heâs shaking from the restraint, from the need to spread you wide open and know you.
Youâre moaning, hips rocking up off the faded green towel. Heâs obsessed with the way he can tell your whole body is clenching and releasing as you begin to fuck yourself with more urgency, panting his name. âFuck, Joel. Fuck, Joel. Fuck, Joel,â floats up and out into the vast wilderness.
The muscles in his back and arms are so tight, he can hardly breathe, hand clenched around the mug, and his boxers grow wet from the steady leak of precum he wants to grip more and more out of.
âDo you want to fuck me, Mr. Miller?â you say it deadpan, head turned so youâre looking at him through your lashes.
He lets out a âYes,â almost a bark.
âYou want to put your cock in me, Mr. Miller?â
He nods, jaw too tight, tongue thick in his mouth. You keep up the torture, fucking yourself with two fingers, thumb pressing your clit. Your breathing turns into little gasps and you stare him down. You know exactly what youâre doing to him, it drives him even madder.
âWhen I let you. I want you to fuck me hard, Mr. Miller. Can you do that for me?â
He nods again, frantic now. âAnything. Just tell me what you want.â
You smile, lift your legs, and part your knees wide. The slick shine of oil and wet glistens, and you fuck yourself with two fingers, drawing them out and showing him how shiny they are.
âI want you to bend me over that railing,â you nod at the deck rail, âand fuck me hard. I want you to smack my ass, call me a good girl as you cum in me.â
He loses it and groans as his back turns to jelly.
Your face sets in determination as you slip your fingers out of you. You get on your knees, reaching your hand up. âNow, come here.â
His mug teeters on the edge of the table he tossed it on, coffee splashed across the withered wood. In two strides, he crosses the deck, takes your shiny fingers into his mouth, and tastes the sweet slick of you. You work his boxers down and off, and he grunts against your fingers when you take his hard cock into your mouth. Your tongue is warm and swirling as you suck him off, tasting his desperation for you. He hits the back of your throat, your chin shines with spit, hungry eyes staring up at him. Joelâs fingers slip into your hair, resting, anchoring himself to you. He canât breathe, canât even fucking think, his world is just this: the hot sun blazing down, the wet choke of your throat, your hands planted on his thighs, his fingers through your hair.
You pull off him, mouth leaking a sticky trail of spit and precum as you grin, tongue out, and slap his cock against it. Itâs almost cruel in the way his legs begin to shake and he groans. He wants to beg, fall to his knees and worship you, his perfect bride, but you take his cock back, slower, letting the head of his cock drag over your tongue, sucking the crown. Joelâs hands tighten in your hair, and he can feel every muscle in his arm clench as he fights the urge to push farther, to fuck your mouth full of his cum.
âFuck, baby. Fuck, youâreââ he chokes when you take him deep again and pull off with a gasp. His eyes grasp shut, and all he can see, hear, and feel is his need for you. He fights the pooling low in his belly, reaches for your shoulders. You read him, letting his cock drag out of your mouth, letting him haul you up and kiss you, sucking the taste of himself from your tongue and lips.
He picks the towel up from the deck, places it against the splintered railing, and bends you over it. The angle is perfect, your feet spread wide, your pussy presented to him like a masterpiece. He grabs the oil, pours a river down the crease of your ass, letting it cascade down across your pretty pussy. He runs his hands over you, smearing the oil across your skin, dipping in and out between your legs.
Back and forth, Joel rubs the head of his cock against your pussy, lingering through the oil and your slick. He pushes forward, just enough to rest at where you need him the most, his hands pressing into the cleft of your ass, pulling you open to watch himself rut against you, the tip of him kissing precum right against your hole. He smears it in, drags his hand across your ass before he pulls it away and delivers a sharp smack to it. The sound of his palm meeting your skin echoes across the cove. Your arms flex, head dropping as you moan.
He canât help the incredulous shake of his head and the grin he sends to the sky when he pushes in and your tightness swallows him. You didnât want slow and sweet, and he gives you what you want, setting a brutal rhythm, hands gripping your hips, pulling you back into each thrust. The towel scrapes against the bannister as you fuck against, just as desperate as he is. Youâre a mess of sweat and oil, radiant and beautiful under the sun.
He slides his thumb up, pressing it against your asshole, circling it before rolling it into you. You gasp, arch your back, and ask for more. âLike that?â he growls.
âMore,â you order again.
He grabs the oil, pours it over your ass until it drips down onto the deck. He rubs circles, works you open with his thumb, fucking both holes so hard the railing groans.
Your pussy pulses around him and he feels you cumming, cunt squeezing him so tight he has to grit his teeth and tell himself not to cum. âGood girl,â he snarls, âfeels so good. Cum fâme.â His thumb delves deeper, stretching you as you flood his dick.
âJoel, please,â you gasp, babbling, âJoel, please I want⊠I needâŠâ
He knows. He pulls out, letting the heft of him thump against your asshole. âYou want me here, baby?â
You nod, a slithering âyesss,â answers him.
He slides in slow, waiting for the stretch to go from burn to ache for you, but youâre greedy for him, pushing back on him, and he doesnât know if heâs ever loved you more than in this moment. The sounds that leave you are otherworldly, high, and beaming. He covers your back with his chest, arms locked around your sticky, sun-warmed body, grinding your ass back into him, both of you rutting against the railing.
His hand snakes between your legs, rubbing your clit, your whole body loses tension, knees almost buckling as your muscles go slack and his finger rubs another orgasm out of you. Joelâs arms tighten around you, keeping you standing as he fucks you through it and past it, until he lets himself go, cumming so hard he feels as if he might collapse the whole deck. His hips stutter, and he holds you tight, unable to move as his cum floods your ass.
When he feels his breath again, he nuzzles your neck, sucking at the sweat along your skin. âGood girl,â he groans as he pulls out. âWorldâs best wife. Jesus Christ.â
You chuckle and slump against the deck before he gathers your cumdrunk body into his arms. Heâs never felt freer in his life. Sunlight, the blue sky, the cool wind and the smell of pine needles. His beautiful wife blissed out and smiling in his arms. Joel thinks maybe this is paradise.
â-
This is all Joel Miller could ask for⊠a crackling fire burning by the cove and a beautiful girl in a pretty dress watching him play guitar. He sits in the half-dark, back propped against a wood stump, legs outstretched, feet at the edge of the fire circle he made. Youâre a little ways off, on a quilt, knees bent, dress tucked under your thighs. He picks up his guitar, tries to tell himself he knows the song well enough to perform it and gives you a shy smile before he begins to play.
âAll alone in this world am INot a care for this world have IOnly you keep my eyes open wideYes it's trueI live for youâ
You tip your head back, eyes on the starry sky as you listen, a sweet smile spreads across your lips. He canât remember a time he wasnât trying to earn a smile from you.
âNot a thing in this world do I ownOnly sadness from all that is grownIn this darkness I wait for the dayYes it's trueI live for you
For many years I waitFor many tears I wait
All this time my thoughts return to youGive my love, that is all I can doWait in line till I feel you insideYes it's trueI live for youâ
When the chords fade, you clap a delighted sound. âThat was beautiful,â you say. He grins, heat rising into his cheeks, hating and loving that he still feels bashful when it comes to you.
For the next song, he picks a low, moody tune that he knows you love. He plucks the strings slow, and you instantly know the song.
âUnderneath the bridge, the tarp has sprung a leakâŠâ
He doesnât expect it, but you join in, your sweet voice joining his, voices harmonizing as you both repeat âsomething in the way.â Your face is set in thought, the flames flickering over it as you lean forward, elbows on your knees, almost studying the moment, the feeling. The two of you, out here, under the safety of the night sky and a ring of flames. Joelâs voice gravels towards the end, letting you take over.
When he finishes, your smileâs brighter than the fire. âThatâs my favorite,â you say.
âI know,â he grins. âCâmere.â
You crawl to him, and he wraps himself around you, arms tight, chin on the top of your head. Your sigh warms the hollow of his throat.
âPlay me another, tomorrow?â you whisper.
âEvery day,â he says, kissing the crown of your head.
â-
âHomebase to Love Shack, do you copy?â Ellieâs voice echoes, and Joel can hear the smug little smirk in her tone even through the distortion. Joel clips towards the radio resting on the countertop, towel wrapped around his waist, hair still wet from your shared shower.
He grunts, presses the button. âYeah, weâre here. Whatâs up?â
Tommyâs voice comes on: âMorning. Weâre headed your way with the delivery. ETA thirty⊠so be dressed.â
You wander into the kitchen, also only clad in a towel. âWho was that?â you ask.
âTommy ân Ellie will be here in a half hour.â
Guests during a honeymoon really arenât a thing, but Joel doesnât mind. Gravel crunching under horse hooves announces their arrival. Joel steps outside and waves before heading over to help untie the saddlebags. Youâre on the porch, and when Ellie sees you, she hugs you. Joel feels the warmth spread from his heart through his body as you pull away, and straighten her collar in such a maternal way.
The bags are left by the floor, and Tommy pulls a sack from the pack and lays it on the kitchen table, revealing sandwiches from the Tipsy Bison, wrapped in waxed paper and still warm.
You sit at the table, next to Joel and across from Ellie, and he sees the happiness etched on your face. Itâs in the way your hand rests atop his, the way you listen wholeheartedly when Ellie talks, and the way you smile at all her jokes⊠even the bad ones.
âHowâs Jefferson doing?â you ask, napkin wiping away the mustard on the edge of your mouth.
Ellie chews, then wipes her mouth on her sleeve. âHeâs good. He and Sally are happy. But I know he misses you.â
âHowâs the honeymoon? Do we gotta worry about yâall never coming back?â Tommy asks.
Joel laughs and shakes his head. âAs much as I love it here, I miss our house⊠ân Jefferson.â
Itâs a strange thing to feel so content in a world built amongst chaos. For so many years, every meal was wolfed down in silence, every conversation was quiet, every moment of happiness overshadowed by loss. Now, thereâs laughter, and food, and light shining in through the windows of his temporary castle.
He watches you and Ellie, talking and giggling. He looks over at Tommy, also watching the scene with a similar dumb grin, Joel knows is plastered on his own face. âThanks for hosting us, weâll get out of here, leave you two lovebirds to enjoy the rest of your time.â
Ellie hugs you again as she and Tommy leave, and Joel gets a clap on the back from Tommy. âRadio if you need anything,â he says before he mounts up. âAnything at all.â
âWe will,â Joel promises.
Tommy nods and turns the horse, Ellie falling in beside him, and they ride away.
You slide your arm around Joelâs waist, resting your head against his shoulder as you watch them go. âThat was nice,â you say.
âYeah,â Joel agrees. It was. A reminder of the life waiting for them when this perfect week is over⊠a life full of people who love them.
You stand there together until Tommy and Ellie disappear from view, then turn to go back inside, hand in hand, back to your perfect honeymoon.
â-
Joel wakes before you do, most days he usually does, but today he lets himself lie there and holds you in his arms. Outside, the sky is beginning to turn from pink to gold to blue, and the light gilds you in a dreamy glow. He gets lost in admiring his wife, how you look asleep, the soft, unfurrowed peace of your brow, the line of your lips. He never imagined having this, a woman and a life so soft, he gets to watch the sunrise as he holds his wife.
He could stay here for hours, but he has a plan. Heâs careful not to wake you as he gets out of bed, goes to the kitchen and puts the coffee on. He makes a couple of sandwiches, packs some strawberries, and wraps up a few chunks of cheese before filling the thermos with coffee and tucks everything into a rucksack.
When he comes back to the living room, youâre just getting up. âMorning,â you yawn.
âMorninâ, baby,â he says, and you smile sleepily for him.
âBetter get up, weâve got somewhere to go.â
âHmm?â
Joel shrugs. âJust wanna show you something.â
â-
Thereâs something about the way you hold onto Joel as he navigates the horse. Your arms are snug around his waist, your thighs squeezing with every jostle. If he had to pick one way to travel for the rest of his life, this would be it.
Itâs a crisp morning, but the sun is climbing and warming the world. You ride through the pines and the hush of the forest, the only sound is the soft plod of hooves and the birds in the trees. The trees break into a clearing, and Joel can hear the gasp behind him when you see the bright meadow full of wildflowers.
The horse is barely pulled to a stop before youâre bounding off, already giggling and spinning amongst the wildflowers as tall as your knees. Itâs almost painful in the way he watches you, the smile that breaks across his face is wide and unwavering, and his heart aches in the best way at the sight of the woman he loves joyous amongst a field of purples, yellows, and little stars of white.
He dismounts and spreads the blanket on a patch of soft grass. The rucksack gets unpacked, and brunch is spread out across the faded blue blanket. Youâre already deep in the field, plucking flowers from the ground, soundtracking the day with your happy hum.
âGonna bring half the meadow back to the clinic at this rate,â Joel teases, dropping down onto the blanket. You soon join him, leaving your bundle of flowers at the edge of the blanket. You tuck a flower behind his ear, and he pretends to scowl as you giggle.
Coffee, sandwiches, and cheese are enjoyed under the sunlight in a field of wildflowers swaying in the wind. Joel saves the best for last, picks up a strawberry, and lifts it to your mouth. You take a bite, and then kiss the pad of his thumb that catches the juice dripping down your chin. He pops the other half in his mouth, never taking his eyes off your stained lips.
He grabs a smaller one, nestles it against your lower lip so you have to open your mouth for him. Your tongue flicks it in, and you lunge forward, climbing into his lap to kiss him, sweet strawberry on your tongue and coffee on his breath. His hands plant low on your back, splayed possessively over the thin cotton of your dress, and you kiss him slow in a way that makes him almost feel drunk off of joy and sharing a special morning with you.
He studies the horizon. Stormâs brewing, he sees it in the way the grey clouds choke out the blue and roll in. He wraps his arms tighter, presses a kiss to your hair.
âRainâs almost here,â he notes.
âMm, could just wait it out,â you say, pushing him down onto his back, straddling his hips, hands sliding under his shirt, nails dragging up his sides. âI donât want to leave.â You grind yourself against his jeans, making little gasps that have his cock straining for you, and he digs his hands into the curve of your ass, squeezing hard as you rock against him. âPlus, donât you want to fuck me right here?â
Joelâs breath stutters. âYou want me to?â
âMmmhm.â
The first fat raindrops pelt the blanket. Joelâs never seen anything so beautiful, your face turned up to the gray sky, mouth open to catch the drops. Raindrops patter faster and faster as you grind, the picnic blanket wilting in the grass, starting to soak through from the downpour.
You unspool his belt, pop the button open, and drag his zipper down. Your wet hand wraps around his cock and gifts him a sweet, wet stroke. He grunts, jerks your panties to the side, finds you already soaked for him, heat searing him even through the rain, two fingers slide through your folds, spreading you, coaxing out those sweet whimpers that float out into the damp air.
Rain streams down your back, soaking your dress plastered to your skin, but you donât care. You just grab the hem and haul it up and off, baring yourself to the empty world. Youâre a tangle of soaked dress and thighs atop him, running your soaked cunt along him.
He surges up, twists and rolls you over, covering you, body hunched over yours, rain pelting down and dripping from his nose and chin to your. He noses at your jaw, sucking your bottom lip, then trails kisses down your neck, your collarbone, your chest. Your breasts are glossy with rain, and he bites at your hard nipples, tongue circling, drinking the water from your skin. The rain makes you taste even sweeter.
You push your hips up, seeking his cock, and he easily finds you and sinks into you, slow and so fucking deep. He waits, groans into your breast, and you clutch his damp hair with both hands. The grass and wildflowers tangle around your bodies, the blanket a sopping mess beneath you. He thrusts slow, letting the pulse of you patter along with the falling rain. Your legs wrap around his waist, ankles locking at the small of his back. Rain plasters your hair to your cheek and forehead, and youâre gasping his name with every drive of his cock. Youâre keening under him, hands all over his back, clutching, holding, pulling.
Heâs never felt so strong, so wanted, as he does when youâre under him and he fucks you through an orgasm, and then another, until your sobs echo across the meadow over the rain. He laps at the side of your throat, sucking the rain from your skin, and when he cums, itâs with a growl, teeth scraping your collarbone as he spills inside you.
He collapses atop you, huffing against your skin, rain washing over him and pooling across the divots. For a long time, you just float amongst the wildflowers like that, the storm subsiding over the two of you and the small world you can call yours.
When he finally rolls off, everything gleams in the aftermath. You reach for his hand, fingers twining. âI canât believe itâs almost over.â
âDonât say that yet,â he says, thumb brushing the rain from your cheekbone. âWe got all day. All tomorrow.â
He wants to stay here, just like this, forever. You and him, both lying in a puddle, grass and dirt sticking wet to your skin, in a perfect meadow after a thunderstorm.
The storm slackens to a soft, foggy drizzle on the ride back to the cabin, and neither of you say much, trying to commit the memory of today to your hearts and minds.
â-
Once back at the cabin, you unload all of the flowers you picked while he ties off the horse. Thereâs a way in which youâre watching him untie the ropes and leads. He looks up, catches your gaze, cocks an eyebrow as he knots the rope and stows it. âSomething on your mind, Mrs. Miller?â
âJust thinking.â
âYeah? About what?â
You step closer, run a hand down his arm, fingers pausing at the rope looped. âI like the way you look handling these ropes.â
He stares at you, surprised, then grins. âThat so?â
You nod.
He tucks the rope in his back pocket, grabs your waist, and pulls you in. âWe can do something about that.â
He leads you inside and pours a glass of whiskey in the kitchen. You enjoy it together, staring into each otherâs eyes with each drink. The empty glass is left on the countertop, and Joel escorts you upstairs to the bathroom.
Itâs a team effort as Joel undresses you and you undress him. He turns the shower on, lets you step in first, watches from outside the large panels of glass. God damn, how did he get so lucky? You stand under the spray, water streaming down your face and shoulders, eyes half-closed as you let the warm water wash over you. He follows you in, crowding you up against the tile, hands roaming all over your body, washing away the mud and grass and wildflower pollen from your skin. You do the same for him, over his chest, down his arms, across his stomach. The care you show him, the gentleness of your fingers almost undoes him right there.
When youâre clean, he towels you off, walks you to the bed, and lays you down. The rope is already waiting, coiled on the table.
âI have an idea,â he says.
Your lips part, and he sees the hitch in your breath. You smile, a devilish smirk. âShow me.â
He ties your left wrist to the headboard, then the right, just loose enough that you can move a little, just tight enough that you canât get free. He stands back, takes in the sight of you, arms stretched, wrists tied, body offered up like youâre his own gift.
He walks to the closet, grabs the blue bandana he usually keeps in his pocket and holds it up. âCan I?â
âGod, yes,â you gasp.
He wraps the bandana over your eyes, ties it snug, and you gift him a moan before heâs even touched you. He kisses your forehead, your cheek, your lips. âYou tell me if you want me to stop, okay?â
âOkay.â
Joel takes his time, lets himself savor you, hands dragging down your arms, your chest, your ribs. He licks and kisses your nipples, bites gently at the soft skin of your breast. He trails kisses down your belly, nips at your hipbone, then kneels between your legs and spreads you open. You tremble, youâre so wet for him, and he wants nothing more than to get lost in you, drown in you, live in the heat between your legs forever. His tongue finds you, licking you, savoring and slow, tongue pressed flat against your clit, drinking down every moan and surge you bestow upon him. Your arms are spread tight, anchored to the bedposts, straining against the blindings, and it only makes Joel want you more.
He spits across your cunt, slicks his fingers and slides two in, slowly fucking you, pressing into you until you cry his name. Your hips are bucking, frayed pleas of his name leaving your lips.
Joel works you, one hand in your cunt, one hand pinning your hips to the sheet. He pulls away, lets his breath feather over your wet, swollen clit and grins. âLook at you, sweetheart. Canât even sit still for me.â
He fucks you deeper, curling his fingers against the sweet, gushy spot that makes you squirm. Youâre close, he can feel the strain, so he pulls out, denies you exactly when youâre on the edge for him.
You whine a desperate keen, yanking at the ropes. He loves how gone you are for him, how you beg for him. He denies you his fingers, but gives you his tongue, licking a broad stripe from your hole to your clit. You gasp, and he returns it with a hum into you as he sucks your clit. His cock aches, leaking against the mattress, but he ignores it⊠heâs having too much fun.
âJoelâfuck, I canâtââ you beg.
Every desperate shake, every bead of sweat, every taut muscle of yours only makes him want you more.
His fingers interrupt you, three of them now, stretching your tight hole. He doesnât pump, only lets them settle and he just waits, feeling the way you clench, seeing how strung up your body is for him.
âI canât,â you repeat.
âOh, you can, sweetheart. Youâre my good girl, arenât you?â he growls, fingers twirling, thumb pressing against your clit. You tighten, flutter, and clamp, cunt gripping his fingers as you orgasm for him.
God, he wants that to be his cock so bad. He canât take it anymore, he grips himself, stroking slow, matching the rhythm of his fingers inside you.
âYou look so good,â he gruffs. âIâm touchinâ myself, baby.â
That gets you, your body tightening as you give him an orgasm, shaking so hard the ropes creak. He watches your lips part, head thrashing, sweat and desperation slicking your body. Youâre the most beautiful mess heâs ever seen.
He finally climbs up your body, kisses your mouth, lets you taste yourself on his tongue as he palms your thighs, pushes your knees wide, then folds you up so your calves press against the backs of your arms. Youâre folded and wide open for him at the same time. âCan you take more for me?â he asks.
You nod all eager and desperate, so he gives it to you slow, watching your face as he seats himself inside your eager hole. You moan so loud heâs sure youâve moved the mountains back, and he canât help but groan at how perfect you feel wrapped around him. He fucks you like that, slow and steady, hands locked around your calves, folding you up. He whispers your name, tells you how good you are, how perfect your pussy is, how much he loves you.
Heâs obsessed with the way youâre splayed out under him, hands bound to the bed, blue blindfold across your eyes, bottom lip captured between your teeth. Fuck, youâre perfect.
The bed creaks and the sound just makes him want to go harder. He pistons into you, lets his rhythm drum faster and faster into you. Thereâs a wet slap echoing across the vast bedroom, escaping out of the cracked picture window. Sweat drips from his brow, and his vision stays locked on where you take him, greedy and gorgeous, wet and swollen.
He leans forward, lets his weight press down onto your body, arms braced by your head, hands clasped around the crown of your head, holding you in place. Your breathing is wild, body and rope and pussy so impossibly tight.
You cum again, your whole body quaking under him, your voice hoarse with tears and Joel knows he canât last, not with you like this. He pulls out, jerks himself twice, and cums all over your stomach and chest, white and hot, marking you as his. His legs want to give out, but he unties you first, peels off the blindfold, and gathers you up, kissing your wrists, your throat, and every salty tear on your cheeks. He rocks you in his arms, lets you come back down to earth, grounds you with each kiss and âI love you.â
The sun sets, and the cabin is filled with the smell of whiskey and wildflowers and sex. You lie tangled together, your head on his chest, your hand over his heart. He looks down at you, kisses your hair, and he feels it againâthe peace, the rightness, the sense that maybe he deserves this after all.
â-
Every day of Joelâs life begins perfect now. Even on the days his knee aches, or he wakes up with a knot in his back, or his shoulder clicks when he reaches for something, the first thing he sees is youâwarm, soft, still tangled in sleep. And every time he does, heâs reminded that he survived for this. Not just the world, but you, this impossible grace.
He slips out of bed in the early gray of morning, careful not to wake you and pulls on his robe. He pads into the kitchen, sets up the percolator, and leans against the countertop, savoring the ritual. The grounds, the gurgle, the first rich waft of coffee.
The early morning cold hits his face when he walks outside on the porch, but it feels good, makes him feel even more alive and present at this moment. The world is alive, and heâs alive, all because of the woman he loves.
The porch step digs into his thighs, but he doesnât mind when he settles atop it. He thinks about all the things that should have killed him. Guns, fungus, loss, heartbreak. Things that haunted him every night before you. Anything could still happen, he knows itâs not a safe world by any means. But, heâs grateful to still be here, with you by his side.
You join him outside, robe cinched tight.
âMorning, baby,â he greets.
You smile, sit beside him, and lean your head on his shoulder. He holds out the mug of coffee, and you take it, hands brushing, eyes still half-closed.
Later today, youâll head back to Jackson, back to the old world and its routines and worries. But for now, he savors you, the early morning, and the happiness youâve given him.
Pairing: Jackson Joel Miller x Doctor Female Reader
Chapter Rating: Explicit. 18+ (Minors DNI)
Chapter Summary: This is your honeymoon. Itâs such an absurd concept in the existence you live in that it almost feels fictional. A week alone with your husband, Joel Miller, with no responsibilities, no patients. Just you and Joel in this perfect, hidden place.
Chapter Warnings: only doc's pov, smut, joel jerkin' it, like i think this chapter is mostly just sex?, strip poker, uhhh more sex
Words: 6,100
A/N: Hey. After this chapter, there are only three more left, feels insane to say seeing as this fic has been part of my life for over a year... but here we are. My thanks to @mothandpidgeon and @sin-djarin for their eyes and notes.
Healed Masterlist | Healed Playlist | Healed, The Video Edit | AO3
Masterlist
Previous Chapter
â-
The ride takes you a few hours away from Jackson, west and north. Youâre in awe, out here, the silence surrounds you, reminding you how far you are from the hustle and bustle of your mountain town. Thereâs nothing but the sound of the wind breezing through aspens and the clip of the horse hooves on the sun-warmed ground.Â
Youâre plastered to Joelâs back, arms wrapped around the warm, worn fabric of his jacket that he wore just yesterday as he married you. Sometimes when the trail gets rougher and the horses jounce more, youâre jostled so close to him his shoulder blade digs into your cheek. Neither of you says a word, just enjoy the bright sunlight and the hush of the green world.
The trail forks and you take the overgrown part, the path rising before the trees part. Thatâs when you get the first glimpse of a cabin. But, cabin is not the word for this. Itâs massive, a fever-dream lodge built by someone rich who wanted to live like a king of the woods. Thick, cured logs, the color of golden honey, are stacked two stories high. There are windows upon windows reflecting the sky and trees. Itâs like nothing youâve ever seen before.
âOh my god,â is all you can offer.
âOur home for the week. We call it Patrollerâs Secret Paradise,â Joel shifts in the saddle, turning to meet your eyes. âSâimpressive, isnât it?â
You melt at the thoughtfulness and the soft pride in Joelâs voice. âIt is.â
Tommy and Jesse are already there, unloading the supplies from the packs. You swing off the horse first, reaching a hand out to help Joel down. When his feet hit the ground, you catch the wince across his face.
He still smiles, though. âLong ride,â he reasons, âbut worth it.â Big, sun-warmed arms wrap around you as you marvel at the house. âThey cleaned it all up for us,â he whispers. âTommy and Jesse. Fixed it up ân stuff. Stocked it too.â His voice gets lower, catching almost. âWanted it⊠to feel special for you⊠for us.â
Itâs like a fantasy come true, and all you can do is stare and blink unbelievingly. âHow did you...?â
âTommy ân me found it years ago. Use it sometimes as a hideaway when weâre out scouting. Barely anybody knows about it.â
âItâs... I donât even know what to say.â You shake your head, overwhelmed by the sight and the secret of it all.
âGot something else to show you too.âÂ
He leads you around the side of the house, down a stone path, broad shoulders block most of the view in front of you, but when he steps aside⊠you see it: a secluded cove, water lapping at the pebble-and-sand-lined shore. The sound of running water, from the stream feeding into the cove, might just be the most beautiful sound youâve ever heard.
âJoel... Itâs perfect.â
âFollows all the way up to the lake,â he points. âWaterâs crystal clear. We can swim.â His gold band flashes in the sun, and you follow it to the horizon, where tall trees flank all sides.
This is your honeymoon. Itâs such an absurd concept in the existence you live in that it almost feels fictional. A week alone with your husband, Joel Miller, with no responsibilities, no patients. Just you and Joel in this perfect, hidden place.
âWeâre gonna have a good week,â Joel says, pressing a kiss to your cheek.
A sharp whistle breaks the sweet moment. You both turn to see Tommy standing at the edge of the path, hands on his hips. âGot the horses unloaded, and we should probably head back before it gets too late.â
You walk back to the cabin, Joelâs arm around your waist. Tommy and Jesse are already mounting their horses, the pack animals relieved of their burdens. Tommy tosses something to Joelâa small black radio.
âCheck in every morning, afternoon, evening, and night,â he instructs. âIâll be here Wednesday to drop off more things.â He tilts his head, a wide brotherly grin spreading across his lips. âOther than that, yâall enjoy the week.â
Jesse nods respectfully and offers a smile and a âCongrats,â before yipping his horse into a trot.
You and Joel stand together, watching as they ride away. Tommyâs hand raised in a final wave before they disappear around the bend.
âReady, baby?â
You nod, too overwhelmed for words. Joel leads you up the steps to the wide porch and pushes open the heavy front door. It creaks open and your jaw drops.Â
Youâve never been anywhere like this. Everything here is decadent and huge, the foyer alone is massive. Golden wood is everywhere: the walls, the floors, the furniture. The floorboards almost look just polished in some places and ancient and sun-bleached in others. On your left, a wooden staircase curls, and you imagine the grand entrances that once happened here.
Joel holds your hand tight as you wander past the entryway. In the living room, the stone fireplace is the focal point, taking up most of one wall. Thereâs a ripped leather couch, sitting caddy corner, and a mattress lying on the floor already covered with a patchwork quilt and pillows.
And then, thereâs the windows. You cross the room to them, the view outside is staggering. The cove, the mountains, and the expansive Wyoming sky. You feel like youâre on top of the world.
âI know itâs not much,â Joel says, his voice low with an almost uncertainty. âBut I thoughtââ
You turn and catch him mid-sentence, and kiss him.
âItâs perfect,â you tell him. âEverythingâs perfect.â
His smile is so slow and gentle, it makes you want to cry. âHappy honeymoon, Mrs. Miller.â
The tour continues, the kitchen almost feels like the owners just stepped out for groceries, frozen in time from almost thirty years ago. Thereâs a walk-in pantry, empty now, but you still like to imagine all of the shelves lined with cans and boxes. The counters are made of stone and still glossy, even under the smattering of dust.
You walk up the staircase together, hand in hand, and the steps hardly even creak. Thereâs a long hall, lined with doors. Itâs almost as if youâre playing house, pretending at a life you never got to lead as you make your way through every room.Â
The master bedroom sits at the end, windows taking up one whole wall with a king size four poster bed in the middle of the room. You run your hand along the mattress and grin. âThis is the biggest bed Iâve ever seen.â
Joel stands in the doorway, hands in the pockets of his jeans, and lets you take it all in. âFigure we can sleep in here or downstairs, wherever you want. I just wanted to make sure you had a real bed.â
âAnywhere with you is good.â
He gifts you that shy smile of his, before his head tilts towards the bathroom. âThink youâll like whatâs in the bathroom.â
You do. It almost feels like youâve been dropped in the middle of a museum exhibit titled âWealth In 2003.â Thereâs a giant clawfoot tub set directly in front of a window. It gleams, all polished brass and bright white porcelain.Â
âDo we have hot water?â
Joel nods. âSâalso hooked up to the dam.â
It doesnât take long for you and Joel to unpack your bags. The walk-in closet is palatial, and you place your simple and practical belongings in the drawers while Joel hangs his flannels and your dresses. It feels so strange, like youâre really on vacation, especially when Joel kisses you, his tongue sweeping into your mouth, big arms surrounding you.
When he pulls back, his eyes are dark as they roam over your face. âWanna go for a swim?â
â-
You slip off your shoes, burying your toes in the cold mud and smooth river rocks. Thereâs a new sensation shooting through your body, an almost relief in this action, like one of those moments when a patient pulls through, or you remember youâre safe and loved.
Joel lays a towel down, covering his pistol, still mindful that though this is paradise, danger can still lurk right around the corner.Â
The daylight radiates off the water, and you donât know if youâve ever felt so warm and complete, especially as you watch Joel unbutton his flannel and peel off his white undershirt. You can hardly pay enough attention to slip your shirt and pants off, struggling especially when you lower your jeans down your legs as Joel does the same.
âTake it off,â he says, reaching for the hem of his black boxers. âAll of it.â
Youâre so quick to shuck your underwear, to feel this rare type of naked independence with the man you love. Joelâs all precious metals lit by this light. Golden skin speckled with bronze freckles and silver scars.Â
You both wade in, hissing through teeth as the water creeps higher up your thighs, then stomach, then chest, until youâre both wading. Joelâs groan echoes through the water as his buoyancy gives him relief, and you anchor yourself to him, arms wrapping around his neck, letting your legs entwine. He lifts you, hands gripping your ass under water and gives you the sweetest, happiest smile. You grin back, unable to stop the glee coursing through you.
âWeâre really here,â you say, unable to keep the wonder from your voice. âOn our honeymoon.â
He groans and stares down at you, eyes heavy-lidded. âTold you I had a surprise.â
His smile meets yours when he leans in for a kiss. Your hand slides down his chest and the plush of his stomach, heâs already hard, and you stroke him once, slow, pulling away to watch his head tip back and his mouth go slack.
He groans and you laugh, until he captures your lips again. You make out lazily, floating in the water, your legs wrapping around his hips. You grind against him, letting the water slosh before he lines himself up, eyes locked on yours, and then pushes in. The water buoys you, makes it easier. He braces both hands on your ass and starts to fuck up into you, his teeth bared with the effort of keeping it gentle, but you can see how badly he wants to let go.
âHarder,â you say, and he does. He lifts you higher, so that you can ride him, your breasts bouncing above the surface. Here, there are no infected, no patrols, no alarms or obligations; there is just you, and your husband, and the endless blue of the water and the sky.
He cums with a low groan, arms squeezing you so tight itâs almost painful, and you follow, burying your face in his neck as your body shudders and then goes limp. You cling to him, Joelâs heavy breaths against your ear, and you chuckle at how perfect this moment is.
When you both trust your legs enough to finally stagger out of the cove, Joel wraps you in a towel, hands rubbing up and down your arms until goosebumps fade. He snags your abandoned clothes and slings them rakishly over his shoulder as you both stumble up the path back to the house.
â-
Inside the cabin, you check in with Tommy as Joel builds a fire in the massive stone hearth. You curl up together on the mattress, bodies still damp from your swim. He pulls the patchwork quilt up and tucks you into his side. Your eyes move from Joel to the sunset and back, neither of you says a word to each other, just trade kisses and sighs of contentment.
Itâs only when your stomach growls when you get up. âI guess we should eat.â
You share a dinner of leftover pizza from last nightâs celebration, sitting at the eight-person dining table as the mounted deer heads and golden-framed landscape paintings look down upon you.
When it gets too dark to see, you light a few candles and lie together on the mattress in the living room, naked under the quilt. Joelâs soft bicep is your pillow, his other hand traces circles along your stomach so gently it almost feels absentminded were it not for the way heâs studying your face.
âHappy?â he asks.
You nod. âIncredibly.â
Joel tells you about the day he and Tommy found the cabin, how it was so untouched they almost wondered if it was a trap, how it was easy to convince the council to let you two leave for a week, and how patrollers havenât seen anything worrying around these parts in over a year. You feel overwhelmed by the thoughtfulness of how Joel made sure to gift you this beautiful âvacation.â You donât know what to say to thank him, so you just lean in and kiss him.
The kiss is sweet at first, but it deepens with every traded grunt and moan. Joel pulls you closer, and his chest rumbles against yours when you nibble against his pillowy bottom lip. He cups your cheeks, thumb stroking the curve of your jaw. The shivers of need follow his hands as they drift lower, grazing your hip, then your thigh. He gently rolls you onto your side, kissing your shoulder, your neck, the soft spot behind your ear.
âGet on top âa me, baby, wanna see my pretty wife.â
You oblige, straddling his hips, giving him a slow rut and grind, sliding your pussy along the heft of him resting against his stomach. His hands grip your hips, big brown eyes and furrowed eyebrows staring up at you. You feel like a goddess, lit by the candles and fire, and the heated gaze of dark brown eyes. Joelâs hand flows down your hip to between your legs, pressing his thumb against your clit, kissing it with the sweet pressure of his thumbprint. You fold over, lips pressing against his, tongue licking into his mouth. He grips himself, runs his weeping head against your wet, and you moan, hands cording through the waves of his hair.
âFuck me,â you plead, hips lifting, hovering right above his cock. Joel lines himself up and your bodies work in tandem together when you sink down with a gasp.
âChrist,â he groans, head falling back against the pillow, neck corded with the tension only you can give him. You pull away and sit up, the pink stone of your ring flickering against his chest when you brace yourself. You rise, thighs trembling, then sink back down, hips gyrating to take all of him and his stretch.Â
Youâre still amazed at your fortune. Joel is your husband, yours to ride, yours to take, yours to love.
He lets you move at your pace, and when you lean back even more, pounding and grinding against his cock, greedily riding him, he lets out an incredulous chuckle. âLook at you takinâ all of me.â
You watch his face, the reverence there. Joelâs always loved you with devotion, but you feel a new edge to it, an almost worship. Maybe itâs the honeymoon, or maybe itâs the fact that youâre forever, but he looks at you like heâs found God. He grits out your name, brow furrowed and jaw taut. That vein on the side of his neck pulses, matching the flutter of your own pulse.
His hand cups your cheek, and you give his wedding band an impulsive kiss, pressing your lips to the gold as your bodies move together. The gesture undoes him. His eyes flutter, and his body turns uncontrollable, hips bucking up into you. âJesusââ he gasps, âbaby, fuckââ
You keep kissing the ring, again and again, letting your teeth scrape the metal just enough to make him groan. He wraps his arms around you and sits up, chest to chest, and you clutch at his shoulders as he thrusts harder into you.
You grind and ride, using his cock to fuck yourself into oblivion, totally blissed out. Maybe itâs the luxury of having nothing to do, nowhere to be, or maybe itâs the candlelight or the fire or the fact heâs finally your husband now.
Joelâs hands dig into your hips, pulling you down with each snap of his pelvis. You feel the stretch in your calves, in your hips, every nerve below your waist.
Youâre so close, your clit riding the thick root of his cock. You keep your eyes locked on his, begging him to see you, to keep you here in this impossible, perfect present. He canât look away either.Â
Candles burn low, the fire dying to embers, and yet you both glimmer in the dark as this perfect moment becomes a world of its own. The pleasure and love are bright and hot, and when Joel tenses beneath you, his face burrowing in your neck, your name almost sobbed into the sensitive skin there, you cum with him. He fills you, thick and pulsing as you clench around him and breathe his name out.
Joel collapses back onto the mattress, pulling you with him. His cock throbs inside you, and youâre so full of his bliss, youâre sure itâs running down the seam of your thighs, but you donât dare move. You nuzzle your nose into the fuzz of his chest hair, breathing his skin and sweat. Beneath you, his ribs rise and fall, slowing down, your body synced to his.
âMrs. Miller,â he groans, lips pressed to the top of your head. âYouâre gonna be the death of me.â
You never thought youâd see a day like this, never thought youâd have a husband, or a honeymoon. Joel makes the world feel like it never ended, like everything that matters is right here, with his arms around you and his heart hammering against your ear.
â-
This morning might just be the brightest youâve ever woken up to. The birds chirp outside, and the golden sunlight slanting through the cabinâs windows gently rouses you from sleep. Joel sleeps heavily, mouth open, one arm draped possessively across your ribs.
You lie there for a long time, just memorizing all the small, beautiful things about the man you love. You trace the line of his jaw, the crease at his mouth, the dimple thatâs soft in sleep. Youâve woken up so many mornings like this, marveling at how handsome a man Joel Miller is, even in slumber.
No clinic waiting for you, no blueprints for Joel. Just this cabin, this bed, and your husband for seven glorious days.
You carefully shift out of his arms, pull on his discarded flannel lying on the arm of the couch, and pad into the kitchen. The percolator is filled and set on the stove, some ginormous hub that easily set the original owner back six figures. All of it seems like a part of the world thatâs been lost for so long⊠from the matching appliances, to the shiny stone countertops, and the huge windows that look out amongst nature undisturbed.
You unwrap Joelâs trusty chipped owl mug, which you packed just yesterday morning, and fill it with black, bitter coffee. Your husbandâs favorite thing in the world.
You settle on the edge of the mattress, and Joel stirs, his eyes slowly fluttering open, fixing on the coffee cup before they drag up to you. He smiles and stretches. âYouâre an angel,â mutters, voice still half asleep. He rolls and rests on his side, a content smile lifting his lips, before his eyes turn dark. âPut the coffee down, it can wait. Câmere, Mrs. Miller.â
He makes love to you as the sun rises above the vast treeline and the perfect cove. Itâs lazy and decadent the way Joel takes care of you, grinning up at you as you ride him again, growling out all the filth and adoration he knows you loveâhow youâre perfect, how youâre his everything, how you feel so fucking good, how youâre all he wants. When he cums, his big hands cup your ass, and he growls your name so loud it echoes off the walls of your vast, temporary palace.
You share the cup of coffee, tangled in each other and your perfect morning.Â
â-
Thereâs a banditry of chickadees singing in the trees, and you look over at your husband, at his big bare feet, the lazy stretch of his thighs under the blue robe, the band of his wedding ring shining as he scratches his chest. He has never looked more satiated and peaceful than he does as he lets the sun dry him off. Youâre spread across your towel, face and front heated by the afternoon.
The water was just as perfect today. You could get used to this.
âWe should do this every day,â you say, the words floating up toward the clouds. âJust... this. Nothing else.â
You hear rather than see Joelâs smile. âWe could,â he agrees. âWhole weekâs ours.â
What a luxury to do nothing, to make your time stretch, to only tell time in kisses and smiles.
When you get too baked by the sun, you and Joel move to the mostly-covered part of the back patio. There are some holes and beams missing, but it shields the sun just fine.
You choose Joelâs lap as your seat, and his arms hold you tight against him. He picks up the book heâs been reading, yet another novel about cowboys in the wild west. âRead to me?â you ask.
He hmphs a sound and clears his throat. His voice rumbles that low level that makes every bad thing disappear. You relax in the crook of his arm, eyes shut, body humming with warmth and contentment. Old West violence and drama, gunmen and dusty trails unfold. He even does the voices. Low and tough for the outlaws, gruff for the aging sheriff, strong and powerful for the hero. You wonder if he knows how much it means to you, the way he tells you the story as he holds you. The slow cadence of his voice and the rise and fall against your head help you drift off.
You wake to the sound of him closing the book and the set of his arms around you. âYouâre out,â he whispers against your forehead.
âJust resting my eyes.â
He chuckles. âFigured as much, baby.â
He burrows you closer to him, gently rocking you back and forth like the trees in the wind. You donât know if youâve ever felt so at peace before.
â-
Thereâs leftover wedding cake in the kitchen, and youâve had it for lunch for the past two days. Youâre atop the perfect marble countertop, legs dangling, Joel standing in between them.
He feeds you a bite. It tastes of chocolate and the memory of your perfect wedding. You hum an approval, and Joel watches you like youâre the most beautiful thing in the world, even as thereâs frosting on your upper lip.
âGood girl,â he grits.
You know exactly what heâs doing, and you let him, your legs sliding apart. Heâs already sliding the edge of his thumb up inside your thigh.
âYaâ know, you have frosting on your face,â he says, all smooth and deep. He leans in and licks it from the corner of your lip, then lingers at the seam, tongue pushing softly into your mouth. You taste chocolate and coffee and the wolvish smile heâs not even trying to hide. He grins when he pulls back, then grabs another forkful of cake, but he doesnât bring it to your mouth⊠he taps it against your collarbone, splotching you with chocolate.
âJoel?!â You laugh, a surprised, breathy sound.
âGotta get that too.â
He tongues the sweet off your neck, wide palms resting over your knees, prying them even farther apart. The fork clatters into the plate when he sets it aside, and then both his hands are under your thighs, hitching you forward. Your ass digs into the edge of the marble, and you yelp at the sudden movement, laughing and catching yourself on his broad shoulders.
Instinct overtakes you, because you already know where this is going, and you arch forward on the countertop, hands braced behind you. Joelâs lips are still sticky with frosting as he kisses you again, his body pressing against the cradle of your spread legs. Heâs got you, strong arms caging you in, the heat of his chest pressing against you. But you can only focus on his fingers against the damp seam of your underwear, pulling them aside and dipping deep into your cunt.
You gasp into his mouth, startled but so ready for him. He grins against your lips, and you can feel him smile when you moan. He curls the pads of his fingers inside you, just how you like, so he can watch your eyes roll up for him. âLike that, pretty girl?â
You whine a yes as his thumb digs up to circle your clit. All the while, he feeds you cake. Another bite, this time smeared on his thumb that he slips into your mouth. You suck it clean, and Joel watches you greedily.
He stays close, kissing and biting under your jaw, salt and sugar on his tongue. Your ankles lock at his back, hips rutting against his hand, your wet coating his hand.
âFuck, youâre so wet fâme.âÂ
You nod and arch for him, and he sets the cake plate aside. His thumb circles your clit, and you canât even hold your own head up; you loll back on your elbows, blinking at the high beams of the ceiling, and wonder how itâs possible this man can know your cunt so well.
He keeps going, two, then three fingers, stretching you, and his eyes never leave your face. âThere you go, baby. Squeeze my hand. Lemme feel you.â
Your cunt flutters and pulses, choking his fingers so hard he can barely move them. He growls a chuckle, pressing his mouth over yours, swallowing your moans and whines. You cum so hard you see gold behind your eyelids, the same gold of his wedding band that runs along your cunt. You sigh Joelâs name over and over, watching the way pride lights his face as you get off for him.
When you blink the light back into your vision, Joelâs already licking his fingers clean with a groan.
âShall we get a bath, Mrs. Miller? Get the cake I missed washed off?â You nod and let him help you off the counter, shaky legs and all.
You and Joel spend the time it takes to fill the tub kissing. He gets in first, lowering the bulk of him slowly and settling against the porcelain before you get in, scooting back until your back meets his chest. The water laps and rises, sloshing over your bodies, and youâre caged in by Joelâs arms, bracketing the sides of the tub, his thighs sitting wide apart with you seated in between.
You hum as you feel the warmth of the sunbeams radiating through the windows. Outside is the cove, the pine trees dancing in the wind, and the invisible birds singing you and Joel songs as you relax. You inhale the steam, the luxury, the perfect moment youâre currently living in.
âAm I dreaming?â you ask, head lolling back onto Joelâs shoulder.
He laughs, kissing the crown of your head. âNo, baby. Sâall real.â
Youâre not exactly subtle when you rub your ass across his crotch. It doesnât take long for Joel to grow hard, cock pressed between your bodies. With a tilt and a tweak, you guide him between the slick of your folds. You arch up, then sink down, taking him this way⊠he fills you in such a different way, and you moan at the fullness. Joel lets out a groan, hips rocking up, pushing deeper until youâre flush.
His arms snake up under your arms, wrapping around your ribcage, fingers massaging and pinching your nipples, his mouth at your neck, tongue and teeth licking and scraping against your pulse. Water splatters against and out of the tub's walls when you rut against him.
âFuck, you feel so good,â Joel breathes against your ear, his hand slinking lower down your body, thumb circling your clit as he fucks up into you.
The world outside of the tub begins to turn to a watercolor⊠green and blue, and sunlight swirling as you let Joelâs body bestow his luxury on you. He roars your name against your ear as he hammers himself into your cunt, flooding you with his cum. Your orgasm ripples through you, the waves of hot water and Joelâs cum getting fucked into you send you right over the cliff. The tub water ebbs and flows as you both shudder through your aftershocks, collapsed against each other.
When you finally trust yourself to move, you lift, turn in his arms, and kiss him until the water grows too cold, still unbelieving that this life is yours, and Joel Miller is your husband.
â-
Joel is hopeless at poker, hopeless at bluffing, and even more hopeless at hiding how much he wants you. There are cicadas revving in the trees, a wind brushing through the open windows, and the warm candlelight flickering gold. Youâre at the dining table, clutching a crinkled hand of cards and biting back your smile. Joel sits across from you, hunched over his own hand, staring at the cards under furrowed brows. Heâs barely even dressed now, wearing one sock and a pair of navy blue boxers.
You, on the other hand, are winning and still fully clothed.Â
You did not expect playing strip poker with a grown man as competent as Joel Miller would reveal how abysmal he is at cards. Youâve beaten him every game, and youâre loving the trophies of more and more of his clothing being removed.Â
Joel reveals his hand: two pair, not bad. But not enough.
Your straight flush is laid down on the table with an exaggerated little âboom.â Joel grunts and scrubs a hand over his face.
âTough luck, baby,â you mock.
He pouts, scoots his chair back, bends down with a sigh, and takes off his sock. All thatâs left is his boxers. The sock is tossed in your direction, and you avoid it with a duck and a chuckle and deal the cards.
A six, two nines, a Jack of clubs, and a King of diamonds. Nothing. You keep your expression neutral but Joelâs watching you like a hawk. No matter what you try to figure out, none of the cards work, and you finally lose to Joelâs full house.
âWell, well,â he growls, leaning forward, candles lighting all of his shadows. âLooks like itâs your turn to lose something.â His eyes flick up and down, possessiveness and desire inking them black.
Youâre half drunk on whiskey, and the feeling of being in love, in a house no one else knows exists. You lean back and slip your shirt off. Joelâs eyes go wide and a greedy warmth spreads over his face. He doesnât even try to hide it.
You stretch and roll your shoulders back and Joelâs nostrils flare. âThis was a bad idea.â
Joel was right. It was a bad idea. His luck lasts for a single game, and your flush beats his three pair.
You squeal in delight, collecting the cards. âDealâs a deal, Mr. Miller,â head tilting towards his crotch. âTake âem off.â
He stands slowly, hands planting at the waistband of his boxers. He inches the waistband down and all you can do is stare at his beautiful, wide, half-hard cock. The boxers fall to the floor, he steps out and lets you ogle. Heâs all broad and powerful: the furrow of his belly, sprinkled with graying hair, the mass of his shoulders, the thickness of his thighs. The candlelight flickers over the lines of him, lighting the constellation of scars across his golden skin.
âStroke him for each time you lost, Mr. Miller.â
He snorts, but he spits in his palm and wraps it around himself. Itâs always a little overwhelming to see Joel like this, to luxuriate in watching the way his lips curl in a snarl as he thumbs the bead of precum from the head of his cock. He gifts you five long, slow strokes, and youâre pretty sure you donât breathe through any of it.
âKeep going,â you say, your own thighs squeezed together, slick and desperate from nothing but the sight of Joel in front of you. He spreads his feet wide, starts stroking faster, eyes locked on you. Heâs already huffing, chest heaving, the cords in his neck tight.
God, you want him in your mouth, want to taste the slick salt of the precum heâs leaking for you, but this is all part of the game. You want to watch Joel lose it again, naked in the golden light, putting on a show for you, his wife.
One hand grabs the edge of the table, while the other jerks himself, hissing between clenched teeth. Heâs bent over the table, fucking his fist. âBaby,â he groans, all ragged and desperate.
âYes, Mr. Miller?â
âClose,â whimpers out of your big, strong Joel.
âThen come here.â
He does, stepping to your fast, cock still in his fist. He looms over you, all big, broad, and hard. Youâre so close now, you have a front row show. You marvel at all of him⊠the bead of precum on his slit, the way his balls draw tight, the flex and strain of his plush stomach.
So, you take your breasts in both hands and squeeze them together, showing him your intent. âHere?â
He doesnât even answer, just grunts your name and shudders as the first thick rope of his pearlescent arcs up, landing on your collarbone, the second splattering across your tits and running down the valley between them. He keeps jerking, unable to stop, squeezing each pulse out, milking himself until he has nothing left, the last few drops clinging to his cock before he smears it across your nipple. âFuck,â he growls.
Hands planted on the chairâs arms, he drops forward, gorgeous face right in yours. He grins with a low chuckle. âFuck, baby. Feels like I won.â
â-
Thereâs a large boulder by the cove, the bright sun bakes it in the afternoon, making it the perfect place to rest your back against after enjoying the chilled water. Youâre sitting against it, book in hand, while Joel sits next to you, fiddling with his guitar, strumming random songs and notes.
Itâs odd, the lazy luxury of the past few days has almost made you forget all the strife and stress of the world, but there is still a reminder that you live amongst destruction. Joelâs gun goes with him everywhere, hidden in plain sight just in case, and you still turn your head whenever you hear a sound escape the heavy treeline. But the danger never comes.
Thereâs a sound of rustling to the left of you, and Joel instantly stops strumming, placing the guitar to his side and slowly reaching for the pistol⊠just in case.
But your fears are quickly tamped down by the sight of a herd of deer, approaching your secret cove. You watch them, both silent as they part their way through the tall grass, heads flicking to watch you and Joel, pausing for a moment, then ultimately deciding that youâre no threat.
Joel lowers the gun back to the ground, leans his head against your shoulder, and you watch the wild animals, safe in their peace and their own world.
Neither of you speaks until you watch the deer move back through the tall grass just as the sun begins to set. The sky is lit orange, with streaks of purple and pink all bleeding into each other and the horizon. Itâs a sunset for the books.
"Never used to notice them much,â Joel muses, almost absentmindedly.
âHm?â you ask.
"The sunsets."
"They were always there," you reply softly.
You feel his exhale before you hear it, his thumb rubs thoughtful circles over your knuckles. "Guess you just start seeing things differently when..." He trails off, leaving the thought unfinished.
When you almost die, perhaps. Or when someone saves you. Or when life gives you an unexpected second chance.
"Yeah," you agree, understanding what he doesn't say. "You do."
He takes your hand, finger brushing against your ring. âYou changed mâlife,â he whispers.
You look at him, his earnest eyes full of the rarest form of joy. Not the bright, guileless rejoicing of a life thatâs never been wrecked. No, this life is the hard-won thing. âAnd you changed mine, Joel Miller.â
Pairing: Jackson Joel Miller x Doctor Female Reader
Chapter Rating: Explicit. 18+ (Minors DNI)
Chapter Summary: The breeze picks up as you make your way down the makeshift aisle between the chairs, and the air fills with pink petals. Cherry blossoms swirl around you, catching in your hair and on the shoulder of your dress, as if the tree itself is celebrating this moment. Itâs so perfect it almost feels staged, but Joel knows betterâheâs never had luck like this.
Chapter Warnings: A WEDDING!, slow dancing, whiskey, tommy miller being sentimental, ellie with joel's tan jacket but it's good and not sad, joel miller in love FOREVER AND EVER, chapter made author cry multiple times while writing, wedding night sex because ofc
Words: 9,100
A/N: It's happening?! Knowing how much y'all care about Joel & Doc and how excited your are for this chapter means the world to me. Thank you to @schnarfer, @mothandpidgeon, and @sin-djarin for their eyes, thoughts, love, and tears.
Joel & Doc On Their Wedding Day
Healed Masterlist | Healed Playlist | Healed, The Video Edit | AO3
Masterlist
Previous Chapter
â-
Youâre awake before the sunâs even risen, as if your body knows not to waste a single minute of today. Joelâs sprawled on his side next to you, arm thrown across your waist. You lie there in the quilted hush of the morning and watch him, long eyelashes moving as he dreams, plush lips parted in slumber. Your handsome Joel, who in only mere hours will be your husband.Â
The glow of dawn is just beginning to edge the mountains when you slip from his hold, careful not to wake him, and tiptoe to the window, wrapping your robe around you. The cherry tree is just outside, where youâll soon stand, the branches of it wreathed in white and pink. This is the day you never imagined, the kind that feels too good to be true. Joel stirs, and you look over your shoulder at him. He settles with a low grumble, hand absently reaching out to hold you as he sleeps.Â
Your eyes move to the bookcase, onto the faded yellow book between a copy of Grayâs Anatomy and a Texas guidebook. You walk over and pick up Lonesome Dove. The last read page is still marked at 776. 78 pages until the end, you and Joel havenât picked it up in months. Itâs become something of an inside joke between you and him, the book thatâs never finished. Your finger traces down the cover, across the creased line, and the slight rip in it. Joelâs lived so many chapters, this book and you, just being a small part of his story. But this book has seen all of yours and Joelâs story⊠from the first time you cracked the spine, reading to the man you barely knew. To nights of shared domesticity, your voice telling him the tale of cowboys in the west while he recovered, as you fell for each other. Then, the night everything changed, when Joel pulled you into bed with him, and this old book fell to the floor as you learned what his lips felt like against yours. You donât place the book back on the shelf, you leave it out, on the table next to the chair you used to read to Joel in. One day, youâll finish it, together.
Joel and Jefferson are left stretched across the bed when you make your way downstairs. You step into the dining room, smiling at the sight of the beautiful chaos on your dining table. In only hours, all these disparate elements will come together in the yard, under the cherry tree and the arch Joel built with his own hands. You lean over a box of jars and smell the wildflowers Joel brought you.Â
Soon.Â
The kitchen is just light enough, thanks to the large windows. In a few hours, Maria will be here, ready to turn your front yard into Jacksonâs hottest wedding venue. You fill the percolator with coffee and set it on the stove. This simple task that youâve done so many times now grounds you, reminding you that even on your wedding day, some things remain delightfully normal.
A slab of butter goes into the pan heating on the stove, and you pad over to the fridge, taking out the steak you charmed Seth into giving you. When the steak sizzles in the pan, you think of the countless, quiet mornings like this, making Joel breakfast and providing for the man that you love. Youâre going to have thousands more of these mornings, thousands upon thousands more opportunities to make Joel smile, to nourish him, to show your love through everyday acts like making a meal.Â
Such mundanity as making breakfast used to feel almost revolutionary. To be able to give and love so openly, to get to build a life together, to fry a steak and some eggs on your wedding morning. Thereâs an almost defiance against the darkness that still lurks beyond the walls.Â
A soft meow announces Jeffersonâs arrival, and he stretches languidly in the doorway before coming over to investigate the source of the enticing smell. He purrs loudly, head tilted up, green eyes fixed on the stove.
âMorning, handsome,â you greet, bending to scratch behind his ears. âNo steak for cats, sorry.â
Jeffersonâs not the only one awake, you hear Joelâs footsteps on the stairs and turn. He appears, hair rumpled, eyes squinting, wearing his blue robe. He stands in the kitchen doorway and looks at you, as if youâre something he never thought heâd have.Â
âMorninâ baby,â he greets, voice still husked with sleep.
âMorning,â you reply, smiling as he crosses to you.Â
His arms wrap around your waist from behind, his chest warm against your back. He dips his head, nose nuzzling the crook of your neck, and he breathes you in. You lean and melt, savoring the heat of him.
âSteak?â he asks when he peers over your shoulder into the pan.
âSpecial occasion.â
âMm,â he hums directly into your ear before he kisses it.Â
The food doesnât take long, and when you place Joelâs plate in front of him, you kiss his cheek and sit across from him. Joel breaks the yolk of his egg and cuts a piece of steak, dipping it in the runny, yellow puddle. When he takes the first bite, he closes his eyes in appreciation, a long groan escaping.Â
Jefferson rubs his body against Joelâs leg, catching his attention. âHey, guy,â Joel murmurs, cutting a tiny piece of steak and dropping it to the ground for the cat.Â
You eat slowly, savoring this moment and the food on your plate, the last quiet breakfast before you become husband and wife. Joel reaches across the table and takes your hand, thumb tracing the pink stone of your engagement ring. Soon, Joel will wear a gold ring youâll trace during something as mundane and luxurious as breakfast with the man you love.Â
â-
All it takes is one word uttered from you after you put the dishes in the sink.
âBath?âÂ
Joel can only nod and follow you up the steps, unable to keep his eyes off the sway of your hips, the line of your legs, and the glow of your skin. Small details of the miracle of you in his life that he never takes for granted.Â
The early morning light streaming in through the bathroom window is just enough to see. You fill the tub, checking the temperature with your fingers before you shrug your robe off. Joel canât help it, his breath catches at the sight of you. No matter how many times he sees you like this, all naked and perfect, it still leaves him speechless.Â
He hangs his robe above yours on the hook before he steps into the warm water. A grimace and a slight hmph escape him, no matter how hard he tries to fight it, when he settles into the water. You grab a glass jar filled with dried petals and herbs and sprinkle some of it into the water.
âWhatâs that?â he asks.
âPeppermint for the inflammation, lavender for relaxation, and a little rosemary because it smells nice.â
The water laps against his skin, fresh mint rising with the steam, and he inhales the scent. His leg still aches from yesterday, heâs earned this soreness. It reminds him of his trip outside the walls, the lakeside secret, and the look on your face when he revealed the wildflowers to you.Â
You hum when you climb in, sliding down, your chest against his. The bath is too small for two adults, but you make it work, like you always do. Your arms loop around his neck, cheek pressed just below his jaw. He breathes you and the healing herbs in, the sweetness almost undoes him there.Â
You kiss him, wet and lazy, giggling when his beard tickles your chin. His hands rest on your back, fingers splayed, thumbs running up your spine. He could stay like this forever, with you melting against him, trading slow kisses.Â
You pull back and smile. âHow many hours?â
Joel glances at the clock on the vanity shelf, red numbers glowing in the mist. âLittle over seven hours.â
You bite your lip and wriggle with excitement. âSeven hours,â you echo, straddling his lap, water gently sloshing around you. Joelâs hands move on instinct to your hips to steady you.Â
Thereâs a bar of your homemade shaving soap on the edge of the tub. You pick it up and lather it in your hands, the smell of yarrow blooming from your hands. The foam is rubbed over his jaw, and you scrape it in little circles gently. Joel closes his eyes, transporting back to so many months ago, when he was just beginning to feel more like himself, when his hands were still too tremorous, and he was too weak to shave himself. He felt so much for you, even then⊠your beauty, grace, and care lighting an eternal flame only for you. His body was barely mended and still frail, and yet his heart raced for you. The gentle physicality of your attention, how careful you were, how youâd pause to check his face, your fingertips leaving little spots of fire where you touched it.Â
Now, he watches you, the same care evident as you work slowly, scraping the razor down his cheek, wiping clean with a towel. Youâre so close he can feel your breath against his lips. Now, he gets to take you in slowly and greedily, his eyes roaming your beautiful face as you focus. He wants to memorize the moment and stay in the warm intimacy of it. Youâre focused, brows furrowed as you run the razor across his skin, trimming his beard to the perfect length. When youâre done, you lean in, brush your thumb along his jaw, and inspect your work. âGod, youâre handsome,â you sigh. Itâs so sincere it almost embarrasses him.
He grins bashfully, and you laugh at him. You set the razor aside and rinse your hands in the water, then slip further down his chest, body sliding against him. Joel kisses your forehead, hands moving over your back.Â
When the water gets too cool, you stand first and step out of the tub. You turn, extending your hand to help him. Joel takes it, forever grateful for the support as he navigates the tub edge with his stiff leg. He wraps you in your faded purple towel and stays there, holding you in his arms, your bodies slowly rocking back and forth in the steamy bathroom that smells of peppermint.Â
You both dress in the bedroom, Joel choosing a flannel and jeans, while you put on a light pink dress that makes you look even softer and more delicate. Youâre so gorgeous, Joel has to remind himself to breathe. You look perfect enough to marry right now.Â
Thereâs a loud thunk outside, and both of you cross the room to the window. Below, in the yard, a procession of wagons is arriving. People unloading chairs and tables from them. Itâs not even that big of a wedding, and yet it looks as if Mariaâs roped in whoever is available to help.Â
âOf course, Mariaâs already on it,â you say.Â
âI better go get Ellie up then.âÂ
You snort. âGood luck.â
He reluctantly pulls away from you, heading for the door. Joel turns to take one last look at you. Youâre still at the window, watching the organized chaos of the wedding preparation. In just a few hours, youâll be his wife.Â
â-
By the late morning, the house is in full wedding chaos mode. Wendy arrives with her arms full of makeup bags and hair brushes, rattling on about how beautiful a bride youâre going to be. You tell her to get set up in your old room and go to find Joel. Heâs outside, helping Tommy maneuver the arch into place, and you watch as the two brothers position it perfectly under the cherry tree beaming with pink petals. You let them share a silent nod of approval after they rock it back and forth to make sure itâs secure.Â
âHey,â you say.Â
Joel turns, a smile on his face. âHey, baby.â
âWendyâs here, and Iâm about to get ready.âÂ
He takes your hand, leading you somewhere more private, to the backyard, and into the dilapidated gardening shed opposite Ellieâs garage. He closes the door behind him, draws you in close, and holds you for a long minute.Â
âYou ready?â
You nod against his chest. âVery.âÂ
You can feel the slight nervousness vibrating through his touch, youâre on the same frequency as him. You both want this badly.Â
His lips brush against your forehead. âI love you,â he says against your skin.Â
You tilt your head up, taking in every handsome inch of his face⊠the wrinkles, crinkles, sunspots, and scars. âLove you too.âÂ
You share a kiss, unhurried and sweet, one that says see you at the end of the aisle, and I already miss you. Then, Joel leads you from the shed to the back door, where he gives you one last kiss. âSee you soon, Mrs. Miller.âÂ
You smile the whole way into the house and up the steps to where Wendyâs set up a miniature salon in your old bedroom. Brushes of all sorts and sizes are spread out amongst the desk top, quadrants of powders and creams are spaced next to each other. Small signs of the old world, from the ancient eyeshadow palettes, mixed with the new world, small pots of homemade pigmented lipstick. It feels so luxurious.Â
Wendy is kneeling on the floor, sorting through her arsenal of makeup and muttering in a running monologue about which shade of blush will work best with your skin tone. âYou need something that wonât get washed out with the sun,â she says, holding up two nearly identical pans of powder. âAlso, do you want to do a bold lip? Or, maybe something soft and classicââÂ
You cut her off, laughing, âI trust you, Wendy.â
The familiar sound of quick footsteps in the hall catches your attention. Thereâs a knock at the door. âItâs me,â Ellie calls.
âCome in.â
Ellieâs hair is styled much neater than it usually is, and sheâs still in her regular clothes, you know sheâll change into something nicer for the ceremony later. Her eyes travel across the room, taking in the way itâs been turned into a makeshift bridal salon.Â
âJoel forgot his jacket,â she explains. âHe sent me to get it. Said heâs not allowed to see you.â
âIâll show you where it is.â You lead Ellie across the hall to the bedroom you share with Joel. The bed is still unmade from this morning, the scent of the peppermint still lingers from your bath. Joelâs jacket is hanging in the closet, and you hand it to her.
For a second, she just stands there, shifting her weight from one foot to the other, clearly wanting to say something but not sure how to do it. You make it easy for her. âYour hair looks really nice,â you tell her.Â
Ellie shrugs, but sheâs pleased. âDina did it, said I canât mess it up at all.â
âYouâre both going to look amazing,â you say.Â
She nods, and then her face gets serious. âI wanted to say, uhâ"Â
She stalls out, then tries again. âJoel never really said it, but I know itâs a big deal. You and him.â A breath, deepening her voice. âHe does this thing where he tries not to show it, but heâs happier than Iâve ever seen him.â
âHe makes me happy, too,â you manage, throat tight, tears swelling behind your eyes, ready to tip over.Â
Ellie nods again. âI guess what Iâm saying isâ thanks. For everything.â
âYouâre welcome, kiddo,â you say, using Joelâs term of endearment for her without even thinking.
The familiar word unlocks something in Ellie, and she steps forward and wraps her arms around you in a tight hug.Â
âIâm so glad he found you.â
That simple sentence contains so many layers. You know what she means⊠glad he found someone to love, glad he found someone who accepts who he is and what heâs done, glad heâs found someone who could save him. Tears begin to edge your eyes at the enormity of what sheâs saying, at the almost blessing sheâs giving.Â
You squeeze her back. âMe too,â you whisper.
She gives you a quick nod, then turns and leaves, Joelâs jacket clutched to her chest.
You stand there for a moment, fighting back the tears that threaten to ruin whatever makeup Wendy is about to apply. When you return to your old bedroom, Wendy looks up from her array of supplies. âEverything okay?â she asks, noting your misty eyes.
âEverythingâs perfect,â you assure, settling into the chair sheâs positioned in front of the mirror.
Wendy stands behind you, hair brush in one hand, blush brush in the other, lifting like theyâre weapons ready for battle.Â
âReady, bride?â she asks.
âNever been more ready.â
â-
Joel pulls at the sleeves of his jacket and adjusts the collar of his white shirt. He checks his pocket, double-checking for the piece of paper with the few sentences he wrote, just in case he forgets his vows. For a second, heâs nervous. Real nervousâthe kind of nervous that makes his fingers numb. But he breathes deep, soon heâll get to see his bride.
He remembers standing in a church decades ago, wearing a suit that didnât fit, a heavy pit of dread inside his chest. Itâs different now. Thereâs only a sort of rightness, a feeling like the years and every loss have built up to this perfect moment with you.Â
He tries to look calm, though heâs sure heâs showing his impatience. He eyes the crowdâwhat passes for a crowd these days, maybe thirty people, faces he knows, some he even likes. A few he only tolerates for your sake.Â
The day is perfect. The skyâs so bright and blue it almost hurts to look at. The soft, steady breeze brings up the sweet scent of fresh grass and spring flowers. He swears he can smell the bright purple flowers from Sarahâs garden across the yard. His eyes drift over to the small garden, just beginning to show signs of life. The purple aster bush is thriving amongst the small green shoots that are emerging like promises of beauty to come. The familiar pang in his chest shows the ache that sets in when he thinks of his daughter. She would have loved you. She would have been right here with him today, probably fussing over his outfit or teaming up with Ellie to tease him about being nervous.
Thereâs movement on the porch, but itâs only Jefferson claiming his spot on the railing, a small black bow tie that you knitted around his neck. Itâs almost as if the catâs fully aware of his important role in the proceedings, so dignified and yet so ridiculous.Â
He glances at Tommy, who sits in the front row with his hands clasped in front of him. His little brother gives him a singular nod, and Joel knows he means it: youâre getting everything youâve ever wanted, brother.Â
Thereâs a hush over the crowd when Wendy walks out of the house and sends Ellie a tiny nod. Ellie takes her position and picks up her guitar, the same one Joel carved the moth into all those years ago. An awkward cord is played, but then itâs steady. She plays the old wedding march, not perfect, but with enough force and conviction to make Joelâs throat close up a little.Â
Joel glances at Maria, who stands behind the arch, officiant for the day. She smiles at him, her eyes already shining.Â
The door to the house opens.Â
This is it. After everything. The loss. The violence. The near-death moments. The healing. The secret held. The forgiveness. This is the moment when his new life begins.Â
He canât move. You step out in a dress, so simple and bright, white with delicate lace atop it. Itâs not elaborate or ornate, itâs so perfectly you that Joel canât imagine anything more beautiful. Thereâs a single purple aster blossom in your hair. Around your neck gleams the ruby necklace he gave you for your birthday. In your hands, you hold the wildflowers he picked.Â
His vision begins to blur, and Joel feels the tears form in his eyes. He blinks them away and takes a deep breath. You descend the front steps slowly and turn, your eyes meeting his. The small smile across your lips is delicate and confident, the look in your eyes is full of pure love.Â
Every guest turns to watch you, faces lighting up with smiles and whispered appreciations, but Joel barely notices them. His focus is entirely, completely on you.
The breeze picks up as you make your way down the makeshift aisle between the chairs, and the air fills with pink petals. Cherry blossoms swirl around you, catching in your hair and on the shoulder of your dress, as if the tree itself is celebrating this moment. Itâs so perfect it almost feels staged, but Joel knows betterâheâs never had luck like this.
You stop at the front row, hand your bouquet to Dina, who takes it with a wide smile. Then you step forward to stand with Joel. Now he can see every detail of you, the shimmer on your eyelids, the rosiness of your lips, the brightness in your eyes. He wants to pinch himself, to make him realize that this is indeed all real. Heâs never felt more alive.
â-
Your handsome Joel stands before you, his hands in yours. Cherry blossom petals dance around you, some landing on Joelâs shoulders and his hair. Mariaâs words float through the air in the clear and confident cadence sheâs perfected. âThis is what we fight for every day. Not just survival, but moments like this.â
Itâs almost hard to believe, this wedding isnât part of a fairy tale or fiction, itâs real. Heâs right here, with his lined face and rough-knuckled hands. Heâs all you can look at, everything else is just background noise⊠the guests, the chairs, even the pink petals that fall.Â
Maria nods to Joel to recite his vow, and he begins to speak after a quiet throat clear and a sigh of your name. âI promise to protect you. To stand by you. To love you for as long as Iâm breathinâ.â His thumbs brush against your knuckles as he speaks. âYaâ saved my life in so many ways ân Iâll spend the rest of it tryinâ to be worthy of that.âÂ
You canât help the quiet, happy sob that hiccups out of you. Joelâs never been verbose, heâs never needed to be. He lets his silent strength and resolve speak for him, but thereâs a depth of his feeling in the gentle cadence of his voice, the slight tremble of his hands, in the way his eyes never leave yours.Â
When itâs your turn, the words are easily said, straight from your heart. âI promise to heal you when youâre hurt, to support you when youâre strong, and to love you through all of it. I promise to make each day weâre together worth living, not just surviving.â
Joelâs eyes are filled to the brim with tears, and one falls down his cheek, charting its way down and dripping onto the tan of his jacket.Â
Maria holds out her hand, and Benji rushes forward, placing both rings in her palm, a task he was very proud to do since he was told it was his responsibility. Joelâs wedding band is simple and golden, a miracle that it fit when Maria found it in the town safe. You slide it over his finger, and it gleams in the sunlight, a perfect tether to the love you share. He takes your hand in his and slips your engagement ring back onto your finger.Â
âI now pronounce you husband and wife.â
Joelâs already reaching for you, hands finding your waist before Maria can even say âyou may kiss your bride.â
You fall into his lips, just like the first time he kissed you. Itâs soft and slow at first, but then his hands frame your face, and his lips press harder. The crowd erupts, full of raucous joy. You giggle into his mouth, and when he pulls away, the smile on his face takes your breath away. Wide and joyous, reaching his eyes and crinkling the corners, softening every hard line of his weathered face. Youâve seen him smile countless times, but never like this. He looks younger, more unburdened⊠like Joel without carrying the weight of the apocalypse on his shoulders.Â
The next minutes are a blur: hugs and handshakes and all the faces youâve come to know, some tear-streaked and some wide with smiles. Tommy slaps Joel on the back with so much force that he winces and laughs, shaking his head like he canât believe any of this is real.Â
You find your way through the crowd to the porch and into the house, where Joel shuts the door behind him. Now itâs just husband and wife in the sweet silence of their home. He gathers you in his big arms, squeezing you tight. âAre you happy?â he asks.Â
âMore than I ever imagined,â you answer against the softness of his jacket.Â
He leans down and rests his forehead against yours. âMe too, baby.â
â-
The musicâs already pouring out of the speakers borrowed from The Tipsy Bison when you and Joel step back out from the quiet of your home. The neighbors donât mind the noise. Today, they welcome it, this rare burst of unbridled happiness in a world that tries all it can to snuff out such celebrations.
Not only is the music pouring, but the drinks are already too. A makeshift bar stands near the porch steps, bottles of whiskey, wine, and beer lined in neat rows. Sometimes it pays to be Maria Millerâs in-law.
Ellieâs at the bar, and when she catches sight of Joel, she runs over, two glasses of whiskey in her half-covered by her tuxedo jacket hand, and reaches one out to Joel.
âCheers, you two,â she grins.
Joel takes it, and with a tilt of his chin, raises it to her. âThanks, kiddo,â he says. She knocks her glass against his, and they both take a slow sip. He hands you the glass and keeps his eyes on you, watching as your lips form around the glass. You tip your head back and take a sip, cough just a little, then put your hand to your chest. âJesus, thatâs strong.â
You gather Jefferson in your arms and kiss the top of his head, and Joel pets the chin of the cat he loves. The glass of whiskey is nursed in his hand, gold ring sometimes clinking against the tumbler. Itâs a good whiskey, and it hits harder when sipped under the glare of new sunlight, new happiness. Heâs not the youngest man at the party, but heâs the happiest, heâs certain of that.
You two donât even get a chance to leave the porch yet, guests approach, offering congratulations that Joel accepts with nods and small smiles. His face isnât used to the strain of happiness, itâs almost painful in the unfamiliarity. Dr. V shakes his hand firmly. Steven congratulates you and tells you to enjoy your honeymoon. Wendy hugs you both, her enthusiasm nearly knocking the two of you off balance.
The whole front yard has been transformed. Tables are scattered across the lawn, topped with candles and jars filled with flowers. A painted sheet hangs from the garage, it declares âMR & MRS MILLERâ with flowers trailing along the edges. Ellieâs work.
People keep pressing in, offering handshakes, hugs, loud congratulations. Joel barely gets through a conversation before a new one starts. He lets you talk, lets you entertain, and be the glowing center of the universe. Itâs hard to look away from you. His arm has set up permanent residence around your waist as you let people shower you with congratulations and compliments.
âHowâre you holdinâ up?â he murmurs to you between well-wishers, his lips close to your ear.
âPerfect,â you whisper back.
The sun has begun its slow descent, and Tommy stands on a chair, clinking a knife against his bottle until the crowd quiets. "Alright, folks,â he announces. âItâs time for these two to have their first dance as husband and wife.â
Joel knew this was bound to happen, and yet heâs still nervous. He sure as hell doesnât like a lot of eyes on him, but today isnât about what heâs comfortable with. Itâs about you and the beautiful thing youâve built together.
He sets his glass down on a nearby table and holds out his hand to you. âDance with me, Mrs. Miller?â
Your smile nearly buckles his knees as you take his hand, letting him lead you to the makeshift dance floor in the driveway. Itâs not a polished wood floor, itâs not under a chandelier, itâs a crunchy gravel driveway lit by candles and some overhead string lights, but it might as well be the fanciest ballroom.
Joel nods to Jesse, who hits play on the song. He tugs you in close, his hand at the small of your back, palm splayed, thumb finding the seam of fabric where your dress zips. The deep, dulcet tone of Johnny Cashâs voice begins to drift out over the speakers, and Joel thinks itâs the most perfect song for this moment.
The first time ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave
To the dark and the endless skies
He remembers that first time so clearly, even if he was in the midst of his convalescence. You, backlit by the sun shining in through the windows and the pink petals of the cherry tree. Your silhouette was all he could make sense of at first, eyes still adjusting to consciousness. Then, as his vision cleared, he awakened to your beautiful face, focused as you knitted beside the bed he lay in. He couldnât stop staring at you, trying to assure himself that he was indeed still alive, that you werenât some sort of divine being keeping watch over his broken body. He hadnât known then that he was looking at his future, at his salvation.
âDo you like the song?â he asks.
You look up at him, every inch of your face bright, eyes glistening, smile blooming even wider than he knew you had in you. âMore than anything.â
All around, the crowd watches, but Joel pays no mind to them. He doesnât care that heâs not a good dancer, that his steps might falter a bit without his cane. You make it easy. You make everything easy.
Joel presses his lips against your forehead, whispering the lyrics against your skin. âAnd the first, every I lay with you. I felt your heart so close to mine. And I know our joy, would fill the earth. And last till the end of time.â
The crowd claps when the song ends, but Joel doesnât let go. He kisses your lips, and you smile when you pull away, tiny tears tracking down your cheek.
For once, people arenât looking at Joel and seeing all his losses, all his grief. Theyâre seeing what he has now, who heâs become⊠all thanks to you, his wife.
â-
The food is spread out on a long table, and itâs hard to believe itâs all for you. You said you wanted Italian food, and Seth and the kitchen crew surely listened. There are stacks of pizza, garlic knots swimming in butter, and trays of spaghetti.
Thereâs a table set apart for you and Joel, right next to the cherry tree. Someoneâs even placed a fancy 3-tiered candleabra atop it. Your plates overflow with pizza and spaghetti. A simple meal, one that could almost be described as not fancy enough for a wedding, but for you and Joel, in the middle of an apocalypse, itâs perfect. You slide onto the bench beside Joel, and he keeps his hand on your knee at any chance he gets.
âHow you feeling, Mrs. Miller?â
âLike Iâm dreaming,â you admit.
âNot a dream. But I know what you mean.â
The music fades out, and Tommy stands in the middle of the yard. âI just wanted to say a couple things about my brother,â he starts. âSomeone Iâve known my whole life, and in this world, I feel pretty damn lucky to say.â He swallows the lump in his throat, and his dark brown, almost familiar eyes find yours. âAs yâall know, Iâwe, almost lost him just a year ago, but by some miracle he was saved⊠and now I feel as if heâs never been more alive. Heâs a stubborn son of a bitch,â Tommy continues, earning a ripple of laughter from the crowd. âAnd I say that as a compliment. Iâve never seen him happier than he is now. So, letâs raise a glass for Joel and his beautiful bride. May they have this happiness for the rest of their time left on this earth.â
Glasses are raised, and the crowd roars in agreement. You see Joel swallow hard, the gold band on his finger glinting in the light as he raises his own glass and nods at Tommy. Itâs perfect.
Then, to your surprise, Dr. V, your steadfast mentor, rises. He takes the same spot Tommy stood, and adjusts his glasses.
âIn our world, weâve learned to value all forms of healing. Sometimes thatâs mending a wound, setting a bone. Sometimes, itâs bringing people together and giving them a reason to hope. You and Joel remind us that even after everything, life can be beautiful again. So on behalf of every broken thing youâve fixed, and every patient whoâs walked out of the clinic with a little more hope, thank you. We wish you both a long, long life together.â
You choke up at his words. Joel wraps his arm around your shoulder, pulls you in closer, and kisses the crown of your head.
You never thought youâd get to love and be loved.
You never thought youâd get to be celebrated.
You never thought youâd get a wedding.
How lucky you are.
â-
Everything around Joel is glowing. Candles flicker across every surface, string lights tethered from one tree to the next radiate, and his bride, held in his arms, shines the brightest. A classic oldie with a soft jazzy pattern sings how sheâs in the mood for love as Joel, and you sway across the gravel.
Heâs now part of one of those couples who move together on the dance floor, itâs something Joel never really even noticed, until he had you. Itâs something he swore heâd never want, all the normalcy of couples and weddings and dancing, yet in this moment, he wants nothing else. He wants every night to feel like this, to have all these happy memories, no matter how tiny or huge, to end the same way, with your head against his chest.
Thereâs nothing left for him to prove. Nothing left but simple facts of his life: his legs and back always ache, his heart is full, and his wife is smiling up at him in the golden light of the evening. For the first time in so long, he lets the happiness settle inside. Lets his lips press to your ear, lets the wedding guests and music make him feel like heâs in one of those Technicolor movies you love, lets his hand flow from your waist to your back and run in small circles.
Two songs later, you and Joel gather behind a tall table, the too-big-for-30-guests wedding cake stands tall and chocolatey, as requested by Ellie. Atop the top tier sit the wooden figures Joel carved, a man and woman. Simple shapes, but handmade with each cut carved with love.
Maria hands him a silver-plated knife, probably scavenged from some abandoned mansion, kept polished and cared for because Jackson can celebrate. Your hand wraps around his on the handle, and you collectively cut into the cake. The crowd cheers, some whistle and woo. Cutting a cake is such a simple thing, and yet a cake means celebration, even more so now.
He slices the first piece. You balance it on the spatula then plop it on the plate, and for a second, he tenses, half-expecting you to start a food fight, but you just lift the fork and feed him a bite.
Itâs good. Damn good.
You dab the corner of his mouth with your finger, licking the icing off and humming in appreciation. He returns the favor, pressing a forkful to your lips and watching you savor it.
Then, you lean in and kiss him, chocolate on your tongue, and thereâs even more cheers from the crowd.
The music plays on, SolĂĄna and Jesse man the stereo, playing everything from The Cure to Roberta Flack to The Velvet Underground. Everybody flows to and from the dance floor as the sun begins to set behind the mountains.
Joelâs arms lock tighter around you, and you burrow even closer to his chest. You hum along to the song, softly singing âfade into you, strange you never knew.â The sound of it, pressed up against him, makes a sense of accomplishment unfurl inside him. Joel Miller finally got the girl.
His eyes meet Ellieâs across the dance floor as she and Dina slow dance. Her chin lifts, her cocky grin meeting his when they trade their victories across the other dancers. They both got their girls.
â-
You and Joel drift from tables to groups to the dance floor, making your way through the clusters of friends and neighbors that have come to celebrate you both. People stop you to talk, to hug, to laugh, or to ask you what it feels like to be a Miller now. Joelâs hand stays planted on the small of your back, heâs never farther than armâs reach. When you leave one group, heâll lean in and whisper how good you look or how much he loves you.
Dr. V finds you two by the drinks table, holding a glass of water. He looks at you over his spectacles, nods at Joel, then back to you. âI expect you to enjoy your week off. Donât even think about the clinic.â You protest that youâll miss it, but he waves a hand. âYouâve more than earned it. The town will still be here.â He shakes Joelâs hand, claps him on the shoulder, and says, âTake good care of her.â
Joel just nods, but you can see the pride in his face.
When the sun is completely gone and the stars blanket the sky, a couple of fire pits are hauled out and lit. People play cards at the tables, dance in the driveway, cheers and drink around the fires, and make memories, all because you and Joel fell in love.
The air gets that Wyoming night chill, and even though you donât mention it, Joel feels you shiver and immediately excuses himself. He comes back with your favorite blue flannel of his, and he helps you into it. You donât button it, you just tie it around your waist, grinning when you roll up the oversized sleeves on you. Joel grins too, eyes flicking up and down with a possessive look.
When âHeart of Goldâ begins playing, Joel doesnât wait for you to ask him to dance. He takes your hand and leads you to a patch of driveway, one arm wrapped around your waist, the other holding your hand against his chest. He starts to sway, softly singing along with the lyrics, all rough and low, an almost growl.
You look up at him, and the firelight makes his eyes almost golden. Youâre right there, suspended in a perfect moment with your handsome husband, dancing outside your beautiful home after the end of the world.
Itâs well past everyoneâs bedtime, and the party begins to fade as the fires die down to coals and the candle wax begins to pool on surfaces. You and Joel stay outside the whole wedding. He keeps his arm around your shoulders as you say goodbye to your guests, and you lean against him, never wanting to forget how tonight feels.
Youâll never have a night like tonight again, but youâll have the rest of your life being loved by Joel Miller.
â-
After the last toast, the last dance, the last flicker of candles, the wedding is over. Joel stands in the doorway of his house, surveying the celebration still laid out across his yard: the arch still draped in flowers, glasses scattered across surfaces, stray flower petals strewn across the lawn. His eyes donât linger on the mess outside for long. Itâs late, and his body is aching in all the old, familiar places.
He closes the door behind him, and you stand in the foyer slipping your heels off with an oof of relief. Thereâs a silence after all the hours of music and laughter, and he welcomes it. He shrugs off his trusty, old tan jacket, itâs been through hell and back with him, itâs only right that it gets to be part of a day like today. He hangs it on the hook, then moves to the couch, plopping down on the cushions with a grunt. He bends over, sighs, and starts untying his boots.
You pad over, barefoot, your white dress trailing over the hardwood. You pull his flannel off, and then youâre dropping down atop him, back meeting his chest, the white of your dress spilling across his lap.
Joel wraps his arms around you, breathing you and the night in⊠all sage, vanilla, woodsmoke, and something sweet. Your head tips back, lips finding his, and you kiss him, lingering, with zero rush, like you know that you have the rest of your life to do this.
His hands slide up the front of your dress, palming at the lace stretched across your breasts. You moan, and the sound you make punches right through him, tightening something low in his belly. You rock atop him, hips rolling against the press of him.
âStill in your dress,â he mutters against your mouth.
âMm.â You writhe again. âYou object?â
He doesnât answer, just buries his face into your neck instead, mouth dragging slowly across the slope of it, teeth grazing against your skin. You shudder, arching up into his hands, head falling back against his shoulder.
Outside, the wind moves through the cherry tree. The whole town is dark and sleeping, and none of it touches him here. Finally, he can have you all to himself.
âMrs. Miller,â he whispers against your ear. âLetâs go upstairs.â
He loves the way you move when you know youâre about to get fucked by him. How your entire body orients towards him, eyes growing hungry and dark. You rise from the couch, offer your hand, and shoot him a smile that tells him youâve been waiting for this moment.
Joel grabs a few extra candles from the dining room table and follows you up the stairs. He thinks about grabbing you, slinging you over his shoulder just to hear you giggle, but instead, he follows. He likes watching the sway of your hips as you take each step.
The bedroom is dark, but the bright moonlight shining through the window polishes the room in a silver glow. Joel lights a few candles, and the room lights, the flames gilding the room in aureate flickers.
You walk to him, and each step forward makes him go dry in the mouth. His bride shines. Youâre so beautiful, he can hardly stand it. His hands plant at your hips, your hands wrapping around his neck. Thereâs a hum between you when he lowers his head and kisses you, tasting the perfect night on your lips. He wonders how he ever lived without you, how youâve made him a new man, and yet embraced every scar he holds. It makes him dizzy and even needier for you. He canât get enough. He kisses you slowly, hands moving from your waist to the small of your back.
Tonight, he wants to remember every second. He means to take it slow, savor every sweet moment and inch of you. But, youâre insistent, tongue sweeping into his mouth, hands fisting the front of his shirt. He chuckles into the kiss, and then the laughter dies when you nip his bottom lip, tugging just enough to make him groan.
He nuzzles along your jaw, trails kisses down your neck, and lets his tongue feel the flutter of your pulse. He never thought he could hold and touch something so precious, not in all his life. His mouth moves lower, lips pressing to the curve of your collarbone, the swell of your chest above the lace. You swallow a gasp, and Joel smiles against your skin.
His hands map down the body he treasures, the curve of your waist, the flare of your hips, and he settles onto the floor with a grunt. He tries to fight, his joints protest, but heâs earned every ache today. He wants to worship you like this, and when he looks up at you, youâre haloed by the candles and moonlight. Heâs mystified, almost dumbstruck by your beauty. You look down at him, hand sliding into his hair, fingers curling around his tendrils. Heâs on his knees before you, a man at the altar, and he worships you, his wife. Heâs sure heâs in heaven because youâre surely an angel.
He runs his hands up your ankles, your calves, your knees. He gathers the white fabric of your dress as he travels higher and higher up your thighs until itâs bunched up at your hips. Thatâs when he first spots the light blue little scrap of nothing and he freezes.
âJesus,â he breathes.
Joelâs brain goes fuzzy for a second, only able to process the way it hugs your skin, the damp patch of wet already crowning your cotton-covered cunt. He leans in, hands bracing your thighs, and presses his face to the damp fabric, and breathes. You smell so fucking good, so heady and warm, inviting and ready for him. He lets his nose press, then pushes his tongue against the damp fabric, tasting the heat and desire. You shiver and he holds you, kneads the flesh of your thighs, and then licks again, up and down the cleft of you, tonguing at the seam of the thong.
He can feel the high keen you let out when he pulls the thin blue scrap aside, and his tongue laps at your clit. He sucks and licks, savoring you until you begin to tremble.
âJoel. Please. I just⊠I want you, I need to feel you.â
He gives you one last long, slow lick, just to hear you whimper, then rises. Itâs not graceful. His knees crack, and the ache shoots up his leg, but he ignores it. Instead, his hands slide up your body until he can cup your face in both palms and kiss you, imparting your taste on your lips.
Your hands run along his chest. âI want to feel you,â you say, eyes and voice needy. He helps you with the buttons of his shirt, your fingers stumbling over the last two, his hands covering yours to steady them. The shirt falls, and youâre already moving to his jeans, the buckle, the button, and then the zip. He watches your face the whole time, the concentration across it, the want and the need. He steps out of his jeans, kicks them aside.
He reaches for you, turning you, finger trailing from your neck down the line of your spine. He finds the tiny zipper tab and draws it down slowly. Itâs a small rasp that echoes through the room as the dress loosens. The beautiful lace falls down your body, landing on the floor, and you step forward out of the white circle. Joel grunts a deep sound of approval when he takes you all in. His bride, in the silver and gold of the bedroom he shares with you.
He sits at the edge of the mattress, and you stand between his legs, and all he can do is stare at you with awe. You reach back and remove your bra, and he arches forward, pressing his nose against the valley of your breasts, kissing your soft skin there as he breathes the scent of you in.
Joel hooks his thumbs into the sides of your little, blue thong, drawing it down and off. He leans back, hands bracing behind him on the mattress, just so he can look. He has to close his eyes for just a second, just to make sure this is all real. When he opens them, youâre watching him, lips parted, eyes roaming his face. Everything heâs gone through, the losses, the lies, the revelations, everything has culminated in this perfect moment.
Youâre a masterpiece, and when you settle atop him, thighs pressing against his hips, he canât imagine anyone luckier in this world. Youâve brought him back to life, made him believe in miracles and redemption.
âMy beautiful wife,â he growls.
âMy handsome husband,â you echo with a grin.
He flips you with a twist and a growl, landing you gently on the mattress. Youâre spread across the gray of the sheets, limbs restless and waiting for him. He covers your body with his, settling between your thighs, your warmth meeting his. He kisses you all over, down to your chest. He latches onto your nipple, sucks, bites, soothes with a kiss.
He slides his hand between your thighs, groaning at how soaked you are for him. He collects it, wraps his hand around his cock, and drags the head of it through your slick. He canât help the grit of his jaw, the fluttering of his eyelids. Youâre so ready for him.
âJoel,â you moan.
He pushes in, slow, so fucking slow. Your body pulls him in, inch by inch, until his hips meet yours. He holds, forearms braced on either side of your head, forehead dropped to yours, and just breathes in the sweetness of you.
âBaby,â he groans, and starts to slink in and out. Long and deep. Hips rolling, drawing and pressing, savoring and clenching. Your legs lift and wrap around him, heels pressing into his back.
For so long, he shunned tender things, flinched away from being known. And then, you came into his life and changed it forever.
Joel drops his chest to yours, burying his face in your neck and breathes and moves. âMrs. Miller,â he says into your neck. He moves deeper, harder, fucking you in long, sweet strokes, your cunt squeezing him. His spine fills with the pressure, thighs tightening, hips stuttering. He reaches between your bodies, thumb against your clit, circling it and you answer it with a desperate, sharp moan of his name.
Youâre close. He can feel it, the grip of you, the way your hips lift to meet him. Youâre whimpering his name over and over, tears filling your eyes at the overwhelming pleasure youâre giving each other.Â
âI know,â he grits. âI know, baby. I got you, baby.â
He keeps the pressure, keeps the rhythm, keeps his eyes on yours even as his vision starts to blur. Heâs full of pleasure, an enormous and inevitable feeling of bliss beginning to crest.Â
You lose yourself first. Back arching, thighs clamping, pussy pulsing around his cock. He loses himself with you, driving in deep before he holds, whole body locking and he spills into you with a long groan that presses directly against your lipsâ
âMrs. Miller.â
He stays buried inside you, shared aftershocks quaking between you as you breathe each other in. He begins to rock the smallest movement of his hips, slowly working his cum deeper into you. Youâre a mess of wet between your legs, and he just wants to let himself drown in the love and desperation you hold for him for a little bit longer.
Joel never thought heâd get something like this, never thought heâd get to live past the world ending, let alone have a home, a wife, a life like this. He thinks of all the years lost, all the times he turned away from things that felt good because he was scared to lose them. If he lost you now, itâd kill him, but he canât imagine living another day without you. Not ever again.
â-
âMrs. Miller.â
The growl of your new name pulls you from sleep. Youâre caged in Joelâs arms, your back to his warm chest. You blink in the early morning light and roll to face him. His hair is a mess, his cheek is pillow-creased, eyes barely open but already crinkling at the corners when he sees your face.
âGood morning, Mr. Miller,â you brush the words against his mouth.
The smile that breaks across his face is the one you love most. Wide, the deep lines of it carving all the way up to his eyes. He looks like a man who slept well and woke up to exactly what he wanted.
He hums against your mouth when you kiss him. But he doesnât let it last long.
He pulls back, smile planted firmly. âWe should start getting ready,â he suggests, a pleased teasing in his voice.
You blink. âReady for what?â
âHoneymoon.â
You stare at him. âHuh?â
He doesnât answer, he just moves, rolls out of bed with only a small grunt, and crosses the room to the closet, totally unabashedly naked, besides his gold wedding band.
He pulls out a large duffel bag and a backpack.
âCome on, Mrs. Miller, we have a trip to go on."
Pairing: Jackson Joel Miller x Doctor Female Reader
Chapter Rating: Explicit. 18+ (Minors DNI)
Chapter Summary: After everything you and Joel have been through together⊠saving his life, healing him, learning his darkest secret, and still choosing him, after building this life together⊠the actual act of marrying him seems like the easiest thing in the world.
Chapter Warnings: wedding planning, maria plz be my best friend, smut, blow job, face sitting, p in v sex
Words: 5,100
A/N: Thank you to @schnarfer and @mothandpidgeon, for all of the love, notes, and support they've given me, their wobbly fellow winged being.
Healed Masterlist | Healed Playlist | Healed, The Video Edit | AO3
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Previous Chapter
â-
You said goodbye to Joel this morning at the stables. Only this time, he was leaving, not you. His hands bracketed your jaw, palms cradling your face, thumbs tracing your cheeks as he leaned in and kissed you. âSânothing dangerous,â he promised against your lips. âWeâll be back before sundown.â
You nodded and kissed him one last time before he swung himself onto his horse. There was a slight wince, you caught it, before Joel could quickly replace it with the stubborn hardness of his jaw that told you there was no way you were going to talk him out of it.
âBe careful,â youâd whispered, hand against his thigh.
âAlways am.â
He clicked his horse into a trot and gave you one last look before following Tommy through the gates. Anxiety and pride pumped through your heart as you watched the gates shut behind them. Was it foolish to let the man you love leave the protection of Jackson the day before your wedding?
âYou still with me?â Maria asks, pulling you back to the present⊠into Ellieâs old room, now a makeshift wedding supply storage room.
âSorry,â you say, mind still drifting to the replay of Joelâs back as he rode away. You want to focus on the moment, the wedding tomorrow, but you still hold that anxiety, with all the things that could go wrong.
Maria catches you zoning out again. âHeâll be fine,â she says, knowing exactly where your mind has gone to. âBoth of them are the most capable men here, and thatâs even with Joelâs injuries.â
Thereâs always been a kinship with Maria, possibly from the first day you met her, and she instantly found value in your skill. But thereâs a different kind of kinship now, a sisterhood built on shared history.
âI know theyâll be fine,â you say, glancing out at the arch now moved underneath the cherry tree. âI just wish it werenât today.â
âHey, when the Miller boys want something, they get it,â she says it with the exact certainty of a woman whoâs spent years loving and dealing with the same strong-willed Miller genes as you. âNow come on, thereâs a ton of boxes that need to get downstairs.â
The dining room table fills with more and more supplies as you and Maria carry the wedding supplies down the stairs, arms and legs growing tired with each trip. Soon, the dining table disappears beneath vases of all heights and colors, alongside jars wrapped in twine and ribbon. A cardboard box spills over with candles⊠some brand new, others half-burned from previous celebrations. Thereâs even a metal pail filled with fresh spring flowers that Sadie from the nursery was happy to provide.
âFeel like weâre close to being done,â Maria says, assessing the room. âHow are the nerves?â
âNot bad, Iâm just ready.â
After everything you and Joel have been through together⊠saving his life, healing him, learning his darkest secret, and still choosing him, after building this life together⊠the actual act of marrying him seems like the easiest thing in the world.
Mariaâs eyes and her smile are warm. âYouâve been good for him. For all of us, really. And youâre officially getting the extended Miller clan tomorrow,â she says with a laugh. âGod help you.â
Truth is, the Millers and Ellie have felt like family from the get-go, all of you brought together by your shared love and experiences with a gruff, caring, old man. Joel has given you so much, and tomorrow heâll give you a wedding.
The to-do list grows shorter and shorter as the day goes... numbers and bullet points getting crossed out with each completed task. Mariaâs a huge help, helping more than she needs to, and you suspect she knows youâd spiral about Joel leaving if left to your own devices. Sheâs spent the whole morning with you, being your right-hand woman.
The window outside the kitchen shows the silhouettes of the mountains against the blue sky. You pour yourself and Maria a cup of tea and imagine Joel and Tommy somewhere out there, two dark specks against the gold and green of the valley, riding together, communicating in that wordless Miller way. The overbearing weight of your worrying doesnât sit with you anymore, the steady confidence that you hold for Joel settles in. Heâs strong and capable, a man whoâs beaten death, a man whoâs survived.
Youâre unplugging the stereo system, quietly swearing at the tangled nest of black and red cables, when thereâs a knock on the door after lunch, Wendy stands on the porch, arms cradling a dark green sheet, white lace peeking out from the edges. You quickly usher her in⊠even though Joelâs miles away by now.
When the three of you reach your old room, Wendy lets the green sheet fall to the floorboards, revealing your dress hanging from a hanger. It glows with an almost ethereal radiance in the bright sunlight.
Maria gasps at the sight of it, hands clapped over her mouth. âJesus. Itâs perfect,â she says.
A white beacon of love covered in lace now hangs against the wood of your old closet. Thereâs something special about this moment. Three women of different backgrounds and stories, survivors of the world trying to end over and over again, looking at a beautiful dress that youâll wear when you marry the man you love.
âAnd, thatâs not the best part,â Wendy says, shrugging her backpack off and dropping it on your desk. âSomething old,â she says, reaching in and pulling out a pair of white heels that look impossibly clean. Theyâre perfect⊠not too high and in your size. âHad these in the back of my closet waiting for the perfect time.â
She doesnât stop there. âSomething new and blue,â hand diving back in to reveal a skimpy scrap of light blue lace and hands it to you.
Your eyebrows rise when you hold up the barely there fabric, and Maria cackles with joy. âYouâre going to kill my poor brother-in-law,â she grins. âI swear Benji was conceived the day I traded for a new thong.â
You place all of your wedding accouterments into the closet and take one last look at your dress before the three of you make your way downstairs. Wendy leaves first, smiling widely, telling you sheâll see you tomorrow to help you get ready, and when Maria leaves, she hugs you tight. âNever expected Joel ever to marry,â she says, âbut I thank all of my lucky stars that heâs marrying you.â
â-
Joel canât get enough of the air out here, he breathes in each breath deeper and deeper. Itâs different outside of Jackson. Fresher. Cleaner.
He loves Jackson, it's given him so much, and yet he can't help but sometimes feel caged by the imposing walls⊠almost like heâs stuck back in the quarantine zone, but this time, instead of despair and survival, heâs happy and healthy. But thereâs still something about being out here, the breeze blowing slightly across his face, the world wide and rolling before him. The mountains that surround him have been here far longer than Jackson has stood, than the cordyceps and the end of the world they brought, than humanityâs need to survive. He adjusts his weight with a grunt, trying to ease the dull ache in his leg when he pauses to look through the binoculars and scan the trees.
âYou good?â Tommy asks.
âYeah. Just the usual,â Joel says.
The two brothers ride along the ridge, following the trail along the lake that mirrors the bright blue sky. They follow a small offshoot, a babbling brook that leads to a small lake. Itâs just how Joel remembers, and he smiles at the thought of showing you this secret place. Color is everywhere, random tapestries of bright wildflowers, dotting the meadows and trails in various hues. Tommy lowly whistles, pulling Joelâs attention to a herd of elk in the distance, drinking from the stream. Life continuing, adapting, surviving, just like them.
Soon, they reach the reason why theyâve come all this way. Joel smiles at the sight of it, this little hidden spot that very few people in Jackson know about. âSâperfect, just how I remembered it,â he says.
Tommy nods. âMike and Chris will head out and get it all ready for you.â
The idea of you finally seeing what heâs done for you lights something inside his heart. It still amazes him sometimes how much he wants to please you. There was a time when he thought that part of him was forever gone, the part that took joy in making someone else happy, that planned surprises and looked forward to shared moments. But then, there was Ellie, who put salve on his old wounds, with each moment he made her happy; and then you, who healed him of all that ailed him, and made him want to always make someone smile.
He tsks his horse back into a trot, excitement bubbling in his stomach as he and Tommy begin the journey back toward Jackson. He canât stop thinking about how by this time tomorrow, heâll have stood beneath the cherry tree in his yard, watched you walk toward him in your wedding dress, and promised to be his for whatever years he has left.
After Sarah, after the outbreak, after Tess and the Fireflies and everything with Ellie, after being pulled back from death, he never thought heâd be here. Getting married. Loving and not just merely surviving. His leg begins to throb as the horses descend the steeper part of the trail. Heâs used to this pain, itâs a constant for him, a silent companion that flares and recedes and never leaves. But heâs made his peace with it, because strangely, heâs almost grateful for it. Every twinge reminds him how close he came to never feeling anything again, and what heâs gained from his survival.
Heâs gained you.
The days of recovery turned into weeks and months, and with each day that passed, Joel fell for you. First, it was your hands⊠changing his bandages, wiping away the sweat from his fevers, stitching what was broken across his body. Then, it was your voice⊠letting him know heâd be okay, reading to him, humming sweetly. Then, the sight of you⊠your beauty that he could see when he was finally able to open his eyes again, your smile, the stubborn hope across your face. The pain led him to you, and for that, he can bear it gladly.
Joel and Tommy ride in silence, before they reach the meadow a few miles before Jackson. Joel hops off the horse, wincing slightly when he lands on the soft ground. He pulls his knife out of his pocket and begins to collect the wildflowers blooming in front of him. Tommy helps too, pointing out the brightest flowers, and soon Joel builds a bouquet of healing just for you, his future wife.
â-
The ballpoint pen still works, even after all these years, and all of the wedding preparation notes fill your little blue notebook. Everythingâs ready: the flowers, the candles, the jars, the vases, the dress. Youâre bent over the list when you hear the familiar heavy bootsteps. Youâre already up and moving before the door even opens. When it creaks open, Joel stands, all broad and handsome, framed in the doorway, backlit by the golden light of the setting sun. âHey, baby,â he grins.
You donât answer, you just meet him, wrapping your arms around him. He smells all outdoorsy and masculine and wild⊠like pine and sweat. You breathe him in, nuzzling close. One of his hands stays behind his back as the other pulls you in close, chin resting on top of your head.
âI missed you,â you breathe, voice muffled in his chest. You take a lungful, drinking the earthy musk of him in. âHow was it out there?â
âGood,â he says, the pride in his voice lifting his lips with a smile. âFelt good to be outside again.â But when he moves, he winces and grunts. âLegâs complaininâ about it, but...â He shrugs. âWas worth it.â
Your mouth opens to suggest he sit and rest, but heâs already pulling his hidden hand from behind his back. In it is a bouquet of wildflowers. You blink, dumbfounded, at the color, and the tears instantly spring to your eyes at the purple, yellow, and white. Yarrow, echinacea, and aster bloom from Joelâs hand when he reaches it out to you.
âJoel,â you gasp.
âFigured you could use a nice, big bouquet for tomorrow.â
Your nose buries in the flowers, and you inhale the sweet smell, imagining the sight of Joel amongst the flowers, selecting each one with the stubborn precision you know so well.
âTheyâre perfect,â you whisper, looking up to find his dark eyes watching you intently. You feel wobbly, overwhelmed by the love this man holds for you. You manage a âthank you," as the tears begin to fall.
He reaches out, hand against your cheek, thumb wiping at the tears. âYou look real good with âem.â
His quiet compliment makes your heart swell with the love and adoration of his words. You turn your face to press a kiss into his palm before you move to find a vase. The perfect one waits on the dining table, and you fill it with water and carefully arrange the wildflowers.
âThere,â you say, stepping back to admire them.
Joel comes up behind you, arms looping around your waist, chin on your shoulder. Together, you stare at the wedding landscape. The wildflower bouquet bright in the center, surrounded by candles, ribbon, and vases.
âEverythingâs ready,â he whispers, a twang of awe in his deep voice.
You turn, hands planting on his chest, and kiss him. When you pull away, you notice the exhaustion around his eyes, the slight sag in his posture.
âYou should sit down.â
Joel doesnât argue, which tells you just how tired he must be. You lead him toward the couch, where Jeffersonâs curled atop it, and Joel drops down, boots and all, sprawling tiredly against the soft cushions. He sighs heavily, and you kneel at his feet, hands going to the laces of his left boot.
âYou donât have toââ he starts, but you silence him with a look.
âLet me take care of you,â you say quietly. Itâs what youâve been doing since the day Maria led you from the clinic to his broken and bleeding body⊠and what youâll continue doing for the rest of your life.
You ease the boots off his feet, setting them aside with a thunk against the floor. Your fingers skim up his calves, massaging through the denim of his jeans, feeling tension. The relief is instant, Joelâs head tips back, his eyes closing.
âThanks, baby,â he groans. âSore as hell.â
âIâm sure,â you say, thumbs digging into a particularly tight knot in his right calf.
âBut it was worth it,â he says, cranking his head to look at you, a lopsided grin lighting his handsome face. âBeing out there again, on horseback... felt like myself again.â
Pride swells in your chest. A year ago, Joel could barely even walk. Now heâs riding outside the walls, bringing back wildflowers for your wedding. Itâs remarkable.
âIâm glad,â you say, continuing to massage his leg, determined to ease every bit of pain you can. âYou deserve to feel like yourself again.â
His smile is soft, almost shy. âWas worth it, too, for the look on your face when I gave you those flowers. Canât wait to see you holding them in your dress,â he sleepily says, his body already slumping even more into the couch.
â-
Joelâs been instructed to not open the door to your office. He knows the reason why. Your dress hangs inside. He doesnât peek or even touch the knob. Some things are worth waiting for, and the sight of you, walking toward him in white, is one he wants preserved in all its power. Heâs not a superstitious man; he canât afford to be in a world where real monsters exist⊠but some old traditions feel worth honoring. A reminder that humanity continues, that rituals and ceremonies still have meaning even after everything thatâs been lost.
Marriage.
It still feels a bit odd in his head, a memory of the past world. After Sarahâs mother left, he never thought heâd try again. Then the world ended, and such normal aspirations seemed foolish, luxurious even. Survival became the only goal worth pursuing. Then Ellie came into his life, and protecting her became everything. The idea of loving someone, of building a life with themâit was a fantasy from a world that no longer existed.
But you changed that. You, with your unwavering determination to save his broken body. You, who saw the worst of himâphysically and morallyâand still looked at him like he was worth loving.
Tomorrow, heâll stand before whatever deity is left and promise himself to you. It wonât be legal in the old world senseâno marriage license, no official documentation. But it will be more real than any piece of paper.
â-
The sheets are cool against your bare skin as you wait for Joel, hair still damp from the shower you just had. You lie there, the room lit golden from the lamp, wrapping you in warmth and safety. Outside the window, the wind rolls in from off the mountains, shadows of the branches outside dancing across the ceiling.
You hear Joel before you see him. The familiar cadence of his steps, a dragging looseness to his left side. You know how sore he is, how he tries to hide it from you. You roll your head to watch him in the doorway. Heâs stripped to just his boxers, hair also damp from the shower, a towel draped over his shoulders. Tingles light your body, nerves waking up at the simple sight of him. Sometimes you find it hard to believe how much you want him, seemingly a little more and more each time, but it isnât just about the sex and the way he can give you all the pleasure in the world. Itâs the way he looks at you, the way he holds himself, the way heâs given you a forever.
He grins, the crooked little half-smile when he takes you in, spread out on the bed, body already arching in his direction. He leans against the doorframe for a second, reverential eyes roaming you, face set in awe, like he sometimes still canât believe youâre his.
Tomorrow, this handsome man will marry you.
You reach out for him, and he finally comes to you. The mattress sinks when he sits, reaching out to run his hand down your calf. He traces up your knee, your thigh, thumb circling on your skin. You feel every touch, every drag, every grip. You try to be patient, but you canât.
You sit up, pull him toward you, and he lets himself fall. Heâs so much bigger than you, but he folds easy, lets you kiss him first. Your hands burrow into his hair and tug him even closer. You pull, rolling him onto his back and he laughs a low, surprised sound, his hands planting on your hips as you straddle him.
âHi baby,â he rumbles, brown eyes hungrily tracing your face.
âHi,â you whisper, pressing your lips to his, teeth dragging over his plush, bottom lip. A low sound of need lets out of his chest, and you love how even after all this time he still wants you in the desperate way he does.
You kiss your way down, over to the scar on his shoulder, running your tongue along the raised skin of it before pressing your lips to his neck, nipping your teeth there. You kiss slowly down to his chest, pausing to rest your cheek against his heart. It thuds, strong and warm against your ear, and you stay there, letting the quiet knock of it anchor you, everything else falling away⊠your home, the wind, the protective walls. Nothing beyond this room, this man, this bed, the reminder that you too have survived, and that this is the reward for it.
You press a kiss into the hollow between his ribs, then another, slower over the scar over his abdomen. You canât help but marvel again, at the map of him. The little mosaic of healed-over wounds and golden skin. Once he was a stranger, just a body on a table you needed to repair. Now you know every inch, every mark, every soft and secret spot of him.
The deep star-shaped scar on his stomach isnât nearly as faded as his others, you can almost see the wood still sticking out of him when you lick around it. He flinches, then sighs when you kiss the center of it. You kiss every scar across his body, down his stomach, across his hip. You spot the slight tremble of him, chest rising and falling faster, cock hardening against your collarbone as you move lower. You look up at him, see the way his eyes have grown inky black, and you grin.
âLift,â you softly command, and he does, all obedient with a grunt. You strip him of his boxers and heâs already hard for you, cock thick and flushed against his stomach. You run your hand along it, feeling the velvet heat against your palm, leaving a gentle squeeze at the root of him. He hisses, hips jolting up, and then groans long and low when you take him into your mouth.
âFuck,â he breathes, one hand coming to rest gently on the back of your head, just holding, never pushing.
You circle him with your lips and tongue, slow, letting more and more of him slip inside your mouth.
Your mouth and hand work in tandem as you take your time, working him slowly, even as he begins to lose control. You take him deeper, his thighs tensing under your palms. You can feel him struggle to keep still, to let you tease and lick and suck at your own pace. You want all of him, the taste, the weight, the way he groans, the way he canât keep quiet when you suck him just right. Your tongue swirls along the head and dips into the slit, collecting the salty, creamy bead there.
Every time you pull back and look up, his eyes are fixated on you. He bites his lip, jaw clamped so tight youâre sure it aches, and when you lick a stripe up the vein that runs along him, his head tips back hard into the pillow, neck muscles straining. Joel Miller, the gruff, immovable survivor, unravels under your touch, coming undone with each lick and suck against his big cock.
You take your time, wanting to memorize every second, every sound, every drop of precum he leaks, because tomorrow, youâll be his wife. This is your last night unmarried. Not that it matters. Heâs already been yours, maybe from the first moment you breathed life back into his lungs. But the tradition of it, the finality, makes you want to draw tonight and the pleasure out. You go slow, languidly stroking him with your mouth and your hand, letting your fingers curl and dance along his thick shaft, squeezing at his balls, teasing him until his cock is pulsing against your tongue.
You tongue his slit, collecting the bead of precum weeping from it and he gasps out all the air from his lungs. âBaby,â he pleads, âyouâre killinâ me.â
You hum just to let him feel the vibration, and his hips buck, hand tightening against the back of your head. You glance up, meet his eyes, and he looks absolutely fucked-out. You feel powerful and adored, like a goddess that shines under the love and lust of Joel Miller. Heâs always made you feel that way, worshipping you in bed and outside of it. You crave his devotion as much as you crave his hands, his mouth, his cock.
You take him to the hilt, swallowing around him, and he strangles out a âFuck, fuck baby, you gottaââ and then he pants âWait, wait, come here.â Itâs an urgent growl, but heâs gentle when he reaches for you. You let his cock slip from his mouth, spit stretching between the head of it and your mouth and you crawl up, heat burrowing in your belly at the way he grabs your hips, steering you higher and higher with shaking hands. He doesnât pull you up to kiss, he doesnât stop at face-to-face.
Strong arms haul you up his chest until your knees dig into the mattress on either side of his shoulders. Youâre poised above him, hands planted on the headboard to steady yourself, heart racing when you look down and see the worship shining out of his eyes. Youâre an altar, and heâs the only congregation.
Youâre glistening, wet pussy catches the golden aura of the lamp light, and heâs transfixed by it, hands bracketing your thighs, pulling you to his mouth. You go, letting him draw you to hover just above his lips. He keeps you there, breathing in the heady scent of your desire before he pulls you down, thick tongue starting with a deep, slow lick from bottom to top. Heâs greedy and the jolt rips through you, body arching, hands white-knuckling the headboard, while his strong arms lock you down against him, unwilling to let you float away from the bliss. He groans at the taste of you, vibrations of his devotion scattering through your pussy and body.
âSo sweet,â he muffles against your cunt, devouring you with no shame. He feasts in that thorough, methodical way you know heâs always capable of. Like a man who spent so long denying himself and now wants to make up for all the lost time. Heâs rigorous in the way he prays to you, tongue lapping and licking, lips circling your clit. You rock against his face, grinding down, his muffled groans and your moans echoing off the bedroom walls. His hand slides up, palming your ass, the other clutched tight against your thigh. Heâs insatiable for you, nuzzling deeper, licking into you and sucking.
Youâre shaking, pleasure blurring everything outside of the sight of Joel between your legs, eyes closed, thick brows furrowed. You reach down, thread a hand into his hair and tug, he answers it with a groan, tongue flicking faster and harder. Itâs all so much⊠the rasp of his beard against your thighs, the sweet ache of your cunt, the echo of his groans. Youâre close, so close, hips stuttering, thighs clamping around his head. Youâre trying to fight it, but heâs merciless.
Joelâs devotion pulls a burning hot orgasm out of you, and you gasp an almost sob of his name. You shudder, your tremulous body dissolving as bliss speeds through every nerve of your body. Joel moans against you, lapping every drop you give him, licking you through it, even when your body sags, and your legs tremble so hard you think youâre going to need help walking down the aisle tomorrow.
He helps you slink down his body, holds you atop him, and let you catch your breath. You melt and stare down at him, a wild, blissed-out smile deepening his dimples and crinkling his eyes. His lips and beard shine with you, and you lean forward to taste yourself on his tongue and lips.
Joel pulls away. âOne more time out of wedlock?â he asks.
You giggle. âOne more time.â
His cock sits, hard and ready for you and you grip him, stroking once before pressing the throb right against your entrance. His eyes are on you, unblinking, brown gone almost black.
Itâs a slow sinking down on Joelâs cock, taking your time, every inch of him pushing in and stretching. The pleasure is sharp, teetering on an almost pain and you take all of it, until youâre bottomed out, his hips against your skin and you both gasp. Youâre still, unmoving, just feeling, letting the perfect fit of your bodies connect.
He reaches up, traces your cheek with a thumb, his eyes soft and adoring. âMy girl,â he says.
You fall forward onto him, breasts pressed to his chest, forehead against his, and kiss him, mouths pressed together, breaths traded as you rise and lower atop his cock. You roll your hips and Joelâs groan vibrates. You do it again, slower, and Joel grinds up to meet you.
Your back lifts, and you sit up, Joelâs hands clutch at your ass and you look down at him, watch the way his face contorts and his eyes travel down, pausing at your breasts, before roaming down to where your cunt swallows his cock. Nobodyâs ever looked at you the way Joel does, nobodyâs ever made you feel this beautiful and glorious.
âCanât believe. youâre mine,â he says, palm cupping your breast, thumb circling your nipple.
You move faster and Joel thrusts up, both of you heedlessly sharing and chasing your own pleasure. Your hands plant on his chest, his heart beating under a palm as you grind and twist circles. His hands grip your hips tight. His mouth has gone slack, sweat beading on his brow.
âJesus, baby, youâre soâfuckââ he rasps.
You canât say something back, all you can do is fuck him faster.
âThatâs it, baby, just like that, youâre perfect, sâincredible, youâreââ
Joel wonât shut up, but why would you ever want him to? He grits your name and then he cuts off, jaw clenched, face twisted up like heâs in pain. You lose yourself right alongside him, every muscle tensing, whole body spasming as the pleasure climbs and crests. âGonna⊠gonna,â you gasp, and then youâre gone. Joelâs right there, rhythm faltering, hips driving up into you.
âMe too, baby,â he groans, strained and strong. You dissolve as he cums inside you, his hot seed pulsing inside you as your cunt clenches every drop of him out.
You collapse onto him, lips pressed to his neck, both of you breathing and gasping, bodies shaking. Your cunt still flutters around him as you both come down. Neither of you move, swaddled in the peace and love you provide for each other. The thump of his heart beats a rhythm that might as well match your own. You lift your head enough to look up at him, his eyes are already on you. Youâll never tire of the way he looks at you⊠with hope, vulnerability, and joy.
âTomorrow,â you whisper as if itâs a benediction.
He smiles. âTomorrow.â
Next Chapter
â-
A/N: My taglist has grown too large. Please follow @whocaresposted and turn on notifications to be alerted about new chapters!
tags: broken!Frankie, angst, addiction, relapse, established relationship, hurt/comfort
summary: Loving him was never the hard part. Letting him go was.
word count: ~ 1,1k
Your whole relationship with Frankie had been like chasing a storm from the beginning. Despite living in Florida, the sunniest place either of you had ever known, the rain always found you faster than you could prepare for it.
Some storms arrived quietly.
Others kicked the front door off its hinges.
This one had come in the shape of a tiny plastic bag tucked inside the pocket of his jeans.
***
Frankie was dead silent the whole drive. While the first traces of sunrise bled orange into the sky, turning it into something that looked like a watercolor painting, you couldn't bring yourself to appreciate it today. His knee bounced the entire drive, his foot tapping relentlessly against the floorboard. His shirt clung to his back, damp with sweat despite the air conditioning blasting at full volume.
"You know, you don't need to do this. You could just... drive home."
You shook your head immediately. "And then what?"
"I can do the rehab at home."
"Like the last time?"
He flinched at the memory, just a little.
"I don't do this to punish you, Francisco."
He scoffed, thumb rubbing over his bottom lip as he stared out the window, watching the landscape blur by.
"I don't see what's gonna be different there than when I lay in my own vomit at home."
"They're professionals, Frankie. You can talk to someone who can really hold you through this without falling apart alongside you."
"Mhm."
"Frankie..."
He shook his head. "Don't use that tone on me."
"Which tone?"
"The pity one."
"I don'tâ" You exhaled. "I'm sorry."
"'s okay." And he sounded honest. "I'm the one who should be sorry."
"You're sick, Frankie. You didn't choose this."
"I am a fuck up, cariño."
Your eyebrows furrowed. You bit your lip before blindly reaching for his sweaty hand, squeezing it while keeping your eyes fixed on the roadâeven as your vision began to blur with uninvited tears.
"No, you're not. You survived things most people couldn't even imagine surviving. Somewhere along the way your brain found something that quieted all that noise, even if only for a little while. It may have chosen the wrong thing but that doesn't make you wrong. You're still you."
"What if this is all I'm gonna be now?" His voice barely rose above a whisper. "This washed-out version of me. I'm farther away from the man you fell in love with than ever..."
"Hey, hey," you reined him in gently. "No, that's not true. He's still in there. He just needs a little help finding his way back to shore, hm?"
You squeezed his hand again. "And there's nothing wrong with needing help sometimes. The strongest people do. And you, Frankie Morales, are one of the strongest people I've ever known. I'm so so proud of you."
You weren't able to look at him as the sun climbed higher, promising another day of scorching heat. But you heard a small, broken sound that sounded suspiciously close to a sob. Without thinking, you took the next exit, still twenty minutes away from the rehab center. Gravel crunched beneath the tires as you pulled onto the shoulder and finally looked at your boyfriend.
Despite his broad frame, he suddenly looked so unbearably small in the passenger seat of his own truck. He looked hollowed out by the weight he carried. By the guilt clawing at him for failing you. He looked lost.
You unbuckled your seatbelt and leaned toward him, still holding his hand before pressing a kiss against his knuckles.
"Look at me," you pleaded.
He shook his head stubbornly. So you cupped his cheek with your free hand, gently guiding his face toward yours. His soulful dark eyes shimmered with tears, red-rimmed and exhausted. The sight hit you straight in the chest.
"How can you..." His voice cracked. "How can you still stay? Why didn't you just leave already?"
A watery smile tugged at your lips. "Because, unfortunately, I love you a shit ton."
A weak laugh escaped him before his face crumpled again. He took your hand between both of his and kissed it with all the devotion only he had ever shown you.
"I'm scared."
"I know you are."
You brushed your thumb across his cheek. "I am too."
Silence settled between you for a moment. "But I think we just need to do it anyway. Even if we do it scared."
He closed his eyes. "I can't do this for you. God, I wish I could." Your voice wavered. "But this is something you need to do for yourself. For the man you've always told me you want to be. Not only the one scarred by war and loss."
You rested your forehead against his. "And I believe in you."
A tear slipped down his cheek.Â
"I'll always be here, rooting for you."
"You're truly too good for me, mi amor."
You smiledâa real one this timeâand shrugged. "Maybe."
Another shrug. "Guess you're just a lucky bastard then."
"The luckiest on this fucking planet," he murmured.
Like magnets finding their opposite, you drifted toward one another. Your hand rested against the back of his neck, your thumb brushing behind his ear, tracing the small letter tattooed there for you. Matching the one you wore in the same place, even if you'd gotten yours weeks later. Your foreheads touched in a grounding gesture.
He let out one long, shaky breath. "I love you."
And you knew he meant it. God, he meant it with every bruised piece of his heart.
"I love you more," you whispered. "Always more."
You smiled through tears. "And now I'll drop you off for your very expensive extended holiday."
That earned you the smallest huff of laughter.
"I'll be right here picking you up when you're ready, okay?"
You felt his nod more than you saw it.
***
A few minutes later, you watched him disappear through the doors of the rehab center. Only then did you realize your hands were still gripping the steering wheel so tightly they hurt.
For a long moment, you couldn't make yourself put the truck into gear. Watching the biggest part of your heart walk away was hard. Trusting that he was walking toward himself again was harder.
The whole drive home you cried, singing along to your shared playlist between shaky breaths, selfishly wishing that, when all of this was over, you'd get the love of your life back whole instead of only living with the fragments addiction had left behind.
Summer Affair: Part 3 | Harry Castillo x F!Reader/âYouâ | ~3.5k Word Count
SUMMARY: While enjoying your time together in Ibiza, the feelings between you and Harry start to become more palpable, but so does your husbandâs ill-timed presence.
RATING: E.
TAGS: No use of y/n, reader has the nickname (Sol) that is used sparingly, summer romance is romancing, infidelity (reader is married), feelings are being caught, these two are drunk and having a good time, Harry is filthy rich, smut heavy chapter, public sex (in a club restroom), creampie (oops), pull out method too (itâs equality), light dirty talk, Harry loves giving praise, fingering, these two are always fucking in a shower i swear, argument with your husband via phone call, if I forgot to tag anything else please let me know, more tags found on series masterlist.
A/N: this took me a lil longer than i wanted it to but i am very much enjoying watching this summer love unfold before my very eyes. weâre halfway done with this series and iâm curious to hear what everyoneâs predictions are for how itâs going to end⊠đ hope you all enjoy this chapter! đ€ reblogs, comments and likes are always appreciated, thank you for reading!
P.S. series masterlist. read on ao3. header credit to @/devociones.
You wake to the insistent trill of your phone on the nightstand, its old-school ringtone disrupting the hush of the luxurious bedroom.
Youâre cocooned in Harryâs strong arms, his broad chest a solid, heated wall against your back, his breath slow and steady in your hair.
The temptation to ignore everything and melt deeper into him is overwhelmingâbut after the third ring, you sigh softly and slip free, reaching for the device.
The screen shows your husbandâs number. A grimace twists your lips as you silence the intrusion and return into the safety of Harryâs embrace. You nestle your cheek against his chest, listening to the thrum of his heart.
One of the many intimate discoveries youâve made about Harry Castillo: heâs a gloriously heavy sleeper.
Just as sleep begins to pull you under again, the phone rings once more. Your eyes shoot open and you roll over to decline it. Why is he so persistent? What time is it even in Texas? You glare at the offending device, daring it to ring again.
As if on cue: it does.
With an irritated huff, you flip it over and pop out the battery, tossing the piece aside.
Youâre barely settled against Harryâs side again when his alarm blaresâjarring you both. You flinch and let out a dramatic groan as he finally stirs awake beneath you.
âWhy on Earth do you have your alarm set so early?â you mutter, pressing your body flush to his.
âIâve got a call with Peter in an hour,â he replies, voice deliciously raspy with sleep. âHeâs in Australia this weekâthatâs about an eight hour time difference from us.â He leans down, pressing a lingering kiss to the crown of your head.
You pout, the hazy memories from yesterday flooding back: candlelit dinner on the terrace, sweet wine staining your lips, flirtation dissolving into desperate kisses, clothes torn away in a haste, and the two of you fucking like animals in heat until exhaustion claimed you.
Heat blooms across your body at the recollection. Ever since your first time in Lagos, you two have been insatiable, getting it on whenever you find pockets of privacy during your exploration of Ibiza.
After years in a marriage where passion had quietly withered, Harry reawakens the horny woman that was locked away inside you this entire time.Â
Joel was never a bad loverârough when you craved it, tender when you needed softnessâyouâve just been without sex for so long. You donât want to come down from this cloud just yet.
Gently, you push him onto his back and climb astride him, your thighs bracketing his hips, pinning him beneath you with playful intent.
The pale morning light filtering through the gauzy curtains worships his features: his dark curls tousled from your fingers last night when he buried his face between your legs and devoured you until you were breathless, those kind brown eyes now darkening with lust as your warm, slick pussy presses against his hardening length.Â
âWhat are you up to?â he asks, a knowing smile curving his lips. His large hands settle on your waist, thumbs stroking the sensitive dip there as his gaze devours the sight of your breasts, nipples peaked in the cool breeze.
âTrying to convince you to stay in bed with me just a little longer,â you answer sweetly, rolling your hips in a lazy, teasing glide. A breathy sigh escapes you as his cock parts your swollen folds, the velvety head dragging deliciously against your clit, sending sparks of pleasure racing up your spine.
Harry grunts, fingers tightening on your hips in warning. âWe both know Iâll never leave this bed with you on top of me like this.â
You smirk, leaning down to capture his mouth in a soft kiss, arching your back to increase the pressure.Â
He tries to resistâfor all of two secondsâthen surrenders completely. With effortless strength, he grips your waist and lifts you slightly. âPut me in,â he orders in that deep, gravelly morning voice that sends a fresh rush of desire straight to your core.
You melt, biting your lip as you reach between your bodies. Your fingers wrap around his heavy shaft, giving it a teasing squeeze and it earns you a sharp pinch to your hip that draws a surprised giggle from you.
You run his leaking tip up and down your slit, coating him thoroughly, before notching him at your entrance and sinking down slowly.
The stretch is exquisiteâa burning fullness that pulls a shared moan from you both. You settle fully (still a little sore from last night), hands planted on his broad chest, and begin to ride him with his guiding hands on your hips. Each drag is pure bliss.
âOh, HarryâŠâ you whine, the sound breathy and desperate.
His brows knit in concentration, savoring how perfectly your walls tense around him as the pace quickly turns frantic and needy.
Overwhelmed, you slump forward, burying your face in the crook of his neck, panting hot against his skin as your orgasm coils tight, ass clapping down against his muscular thighs.
âPoor baby,â he teases. âInitiated this and canât even handle it.â Harry plants his feet on the mattress, using the leverage to fuck up into you harder, deeper, the head of his cock kissing that perfect spot until you shatterâcrying out his name, your pussy gushing around him in pulsing waves.
He follows moments later, pulling out to spill across the soft curve of your ass.
You feel exhaustion tugging you back toward the pillows. Harry senses it, catching his own breath before he slips out from under you, leaving you sprawled on your stomach, and retrieves the cloth from last night.
Gently, he wipes his spend from your skin then leans in to kiss your bare shoulder.Â
âSleep, sweetheart,â he whispers against your ear. âIâll bring you breakfast after my meeting.â
You manage to weakly nod, drifting off with a contented smile, the disassembled phone on the nightstand forgotten.Â
Harryâs gaze lingers there a moment, a flicker of curiosity crossing his face about who had called so insistently in the early hours.Â
You lie sprawled luxuriously atop Harry as you enjoy the afternoon lounging on the sandy coastline of the beautiful city of Ibiza.Â
The light sea breeze carries the scent of distant wildflowers that brings a sense of tranquility you donât think youâll tire of.
Below you, Harryâs body serves as your personal chaiseâbroad, sun-warmed, and utterly relaxed. A portable radio you picked up in town hums softly with upbeat Spanish pop, the melody blending seamlessly with the distant crash of waves and the occasional cry of seabirds.
Your book rests open against his shoulder blades, a riveting tale unfolding in your hands. Youâre lost in a particularly charged paragraph when your phoneâs ringtone disrupts the idyll.
Reaching down into your woven tote bag, you fish out the device and decline the callâjust as you have done repeatedly all day. You only keep the battery in as a precaution, in case a true emergency arises with family or friends, not because you want to entertain your husbandâs persistent attempts to tug you back to reality.
Harry hasnât commented on the calls until now. His voice rumbles low and lazy from beneath you, warm as the sun on your back. âShouldnât you get that?â
You sigh, not from his question but from the frustration of Joel inserting himself like a persistent thorn even from across countries. âItâs nothing,â you mutter, shifting slightly to settle more comfortably against the firm planes of his back, your bare thighs brushing his sides.
âWhat if itâs an emergency?â he reasons gently. He lies on his stomach with his arms crossed, head pillowed on his hands, eyes closed behind expensive sunglasses in blissful repose. The sunlight plays across the sculpted muscles of his shoulders, highlighting every ridge and dip.
âItâs not. Trust me.â Your fingers trace idle patterns along his tanned skin, hoping to distract him back to the moment.
âThen why do they keep calling?â
âBecause my friends donât seem to understand that Iâm on vacation and not really in the mood to gossip,â you reply smoothly, the lie slipping out a little too easily. You lean down, pressing a soft kiss to the nape of his neck, tasting the faint salt of his skin mixed with sunscreen.
Harry falls quiet. Heâs noticed how skillfully you dodge anything too personal, how little you reveal about your life beyond the surface level.
Yet he doesnât press. For a man who has spent decades as the perfect son, the driven boss, the polished socialite in New Yorkâs affluent circles, this summer with you is a rare giftâa chance to turn his mind off completely.Â
He chooses the joy of the present, letting the questions drift away on the breeze like forgotten sails.
The afternoon stretches lazily onward. Eventually, as the sun dips lower and paints the horizon, you set your book aside and prop your chin on his shoulder. âWe should go clubbing tonight,â you murmur against his ear, lips brushing the sensitive shell. âItâs what the island is famous forâpartying until dawn.â
Harry lets out a dramatic groan, though a smile tugs at his lips. âYouâre trying to kill an old man. Iâm fifty, Sol. My idea of a wild night these days involves good wine and an early bedtime.â
You roll your eyes, laughing as you shift to straddle his lower back more fully, your hands sliding up to massage his shoulders with teasing affection. âOh, please. You have more stamina than men half your age, Mr. Castillo. I should know.â You lean in closer, voice dropping to a honeyed, coaxing purr.
âCome on⊠itâll be fun. Iâm dying to see you out of your element.â
He turns his head, sunglasses long gone, catching your gaze with those brown eyes that always seem to put you in a trance. For a moment, something deeper flickers thereâaffection so intense it borders on loveâbut he banks it, choosing lightness instead.
âYouâre dangerous, you know that?â he says, a chuckle rumbling through his chest as he turns beneath you so that youâre straddling his front, very reminiscent of your position from earlier this morning.
You shrug with faux coyness.Â
âFine. You win. But if I pull a muscle on the dance floor, youâre nursing me back to health on the yacht.â
âDeal,â you answer giddily, leaning forward and sealing it with a sweet kiss.
You tumble from one exclusive club to the next, the islandâs legendary energy coursing through your veins as if it were liquid starlight.
With him by your side, doors that require months on a list swing open instantly. Harry Castilloâs name is currency it seemsâwealthy, respected, so effortlessly commanding. Velvet ropes part like magic and youâre ushered into VIP sections dripping with opulence: crystal chandeliers, plush velvet booths, and terraces overlooking the moonlit sea.
The night blurs into a vibrant haze of music and laughter. At the first club, deep house throbs through the floor, bass vibrating up your legs. Harry starts off endearingly stiff on the dance floor, more boardroom than party. You canât help but tease him, dancing with a playful grin.
âCome on, old man!â you giggle, grabbing his hands and pulling him closer. âLoosen those hips! I know you can move better than this.â
He rolls his eyes, a sheepish smile breaking across his handsome face, but the drinks keep flowingâcolorful cocktails garnished with fresh fruit, shots that burn sweetly down your throatâand he gradually loosens up.
By the third club, where sultry techno gives way to Latin rhythms, both of you have released your inhibitions.
His hands find your waist with growing confidence, sliding over the silky fabric of your dress as he pulls you flush against him. The heat of his body radiates through your clothes, strong fingers gripping your hips as you move together.
It feels intoxicating. His broad palms roaming your curves, tracing the dip of your waist, squeezing the swell of your ass while the music shifts from pounding beats to sensual melodies.
You dance beneath swirling lights that paint his curly hair in shades of neon blue and magenta, losing yourself in the way his thigh presses between yours, the pressure sending sparks of desire dancing across your skin.
The world tilts in the most delightful way, every touch amplified as hours slip away in a whirlwind of bass drops, sweaty bodies, and stolen kisses on crowded dance floors. Youâve both drunk more tonight than at any point on this voyage. Any worries about the future drowned in rum and happiness.
In one of the venues, the sexual tension snaps.
Harry has you pressed against the door of a private restroom, the thump of music vibrating through the wood at your back. His larger body cages you in, the scent of his cologne dizzying you.
His mouth crashes down on yours in a breathless, hungry kiss, tongue tasting of sweet liquor and tropical fruit as it tangles with yours. You moan into him, your fingers threading through his damp curls.
Your hips grind shamelessly against the growing bulge straining in his pants, seeking friction.
You donât care about the crowd outside or the luxury surrounding youâonly the lust he stokes in your body, the way his touch slides up your thighs, bunching your dress higher, fingers digging into soft flesh with urgency.
âYouâre so beautiful like this. I canât get enough of you.â He growls against your lips, hips rolling forward to meet your desperate movements.Â
The world narrows to the intoxicating pull between you. Nothing else exists but the aching need to have him inside of you.
His fingers hook into the lace of your panties and yank them aside. Two thick fingers drag through your slit, spreading your arousal before he circles your swollen clit and it makes you whine.
âSo wet already,â he mutters against your ear. âDripping down your thighs, baby. You need me that badly?â
You nod frantically, whimpering as he sinks two fingers deep inside you. The wet squelch of him fingering you fills the small space, barely drowned out by the music.
âPlease, Harryââ you beg, grinding down on his hand.
He withdraws his fingers, making you pout at the loss. He frees his cock, just as desperate to feel you, hooking one of your legs high around his waist, spreading you better. He lines himself up against your opening.
âLook at me,â he commands softly, swaying slightly from the drinksâfrom you.
Your eyes lock with his as he thrusts forward in one powerful stroke, all eight delicious inches burying fully inside your body. A broken moan tears from your throat as your walls flutter and clench around the intrusion, mouth falling agape.
Youâre so warm and tight and utterly perfect. It makes Harry feel crazy for how much he craves you all the time. âThatâs it, sweet girl⊠taking me so well. You feel incredible.â
He starts to move, rolling thrusts that press you harder against the door. Each stroke is deliberate, savoring the way your body sucks him in. One hand grips your thigh firmly as he fucks you, the other braced beside your head, his taut forearm flexing.
âYouâre so perfect,â he praises, voice strained with pleasure when your pussy tenses around him. âSo soft⊠so wet⊠you make me lose my mind. Iâve never felt anything like this.â
He angles his hips, hitting that overwhelming spot inside you with every press. Your cries of his name grow louder, sweeter, and Harry drinks them in like fine wine.Â
He wants to give you everything. Money, security, a house to call a home. Is he delusional for falling so fast? He thought love was supposed to be the most difficult thing in the world.Â
How come it feels so easy to love you?
The pleasure builds intensely. Harryâs pace quickens, but his touch remains devout, eyes locked on your face as if heâs memorizing every expression of your ecstasy.
âYouâre close, arenât you?â The hand at your thigh slips between you to circle your clit with enough pressure to make tears well in your eyes. âCome for me, sweetheart. I want to feel my beautiful girl come all over me.â
Your orgasm washes over you in powerful waves. You sob out his name, digging your freshly manicured nails into his back, clenching wetly around his shaft.Â
Harry follows right behind you with a heavy sigh, burying himself as deep as possible as he comes. Thick, hot ropes of his release fill you completely.Â
You both tremble through the aftershocks, breathing ragged, bodies slick with sweat from all the dancing and fucking. Harry presses kisses along your jaw and neck, murmuring sweet praises while the distant party continues to thrive beyond the door.
Neither of you speaks about the fact that he just finished inside youâthe warm, slick evidence of it already beginning to trickle down where you connect.Â
He pulls out, grabbing a paper towel from the dispenser, helping you clean up and straighten your dress with gentle hands, a soft smile playing on his lips.Â
âDonât look so proud of yourself,â you scold playfully.
âI just enjoy having sex with you baby, thatâs all.â
After a quick refresh, he calls for the driver, then tucks you against his side. Your legs feel like jelly beneath you, the combination of mind-blowing sex and endless cocktails, leaving you unsteady.
You cling to him, arm wrapped tightly around his waist, face pressed into his chest as the scent of his cologne fills your senses.
Harry keeps you upright, that competency of his kicking in as he sobers up enough to weave through the bustling crowd and out into the summer night air. The breeze caresses your flushed skin while you wait for the car. He presses occasional kisses to your temple, murmuring words that make your heart flutter.
The driver arrives quickly and the ride back to The Daydreamer passes in a warm, drunken blur of city lights reflecting off the dark sea. Once aboard the yacht, Harry disappears briefly to get the shower running and preparing the bed, giving you a moment alone in the softly lit cabin.
You bend to slip off your heels, peeling your ruined underwear off too. Suddenly, your phoneâleft charging earlierâlights up and rings. Fueled by alcohol and frustration, you snatch it up and answer.
âWhat the hell, Joel?â you snap. âI told you to stop calling. Iâm on vacation. Leave. Me. Alone.â
He can hear it immediatelyâthe slur in your words, how inebriated you are. âAre you drunk?â he demands, anger sharpening his voice. âChrist, where are you? Why havenât you been answerinâ any of my calls?â
âBecause I donât owe you anythingânot after all youâve put me through.â
âSo ignorinâ me and pretendinâ like we arenât still married is how you decide to deal with it?â
âThatâs none of your business!â
His frustration boils over when you fire back.
âWhat the hell are you talking about? Of course itâs my business. Youâre my wife.âÂ
You let out a sarcastic laugh. âYou donât get to suddenly act like you give a shit about this marriage. Not after you prioritized everything else above it. I became an afterthought to you. Even at fucking work!â
Silence. Of course. Thatâs his go to.
âThe way youâve been actingâŠâ he trails off, not acknowledging your truth, which further proves the point of the whole reason why you two have failed as a couple. âThis isnât youââ
You hear Harryâs footsteps returning. Without another word, you hang up and toss the phone aside. Youâre not going to deal with his bullshit tonight.
Harry had lingered just outside the room, fighting the urge to eavesdrop. It took everything in him not to listenâhe respects your boundaries too much. If you donât want to share who keeps calling and frustrating you, then so be it.
He steps back in just as you hang up. âEverything okay, sweetheart?â he asks, concern softening his brown eyes.
You nod, the motion making you sway on drunk legs. Closing the distance, you reach for him, pulling him into a wet, needy kiss. Your hands push the straps of your dress down until the fabric pools at your feet, leaving you beautifully, completely naked before him.
Harryâs breath catches. Tipsy as he is, he canât resist. His hands roam hungrily over your bare skin, worshipping every curve as he devours you with deep, open-mouthed kisses. âYouâre stunning,â he murmurs between kisses, voice husky with renewed desire. âMy beautiful girl.â
He walks you backward toward the luxurious bathroom where steam curls invitingly from the large shower.
This time the sex is slower. He fucks you against the wall again, your wet chest pressed against the tile as he thrusts into you from behind, his lips at your ear continuing to say all the right things.
The argument with Joel fades into nothing. The longer you spend wrapped up in this fantasy with Harry, the more youâre beginning to dread whatâll happen when the summer ends.
Will you come clean about your husband? Stay and try to make things work with the billionaire? Or will you see this as the summer fling that it is all the way until the end, disappearing from Harryâs life as easily as you had entered it?
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The fire has burned down to amber coals, throwing low light across the bedroom ceiling, and you lie there staring at the familiar map of cracks in the plaster, trying to figure out whatâs wrong with you.
Joel's hand rests on your hip, patient and still, like it has been for a while now.
"We don't have to," he says, the same words he's used three times this week alone, delivered in the same careful register â not cold or resentful, but something more exhausted than either of those things. Like a man whoâs learned to keep his voice very level around something that spooks easily.
"I know we don't have to."
You hear the snap in your own voice and hate yourself for it. "I'm sorry. I didn't meanâŠ"
"Itâs okay."
But it isnât okay. Not because heâs angry, but because he isnât and somehow thatâs almost worse. You'd prefer anger. Anger would give you something to push against, something to explain yourself to. Instead, thereâs just this careful, considered gentleness that makes you feel like a wounded animal being handled by someone who doesnât want to lose a finger.
You shift onto your side, facing away from him. His hand stays on your hip for a moment longer, then withdraws to his own side of the bed.
The coals tick and outside the wind moves through Jackson in long dark sighs that mirror how you feel.
Tears prick at the corners of your eyes, because you havenât always been like this.
You can remember â with a vividness that now feels almost cruel â the way it used to be. The hunger and ease of it. Joelâs not a demonstrative man by most measures. He doesnât talk about his feelings any more than he absolutely has to or offer reassurance or emotional narration. But in bed, in that particular dark, heâs always been completely present with you in a way that feels like its own language.
His hands know you, have learned you with the patient attention of a man who genuinely wants to learn something and who finds the subject endlessly interesting.
Youâve wanted him just as badly, more some weeks. You've been the one reaching across the space between you in the early morning light, when he makes a low pleased sound and pulls you closer, and itâs been easy. Not effortless, but easy in the way that breathing is easy, the way you don't have to think about it.
Now it feels like breathing at altitude. Like your body has quietly, without consulting you, moved somewhere the airâs thinner.
It started, if you had to name a starting point, maybe eight months ago and it was small things at first. Like when you went to bed on a regular Tuesday intending to reach for him and found yourself simply...uninterested.
You werenât tired, not upset, not distracted by anything specific. You were just blank where the want usually lives. You rolled over, went to sleep and told yourself it was nothing. That it was a phase, or a bad week or, more likely, the cumulative weight of living in this world doing its usual arithmetic on desire.
But the blank Tuesdays became blank weekends, the weeks between stretching. And when you do try â because you love him and donât want to lose the thread of this thing between you â thereâs the dryness.
You've never experienced it like this, that specific discomfort that makes everything feel wrong, that makes you tense when you've always melted, that turns something thatâs been pleasure into something youâre simply enduring and hoping he canât tell.
Of course he can tell.
Joel Miller has spent twenty years before ever laying eyes on you learning to read threat and deception in the smallest tells of human behaviour. He isnât going to miss the way you go a little still, or the way your breathing shifts from something good to something controlled.
He pulled back the first time, quietly, without making it a thing and kissed you carefully.
But you saw his face in the low light, saw the confusion there, the careful way he smoothed it back to neutral, and you felt a cold shame settle into your chest that hasnât fully left since.
****
The hot flashes start in October.
Thatâs what finally makes you go to Dr Vee.
They come at night mostly, though not exclusively â this drenching, furnace-blast heat that wakes you from sleep damp and disoriented, your heart clattering, kicking the blankets off while Joel sleeps beside you oblivious. Sometimes you get up and stand at the window in the cold air until your skin cools and your pulse settles.
Once he wakes, finds you there and asks if youâre all right. You tell him youâre fine, just warm and that he should go back to sleep. And he does, slowly, with that same careful patient stillness he's been wearing like armour for months.
The sleep disruption makes everything worse. Youâre tired in a way that sits in your bones. Your moods become unreliable, small things snagging at you. You snap and then feel terrible and then snap about feeling terrible. Your cycle has gone strange too â irregular, showing up when it pleases and sometimes not for two months running.
The brain fog is the worst indignity. You stand in the kitchen trying to remember what you've gone to get and find the word for it has just â slipped.
Like a wet bar of soap.
Gone.
Youâre forty-six years old, youâre falling apart and you donât know why. And you havenât told Joel any of this properly because you donât know how to explain something you donât understand yourself.
Dr Vee is sixty-something and was a family physician before the outbreak, keeping meticulous notes in a series of composition notebooks and has a memory like a steel trap. She stitched your shoulder up two winters ago after a patrol gone sideways and, in some way, you trust her.
You sit on the paper-covered table, whilst she listens to you with the particular quality of attention that good doctors have. The kind that makes you feel like youâre the only person in the world and your problem is the only problem.
You tell her everything. The libido, the dryness, the hot flashes, the fatigue, the mood swings, the irregular cycle, the brain fog. Your voice stays level and clinical because youâre holding it that way with both hands.
When you finish, sheâs quiet for a moment, tapping her pen against her notebook.
"How old are you?"
"Forty-six."
She nods slowly. "And these symptoms â all of them, taken together â when did they begin?"
"Eight, nine months ago, I guess. But theyâve come on gradually."
She nods again and sets her pen down. "I'm going to ask you something and I need you to think about whether any of this is new information or whether some part of you has already been thinking it."
You frown.
"Perimenopause," she says. "Thatâs the transitional phase before menopause. It can last anywhere from a few years to a decade. The hormonal fluctuations account for every symptom you've described â the hot flashes, the night sweats, the sleep disruption etc. The irregular cycle is also textbook." She pauses. "You're not falling apart. Your body is doing something it's been designed to do but just doing it rather loudly."
You sit with that for a moment.
Some part of you has known. Some quiet, careful part that you havenât wanted to examine too directly because examining it means acknowledging it, and acknowledging it means â what? Youâre not entirely sure what it means and thatâs the problem.
"The obvious treatment is hormone replacement therapy," Dr Vee says, "which we don't have."
"Right."
"But there are things we can do. I have some dried black cohosh root which helps some women with the symptoms. There are also things you can do in your overall lifestyle things, which in Jackson, mostly amounts to what you're already doing. A cool sleeping environment is essential and help with managing stress which is, of course, not simple in this world.â
She writes something in her notebook.
"The genitourinary symptoms â thatâs the dryness, the discomfort during sex â that's a direct effect of declining oestrogen affecting the vaginal tissue. I have some things that can help with that too. Vitamin E oil and coconut oil for example. Itâs not the same as actual oestrogen cream, but they can provide some relief and work on lubrication, externally and otherwise."
You nod slowly.
"This is a normal transition,â she says gently. âItâs not a failing. A lot of women go through this without ever talking to anyone about it because it's been treated as something shameful or taboo for most of recorded history, which is frankly absurd, and I won't have that in my practice." She looks at you steadily. "You doing alright?"
"Yes," you say, your voice only wavering slightly. "I justâŠI didn't know what was wrong with me. I thought I wasâŠ"
"Thought you were what?"
"Losing something."
She pauses for a long moment. âAre you still with Joel?â
"Yes."
"Have you talked to him?"
"No."
She looks at you with the particular expression of a woman whoâs seen a great many people avoid a great many necessary conversations.
"That might be worth doing."
****
You hold off for four days, telling yourself that youâre waiting for the right moment, the right mood, the right confluence of evening light and privacy and emotional bandwidth. In truth youâre waiting for the courage to arrive, and itâs taking its time.
The morning of the fifth day you wake before dawn from another hot flash, the searing flush cresting up through your chest and neck, and you sit up in bed breathing through it while Joel sleeps beside you.
You watch his face in the dark â the lines of it, the grey at his temples, the slight parting of his lips in sleep â and you think that this man has has watched you cry, has stitched you up, has held you through nightmares, has seen you covered in mud and blood and worse, has loved you through four winters and the particular relentless grinding difficulty of this world, and the idea that you can keep something from him because youâre embarrassed seems, in this predawn hour, genuinely absurd.
You get up and head to the kitchen. Standing at the window, you watch the first pale light come into the sky over the ridge and put the kettle on. When you hear his footsteps come up behind you, you donât turn around.
"You're up early," he says casually.
"Couldn't sleep."
He comes and stands beside you at the window. You hear him pour himself a mug of coffee and lean against the counter drinking it quietly. If thereâs one thing youâve learned since you hitched your wagon to his itâs that Joelâs good at quiet. Sometimes itâs the thing you love most about him and sometimes it drives you absolutely insane.
"Joel.â
"Yeah."
You turn away from the window to see him watching you with those dark eyes that always seem to be calculating something, reading something or running some private assessment that you stopped trying to decode years ago. Heâs in his undershirt and flannel pants, a crease from the pillow on his cheek, and heâs so familiar it aches.
"I need to tell you something," you say, "and I need you to not make it into something it isn't."
He pauses. "Okay."
"And I need you to not try to fix it immediately."
The pause lasts longer this time, and you can see his brain already working through a million different scenarios. "I'll try."
You wrap your hands around your mug and look at the table rather than at him.
"I went to see Dr Vee."
The quality of his silence shifts. You feel him go still in a specific way â the way he goes still when the information arriving requires him to revise something, to quickly run new calculations.
"When?" he asks, carefully.
"A few days ago."
"You didn't tell me you were goinâ."
"I know, I'm telling you now."
You make yourself look up and instantly see that his jawâs tight.
"I'm okay. It's notâŠit's not that kind of thing. I'm not sick or hurt. I'm..." You exhale. "I'm going through the change of life. Itâs called perimenopause."
The word sits in the kitchen between you.
Joel says nothing. He looks at you with that particular expression that means heâs processing and isnât ready to respond yet. Youâve learned over the years not to rush that expression because rushing it gets you something defensive and half-formed rather than whatever he actually thinks.
"It's theâŠit's the hormonal transition before menopause," you say, because the silence is getting heavy and you need to keep talking or youâre going to lose your nerve. "The hot flashes I've been having, those are a symptom. TheâŠthe sleep stuff, being tired, the moodsâŠ"
You swallow.
"The...the not wanting to. The difficulty withâŠwith being dry when weâŠwhen we try."
The last part costs you something and you havenât known how much until you say it, until the warmth hits your face and you realise youâre actually blushing, actually mortified in a way you havenât been in front of this man in years.
Joel sets his mug on the counter and stays quiet for so long that youâve started to construct catastrophic narratives â he's disgusted, he's disappointed, he's realising he's stuck with someone whose body is doing something irreversible and unglamorous andâŠ
"Why didn't you tell me?" he says, his voice low.
"Because I didn't know what was wrong," you reply, "not exactly. Not until I saw Dr Vee. And before that I just thoughtâŠ" You press your lips together. "I thought I was losing something. Or becoming⊠less. I don't know. It's embarrassing, Joel. It's embarrassing to not want someone you love, and not know why, and not be able to explain it to them. It's embarrassing toâŠ"
Your voice threatens to fracture, and you hold it level.
"To be lying there while someone you love tries and feeling nothing and not knowing if it's ever going to come back."
Joel looks at you for a long moment. Then he crosses the kitchen, takes the mug out of your hands and sets it next to his, his hands coming to rest on either side of your face, large and warm.
"Look at me," he says and you raise your eyes to meet his. "You thought I'dâŠwhat, think less of you?"
You donât answer, because yes â that is precisely what you thought, and saying it out loud to his face feels even more foolish than it seemed in the privacy of your own catastrophising.
"Hey." His thumb moves along your cheekbone. "I've been worried sick for weeks. I didn't know if I'dâŠif I'd done somethinâ or said somethin' wrong. I didn't know if you were tired of me, I didn't know if there was somethinâ wrong and you weren't tellinâ meâŠI've been lyinâ next to you not knowinâ what was wrong, watchinâ you pull away and notâŠnot known how to ask without makinâ it worse."
Oh.
You havenât thought of that. Youâve been so consumed by your own experience of this thing â the confusion of it, the embarrassment, the quietly devastating sense of your own body becoming unreliable â that you havenât fully reckoned with what it looks like from the other side of the bed.
Joel, who loves you, canât fix things, canât explain things and has been waking up next to a wall he doesnât know how to scale.
"I thought you knew it wasn't you," you say.
"How was I supposed to know that?"
You close your eyes briefly, because heâs being entirely fair.
"I'm sorry," you say. "I should'veâŠI should've said something earlier. I was ashamed and I didn'tâŠ"
"Don't." His forehead comes down to rest against yours. "Don't apologise. I'm notâŠI'm not angry with you, baby, I just." He exhales. "I just needed to know."
You stand there, and something you've been carrying for months loosens in your chest. Not entirely, but enough that you can breathe differently.
"Dr Vee gave me some things," you say. "Botanical stuff, and someâŠsome preparations that are supposed to help with the physical symptoms. She said it's normal. She was very clear about it being a normal process."
"Good."
"It doesn't mean the wanting is gone forever. She said for a lot of women it adjusts and evens out eventually. Just the transition isâŠa lot.â
"Okay." He pulls back enough to look at you, his eyes moving over your face in the way they do when heâs committing something to memory or making a decision.
"What do you need?"
The simplicity of the question almost undoes you.
What do you need. Not, what should we do about this or how do we fix it. Just, what do you need.
"I need you not to make me feel like something's broken," you say. "I need you toâŠI need it to be okay when I can't. And I need you to notâŠnot pull away entirely, just because I've been different. I still need you close, Joel. I still need to feel like youâŠlike you still want to be close to me, even when it can't go anywhere."
Joel holds your face in his hands for a moment longer, and you watch him work through something â that interior processing, the careful assembly of a response thatâs actually true rather than just immediately comforting.
"I pulled back because I didn't want to push," he says finally, ânot because I didn't want you. Those two things ainât the same."
"I know that now. I think I just needed to hear it."
He makes a low sound that isnât quite a word and pulls you into him, one hand flat against the back of your head, your face against his shoulder, and you stand there letting him hold you with the particular solidity he has and feel, for the first time in months, like youâre in the right coordinates. Like you've been slightly displaced and have finally found your way back to exactly where youâre supposed to be standing.
"We're gonna figure it out," he says into your hair. Not it'll be fine, not don't worry, but rather the specific practical commitment of we are going to work this problem together, which is the most Joel Miller expression of love you can imagine, and it breaks something loose in your chest that you havenât realised was still clenched.
****
The first week after the conversation is its own kind of awkward.
You've spent so long not saying things that having said them leaves you both slightly exposed and uncertain how to proceed. The way you feel after finally lancing something â relieved but also raw and tentative about what comes next.
Joelâs careful in a new way now, a way thatâs warmer than the previous caution. He touches you more in the small ways â his hand at the small of your back when you pass in the kitchen, the deliberate way he drops a kiss to the top of your head when youâre reading by the fire. Not loaded touches, not leading anywhere, just present. I'm here. You're here. This is still us.
You keep meaning to use the preparations Dr Veeâs given you and keep finding reasons to put it off. They sit in the small box on your side of the dresser, and you regard them each morning with the complex emotional relationship one develops with necessary but humbling things.
On a Thursday evening, almost two weeks after the kitchen conversation, Joel picks the box up off the dresser and you look up from where youâre taking off your boots to see him turning it over in his hands with an expression you canât immediately read.
"This what she gave you?"
"Yes."
He opens it and looks at the small, stoppered bottle of vitamin E oil, the tin of coconut oil and the cloth packet of dried black cohosh with Dr Veeâs careful handwritten label. He examines each one with the focused attention he gives to anything mechanical or practical, the same way he assesses a weapon's condition or a vehicle's engine problem â with genuine interest and no apparent judgment.
He sets the black cohosh aside and holds up the bottle. "This one?"
"And the tin."
He nods slowly, sets them both on the nightstand and sets the box on the dresser.
"Okay.â
Thatâs it â okay. No commentary, no visible awkwardness, no performance of being fine with something heâs secretly weird about. Itâs such a profoundly Joel response that you find yourself laughing and he glances over at you.
"What?"
"Nothing. JustâŠyou."
The corner of his mouth moves. "Me?"
"The way you justâŠfiled it."
"What else was I gonna do?"
You donât have an answer for that, so you finish pulling your boots off, set them on the floor, look at him and feel, quietly and simply, that you love him very much.
****
The hot flashes continue. The black cohosh helps by blunting the worst of them and taking the edge off the frequency. You still wake sometimes in the small hours with that internal furnace blast, but more often now Joelâs awake too, or half-awake, and he simply folds the blanket back without a word, and you lie there in the cool air until it passes. He waits until, eventually, you're cold again and he pulls it back and then settles back into sleep.
He starts leaving the window cracked without being asked. One night you wake up to find itâs cracked, and it always is after that.
The mood swings are harder to navigate cleanly. There are evenings where something small catches at you and becomes enormous without your full participation.
Some hormonal amplifier turning minor friction into something that feels catastrophic. You hear yourself say something sharper than you intend, see his jaw tighten and know heâs choosing to absorb it rather than return it.
Afterward, when the chemical weather has shifted and you feel like yourself again, you apologise and tell him itâs not about him, and he says he knows and means it, you think. Or is at least working on meaning it.
Once he says, almost under his breath: "This what it was like livin' with me for years?"
You look at him.
"The moods," he says. "The not knowin' where it's comin' from."
Heâs mapping it onto something he recognises, offering a kind of symmetry that you havenât expected. A quiet, private acknowledgment that the territory of being difficult and not fully choosing it is not unfamiliar to him.
"Probably something like that," you say carefully.
He nods once, looking at some middle distance. Then he goes back to whatever heâs been doing, the conversation over, and itâs been one of the most unexpectedly intimate exchanges you can remember.
****
Itâs a Saturday night in late January, the cold absolute outside, the woodstove doing its best, when things shift.
You havenât planned it. Thatâs the thing about desire â when it finally finds its way back through the fog and the flatness, it doesnât arrive with ceremony. It arrives the way returning feeling arrives in a limb that's been asleep â tingling, slightly shocking and suddenly present.
Joelâs at the table reading one of the battered paperbacks from the community library, and youâre watching him from across the room with a cup of cooling tea and registering, with something like surprised relief, that you want him.
Not a polite wanting, not a decided wanting, not I should try. Just clean simple want, easy as breathing, the old thing returning like a word you've forgotten you know.
He looks up and finds you watching.
"What?â
"Nothing."
He holds your gaze for a moment, and you see him recognise something in your expression, something he hasnât seen in a while. The particular quality of his attention shifts and he closes the book.
In the bedroom, with the lamp turned low and the cold pressing at the windows, you let him relearn you slowly. Not rushing, not the practiced ease of a routine you can both do without thinking â this is more careful than that, more deliberate, His hands move over you with the genuine attention you remember from the first year and also entirely unlike it because youâre not who you were in the first year, neither is he and the difference isnât loss.
He finds the oil on the nightstand and uses it without comment or making it a thing, with the same practical and focused care he brings to anything that needs doing right. His hands are warm and unhurried, and you feel the tight-held embarrassment you've been carrying for months release its grip. Because thereâs nothing here to be ashamed of, nothing clinical or distancing about it when done like this, in the low light with his eyes on your face and his attention fully and specifically yours.
"Okay?" he asks.
"Yes," you say, genuinely meaning it.
"Tell me if it's not."
"I will."
He believes you. Thatâs the thing â he believes you now, because youâve finally told him the truth about whatâs happening in your body, have let him into the actual territory instead of leaving him to navigate it blind. The trust moves in both directions, and it makes everything different.
Itâs slower than it used to be. Some things are different, some sensations subtly altered, some angles better than others. You tell him what you need as you find it and he adjusts without question, without ego in it, which is its own language, its own kind of devotion.
Afterward you lie with your head on his chest in the dark and his arm around you. The woodstove ticks and outside the wind moves and you feel quiet in a way you havenât felt in months.
His hand moves up and down your back in a slow unconscious rhythm.
"Still with me?" he says. He sometimes asks that, after. Itâs never entirely lost the meaning it acquired in the first year â are you here, are we here, is this still the thing we're building?
"Still with you," you reply.
"Good."
You press your lips to his collarbone and think about what Dr Vee said. Youâre not losing but rather becoming â which is harder to hold in the mind but feels, in this moment, truer.
"It might not alwaysâŠ"
"I know."
"Some nights it might still beâŠ"
"I know." His arm tightens slightly. "And some nights you'll wake up at two in the morninâ like you're on fire and I'll open the window and we'll lie there 'til it passes. And some morninâs you won't be able to find a word you're lookinâ for, and some days the smallest thing's gonna catch you sideways, and I'll figure out which days those are and give you a wider berth."
He pauses.
"And I'll still be here."
You lift your head to look at him, his eyes finding yours with the ease of long familiarity.
"You rehearse that?"
"Little bit."
You laugh â really laugh, the kind that comes from somewhere warm and involuntary â and feel him smile against the top of your head, that rare private smile he only wears when no oneâs watching, which means heâs wearing it for you.
"Joel."
"Mm?"
"Thank you for beingâŠ" You stop and try again. "For not making it smaller than it is or bigger than it is. JustâŠ"
"Just what it is," he finishes.
"Yeah."
He pulls you back down against his chest. "Get some sleep while you can."
You close your eyes and realise that you donât feel like somethingâs ending. Rather you feel, in the particular stillness of this room and those arms and this quiet dark, like somethingâs continuing â not unchanged, not unmarked, but continuous.
Still yours. Still his. Complicated and warm and stubbornly, essentially here.