bell

second blog

[red-anxiolytics]

Intro post —

this is a second! --- main: @ask-mk-ultra-guineapig (please send asks to save me from the boredom) ; this blog is mostly made for writing and thougths. will remain CoD related, mostly Cold War. main intro post --- please read the rules and do not use my work to feed any type of ai . Warning: this blog might have nsfw or tws .

[ask-mk-ultra-guineapig]

"i bet on losing dogs" but it's the enemy agent that you tortured and brainwashed, used and abused until they could no longer function at all. its the dog that you made, that you know you will, eventually, lose. you know it will be by your own hands; but maybe you don't even care. do you?

[red-anxiolytics]

🧪Choose your poison☠️:

Adler and Bell kissing at Duga, with Perseus watching it.

Or Adler and Perseus kissing at Duga, with Bell watching it.

Or Perseus and Bell kissing at Duga, with Adler watching it.

1 is definitely is the best, but 3 seems interesting too.

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Bell watching the blood seep out of the very God that built them, wanting nothing more than to spit and stick their tongue in his mouth just to make it a even harder to breathe. Bell sticking too fingers in his wounds. Bell moaning at their enemy's —Adler's— death chokes and grunts of pain. Bell forcing kisses. Bell making sure that Adler is still suffering enough for their pleasure. Bell crying in anger and taking it all out. Bell slapping Adler, one time on his scarred cheek, one time somewhere else. Let your imagination wander. Bell knowing their superior is getting off of their performance, so he tries to show off the best they've got. And maybe also Bell taking revenge by letting Adler live and bringing him along (?) either because they want to torture him or because now they're attached like a dog and can't let go like this, not without hurting him more.

I don't like AdPerseus swrry :( i mean unless it's probably too noncon to talk about it here

Adler watching as the ghost he's been chasing for more than a decade claims back the soldier he's lost, and he himself had made. Adler watching as his enemy wins and claims his ground back. Adler bathing in his own blood as Bell, supposedly his former 'ally', moans and whines to his enemy. Adler dying and his last sight of the world being his enemy making love. Adler choking while Bell is choking.

[red-anxiolytics]

RIP 'Duga' Russell Adler, You would've loved medical play and tumblr mod whumping.

[red-anxiolytics]

COD: Black ops Cold War . - writing TW ,, : suicide , implied experimentation . ⤷ ,, 𖦏 : angst . ⤷ ,, 𓏵 : AU -- gn!Bell . .

Bell does not enjoy the feeling of cold metal anywhere on them.

They do not enjoy it on their wrists or ankles, like it felt when the padding of the restraints failed in their duty of offering pseudo comfort.

They do not enjoy it on their chest, when a medic would check their heart briefly, just to give Adler the green light to torture them breathless once more.

They do not enjoy it when it pierces right through the skin; the 'only a pinch' that felt like a stab. Like being erased again, like existing partially or only for a short time.

And they do not enjoy it now; but it feels worth it. An heavy weight that fits their mouth perfectly when the barrel is shoved through the teeth, and the muzzle of the gun is hard on the roof of their mouth. Tears stream down from the sheer feeling of such an intrusion, violent in nature; it's their own finger on the trigger.

Their eyes shut tight.

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[red-anxiolytics]

"i'm slowly forgetting your face" but it's Adler slowly forgetting all of Bell's features with each year that passes. all he's got is a few pictures of the agent with the balaclava on, but it's nothing like seeing them wandering and roaming the safehouse like the dog that they were; like being able to touch them and feel them there, present.

"i'm slowly forgetting your face" but it's Adler reviewing Bell's old file as if there were any more details to find.

"i'm slowly forgetting your face" but it's Adler loosely holding a torn balaclava. there's three holes; one is between the eyes' and the fabric is still stiff from the blood.

"i'm slowly forgetting your face" but it's Adler looking at Case like he knows him. Sometimes the kid will stare into nothing and Adler will be vaguely reminded of another faceless agent. he ends up calling him another name

"i'm slowly forgetting your face" but it's Adler also forgetting Bell's voice and how it sounded when they cried.

"i'm slowly forgetting your face" but it's Adler dreaming of Bell after one too many drinks. all they are is a shadow now. it's more of a nightmare .

"i'm slowly forgetting your face" but it's Adler stressing over how things could've been, how much a little action such as pressing his index on a trigger could have spared him at least a good part of those nightmares, spared him this gap in his memories that he labeled as a more vulnerable part of Bell, their face.

"i'm slowly forgetting your face" but it's Adler slowly forgetting all of Bell's features with each year that passes: yet he knows what's he's done was, and still is, always for the greater good.

[ask-mk-ultra-guineapig]

journal entry #no.?

and he was more loyal to his cancer stick brand than me. some things are supposed to die since the day they are born. some things don't have future. some things exist just to fail. I know it. knew it. And despite it all my brain still trusted him enough to let him help me off that gurney.

[red-anxiolytics]

COD: Black ops Cold War . - writing TW ,, : spoilers , death , experimentation , grief , slight blood . — 'Good' Ending scenario . ⤷ ,, 𖦏 : angst . ⤷ ,, 𓏵 : AU -- gn!Bell . canon!event + grieving!Adler . , mar 15 possibly , 1981 . ✯ — Author note: i'm not conviced about this one, but it'll do as first post

Adler knows this weight will never end.

He knows it will haunt him, forever and ever. He knows the guilt of this could not be justified by anything other than war. Because it was personal. It was personal. And those last words Bell had heard were a lie, with their heartbeat loud in their ears, too, as a background noise.

The weight, he feels it, he knows he will, he knows it won't stop, not at home or in a safehouse. Not crying afterwards or grieving, even silently. He wouldn't allow himself to drown, for sure, especially in front of someone else.

He knows it will last until the end of his days came: to feel that heavy breathing on his neck, the whimpers and cries of a living being broken down. A decade later, when he sees Helen and Sims again; when Case asks him about separation; even while readying a syringe for Jane Harrow; and in so many moments, before and after Pantheon: flashes that will, some day, remind him of the project, the thing he'd created. That human he'd tortured and rebuilt to his advantage. He doesn't know it yet, but this will be carved in his thoughts, like a curse.

But for now the weight is more physical than ever, as the body is carried down from the mountain. Adler doesn't cry; he ponders where to bury it, what to write on a bare stone: who was 'Bell'? What had they done in life? What will be of himself? Did he have a right to that question?

He isn't selfless for bringing them up there, he tells himself, for offering one last sight, one moment of peace; one hour of clear air, of watching the ocean beyond. He is less human than his own creation.

So he watches his footing, he tires and wrestles with his mind, hoping, pathetically, subconsciously, to feel the slightest movement from the body in his arms. To hear them stir, lament, complain. But when he looks down, all he can see is their vacant eyes and the bleeding hole right between them. He stops a moment to close their lids. Then he slips his hands on them again, under their knees and around their back. His muscles ache; and he thinks that maybe he deserves it. ━═━═━═━═━═━═━═━═━═━═━    ᡕᠵデᡁ᠊╾━ ⌖