i rebel.

she has no loyalty to any person or cause except herself. she should have been left in jail. closed rp account for jyn erso.

[rebelfugitive]

shocadii:

“Wish we were meeting under better circumstances,” Shocadi mused. But it is what it is. They likely would not have approached each other when they were well– Shocadi tended to keep to herself most days. But right now, with no one to talk to, she had been a bit more social.

“You don’t know anything about what’s happening outside, do you? Koddi told me they were looking for a cure, but there wasn’t much he could do for them.” Shocadi also suspected that was the stress talking when he started putting himself down.

jyn didn’t know much about the other woman, and wasn’t too interested in getting to know her, but koddi was someone she didn’t mind being in the prescence of, so she felt as if she owed him at least this. “well, s’too bad that. . .we won’t be able to. . .do that,” she remarked dryly. in a few days, both of them would be dead, and they never would have been able to get the chance to truly know each other.

with cassian no longer visiting her, she knew nothing about the outside world. “doubt they’ve. . .made any progress,” she scoffed, leaning her head back against the wall and closing her eyes against the harsh, flurescant lighting. “don’t. . .get your hopes. . .up.”

[rebelfugitive]

starveiins:

she watched as jyn placed her hand on the glass and moved her own to line it up with hers. it was the closest thing they could get to any physical touches around the quarantine rooms nowadays. if orion had enough balls, she would’ve broken the glass days ago. “thanks,” she spoke a little shyly. she didn’t really discuss her newfound romantic relationship with anybody. it wasn’t like anyone needed to know but it was nice to let some of it out to someone other than gael. “yeah?” orion replied with hopeful eyes. “that’d be fun,” she softly smiled. a picture of the four of them finding some random restaurant or bar in naboo appealed to her greatly. “you know, if cassian doesn’t kill gael or gael doesn’t chicken out.”

orion put her hands on her hip and jokingly raised an eyebrow. “oh, you’re very frightening,” she teased. even if jyn was sick, she was sure that she could still beat anyone’s ass if the occasion ever rose. orion looked at her with concerned eyes as she coughed, desperately wanting to give the other a cup of water or something. “he’ll get used to it, though.”

this kind of ease she shared with orion was unfamiliar, but not unwanted. never had she ever been able to sit back and just talk about stupid things, like boys or feelings or any of that nonsense. however, she found herself smiling weakly at orion’s comments, happy that the conversation had turned from the exhausting commentary about her health. “s’long as. . .i can pick the. . .place,” she murmured softly, not sure if her voice could be heard on the other side of the glass. it was slowly becoming harder to talk, but she didn’t want to give up on their conversation entirely. “if you. . .make sure gael behaves,” she started, then coughed for a few beats, “i can. . .convince. . .cass’an.” 

she could hear the joke in orion’s voice, and jyn scowled in response. even sick, she had a reputation maintain, and she certainly didn’t want anyone thinking that she could be taken advantage of now that she was––well, weaker. “m’more than that,” she snapped, rapping her knuckles against the glass halfheartedly. “m’kriffing. . .scary as hell. . .he should. . .be scared.”

[rebelfugitive]

somethingtofightforx:

Admittedly, Finn wasn’t the biggest fan of small talk either. But, he was done with hearing his own worries play out in his head. “Alright well, where are you from?” He realized it after he said it, but he feared she would turn around and ask the same and he wouldn’t have an answer. He doesn’t remember his birth planet.

jyn rolled her eyes at his question. couldn’t he have thought of a better question to begin their conversation? “really?” she asked incredulously, raising an eyebrow, though she still felt inclined to give him an answer. “i’m from a lot of places.” she was born in a prison on vallt, but had lived on many planets in the outer rim in her early life, especially with saw. “am i supposed to ask you this back, now?”

[rebelfugitive]

ofandor:

homesick. the word had reverberated through cassian’s consciousness for the better part of the day and clouded any rational, logical thought. his fingers flitted skillfully through file after file, but his mind remained fixed on the strange word. in the darkness of the laboratory, it had taken on a shape, a meaning of its own, until it taunted him. cassian knew that he couldn’t possibly be homesick for fest. he scarcely remembered the little ice ball, and he certainly didn’t remember it fondly. he’d spent longer on yavin four than he had on any other planet, but it was no more a home to him than coruscant or even scarif. cassian had never had a home to miss. and then it struck him, perhaps the homesickness he felt was not for a place, but a person.

this, he thought, this was what sleep deprivation did to a man. he’d become nonsensical.

cassian focused his attention downward, studying the ugly brown patterns on his boots left behind by the mud, and he scowled at them. another day in the laboratory and they’d accomplished nothing. cassian wasn’t sure how many hours he’d spent in the bunker beneath naboo’s swamps, but it had taken a toll on his wellbeing. it was worth it if only they could find a cure for the blue shadow virus. perhaps jyn didn’t want him around anymore, but he’d be damned if he didn’t ensure that she would live to fight another day.

he glanced upward, a strange shape catching his attention out of the corner of his eye, and cassian froze. her face was shrouded almost entirely by a scarf, but he would have known jyn anywhere. “jyn?” he asked, a note of hope in his voice. cassian studied her for a moment, then two, and before he could stop himself cassian marched toward her. at last, he’d remembered himself. “jyn!” he hissed. “what are you doing?” he asked, his words were made jagged by his clenched teeth.

it hurt it hurt it hurt

jyn had never had the luxury to admit out loud that she was in pain, or even show the signs of it in her body language, but now she could barely hide them. each step felt as if she were walking a mile; the act of putting one foot in front of the other took more effort than what she ever could have imagined. more than what she would have liked, she had to stop and sag against the wall, tugging up her scarf to hide the blood staining her face and the way she could barely breathe. there weren’t any imperial soldiers anywhere, at least, not that she could see––but her vision was tunneling and black spots danced before her eyes, and she knew that it was plausible that she was simply missing them as she struggled to fight against the disease that was very slowly sapping her strength. 

well, if she couldn’t find any imps to kill, then she would just have to pick her own fights. there was a bar close to here. . .maybe? she squinted as she stumbled forward, trying to figure out just where the hell she was. the palace was. . .uh, that way? wait––shit, was that it, that far in the distance? fuck. okay, well, dying in her own bed seemed out of the picture, since she doubted she’d make it there alive. unfortunately for her, that was where most of the imperials were stationed as well. “fuck,” she muttered under her breath, stumbling to a stop and trying to regain her bearings. what the hell was she going to do now?

it hurt

before she could even think of a backup plan of how she wanted to die, of how she could control her fate, a familiar voice broke her out of her thoughts. “what. . .does it look like?” she panted, taking a step back as he came closer to her. oh, how her heart ached to be in his arms again, but she knew that he no longer wanted her in the same way that she wanted him. “doesn’t matter,” she muttered, turning away. it hurt too much to look him in the eye, so she took the coward’s way out and stared forehead, deliberately facing her back to him. “you abandoned me. . .cass’n, so now m’gonna. . .leave you.” with that, she had every intention of leaving, but a barrage of coughing stopped her. immediately, she snapped over at the waist, hacking up nearly everything in her lungs. the metallic taste of blood filled her mouth, and that was when her knees gave out and she fell to the ground. she had no idea if cassian was still watching, but didn’t care. huddled on the ground in the middle of a dark alleyway, she couldn’t find it in herself to care much about anything. 

“leave me t’die, cass,” she grit out, hunching over and wrapping her arms around her ribs to brace herself. “know. . .s’what you want t’do anyway. . .leave me behind like. . .you don’t even give a fuck.” once the words started coming out of her mouth, there was no stopping them, scarlet blood seeping out with every movement of her tongue and staining both her scarf and her skin. “didn’t even wan’ you t’leave. . .jus’ didn’t know how. . .t’get. . .you,” another cough, “you t’rest.”

[rebelfugitive]

koddiaa:

The Lethan huffed, not believing her for one second, and looked up at the sky. He was angry, so angry in fact. He wasn’t sure how much of it was directed at Jyn, and how much at the situation, but her lying about a cure sparked rage in him. If there was a cure then his other half would be healed and safe, and he wouldn’t feel like he was dying himself without her.

“Jyn, did you decide you knew better than every other soul on this planet?” Koddi asked, his tone far more bitter than he usually allowed himself to be. He dropped his head back down to glare at her.

Without caring about being infected Koddi came closer and stood over the weakened Human, expression a cold mix of annoyance and despair. This sickness was nothing like the one that took his mother, but the weakness it inflicted it’s victims with was and there was an unwelcome ache in his chest seeing Jyn in such a way.

He rested a hand on the wall above her, using his body to hide her from the people passing by at the other end of the pathway. “Before you run off, I won’t turn you in. I would like to know, did you have a plan or were you just going to run around hiding like a rodent until you died, and some child found your corpse in an alleyway, got infected from it and then went off and infected all their friends?”

jyn had grown closer to koddi over the past few weeks they’d spent on naboo, and his anger at her presence cut through her like a knife. she hadn’t planned on running into anyone, let alone infect other citizens (unlike rey, she had actually taken precautions against that), and she didn’t want to deal with this right now. as he came closer to her, she took a step back, flinching when he stopped a few feet away from her. even sick and malnourished, she didn’t let his height intimidate her––she stood tall and proud as always, despite everything, even under the weight of her (admittedly foolish) actions.

“look, i’m sorry, all right?” she hissed, chest compressing painfully as she spoke. she took another step away from him, eager to escape and go do what she’d meant to do. the longer she spent here, arguing with koddi over her skewed  morals, was time wasted. with each second, she grew closer and closer to death. “wasn’t supposed t’ run. . .into anyone, okay?”

 at his next statement, she let out a heavy yet raspy breath. good. if he had planned on turning her in, then she would have had no other choice than to fight him. in her weakened state, she doubted that she would win, but she had to try. she wouldn’t go back to quarantine without putting up a fight. 

“i’m going to. . .kill as many imps as i can before. . .they kill me,” she told him, punctuating her words with a jab of her finger. “i’m dying, koddi. m’not going. . .t’ sit in a sterile room and let. . .myself waste away.” she couldn’t think of anyone who would prefer that end.

[rebelfugitive]

ofscavenging:

rey nodded swiftly and stumbled aside as jyn pushed past her, but still couldn’t help the smile on her face as she fixed her dress then followed after her. freedom. at long last. the first thought on her mind was finding amias ( somehow ) and bolting straight into his arms to not let go for a long, long time. she let out a breath of relief, seeming to realize how nice it was just as jyn did, then closed the door and once again channeled the force to lock it once again, even if it pained her to know ben and the others were still in there. when she glanced back at jyn, rey realized she was already walking off, and she furrowed her eyebrows before running forward, even if it exhausted her quickly. “w-wait!” she piped up, gently grabbing her arms and holding her back, for now. “amia-… my friend told me th-there are guards stationed around here… o-overnight ones… we-we need to somehow get past them. we can’t just run out,” she muttered, rolling her eyes at the ridiculousness of the idea. as if she hadn’t had her fair share. 

kriffing hell. jyn turned toward rey, running her fingers through her hair angrily. “other people. . . know about this?” she hissed, breath coming heavy as she tried to focus on a plan of action. of course she couldn’t trust rey to keep her mouth shut––though she hadn’t known rey would be joining her on this little expedition. “he better not. . .tell anyone,” she threatened, wagging her finger in the other woman’s direction. “or else i’ll––” a cough cut through her words, and even though she tucked her face into the crook of her elbow, she could still feel the hot blood that was spilling out of her mouth. “else i’ll. . .kill him myself.” the last part was muttered; her temper was waning as she was faced with her imminent death. they’d have to get through the guards somehow, and she would do it in the only way she knew how: by fighting. “do you. . .have any weapons?” she asked finally, propping her hands on her hips, though jyn knew that she didn’t. the medics had taken away her blaster as soon as she’d entered. “never mind. i don’t. . .need anythin’ ‘cept my. . . hands to kill ‘em.”

[rebelfugitive]

notahero-butaprotector:

“I don’t have to, your expression said it all…” Amilyn pointed out “It’s been my job to read people for many years” she added, curious of why the woman was so hostile. “Are you always this pleasant to people? Though…It’d make sense if you were First Order, I keep running into them” she mused “Both figuratively and literally.” she then turned away from Jyn, was there not a single polite one who could give her some sort of idea what was going on? It seemed like everyone just wanted to brush her off.

jyn let out a huff, shaking her head. finally, this woman was leaving her alone, though there was something jyn couldn’t let slide. “i’d rather die than join. . .the kriffing empire,” she called out, pressing a hand to her chest as if to stop the rattling in her lungs. “good luck out there, hotshot.” that last part was said with complete sarcasm––jyn could not give a fuck whether or not the other woman lived or not.

[rebelfugitive]

nervetests:

“come on. no one likes medics, but they’re necessary. especially now.” wedge is a terror in medical most of the time, but in an emergency like this, he’ll grit his teeth and bear whatever they tell him to do. he loathes being bedridden and ill, and it’s that knowledge which drives him back to visit the quarantine area again and again. it’s sympathy, really, in its purest form. “… i do know that. but you know i’m going to keep asking.”

all genuine concern.

wedge pauses. he has to lean closer to the glass to hear her, but this matters too much for him to back away. there’s a flash of something in his gaze. evidently she’s closer to this guy than she wants to let on, but he isn’t going to interrogate. that’s not his place either. “i’ll - i’ll tell him all that if i find him. i’m sure that whoever he is, he’ll understand.”

“i haven’t killed. . .one yet,” jyn grits out, though that’s mainly because she hasn’t let one close enough to her to strangle them. the closest she’d gotten to murdering one had been when they’d tried to hook her up to an iv, but she had been so out of it that once she saw the needle, she had been too lost in her memories to do any harm. “they can. . .i promise i won’t kill them. . .as long as they don’t touch me.” it’s a compromise, at the very least, even though it’s not a great one.

“thank you, wedge,” she manages, offering him a weak smile. he doesn’t even know cassian, and yet he’s willing to tell him these things because she’d asked him too. guilt gnaws at her stomach. here wedge is, being so kind and accomidating, and he doesn’t even know her real name. “you know,” she starts, “i’m really. . .glad i got to know you. . .in this lifetime.” it was short, and would be over soon, but she is grateful for his friendship. “but i. . .haven’t been entirely. . .truthful. i. . .my name isn’t. . .liana hallik.”

[koddiaa]

@rebelfugitive

Reeling from seeing his sister in such a weakened, sickly state, Koddi had been wandering in something of a daze when a sight caught his attention. A familiar flick of brown hair and pale skin, which could have been Rey at first glance but Koddi shook his head.

Her form wasn’t thin enough nor tall enough. 

The Lethan picked up into a wide stride, jogging off in the direction he saw Jyn run off to, and it wasn’t until they were alone in a side alley that he called out to her.

“Jyn? Why are you out of quarantine?” He swallowed, barely daring to hope. “Have you recovered?”

[rebelfugitive]

it was hard hiding her illness from others, though no one had found her suspicious enough to drag back to jail–––quarantine. for the most part, jyn had been pretending that she was drunk, and with a scarf over her nose and mouth to hide the blood, no one was any the wiser. 

that was, of course, until koddi called out her name from behind her. 

she knew that she couldn’t expose herself, not if she wanted to end up back in that damn place, so she stopped, leaning heavily against the wall of the alleyway he had found her in. “yes,” she lied easily, trying to hide the raspiness of her voice that would give her away immediately. “they gave me a. . .cure and i’m better now.”

[rebelfugitive]

notahero-butaprotector:

Amilyn nodded to the other, a small smile on her lips when the other agreed with her “Well, I imagine agreeing with others is hard for you. I’ll admit it’s been a while since I’ve been told to Kriff off…I’m Amilyn, though of course I can be on my way if you really aren’t one for company. I’m just of the belief that support is needed in times like this. It’s times like this that we need to be stronger and more supportive for the common moral. Do you need anything?”

“you don’t. . .even know me,” jyn sneered. she could be agreeable when she wanted to be, but right not she wasn’t feeling particularly friendly toward the other woman. “i don’t need anything from you,” she didn’t need anything from anyone, “except for you. . .to leave.” kriffing hell, she’d been saying that for what felt like hours now.

[rebelfugitive]

starkillcrs:

       DOESN’T  IT  GET  TIRING , he  wants  to  ask ,  being  so  pessimistic  all  the  time ,  so  sure  things  will  never  work  in  her  favor ?  it’s  the  hand  life  has  dealt  her ,  he  figures  it  having  shaped  her  ideals  to  reflect  the  loss  that  follows  her  closer  than  her  own  shadow .  yet ,  no  matter  how  presumptuous  he’s  being  in  his  conclusions  towards  her  character ,  he  wonders  how  one  lives  life  in  such  a  way ,  without  touching  the  tip  of  happiness  and  enjoying  it  for  all it’s  worth ,  without  the  fear  it’ll  be  snatched  like  everything  else  always  has .   ❛  if  you’re  going  to  give  up  so  quickly ,  then  perhaps  you’re  right .  ❜  he  has  no  right  to  say  it  the  way  he  does ,  a  hint  of  steely  anger  disguised  with  nonchalance  —  yet  no  life  is  worth  throwing  away ,  especially  not  hers.    

    HE  SIGHS ,  running  a  hand  through  his  hair  as  he  paces  away  for  a  moment ,  collectively  taking  a  few  breathes .  she’s  so  prepared  to  die  — perhaps  the  whole  reason  he’s  so  offended  on  her  behalf  is  the  fact  she  reminds  him  a  little  of  himself  after  he  failed  his  family ,  and  by  extension  the  galaxy  as  a  whole  with  the  introduction  of  a  new  evil .  ahch - to  had  been  his  version  of  a  quarantine  of  a  sorts ,  yet  he  MADE  the  choice ,  jyn  was  simply  giving  into  her  circumstances .  (  it’s  all  very  complicated .  )  he  approaches  the  glass  again  with  a  calmer  exterior  and  it  takes  him  a  moment  before  he  nods ,  unable  to  look  in  the  eyes .   ❛  if  it  comes  down  to  it ,  i  will .  you  have  my  word .   ❜  but  it  won’t ,  you’ll  be  fine ,  sits  on  his  lips ,  this  time  unsaid  and  recognized  as  futile .  ❛  if  you  can …  take  care  of  my  sister , please .  you  don’t … you  don’t  need  to  do  anything ,  just ,  ❜  he  stops  for  a  moment ,  struggling .  ❛  i  don’t  want  her  to  be  alone .  ❜ 

jyn clenches her jaw and looks away, knowing that if she speaks now, her voice will crack. it’s not easy to hear––and especially not easy to admit––that luke is right. she is giving up, but only because she knows the impossibility of the situation they’re trapped in. she’s dying (she’d started coughing up blood this morning), she’s trapped on a planet she hates, and she’s alone. that’s probably the worst of it––she wants to live for cassian, but without him, she doesn’t care. still, she’s not going to admit that to luke, even if his disdainful and angry words upset her. she has too much pride to admit she’s wrong, and has too much pride to show the hurt flashing in his eyes. “great,” she snaps. “then leave. if you’re just. . .going to stand there and. . .shout at me, then leave. kriff off.”

why is she so upset by his words? why does gaining his approval mean so much to her? his role in the destruction of the death star is what she respects about him, but pushing that aside, there’s something else. she doesn’t know what it is, but she does know that she doesn’t want to think about it any longer. “deal,” she responds quietly, “you take care of. . .cass, and i’ll watch. . .leia.” she doubted she’d go and talk to the other woman, but she could at least keep an eye on her for luke. “anything. . .else?” she’s not in the mood for conversation. not anymore.

[rebelfugitive]

ofscavenging:

“you don’t have to help me… i-i’m doing it on my own, actually… i just need a way out, and-and you seem to be going anyway,” rey replied, coughing softly after she had spoken. her throat still pained her, and her breaths were short, along with the whole issue regarding her lack of appetite, but she was determined to escape and to figure out this issue before anyone she cared about met their end. she nodded swiftly. that was more than fine by her; she didn’t want anyone, not even a skilled soldier like jyn, to accompany her on her mission. if she were to be caught, she would face the consequences alone. “just… d-don’t look, it makes me nervous,” she mumbled, turning towards the door quickly. it was a lame excuse, but hopefully jyn would not notice. rey pretended to fumble with the lock, pulling at the handle a couple times, but gave a nonchalant wave of her hand when she knew jyn was not looking. with some concentration and focus, the lock popped open in just a few seconds. she froze, breathing steadily for a beat as she looked over at jyn. they had done it; they were free. “be quiet and be careful… i-i don’t feel any presences nearby, so the medics m-might already be asleep… but still, w-we need to get out of here quickly before they see…”

if rey could get the both of them out of here, then jyn was going to have to trust her. her condition was worsening by the hour, and despite her talent with lock-picking, she knew that it might take too long for her to escape without alerting the medics. the fact that rey wanted to break the lock in secret would have been a red flag if she were in the right mind space to question it, but the manner in which they broke out of here was not forefront in her brain right now. instead of questioning her, jyn sagged against the wall, closing her eyes and tugging her scarf half-heartedly over her nose, grimacing at the taste of blood in the back of her throat. before she knew it, rey had the door open. she opened her eyes, raising her brows in begrudging respect. “let’s get. . .out of here,” she said, choosing not to comment on anything else and pushed past her to get out of the room. the air out here was much fresher, though that was probably because it wasn’t heavy with disease. without looking behind her to see if rey was following her, because she really didn’t care, she pushed forward and headed for the doors leading outside. if she was going to get out of here before anyone caught her, she had to move fast.

[rebelfugitive]

starveiins:

a cure was never something that was promised but she hated how she thought it was. everyone probably thought it was going to be more simple than this or at least, some progress would have been made by now but there was barely anything. her team members gathered information that was a long stretch from what they were trying to accomplish but at least it was something, right? well, if it didn’t cure the sick in any way, nothing really mattered. “i’m trying,” orion insisted. she couldn’t do much more than cry and beg for gael to stay even though it wasn’t his decision in whether he lived or died. it was the force’s choice or what ever thing that ruled over their galaxy. “all i can do is tell him i love him.” that and searching for the cure but if they couldn’t find one, she’d rather spend her time with her loved ones. “and i do love him.”

“that’s a lot to ask,” orion retorted, a smile pulling at the corner of her lips. it had seemed so long ago, the first time they had first spoken to each other. things had been tense between the two until that fateful night on naboo. the two women stealing hundreds of credits worth of alcohol, sneaking off to a pool and waking up the next day with major headaches. they had done it together. and now… well, orion liked to think they were friends. “he probably is,” she admitted. “anyone who hangs out with cassian makes him wary.”

“i know. . .you are,” jyn replied gently, reaching up a shaky hand to the glass and wishing that she can reassure orion better. the people who were working on the cure were some of the people she trusted most on this planet––luke, wedge, orion. . .maybe even cassian. if there was a cure to be found, then those people would find it––though with each day she spent trapped in here with seemingly no hope, she found it hard to believe that she would make it out of this quarantine zone alive. at her confession of love, jyn offered the other woman a small smile. “i’m happy for you,” she said, nothing but genuine truth in her eyes. “when this is all over. . .” one way or another, “we should. . .all go out, sometime.” if cassian still wanted anything to do with her and she survived this mess, that was.

“no, s’not,” she retorted weakly, trying to summon enough fire in her voice to somehow sound menacing, but it was so hard and she was so tired. perhaps her ghastly appearance made up for the lack of her usual spite. “can’t say i. . .look very frightening,” she started, then had to cut herself off to cough. the disease was slowly growing worse; this morning, she had tasted blood in the back of her mouth. “but that. . .makes sense, i suppose.”

[rebelfugitive]

@ofandor

theed was more maze-like than what jyn remembered, though that might be because she could barely remain standing without using the wall for assistance. where was she, exactly? the outskirts of the city, maybe, though she wasn’t sure––the streets were shifting and winding underneath her gaze, and she was stumbling through a part of town she didn’t recognize. she sagged against the wall, tugging her scarf up higher over her mouth to hide the way her breath rattled in her lungs. the face mask she had stolen from the medics was already soaked in her blood, and even though she could barely work up the strength to keep pulling up her disguise, she knew that if anyone figured out that she was infected, they’d lock her back up in quarantine quicker than she could process their realization. she had to get out of town before that happened, and with that thought in mind, she pushed herself up and stumbled forward, trying to act drunk instead of dying.

she needed to get out of here––there was nothing left on this damn rock for her now that cassian left her. she was going to die, but she was going to do it on her own terms. if she was going to go down, she was going to go down fighting––and there were plenty of first order operatives in naboo right now. the medics had taken her weapons away from her when she had first entered quarantine, but she didn’t need her blaster to wring someone’s neck.

[rebelfugitive]

ofandor:

cassian’s expression shifted at once. he had scarcely managed to maintain his emotional control over the last few moments, but he could do so no more. at last, his expression gave way and morphed into something akin to confusion and panic. i don’t want to leave you. this was precisely the reality that cassian had tried to avoid. ever since the medical staff had taken jyn away from him, he’d tried to remain positive. they would find a cure, they had to find a cure. he wouldn’t allow himself to imagine a future in which she was not by his side, but here, at last, was the time to face reality. there was more than a dozen people working on a cure for the blue shadow virus, and they’d worked tirelessly, but they were no closer to finding an answer than they’d been at the start. with each passing hour, jyn grew closer to death. “please…” he started. it was all that cassian could do not to beg jyn to stay with him, so instead he forced his gaze downward to the floor and tightened his jaw. please don’t leave me. though he’d only managed to utter the first word, he had a feeling that she would understand what he meant. “… i’m sorry.” he muttered, shaking his head. cassian wanted desperately to stay strong for jyn, to keep himself from breaking down before her for fear that she would lose hope, but it became harder with each passing day. exhaustion threatened to overwhelm him, his control was frayed, and he felt ready to crumble. cassian clenched his jaw tightly, digging his blunt nails into his palms, and forced himself to be strong for her. “we are going to find a cure,” he replied plainly. “you’re not going anywhere.” at least, she wasn’t going to leave him as a result of sickness, not if he had any say in the matter.

“sick?” he shook his head. the blue shadow virus had been trapped in the quarantined area. so far, there had been no further infections on the outside, so it seemed rather unlikely that he would catch what she had. “worst i’ll get is a cold. it’s nothing to worry about.” he’d survived worse, they both had.

i want you to leave. for a long moment, cassian could only stare. his dark eyes went wide with surprise, dismay, hurt, and his lips parted as though he thought to respond. no words came, however. the resolve he had gathered just moments before, fell away just as quickly as he had conjured it. she couldn’t possibly mean that. he shook his head slightly, a silent refusal to go, all the while his expression remained dumbfounded. leave? he couldn’t leave. she was terribly ill, losing weight rapidly, and it seemed that she would start to cough up blood at any moment. “i-i can’t.” he replied quietly. “i don’t want to.” there was a note of anger in his voice, as if she had just said something blasphemous. in reality, he felt hurt, but he held onto hope that he had misunderstood. when she repeated it, however, when she reminded him of his promise, cassian was left with no choice. he had promised jyn that he would only leave her if she asked him to, that the only reason that he would ever abandon her as saw or her parents had, would be because she told him that she didn’t want him anymore. it was all cassian could do to keep his mouth shut. he wanted desperately to argue with her, to tell her that she was only telling him to leave because she thought that he would take better care of himself if he wasn’t constantly visiting her, but he didn’t. instead, cassian bit his tongue until it hurt, until he tasted blood in his mouth, and only then did he meet her eye. for just a moment he studied her, silently challenging her resolve, but she didn’t budge. a short, sharp hiss escaped him and cassian turned on his heels and started for the door. he was angry, hurt by her decision, and tremendously heartbroken. in these last hours, she didn’t want him by her side. she had demanded that he leave, and he was bound by the promise that he’d made.

jyn didn’t want him to leave, but she knew it was for the best. there was an ache in her heart that she knew had nothing to do with the disease; seeing him walk away, just as she watched her mother and saw walk away, threatened her composure and almost made her fall to pieces. when his mask fell into place, the one that she hated, she knew that it was over. he didn’t understand her meaning, didn’t understand that she only wanted him to leave so he would take care of himself, so she opened up her mouth to stop him, but he was gone before she could do so. she closed her eyes, reminding herself that this was what she wanted as she struggled to keep her mask in place. she would rather have him angry and upset with her than dead. she had to keep reminding herself of that fact––but as she watched him walk away from her, not even bothering to look back. . .well, she couldn’t quite help the tear that slipped down her face and the way her jaw shook in effort to keep herself from breaking completely.

this would be something jyn doubted she would be able to recover from.

[rebelfugitive]

notahero-butaprotector:

The admiral was intrigued by this one, she almost wondered why she recognised her, but maybe she just saw something of herself in her to a degree. But little did they both know- they’d sacrificed their lives for the Resistance cause. “And who hasn’t?” she asked “I think anyone who denies that fact is dishonest”

“i suppose. . .you’re right,” jyn replied with narrowed brows, hating the fact that she was agreeing with this woman whom she seemingly had nothing else in common with. “now you can. . .kriff off, yeah? now that i’ve. . .i’ve agreed with you.” and that was hard enough to get.

[rebelfugitive]

ofscavenging:

the mask was the first thing to catch rey’s attention. what was the point of her wearing it in a place where everyone was already infected? the only people who wore those around here were the medics, who only dropped in to do routine checks or replenish the food stock in the large kitchen. so why had jyn taken to stealing one? it wouldn’t make sense unless… unless she was planning on being around people who weren’t infected. she narrowed her eyes in suspicion at the words she spoke, knowing she was trying to get her away from the window. “you come here a-and you tell me to leave you alone…” she noted quietly, but not accusatory in any way. it all made sense now; jyn had similar plans to her own. plans of escape. and rey wanted in. she glanced around, making sure no one, on either side of the glass, was approaching, then moved closer to jyn. “i’m coming with you. i-i was making a plan to leave anyway, t-to try to find the cure on my own. we’ll be more successful if we do it together,” she whispered swiftly, wiping at her nose with the back of her hand, as hux loved oh-so-much. “i-i have a way to open the door… fr-from my scavenging days.” a lie; she would use the force. but jyn didn’t have to know that. she could easily make it look like she was messing with the lock on the door while she was really using the force to propel it to open. “you have to l-let me or… or i-i’ll tell the medics.”

there had been a brief moment, in the beginning of her time on earth, that jyn felt as if she could have liked rey. the other woman had offered her shelter and medical help even though jyn had been a complete stranger, and given time, jyn thought that they could have been on better terms––friends, even. now, however, rey’s presence was nothing now but an annoyance and hindrance to her plan. she grit her teeth, gears turning in her mind as she struggled to formulate a new course of action. “i’m not. . .helping you find. . .a kriffing cure,” she sneered, taking a wobbling step forward. there was seemingly no way she could tell rey to fuck off without alerting the medics, but she had to draw the line in spending more time than what was necessary with the jedi. “i let you. . .come with me, but we’re done. . .once we’re outside, got it?” the only thing jyn wanted to do was get away from this damned city, and find a somewhat peaceful place to die. there was no cure––it was foolish to even hope for something that wasn’t going to happen, and much easier to accept the inevitable. “open the damn door, then,” she snarled, leaning up against the wall again. it was much easier to stand back and let rey do the hard work––she could barely stand without help. it wouldn’t be long now. “do it. . .before someone finds us.”