This has been in my head since December but I only just got around to actually typing it out. The whole idea and script is from Brooklyn 99 cold opening from "Game Night" Season 5, Episode 10. I tried to keep it as much gender neutral as possible.
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"And so concludes this year's secret Santa draw. Just a quick reminder of the rules: $200 limit, no perishable food, and no untested homemade weapons." Bruce said looking around at the group in front of him.
"Oh Bruce, I would like a $200 gift card to biggest bookstore in Gotham." I said as I interlock my hands on my lap.
"I don't have you." Bruce responded with a deadpan stare at me.
"Not only do I know that you do in fact have me, but I also know who everyone else has." I said with a smug smile, waving my hands around the group.
"That's not possible." Dick chimed in.
"Perhaps not for an ordinary man such as yourself, Richard. But for the brilliant mind of Detective Sherlock Holmes aka me, it's quite simply- elementary." I get up from my seat and stand next to Bruce.
"For you see, Jason made a face I only recognized from our venting sessions, which means he has Bruce. Dick has Jason. His eyes keep shifting over to him."
"No, I don't." Dick responds as his eyes yet again shift to Jason.
"Damian looked happy, which means he has Dick. Kate didn't draw a name, nor did she put one in. She doesn't want to participate."
"Never do." Kate speaks up as she leans back against the counter.
"Duke moves his mouth when he reads and he quite clearly said Damian."
"I did get Damian." Duke looks at me before turning it over to show the group.
"Tim has Duke. He's holding his paper name side out."
Tim blinks a few times to wake up before looking down at the paper which he is in fact holding name side out. "Oh you're good."
"And I have Tim which means Bruce has me." I smile as I turn to Bruce. "I'll be taking that gift card. I love new books."
I clasps my hands in front of me as I look around at the quiet and stunned group.
There is another second of silence before Bruce says, "Should we draw the names again and leave you out?" He says to me before turning to face the group.
A uniform 'Yeah' is the responds he gets.
"No! Sherlock wants a present!" I yell out.